00:00I think we need to have a serious national conversation about Tiger Woods.
00:04Not about the DUI or the pills.
00:06About the fact that this man has been in four serious car incidents since 2009.
00:11Forget the substances for a minute.
00:12I don't think that man can operate a vehicle.
00:14He has 82 PGA Tour wins.
00:17He can put a ball in a hole from 200 yards away in the wind.
00:20But he can't make it to the end of his own f***ing street.
00:22Tiger has a better record getting out of bunkers than he does getting out of his own driveway.
00:25This man told the arresting officer that he was on the phone with the President of the United States while
00:30changing the radio station while passing a truck on a two-lane road with no shoulder.
00:34Bro, pick a task.
00:36You have 82 Tour wins because of your ability to hyper-focus.
00:40But you get behind the wheel of a car and suddenly you're multitasking like a suburban mom in a minivan
00:45whose four-year-old just vomited in the back seat.
00:47Also, they had to use a golf club to smash out the back windshield of his car to get his
00:51other clubs out of the back seat.
00:53It should have been the first and only time that very specific thing has happened to a car belonging to
00:58Tiger Woods.
00:59But oops, that's not the case because if you guys remember, when his ex-wife caught him cheating, she also
01:04smashed out his back windshield with a golf club.
01:07Cars are not safe in the custody of Tiger Woods, okay?
01:10I think we have enough evidence to back that up.
01:12And then there's the fact that the cops found hydrocodone pills in his pocket.
01:15And he said he took a few earlier.
01:17A few is for crackers.
01:19A few is for grapes.
01:21A few is not for opioids.
01:23Someone take this man's keys away from him permanently.
01:27He can afford to f*** an Uber.
01:29Good Lord.
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