- 2 giorni fa
Categoria
🎥
CortometraggiTrascrizione
00:00:01Yeah, like i just blow those guys?
00:00:03Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:03Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No on the...
00:00:06Oh!
00:00:08Huh?
00:00:08Game over, you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working, look, I'm testing out new products.
00:00:14What are you so paranoid for anyways?
00:00:16Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:20Do you think I'm scared of that...
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him?
00:00:27No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay?
00:00:35I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:00:47Dad!
00:00:57Dad!
00:00:58Dad!
00:00:58Dad!
00:01:05This is all for you.
00:01:07See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you.
00:01:10You're looking fantastic.
00:01:11Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be our money.
00:01:13Ah, jeez, pick up my two.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:17Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:21What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't.
00:01:25If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody.
00:01:31That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:32Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, no, Quinn.
00:01:35Hey, hey, you can't fire me.
00:01:36Come on.
00:01:36I'm a crazy boy.
00:01:38I'm a dedicated crazy boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn.
00:01:42Hey, look.
00:01:42Come on, please.
00:01:43I mean, my rent's due.
00:01:45My mom, she needs another tummy tuck.
00:01:46Please, come on.
00:01:47No, Bones.
00:01:48No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal...
00:01:50Please, please don't let me...
00:01:52Please don't let me go, Quinn.
00:01:53I could be crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my...
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my...
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:04You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn.
00:02:06I have a customer.
00:02:07A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi.
00:02:15Yes, can I do that?
00:02:16You money me this watchman last week,
00:02:19and the commitment to be able to do so.
00:02:21I mean, there was something that could be done.
00:02:22It's too small.
00:02:24This is it, this is our line mouse.
00:02:29Our perfect 35 inch
00:02:31stereo projection color monitor
00:02:33with the advance superdigital PMP.
00:02:36Sorry, but it's because of my price range.
00:02:38Not with the 200 dollar rebate,
00:02:40no money down, 10 month deferred,
00:02:4264-month layaway plan.
00:02:43It's a great one,
00:02:44because there was a great one.
00:02:50It's a great one.
00:02:51Yes, there are ours.
00:02:52Yes, that's a great offer,
00:02:53but...
00:02:54Our screene,
00:02:55the outcome is good.
00:02:58Is there a great one?
00:02:58An excellent one.
00:02:594 out of 5 optometrists I recommend.
00:03:03Okay.
00:03:04I have you.
00:03:05Okay.
00:03:06I have it.
00:03:07It's a great one,
00:03:09and collect everything for me.
00:03:10Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:16Hmm? Come on.
00:03:18Am I still not a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell,
00:03:25you pervert.
00:03:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:03:28...celebrity Jane Essex. Greenwall,
00:03:30a driving sports figure, was discovered
00:03:32ransacking the star's home last night.
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:37Friends of both parties
00:03:38have been making frequent appearances at the courthouse
00:03:40all day, hoping to... Gabriella,
00:03:42you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time
00:03:46I save your butt, okay?
00:03:48I work too, you know? I know. It was an emergency.
00:03:50The guy was about to fire me. Right. It's always
00:03:52an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:54Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about
00:03:58just giving your little Italian
00:04:00sausage man a little
00:04:02kissy-poo?
00:04:03...in Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings
00:04:06that...
00:04:08you are so irresponsible.
00:04:10You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:12It's okay. I'll be serious.
00:04:15Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not... not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23You too. Yeah, but look,
00:04:25your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted
00:04:29bat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:31and...
00:04:32HOTS!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:37Ah!
00:04:39Ah!
00:04:47Well, uh...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, how hon. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:04:59Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realise
00:05:03Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problem, my friend.
00:05:06I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones.
00:05:11I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing.
00:05:17Do you know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:18This brings us one step closer to the, uh... store.
00:05:23No, no, no.
00:05:23What this does is it brings us one step closer
00:05:25to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store
00:05:29if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just discussing.
00:05:41Hey!
00:05:42Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me!
00:05:52Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:53Do you want the truth?
00:05:54You can't handle the truth!
00:05:57Yay!
00:05:58He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army,
00:06:12is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:17What's that?
00:06:19Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:21After our basic training,
00:06:23we owe you two weeks a year,
00:06:24one week and a month,
00:06:26for which we get paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it,
00:06:29you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:35Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:41Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:44Oh, yeah.
00:06:45Um, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No.
00:06:48That's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Hmm.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the, um, Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen.
00:06:59We're all you can be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I have one more question.
00:07:11Could I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually,
00:07:13could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:18Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:24Just one...
00:07:25Ah, this is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everyone join?
00:07:28Weren't you listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh!
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years,
00:07:39and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the pamphlets.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:44Land combat missile op.
00:07:47Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat
00:07:53to get paid for that, right?
00:07:55He said reserves aren't called up
00:07:58unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:01World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:0320 years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:05Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:07No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're gonna go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14Okay.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank turret repair, land mining specialist.
00:08:19Water purification?
00:08:21Water purification!
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:28Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, there's a war going on.
00:08:35What are we gonna go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:39Come on.
00:08:40Come on.
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41Jack.
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48If you times that, times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:55It's nice.
00:08:55It's a nice chunk of change, huh?
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:08:59This is for our store.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07No, no, no.
00:09:07Jacks and Boneses.
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11All right.
00:09:13All right.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:14Let's do it.
00:09:15Oh.
00:09:16Yes.
00:09:27Yeah.
00:09:29It was aance.
00:09:40All right.
00:09:44Oh.
00:09:44Oh.
00:09:46Oh.
00:09:50Yes, everyone knows me for my hair.
00:09:55I need to do a little side, not a little more.
00:09:59It's a little more than soate still.
00:10:01I'd like to see in something short, but stones.
00:10:03A real 90's look, something that works well at the rifle range and at the disco.
00:10:08Ok, that's perfect.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:21Ah!
00:10:29My head, I mean, look at it.
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it?
00:10:35Do I look like a baked potato?
00:10:37Honestly?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly.
00:10:39It looks great.
00:10:40It really does.
00:10:41Really?
00:10:42Really.
00:10:43Really?
00:10:43It looks macho.
00:10:46All right.
00:10:47Look at these, man.
00:10:48Look at these.
00:10:49Army issue.
00:10:51See, I think those are unique.
00:10:53Idiotic.
00:10:54No, those are unique.
00:10:55See, you're distinctive.
00:10:56No one has them.
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king.
00:10:59All right.
00:10:59One of a kind.
00:11:01They poked them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:03Come on.
00:11:10Come on.
00:11:11Come on, go.
00:11:13Come on.
00:11:15Come on, go.
00:11:22I can't do it.
00:11:24I can't do it man, I can't do it
00:11:27This is just like your childhood, remember?
00:11:32Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad
00:11:36See, come on
00:11:37Wait a minute though, my childhood sucked
00:11:40No, I can't do it man
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by someone
00:11:44Musclebound drill sergeant
00:11:46No man, I can't do it
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck
00:11:52Oh, whoa
00:11:54She can drill me anytime
00:11:56On the double right now, come on
00:11:59Moe bed, moe bed
00:12:00Hello sweet pants
00:12:02Get down here, get down
00:12:06And take those glasses off
00:12:08What do you think, do you want some beach or something?
00:12:10What's your name, private?
00:12:11Phone's car, we're reporting for
00:12:13Duty, sir
00:12:14I mean man, sergeant, whatever
00:12:17You will address me as drill sergeant
00:12:20Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell
00:12:26Because look, I'm standing right here
00:12:27I'm not yelling at you, private
00:12:29Drill sergeants do not yell
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough
00:12:33So everyone can hear
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes
00:12:36Oh, okay, thanks for explaining it
00:12:39From here on out, your butt is mine
00:12:42You will obey every order
00:12:45Without question
00:12:48Grunt
00:12:50Oh, you're a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you
00:12:56But I don't even like you
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission
00:12:59To turn you into a soldier
00:13:00For the next eight weeks
00:13:02I'll be all over your butt
00:13:03Like white old rice
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20
00:13:11I want my wallet
00:13:12Drop and give me 20
00:13:14I'm gonna hold this
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground
00:13:16And give me them push-ups
00:13:18Ah, it's been a while
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:27One, two, one
00:13:29Is that good?
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:42Everybody up!
00:13:46I'm giving myself up
00:13:48I'm gonna rest right now
00:13:49Sleeping beauties
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack
00:14:06I'm out, I'm out
00:14:10I'm out
00:14:12Next hand to the lamp
00:14:14Next hand to the lamp
00:14:16All right
00:14:22All right
00:14:22We're going to come here
00:14:23We're going to be in grass field
00:14:25We're going to have to say
00:14:26Run and play
00:14:26We're going to say go
00:14:27Go!
00:14:39Jack
00:14:40Yeah
00:14:40Run
00:14:43Where did the sun go?
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Bones
00:14:48The sun is gone
00:14:51We died
00:14:52And this is hell
00:14:53Okay, thanks for splitting
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards
00:15:04Thanks
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:20Let's put there for privates like you
00:15:24It's idiot proof
00:15:28Damn it!
00:15:30You're such a bitch!
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt
00:15:36Through the edge of your belt buckle
00:15:37Down the seam of your zipper
00:15:39This is a straight gig line
00:15:41See it
00:15:44Learn it
00:15:45Do it
00:15:52From here on out
00:15:53Anyone without a straight gig line
00:15:56Anyone without a straight gig line
00:15:56Will have to answer to me
00:16:02Conway
00:16:04What the hell is this?
00:16:06Just sergeant
00:16:06I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:18Come on
00:16:18Thank you, just sergeant
00:16:19Don't thank me
00:16:20Thank you, recruiter
00:16:29Come on, boy
00:16:30Come on
00:16:30You can't do it
00:16:31I know you can't do it
00:16:34There are two types of bayonet fighters
00:16:36The quick and the dead
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What are they?
00:16:41What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44I need volunteers
00:16:45Yeah
00:16:47What are you, crazy?
00:16:49I sure am
00:16:49I'm a crazy boy
00:16:53Hello
00:16:55Conway
00:16:56Yes, ma'am
00:16:57Come here
00:16:57I'm on my way
00:17:00Woo
00:17:03Hi
00:17:03Hit me
00:17:05Let's not fight
00:17:06Come here
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry
00:17:09I can't hit you
00:17:10You're a girl
00:17:11And
00:17:12I love you
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me
00:17:22Okay, but this is gonna hurt
00:17:24Any other volunteers?
00:17:28Oh, shit
00:17:29I'm sorry
00:17:30I was just gonna
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson
00:17:34Never
00:17:36Drop
00:17:39You're gone
00:17:42Oh, got it
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:48Move
00:17:51Get up
00:17:51Get mad
00:17:53You get mad
00:17:54Get mad at me
00:17:55Now listen to me very carefully, Private
00:17:57This is exactly the same as practice
00:17:59But this is a real live grenade
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant
00:18:04When I give the command to execute
00:18:06I want you to drop the pin
00:18:07Throw the grenade
00:18:08Yes, Joe Sergeant
00:18:10Drop the pin
00:18:10Throw the grenade
00:18:11Yes, Joe Sergeant
00:18:14Execute
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant
00:18:33You saved my life
00:18:34I owe you one
00:18:35No, you owe me
00:18:38Fifty
00:18:48Fifty
00:18:50Mom, mom
00:18:52Can't you see?
00:18:53Mom, mom
00:18:55Can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant
00:18:57Land made a man out of me
00:18:58Drill Sergeant
00:18:59Land made a man out of me
00:19:01And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States
00:19:09And the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me
00:19:16According to regulations
00:19:17According to regulations
00:19:20And the Uniform Code of Military Justice
00:19:22And the Uniform Code of Military Justice
00:19:25So help me God
00:19:27So help me God
00:19:29Thank you, bye.
00:19:31Bye bye.
00:19:34Bye bye.
00:19:34It's the Uniforms Man.
00:19:38Private Conway.
00:19:43Never thought I'd say this,
00:19:45but I think I've done the impossible,
00:19:46I've turned you into soldiers.
00:19:48Thank you, Drill Sergeant.
00:19:50Carry on.
00:20:01Uh, is this, uh, Unit 341?
00:20:04That's us, soldier.
00:20:05Hey, Bones Conway here. This is my partner, Jack.
00:20:08Hi, Christine.
00:20:09Nice to meet you. You look like we'll be working together.
00:20:12Christine a la G.I. Jane, right?
00:20:15What brings a pretty little lady like you to Water Pier?
00:20:18I want an infantry,
00:20:20but until they ask that crap about women not being allowed in combat,
00:20:23I'll just have to settle for kicking your little butt.
00:20:26Oh, that would be nice.
00:20:30Feisty one, huh?
00:20:31I like that.
00:20:34Shut up.
00:20:38I'm gonna have to kill your friend.
00:20:41Hey, Bones Conway.
00:20:43Hey, uh, Fred Ostorf. Good to meet you.
00:20:46Are you okay, Fred?
00:20:47Oh, man, I'm fine. Yeah.
00:20:49Thanks.
00:20:49Thank you.
00:20:52So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water?
00:20:55Well, I'm going into my, uh, final year of dental school.
00:20:58Wow.
00:21:00And now, now that is great.
00:21:01No, it's not.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Did you know that dentists are more feared and loathed than any other profession?
00:21:09That's including lawyers.
00:21:10No, see, I don't think people hate dentists.
00:21:12It's just the sound of that drill.
00:21:15Yeah, and then they stick that sucking thing in the vacuum, right?
00:21:18Right there.
00:21:18And the nurse says, oh, yeah, that.
00:21:21And then they jam those cardboard x-ray things.
00:21:24And then they...
00:21:25And you know when there's...
00:21:26You have a cavity, and they do that little pointy thing, and then...
00:21:29See!
00:21:30See!
00:21:31Right?
00:21:32The nurse leaves, and she goes to lunch.
00:21:35And she jams it out there, right?
00:21:37Meanwhile, there is a lead apron, right, on the thing.
00:21:40And you're sitting there like...
00:21:43See!
00:21:44See!
00:21:47See!
00:21:48See!
00:21:48See!
00:21:49See?
00:21:49That's what I'm talking about.
00:21:50If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay.
00:21:52Oh, no, no, no.
00:21:53It's good.
00:21:53We should talk about it.
00:21:54Because my therapist said that I need to get it out...
00:21:58Kind of like an emotional enema.
00:21:59So we talked about it, and, uh, said, why not join the Army Reserve?
00:22:04Be all that you can be on the weekends.
00:22:07Yeah.
00:22:09Maybe it'd help me to do those things in my life that I'm most afraid of.
00:22:14And what are you afraid of?
00:22:16Uh...
00:22:17Well, I'd have to say, uh, damn near everything.
00:22:21Floss?
00:22:23Hey.
00:22:24Keep it.
00:22:29Good morning.
00:22:30Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military.
00:22:35It is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out.
00:22:47Two soldiers must man the hose at all times.
00:22:50This is for your own safety, people.
00:22:53Okay.
00:22:54Never lose control of your hose.
00:22:58Turn it off.
00:23:00Turn it off.
00:23:02Turn it off.
00:23:05After careful training, you will be able to produce drinkable water from the most disgusting,
00:23:11swampy, parasite-infected, diseased water.
00:23:14Hey!
00:23:15Guys!
00:23:15Look!
00:23:16It's our first glass of purified water.
00:23:19All right.
00:23:21Go for it, man.
00:23:23Try it.
00:23:24Nah.
00:23:24I'm not going to try.
00:23:26Hey, you try it.
00:23:27I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:29We should get Christine.
00:23:31Yeah!
00:23:32She'll taste anything.
00:23:37I'm not gonna try it.
00:23:40Let's get Freddy.
00:23:42Okay.
00:23:42Oh, Freddy!
00:23:44No, no thanks.
00:23:44I'm allergic.
00:23:45It'll make me break out.
00:23:48Well, then who's gonna try it?
00:23:52Let's get Freddy.
00:23:53Okay.
00:23:54Oh, Freddy!
00:24:07Who's the leader of this outfit?
00:24:10He is.
00:24:10He is.
00:24:13Son, I've been doing this for a long time and I gotta say, this is the best damn glass
00:24:19of purified water I ever had.
00:24:21Congratulations.
00:24:22You keep this up and I'll be putting you in for private first class.
00:24:25Thank you, Sergeant.
00:24:27But I couldn't have done it without the inspirational guidance of my brother, the pool man.
00:24:40I'm back, honey.
00:24:44Excuse me.
00:24:46Better go freshen up.
00:24:47Uh-huh.
00:24:49You're not gonna-
00:25:15You're not gonna-
00:25:17I'm gonna try.
00:25:18Oh, I'll try.
00:25:27You got to try.
00:25:43I'm gonna try.
00:25:45You just got to try.
00:25:45Okay.
00:25:46Oh, that's fine.
00:25:47Oh man
00:25:49Wait, wait, hold it here a second
00:25:51Listen, hey, we're in the middle of the party here
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in
00:25:54That would be cool
00:25:55I don't think so, I think it's very rude
00:25:57If we stay away more than a couple of minutes
00:25:59Two minutes? That's perfect
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards
00:26:06Hold that thought
00:26:09Somebody better be dead
00:26:11Hello
00:26:12This is an official message
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese
00:26:17Migrating south
00:26:19I say again
00:26:20The geese are migrating south
00:26:23Yeah, well, uh, my goose is about to lay a golden egg
00:26:26So you're gonna have to cruise the south solo
00:26:28Okay, have a nice flight
00:26:30Who was it?
00:26:31Someone who's into birds
00:26:32Uh-uh
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose
00:26:41I'm the walrus, I'm tall as dead
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here
00:26:45So give it a rest
00:26:46All right, that's it
00:27:01Jack, get the phone
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04It's a freak going on about wild geese migrating
00:27:06Both
00:27:12What's that?
00:27:13Christine, don't, don't look
00:27:15Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South
00:27:20Yes!
00:27:22Yes, yes!
00:27:23What?
00:27:25You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:27About the code?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty
00:27:31Then we would know that it was for real
00:27:32It's gotta be a mistake
00:27:34It's gotta be Chad
00:27:36Hello, Mom
00:27:38It's Frederick
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country
00:27:43The one that Libby's about to invade
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music
00:27:50You remember when you told me
00:27:51That every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:53Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert
00:28:01And water purification is the reserve occupation
00:28:05Most likely to be called up if there's a desert war
00:28:07And there's a desert war
00:28:09And we're going
00:28:12That's it, Bones
00:28:13I'm gonna kill you
00:28:13Well, go ahead
00:28:14You gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one
00:28:19Trust me
00:28:30At ease
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad
00:28:35But there's something that you need to know about Jack and I
00:28:37Before we go, sir
00:28:38Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends
00:28:47Very
00:28:48Oh, I see
00:28:50In that case, boys
00:28:52I guess you're not going to Chad
00:28:57Sorry to disappoint you, sir
00:29:03Uh, just one thing
00:29:07Anything
00:29:09Kiss him
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend
00:29:15You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no
00:29:21He kisses me every day
00:29:41Just do it
00:29:49Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:56Is it hot in Chad?
00:30:12The growing U.S. presence here
00:30:14These troops are in high spirit
00:30:16And morale is high
00:30:18And their hopes are high
00:30:19And this mission will remain
00:30:20A peaceful
00:30:21Reporting live from Chad
00:30:24For a worldwide news report
00:30:25This is Stu Krieger
00:30:44I am 1st Sergeant Brandon T. Williams
00:30:46It is my intention to run this company like a clock
00:30:49If one gear slips in my clock
00:30:52My clock will tell the wrong time
00:30:53If one spring is loose in my clock
00:30:55My clock will tell the wrong time
00:30:571st Sergeant Williams likes his clock
00:30:59To tell the right time
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know
00:31:06Something about his clock being broken
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant
00:31:16Don't you know I'm your 1st Sergeant?
00:31:20Well, actually, I wish you were my 1st Sergeant
00:31:23But I already had a couple ones already
00:31:27Drop!
00:31:28And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups
00:31:31Until you learn to address me as 1st Sergeant
00:31:33Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:31:35Hey!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:361st Sergeant
00:31:372nd Sergeant
00:31:393rd Sergeant
00:31:404th Sergeant
00:31:415th Sergeant
00:31:42Don't eyeball me
00:31:436th Sergeant
00:31:447th Sergeant
00:31:455th 1st Sergeant
00:31:468th 1st Sergeant
00:31:479th 1st Sergeant
00:31:4910th 1st Sergeant
00:31:5111th 1st Sergeant
00:31:5212th 1st Sergeant
00:31:5413th 1st Sergeant
00:31:5514th 1st Sergeant
00:31:57123 1st Sergeant
00:31:59124 1st Sergeant
00:32:00124 1st Sergeant
00:32:01That's enough
00:32:01On your feet
00:32:03Son, I bet you did a lot of push-ups
00:32:06When you were in basic training, didn't you?
00:32:07Yes, 1st Sergeant
00:32:08Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier
00:32:10I will never ask you to do another
00:32:12Thank you, 1st Sergeant
00:32:13You just graduated the peeling potatoes
00:32:156,543 1st Sergeant
00:32:196,544 1st Sergeant
00:32:221st Sergeant
00:32:246,505 1st Sergeant
00:32:3410th Sergeant
00:32:36Shit, I lost count
00:32:37We got it, we got it, we got it
00:32:39Look
00:32:41That's my butt
00:32:42I couldn't help it
00:32:44I was just trying to dig
00:32:45You guys get
00:32:46I'm going by
00:32:47Stop it
00:32:48Okay
00:32:52Oh, look
00:32:59Hey
00:33:00It's the sunroof
00:33:19Oh, look
00:33:22Gabrielle tucked in a little note
00:33:24Into my duffel bag
00:33:25Oh
00:33:26Yeah
00:33:28Dear Bones
00:33:29By the time you read this
00:33:30I will already be
00:33:33What?
00:33:33I will already be in Milan with
00:33:37Guido
00:33:39Oh
00:33:39She dumped you
00:33:41Sorry, Bones
00:33:42I must say, though
00:33:44This guy sounds really nice
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in
00:33:48No, no, you're better off
00:33:50She's a horrible speller
00:33:52There's only one S in loser
00:33:53Look at that
00:33:54And immature-ish
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word
00:33:57Gabriella
00:33:59She broke my heart
00:34:01Sorry
00:34:02Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow
00:34:04To stay bummed for too long
00:34:09Would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:12Oh, yeah
00:34:13Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:18He's messing with you, Fred
00:34:20No, I'm not
00:34:21Chad is the scorpion capital of the world
00:34:24Yep, Fred
00:34:25They're big ones, too
00:34:26About as big as my fist
00:34:27They outnumber people two to one
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred
00:34:36Night, everybody
00:34:37Night, Bones
00:34:38Night, Sue Allen
00:34:39Night, John, boy
00:34:42Scorpions
00:34:54I got one
00:34:55I got one
00:34:56I got one
00:34:59I got one
00:35:00I got one
00:35:01I got one
00:35:02I got one
00:35:04I got one
00:35:05I got one
00:35:06I got one
00:35:07I got one
00:35:07I got one
00:35:08I got one
00:35:08I got one
00:35:08I got one
00:35:26Oh!
00:35:26It's not that bad. It's like camp.
00:35:31John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith
00:35:35That's my name too
00:35:38Whenever we go up
00:35:40There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith
00:35:44John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith
00:35:49That's my name too
00:35:53John!
00:35:57John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith
00:36:26It tastes just like frog
00:36:27Thanks
00:36:29Enjoy
00:36:36Ready
00:36:37Go
00:36:41Who was that?
00:36:44Special Forces
00:36:4814.11 seconds
00:36:51Damn
00:36:52Try it again
00:36:54Go
00:36:55He's incredible
00:36:57Time me
00:37:00All right
00:37:03Go
00:37:16That is not good
00:37:17What happened?
00:37:18That is not good
00:37:27Oh great
00:37:28He's coming over
00:37:29Just don't look at him
00:37:31You lose something?
00:37:35Yeah
00:37:35Thanks
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna
00:37:40You better call 9-1-1
00:37:41Get an ambulance
00:37:42Find a doctor
00:37:43Order a toe tag
00:37:43Cause I'm gonna tear off your head
00:37:44And spit down your neck
00:37:45Do you understand me, boy?
00:37:49Hey, hey
00:37:52You have to relax a little
00:37:54Take it easy
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war
00:37:57And we're on the same side
00:38:00Yeah, dude
00:38:03Would America
00:38:05Have won the civil war
00:38:08If Benjamin Franklin
00:38:09Didn't get along
00:38:10With Eleanor Roosevelt
00:38:11Right on
00:38:12A little knowledge
00:38:13A little knowledge
00:38:15To party
00:38:17Go ahead, man
00:38:18If our soldiers
00:38:20Our American soldiers
00:38:22Acted like this
00:38:23In Desert Storm
00:38:25Sodom Hussein
00:38:26Would still be running Iraq
00:38:28Uh, what?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists
00:38:37Fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious
00:38:39But you regular guys
00:38:41You've been here so long
00:38:42That your brains are fried
00:38:43Right
00:38:44So I guess what I'm really
00:38:46Trying to say is
00:38:48Come on, genius
00:38:49That doesn't mean
00:38:52We all can't be friends
00:38:55Please
00:38:56There's only one problem
00:38:57With you, Newby's Hope
00:38:58That's the truth, man
00:39:00You don't eat enough
00:39:01No, that's
00:39:05Attention
00:39:19As you were
00:39:27I am
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant
00:39:30Could use a volunteer
00:39:31To peel potatoes
00:39:32Yes, sir
00:39:33Can we count on you?
00:39:35Yes, sir
00:39:36Carry on
00:39:40I happen to know
00:39:41On this basis
00:39:41There's not one
00:39:42Unpeeled potato
00:39:58I heard the Libyans
00:39:59Are already backing down
00:40:00And we're gonna be out of here
00:40:01In two weeks
00:40:02Yeah
00:40:03Well, I hear
00:40:04They're sending 20,000 more troops
00:40:05And we're gonna be here
00:40:06Till Christmas
00:40:06Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:40:09Where are you going?
00:40:13Sounds like I got bad breath
00:40:20Nope
00:40:22And until they comply with you
00:40:24In resolution 991
00:40:25I don't think anybody's going anywhere
00:40:28Oh, you're amazing, Christine
00:40:30How do you keep up
00:40:32With all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine
00:40:37Christine
00:40:42All right
00:40:43Quit screwing around
00:40:46Chris
00:40:47Send some water
00:40:49With this mud
00:40:55Chris
00:41:01Jack
00:41:07Fred
00:41:13How does it feel
00:41:14To be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know
00:41:19How does it feel
00:41:19To be a dick
00:41:20Dick
00:41:28Damn it
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night
00:41:32First Sergeant
00:41:37Goddamn piece of shit newbies
00:41:39How am I gonna run a decent HQ
00:41:40Without my coffee?
00:41:42Shh
00:41:43Shh
00:41:43Shh
00:41:43Shh
00:41:44Shh
00:41:47That is truly a pathetic sight
00:41:50Who perpetrated this?
00:42:05Who did this to you?
00:42:07I can't tell you for a sergeant
00:42:09What?
00:42:10Do you have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh
00:42:14I've been threatened with death
00:42:16Untie these clowns
00:42:17And give me some water
00:42:19Ah!
00:42:27I have an announcement
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:30Because you're looking a little bit crispy
00:42:32You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know
00:42:34Tell me if this is right
00:42:35I better call 976
00:42:37Find a doctor and tag an ambulance
00:42:39Because you're gonna tear off my toe
00:42:41And spit down my head, right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water or not?
00:42:44Sergeant
00:42:46Report to Captain Roberts
00:42:48You've got a mission
00:42:50Water boys
00:42:52Report to First Sergeant Williams
00:42:54You've got a mission too
00:42:55Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says
00:42:58We're gonna resupply
00:42:59The forward UN peacekeeping base
00:43:02This is a very simple
00:43:04Routine mission
00:43:05You will fall into line
00:43:07In the very large
00:43:08Very prepared convoy
00:43:09All you have to do
00:43:10Is follow the truck
00:43:11In front of you
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty
00:43:15You will give them water
00:43:16Conway, you look confused
00:43:17Are you sure you want to send us
00:43:19To a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water boys
00:43:21You are soldiers
00:43:23You will get in that convoy
00:43:24And you will be a credit
00:43:25To the United States Army
00:43:26Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muster your lollygag
00:43:30And bus to get ticket
00:43:30Move out!
00:43:31Yes, First Sergeant!
00:44:01Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it
00:44:03They're gonna send a tow truck
00:44:08Man, what wouldn't I do?
00:44:09For a double meat
00:44:10Chili cheeseburger
00:44:12Right now
00:44:12No
00:44:13A margarita on the rocks
00:44:18Or some fresh buttery
00:44:20Jiffy pop
00:44:21That's not popcorn boys
00:44:24That convoy's under attack
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so
00:44:35Maniacs shooting at us
00:44:36You're a maniac
00:44:37It's the enemy
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrendering
00:44:41Shoot!
00:44:45Shoot!
00:44:52Whoa!
00:44:53Whoa!
00:44:56Whoa!
00:44:58Whoa!
00:44:59You have to shoot so close
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me
00:45:01Well, excuse me for living
00:45:03I was just trying to save
00:45:04Your worthless little life
00:45:05Christine
00:45:06Are you aware
00:45:07That after a near-death experience
00:45:09Is there often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack
00:45:12That's right
00:45:13I feel it
00:45:14All right
00:45:17Just not with you
00:45:19Ever
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah
00:45:22Got it
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk
00:45:25I didn't feel anything
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here
00:45:28The truck's on fire
00:45:48Stay long
00:45:49It's gonna
00:45:57Explode
00:45:59Where's the phone?
00:46:03Hello
00:46:10Now rickety ticker mustering lollygaggin'
00:46:14Let's lollygaggin'
00:46:15Get out of here
00:46:27Isn't that the road?
00:46:29I'm taking the shortcut
00:46:30Is there one?
00:46:31Uh-huh
00:46:32The road curves around like this
00:46:34All we gotta do is cut the desert here
00:46:37And catch up to the convoy over there
00:46:39Watch out
00:46:39Come on
00:46:40You think I know what I'm doing here
00:46:42I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys
00:46:44I get a car seat very easily
00:47:02Bones, I don't see a road
00:47:05I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know
00:47:08The road's over there
00:47:09Three miles
00:47:10Maybe four
00:47:11Oh yeah
00:47:13Maybe ten
00:47:14Maybe twenty
00:47:16Maybe our truck is sinking
00:47:20No!
00:47:39Push
00:47:39Hey forget it
00:47:43Okay
00:47:43Just shut it down
00:47:44We'll pick it out
00:47:45No, stand back
00:47:45Stand back
00:47:46I'm gonna rock it
00:47:53You quit it
00:47:54It's not working
00:47:56You're sucking too much sand
00:47:57Into the air filter
00:47:58I order you
00:48:00To shut it down now
00:48:02You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class
00:48:05Okay
00:48:06I'm ordering you
00:48:07Come on
00:48:07The only reason
00:48:08You made
00:48:09Private
00:48:10First class
00:48:12Because your brother's a poor man
00:48:20Huh?
00:48:21Are you happy?
00:48:22Are you happy?
00:48:25Yeah, well I hope you brought your triple A cards
00:48:28Let's see
00:48:36Well, look
00:48:37You cracked the block
00:48:38You cracked the block
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it
00:48:42You know what?
00:48:42Shut up!
00:48:44We gotta figure out what we're gonna do
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones
00:48:51The one with the highest rank
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack
00:48:53Was just listening to me
00:48:55Okay?
00:48:55I was trying to
00:48:55All I've ever done is listening to you
00:48:57And look where it's taken me
00:48:58Look!
00:48:59We're in the middle of some African hellhole
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun
00:49:04With the sky filled with vultures
00:49:06Ready to pluck out my eyeballs
00:49:09Vultures don't come around
00:49:10Unless something's about to die
00:49:28Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow
00:49:37We have to walk away from this water truck
00:49:39We have two canteens between us
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water
00:49:44And then we have more water
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back
00:49:54There's a scorpion on my back
00:49:55That's enough
00:49:56There's not a scorpion on your back
00:50:00Uh-uh
00:50:01There is a scorpion on my back
00:50:04Frank
00:50:04There's nothing on your back
00:50:06You keep on imagining things
00:50:11Thank you
00:50:13I needed that
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped
00:50:17Look, you don't have to apologize
00:50:20You're right
00:50:22I see things very clear now
00:50:24All right, Fred
00:50:26Look, guys, I wanna apologize to everybody
00:50:28Is he okay?
00:50:29He's okay
00:50:29I feel like a brand new man
00:50:31All right
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay
00:50:33Thank you
00:50:34Okay
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:46Just felt like
00:50:50Always playing
00:50:52Did you guys see that thing?
00:50:54It was
00:51:04Follow me
00:51:05I know exactly where I'm going
00:51:09Trust me
00:51:34Trust me
00:51:35You guys get down
00:51:37Get down
00:51:48It's a truck
00:51:49There's the road
00:51:50We are safe
00:51:51I told you I had a flawless sense of direction
00:51:56What a coincidence
00:51:57That truck looks
00:52:00It looks like our truck
00:52:08Hey, listen, you guys
00:52:10Hey
00:52:10I figured out why we went in circles
00:52:13Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:15We didn't follow the sun
00:52:21Look
00:52:22This stream is due west
00:52:25All we have to do
00:52:26Is walked away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28And towards the sun in the afternoon
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall
00:52:31So you're saying
00:52:33We should risk being dried up into human jerky again
00:52:36Just to follow another one of your half-baked plans
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:41I mean, I'm pretty sure this is going to work
00:52:43But since I let us down before
00:52:45I say from here on in
00:52:47We put everything to a vote
00:52:49We can't vote
00:52:51You order
00:52:52We follow
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That's not how the army goes
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do
00:53:00What if I'm wrong?
00:53:02Then
00:53:03Then
00:53:04We die
00:53:10I order us
00:53:13To do a sunbaked
00:53:15Plan thing
00:53:16We're dead
00:53:21Hey, guys
00:53:22Just think of it as a
00:53:24Very long day
00:53:26On a very big beach
00:53:27In a very dry year
00:53:50Wait a minute
00:53:51It's the ocean
00:53:53I don't see anything
00:53:54What are you, blind?
00:53:55The waves
00:53:57It's the ocean
00:53:58It's a mirage
00:54:01It is a mirage
00:54:03And there's Caesars
00:54:04And right across the street
00:54:05Is the Barbary Coast
00:54:06Where you get a
00:54:07$3.99 buffet
00:54:09And it's the ocean
00:54:11Come on
00:54:12Come on
00:54:14Let's go
00:54:16Come on
00:54:17Come on
00:54:19Come on
00:54:20Come on
00:54:34Here's the canteen
00:54:35Go get your boy
00:54:36Because he's bugging
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53Are you okay?
00:54:53Here, take a sip
00:54:57Listen
00:54:59Look, Jack
00:54:59We got two choices
00:55:01One
00:55:02We can put your clothes back on
00:55:04We can get ourselves
00:55:04Out of this mess
00:55:05Go back to Glendale
00:55:06Start up our own store
00:55:07Become rich and famous
00:55:09Or two
00:55:11You can lie here
00:55:12Butt naked
00:55:12And crushed away
00:55:13Leaving your skull
00:55:14To be found
00:55:14By a young Arab prince
00:55:15That's gonna use it
00:55:16For an ashtray
00:55:20You don't want that
00:55:22In your head
00:55:23You make the call
00:55:24Come on
00:55:25Let's get out of here
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on
00:55:29Here
00:55:31Here
00:55:31Here
00:55:32Here
00:55:33Here
00:55:33Here
00:55:34Come on
00:55:35Come on
00:55:37Here
00:55:37Come on
00:55:39Here
00:55:41Hey
00:55:43Oh, Jack
00:55:44Look at that ass
00:55:45Maybe you should stay naked
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man
00:55:59Randall, I'm seeing things
00:56:00The palm tree's right on the horizon
00:56:02Oh, it's another mirage
00:56:04Oh, my God
00:56:05I see it, too
00:56:06It's not a mirage
00:56:08Those are the palm trees
00:56:10It's the oasis
00:56:11Oh, man
00:56:13You saved our lives
00:56:20Where's my kiss?
00:56:22Christine
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand
00:56:47Nobody moves
00:56:50There is a big snake right by your feet
00:56:55No
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack
00:57:01Throw me the gun
00:57:04If you don't attack it
00:57:05It'll go away
00:57:07I don't want it to go away
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner
00:57:10Throw me
00:57:11The gun
00:57:23You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go
00:57:27Come on
00:57:27Oh, oh
00:57:29Oh, no
00:57:31I'm still gonna get ya
00:57:36It's time for me
00:57:37I'll kill you
00:57:41Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation
00:57:56Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole
00:58:04Water!
00:58:06Water!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Water!
00:58:09Water!
00:58:10Fresh water!
00:58:11I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:14Is it a snake yet?
00:58:16It depends on how you like it
00:58:18Well done
00:58:19Used to be afraid of scorpions
00:58:22Now he's eating snake
00:58:23That is impressive, Brad
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die
00:58:30But you pulled us through
00:58:32I don't know how
00:58:35But thank you
00:58:47That was, uh
00:58:51Pretty exceptional
00:58:53So what are you gonna do
00:58:54What if I get rescued?
00:58:58Um, I will take off all your clothes
00:59:06Tie you to the bed
00:59:09Rub warm oil all over your body
00:59:15From the bottom of those feet
00:59:16To the top of that head
00:59:19And proceed
00:59:21To have the nastiest
00:59:23Freakiest sex with you
00:59:25That you have ever imagined
00:59:30Oh, that's it
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:31I saw her first
00:59:33And look what happens
00:59:35Same thing that happened
00:59:36With Gabriella
00:59:37I saw her first
00:59:38And-and-and Wanda Tushman
00:59:40In the third grade
00:59:41I saw her first
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs
00:59:44It turned out to be the guy
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too
00:59:47You know why I'm not just
00:59:49Strangling you right now?
00:59:51Why can't you cook a snake?
00:59:53No
00:59:55Because no matter how long
00:59:56We've been friends
00:59:58I never thought you'd be
00:59:59The kind of guy
01:00:00That would save our lives
01:00:02Let alone kill a snake
01:00:05But you did
01:00:06Oh, hey, man, thanks
01:00:07Yeah
01:00:09I-I think it's the U.N. flag
01:00:11We're safe
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I
01:00:16Are gonna need some time alone
01:00:17Sure, man
01:00:18I'm gonna take him
01:00:19I don't want to feed
01:00:22The president in the situation room
01:00:24Of the White House today
01:00:25And the president is scheduled
01:00:27To address the nation
01:00:28Tomorrow at 6 p.m.
01:00:29Eastern Standard Time
01:00:30We will, of course
01:00:31Bring that to you live
01:00:33You are the reservists
01:00:34From Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels
01:00:37According to WNR
01:00:38You are presumed dead
01:00:39In a truck explosion
01:00:40Um, where are we?
01:00:45You're on a military base
01:00:46Well inside Libya
01:00:48That's all you need to know
01:00:50Oh, I forgot to mention
01:00:53The war is starting tomorrow
01:00:55How'd you know that?
01:00:56American TV
01:00:58Your country is expected
01:01:00To start bombing
01:01:01Our air bases tomorrow
01:01:02And when that happens
01:01:04We will unleash missiles
01:01:06With chemical warheads
01:01:07Against your bases
01:01:08Consider yourself lucky
01:01:10To be here
01:01:10Sleep well
01:01:13You know, this is fine
01:01:16It's like the time
01:01:17You got us arrested
01:01:17For you, Juana
01:01:18Except for in Libya
01:01:19And your dad's not gonna
01:01:21Pick us up here, brother
01:01:25Yo, it's
01:01:26Aren't you guys also American?
01:01:31Oh, see, I see
01:01:33I was wounded
01:01:34And I don't feel well
01:01:35Please, sing a song
01:01:37To comfort me
01:01:37Sing a song?
01:01:39Any song
01:01:43Oh, okay
01:01:46Rescue me
01:01:47Sing
01:01:48Uh-huh
01:01:49What?
01:01:50I want your tender
01:01:51Chants
01:01:51Because I'm in love
01:01:55My team was on strategic
01:01:57Recon
01:01:57You know, that's when
01:01:59You go behind enemy lines
01:02:01And you try to
01:02:02Locate their assets
01:02:03Like tanks and bunkers
01:02:04We were on our way
01:02:05To a resupply drop
01:02:06And we were ambushed
01:02:07The other guys were killed
01:02:08Killed?
01:02:13Took a bullet in the leg
01:02:15And they brought me here
01:02:16Uh-huh
01:02:17I don't know
01:02:18Any words to this song
01:02:20Kiss me, baby
01:02:21Kiss me, baby
01:02:22Kiss me, baby
01:02:22Kiss me, baby
01:02:23Kiss me, baby
01:02:23Kiss me, baby
01:02:25Kiss me, baby
01:02:26Use this
01:02:27To dig around the base
01:02:29Of the bars
01:02:29From the window
01:02:30I got one of them
01:02:31Who saw it
01:02:32One of them
01:02:32Escape?
01:02:33What are you, crazy?
01:02:38Look
01:02:39It's the duty of every POW
01:02:40To try and escape
01:02:41We're in the middle of a desert
01:02:42What good is it gonna do
01:02:43For us to escape?
01:02:44To complete the recon mission
01:02:46Soldier
01:02:46A special operations cargo plane
01:02:48Was instructed to make
01:02:49A supply drop
01:02:50At a rendezvous point
01:02:51About 15k north of here
01:02:53If we can get off this place
01:02:54I can get a Cileron
01:02:55If we want
01:02:56You're insane
01:02:57Okay, the Libyans
01:02:57Are gonna launch chemical weapons
01:02:58We're much safer here
01:02:59No
01:03:00I'm a soldier
01:03:01And I got a job to do
01:03:02And so are you
01:03:05Now get to work
01:03:06Private
01:03:07I'm lonely
01:03:11Rescue me
01:03:12Get working, baby
01:03:28My heart
01:03:30You know what
01:03:31You didn't scare me
01:03:32I just felt like screaming
01:03:34Don't worry about it
01:03:35Most men think I'm scary
01:03:39So you can't sleep, huh?
01:03:41I'm too excited
01:03:43Excited?
01:03:44They might torture us tomorrow
01:03:46They might even kill us
01:03:47I know
01:03:48It's just like the night
01:03:49Before Christmas
01:03:50Yeah, well at my house
01:03:51We got presents
01:03:52I'm talking about
01:03:54The anticipation
01:03:57We might die
01:03:59We might escape it
01:04:01We don't know what's gonna happen
01:04:02That's the coolest thing
01:04:03In the whole world
01:04:04Most girls are into horses
01:04:06And stuff
01:04:07They're weird
01:04:10Most men say that, too
01:04:14I like it
01:04:17You do?
01:04:19Yeah
01:04:20Horses are boring
01:04:30I know
01:04:31If I do get us out of here
01:04:33And I will
01:04:34Is it true
01:04:36What you said
01:04:36About pulling me up
01:04:37And all that wild sex stuff
01:04:39I'll have you kiss me again
01:04:44Okay
01:04:48Get away
01:04:49I think I got
01:04:52Wait, look
01:04:52Look at it
01:04:53You got it?
01:04:54Yeah, look
01:04:55Look
01:04:56Oh!
01:04:57Oh!
01:05:00Oh!
01:05:01Star!
01:05:02Star!
01:05:03You gotta wake up
01:05:04I can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06It's not an alarm
01:05:07It's an air raid silence
01:05:08Oh, thank God
01:05:11I thought it
01:05:12Was having another panic attack
01:05:15What?
01:05:18Oh!
01:05:19Oh!
01:05:21Oh!
01:05:24Oh!
01:05:28Oh!
01:05:28Oh!
01:05:29Oh!
01:05:32Oh!
01:05:33It's okay
01:05:34It's okay
01:06:00It's okay
01:06:08That was good, just a little more to the left
01:06:10And we got him
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene
01:06:18From Pirates of the Caribbean
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog
01:06:22Right?
01:06:24And then we can go
01:06:25Quiet, just try it again
01:06:29Yeah!
01:06:37Well done, well done!
01:06:40Oh, wow!
01:06:43Oh!
01:06:47Oh!
01:06:51Oh!
01:06:52Oh!
01:06:53Oh!
01:06:54Oh!
01:06:54Oh!
01:07:09No, no, no, we're lost in the desert again.
01:07:24Without food and water again.
01:07:27Stuck with this special forces guy.
01:07:30He can't even walk because he got his legs shot up.
01:07:32Fred, we're free.
01:07:33Damn, we're gonna die free.
01:07:35Or maybe not.
01:07:4455 American dollars.
01:07:46And then on top of it, see this, Chuck?
01:07:50Serious, bona fide Libyan army fighting machine.
01:07:54And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend.
01:07:57And maybe if you're lucky, you might even have a cool 8 track.
01:08:00You can play abu-da-ba-da-ba-da stuff on it.
01:08:04And you ask me, how could it be?
01:08:07Why such a deal?
01:08:08Because we're crazy, boys.
01:08:11We're giving it away.
01:08:21Do you like this watch?
01:08:22Is it interesting?
01:08:23No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:08:25No, he likes it.
01:08:26The watch.
01:08:27Come on, it's got the phases of the moon and the compass.
01:08:31What?
01:08:32Does this have a compass?
01:08:33Yeah.
01:08:34Really?
01:08:35Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days,
01:08:37and you're telling me this watch has a compass.
01:08:39Sorry.
01:08:40Ooh, Jack.
01:08:41Ooh, you're gonna get some noogies later.
01:08:43I'm gonna just pound you like this.
01:08:44I forgot.
01:08:45Yeah, well, uh...
01:08:46About the compass.
01:08:47Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack,
01:08:49because it's gone.
01:08:51Uh-huh.
01:08:52Here you go, my friend.
01:08:54Hey, you guys.
01:08:54In my life, I've seen a lot of camel's toes,
01:09:00but I've never seen one in a camel.
01:09:03I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.
01:09:06Really?
01:09:06How can you tell?
01:09:07Because he's been nibbling on your ears.
01:09:10Yeah.
01:09:11And licking on your neck.
01:09:14It's okay.
01:09:16You're just a camel.
01:09:20Our supply drops on the other side of that Libyan base.
01:09:23What? What Libyan base?
01:09:25Pones, are you blind?
01:09:27It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.
01:09:29What are you talking about?
01:09:31I guess we're gonna have to go around it.
01:09:34Around what?
01:09:35See that jeep right there?
01:09:36Mm-hmm, I see the jeep.
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:38But I certainly don't...
01:09:41Oh, you mean that Libyan base,
01:09:43the one under the camo tent.
01:09:46I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base.
01:09:50Will there be medical supplies?
01:09:51Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio.
01:09:55Everything we need.
01:09:56Yeah, but where is it?
01:09:57It's supposed to be right here.
01:10:00Hey, you guys!
01:10:01Come on!
01:10:04Come on, you guys!
01:10:06Come on!
01:10:11Woo!
01:10:12Woo!
01:10:16Woo!
01:10:20Well done.
01:10:21Yeah.
01:10:23Jack.
01:10:24Go on!
01:10:26Hot wheels!
01:10:36Oh!
01:10:42Star!
01:10:44It is not true that they were in arms.
01:10:47Be all you can be in the army.
01:10:52What happened to him?
01:10:53I think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood.
01:10:58But look at his gums. They're fabulous, man.
01:11:00Not a touch of gingivitis.
01:11:02He's been flossing.
01:11:03Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?
01:11:05Oh, that's the morphine.
01:11:07Absolutely. The morphine better.
01:11:12Hello? Somebody answer us, please.
01:11:14You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle.
01:11:17Please, just help us.
01:11:18Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
01:11:20Oh, thank God it's you.
01:11:21Listen, don't say my name.
01:11:24What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad?
01:11:28Uh, something about your clock being broken.
01:11:31Close enough.
01:11:32Okay, calm down, son.
01:11:34We're gonna get you out of there.
01:11:35Now listen carefully.
01:11:36Your call sign is now Glendale.
01:11:39Our call sign is now Burbank.
01:11:43Did you recover the fast attack vehicles, Glendale?
01:11:45Oh, you mean those dune buggies.
01:11:47Yeah, those things are intense.
01:11:48Good. This equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission.
01:11:54You are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place.
01:12:00Say what?
01:12:01You have to take over, Glendale.
01:12:04Listen, let me explain something first of all, Sergeant. We're water boys.
01:12:08Your soldiers first, Glendale.
01:12:12Now, listen up.
01:12:14The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area.
01:12:19These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.
01:12:23Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them.
01:12:26Do you want us to find them?
01:12:28Well, what about Stern? Stern can find them. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?
01:12:31Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? Teacher says I'm a natural.
01:12:38These scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage.
01:12:44Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place?
01:12:47Listen, we saw the thing this morning. Stern wrote down the coordinates, right Stern?
01:12:52We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it.
01:12:55Come on, send the Air Force!
01:12:57It's not enough to tell us. You have to go back there and paint it.
01:13:02Paint it? Trust me, it looks perfectly fine the way it is.
01:13:06I mean paint it with the laser.
01:13:08The laser target designator is in your equipment.
01:13:12All you have to do is return to that base, point the laser at it, and call me back on
01:13:17the radio.
01:13:18The Air Force will do the rest. You can be a mile away in perfect safety.
01:13:24All right, wait a minute.
01:13:26Chris!
01:13:27What?
01:13:28Get over here.
01:13:28Bones, they can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff.
01:13:32Fred, do you use lasers in dentistry, right?
01:13:35I know what's going on. You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right?
01:13:39No. My laser was a little itty-bitty laser. This is a big laser. There's a difference.
01:13:44Glendale? Glendale?
01:13:45No, no, no, no. Can't they just evacuate the bases?
01:13:48Yeah, or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies, pop the
01:13:53base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it.
01:13:56Now you listen to me, Glendale.
01:13:57Please, hold yourself there one second.
01:14:00I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? Just have a cup of java. Please,
01:14:04chill.
01:14:08Fred, when you first got here, you were completely freaked out, right?
01:14:12Yeah.
01:14:13And now look at you, huh? You're a regular G.I. Joe, a fighting man from head to toe.
01:14:19And Chris, you wanted infantry.
01:14:22Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you got.
01:14:27And Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up.
01:14:31But now look at you. You're still a screw-up, but if you did this and you survived, you'd have
01:14:36stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids.
01:14:39Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale.
01:14:44But this whole event has changed our lives. Do you know who we owe it to? The army.
01:14:50This is something we gotta do. Come on, go with it.
01:14:53Chris, I know you're with me.
01:14:57Yeah, boy.
01:14:58Fred, listen, if you can't handle it, I understand, man.
01:15:01I can handle it.
01:15:03Jack, what do you say, man?
01:15:06Oh, I say, I say you're crazy. I think you're all nuts.
01:15:11But you're the private first class. I'm the private. I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever.
01:15:17All right, you guys, let's do this thing. Kick it, man.
01:15:21Darren, are you ready?
01:15:23Let's go, Bone.
01:15:24I know, I know. It's just a little bit of business I have to take care of.
01:15:33You're gonna have to go now.
01:15:36You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:49All right, troops!
01:15:53Let's go bust some scuds!
01:16:08Oh, boy!
01:16:12Oh, boy!
01:16:14Oh, boy!
01:16:16Oh, boy!
01:16:20Oh, boy!
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, as in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing.
01:16:54I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:12Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good.
01:17:33Lay low.
01:17:35And report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:17:59Come on.
01:18:03Tell me again about the store.
01:18:06Oh, the store.
01:18:08Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:13size.
01:18:14Sa-
01:18:14No!
01:18:18Uh.
01:18:19Oh.
01:18:21Oh.
01:18:25Вот it Because we got it.
01:18:27What is it, Clare?
01:18:36Yeah!
01:18:38What is it?
01:18:39What is it, Clare?
01:18:40Oh and I have to do that.
01:18:41Oh, I have to go.
01:18:42Oh, no.
01:18:42Oh, no.
01:18:43Look at the target!
01:18:46Tell him to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry, we got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it, stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys, Jack. As hon.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02All right, this is for the Glendale Waterboy.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:50Get out of here!
01:20:18Shit!
01:20:21Missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where are you going, soldiers? We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's missed.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:36You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:39Wait one.
01:20:49The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54ETA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes?
01:20:56What are you, crazy? We don't have three minutes.
01:20:58In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:00We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:08Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:20You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:24Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey, hey!
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:39Hey, hey!
01:21:40What the fuck?
01:21:42What the fuck?
01:21:47All right, my man!
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:22:03You guys, move over.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:06Whoa.
01:22:09Cockfiring mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Shut up.
01:22:28Aim, set range, if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:32I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time
01:22:35when I'm gonna rip your spine out
01:22:36and use it for a putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push, safety, and hold down.
01:22:45Okay, now, everybody back.
01:22:48Fire by pushing, trick.
01:22:50Shut up.
01:22:55Suck on this the one time!
01:23:04Oh, sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:13Whoa!
01:23:37Yes!
01:23:39Yes!
01:23:46Oh, man!
01:23:50That's my signal.
01:23:52Everyone screams like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57One and go!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:20I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:23Yeah, don't mess with the Glendale Reservants!
01:24:30Behind them!
01:24:30Two weeks a year!
01:24:32One week in a month!
01:24:33We're the few!
01:24:34We're the proud!
01:24:37We're the water!
01:24:38We're the water boy!
01:24:41Oh, Doc!
01:24:42Get down!
01:24:43Let's go!
01:24:44Let's go!
01:25:06Let's go!
01:25:33Yes, yes!
01:25:37Not bad for a bunch of waterboys, huh?
01:25:40No! Soldiers!
01:25:42I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Handmail!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations!
01:25:57You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant!
01:26:01It was an adventure!
01:26:35You're gonna have to go get a blood test!
01:26:36You're gonna have to go get a bone!
01:27:08You're gonna have to go get a blood test!
01:27:10An outstanding job!
01:27:12You won't be done!
01:27:14Not allrock Mmm!
01:27:33Oh, daddy!
01:27:36Now I'm all
01:27:36Thank you all
Commenti