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TVTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:34Welcome! Welcome to a brand new series of Taskmasters!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so.
00:53I'm Henry VIII of Chuckles and my big belly is in need of laughs.
00:58Yum, yum!
01:01So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:10Amy Glenhill!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Armando Iannucci!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Joanna Payne!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20Joel Donets!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22And Kamel Nanjani!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27Next to me a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war
01:32he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy
01:35because he loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43HE LAUGHS
01:44HE LAUGHS
01:45HE LAUGHS
01:47HE LAUGHS
01:48Right.
01:49You're half right.
01:50Hello!
01:51Hello!
01:52What's the best prize task of the series, please, with Alex Horne?
01:55Well, Greg, you told them your problem and they're here to help
01:59because the category is the thing most likely to deter people
02:03from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises
02:14and all five deterrents will head home with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:27Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:39Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:50And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on when you go into a garden or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:08I'm never going to break into that house.
03:11That's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:18Armando, can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:23But I've just put a sign at my gate, which is...
03:26This sign here is from our living room.
03:27This sign here, and...
03:28Oh, God!
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:38So are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like,
03:42Oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45I mean, if someone's going to steal from me,
03:46I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
03:59What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it.
04:21And so they did, like, a mould thing of my head,
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it.
04:27And so they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:31so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:37I've never had so much information in my life.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:46And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them,
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:56LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:08Hello, Joel.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame,
05:14and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19Ooh, it's good.
05:23I love my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32But it's not a nice thing, is it? We agree.
05:34Well, absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:47You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53The thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:00I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07LAUGHTER
06:09Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong. OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:31Now, Department of Homeland Security is going to put me off over here.
06:34Oh, it's over here, right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40Fuck.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:45OK.
06:45I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done.
07:04APPLAUSE
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:12Well, it's actually something a little...
07:15Oh, my God.
07:18Oh, my God.
07:18Wait, wait, wait.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:25LAUGHTER
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29There's no-one else got an egg.
07:30Can we see your egg?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:36Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:48APPLAUSE
08:02Oh, close than I expected.
08:05So there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:10Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:12Protect this egg.
08:14It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:44LAUGHTER
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:54No!
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:00Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like,
09:14oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:16LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:20And also, you'll notice it didn't say,
09:22if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:27I guess it's up to you, Greg, if we get to episode 10
09:30and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn.
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:37LAUGHTER
09:40OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:43And now, as if things couldn't get any better,
09:45I've got worms.
09:48Oh.
09:51MUSIC
09:55MUSIC
09:56MUSIC
09:57MUSIC
10:01Caravan?
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:07MUSIC
10:07I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that, Kat.
10:13And I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you then.
10:19LAUGHTER
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25It doesn't look like it.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:30Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:32Fastest wins. Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38Find a worm.
10:38A worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one then.
10:52APPLAUSE
10:57I think let's just crack on with it, really.
10:59OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05WHISTLE BLOWS
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up.
11:09But that would be cruel and there probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an ear worm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An ear worm.
11:29An ear worm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:35Find a worm.
11:36A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:38Where would a worm be?
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:40Where would a worm be?
11:40Where would a worm be?
11:41Where would a worm be?
11:41Where would a worm be?
11:41Where would a worm be?
11:42Where would a worm be?
11:43Where would a worm be?
11:46Where would a worm be?
11:54Where would a worm be?
11:57A worm?
11:59right they're maggots they're not worms are they is that a worm might be it's not a worm
12:07because i know what to it's not a worm right that's a worm oh you've got a mealworm that's
12:13a mealworm yeah lovely lovely we're gonna dig up the garden it's like when it's been raining
12:19that's when they come up yeah there's gonna be hundreds in a minute
12:28oh my god i found a worm i found a worm i don't want to touch it because i don't
12:34like touching them
12:35i found a worm you found a worm i found a worm
12:45wow i think we know who the bbc are coming to and attenborough finally retires
12:52there was quite a long period of that vt that you were just both walking around saying find
12:57a worm and i sort of imagined if one of your family members that have been there they'd have
13:02turned to me and gone she does this where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not
13:09well i'll tell you now i'm making a judgment the mealworms are worms so if that was presented
13:13it's a worm okay well joanna 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground unharmed
13:19but amy you won't believe it three minutes 35 to find a worm a worm wow i would have said
13:26she was
13:26saying find a worm for one hour okay that's the end of part one and time for our first break
13:33of the
13:33series but first let's see how their nerves are holding up because oh i'll stop it
13:41yay quick quick quick quick quick quick we'll see you soon
13:59well welcome back to taskmaster where it's very early in the series and we've already lowered the
14:06bar with a worm finding task yes greg you're absolutely right amy and joanna went first and
14:12succeeded which proves that the early birds do catch the worms i think that's fine to say and we're
14:16now going to give two hollywood superstars a reality check by making them look for worms
14:22just like the rest of us have to it's armando ianucci and kumail nanjiani okay where would a worm be
14:31early birds early birds get worms you want me to find you an early bird would it have a worm
14:36in its
14:37mouth not this time of day you're looking for a worm that's not it what do you mean find a
14:45worm it's a
14:46little wiggly guys oh my god have you ever looked for a worm before i don't think i have i
14:57get that
14:58impression i don't i've never been into worms are those worms i don't know really they are
15:04well up to you really they're called mealworms can you search is a mealworm a worm
15:10okay no mealworm is not a true worm it's the larval stage of a darkling beetle
15:16i should not have had you search for that right books in books were book a bookworm i love books
15:23so
15:24i'm a bookworm i am a bookworm and this is a reminder of the other sort of worm and you
15:32know
15:33that's it would you like me to stop the clock i think so i mean in my head it stopped
15:37a long time ago
16:01oh my god that's a worm i just got a flashback
16:04when i when my cat had something like this but i saw one coming out of my cat's wormhole
16:10out of my cat's wormhole
16:21there's this trend uh armando on this show where and i speak of a man of a certain vintage
16:27thank you very much where i i find myself pointing out how grumpy and or disinterested
16:33people of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on this show you're the first to do both
16:39but in the final analysis pretty good i thought i'm buying bookworms straight away
16:44oh fantastic there we go yeah you like that right so of the three we've done two of them have
16:48not found
16:52worms
16:54mealworm is not a worm and a bookworm a mealworm is a worm it's not a worm
17:01i've already given the points
17:03and i do think okay you know what you're right yeah yeah
17:10yeah yeah she should certainly have a point well just one sweet little boy left to go it's joel domit
17:18i know exactly where to look
17:23i'm going in the kitchen right now
17:45i wrote your enthusiasm was infectious uh you were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm
17:51but i was a teacher for many years and if you'd invaded my space like you did with alex
17:57it would have resulted in retribution
18:00long since not been acceptable in schools
18:07excited boy isn't he yes but who wouldn't be you you'd be excited if you found a worm in 21
18:12.8 seconds
18:19yeah
18:23but then it gets interesting you have amy in second place joanna third place armando the
18:28bookworm 16 minutes and one point to kamel it took half an hour to find his worm well done
18:39right let's see the first scoreboard of the series please the assistant okay well
18:44unfortunately that means kamel you're in last place with three amy's in the lead with nine points
18:52well done okay i'd like another task and i'd like to see how they work together in teams
19:00oh it's a great call from a great guy with great thighs yes it's the first
19:06team task of the series and i for one am buzzing
19:23amando alex good morning good morning are these all fake what do you mean
19:31that's what a pineapple sounds like nope hello come in hi hi oh my god hi hi i'm amy hi
19:44i'm
19:45from hell nice to meet you how are you doing i'm great nice to meet you any particular favorite amongst
19:50them a lime lime a lime there's one particular line right oh hello hello
19:59hi hi hi yeah nice to see you how long have you been here uh literally just walked in right
20:05yes well off the street uh yes yeah no there's your buzzer amy so now i'll have someone to melt
20:13down with
20:16hey guys how's it going hi hi i'm kamel you're so famous nice to meet you you're so famous
20:25you look very cool like a leather cap look how cool thanks man thank you i wonder what that is
20:32would you like one as well china yes please thank you joel like me if you google you the second
20:40picture is you without a shirt i'm frustrated it's not the first wow oh my gosh yes come on then
20:48okay then right go right uh give greg five foods correctly when the buzzer buzzes give greg one food
20:57if you give greg the wrong food you must start again if your buzzer does not buzz you must stay
21:02in this
21:03room first team to give greg five correct foods wins do you have a maximum of 35 minutes and your
21:10time
21:10starts immediately who's greg look have you seen the show oh greg i was in the moment and because you
21:35weren't in the room at that time i was like oh my god what's going on what have i got
21:39a look at who's
21:40greg hey let's see the teams in action can we yes and we're going to begin by seeing if the
21:48team of
21:48three figured it out it's joel amy and kumel here we go oh it's buzzing we have to give him
21:58a correct
21:58food i'm gonna go uh orange potentially nectarine potentially let's try it all right yes he said all
22:10yes okay it's me it's me yeah what do we go for another fruit a pineapple oh yes yes you
22:20like the
22:20pineapple he likes you like the pineapple okay all right all right onion onion onion onion
22:38oh bad news guys oh okay so so these are the ones we know he likes yeah okay yes
22:52no i wouldn't have thought so no oh god okay no doesn't like the pea doesn't like the pea okay
22:58carrot goes there we like hey he goes over here yes yes guys we just need one more that was
23:05good he
23:05likes it so we know we just need one more yes please love the cucumber oh so we've got it
23:14all we just
23:14have to wait until with their buzz and then we can go okay go this is fun now okay now
23:20we can just
23:20enjoy wow we really really nailed that one no no what he said no he said no to carrot he
23:31said yes to
23:31carrot before so there's an order okay so he liked this then this the mood has really changed
23:44yes yes yes what do you want greg
23:50was that always there the drink price because there are five things there there's one over here as well
23:59it says instead of time starts now it says time starts immediately and your time starts immediately
24:06why is it immediately instead of now is it syllables like and your time starts immediately egg meat fruit protein
24:17vegetables oh each one has more letters than the last
24:25can we go up from orange carrot
24:36yes yes and how much time do we have left you've got about 40 seconds oh this is great guys
24:44this feels
24:44real well we don't have much time left give us a buzz give us a buzz give us a buzz
24:51there's like a final scene in the eternal you've never seen it i've seen it
24:57yes please one more one more one more 15 seconds
25:03everybody come here whoever it is will run buzz make a buzz
25:15yes yes yes yes yes yes guys you get it that was
25:29well it was it was a shaky start when i witnessed two grown adults turn into like take that fun
25:40but every time we left we were like
25:49although actually pretty cohesive team i thought they were a good team they were working well
25:54amy what was all that syllable bullshit towards the end though i didn't
25:57do you know what was all that in primary school you go who is greg alex two syllables yeah how
26:04does it
26:04apply to this task sorry but the words were getting bigger oh she was on the right line so what's
26:13amy that worked out that the words yeah yeah that there were more syllables yeah ah i apologize for
26:19calling your system
26:29okay advert time have a break have some tea leave your man come back to me
26:45hello again it's the third part of the show and it's a team task in play alex what's the deal
26:51oh hey mate yeah they're trying to give your statue five correct foods the team of three managed
26:58to work out that it's all about delivering the food in order of the number of letters in each
27:02item's name and they delivered the goods just in time but it's fastest wins so how will the other
27:06team get on representing scotland and italy and wales it's armando and armando and joanna
27:13right there's a pineapple here is it stuff that's in here yeah oh it's you it's you
27:22all right yes yes why do we have such a long time it's because we've got to discover things food
27:30that was egg meat fruit protein vegetables so meat meat it's you again give him a meat
27:38right hang on
27:42i'm afraid it's a no oh
27:46it's really nice it's supposed to make sense he's a lot slower than me it sort of highlights my manicness
27:53that was a rejection no way no i know oh my god so we've got to start again oh you're
27:59buzzing now
28:02i'm gonna go and get an egg from the kitchen right okay how are you finding being on a team
28:06with
28:06joanna so it's uh it's certainly uh walking me up yes i think she's got high expectations of you on
28:18them
28:26i think yes on this occasion yes oh my god we need a fruit now we've got you a pineapple
28:35oh yes oh yes brilliant so we've got to find some protein what about that because that or will you
28:43just go that is just basically a cow oh i've broken the egg i've broken the egg
28:56five years i'm afraid oh you are kidding me i've broken the egg
29:01right we're going with our trusty egg yeah cool yes we're trying an orange this time yes please
29:10yeah i just want to be spelling out eb o ebola
29:21sorry breast chicken do you like it all right then yes cool five foods
29:28we just go for it let's see around okay cauliflower greg but we don't know why
29:34oh yeah oh my god she said yes yes yes yes yes i have to talk the clock excellent do
29:42you know why you
29:43succeeded no no
29:55just fascinating dynamic this i can't wait to see
29:58this team play out yeah yeah we didn't need to know what they know just as well because you
30:06thought we were trying to get you to spell out ebola
30:13that does make more sense shall i tell you some timings greg yes please well we know the team of
30:21three
30:21found it just in the nick of time nearly 35 minutes the team of two 21 minutes
30:26so how many points should the team of three get they did succeed they did succeed three points five
30:35and three
30:41great another task please and can it be big fun on a big scale
30:47yes yes and yes because you deserve it greg also just so you know i'm in great shape
30:53so
31:11where is he
31:23Why are you laughing?
31:24You look incredible.
31:26Well, it's a hot day.
31:27Hi, Joel.
31:29Hello, Alex.
31:31Come on.
31:31You've been working out.
31:33I need to go to the gym.
31:34You look really good.
31:36Do you mind?
31:37Yeah, go on, yeah.
31:38It's so warm.
31:39I might join you.
31:40This is really exciting.
31:43Put the most t-shirts on Alex.
31:47Alex would only wear t-shirts launched
31:49from the t-shirt launcher.
31:51And onto a target,
31:53according to the t-shirt launcher rules, there.
31:58If a t-shirt lands in a blue circle,
32:01Alex must wear that t-shirt.
32:03White circle.
32:04Alex must wear every t-shirt that has been fired.
32:07So the white circle is the best one.
32:10If a t-shirt lands on the central target,
32:12that t-shirt must be dunked in the bucket,
32:14then put on Alex.
32:15Then that is the end of the task.
32:17Oh, God.
32:18If a t-shirt lands in a red circle,
32:20Alex must take off every t-shirt that he's wearing.
32:23You must always launch upwards,
32:25and each t-shirt can only be launched once.
32:28If you catch the golden t-shirt,
32:32your t-shirt total will be doubled.
32:34You have 20 minutes until you've run out of t-shirts.
32:37Your time starts on the whistle.
32:39Have you used a t-shirt launcher before?
32:41No, I've never used a t-shirt launcher before, Alex.
32:45What do you think my life is?
32:46I've used one before.
32:47I worked at the basketball.
32:49Uh-huh.
32:49The basketball?
32:50For the Lakers.
32:52Who's your favourite player on the Lakers?
32:54Cube.
32:54Cube.
32:55Cube is good.
32:57Fuck, he's good.
32:58Fuck, he's good.
32:59LAUGHTER
33:03APPLAUSE
33:05Right, well, Greg,
33:06Kamel is up first with Armando and George.
33:09But before we begin,
33:10I do have to give one of these health and safety warnings
33:12about the video that's coming up.
33:14Just look at the size of his arms!
33:15They're massive!
33:16OK, here we go.
33:17LAUGHTER
33:18OK.
33:21Just a test.
33:25Whoa!
33:28Oh!
33:30Whoa!
33:32Whoa!
33:34Whoa!
33:36Whoa!
33:37Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:38Very satisfying.
33:41I might just do this all day.
33:42I'm trying something else.
33:44OK.
33:44New strategy.
33:46LAUGHTER
33:48It's never happened to me before.
33:51It's not usually a problem I have.
33:57That has happened to you before.
33:59Yeah, it just happened to me.
34:00Now, twice in a row.
34:05Oh, no!
34:06Take it off.
34:07Well, I'm not wearing a T-shirt, luckily.
34:10OK.
34:10This is so fun, man.
34:13Oh!
34:14That one unflapped!
34:15Oh!
34:16Oh!
34:17Oh!
34:17Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:19Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:24A lovely launch.
34:28Yes!
34:29That's on the white!
34:30It's touching the white!
34:32I don't think it is.
34:34Stay there.
34:35OK.
34:37LAUGHTER
34:38is that on the white that's not on the white either it's golden t-shirt all
34:44the t-shirts are ah right okay I catch this have not yeah being careful be
34:49careful yeah yeah this is nerve-wracking best of luck don't need
34:54it mate are you good at catching yeah I've been catching t-shirts my whole
34:58life oh okay bit of extra juice
35:14come on come on
35:18come on I can't remember what it does
35:28what does it do oh
35:37pleasure thank you thanks for having me
35:41yeah I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before almost 15 t-shirts left
35:50oh interesting
35:56no no no no no oh it's so wet arms up and two oh it's quite cold one yep doesn't
36:05say I should be behind the line there is no line
36:13all right I've got two minutes to put on as many t-shirts as possible you have two minutes no
36:17then you should all put them put them on here
36:22one and a half minutes okay hurry up hurry hurry hurry
36:26this your first day of putting on t-shirts come on man no
36:29why are you so bad at it
36:31that's the end of the talk the time's up
36:34to think you've built this
36:36for two t-shirts
36:38it's all coming down now
36:44well goodness me have we ever had a contrast between men
36:49like we have here
36:50the opening reaction to the t-shirt launch was like
36:54whoa
36:55whoa
36:56and then we cut over here and it's like a very satisfying
37:01come out you a real action hero for about 30 seconds
37:05I went this man's gonna be deadly accurate
37:08and then was just a total collapse
37:11yeah the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple times
37:13once you stop trusting yourself there's nowhere to go
37:18he's right
37:21right advert time in the final part of the show
37:24someone will feel the high of victory and then a couple of hours later
37:28find themselves sitting at home between mrs clatterbottom and a randy mannequin
37:32and then and only then will the haunting introspection begin
37:36I'll be here in a minute
37:45I'll be here in a minute
37:45APPLAUSE
37:46Hello!
37:47Welcome back to the final part of the show
37:49the current task started off promisingly
37:52in an incredible location with a t-shirt cannon
37:55but then on plotted Alex in a cheap nylon muscle t-shirt
37:59and any hint of cool instantly vanished
38:05it wasn't a t-shirt and this iPad does actually play the videos
38:08and you are definitely still six foot eight
38:10there are only two people left to go
38:13it is Amy and Joanna
38:16this is fun
38:17this is fun
38:18wow!
38:21oh!
38:22oh!
38:23oh!
38:23oh my good god
38:27wow!
38:30wow!
38:31wow!
38:33wow!
38:34wow!
38:37right!
38:39well that goes far doesn't it?
38:41can I take some of these t-shirts down there?
38:43yeah I can bring the thing down for you if you want
38:45oh my god come on let's go down
38:47okay
38:47I'm strong remember
38:48okay
38:59what am I doing with the gold one now?
39:01you're trying to catch it
39:02if you catch it
39:02you're total at the edge
39:04and the end will be doubled
39:05are you good at catching?
39:07yep
39:08okay
39:14ah!
39:19ah!
39:20oh my god that was incredible
39:22I have to say I've let myself down a year on
39:25but I think I brought it back with that
39:29oh!
39:33all I've got to do is get something on the white
39:35and then you've got to put the loads on
39:37mhm
39:37right I'm not going to think about it
39:41yes!
39:42yes!
39:43should I start putting them on?
39:44yeah start getting them on
39:46I think I'm just going to help you put on t-shirts
39:48do the what?
39:52oh you're like a big baby
39:54I've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on
39:57this fast for forever
40:02yes!
40:03yes!
40:04you've got to dunk that in the bucket
40:04put it on me and that's the end of the task
40:06oh yes!
40:10there we go
40:11as I put in the condom on the sausage
40:15oh my gosh this is brilliant
40:17that's me saying
40:18you've run out?
40:19yeah
40:19Tosco
40:20brilliant
40:21high five
40:22thank you!
40:24thank you!
40:31yeah
40:32well I guess the obvious first question is
40:33have you put her condom on the sausage?
40:36have you?
40:38maybe once
40:39okay
40:42they both managed to get a lot of t-shirts on me
40:44they were running out at the time
40:45you dunked one at the end
40:46because you wanted to put a wet one on me
40:48excuse me
40:48time was running out
40:50so both women got 24 t-shirts
40:53whoo!
40:54wow!
40:55thank you for
40:57wow!
40:58wow!
40:59well Joanna has to be doubled the number of shirts you put on me
41:02what does that do to the score?
41:03well it means Armando gets one point for his one t-shirt
41:05Joel got six
41:06so he gets two points
41:07Kamel
41:0812
41:09three points
41:09Amy
41:10twice as many
41:1124
41:12four points
41:12Joanna
41:13twice as many again
41:1348 t-shirts
41:14and five points
41:15to join
41:19whoo!
41:21do you see a scoreboard then?
41:22sure
41:22yes
41:22and it does mean the women are on top
41:24Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17
41:26then Amy on 16 points
41:30whoo!
41:31all right everyone
41:32will you please make your way to the stage
41:35for the first final task of the show
41:46hello my handsome prince
41:47i'm a little worm
41:49hello greg
41:50who will be reaching the task for us?
41:52i think johanna page
41:53ah
41:54johanna page
41:55you ready?
41:58find four oranges
42:00if you find an apple
42:01you miss your next go
42:03if you find a lemon
42:05the order reverses
42:07if you find a duck
42:09you must greet the duck by name
42:11if you find an orange
42:13you can look under another can
42:16fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins
42:20who's starting Alex?
42:22Amy's going to start
42:23i've also got to say
42:24only one person gets points here
42:26only the orange finder gets five points
42:30ready?
42:30ready
42:31ready
42:31amy
42:32find the orange
42:33find the orange
42:35apple
42:36that means
42:36i miss my next go
42:37you miss your next go
42:38Amanda you're up
42:41apple
42:41you miss your next go
42:44lemon
42:45that means the order reverses
42:46you miss a go
42:46you miss a go
42:47so it's Camel's turn
42:54hello
42:55Dave
43:00hello
43:01Dr. Cooper
43:06hello
43:07Dave
43:09ah
43:10please
43:13come on
43:17ah
43:19ah
43:20ah
43:20ah
43:20ah
43:20ah
43:20ah
43:21ah
43:21ah
43:21ah
43:26ah
43:29ah
43:30ah
43:30ah
43:30ah
43:30ah
43:31yes
43:34yay
43:35ah
43:36ah
43:37ah
43:37the nice you're bitch
43:40there we go
43:41good feeling
43:42good vibes
43:43ah
43:47Debbie where are the fucking orange
43:51справills
43:53wow
43:54ah
44:06Oh
44:17Twiddles the moustache
44:25Oh
44:45Right that
44:56It was
45:07Yes, oh my god, I feel very confident
45:11Come on Joanna
45:19Yes
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna. I always thought Joanna
45:26Yeah, feels good, isn't it? Yeah, feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:56You did it! Come down here and we'll lead back to the final score!
46:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:15Well, only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges and that was, of course, Joanna Page. You
46:19get the full five points, Joanna!
46:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38She's won the episode with 22, boys!
46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:42Joanna Page wins!
46:44Please pop up and claim your property to keep the full of your property!
46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:53So, what have we learnt today?
46:55Well, we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller. If you take part, there is no hierarchy. There is no
47:01ego. It's just five humans being together.
47:06But also, oh my god, he's so famous!
47:10LAUGHTER
47:15We have begun! We'll see you soon for episode two, but for now, here is your winner for the night,
47:21Joanna Page!
47:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:47LAUGHTER
47:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:53działa
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