- 2 weeks ago
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00:00FIXING TRUCKS, DRIVING TRACTORS, BUILDING STUFF IN MY SHED, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I DO.
00:11BUT WHAT OTHER JOBS COULD I HAVE DONE?
00:15RIMSBY BIKE RACER GUY MARTIN IS LOOKING FOR WORK.
00:20YOU HAPPY? YEAH.
00:23I HAVE TO GO DO SOME INTERESTING JOBS.
00:25MEET THE FOLKS THAT DO THEM, SEE IF I CAN DO THEM MYSELF.
00:29THE MAN WHO LOVES TO GRAFT IS GOING TO TRY SOME OF BRITAN'S MOST CHALLENGING TRADES.
00:35YOU SEE THE SMOKE COMING OUT MY EAR, OLD MAN.
00:38COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S GO FIND THE GRASS.
00:41AND LEARN FROM THE EVERYDAY HEROES WHO DO THEM.
00:44I'VE LEARNED ALONE DRIVING, WATCHING YOU. REALLY?
00:47MAGIC.
00:49BECAUSE THERE ARE JOBS. JUST LIKE THAT.
00:52AND THERE ARE GUY MARTIN'S PROPER JOBS.
00:55RIGHT ON MY STREET.
00:59ANOTHER WEEK. ANOTHER JOB.
01:03AND WE'RE OFF TO SCOTLAND.
01:05LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE NEXT PROJECT.
01:15FOR YEARS, I'VE HAD A BIT OF A SIDE JOB.
01:19I WORK ON A FARM.
01:21TRACTOR DRIVING, THAT SORT OF THING.
01:25BUT THE SORT OF FARMING I DO IS ARABLE FARMING. LANDWORK.
01:31BUT THERE'S ALWAYS ONE BIT OF FARMING I WANTED TO KNOW A BIT MORE ABOUT.
01:37AND IT'S A SIDE OF FARMING THAT 96% OF BRITS BUY.
01:45WHAT COULD IT BE? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT COULD BE.
01:49SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
01:51I'M GOING TO GO BE A DAIRY FAN.
01:53GO LIVE THE LIFE FOR A DAY OR TWO.
01:55SEE HOW WE GET ON.
01:57YOU LOT HAVE FOUND SOMEONE TO TAKE ME ON, BUT IT IS IN THE BACK END OF NOWHERE.
02:10RIGHT?
02:11LET ME SHOW YOU.
02:12OUTER HEBRIDES, INNER HEBRIDES.
02:15THERE'S ABOUT A HUNDRED ISLANDS ALL IN ALL.
02:19AND YOU LOT HAVE FOUND A JOB FOR ME ON THIS LITTLE FELLOW HERE.
02:25GIA.
02:27HERE HE IS ON THE MAP.
02:32HERE HE IS IN REAL LIFE.
02:37GIA IS THE OLD NORSE WORD FOR GOD'S ISLAND.
02:43ABOUT 160 PEOPLE LIVE ON THIS LITTLE NORTH ATLANTIC PARADISE.
02:49AND VISITORS GET THERE VIA A 20-MINUTE FERRY RIDE.
02:53ALL RIGHT, BOSS.
02:59WE'VE GOT AN INTERESTING WEEK AHEAD.
03:01LEARNING A NEW TRADE.
03:03A TRADE THAT, YEAH, I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT.
03:06IT'S RIGHT ON MY STREET.
03:10A BIT NERVOUS.
03:11BUT YEAH, YEAH.
03:12WHAT'S THERE TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT?
03:14ORDER SOME TEACHES.
03:22GUY IS ABOUT TO BECOME PART OF AN INDUSTRY THAT PROVIDES A NATION WITH PERHAPS ITS MOST IMPORTANT FEW.
03:28HOW MANY LITTERS OF MILK DOES BRITAN CONSUME A YEAR?
03:3615 BILLION, YOU'RE RIGHT.
03:3815 BILLION LITTERS OF MILK DRUNK IN THE UK EVERY YEAR.
03:42THAT'S...
03:43OH, NO, BUT ALL THEN POSH LATES, THEY HAVE LOADS, DON'T THEY?
03:46YEAH, FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
03:49THANK YOU.
03:50CHEERS, MATE.
03:59THE ISLAND HAS A MASSIVE HISTORY OF DAIRIES.
04:01THERE WAS 13 ON THE ISLAND A GEAR.
04:0313 OF THEM!
04:04THE ISLAND.
04:07OBVIOUSLY, I GO IN, PRODUCING MILK HERE, RIGHT?
04:10THERE IS ONLY ONE LEFT NOW.
04:13AND I'M GOING TO GO AND WORK FOR THE BOSS OF THE ONE REMAINING GEAR DAIRY.
04:19RIGHT?
04:20SHE HAS BEEN DOING THE JOB FOR 50 YEARS.
04:24NOW, LAST!
04:31MADE IT!
04:32YOU MUST BE EMMA.
04:33I AM, IS IT?
04:34LULY TO MEET YOU.
04:35I'M GUY.
04:36YOU TOO.
04:37HOW ARE YOU GETTING ON?
04:38YOU'RE SOME PART OF THE WORLD UP HERE, MATE.
04:41I NEVER HEARD A GUY, MARTIN.
04:43GO ON.
04:44WHAT HAVE YOU GOT PREPARED FOR ME, THEN?
04:46I WILL TRY ANYTHING, I'LL DO ELSE.
04:48WE'VE GOT ALL THE JOBS FOR YOU.
04:50RIGHT, GOOD LAST.
04:51KEEP US BUSY, THEN.
04:52ABSOLUTELY.
04:53I'M GOING.
04:54WHAT?
04:55HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW OF A GUY, MARTIN?
04:56ANYWAY.
04:57SO THEY WERE SHOWING MY VIDEOS, AND I'M GOING, GOD, THIS MAN'S MAD.
05:00WHAT'S HAPPENING, BIG MAN?
05:01THAT'S ROCKO.
05:02ROCKO?
05:03I THINK YOU'RE QUITE GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS AND YOU'RE QUITE CLIVER.
05:04I'LL HAVE A GO, MATE.
05:05OH, NO, I'M NOT SAYING I'M CLIVER.
05:06I'M DEFINITELY NOT CLIVER, MATE.
05:07I'LL HAVE A GO.
05:08THERE'S NOT MUCH.
05:09THERE'S NOT MUCH.
05:10I WILL HAVE A GO.
05:11YOU'RE FITTING HERE.
05:12WHEN YOU LIVE IN AN ISLAND, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO DIVER HIM.
05:13YEAH.
05:14YOU KNOW, FOR COWS HAVING DIFFICULTY AT NIGHT TIME, YOU HAVE TO GET THERE AND YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR HANDS IN.
05:18DO YOU THINK YOU'LL HAVE SOME CALVING WHILE I'M IN?
05:20I HOPE SO.
05:21RIGHT, OKAY.
05:22YEAH.
05:23OKAY.
05:24GUY AND EMMA SOON DISCOVER THAT THEY HAVE A SHARED PASSION.
05:28I'M THE WORST FOR THE SWEARING, MATE.
05:30I KNOW, NO.
05:31AND THEN NOW...
05:32YOU'D MAKE YOUR FITTING MARCH HERE.
05:34ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GET ON ALL RIGHT WITH THAT, MEH.
05:39ARE YOU COMING IN?
05:40SEE THE SETUP?
05:41PLEASE, PLEASE, MAKE.
05:42IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
05:43YEAH, YEAH.
05:44LET ME LEAVE...
05:45RIGHT.
05:46WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH THIS MICROPHONE IN THIS HELMET?
05:52THE WE AISLE DAIRY IS AN OLD-FASHION BUSINESS,
05:55PROUD TO PRODUCE MILK THAT TASTS LIKE IT USED TO.
06:01THAT IS MENT, THAT.
06:02THAT IS GOOD STORE.
06:06EMMA DENIS FARMS AROUND 1,000 ACRES,
06:08AND HER 60 COWS ARE FREE TO WANDER WHEREVER THEY PLEASE.
06:26THE ROLLS-ROYCE OF A COW'S LIFE.
06:28LOOK AT THAT.
06:30OH, THEY'VE GOT A BRILLIANT LIFE HERE.
06:35EVEN THIS SMALL HERD PRODUCES NEARLY A MILLION PIINTS OF MILK A YEAR.
06:40HERE IN THE HEART OF THE OPERATION, THE PARLOR,
06:43OR BUYER TO GIVE IT ITS SCOTTISH NAME,
06:45IS A MIX OF PUMPS AND PIPES THAT GUY WILL HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO OPERATE.
06:50THIS WORKS OFF OF AIR.
06:54SO YOU GET VACUUM IN HERE?
06:55YES.
06:56SO YOU OPEN THAT AND THE COWS SHOOT IN THERE.
06:59FIVE ON THAT SIDE, FIVE ON THAT SIDE.
07:01YEAH.
07:03IN LARGE COMMERCIAL DAIRIES,
07:04COWS MIGHT BE CALLED AT THE AGE OF SIX
07:07WHEN THEIR MILK PRODUCTION DECLINES.
07:09THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE.
07:11HOW MANY YEARS CAN YOU GET MILK OUT OF THEM FOR?
07:16WELL, I BURIED A COW AT 28 YEARS OLD.
07:1928?
07:20I'M CRAPPED.
07:21YEAH, YOU GET CENTAMENTAL.
07:22OH, DO YOU GET ATTACHED TO IT?
07:23OH, GOD.
07:24THEY LAST A WHILE, HERE.
07:27I'M NOT BANGING THE FEED IN THEM TO MAKE MORE MILK.
07:30THEY'RE JUST PRODUCING WHAT THEY HAVE AND DOES ME FINE.
07:33THERE'S NO STRESS FROM YOU?
07:34NO STRESS.
07:35RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
07:36YOU'RE NOT SACKING THEM?
07:37NO.
07:38SENDING THEM TO THE GLUE MAKER, RIGHT?
07:39OKAY.
07:40GUY WILL START GRAFTING WITH THE COWS IN THE MORNING,
07:46SO THE ONLY THING LEFT TO SORT OUT WILL BE WHERE HE'S GOING TO STAY.
07:54BEFORE HE GETS HIS HANDS, MUCKY,
07:56HE'S BEEN GIVEN THE KEYS TO A VERY SPECIAL PLACE.
07:59THE DAIRY'S GUEST SHED.
08:03THE DAIRY'S GUEST SHED.
08:09HEY, ROCKER, ARE YOU STAYING WITH ME TONIGHT, BIG MAN?
08:11ARE YOU?
08:13COME ON.
08:14COME ON.
08:15SEE SITS.
08:16YOU'RE GOOD BOY, ARE YOU?
08:17HEY?
08:21YEAH.
08:22WELL, THIS IS ME FOR THE FORSEABLE WEEK.
08:25THERE'S ALL OF THIS STUFF HERE, BUT I'M JUST LOOKING, I'M JUST OBSESSED WITH THAT.
08:28IT'S GOT TO BE THE BEST VIEW IN THE UK, HASN'T IT?
08:30BUT IT HAS NO QUESTION.
08:31SO, YEAH.
08:32HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
08:34WHAT DO YOU THINK, ROCKER?
08:35WHAT'S IT, ROCKER?
08:36WHAT'S IT, ROCKER?
08:37WHAT'S IT?
08:38I THINK HE'S BEEN DECOMMISSIONED, I THINK.
08:39YOU HAVE?
08:40HE HAS BEEN DECOMMISSIONED.
08:41YEAH.
08:42I THINK WE'RE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
08:43IT'S NOT A BAD LIFE, IS IT?
08:44BUT WE'LL NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES.
08:45FIRST SHIFT IN THE MORNING, 7 O'CLOCK.
08:46PLATTY TO LEARN, A LOT TO GO WRONG.
08:47SO, FINGERS CROSS.
08:48GUY MARTIN IS IN THE SOUTHERN HEBRIDES, ON THE ISLE OF GIER.
09:18READY TO START HIS NEW CAREER, AS A DAIRY FARMER.
09:23HOW ARE YOU LOOKING?
09:25WHAT FOR YOU?
09:27QUARTER TO 7 IN THE MORNING.
09:29FIRST DAY AT WORK, YEAH.
09:39IT'S JUST A ONE-MINUTE COMMUTE DOWN THE C22,
09:43THE ISLAND'S ONLY MAIN ROAD, TO TARBET FARM.
09:47TARBET FARMING.
09:50GUY'S ON TIME AND SO ARE THE COWS.
09:56THEY'RE MILKED TWICE A DAY, INSTINCTIVELY TURNING UP AT THE PARLOR DOOR,
10:01Instinctively turning up at the parlour door
10:03at seven in the morning and seven in the evening.
10:09Dairy farmer Emma Dennis does the milking with her 21-year-old son, Sean.
10:14Whether they can teach the step-by-step process
10:16to a man more at home with spanners than udders remains to be seen.
10:21Right, you ready?
10:22Because we're going to do this once.
10:24Right, so you open this, to open that gate.
10:27And that leaves the man.
10:28And then, when they're coming in, you come up here and you press batch two.
10:35You ready? Uh-huh.
10:40Cattle feed called cake is released into each milking station,
10:45encouraging the cows to stand still while they are tended to.
10:50Now, you give them a wee squirt of water.
10:54You do that, all the way up.
10:58And now you have to dry them?
11:02Yep.
11:03All the way down.
11:06She's pretty dirty, actually.
11:08Guys right in the danger zone.
11:11Like a four-hoofed bomb, a cow could go off at any time.
11:15So you have to watch your step.
11:16You just got a kick in the f***ing leg.
11:22Oof.
11:23Calm on them.
11:26When she's not being burdened by sympathy,
11:29Emma likes to get hands on the udders every day,
11:32with a crucial process called stripping.
11:36Right, so you get the tip.
11:38Yeah.
11:39And you pull and squeeze.
11:41OK.
11:42You have to be gentle, because there's a canal
11:43that runs right up the middle of the tip.
11:45And if you damage that canal, the milk won't get out of the bone.
11:48OK.
11:49That is your first point of call, if that cow has dirty milk.
11:53Right.
11:54If she has mastitis.
11:55That is your first point of call, so that's a very important...
11:57And what are we looking for at that point, then?
11:59Just thick milk.
12:00Right.
12:01Thick, gloopy milk.
12:02Mastitis?
12:03Yeah.
12:04OK.
12:05So you've understood that?
12:06You want to do it with my finger?
12:07Pull, squeeze.
12:08Pull, squeeze.
12:09Perfect.
12:10Up enough?
12:11Absolutely.
12:12Does his wife watch this program?
12:17And it turns out the same paws that can handle scammal wheel nuts
12:21are quite good on delicate teats, as well.
12:24It's actually a really good attitude.
12:26Yeah.
12:27A lot of people can't do that.
12:29See, it's too real.
12:30Yeah.
12:31Then it's time for the main event.
12:34Have a look.
12:36The vacuum clusters.
12:38And then that goes in between the legs.
12:40No, that's it.
12:41That's it.
12:42That's it.
12:47So what I'm trying to do here is, I don't want to kink the nipple
12:50as it goes into the supping machine.
12:53Because if the end of the nipple kinks over, it blocks it,
12:57and then, yeah, we don't get any milk.
12:59Yeah, and that causes a load of problems.
13:02Anyway, we're away.
13:03We're away now.
13:04The cows know the routine.
13:10And only the heifers.
13:11Good girl.
13:12The young mums who are new to all this.
13:15It's not that bad.
13:16Need a bit of extra reassurance.
13:18Otherwise, you get a kick in the swing.
13:20Good girl.
13:21Good girl.
13:22Sometimes common sense don't come into play with these things.
13:25They'll just do what they want when they want.
13:29They're a dangerous, unpredictable piece of kit.
13:34And one that you have to dedicate your life to.
13:37Well, it's 365 days a year.
13:39You don't get many holidays.
13:41You have to be here.
13:42In all, milking 60 cows takes around an hour,
13:47and on average produces about 600 litres of milk,
13:51worth 250 quid at today's wholesale prices.
13:55You want to aim for that one, Guy?
13:57All right.
14:01Could I see meself being a dairy farmer?
14:04It's a fair commitment.
14:06Sort of is a way of life, isn't it?
14:08But it's a life I love.
14:09I think this is men.
14:10This is men.
14:14In a small way, they're feeding the nation.
14:16You know what I mean?
14:17And they're doing it with respect for the cows.
14:20Yeah, that's what they've got.
14:22So you've not been in a dairy farm before, Guy?
14:25No.
14:26Oh, you're quite good.
14:27You're quite good.
14:34Every day at the dairy follows the same routine.
14:37After milking, comes the family breakfast.
14:41Sit anywhere.
14:42Does anyone have a seat?
14:43You want a cup of tea?
14:44Love a cup of tea.
14:45Thank you very much.
14:46Emma's 13-year-old, Wee Mark, is here,
14:50as well as husband, Don.
14:52What else have you got?
14:53So, Guy, this is raw milk.
14:55This is what you milked the cows with this morning.
14:57Unpasteurised.
14:58Unpasteurised straight from the udder.
15:00Although I drink raw milk every day copiously,
15:04I wouldn't go to another farm and drink raw milk
15:06because I don't know their hygiene.
15:08Emma's a case in point, as are Sean and Mark,
15:12drinking it all their lives and they're in great shape.
15:14They're doing all right, yeah.
15:16Everybody needs a better bacteria, Guy.
15:18Yeah.
15:19Seeing as it's calving season,
15:24breakfast becomes an important opportunity
15:26to teach Guy how he may have to intervene
15:29up a cow's backside during a difficult birth.
15:34You're in that far.
15:35You're kissing our arse, basically.
15:37Usually, if there's one leg coming,
15:39you can pull with one leg.
15:40But if it's just a head, you have to push that back in.
15:43Do you? Yeah.
15:44You have to push it back past the pelvic bone, right?
15:48Yeah.
15:49And the pelvic bone's not a nice, lovely wee soft...
15:51It's rigid like that.
15:53OK.
15:54And it's sore in your hands.
15:56So you shove the head back in...
15:58Yeah, well, the boys lift it up with the back feet
16:00so it sinks back in.
16:02You try and put them in the palm of your hands
16:03so you don't do any damage when you pull the legs round.
16:06And then it all comes.
16:10Way of life, this job, isn't it?
16:12Eh?
16:13Come on. Right, I'll finish this tea then.
16:17And after breakfast, it's straight back to work.
16:22The routine on the farm is quite simple.
16:25You milk twice a day.
16:26In between that, do the general farm jobs.
16:29What are we going to do today?
16:31Well, loads of cows.
16:33What do they make?
16:34Cow muck.
16:35Plenty of it.
16:36We're going to go muck the young'uns out.
16:39Oh, sorry, boys. Sorry, boys.
16:41Sorry, boys.
16:48It's a job that has to be done every couple of weeks,
16:51changing all the straw bedding for the calves.
16:55This is going to be hard work, this, isn't it?
16:56Yeah.
16:57No, you don't want to do that.
16:58I don't want to put me...
16:59No, you don't want to put your foot in it.
17:00Too much.
17:01Too much, yeah.
17:02Too much.
17:03Too much.
17:04Well done.
17:05Cool, cool.
17:09It's all hands on deck.
17:11Wee Mark looks after the sweeping,
17:13and family friend Kayleigh is over to help with the barrows.
17:19Oh, the hat's off already.
17:20That's what I thought.
17:21I'm soon going to be getting warm on this job, eh?
17:22Ha-ha, it means business.
17:24I did say I might break you before you went away, Guy.
17:28I'm slow, but I'll keep going.
17:31It is a job that absolutely reeks,
17:34because the straw is sodden with cow weed.
17:39Breathe in.
17:41Breathe out.
17:42Come on.
17:43You know, farmers don't really get a lot of gut problems,
17:45because of smelling all this all the time.
17:47It's really good for you.
17:51Nice.
17:53I don't know what you're saying.
18:01Many hands make light work and all that,
18:04but this is smelly manual labour.
18:07An inescapable part of a dairy farmer's daily grind.
18:13Go on.
18:15So we're doing this?
18:16Do you not get bored?
18:17No.
18:18No.
18:19Not one bit?
18:20No.
18:21No, no, no.
18:22It's good workout.
18:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:24Well, this is it.
18:25You're not putting it on here, are you?
18:26You do love this.
18:27I love this, yeah.
18:28Honestly, I'm two days in now and I can see where you're coming from.
18:32This is a great life.
18:33This is a magic life.
18:34Yeah, it is.
18:35It's amazing.
18:36But you're not driven by the paper stuff?
18:38Oh, God, no.
18:39Not about the money?
18:40No.
18:41No, no.
18:42You wouldn't be in it if it was for a bit.
18:43Is it right?
18:44Yeah, yeah.
18:45No.
18:46No, you do it for the love of these things, standing on four feet.
18:51Hey, Sean, how are you getting on?
18:53See you again?
18:54Born on the farm?
18:55Yeah.
18:56Right.
18:57Well, you go to Glasgow and are nights out.
18:58Yeah.
18:59Wild nights out, by the sounds of it.
19:01Right.
19:02Do you not get out there and think, I want a bit more of this?
19:06I mean, it's good to get away, but you've got to get back home to your animals.
19:12Fair play.
19:13Fair play.
19:14Fair play.
19:15Fair play.
19:18Our guy is fitting into island farming a treat.
19:21And with Sean in particular, he's found a bit of a soul mate.
19:28Go on, what are you thinking?
19:29Drop the oil out of it and then...
19:30I'm going to put it here.
19:31Yeah.
19:32Yeah.
19:33I'll drop ball on it tonight.
19:34Big Mike's going to hopefully come over the motor.
19:36Who's Big Mike?
19:37Mechanic.
19:38Yeah.
19:39He works in the rigs.
19:40Cracking mechanic.
19:41Good lad.
19:42He's top notch.
19:43He's been doing it for 60 years or something.
19:44Has he?
19:45Yeah.
19:46Not good with electrics.
19:47He's colour blind.
19:49It's a legal requirement for traceability to tag new calves.
19:53Well, I suppose we better get something done then.
19:55In a procedure that's a bit like getting your ears pierced.
20:00Who do you want to do first?
20:01It's your boy.
20:02Guy's a big one.
20:03I'll try.
20:04Guy is on hand to help wrangle the beasts.
20:07That's him, Guy.
20:08You can do this, Guy.
20:09Hey, hey, hey.
20:10Good lad.
20:11Good lad.
20:12You aren't taking part to the wall.
20:13Good lad.
20:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
20:16Good lad.
20:17Come on.
20:18Good lad.
20:19Stop laughing.
20:20Good boy.
20:21Good boy.
20:22Right, Sean, show him first of all and then he'll know.
20:24OK?
20:25We're going to pin him against the wall.
20:26Oh, you've got this.
20:27You've got this.
20:28And then he can't go back on you.
20:29Yeah.
20:30You hold him?
20:31Yeah.
20:32Hey, mum needs to tag his ears.
20:33So.
20:34Come on.
20:35Come on.
20:36Goodbye.
20:37Goodbye.
20:38Guy's cuddling technique is considered unorthodox.
20:42You know, I like that.
20:43That is, I mean, that is just wonderful.
20:47Is it?
20:48I can't see it, but.
20:49Go ahead, good boy.
20:51I've never seen you.
20:52Hey, good boy.
20:53Goodbye.
20:54Goodbye.
20:55Goodbye.
20:56Goodbye.
20:57Goodbye.
20:58Goodbye.
20:59Goodbye.
21:00Goodbye.
21:01Goodbye.
21:02Goodbye.
21:03Goodbye.
21:04Goodbye.
21:05Goodbye.
21:06Goodbye.
21:07Goodbye.
21:08Goodbye.
21:09Goodbye.
21:10That's you.
21:11That's you.
21:12That's you.
21:13That's your ball.
21:14Goodbye.
21:15Goodbye.
21:16Goodbye.
21:17Goodbye.
21:18Goodbye.
21:23Am I more of a hindrance than I have?
21:27No, absolutely not, guys.
21:28What do I need to be doing?
21:29I'm very impressed.
21:30In what way?
21:31Just the way you get in and up.
21:33You know, you're not scared of them.
21:34Oh, I don't know.
21:35Some people are like, oh, you know, big cow.
21:38But no, you're, you're, you're going for it.
21:41Oh, yeah, yeah, I am.
21:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:43I'm not for it at the job.
21:44No, that's good.
21:45No, no.
21:46Cool.
21:47Right, sounds.
21:48Right.
21:49On with the jobs.
21:50Guy's time on the island of Ghia coincides with carving season.
22:03He and his crew could get a call at any time that a cow's about to give birth.
22:09Jack of all trades, master of none, better than a master of one.
22:14That's what I think, that applies, you know what I mean?
22:17Cow's carving.
22:18Cow's carving?
22:19No.
22:20Go, go, go.
22:21Up there?
22:22Straight, straight, yeah.
22:23Cows are carving.
22:24Let's go.
22:25Still rolling.
22:26A tripod.
22:27Watch out, Matt.
22:28Come on, mate, you can get in the back.
22:29I need a battery, please.
22:30There is, there's a rucksack in here, right?
22:32There you go.
22:33Yeah, anyway, as we were doing that bit of an interview, Emma's just rang.
22:36There's a bit of carving going on, so we're going to come and film a bit of carving.
22:40Film a bit of carving.
22:41Here we go.
22:42Here we go.
22:43Here we go.
22:44Here we go.
22:45All right.
22:46Tell them to hurry up.
22:47Oh, bloody hell.
22:48Bloody hell.
22:49Did you get it?
22:50You got it?
22:51You got it dropping out?
22:52Fair play.
22:53Fair play to you, mate.
22:54So you're just going to leave that?
22:55You're not going to intervene at all?
22:56That's it?
22:57No, thanks for the phone call, Ed.
22:59That's mint.
23:00No, that's mint.
23:01Oh, that's mint.
23:05Oh, she was quick, all right?
23:06I come out like a rocket.
23:08You got it dropping out? Fair play. Fair play to you, mate.
23:13So you're just going to leave that? You're not going to intervene at all?
23:16That's it.
23:17No, thanks for the phone call, Ed.
23:21Oh, she was quick, all right?
23:23Come out like a rocket.
23:26That's mint, innit? How mint is that?
23:30We're not beating that, are we? Not really.
23:33Yeah.
23:36She's a good mum.
23:39Just to be, you know, she's giving him a good lick, giving him a good...
23:42A ruckle, as we say. A ruckle? A ruckle.
23:44A good ruckle.
23:45She's giving him a good ruckle, get him all blivened up.
23:49This is ideal.
23:50It's a good, strong calf, it's trying to get up.
23:52It's only just boring, it's trying to get up on its feet.
23:59What's hanging out of the arse? That's after birth, hanging out of the arse.
24:02The mum's going to eat that full of nutrients.
24:04It's good for them.
24:04Oh, he's trying. The old boy's trying, isn't he?
24:13Oh, there you go, big man.
24:16You're up, big man. That's you.
24:17Well, you want me to get emotional about that?
24:20Yeah.
24:21It's just interesting to watch, isn't it? I'm not going to get emotional about it.
24:23Right. Back to work, folks.
24:29Come on, right, OK, OK, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Less of the gawping. Come on.
24:33Fine. Come on.
24:34I've got things to do.
24:36So you're going to get oil out of the tractor tonight, you think?
24:38Yep.
24:41Back at the farm, it's time for one of the most important jobs at the dairy.
24:45Hi, guys. Hands washed. I know what you like.
24:55Yeah.
25:00While most of their milk is sold wholesale,
25:03some is kept back to be bottled and sold in local shops on the mainland.
25:07But you've been doing this for nearly ten years now.
25:11It's getting there. Yeah, it's getting there.
25:13It must be near a million bottles for bottled.
25:16People don't know what we bottle at their hands. I think it's a machine.
25:20Milk is the perfect breeding ground for bacteria,
25:24and so every drop they sell is pasteurised.
25:28Louis Pasteur, French scientist, came up with the idea in the 1860s
25:32about giving beer and wine a longer shelf life,
25:36heating it up for a set amount of time.
25:38That would kill off all the bugs and nasty stuff,
25:40and that same process was moved across to milk,
25:43and it's still used to this day.
25:47To preserve its taste, the milk is gently warmed for 30 minutes,
25:51just like 50 years ago, rather than the modern method of blasting with heat.
25:56Glass bottles are also used, despite a packaging levy that makes them more costly.
26:01Go on, why are we putting them in glass bottles and not plastic bottles?
26:08Surely it'd be cheaper.
26:09Yeah, it would have been a lot cheaper.
26:13But plastic, hmm, there's enough plastic, I think, in the world, so...
26:17OK.
26:18Just go back to the old milk bottle that was at your doorstep.
26:23Yes, yes.
26:25You know, in the 60s and 70s.
26:29At what temperature are we in the fridge?
26:31I'll be two or three.
26:32Oh, right, OK.
26:33After three hours on the production line, 300 bottles are done.
26:37Push them into the air, it's lovely.
26:44I can see you there!
26:46The work rarely stops round here.
26:57Once the milk's been bottled, it has to be delivered.
27:00Guy makes a delivery to Gia's only shop, which sells petrol, locally made skincare products,
27:19and milk.
27:23How are you getting on, lass?
27:24Good.
27:25I've got some milk for you.
27:27Don't worry, love.
27:30Gia is far from being a bleak outpost on the edge of the Atlantic.
27:38There's a wind farm built out of second-hand turbines
27:43and essential infrastructure, like a school, a doctor's surgery, a fire station and a chippy.
27:55A truck mechanic by trade,
27:57Guy can make himself even more useful round here by working on some of the farm's machinery.
28:03The telescopic handler's tyres are nearly bald, so he helps Shaun fit new ones,
28:09which cost about 500 quid each.
28:11What are you showing here?
28:12We've got to knock the inside bead off.
28:13Yeah.
28:14Then we'll get some soap round them.
28:15Get in the bead, buy old it and you bray it.
28:18Mate, it might go all right.
28:19It might not.
28:24Oh, look at that, eh?
28:27Down job, mate.
28:27Elite flight, no?
28:29Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
28:31Island life often means not having the right tools.
28:35Go on.
28:36And so things have to be improvised, like bursting the seal with the forklift.
28:43Get a bit of snot round that first.
28:45The levers are lubricated with washing up liquid.
28:48Then Guy has another bright idea.
28:52You got a sledgehammer? What's your biggest hammer, boy?
28:54The brand-new tyre is a tight fit and has to be gradually squeezed onto the wheel.
29:13That's good, isn't it?
29:14Yep, that's good.
29:15It's like you being the optimist again.
29:17Watch our toes.
29:18Oh!
29:21Working like a couple of old colleagues, Guy and Sean make fast work of the other three tyres.
29:27Go on, mate. Go on.
29:28Go to the left.
29:29Go on, I doddle, that's what we're saying.
29:31Wow.
29:34Right, time to jump off.
29:36My f***ing knees.
29:38You f***ing.
29:42Bonding over some of their favourite tyre pressures.
29:45My pranks are probably 32, 34.
29:48Yeah, right.
29:49From road work, I put a bar in them, which is about 14p or something.
29:52Wow.
29:52Yeah?
29:5490 minutes after starting, two grand's worth of tyres are fitted,
29:59and they've got the dirty paws to prove it.
30:02Same dog washed.
30:03He's had that for six weeks.
30:04Yeah, yeah.
30:09But it's not always work, work, work on gear.
30:15We know how to have fun up here, I must admit.
30:17We never take ourselves seriously, just life's too short.
30:21Have fun.
30:22You're too long dead, as my father would say.
30:27And so, as a wee honour to Guy, Emma arranges a barbecue for various nieces, nephews and friends
30:33over at the guest shed.
30:34There it is.
30:37Can you imagine?
30:39Perfect driving, what?
30:41Perfect driving.
30:41And it's got handbrake on it, yeah.
30:43Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
30:45Ha, ha, ha.
30:46Dual clutch.
30:47Oh, that's what they're, them tractors are all dual clutch.
30:49It's a close-knit, multi-generational family network.
30:53But like most house parties, the troublemakers go missing,
30:57hide out in the spare room, and look at niche material on the internet.
31:01It's a suction strainer.
31:03Ah, look, I put my finger on the side.
31:04Yeah, but I mean, drain the hydraulic oil.
31:07We're trying to sort your tractor out and chat GPT, and I think...
31:10We're learning quite a bit.
31:11It's pointed in the right direction, aren't it?
31:12Yeah.
31:13Oh, you've never heard of this?
31:14No.
31:15But you're impressed?
31:16Yeah.
31:16You are.
31:17I think it's great.
31:18You can just keep asking questions and it just keeps coming back at you.
31:22With a lot of solutions, not just like three words.
31:26It's quite in-depth.
31:28You're into this.
31:28And that's what you want.
31:29Mum won't see me.
31:31I'll be...
31:31She'll go, where are you?
31:32I'm just a chat GPT.
31:36Looking good, Andy.
31:39Oh, we're all right.
31:40No milking.
31:40We're all right.
31:40Feel right.
31:42See, Emma, you've got him well, actually.
31:53I thought you could joke to that.
31:54There is an old tradition of social gatherings turning into country dances.
31:59The so-called Kayleigh.
32:00Hi.
32:01Hi.
32:01And if Emma says it's party time, gear parties.
32:05Mine down there.
32:06What is gold?
32:06Lose it up here.
32:07Car it up here.
32:08Strip the willow.
32:10Aiden, hit it!
32:12Yeah, ready?
32:19This is a 400-year-old dance called Strip the willow, with rather boisterous choreography
32:25designed to ensure nobody gets left out.
32:29Go on, where do I go now?
32:30Go on.
32:34Also, it's the girls go now.
32:39Where do I go now?
32:40You go to the girls.
32:41Yeah.
32:41And then you can party in the middle.
32:45Jesus Christ.
32:46I'm dizzy.
32:48And what are we doing now?
32:49And I go to the girls.
32:50All right, you keep going.
32:51All right, I can sort of see now what's happening.
32:54Sorry.
32:55Keep going, you're fine, you're fine.
32:56Right, that's me and you.
32:57And that's it.
32:59That's it.
33:00In the highlands and islands, this is what work-life balance looks like.
33:05Jesus Christ.
33:07Does the gear Kayleigh vary to the normal Kayleigh?
33:10I think we're rougher.
33:15That was an education there.
33:16Thank you very much.
33:18Well done, paper.
33:21Mate, mate, mate.
33:22That was, yeah.
33:23Me.
33:25Ah, wait.
33:26I think we must have to hear truth, Amanda.
33:29Well done, Amy.
33:30Right, right, right.
33:40With the end of Guy's trip approaching, it's time to cool off and take stock on one of
33:45Ghia's spectacular hidden beaches.
33:52The Queen used to come here.
33:54She used to dock a yacht just out there and come and muck about on the beach.
33:59Never have thought, would you?
34:00Never have thought.
34:01Anyway, I'm just sort of getting my eye in.
34:03Big day tomorrow.
34:04I'm going to try and tackle the milking job by myself.
34:14That's a huge thing.
34:15Nobody milks my cows.
34:18Nobody.
34:20That's my babies in there.
34:24Yeah, so I'm nervous.
34:26Yeah.
34:34Guy's dairy cows are queuing up ready for Guy's final mission.
34:46The beasts are ready for milking, but it's our hero.
34:54Guy's earned enough trust while he's been here to be allowed to work the dairy alone.
35:00He starts by hosing the buyer like a pro, so it's easier to clean later.
35:08Then it's time to let his colleagues in and hope they're in a helpful mood.
35:13Good boy.
35:27Once the milking starts, the cows will just keep on coming.
35:31So will the truck mechanic remember every step of the process required to milk a herd?
35:36It would be fair to say that our man is bricking it.
35:58Because what Guy milks will end up in the national food supply,
36:12the family aren't far away, just keeping their north eye on things.
36:20Oh, the tongue's hanging out.
36:21That's concentration.
36:23That's serious, babe.
36:26Are you strapping them?
36:27Oh, he's got the technique, he's got the technique.
36:30Oh, he's got the technique.
36:35We'll ever watch one of those races.
36:37We're like, come on.
36:40You can do this, Guy.
36:41You can do this.
36:42Come on, Guy.
36:49That's a freshman hog.
36:50Oh, look at the pain.
36:50Oh, look at the pain.
36:51He's got the pain.
36:52He's got the pain.
36:55Oh, girl.
36:56The suckers are on and the milk is flowing.
36:59But will he remember to empty the jokes?
37:01What a lad, come on.
37:12No, come on.
37:15Now, will he leave them out?
37:16I know.
37:17Will he let them out or will he let them out?
37:18He should leave them out.
37:20I see it.
37:20I see it.
37:22Go for it.
37:23Yes!
37:24Go for it.
37:27The first batch of ten cows is done.
37:30Well, they're coming.
37:34You can do this, Guy.
37:34Go on.
37:35Go on.
37:36Go on.
37:39So, I'm going to open the gate.
37:43And I'm going to go batch two.
37:48Guy's got his hands full here, outnumbered and covered in dung.
37:58No nation about this, man.
37:59No.
38:00This must be the face you don't see under that helmet.
38:02I'm going to open it.
38:09Jay, flick us them buttons up.
38:11No, these two.
38:12These two here.
38:14Yep.
38:14That's right.
38:16I didn't have enough vacuum to get me nipples on.
38:26He even conquers the most difficult cow of all.
38:29Oh, look.
38:30He even milked the hair for it.
38:31He milked the hair for it.
38:32Oh, my God.
38:35She's just a young one.
38:36You have to hold her because she'll pet.
38:38And he's managed to milk her.
38:40Well done.
38:41In this trade, once you can handle a heifer,
38:44there's nothing left to prove.
38:47Milk mission accomplished.
38:50How's it going, Guy?
38:51Low.
38:52You're getting there?
38:53Low, mate, yeah.
38:54You milked the heifer.
38:57You milked the heifer.
38:58She's always in at the end and I hate to hold her,
39:00but you've milked her, I'm going to wait.
39:02She, the one, she, there was no, there won't much milk out of her.
39:05Oh, it doesn't matter.
39:06You still milked it.
39:07Right, right, right.
39:09She was all right, I just thought there's not a lot of milk in there.
39:11Yeah.
39:16Did you enjoy that, Guy, on your own?
39:18A bit of pressure.
39:19A wee bit of pressure.
39:20Yeah, but...
39:21It's a big undertaking.
39:22I wasn't trying to rush and I thought if I did, if I tried to rush,
39:25I was going to panic and I was going to miss something,
39:27so I just went at my slow pace, did it in an order.
39:30No, it was getting done fast, but it was getting done and it should have,
39:32hopefully it was getting done all right.
39:34It was fine, Guy, you did really, really well.
39:36If you ever want a job of relief milking...
39:38100%?
39:39..come to me and I'll get a night off.
39:41Good, right, honestly, right, OK.
39:43Right. OK, thank you very much.
39:45Good man.
39:45Good lass.
39:46No, you did really well.
39:48Yeah, not a lot of hope would take that on.
39:50Well, thank you very much for having the shots, mate.
39:51Not at all, it was great.
39:53Right, I'll go and get Sean out with this job.
39:54Go and treat the beast now.
39:55Yeah, that's what I'll do, that's what I'll do.
39:56Right, are you boys done?
39:58I'll see you in a bit, thank you.
40:06That's not quite the end of the story, though.
40:10There's time for one last bit of gear magic.
40:16Emma thinks the cows now have enough of a bond with Guy...
40:19So shall I just go now?
40:21..to let him lead them to fresh pasture.
40:23Go on, girls. Come on, girls.
40:27Come on, girls, we're just going to find the grass.
40:29Down here.
40:37Come on, girls. Come on, girls.
40:44Let's go find the grass.
40:46Come on. Come on, girls.
40:49Oh, girls.
40:51In the field. Come on.
40:52Go find the grass.
40:54Come on, girls.
41:01We're like that, girls, are we?
41:03Eh? A bit of fresh grass.
41:06Come on.
41:08Come on.
41:11Come on.
41:14All present and correct.
41:15Everybody couldn't believe that Guy Martin was on gear.
41:20Well...
41:21He was lovely. Such a down-to-earth guy.
41:25He came down when there was no cameras here, because he wanted to milk the cows.
41:30I think he actually really enjoyed it.
41:31Ha ha ha!
41:32To be honest, I haven't really given cows a second thought until we've come to this.
41:35I love animals. I love animals. I'm a big dog man.
41:41It turns out I'm a big cow man as well. I love them. I love them. I could do the job.
41:44Good guess.
41:45I think you're all watching this thinking, oh dear, dairy farming, grindstone, every day of the year, twice a day, oh, I couldn't do that.
41:58Well, if you're happy in your job like these are, you don't need a day off. It's just what you do. It's what you do.
42:03Look out.
42:24But all good things must come to an end. It's time to say bye-bye.
42:33Thanks a million for having us. You can come back any time.
42:39I've got your number. I'll send you a text. You're welcome back and do a bit of tractor driving.
42:43Week's work. Back out, eh?
42:48Right, mate. Crack on.
42:49You take care.
42:50Thank you very much. Cheers, mate.
42:53Cheers, boss.
42:54Cheers, boss.
42:55Come on.
42:57Thanks very much. See you, mate.
42:59All right, take care.
43:00Sound job. Thanks very much.
43:01So who's keeping them in the minute there?
43:09So who's keeping them in the minute there?
43:10No, no, no, no.
43:40You
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