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00:00Tonight on 22 Minutes, we raise the threat level,
00:03we've got a way to clean up ice,
00:05and the Conservatives launch a new improved leader.
00:0822 Minutes starts now!
00:10Yes, soon! Canada will fall!
00:30My lord, I heard your cackle of completion.
00:32Is the plan ready, sir?
00:33Yes, my henchman, I have developed a dastardly substance
00:36that will bring every major city to its knees!
00:40My god, a radioactive ooze.
00:43Or some type of mind-control plasma.
00:45Even better.
00:46Feast your eyes upon...
00:49Snow!
00:52Right, right, like, it melts flesh, or...?
00:56No, it's just regular frozen water.
00:58Oh, so it hurts like ice.
01:00No, much softer. Pleasant to the touch.
01:04Children frolicking it!
01:07I thought the plan was to bring the whole country to its knees.
01:10Feels like you'd have to dump a lot of this stuff.
01:12Indeed I shall!
01:13I shall dump...
01:1530 to 40 centimeters!
01:18Oh, hit them all at once, like an avalanche.
01:21No, over 24 hours or so.
01:25Right, well, I guess if they're not expecting it...
01:28Oh, no!
01:30They'll have plenty of advance warning.
01:33Maybe they've never seen it before.
01:35It happens every year!
01:37I'm so confused.
01:38Isn't the plan to cripple every major city?
01:40This will do it!
01:42Offices closed.
01:45Streets impassable.
01:47Takeout places...
01:49Somehow still open.
01:51Again, we're talking 30 centimeters.
01:53Or less!
01:55In many cases, much less!
01:57Okay, so why don't they just, you know, scoop it all away?
02:00Yes, they don't have the infrastructure!
02:01You don't!
02:02But it happens every year!
02:03Why don't municipalities just plan to...
02:05How the hell would I know?
02:07Take it up with city council!
02:09Get organized!
02:11Soon the world will bow before...
02:14I love how fluffy and puffy it is!
02:18No!
02:19That is a fearsome substance!
02:21Look, I made a little man with it!
02:23What kind of man is shaped like three balls, you imbecile?
02:28This one?
02:37Welcome to the show!
02:38You know, just when you think Donald Trump has run out of ways to threaten us,
02:42he reminds us why he's the commander in CHIRP.
02:45Canada's not doing well.
02:47Uh, they're doing very poorly.
02:49And you can't look at China as the answer.
02:52That's...
02:53When you get Canada, the first thing they're gonna do is say,
02:56you're not allowed to play ice hockey anymore.
02:58That's not good.
02:59First of all, we just call it hockey.
03:03Ice is your thing.
03:05And if you keep coming after the things we love, you're gonna have to drop your tiny gloves.
03:16Next, Trump went top shelf, threatening on true social to decertify all Canadian planes.
03:21Trump, you're gonna decertify our planes?
03:24You guys keep making the ones that fall out of the sky!
03:28Trump's tariffs are hammering our economy, but there is one bright spot.
03:32Gay hockey!
03:34Yes!
03:36Very hot.
03:38Which the Prime Minister celebrated at a media gala for film and television this week.
03:42Okay, now a little bit about hockey.
03:44Come on, I love that.
03:45Look at me, right there.
03:46Look at you, right there.
03:47What's the leg thing?
03:49Oh, the leg thing!
03:50Right there, there, there.
03:52There it is, guys.
03:53Look at that.
03:54You know Banan was thinking, did what we have mean nothing?
04:00Cardi was happy to celebrate heated robbery, but I'm not even sure he watched it.
04:05I've seen a couple episodes, couple episodes.
04:08Don't tell me what happens.
04:10Don't tell me what happens at the cottage.
04:11I got this season, episode five.
04:14Okay, no spoilers, but what happens at the cottage is what Trump is doing to us.
04:19After months of threats, Trump has followed through on his promises to invade, bomb, deport
04:28and tariff.
04:29It appears Trump was never joking.
04:31He's serious.
04:32Oh, no.
04:33Oh, no.
04:34Oh, no.
04:35Oh, no.
04:36Oh, no.
04:37Oh, no.
04:38Oh, no.
04:39Trump isn't joking.
04:40He's serious.
04:41About what?
04:42All of it.
04:43He means everything he says.
04:44Iran?
04:45Attacked.
04:46Venezuela?
04:47Invaded.
04:48Oh, what about the mice?
04:49Drans.
04:50Honestly, good for them.
04:51I thought he was joking.
04:52I know.
04:53He's so funny.
04:54That's what's been throwing us off.
04:55Iran, he's for serious.
04:57Mexico, it's all for truce.
04:58I get it now.
04:59It's called truth social because he's telling the truth.
05:02Well, why didn't we start taking him seriously when he threatened to bomb other countries
05:05or deport people?
05:06Because it wasn't happening to us.
05:08Uh, somebody call Rosie O'Donnell.
05:10I'm already on it.
05:11Hello?
05:12Rosie?
05:13Rosie?
05:14Hey, girl.
05:15You were right, Rosie.
05:16This whole time about everything.
05:17The line went dead.
05:18Rosie?
05:19Rosie!
05:20You told Columbia to watch its ass.
05:22Well, then they better.
05:23Columbia, do you have eyes on your ass?
05:26Then keep them there.
05:28Breaking news.
05:29Trump wraps up focus on turning Canada into the 51st state.
05:33Wait, he's joking about Canada, right?
05:36Right?
05:37I don't know.
05:38He's so crazy.
05:43He's so random.
05:44What the hell's going on?
05:45He looks ridiculous.
05:46Yeah.
05:47It is scary, though.
05:48Oh, yeah?
05:49Very much so, though.
05:50Yeah.
05:51The Toronto Star is reporting that at least a dozen Canadian companies are doing business
06:01with ICE, like Guard a World and Hootsuite, which is managing ICE's social media.
06:06Too busy terrorizing civilians to optimize your social media metrics?
06:09Try Hootsuite!
06:10BC billionaire Jim Pattison, the guy from the bottom of every billboard, backed away from
06:16a deal to sell a Virginia warehouse to ICE after coming under fire from the public.
06:21Though I'll believe it when I see it on the side of the highway.
06:24Most controversially, the Ontario company Rochelle is being criticized for selling 20 armored
06:31vehicles to ICE, and Premier Doug Ford took a principled stance.
06:34We'll take orders anywhere in the world, and thank goodness that the Americans are ordering
06:39at office.
06:40Asked again about the contract during an unrelated press conference, the Premier distancing himself.
06:45I don't direct companies to go sell military vehicles down south or around the world.
06:52Ah, yes.
06:53The only kind of walking Doug does.
06:56Back.
06:57Donald Trump's ICE agents are driving Canadian armored cars made in Brampton, Ontario.
07:03And Canadians are outraged.
07:06Well, the only way to stop ICE is with another Canadian-made vehicle.
07:10The Zamboni.
07:15ICE agents can't stand on ICE, so let's clear the ICE with Canadian-made Zambonis.
07:21Fight fire with fire, and fight ICE with ICE.
07:26It's a clean sweep.
07:28The Prime Minister met with the Premiers last week, and it went about as well as most family
07:37dinners do.
07:38Things were going great until that one relative had a few too many drinks and started talking
07:42about how much they loved Trump.
07:44Alberta Premier Danielle Smith refused to call out Albertan separatists.
07:49When you look at the polls, they suggest as many as 30% of Albertans have lost hope.
07:56That's about a million people.
07:58And I'm not going to demonize or marginalize a million of my fellow citizens.
08:03No, you'll just screw over the other 40 million of us.
08:08This came after it was revealed that an Albertan separatist group, led by this guy, Doug Ford
08:14in disguise, Jeffrey Rath, made three trips to Washington to ask for a $500 billion line
08:20of credit to bankroll a new country if they win a referendum.
08:24B.C. Premier David Eby had a word for that.
08:27There's an old-fashioned word for that, and that word is treason.
08:32Yeah.
08:33And how did the treasonous man respond?
08:36You know, Eby can't even come up with an original insult, right?
08:39Jason Kenney made front-page news, you know, six or seven months ago by calling me a treasonous
08:44kook, right?
08:46And how did former Alberta Premier Jason Kenney respond to that allegation?
08:50You know, I don't really listen to anything this guy says.
08:52He's a clown and a carny barker.
08:55True, but so is Trump.
08:58And it's not fair to call this guy crazy.
09:01Don't you think that Communist Ottawa is leveraging Communist China against Alberta?
09:06I mean, come on.
09:07Okay, we can call him crazy.
09:09It's fine.
09:10Separatism is nothing new.
09:11Quebec is always threatening to leave.
09:13But don't worry, we have our best guy on it.
09:15I love Quebecers.
09:16I don't know.
09:17There's some connection with myself and Quebecers.
09:19I gotta start learning French, by the way.
09:21But, yeah, I just connect with them.
09:23Every time I meet people from Quebec, we connect.
09:27Well, there goes Quebec.
09:30So how would an independent Alberta look?
09:32If it takes a loan, it would start off $500 billion in debt.
09:36Add to that the $100 billion debt the province currently has.
09:39Rath says a sovereign Alberta would not have income tax.
09:42Last year, Alberta collected $15 billion in personal income tax and $7 billion from corporations.
09:48That's a debt of $622 billion.
09:51And don't forget the $30 billion pipeline Trudeau bought you.
09:55That's federally owned.
09:56Oops!
09:57Alberta exports $70 billion in goods to the rest of the country every year.
10:01But elbows up, we buy Canadian now, and you're not Canadian anymore.
10:06That's a skirting debt of $722 billion.
10:10Bon voyage!
10:11Separatists also want to keep Canadian passports and currency.
10:18No!
10:19We decide what you take.
10:20You take Pierre, we keep Kearney.
10:22You take the Flames, we keep the Oilers.
10:25You take Chad Kroger, we keep Katie Lang.
10:28Alberta's doing pretty good.
10:31The Prime Minister is Albertan.
10:33The leader of the opposition is Albertan.
10:34Alberta is the richest province.
10:36But Geoffrey Raff still wants to leave Canada.
10:39I say, we give him his wish.
10:41Next week, we're sending a Canadian to circle the moon.
10:44All we have to do is swap him out.
11:01A new report indicates Canadian students' math skills
11:04have been declining for more than a decade.
11:06That's, like, nine years.
11:09A surgical team in Nova Scotia became the first in Canada
11:12to complete seven hip replacements in one day.
11:15Hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hooray!
11:21Matt Damon says Netflix wants movies to restate the plot
11:25three or four times to make it easier for viewers on their phones to follow.
11:29Thank God, because the last time I watched a Matt Damon movie,
11:32I kept asking, who bought a zoo?
11:35Coming to Netflix this spring.
11:38All right.
11:39We all know why we're here.
11:41So I'll say it again.
11:42At midnight, we're gonna break into the museum
11:45and steal $500,000 worth of jewels that I'll use
11:48to pay back what I owe to the bookie who kidnapped my daughter.
11:52Damn him.
11:54A movie critics are describing as,
11:56I scrolled on my phone the entire time and I didn't miss a thing.
11:59I'll pay the bookie who took my daughter ransom
12:02using the $500,000 worth of jewels
12:04that we're gonna steal from the museum tonight, right after this.
12:09You'll be sucked right into the plot
12:11because we'll repeat it at least 15 times
12:13for the people who have it on in the background.
12:16Once we leave this room, we'll be the people breaking into the museum
12:21and I'll be the man who gets my daughter back
12:23by paying $500,000 to the bookie who's holding her hostage.
12:27Okay, wait, but what happens after we get the $500,000?
12:30We pay the bookie.
12:31He has my daughter.
12:33If you've ever watched a movie and thought it should require less attention,
12:37well, you're in luck.
12:39You never have to pause, rewind, or even engage with the story at all.
12:43Wait.
12:44Hold on, woman who doesn't have a storyline of her own.
12:47If we kiss now instead of breaking into the museum,
12:50I won't be able to get my daughter back.
12:52Because if we don't steal those jewels,
12:54I won't have $500,000 to pay back the bookie who's holding her hostage.
12:59Yeah, you mentioned that.
13:01Yeah.
13:02Breaking into the museum to steal $500,000 worth of jewels
13:06to pay back the bookie.io.
13:08Coming to Netflix.
13:09Half watch while scrolling on your phone this spring.
13:16Due to its mounting deficit,
13:17the Nova Scotia government's credit rating was downgraded this week.
13:21The credit went from some good to friggin' brutal.
13:26Sydney Sweeney responded to people calling her MAGA Barbie
13:29in an interview saying she's not a political person
13:32and doesn't believe in hate in any form.
13:34Said Erica Kirk,
13:35I believe in hate.
13:36Can I be MAGA Barbie?
13:39A CBC investigation found Canada's grocery giants use property law
13:42to control who sells food in your neighborhood.
13:45And that's not the only way they protect their monopoly.
13:48And what do we have here?
13:56It's a bake sale, mister.
13:58I'm selling cookie stories money for a trip.
14:00How sweet.
14:01Tell me, do you know what an exclusivity clause is?
14:07No.
14:09Property control?
14:10No.
14:11Of course not.
14:12And do you know who I am?
14:14Not really.
14:15I'm Galen Weston Jr.
14:18I'm your worst nightmare.
14:20Minions!
14:23Another bake sale, huh?
14:24Yes.
14:25Teach this little no-name about our newest line of products.
14:30Memories of things you'll never do again.
14:45So sorry about the mess.
15:00Here's 50,000 optimum points.
15:04Now minions,
15:05should we pay a visit to the lemonade stand by the No Frills?
15:09Let's go consolidate the market.
15:13Excellent.
15:15This weekend, conservatives gathered for their national convention in Calgary.
15:27On the way there, Pierre Polyev showed he's ready to save Canada money by...
15:31Flying economy!
15:33Oh my God, he's rod-dogging the flight!
15:36Someone get this guy in en route!
15:40Polyev passed a leadership review with 87.4%,
15:43and in his speech showed he still knows what the base wants to hear.
15:47We want a nation where all of us are equal.
15:50A nation that is colorblind.
15:52We want a nation with no more hyphens.
15:56He's gone from being tough on crime to cracking down on punctuation!
16:02Remind us, is there a hyphen in dog whistle?
16:05To his credit, Pierre did show a softer side.
16:09He talked about his family and collaborating with the Liberals.
16:12He's gone from saying Canada is broken to appreciating what the country has to offer.
16:17Everything should be dirt cheap in Canada.
16:18Everything should be dirt cheap in Canada.
16:19Yes!
16:20Because we have the most dirt.
16:22Of course dirt was on his mind!
16:24He just flew economy!
16:26In 2022, we brought you Pierre Polyev, the leader.
16:34You said, this guy's a lot.
16:36Is he always like that?
16:38So in 2023, we brought you Pierre No Glasses.
16:43You said, that's just the same guy with no glasses.
16:48So in 2024, we changed the game again.
16:52And we brought you Pierre Eating Apple.
16:56And you said, these keep getting worse.
16:59So we unplugged that version and did a hard reset.
17:04Introducing the best Pierre yet.
17:08The Pierre 7 Pro.
17:11Here I am.
17:13I liked every version of me.
17:15But we finally found one that you will like.
17:19Similar to a new iPhone.
17:21You'll be asking, what's different?
17:24But just know, I am.
17:27This version of me comes with highly anticipated new features.
17:31Like the ability to compromise.
17:34And agreeable nod.
17:37Totally.
17:38Totally.
17:39I can see where you're coming from.
17:41Mm-hmm.
17:42See how easy that was for me?
17:45And look.
17:46My smile almost reaches my eyes now.
17:51And Pierre 7 Pro is even woke.
17:55Watch as I acknowledge my privilege.
18:00Yep.
18:01Yep.
18:03There it is.
18:04We're not releasing this version of me because I'm ready.
18:08We're releasing it because we have to.
18:12So there it is.
18:13It's another new version of me.
18:16Are you happy yet?
18:18I've had to do this rebrand BS seven times now.
18:23The Pierre 7 Pro.
18:25This one has to work.
18:28It just has to.
18:29If you like The Current Pierre know that I'm not really changing.
18:31It's all for show.
18:41Kim Kardashian said she hasn't been grocery shopping in more than six years.
18:46That's such a waste.
18:47She's one of the only people who can afford to do it now.
18:49A minister in Malaysia is claiming that work stress might turn you gay.
18:56Listen, if that were true, I'd be Tegan and Sarah by now.
19:02Now streaming from the producers of Jersey Shore, it's the new series Canada Shore.
19:07Ten of Canada's wildest young partiers.
19:11One house, no rules.
19:13Sup, y'all.
19:14I'm Crayley Blanc.
19:16I'm from Toronto.
19:17But like, not that one.
19:20And I'm here to show Canada what I'm all about.
19:23Woo!
19:25My name's Khaleesi Smith.
19:27I am born in 2003 years old.
19:29I'm an assistant DJ.
19:31And I live for drama.
19:34Hello, bonjour.
19:35My name is Justin.
19:37I'm fun-employed.
19:39And I'm excited to make connections at the Canada Shore Forum.
19:43Huzzah!
19:45Witness all the chaos, all the drama, all the...
19:48Wait, how'd he get in there?
19:50I don't have a job.
19:51And to reiterate, my name is Justin.
19:54So I basically appeared on this show as if by magic.
19:59Two things about me.
20:01I love to party and I love to party.
20:05You know I used to lead a party until I got kicked out for partying too hard.
20:11That's actually not what I heard.
20:13Critics are saying it feels like a mistake was made here.
20:17And, man, we can't get rid of that guy, huh?
20:20Witness all the drama, all the hookups.
20:24Not me. I will not partake.
20:25I am happily taken with a handsome younger woman you just might know.
20:33He's bumming everyone out.
20:35None of us are in the mood to party anymore.
20:36She's a real firework.
20:39And that's all I'll say.
20:42He won't shut up about how he's dating...
20:44It's Katy Perry.
20:45I'm dating Katy Perry.
20:47Cause baby, you're a...
20:49Canada Shore.
20:51A worse version of an American thing from 15 years ago.
20:54Hey, you're welcome.
20:56That's the way we saw the world this week.
21:00We're taking two weeks off for the Milano-Cortina Olympics,
21:02which you can watch on CBC and CBC Gem.
21:05Don't just watch the games.
21:06Experience them across Canada.
21:07Free events the whole family will enjoy.
21:09Go to cbc.ca slash experiences for more info.
21:13We'll be back February 24th, so see you then.
21:15Good night.
21:16Thank you guys.
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