- 2 weeks ago
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00:00Best MDMA in Berlin, Dan, and take it from me, the MDMA in this city right now is, I mean, it's excellent.
00:12Have you ever read Primo Levi's essay on shame?
00:19He wrote it 40 years after leaving Auschwitz.
00:22He was trying to make sense of why he survived and others didn't, but he couldn't.
00:27A year later, he threw himself from the landing of the house that he was born in and fell three-fourths to his death.
00:36Dan, we're here. On a rooftop. In Berlin. The sun is setting. This club is gorgeous.
00:44And there is no-one here who is not a grade-one decent human being.
00:48There will never come a better time for you to drop a pill than this exact moment.
00:52Should I just leave Paul?
00:58Well, you've never drunk or taken drugs. Half is sensible.
01:02But you did just bring a suicide.
01:04And the Holocaust.
01:06In a nightclub.
01:08So.
01:08The Holocaust.
01:13Thank God.
01:22Thank God.
01:25We're talking to him.
01:27The Holocaust.
01:28We're facing a suicide.
01:29God.
01:30We're waiting for you.
01:34God.
01:34The Holocaust.
01:35God.
01:37Our record.
01:37You feel it now?
01:49Yeah.
01:50Your eyes!
01:51I literally just saw your eyes as well.
01:54Oh my God.
01:55Yes.
01:56How's it feel?
01:58You feel good?
01:59Yeah?
02:07Oh my God.
02:37Oh my God.
03:07This is the best juice I've ever tasted.
03:26Oh my God, that's amazing.
03:32Do you want to sit?
03:34Do you not hear any of what I just said?
03:38Were you talking?
03:39Oh my God.
03:41Yes.
03:43I've been talking for about two minutes.
03:45Sorry.
03:47Seriously, this juice though, why is it so good?
03:54Shut up.
03:54Hmm.
03:55Mm-hmm.
04:25We're making this beautiful loaf.
04:45So into a loaf of your leaven plus 650 grams of water and all of our flour.
04:50Now it's time to combine everything.
04:52Work it until there's no dry flour left.
04:55And now I'm going to let the dough rest for 30 minutes.
04:59This is called the auto-leave.
05:01When you give the...
05:13What we are going to do is stretcher pulls here, too.
05:16But since you guys are more advanced, we're going to first start with this.
05:21Clap down, pull back, pull apart, and fold.
05:24And you'll see as I do this that the dough will go from shaggy and messy to smooth and strong.
05:30Now, if I were using my conventional oven, I would preheat to 485 degrees Fahrenheit.
05:37In my ROMCO, I set the dial to 250 degrees Celsius.
05:41That's 482 degrees Fahrenheit.
05:44You made this, Dan?
05:45Yep.
05:46Looks real.
05:47It looks real.
05:48It is real.
05:49I made it.
05:50I made it.
05:51You're a person who bakes bread now then, eh?
05:55Yes, I think maybe I am.
05:56How was it?
05:57Berlin.
05:58I made it.
05:59You're a person who bakes bread now then, eh?
06:02Yes, I think maybe I am.
06:03How was it?
06:04Berlin.
06:05It was amazing.
06:06I felt better there than I felt in years.
06:07Good.
06:08That's good.
06:09You deserve that.
06:11It won't be long.
06:12It's just so good at getting Dean down.
06:13It drives me nuts to be rich, yeah?
06:15I made it.
06:16Is that what you did, no?
06:17I did.
06:18I did!
06:19I did.
06:20I did.
06:21I did.
06:22I did.
06:23No.
06:24I was a person who baked bread now then, eh?
06:26Yes, I think maybe I am.
06:27How was it?
06:28Berlin.
06:29It was amazing.
06:30It felt better there than I felt in years.
06:31Good.
06:32That's good.
06:33You deserve that.
06:34It won't be long.
06:35It's just so good at getting Dean down. It drives me nuts, to be honest.
06:44Have you, um, heard from the governor yet?
06:49Expecting a call any day now.
06:52I really should get a lawyer.
06:54You haven't got a lawyer yet?
06:57Dan, you need to get a lawyer.
06:59Yeah, I know.
07:00Dan, get a lawyer.
07:02I can't bury your head with this. This is going to get real very soon.
07:08Yeah, I know. It's just...
07:16Lee told you how we met, right?
07:18Yeah. You met in recovery?
07:23Yeah. Did he tell you how I ended up in recovery?
07:26No. I mean, he said that something happened, but he didn't say what.
07:32Well, I used to work as a prison officer, you know that.
07:36And I was on a young offenders unit, which...
07:39They're the worst. Just testosterone raging. Teens trying to prove themselves.
07:45One day, in the chapel, I'm trying to break up a fight between three lads.
07:52And I get caught in the middle, pushed to the ground, and they turned on me.
07:59Kick me in the head. Face, ribs, kidneys.
08:03And then eight other lads ran over and joined in.
08:10Jesus Christ, Laura.
08:12Yeah.
08:15Yeah, so I was bedridden, and they put me on codeine for the pain.
08:20And then when I did go back, well, I hadn't seen the faces of the lads who jumped in.
08:29So every time I'm with one of them, part of me is thinking,
08:34was it you?
08:35So I just fell deeper into codeine and fell too deep to get out.
08:47Thing is, I hated those boys.
08:51But I also found it hard to blame them.
09:00I mean, most of them had called me mum by mistake at some time or another, and I just...
09:07I just couldn't do it no more, Dan.
09:11I was...
09:14neither one thing nor the other.
09:16It's being split that kills you.
09:30Jesus Christ.
09:35I had no idea that that happened to you, Laura.
09:38What am I going to do?
09:41Carry it around with me for the rest of my life?
09:46Oh, God, you are so annoying.
09:49Well, what can I say? The boy loves his daddy.
09:53You coming?
10:02See you later.
10:03Right.
10:07So, you finally took drugs, eh?
10:10Did you like it?
10:12Yes, he liked it.
10:13So, you go abroad, drop a knee, come back, start baking.
10:19Yeah, it's the new me.
10:21Because I thought that would learn Sanskrit.
10:25And this baking, did it involve using your oven by any chance?
10:29It did, yeah.
10:31I used my oven.
10:32And?
10:34And it took me an hour and 15 minutes to go out.
10:37I had to wait for the cooker to get ice cold before I could walk out.
10:46All right.
10:48Here's what you do.
10:49You're going out, right?
10:52You pull a table in front of your oven.
10:53You put everything you need on it.
10:55Phone, wallet, keys, all of it.
10:57Get ready, take a shit, crafty wank, whatever.
11:00Then you go back to that table and you put each one of those things in your pocket.
11:03Then, you touch each gas ring once.
11:07You look in the oven once.
11:08You look in the grill once.
11:10Just once.
11:11You don't do anything more than once.
11:14And then you say goodbye and good fuck and you walk out that door.
11:17And then, and Dan, this is the most important bit.
11:22You do not come back.
11:28That sounds like surprisingly good advice.
11:33Thanks.
11:37You're not inside yet, Dan.
11:40You've got your case, the fence, appeals.
11:43You take it one step at a time, yeah?
11:56You're looking better.
11:58I'm back in the meetings, doing what I need to do, you know?
12:03And you?
12:04Do you remember the, um, the prisoner that I told you about that, that you dads pad me?
12:18You're not talking to him again, are you?
12:19No, no, no.
12:21I'm on suspension.
12:22I couldn't even if I wanted to.
12:27But he told me that the guy got released.
12:29I checked the dates.
12:36And I know who he is.
12:39His name is Matthew Hall.
12:43I arranged to meet him this afternoon.
12:51Okay.
12:51But I wish that I could walk away.
12:53I wish I could just move on like you and Laura, but I can't.
13:00Mum says that I love the man that I know I hated.
13:02How can I move on?
13:04We want you to be Dean's godfather.
13:08Me and Laura were getting him christened.
13:10We want you to be the godfather.
13:13But he needs stability, Dan.
13:16He needs a godparent who can walk out the door and meet him on time.
13:20Who isn't obsessed by a man who tossed him aside like a huge snot rag 25 years ago.
13:29Don't go and see this guy.
13:39Just walk away, yeah?
13:40Just walk away now.
13:59Stop.
14:03And now you start talk a lot, yeah?
14:06You know what?
14:08He didn't even know who lives in every single night.
14:14Well, I'm happy that he got all мин.
14:18Yeah.
14:20Because I live there on every single day, they really love what I love it.
14:22I like to bring another driver.
14:24Who's that?
14:46Uh, hello?
14:47Is that Matthew?
14:50Matty.
14:52Matty, um,
14:53it's, it, my name's Dan Stewart.
14:56We spoke on the phone.
14:57You're fucking late.
14:59I know, sorry, I, yeah, I was, I was late, the, um...
15:01I've been fucking waiting for you.
15:03You're 40 minutes late.
15:06Sorry about that.
15:06Yeah, the, um, the, uh, the bus was stopped.
15:10Then when did you call?
15:13Uh, uh, my, sorry, my phone got nicked.
15:20Wasn't that skinny lad upstairs?
15:23What?
15:24Was it that skinny lad upstairs that nicked your phone?
15:27No.
15:29No, I've, I've only just got here.
15:33He's always nicking phones, he is.
15:37Supposed to be no crime here.
15:38No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
16:08I, um, brought some biscuits.
16:36Digestants?
16:38Um, no, they're an own brand.
16:41They're kind of like Hocknobs.
16:43Oh, fucking Hocknobs.
16:47You'll want a tea, then.
16:53How many sugars?
16:55None.
17:06Sorry about all the air fresheners.
17:24No, that's fine.
17:26He keeps cooking fish, that skinny lad.
17:29I think it's him anyway.
17:32Might be someone else, I don't know.
17:35It stinks.
17:41Are you okay here?
17:43I mean, is there anyone helping you since you got out?
17:48Is there help?
17:50What are you on about?
17:52I mean, you get a probation officer,
17:54but that's just to make sure you're not up to shite.
17:56There's no fucking help.
18:02Do you know where Basel is?
18:05Yeah.
18:09It's in Switzerland.
18:10Switzerland.
18:11That's right, yeah.
18:13I got a son out there.
18:15Working there he is.
18:16He's got two kids.
18:18I was thinking of going out and seeing him.
18:21That sounds nice.
18:22Hmm.
18:23So, can you get a plane there?
18:26Well, to Basel?
18:27Yeah, sure.
18:28How much would that be?
18:31I don't know.
18:32Um, maybe a few hundred.
18:35Well, a train.
18:36Can you get a train to Basel?
18:38I think you might have to change.
18:40How much would that cost?
18:41I really don't know.
18:42I mean, everything's all right now.
18:43You know, I've been inside for fourteen years.
18:44I don't know how to do all this fucking...
18:46So, you were my dad's padmate?
18:47Oh.
18:48Eight months I was, yeah.
18:50Eight months I was here.
18:51Ah.
18:52I haven't been inside wine now.
18:53I've been inside for fourteen years.
18:54I don't know how to do all this fucking...
18:56Every...
18:58Repeatedly.
19:08And so, you were my dad's padmate?
19:12Yes.
19:13Eight months I was, yeah.
19:17Ah.
19:20What was he like?
19:22Your dad?
19:23Yeah.
19:24What was your dad like?
19:28He was alright.
19:30Was he?
19:32Yeah.
19:34Yeah, he was alright.
19:36He was a laugh.
19:39My dad?
19:41My dad was a laugh?
19:43Funny as fuck, your dad.
19:46I did a good stretch with him.
19:48Laughed my way through most of it.
19:50Yeah.
19:51He was a good lad.
19:53Share his last fag he would.
19:55You know, and then they banned Sigs in prison and fucking ruined it.
20:00Much prison without a smoke.
20:02I tell you what, I'll never go back there now.
20:07That just doesn't sound like the man that I remember.
20:10Yeah, well, I'm not fucking lying, you know.
20:12Well, I'm not... I know...
20:13Yeah, I've been to the mate months.
20:16Every day.
20:18I know him better than you.
20:24He was a good lad.
20:26He had his moods, yeah.
20:27But he was a good lad.
20:30And he helped me with reading letters for my son.
20:33Other lads, they'd take the piss if they read a soft word
20:35and then you'd be into something like...
20:36But not him, not your dad.
20:38He understood kindness.
20:39Did he?
20:40Yeah, he fucking well did.
20:43Look, you knew the man on the out.
20:45Right?
20:46But I knew the inside man.
20:47The man who was always there.
20:48The man who can't hide.
20:49Well...
20:53Which do you think is more real?
20:55I fucking eat hobnobs.
21:00It's all them fucking bits in it.
21:05I don't like fucking bits.
21:10What's wrong with the chocolate digestive?
21:12Did he ever talk about my mum?
21:20Yeah.
21:22Every single day.
21:25What was...
21:27Was he still angry with her then, or...?
21:30He wasn't angry, he was in love.
21:32Excuse me?
21:33He loved her.
21:35Always going on about her, he was.
21:37He said the greatest privilege of his life
21:40was to have held her in his arms.
21:42I mean, he'd say that two or three times a week.
21:45I mean, another man you'd get fucking chopsy with for that,
21:48but not your dad.
21:51He didn't mind, like, cos...
21:54Cos he was a good'un.
21:55My dad said those words.
21:56He said...
21:59She made him a better man.
22:01But that he wasn't good enough.
22:04He wasn't angry with her.
22:07He was too busy loving her.
22:13Well...
22:15I'm getting tired now.
22:20I gotta have my nap.
22:21I have to have a nap in the afternoon.
22:22Is there anything else?
22:29Did he ever talk about me?
22:37You're not the drug one, are you?
22:44No, son.
22:47He never talked about you.
22:48I have to talk about you.
23:18I don't know.
23:48I don't know.
24:18I don't know.
24:20Hey, Dan.
24:33What's going on?
24:35What happened to that class?
24:36Hey, yeah.
24:37Um, sorry.
24:39I've been away.
24:40Where?
24:41Like a holiday, is it?
24:42Before I detected a bit of a tan.
24:43Hmm?
24:44I did go abroad, yeah.
24:45Lovely.
24:46Where'd you go?
24:47At Berlin.
24:48Berlin?
24:49I love Berlin.
24:50You've never been to Berlin.
24:51Yes, I fucking have.
24:52I've been there loads.
24:53The drug scene is crazy in Berlin.
24:55You do the clubs, Dan.
24:56You go to Bergheim.
24:57Tell me you went to Bergheim.
24:58Sorry.
24:59Didn't go to Bergheim.
25:00There's a lot of food, though.
25:01You got yourself some curry verse, right?
25:02Yeah.
25:03I ate a curry verse.
25:04What the fuck is a curry verse?
25:06Berlin speciality.
25:07Breakfast covered in ketchup and curry powder.
25:09It's fucking disgusting, to be honest, but you've got to do it, innit?
25:13You go with your boyfriend, Dan?
25:14No, this time I went alone.
25:16Okay, okay.
25:17Listen, you've got to get them classes going, you know, because Keef, he's riling without
25:21them, you know?
25:22He's eating a dictionary a day, yeah?
25:25And just gunning us down with words for him.
25:28So how are you guys doing?
25:30You know, I suppose we were just killing time and chatting shit and waiting for that
25:35out.
25:36Come on.
25:37See you later, Dan.
25:39Guten tag, boss.
25:40Good to see you, boy.
25:41You're dead.
25:42Boyfriend?
25:45They assumed I was gay.
25:47I let them.
25:48So you're living as a closeted heterosexual?
25:50Smart.
26:07You all right, Dan?
26:09Yeah.
26:11Yeah.
26:12I'll just wait.
26:13Good.
26:14It won't be long.
26:16Or he might be.
26:17Who fucking knows.
26:18I had to do what I had to do.
26:25Yeah.
26:26I know.
26:27I mean, I should never have put you in that position, really.
26:28Or Jamie.
26:29It's me that should apologize, not you.
26:30I wasn't fucking apologizing.
26:31Hey, how's Greg doing?
26:32Who's Greg?
26:33You know, Greg, the Skittles.
26:34Oh, Greg.
26:35Oh, yeah.
26:36Oh, yeah.
26:37He's gone.
26:38Oh, yeah.
26:39He's gone.
26:40Oh, yeah.
26:41He's gone.
26:42Oh, yeah.
26:43He's gone.
26:44You got release?
26:45No.
26:46Suicide.
26:47What?
26:48Yeah, I think it was asphyxiation.
26:49But to be honest, it was two suicides ago, so.
26:50Are you serious?
26:51He's dead?
26:52The thing is, Dan, they don't all make it out of here.
26:54You're not.
26:55No, no.
26:56I'm not.
26:57No, no, no.
26:58I'm not.
26:59I'm not.
27:00I'm not.
27:01I'm not.
27:02I'm not.
27:03I'm not.
27:04I'm not.
27:05I'm not.
27:06I'm not.
27:07I'm not.
27:08I'm not.
27:09I'm not.
27:10I'm not.
27:11I'm not.
27:12I'm not.
27:13I'm not.
27:14I'm not.
27:15I'm not.
27:16What happened to you?
27:18The thing is Dan they don't all make it out of here.
27:45Come on.
28:02You've elected not to have a lawyer present.
28:04That's right.
28:05Can I ask why?
28:07There's no new information.
28:10I told you the truth.
28:12You know everything.
28:13Why didn't you tell me your father was a prisoner?
28:17Well, I've not seen him in 20 years.
28:19He's not a part of my life.
28:20Isn't he?
28:22Things like that can have a long tail.
28:25He's not a part of my life.
28:30What is it you think you've been doing here, Dan?
28:34What do I, sorry?
28:36What have you been achieving?
28:40Um...
28:46People...
28:48People sort of enjoy thinking.
28:51Even those who we deem not to be good at it.
28:55Thinking is human.
28:58My course lets them think for a bit.
29:03It lets them feel human.
29:07The reason I operate a zero tolerance policy as regards staff and contraband isn't piety.
29:17It's out of necessity.
29:19In common with every facility in this country, my prison is rife with drugs, violence and extortion.
29:26The levers I have at my disposal to stop staff exploiting or being exploited are very few.
29:32Prosecuting people like you to the full extent of the law is really the main one.
29:38I do it because it works.
29:41I understand.
29:43So, in light of that, I've decided not to prosecute.
29:49Excuse me?
29:51You didn't do what you did for gain.
29:53That's clear.
29:54So prosecution serves no purpose other than to deprive the men of something they seem to like.
29:59You're right.
30:01They do like to think.
30:03It does make them feel human.
30:05It's better for me to have humans in it.
30:08Humans I can deal with.
30:10It's alright. I'm okay. I'm not gonna get...
30:12I'm lifting suspension.
30:13Effective immediately.
30:16This is only one of a handful of times in the last 15 years I've given a second chance for something like this.
30:22There won't be a third.
30:24Do you understand that?
30:25Yes, I do.
30:29It's good.
30:37Oh, fuck me.
30:39Hey hey hey.
30:44Hey what's wrong with you?
30:45I'm okay.
30:46I'm okay.
30:47I'm okay.
30:48You're okay?
30:49I'm okay.
30:50I'm okay.
30:51Yeah.
30:52Yeah, yeah.
30:53Hey, hey.
30:54Hey, what's wrong with you?
30:55Yeah.
30:56I'm okay.
30:57Hey, hey, hey.
30:58You're okay?
30:59I'm okay. Thank you.
31:00You too.
31:02Take a minute.
31:03Okay.
31:08Okay.
32:05We all wander far from God and lose our way.
32:08Christ comes to find us and welcomes us home.
32:12In baptism, we respond to his call.
32:15Therefore, I ask, do you turn away from sin?
32:20I do.
32:21Do you reject evil?
32:23I do.
32:25Do you turn to Christ, the Savior?
32:28I do.
32:29I do.
32:30Wait a minute.
32:31Hi.
32:32Oh, Frank's got retro.
32:34Oh, come on.
32:35You're lying to me.
32:36You're lying to me.
32:38You're lying to me.
32:40What is it, what?
32:42Hey, hey, hey, hey.
32:43I'm for Frank.
32:45Thanks.
32:48You look good with that baby in his arms, didn't you, girl?
32:52He's fine. It's old.
32:53He did look good, though.
32:55Well, you know what they say, Laura.
32:56One grandchild is plenty.
32:57plenty. But two's even better.
33:00No one says no.
33:01Or three. Or four. Or four.
33:02Here, pack it in you.
33:06You did look good with that baby, though.
33:08You're all right.
33:12Last time I was here,
33:13this was for Martin's funeral.
33:17It's nice to be back like this.
33:22Oh, I hear you're a baker now.
33:25Sour, though.
33:26Martin would be proud.
33:27It was a great day, eh?
33:29It was a great day, ladies and gentlemen.
33:33Sorry about what I said.
33:34The last time that we...
33:37You never need to say sorry, Danny.
33:44Not to a parent.
33:46We're bolted on.
33:54I took drugs.
33:55Oh, my God.
33:57Why are you telling me that, Danny?
33:59I'm your bloody mum.
34:00You told me to.
34:01I didn't think you were going to come and tell me all about it.
34:04Oh, Jesus Christ, Danny.
34:08What drugs did you do, then?
34:09Actually, don't tell me.
34:10I don't want to know.
34:11Well, go on, then.
34:11What did you do?
34:14Sorry.
34:14It was just, it was recreational.
34:16It wasn't, it wasn't anything, you know.
34:17Are you going to do it again?
34:19I mean, do I need to worry?
34:21No, look, Mum, I just, I just went out and did normal things.
34:25I thought you'd want to know that I was being normal.
34:26Oh, oh.
34:27Oh, this is you being normal?
34:29Take drugs?
34:29Then very normally, come and tell your mum all about it.
34:32A christening.
34:32Just like normal people do.
34:34All right, Mum.
34:34I'm pleased you're being normal.
34:46He always was proud of you.
34:50Martin.
34:54He was proud of you every single day.
35:02Just like we all are.
35:04He was proud of you.
35:32so after a few minutes of this i'll stop i'll turn around and i'll go oh oh i'm sorry sir
35:42i didn't know you were there i couldn't hear over the sound of all that fucking honking
35:47oh my god what did he do well he loses it he bangs his foot on the accelerator goes all the
35:54way around the outside of the car park to get around me so i thought all right so i just
36:00slipped on up and blocked the exit you didn't big line of fucking trolleys he gets round and there's
36:09me kneeling doing the shoelace next thing i know he's nudging right up to my trolleys he starts
36:18shunting them what with his tesla with his fucking tesla what did you do frank well i just stood there
36:27watching that massive scraping sand the metal there isn't finally i'll step in and i'll say
36:35excuse me sir i would not advise you to do that and he says i don't take advice from the likes of you
36:43and i'll say i would if i were you sir because you're ripping your fucking bumper off
36:49he's ripped him right off then
36:53hey next thing i know there's a copper down what why
36:59i don't know no idea someone must have phoned him tesla's ecstatic
37:04he's straight with this man has kidnapped me he says oh god kidnap he says well this copper he takes
37:15one look at me he comes over and says all right frank how you doing he's only one of the bunch that
37:23nicked me and vinnie last time no no no they loved us when they nicked me and vinnie they was as good
37:32as gold most of these only get to deal with junkies but we was proper criminals
37:36they had a board up with pins and strings all our crimes on mum she's so proud
37:43and he's all right good to see you frank you're looking so well oh you put a bit of weight on
37:50glad to see your back on your feet you keep your nose cream
37:54then he turns to elong fucking muscle
37:57nicks him for criminal damage and threatening behavior
38:02yeah
38:04yeah
38:08i can't believe it
38:12see you
38:14hi buddy
38:16all right mum's pissed isn't she
38:20yep
38:22all right
38:24yeah last minute cuddles
38:26hey
38:28oh
38:30what are you off to tonight then
38:32um i'm gonna go home get ready uh i've got a date well it's not a date i'm meeting
38:42natasha
38:43yeah
38:44yeah it's not a date i'm just gonna get a coffee
38:48still that is something yeah yeah it's something isn't it
38:58thanks for asking me lee it's a great honour
39:00you soppy twat
39:02come on
39:04hi
39:06oh i got you
39:08oh i gotcha
39:10all right
39:11let go of it then
39:12let go of what
39:14the guilt
39:16do you know why dad walked out and that's the actual reason
39:26cause he's a fucking idiot
39:28that's all
39:30it's no deeper than that
39:34you look at this boy and you tell me it's any deeper than that
39:48get out
39:50you
39:52it's a really good
39:54you
39:56you
39:58you
40:00you
40:02you
40:04you
40:06you
40:08you
40:10you
40:12you
40:14you
42:48Off.
42:50Off.
42:52Off.
42:54Off.
42:58Off.
43:00Goodbye and good fuck.
43:30Goodbye and good fuck.
44:00Goodbye and good fuck.
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