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Malcolm In The Middle Lifes Still Unfair S01E01 [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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00:07Previously on Malcolm in the Middle
00:15What are you looking at?
00:18Wee!
00:21I've been stealing money from the church
00:33You're going to put your hands inside of mommy
00:35And take out this baby
00:38And someone actually asked for more of this
00:44Life is unfair
00:51I really appreciate the opportunity
00:53Everyone in my class was after this internship
00:56I fought tooth and nail work
00:57No problem, we are glad to have you
00:59So, what do you guys do?
01:02Well, we install computer systems
01:05In grocery store chains and food manufacturers
01:07To align their inventory software
01:09With food banks and shelters all across the country
01:11So instead of unused food getting dumped
01:14It goes to people who actually need it
01:15Got it, and what is a food bank?
01:20Maybe watch our video a few more times
01:27Yeah, I look different
01:29But hey, everything about me is different
01:32I'm happy
01:33I'm successful
01:34I've learned to work productively with idiots
01:36My life is fantastic now
01:40You want to know how I did it?
01:41All I had to do
01:43Is stay completely away from my family
01:46Here we go
02:00You know, I think you are finally beginning to thin out
02:03These things have lasted for six months
02:05You know, I can call back later
02:07Come on, Dewey
02:07You've seen this like a thousand times
02:09It's just a normal human body
02:11Doing normal human behavior
02:13Undergrowth
02:16How's the concert tour?
02:18It's fine
02:19But I'm really sorry
02:20I'm not going to make your anniversary party
02:22I'm sad too
02:23But you cannot turn down a chance to play for royalty
02:25I mean, what if Carl Gustav
02:27Wants to give you a knighthood or a sword or something?
02:29Is Jamie going to make it?
02:30I think so
02:31He put in for a leave
02:31Towel! Towel! Towel!
02:35Trauma averted
02:36Thank you
02:39Hey, Dewey
02:40Hi, Kelly
02:40How's school?
02:41Beneath me
02:42How's Sonia?
02:43Oh, um
02:44It's not Sonia anymore
02:45It's Lisbon
02:45No!
02:46Annette!
02:47Anyway
02:47She's good
02:48We're really connecting
02:49But we're going to go shopping later
02:51Do them want to come?
02:54Him can't come with we?
02:56Us has homework
02:57Hey, he's trying
02:58Don't mock him for it
02:59I'm not afraid of you
03:00That's not
03:01I get good grades
03:02I help around the house
03:03I'm your only kid without a file at the police station
03:06I'm untouchable
03:07Yeah, well
03:08It wouldn't kill you to tell your father you loved him every once in a while
03:12I love you
03:13Oh, that just sounds sarcastic
03:15I love you
03:17Nice and annoyed
03:18I kind of do
03:19It's your timbre
03:21I love you
03:21I love you
03:22I love you
03:23The middle one was nice
03:25Thank you
03:28So back in college
03:30I completely turned my life around
03:31Because I realized
03:33The less contact I have with my family
03:35The less I act like a sociopath
03:37I've become more patient
03:39Less angry
03:40Way more mature
03:42Anytime I am around them
03:44It takes me like two seconds to revert
03:46For crying out loud
03:47I speak fluent Spanish
03:48I know how to say quesadilla
03:50I don't know
03:50It sounded like you said
03:51Quesadilla
03:52Oh, no
03:52You're like
03:53Quesadilla
03:55Siempre hacen esto
03:56Intentan colegir a las personas por algo de lo que no sabes nada
03:59Say exactamente como van a enseñar quesadilla
04:02Quesadilla
04:03That's it
04:04That already said
04:05That already said
04:05Quesadilla
04:12Grandma's television was plasma
04:13I had to watch two episodes of frickin' Dexter with her
04:16And it was obvious from the rich deep black
04:18You're insane
04:19She bought that TV in 2015
04:20All right
04:21They already had full array LEDs
04:22With the same picture quality for a quarter of the price
04:26It's not showing off
04:27It's a completely sensible
04:29Mid-price sedan
04:30Why don't you just admit
04:31You're stuck up
04:32And shoving your shiny new car in my face
04:33To make me feel bad
04:34Is this stuck up
04:36Is this showing off
04:39Is this me trying to make you feel bad
04:42It's not them
04:43It's me
04:44Being around them
04:46So I've arranged my life to ensure absolute minimum contact
04:49My house is a true layover flight from anyone
04:52I'm always swamped with work on holidays
04:55But I also create the illusion of closeness
04:57With effusive emails
04:59And phone calls
05:00And birthday cards
05:01Saying how much I miss them
05:02And I can't wait to see them
05:03It's really important to me
05:05Not to hurt their feelings
05:07Because then
05:07They'll make me talk to them about it face to face
05:10Welcome to Huge Mart
05:12Where our deals are
05:13We still need a 200 pack of votive candles
05:14And a thousand feet of ruby tassel garland
05:17Oh, there's gold
05:18No, 40th anniversary's ruby
05:19Not gold
05:20Get in the game, Hal
05:22Hey, lovebirds
05:24I hid your mini disco balls
05:26Thank you, Craig
05:27They're in the clone aisle
05:28Behind my signature scent
05:32Which is
05:33Suave Sauvage
05:34For him
05:35Already got it
05:37So, how do you like the new job?
05:39Well, my heart belongs to Lucky Aid
05:42But after they denied my promotion
05:44And that mysterious, untraceable fire
05:46I'm glad I found a new home
05:47Lois
05:48Come quick
05:49It's that famous celebrity you like
05:56Oh, yeah, yeah
05:58Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
06:03Never had much faith in love for miracles
06:07Miracles
06:09Never wanna put my heart on the line
06:16But swimming in your water
06:18Is something spiritual
06:21Spiritual
06:22Spiritual
06:22Spiritual
06:22I'm born again every time you spend the night
06:27E-I-I-I
06:29Cause the sex takes me to paradise
06:32And it's true
06:36Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:38Cause you make me feel like
06:41I've been locked out of heaven
06:45For too long
06:47Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
06:50Oh, oh, oh, oh
06:52Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
06:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
06:56Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:58Can I just stay here?
07:02Spend the rest of my days here
07:05Cause your sex takes me to paradise
07:08Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:12Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:18Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:32That's it
07:33Now it's my meatball
07:36Okay, let's take it from the sex park
07:38Guys, you know, that was magical
07:40Let's not go past it
07:41It was lovely
07:43Hell, thank you
07:44Well, it was just a little weird
07:46Two weeks before the anniversary
07:47No!
07:48Before or after the party
07:49We agreed
07:50You can do anything you want
07:52As often as you want
07:53Before or after
07:54The actual anniversary day is mine
07:57You promise?
07:57Under duress
07:58I'll promise anything
08:00When you do that thing
08:02Hell, for 39 years of anniversaries
08:04And birthdays
08:05And really every celebration
08:07You do the most wonderful
08:09Romantic, amazing
08:10Grand gestures
08:11The fireworks display
08:12Oh, yeah
08:13Releasing those doves
08:15That should have been done outside
08:16And away from the fam
08:18And now this once
08:19I want to be the one deciding
08:20How we celebrate
08:22And not have your plans
08:24Just happen to me
08:27Yeah, I mean
08:28Why don't you play with your friends
08:29While I finish up
08:33She makes it seem like
08:34Every little romantic gesture
08:36I've ever made is crazy
08:39No, no
08:40It won't hurt to let Lois do it
08:42Exactly the way she wants to
08:43For one
08:44Oh, so I just sit back
08:45Do nothing like I don't even love her
08:47No, no, no
08:47Not on my watch
08:48How?
08:48Please
08:49You're the only one of us still married
08:51Do not break a promise to that woman
08:53I would never
08:55Lois gets her day
08:57But until then
08:58Every moment of every day
08:59I will show her so much love
09:01She will run screaming
09:03At the sight of me
09:17Nice, right?
09:18And this isn't even the best thing
09:20The best thing
09:21The best thing in the whole world
09:23Is who's inside it
09:24My daughter, Leah
09:26She's kind of a trophy I won in college
09:28For attending my first kegger
09:29She hates that joke
09:33Her mother, Dreamer
09:34Yes, her name is Dreamer
09:37Ran off three days after giving birth
09:38So, single father
09:40But I'm good at it
09:41I just imagine what my parents would do
09:43And do the exact opposite
09:45It's not that hard
09:50I won't make it worse
09:51I won't make it worse
09:56Just so you know
09:57I don't cry like this all the time
09:59I also do depressed apathy
10:02Paralyzed embarrassment
10:03And impotent fury
10:07It's a rich inner life
10:10Sweetie, what's wrong?
10:11Allison Gibb got invited me to her birthday party
10:15Why is that sad?
10:17You want the list?
10:18I only want
10:18Allison and her friends did this as a joke
10:20They know I know they don't want me to go
10:22If I do go
10:23They'll freeze me out
10:24Until I burst into tears
10:25And daddy comes to get me
10:26Which is what they really want
10:27I'm completely isolated at school
10:30I've never had any friends
10:31And my personality
10:33By which I mean your personality
10:35Makes it impossible for me to ever have any
10:39Okay, well
10:40Do you want my list?
10:41You're intelligent
10:42You're beautiful
10:43And hardworking
10:44And incredibly perceptive
10:46Yeah, thanks for that too
10:47That's how I notice
10:48Every smirk
10:49And slight
10:50And microscopic eye roll
10:52Aimed at me since first grade
10:53Why'd you have to be so gentle with me growing up?
10:55I have no armor
10:56Leah, look
10:57I am so sorry you're going through this
11:00But I promise
11:01It'll get better
11:02It got so much better for me
11:04Once I went off to college
11:05So that's less than a
11:07A decade
11:10It's actually worse when he tries hard
11:15Why'd that make you nervous?
11:17What?
11:17Your phone
11:18Why did that call make you nervous?
11:20I'm not nervous
11:21It was just work and we're talking
11:24Maybe my concern for how upset you are
11:26Is coming across as nervous
11:27And why do you keep it so hot in here?
11:29I want to be alone now anyway
11:31Okay
11:33I'm not going to smother you
11:34But I'm here for you
11:36Like always
11:37I love you
11:39Really love you
11:43Love you so much
11:49Malcolm, I need you to call me back today
11:51About our anniversary
11:52We have to know when you're coming
11:53And we know you're coming
11:54Because you would never be that monstrously inconsiderate
11:57Love you
11:59I didn't answer dad's voicemail yesterday
12:01So I knew it would escalate to mom
12:03I wrote the email
12:04Sorry, I was in emergency meetings till late
12:06And I just heard your voicemail
12:07I scheduled that to send at 2.16am
12:10That way I look considerate
12:12For emailing instead of calling her back
12:13Trust me
12:14She'll check the timestamp
12:15I have to set up six more food banks this month
12:18But barring a crisis
12:19I'll be there
12:20That's what's great about running a charity
12:22Anything I say is a crisis
12:24Is a crisis
12:26For charity
12:29I scored the cut
12:30Dry-fitted twice
12:31So now I glue it down
12:33Perfect
12:33This is so easy
12:35I had no idea
12:35I can't wait to start the gazebo next week
12:37You know, Reese
12:38Doing these projects together every weekend
12:42I love it more than anything
12:44Me too
12:45I have to confess, though, that this floor was fine
12:50You don't actually have to rotate floor tiles every six months
12:55I know
12:56You do?
12:58But almost every job we've done
12:59The car, the backyard irrigation, the washing machine
13:03They didn't need to be done either
13:05It's my favorite thing to do anyway
13:06I'm spending a lot of money fixing things that don't need fixing
13:12And since this is really just about us spending time together
13:16Maybe we can do jigsaw puzzles
13:18No!
13:18I know how to do puzzles
13:20You steal one piece, so you're the only one that can finish it
13:24We have to be building or fixing things
13:26Oh, son, whoa
13:27What's going on?
13:31Dad, have you ever heard of a metaphor?
13:36Yes, Reese
13:37We all know my life sucks
13:40I've ruined my job
13:41My marriages
13:43I don't really have any friends
13:46That's not the metaphor yet
13:48Ready?
13:49Things like gluing these tiles
13:50So they fit together perfectly
13:52Is a metaphor for me fitting in with people
13:56And these tools are a metaphor for you
13:59And all the things in life you're teaching me
14:02Dad, you're a tool
14:04A tool to help me build my life back
14:09I will always be your tool
14:15You know what's great about going to a fancy private high school?
14:20Nothing
14:21It is the same emotional shithole as every other high school
14:26Leah!
14:27Hi, Allison
14:28Did you get my invitation?
14:30It's going to be really fun
14:31Dad got an aura camera
14:32I did
14:34Thanks
14:34Great
14:34See you there
14:47Leah?
14:48Oh, hey Cheyenne
14:49I couldn't finish my math homework
14:51Can you show me how to do a slope intercept?
14:53Of course
14:54I don't mind at all
14:54I'm always happy to help
14:56You know, you don't have to panic about it
14:57I wasn't panicking
15:00Oh
15:01It's just
15:01I can see where you've been pulling out your hair
15:05I'm not saying you pull out your hair
15:06It's probably just ringworm
15:07And that's easy to fix
15:08Eight weeks of fungicide pills
15:11Because it's not an actual worm inside your head
15:12It's a fungus
15:16Oh, God
15:17What do I do?
15:18Make it seem like I was joking?
15:26All right
15:27What is wrong with her?
15:29I'm really sorry about the whole thing
15:30You othered Cheyenne in view of the peer group
15:33Yeah, I knew I was upsetting her
15:35And I was trying to fix it
15:36But I kept making it worse
15:38Because right before
15:39Other girls hurt my feelings
15:40So I wasn't thinking clearly
15:42I'm not blaming them
15:44They can't help it
15:45Robert Sapolsky has pretty compelling research
15:47That endorphin levels actually spike
15:48When members of an in-group exclude or attack members of an out-group
15:52At least with chimpanzees
15:57He's on YouTube
16:08Once a week, he'll stand in the front yard
16:10Shirtless and flex
16:17Get ready
16:18You're going to see something shocking
16:22Hey, I'm proud of us
16:23We actually got all the way to the bed before we went at it
16:29Tristan
16:30My girlfriend
16:31I mean, it is so much more than that
16:33She loves me
16:35I know
16:36It sounds like a lie to me, too
16:41How was your day?
16:42It was good
16:43We won the Grosvenor Innovation Grant
16:45I beat an AI
16:47Dude
16:48You don't have to keep proving how smart you are
16:49I really don't care
16:51Oh, except for my taxes
16:53That was awesome
16:54So what do you care about?
16:56I care that you always listen to me
16:58And that you're supportive
17:00And that you keep your promises
17:03And
17:04Mostly I care that you understand
17:06In a deep
17:08And complete way
17:09Who I am
17:11Inside
17:13And you love me anyway
17:15And I am so grateful for that
17:18Jesus, I thought we were just doing banter
17:23I gotta get one
17:27She's gonna like me
17:29Right?
17:29Are you kidding?
17:31Leah's gonna love you
17:31You're as worried as I am
17:33What makes you say that?
17:33Because you know that if she doesn't like me
17:35We can't
17:37Move forward
17:38I mean, eventually we'd have to break up
17:40But I have so many plans to prevent that
17:43Mutual interest outings
17:44Weekly kindness days
17:45Shared journaling
17:46There's one where you hold on to the end of a yarn ball
17:48And you pass it back and forth to each other
17:50And you keep saying nice things
17:52And you keep throwing it
17:53Until you guys are both tied up really tight together
17:55In the yarn
17:58I'm betting on us
18:00Look
18:00You can make friends with anyone
18:02I've seen it
18:02And it's obvious how much we love each other
18:04Leah's gonna see that
18:05And she's gonna want to be a part of it
18:06I don't know
18:07When I was her age
18:08I hated myself and everything in my field of vision
18:11So shall I grow it?
18:12Can we wait for that?
18:14No
18:14No
18:15It is past time we did this
18:17We're doing it
18:18Okay
18:20You're also honest
18:22And sincere
18:24And sensitive
18:25Not to mention in bed
18:27The way you combine enthusiasm
18:29And startling physical strength
18:33With a clear understanding of nuance
18:39Tristan likes green
18:39So maybe wear your chinos
18:40Sue went to private school too
18:42So you can talk about that
18:43And politics just makes her upset
18:47Movies
18:47She can talk about them all day
18:49But she loves rom-com
18:50So don't you say anything snotty
18:52You can write this down if you want
18:53I would
18:54But my pen is busy doing actual homework
18:56Sweetie
18:57So when do I yell
18:58I want my real mommy
18:59And run out in tears
19:01I'll surprise you
19:02Please
19:02This is important to me
19:03Dad
19:04I get it
19:05It's your only chance for love
19:06And I have complete control
19:08Over your future happiness
19:11Every parenting book
19:12Says I shouldn't let you believe that
19:19Kelly where are you?
19:20What can I do?
19:21Are you okay?
19:21What's the matter?
19:22That I have to make up a lie
19:23To get my own brother
19:24To answer the phone
19:24You have to promise me
19:26You'll come to mom and dad's anniversary
19:27Kelly I'm trying
19:29Hey listen to me
19:30All they talk about
19:31Is whether or not you'll be there
19:32They're old Malcolm
19:33They could die any second
19:35Decapitated in a car wreck
19:37Slowly choking to death
19:38On a respirator
19:39From some lingering illness
19:41Stabbed over and over
19:42By some drifter they took in
19:43Clock is ticking
19:44Busy boy
19:45You can do this for them
19:46I am doing everything I can
19:48To be there
19:48But my charity
19:49Just has me so busy all the time
19:50So you can figure out
19:51All this advanced infrastructure
19:52For hundreds of charities
19:53And corporations
19:54But even after six months notice
19:56You can't plan half a day off
19:58Wow that's almost mom level
20:01Okay
20:01At their age
20:02They're a little self-righteous
20:03Simultaneously overconfident
20:05And insecure
20:07Validate their intentions
20:08And blow some smoke
20:09Look I am glad
20:10That you see how important
20:11This is for mom and dad
20:12They are lucky
20:12To have you looking out for them
20:13Other kids your age
20:15Aren't half as perceptive
20:17What?
20:18I'm on the phone
20:19Okay
20:20Look I am so sorry
20:22But I do have to get back to work
20:23But don't worry
20:24I'm sure I can be there
20:25Love you
20:26Hey Linda can you print me that report
20:29With that one
20:29You got to get in and out
20:31Before they can think too much
20:32How do you not allow glitter
20:34You're a party venue
20:35I just want a couple of handfuls
20:37For people to toss
20:38During our spotlight dance
20:41Okay
20:41So no glitter
20:43Did our monogrammed cocktail stirs
20:45With the little hearts
20:46Did they come in?
20:47No
20:48No
20:48They come with
20:49The Radiant Elegance Package
20:53The Radiant Mystique
20:54Elegance Package
20:55How much does that cost?
21:00Okay
21:00Just do it
21:02Such nonsense
21:03I'm sorry to be taking
21:05All the attention away
21:06From your 40th birthday
21:07Mom
21:08I'm a 39
21:09I was born on your first anniversary
21:11Not your wedding day
21:1439?
21:17Of course you are
21:18Hey
21:18How are you guys enjoying
21:19The new guest suite?
21:20The garage?
21:21Yeah
21:22Once we unpacked the bag
21:23Stomped a few spiders
21:24Got the plastic tarp
21:25Off the bed
21:26It was real homey
21:27Me and dad did all the renovations
21:28Your brother's become
21:29Quite the handyman
21:30Well it is great
21:31A heads up
21:33The toilet wasn't connected
21:34Would have been cool
21:35You know we could afford a motel
21:37Absolutely not
21:38We love having you here
21:39Besides you gotta save up some money
21:41Until you get a solid job
21:42Mom
21:42I've been there 15 years
21:44I'm senior management
21:45I have 75 people under me
21:47That's 75 people plotting to replace you
21:50And you need to retie your bows
21:52They need to be droopy
21:53They droop?
21:54They need to droop languidly
21:56Look at your father's
21:58Your knots are too crisp
21:59Use baby hands
22:01Why don't you criticize his bows?
22:02Those aren't languid
22:03They're turgid
22:04Dad likes me better than you now
22:06Did you ever talk to Malcolm?
22:08No
22:09We keep trading emails back and forth
22:10I know he's doing good things
22:12But he is gonna work himself to death
22:14I just got off the phone with him
22:17He's not coming
22:23Okay
22:24We can do this
22:25It's gonna be great
22:25Love you
22:27Love you
22:27Do you need to pee?
22:28No
22:28Yes
22:29No
22:29No
22:34Leah we're here
22:37Leah this is Tristan
22:42Hey
22:43Hi
22:44Leah
22:51Good we're
22:52We're easing in slowly
22:53There's no rush
22:58So
22:59How much did he prep you?
23:06When you were four
23:07You tried to scare Miss Rachel
23:08Into cancelling preschool
23:09By saying her mold
23:10Didn't look right
23:14You have to twist your hamburger bun
23:16Exactly three times
23:17So the condiments smear evenly
23:21You refused an award from the state young scientist challenge
23:23Because you thought it would make you a famous nerd
23:26You love being a physical therapist
23:28But you are grossed out when you have to touch old people
23:32You fly into a spitting rage if you do wordle in three
23:34I do
23:36Sometimes when you stand up too fast
23:38You fart
23:39And I have to ignore
23:41I do
23:42You don't
23:44Now him
23:45Has he ever told you about his reluctant move into politics?
23:50Oh my god
23:50So one time I found a notepad where he wrote
23:52Assemblyman
23:53Congressman
23:54Lieutenant Governor
23:57And the thing
23:58The thing with the actor shape
24:03Why?
24:03I don't know
24:06I've never been so happy to be humiliated in my life
24:09It always does
24:09This could be my family
24:11My last checkbox
24:12This is amazing
24:14Malcolm
24:15We are not doing this by email
24:17Or text
24:18Or over the phone
24:18Or by Zoom
24:19We are going to talk about it
24:21No matter what you have to arrange
24:23You are going to be at our anniversary with the rest of the family
24:26Dad?
24:32You have a daughter?
24:34She's alive?
24:38What's happening?
24:44You made me do this!
24:46Malcolm
24:46This family's non-stop anti-social behavior
24:49And mindless belligerence
24:50And myopic priorities
24:52Are toxic to me
24:53Every single bad thing that happened in my life
24:55Is your fault!
24:57Getting away from you
24:58Is how I finally stopped being such an asshole!
25:02Wait, so
25:03Your biggest problem
25:05Is
25:06That we
25:09Exist?
25:14Thank you
25:15Who are you?
25:17I don't know
25:18How could you do this to your family?
25:21No, stop
25:22You insisted on barging in on my home
25:25Okay?
25:26Without an invitation
25:27So you can at least give me the courtesy
25:28To explain myself
25:30Please
25:30Sit down
25:36Oh, of the way
26:04I don't know.
26:20I don't know.
26:37I don't know.
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