Going Dutch Season 2 Episode 10

Reality Movies TV

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Transcript

00:08Oh, my back! Oh my God!

00:20Bacon!

00:24Come on, Bacon.

00:27I've defended my country my whole life. Please let me out this bacon.

00:34Something is definitely wrong.

00:35I mean, you know that the Colonel thinks it's five minutes early, it's ten minutes late.

00:38I'm sure it's fine. It's only 8.03.

00:40It's 8.03?

00:42Oh, my God. He's probably dead. He's probably dead.

00:44I'm gonna call him, right? I'll just check on him.

00:45Yeah. Just, uh, double check.

00:50Of course, that went to the voicemail he's never set up.

00:53I'm gonna go check on him.

00:54What?

00:54He's been putting a down payment on a heart attack for a while.

00:57Oh, last week he told me he was in his bacon era.

00:59I have been begging him to cut down to his lap every other day.

01:03Ugh!

01:07My God, you're not dead.

01:10Just horribly injured. What happened?

01:12Come here. I've got something to tell you.

01:15Oh, Dad, Dad, I'm here.

01:16It's important.

01:18Yeah.

01:19Put the bacon in my mouth.

01:25Floor bacon first.

01:28Floor bacon?

01:29I can't let the bacon win.

01:35Oh.

01:35Oh, yeah.

01:37Yeah.

01:38Uh-oh.

01:39Uh-ah-ah.

01:41Uh-ah.

01:41Uh-uh.

01:42Uh-uh.

01:44Uh.

02:05Rest up.

02:07It's doctor's orders.

02:08You know, you slip a couple discs and all of a sudden the doctor is, like, at the top of

02:12the chain of command.

02:13Look, the base is in good hands. Shaw and I are gonna hold it down until you're up on your

02:16feet.

02:16Let's get you set up with that, uh, World War II documentary you've been going on and on about.

02:22Unseen footage of American troops trashing Hitler's hideout. Just let the doctor order.

02:26I know. The bunker inside the bunker.

02:28Water, meds, anything else you need before I go.

02:30Now they're at the bunker.

02:31Do you need any more, like, shh, shh.

02:33That's the door. They're opening the door. They're going to the bunker inside the bunker, right?

02:37Oh, my God. These are the steps that lead down to the steps that lead down to the bunker inside

02:41the bunker.

02:44I'm gonna rewind.

02:45Ow, ow.

02:50Oh, hey. I didn't know that you were gonna be here working.

02:52Uh, hi.

02:52But that's cool. That's very cool. I'll just stick to my office. It's totally fine.

02:55You can work in here. Do you want to work in here?

02:56I'm good. I can go there. I can be anywhere.

02:58Look, we can work in the same room. I know that you didn't want to get romantically involved

03:02because you said it was unprofessional, and I respect that. So, I'm cool if you're cool.

03:06Well, we could...

03:08That's great. Yeah.

03:09Okay. That's great. Yeah. We're just, uh...

03:11We're just gonna keep it pro, you know?

03:13Keep it pro.

03:13Keeping it pro. We don't have to act on every feeling that we have.

03:15No. Certainly not. I mean, if everyone did that, the world would be complete chaos.

03:19Uh-huh.

03:19We'd be murdering all the time.

03:21Yeah. And sex on the streets, right?

03:22What?

03:22I mean, I would be doing the murdering one. That's what I would be doing.

03:25Right.

03:25If I had the choice between the two. But we're just pros keeping it pro, so...

03:28Yep, yep.

03:30Just...

03:30All right.

03:39Oh, uh...

03:40Well, you can...

03:41All right.

03:42No, it's okay.

03:44My answer phone.

03:47Uh...

03:47Hello, Major Shah?

03:50Uh-huh.

03:51Um...

03:51Yeah, okay. Uh-huh.

03:52Yep. Yep. Yep.

03:54Yeah.

03:55Uh-huh.

03:56Got it. Yes, I will be right out.

03:57Mm.

03:58Looks like there's a report of a landmine in a nearby farm field, so I should probably...

04:01Oh, was that the weird farmer?

04:03Shah, that crank calls like twice a week.

04:04Last time we were there, you dug up sardine cans.

04:07Okay, yeah, yeah.

04:07But I probably should just go make sure.

04:09So, I'll assemble an UXO team to take over there, and you stay here.

04:13Um...

04:13Adios, amiga!

04:14Okay.

04:16That was terrible.

04:18When locals find unexploded military devices, they call the Army.

04:21So, as the UXO team, we've been tasked with sweeping for landmines at a local farm.

04:26Now, as someone with extensive landmine diffusal experience, I've worked with the best of the best.

04:30You know the team from the Hurt Locker?

04:31Mm-hmm.

04:32When they got scared, they came to us.

04:33And I've pretended to see that movie on so many dates.

04:36Okay, well, before we get into the nitty-gritty of it all, I assume you both read the training manual.

04:40Don't need a manual when you got a RUXO.

04:43Mm-hmm.

04:44A what?

04:44The robotic UXO.

04:46The latest and greatest in landmine detection technology, capable of using high-tech sonar to safely identify minds from every

04:54era of modern war.

04:56Also, he's cute as hell.

04:58I am RUXO.

04:59I am ready to serve.

05:00But I know what you're wondering.

05:02Can he dance?

05:03Wasn't wondering that.

05:04I can dance.

05:05I hacked his code.

05:06Five, six, seven, eight!

05:08I can dance.

05:10I can dance.

05:12I can dance.

05:13I can dance.

05:13That was really entertaining.

05:14Okay, let's turn that off now.

05:16Beep boop.

05:16Uh, very good, RUXO.

05:17Great dancing.

05:18But you're otherwise useless.

05:20Because unexpected problems always arise.

05:22Things a robot isn't programmed to do.

05:25But I can make real-time adjustments in the field.

05:27Well, the army is ordering us to use RUXO in any landmine clearings, so...

05:33Okay, fine.

05:34We can bring Private RUXO.

05:36Oh, actually, he's a major.

05:37Major?

05:38Same rank as me.

05:39That's great.

05:41I don't love that salute.

05:44Today, we have the DFAC inventory check due.

05:47So, if it's cool with you guys, and I'm so sorry to even ask you to do this, because

05:50I know how annoying it could be.

05:52And obviously, let me know if it's too much.

05:54But it would be so, so awesome if you guys could handle that.

05:57And if any issues arise, obviously let me know.

05:59But I don't think that there will be.

06:01Um, would you guys be able to handle that?

06:03Sorry, what?

06:05You know what?

06:06I'm just gonna do it.

06:07I will add that to my list.

06:11So, uh, what do I do with these performance reviews that the colonel asked me to file?

06:16The performance reviews of every soldier on the base?

06:18Mm-hmm.

06:19I will go ahead and take care of that as well.

06:21Yeah, absolutely.

06:22Get that off your plate.

06:23You're the best.

06:24Oh.

06:25Uh, you guys are, um, well dismissed.

06:28I'm gonna go lay down.

06:30Okay.

06:30Bye, Gideon.

06:31Bye.

06:32All right.

06:33Let's see what the, uh, colonel has to say about me.

06:38Mm-hmm.

06:39All right.

06:40Um, Captain Maggie Quinn, da-da-da-da.

06:43Uh, standout officer.

06:45Mm-hmm.

06:46Uh, soldiers under her command gave her exemplary marks, which proves that she is overly concerned

06:50with being liked.

06:57What?

07:01So what?

07:01We're supposed to just sit here and watch Wally work?

07:03Yeah.

07:04Yeah, that's a good idea.

07:05We should sit.

07:06Oh.

07:06Sit down and relax.

07:09Unbelievable.

07:10Oh, Major Shaw.

07:11Uh-huh.

07:12Cheesy pup?

07:12I'm good.

07:14Uh, Shaw.

07:14Pop a squat.

07:15I'm gonna be standing.

07:17Okay.

07:18Ooh.

07:19That's weird.

07:20Our hero seems to be stuck in the mud.

07:23Help.

07:24Help.

07:25Help.

07:25That's funny.

07:26Help.

07:26Ruxo is stuck in the mud, and you know who's never been stuck in the mud?

07:29Me.

07:30Human me.

07:31For a human, you're not having much compassion right now.

07:33Imagine how scared he is out there.

07:35Scared?

07:35What are we gonna do?

07:37Yeah.

07:37We can't leave a man behind.

07:38That's like the one thing I know about the military.

07:40It's not a man.

07:41It's a machine that we're gonna be throwing away in the scrapyard very soon.

07:44Hello.

07:45Is this a 700-second EOD company?

07:46Betterment.

07:47Great.

07:47This is Major Abraham Shaw with USAG Stroopstorf.

07:51The robot that you're trying to replace me with is disabled in the field.

07:54Help me.

07:55Help me.

07:56Uh-huh.

07:57Okay.

07:57Yep.

07:58Mm-hmm.

07:59Yes.

08:00No, thank you, sir.

08:02Okay, so apparently Ruxo cost $2 million, and I have been ordered to rescue him because his life

08:07is worth more than mine.

08:07Oh, you said him.

08:09Mm-hmm.

08:10That was so cute.

08:12Oh!

08:23Hello, Father.

08:24You scared me.

08:25I almost grabbed my couch pistol.

08:26Just checking to see if you need anything.

08:29Maybe water, perhaps?

08:31Yeah, that'd be great, hon.

08:32Thanks.

08:33It's important to stay hydrated.

08:35Yeah.

08:37I can't.

08:38Why don't I fluff that pillow?

08:45Okay.

08:46Mm.

08:47Make sure you're comfortable.

08:48Yep.

08:49Ow!

08:50Ow!

08:51Ow!

08:53Ah!

08:56Is that better?

08:57Why are you going all full Kathy Bates in misery on me?

09:02I'm just being a little bit of a jerk.

09:05Ow!

09:05I don't care about being liked.

09:09You read your review.

09:10I read my review.

09:11That's classified.

09:12Ugh!

09:13Coming from the man who said classified?

09:15More like assified.

09:16Your problem is that you hem and haw when you're supposed to be giving a direct order because you're afraid

09:21about your soldier's healings.

09:23Feelings are a real thing and they don't need air quotes.

09:26And I happen to believe that a relaxed workplace is a productive workplace.

09:31Are you an army captain or the manager of a margaritaville?

09:34The people who work for you are not supposed to like you.

09:36Yes.

09:36They're supposed to hate you because you're the boss.

09:38Okay?

09:39Plus it's fun to be mean.

09:40You know what?

09:42You're right.

09:43What do you mean?

09:44Watch this.

09:46What the hell is that?

09:48Enjoy Real Housewives of Minnesota.

09:50Oh, no, no, no.

09:51No.

09:52These people, their accents are gonna sound even stupider when they're drunk.

09:57No!

10:02Help me.

10:03Help me.

10:03It's okay, Ruxo.

10:04Help's on its way.

10:06Stay strong, Ruxo.

10:07Major Sean looks like a ninja turtle that let himself go.

10:10What?

10:11Oh, I said you look like a ninja turtle that's let himself go, sir.

10:16You do, Major.

10:17You do.

10:18Approaching the extraction point.

10:20Help me.

10:20Don't worry, Ruxo.

10:21Step Daddy Sean is coming to save you.

10:24Okay.

10:25Ruxo, stop moving backwards.

10:27Advance towards me.

10:29I can dance.

10:30I said advance.

10:31I can dance.

10:33I said advance.

10:34I can dance.

10:35Listen to my words.

10:35You need to come towards me.

10:37Advance.

10:38Warning.

10:38Landmine detected.

10:40Okay.

10:42Warning.

10:43Landmine detected.

10:44Hey, guys.

10:44Hey, did Ruxo light in the mood with a funny joke?

10:46Yeah, we saw y'all dancing.

10:48He's so funny, right?

10:49I'm on a landmine.

10:51Warning.

10:52Landmine detected.

10:53I know!

10:55Specialist Gideon.

10:56You don't think I care too much about being liked, do you?

10:59This feels like a trap.

11:01Oh, no.

11:01I just want your honest feedback.

11:04Well, yeah, you do care too much about being liked.

11:08Okay.

11:10I appreciate that.

11:11I know it's hard to talk to a superior officer.

11:13Actually, since you asked, you wear too much deodorant.

11:16You slouch when you sit.

11:18Your taste in music is super dated.

11:20When you sing, there's no joy in your handwriting.

11:23It's super bubbly and immature.

11:25Okay.

11:25That's great.

11:26Thank you, Gideon.

11:27None of that was devastating.

11:29And you are dismissed.

11:30I need you to call Maggie, but don't tell her I'm in danger.

11:33I don't want to worry her.

11:34Just play it cool.

11:36But I don't want you to die.

11:38I don't want to see someone explode.

11:40Not again!

11:41Look, I don't want to die either.

11:42Just play it cool.

11:43That is an order.

11:45Okay.

11:50Captain Quinn.

11:51Hey, girl.

11:52How's my queen?

11:53I'm fine.

11:55What's up?

11:55So?

11:56Not an emergency.

11:58Yeah, we just found a landmine.

12:00Okay, but Shaw can defuse it?

12:03Shaw told me to call you.

12:04He said the landmine's from the World War II era.

12:07We need an expert in weaponry from that time.

12:08Do you know anybody?

12:10The T-30 heavy tank was designed to counter the German Tiger I,

12:16and Tiger II...

12:17This footage of the T-29, you morons.

12:20I gotta fact check everybody.

12:22No, no one's coming to mind.

12:24But I-I will find somebody for you guys.

12:26Well, I mean, take your time.

12:28Just grab some food if you want,

12:30maybe some sushi and some cold ones, and...

12:32Okay, girl, bye.

12:34Why would you tell her to stop for beers?

12:36I don't know.

12:38Shaw told me to play it cool, and I'm freaking out.

12:42Hold on, Shaw!

12:44Help is on the way!

12:45A-a-and!

12:46They're bringing beer!

12:49I am ready to serve.

12:50Beer.

12:54Dietrich.

12:54This is Maggie, Maggie, Dietrich.

12:56Jan, thank you so much for bringing your great uncle in to help us out.

13:00My absolute pleasure.

13:01You know, he has big-time World War II knowledge because he's old and he lived it.

13:05Yes, I even had to do with landmines.

13:09No way!

13:10He dealt first hand with the landmines!

13:13Oh!

13:13I'm so sorry to hear that.

13:15Did you lose somebody to a mine?

13:17No, no, no. But as a boy, I put it on my own.

13:38For this race?

13:40Was your Nazi superfan?

13:42Yes.

13:43Okay.

13:45I wanted them to be good because they had the good chocolate.

13:49Okay, so, yes. Basically, he wanted the Nazis to like him.

13:52He wanted the Nazis to like him.

13:54Yeah, because they had a good chocolate, you know.

13:56Ja.

13:56Uh, Jan?

13:58You can ask your great uncle to get off the base and never, ever, ever come back.

14:03Om Dietrich.

14:04Kom.

14:05Let's get you some chocolate.

14:06Ah, op.

14:07De echte chocolate?

14:08Go chocolate.

14:09Ja.

14:10I'm so sorry.

14:13Hey.

14:14Listen.

14:15After hanging out with a man who was once a boy who helped a Nazi, I am realizing the perils

14:20of needing to be liked.

14:22Tale as old as time.

14:23And you are gonna help me disarm a World War II landmine.

14:27That's how you give an order.

14:30Okay.

14:30I like it.

14:31Let's roll.

14:32And when I say let's roll, I mean I'm gonna roll over and the adrenaline's gonna kick in and I'm

14:37gonna stand up.

14:38Give up.

14:38And go.

14:42Oh.

14:43Ha ha.

14:44No adrenaline.

14:45Uh.

14:45Oh my God.

14:46We're gonna make it a FaceTime.

14:47Okay?

14:47Okay.

14:48Excuse me.

14:49In my own life, I am always cautious.

14:52I mean, I literally ran away from the woman that I love.

14:56And that's why I'm standing here right now.

14:58I mean, I played it safe once again.

15:00And now, I am about to die.

15:04Warning.

15:04Landmine detected.

15:05You said it, brother.

15:06Shaw!

15:07Maggie's here!

15:07It's gonna be okay now!

15:09Hey.

15:10Dad, can you, uh...

15:11Can you see?

15:12Maggie, I can't hear you.

15:13You're on mute.

15:14Maggie!

15:15Oh, wait.

15:16My volume was off.

15:17Yep.

15:17All right.

15:18Thank God you're here.

15:18I-I'm-I'm trying to think of the cool way to say this.

15:22Uh, so Shaw...

15:24Standing on landmine.

15:25Shaw's on the landmine.

15:27Shaw!

15:28Don't move!

15:29Trust me!

15:30I won't!

15:31Okay.

15:32I can dance.

15:34I can dance.

15:35Rexall was more of a dancer than an emergency responder.

15:39No shade to Rexall.

15:40Oh, no, no.

15:40Not at all.

15:41We need more artists in the world.

15:43Now more than ever.

15:44Shaw!

15:45I'm coming!

15:46Maggie, what are you doing?

15:47Maggie, we can't let you go out there!

15:50Oh, my God.

15:50Is that what we should have done?

15:52Should we have done that?

15:53I mean, I'm holding the walkie.

16:02Hi.

16:04Hi.

16:06Uh...

16:07I'm-I'm...

16:08I-I wanted to make sure you're okay.

16:10Yeah.

16:10Maggie, what the hell are you thinking?

16:13Yeah.

16:14And I'm muting.

16:16Guys, I can't see anything.

16:18What's going on?

16:18Okay, so how do we, um...

16:20Get-get you...

16:21Listen.

16:22I've been doing a lot of thinking out here.

16:24And Ruxa was a very good listener.

16:27I've played it safe my whole life.

16:28And I still ended up right here.

16:30About to explode.

16:33And while I've been standing on this landmine,

16:34The only thing that is going through my head over...

16:37And over again is that...

16:40I never got a chance to do this.

16:53I want to stay like this forever.

16:55We probably should.

16:57Because any more movement on top of this landmine is not a good idea.

17:02Landmine.

17:03Landmine.

17:04Okay.

17:05Okay.

17:05Dad, we need you.

17:06There you are.

17:07Listen.

17:07Sha, we just need to know what kind of a mine we're dealing with.

17:10So when you stepped on it...

17:12To make a tick-tick sound, or a ker-ker-ker, or a click-clack.

17:17A click-clack.

17:18Ah, okay.

17:19Dealing with a German Teller mine.

17:21You're lucky it wasn't a Bouncing Betty, which they used at the beginning of the war,

17:24Like in the Sauer Offensive, and then they used it again at the...

17:26Shut up!

17:27Tell us what to do with this mine!

17:29You're really only being a jerk.

17:31I like it.

17:32Get to the point!

17:35All right.

17:36OXO team, listen up.

17:37This is big time.

17:38I need absolute perfection from you, or else this could end in disaster.

17:43Do you understand me?

17:45Sure.

17:46I said, do you understand me?

17:48Yes, ma'am!

17:49The ruder she is, the more I want to listen to her.

17:51Me too.

17:52Now, with this era of mine, you've got to dig around the plate parameter.

17:56And I'm gonna stabilize Shaw to make sure he doesn't shift off the mine.

18:02Yeah.

18:02You know, that's not really necessary.

18:04Okay, well, you're not here.

18:06So...

18:07Okay.

18:08Okay, almost...

18:08River exposed.

18:09All right, and I got mud on my hands.

18:11But I don't care.

18:12I'm working through.

18:13Good.

18:14Now, you loosen that hinge, and you cut the red wire.

18:20Cut the red wire.

18:22Yep.

18:22My life is a movie.

18:24I am the hero.

18:25Now, I'm gonna get the girl.

18:27I better not be the girl.

18:28Okay, back in the movie.

18:28Back in the movie, okay?

18:29Red wire.

18:36Okay.

18:36Good.

18:37Okay.

18:40Now...

18:41Yeah.

18:42Ready?

19:01Hey, stop jumping, guys.

19:02Stop jumping.

19:04He's right.

19:05He's right.

19:05No jumping.

19:06Okay, no more jumping.

19:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.

19:08How about that?

19:10Sucker was a dud the whole time.

19:12Oh, look at Ruxo stretching his legs.

19:14Now that he's out of the mood.

19:15I can't believe we were freaking out.

19:17There was no danger!

19:20Oh!

19:28Yeah, I'm leaving the Uxo team.

19:31Oh, oh!

19:32Oh!

19:39Wow, I mean, so much for Minnesota Nights.

19:42I know, right?

19:42I mean, these housewives are vicious.

19:44The last episode?

19:45Nora bit Laney.

19:47Bit?

19:48Bitter.

19:49Twice.

19:49Aw, I like Laney.

19:50It's awesome, I love it.

19:51Hey, listen, hey, I already said this once today,

19:53but you were right.

19:55I was too worried about needing to be liked,

19:57and I actually am feeling myself as a leader.

20:01Good.

20:01You're my kid,

20:02so you're inherently better than other people.

20:04You shouldn't be tiptoeing around that fact.

20:06Just kick ass, take names.

20:08And just be a jerk to everybody but you.

20:10No, you're good.

20:11There we go.

20:12Yeah, I can do that.

20:13And to you.

20:16Yup.

20:40Okay.

20:42Ruxo.

20:43When I first met you, I thought you were a glorified Roomba.

20:47I was wrong.

20:48You were a good friend in my time of need.

20:52Changed my life.

20:55For this, I am forever indebted to you.

20:59I can dance.

21:03Yeah, you can.

21:05And he'll dance in robot heaven.

21:07You bet he will.

21:08Yeah, he will.

21:09And now, Ruxo will be laid to rest in a place of honor.

21:14The good dumpster.

21:15The one that doesn't smell as bad.

21:35It's going so well.

21:37You don't want alright you guys.

21:38Yeah.

21:39Fullest football.

21:39I am ready for dinner.

21:40Why?

21:40Before the obscures and my life.

21:42You don't even know.

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