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The Miniature Wife S01E01 2 (2026) | Marriage Turns Into Unexpected Chaos 💔😂 Full Episode
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00:00:06this is a love story love it's supposed to be patient and kind but let's be honest it's
00:00:16irrational it can make us crazy and sometimes downright insane I should know my husband made
00:00:25me small no it's not a metaphor he made me six inches tall I'm literally the size of a dry
00:00:42martini shaken stirred and nursing the burn of every sip even at our ugliest I still believe
00:00:53our love's worth fighting for a fair warning it's going to get worse before it gets better
00:01:05to us to us to recapturing magic to the journey not the destination it's a dr. Carmichael couples
00:01:20therapist extraordinaire to her words of wisdom it's speaking of the journey it was so bumpy
00:01:28yeah a few potholes yeah yeah checked into separate rooms um but I am working through my narcissistic
00:01:37tendencies and I am working on my accountability issues and here we are we made it got to the next
00:01:45stop dr. Carmichael's new year new us colon a grand gesture I'd like to go first okay great
00:02:02I've arranged to get the vermont gang back together at the gray house on new year's eve for our
00:02:06anniversary so we can renew our vows new year new us I'm speechless we were so happy there
00:02:20really really are Gary and Matt going to be there they're giving up Cabo Lulu our daughter
00:02:26has not returned my call oh she's 18 she will they don't do phones always send a text okay okay
00:02:31my turn
00:02:32okay this will be but the last Christmas that we spend in St. Louis because I have listed our house
00:02:40with the contingency to run it back from the bio through next December I am going to land this big
00:02:45fish and tomorrow I'm going to get Elder Smith to bankroll the final stage of my life's work so
00:02:50that in one year Lindy we can move back to the gray house permanently like I promised years ago
00:02:58clean slate and a fresh start I supported you and you got your prize and all I ask is that
00:03:06for one
00:03:06more year you support me so I can get mine are you serious the listing went up today
00:03:19is this real very
00:03:29less I love you
00:03:31I love you
00:03:32I love you too
00:03:42thank you thank you for inviting me back into our bed
00:04:09how does one solve the problem
00:04:12of feeding the world only less little John knows now what if we could take say an ear of corn
00:04:20and shrink it to a fraction of its original size just imagine a farmer could grow 10
00:04:27a hundred a thousand ears of corn in the space it takes to grow one but how does cellular reduction
00:04:34work my revolutionary molecular transformation process fundamentally changes the distance between
00:04:41atoms oh the real question is can you restore the corn cob to regular size after it's been
00:04:47miniaturized not only can we do it we will do it together Hilton Smith we can make more with less
00:04:55that's L E S I'll take it from here less okay now it's time to blow your minds
00:05:12you call this the mini barn card no one calls it that it's just me see I grew up on
00:05:18a farm
00:05:19richard sorry I got excited
00:05:32richard sorry I got excited
00:05:46I'm gonna call this the future.
00:06:03I am fucking amazed.
00:06:08It's a corner, it's a truck, look how tiny it is, it's being tiny, it's incredible.
00:06:13I got you.
00:06:14You did, you really did, you really did.
00:06:16That's crazy.
00:06:17Oh, amazed me again.
00:06:19Make it big, I wanna taste it.
00:06:23Oh, a big corn takes a big investment.
00:06:25Oh, there he is.
00:06:26Money man chiming in.
00:06:28Go on.
00:06:29You know, Flavor Saver was a huge step forward.
00:06:33It was the first and the best GMO tomato on the market.
00:06:37But it was a failure.
00:06:38Well, no, it wasn't.
00:06:41It was a breakthrough, but it tasted like old band-aids.
00:06:44Admit it.
00:06:44No, I don't think I'm loyal.
00:06:47Admit it or walk.
00:06:50No.
00:06:55Fuck yeah!
00:06:56You should never admit failure.
00:06:58I got you.
00:06:59Yes, you did, Hilton, but this agrotech is going to change the world.
00:07:05Jinx?
00:07:06And just think, this is only the beginning.
00:07:08Sorry, who are you?
00:07:09Vivian, Hilton's chief scientist.
00:07:11I'm the guts.
00:07:12I just write the checks.
00:07:13She's...
00:07:14The brains.
00:07:14And my guts never make mistakes.
00:07:17I mean, I would write you a check right now.
00:07:21But for some reason, I'm just not feeling yummy in my tummy.
00:07:29You.
00:07:30Me?
00:07:31Who are you?
00:07:33Is this a true question?
00:07:34I don't know.
00:07:35Is it?
00:07:36Well, who are you?
00:07:38I'm awesome.
00:07:39I'm Hilton.
00:07:40Well, I'm awesome.
00:07:41I'm less.
00:07:44Yeah, I'm gonna need more.
00:07:46Yeah.
00:07:52You liked it?
00:07:54Yeah, I'm gonna lose my house.
00:08:13Hey.
00:08:15Hey.
00:08:16Uh, something quietly revealed itself to me.
00:08:20Oh?
00:08:21What's that?
00:08:22Maria's staff pick.
00:08:23My rainbow starts with black.
00:08:25It's a Pulitzer Prize winning novel.
00:08:27By the one, the only, Lindy McMichael Littlejohn.
00:08:32That's a lifetime ago.
00:08:34Uh-uh.
00:08:35Eighteen years and still a fanfave?
00:08:37Listen, Richie.
00:08:39Um, we need to talk.
00:08:42Uh-oh.
00:08:43No.
00:08:44No.
00:08:44Yeah.
00:08:45No, we've just begun.
00:08:47Richie.
00:08:48Hold on.
00:08:48This is just the first act.
00:08:50Not turn this into a tragedy.
00:08:52Tragedy's a better story.
00:08:54Oh, I wish they had a section on how to repair an emotional affair.
00:08:59Listen, you really saw me when I needed it the most.
00:09:03I did.
00:09:04Yeah.
00:09:05And you really gave me that emotional intimacy that I grieved, you know?
00:09:10Mm-hmm.
00:09:11You were a great shoulder.
00:09:13Mm-hmm.
00:09:13An ear.
00:09:14Mm-hmm.
00:09:14You're so handsome.
00:09:16Young.
00:09:17Smart.
00:09:18Oh, stop it.
00:09:19And maybe in another life, but...
00:09:21But I fell in love.
00:09:24And you?
00:09:25I fell in Les.
00:09:27Hell yes.
00:09:28Yeah.
00:09:28Why?
00:09:30Les knows the real me.
00:09:32The worst of me.
00:09:33And he...
00:09:34He still loves me.
00:09:36I could love the worst of you.
00:09:37No.
00:09:38Yeah?
00:09:38He has 20 years on you, and you've known me, like, a few months.
00:09:41Six and a half.
00:09:44Les...
00:09:45He made a grand gesture, and he promised me a fresh start, and I believe him.
00:09:51Why?
00:09:52No, no, no.
00:09:53Actually, don't say.
00:09:54Love should remain a mystery.
00:09:57My mom told me that.
00:09:59Okay.
00:10:01I'm gonna go.
00:10:02Wait, wait, wait.
00:10:03This...
00:10:04Oh, God, no, no.
00:10:04I got you this Christmas present.
00:10:06Absolutely cannot accept this.
00:10:08You must, or it means our love was in vain.
00:10:10Shh, shh, shh, not love.
00:10:11Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:10:11Just open the card first.
00:10:14There is no need to thank me.
00:10:16Okay.
00:10:31Merry Christmas, my love!
00:10:34In anticipation of the new you, new you, and new us, I thought this would be a great start.
00:10:39Open the present.
00:10:41I'll wait.
00:10:52I hate this rag.
00:10:53I know you hate this rag.
00:10:55I know you hate this rag, but I knew you'd never send it in yourself.
00:10:58Give it a quick read.
00:10:59See if you recognize it.
00:11:02Oh, Richie.
00:11:04No, no, no, no.
00:11:05What have you done?
00:11:06I pretend it to be your book agent.
00:11:08Your story is gonna be in the New Yorker.
00:11:12No.
00:11:13I didn't write this.
00:11:15I'm fucked.
00:11:16I know it's overwhelming, and I'm sure you don't-
00:11:19Holy fuck, Richie!
00:11:22No, no, no!
00:11:23Oh, my fuck.
00:11:25Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.
00:11:26Oh, bitch, pick up.
00:11:28Pick up.
00:11:28Hi, this is Terry.
00:11:29Leave a message.
00:11:30Terry!
00:11:31Oh, fuck.
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:32There is a story.
00:11:34There's a story in New Yorker with my name on it.
00:11:36And I need you to call me back.
00:11:38This is an emergency.
00:11:39For serious this time, call me back.
00:11:53Shut the door.
00:11:55Why?
00:11:55Because I want to raise my voice.
00:11:58Jesus jumping crackers.
00:12:00Why would you invite Hilton to your charity event at your home tonight?
00:12:05Because he wants to know who I am.
00:12:06But Lindy will be there.
00:12:08And?
00:12:08I'm sorry.
00:12:09Am I the only one that remembers last year?
00:12:11The silent auction?
00:12:13The pool incident?
00:12:14And you're still serving alcohol this year, right?
00:12:16Count me out.
00:12:17I'm sorry.
00:12:18I cannot watch.
00:12:21I don't think that my heart or my stomach can tolerate another interaction with him.
00:12:27But we are broke.
00:12:29And here's all we have.
00:12:31There are no more interested investors less with Hilton's kind of cash.
00:12:36You know what?
00:12:36Lindy and I are fine now.
00:12:38We're good, even.
00:12:40And we're renewing our vows.
00:12:41New year, new-
00:12:42New us!
00:12:42Yes!
00:12:43You said that last year.
00:12:44This year it's gonna stick.
00:12:45You sleeping in the same bed?
00:12:46Yes.
00:12:47Just sleeping?
00:12:48Sleeping plus.
00:12:50Big plus?
00:12:51Small plus.
00:12:52It'd feel so much better if it was big.
00:12:54We're on the road to big.
00:12:55I promise you.
00:12:56Um, okay.
00:12:58Lindy, it's me!
00:12:59It's me calling you.
00:13:01Um, I'm not panicking, but just call me back before the party, okay?
00:13:04It's not an emergency, but it's an emergency!
00:13:06Oh, oh, oh!
00:13:07So sorry, sir.
00:13:07Um, my, uh, my polyp is gone.
00:13:10Yeah, but there's a hole in my heart now.
00:13:12Sounds like a case for the Bard's Guard.
00:13:14So I'll be unable to attend your party this evening.
00:13:17Our loss.
00:13:17Good luck, Richard.
00:13:42You're not Jackie.
00:13:42I'm Hell.
00:13:44Don't make me raise it.
00:13:45Who are you?
00:13:46I'm Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:47Jackie's professor.
00:13:48Did she leave for break already?
00:13:49Have I missed her?
00:13:50I hope not, because I'm her fucking ride.
00:13:53Jackie!
00:13:54Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:55Yeah, Lindy!
00:13:56You should call me Lindy.
00:13:57Oh, uh, Hell, uh, Professor Littlejohn is the reason that I'm here.
00:14:02Oh, you wrote that book she loves.
00:14:04I didn't read it.
00:14:05No offense.
00:14:06None taken.
00:14:07Jackie, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:14:09Can we talk?
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11Just real quick.
00:14:12Oh, you mean without me?
00:14:13I do.
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:14Is it okay?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:15A bit rude.
00:14:16No offense, but...
00:14:17Sure.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:18It's just heaven.
00:14:20Okay.
00:14:21Um...
00:14:23Have I done something wrong, Professor Littlejohn?
00:14:25Oh, no, no.
00:14:26Gosh, no.
00:14:27No, I have.
00:14:28I have.
00:14:30I, um...
00:14:31I need to tell you something.
00:14:34Uh...
00:14:37I loved your short story.
00:14:41Untitled on purpose.
00:14:42Oh, that's the one.
00:14:43Yeah, I loved it.
00:14:44It was brilliant.
00:14:45Uh, the prose was incisive.
00:14:47Oh, just the voice.
00:14:49Fresh.
00:14:49Distinguished.
00:14:50Rare.
00:14:51One that deserves the attention of the New York literati.
00:14:57I mean, that means the world to me, Professor Littlejohn.
00:15:01It's almost Christmas and you're at my door complimenting my work.
00:15:04I...
00:15:04Oh my gosh, I couldn't ask for a better day.
00:15:05Okay, listen to me.
00:15:06Listen to me.
00:15:06Yes.
00:15:07You need to turn it into a novel.
00:15:09Right.
00:15:10Now.
00:15:12Now.
00:15:13Really?
00:15:14Really now.
00:15:15Mm-hmm.
00:15:16Um...
00:15:16I guess I could get started over the break.
00:15:19No, you need to take next semester off.
00:15:20And just write.
00:15:21The whole...
00:15:23semester.
00:15:24The whole semester.
00:15:24You just want to isolate and write.
00:15:27While it's fresh.
00:15:28While it's here.
00:15:29While Untitled on Purpose is coursing through you.
00:15:32Right?
00:15:33Yes, I feel it.
00:15:33Okay, so you need to isolate and write.
00:15:35Uh, no distractions.
00:15:36No internet.
00:15:37No novels.
00:15:38No magazines.
00:15:39No, uh...
00:15:40Nothing.
00:15:41Right?
00:15:41Nothing.
00:15:42And just all winter long.
00:15:43A very room of one's own.
00:15:45Right.
00:15:45Wolf it.
00:15:46Could you do that?
00:15:48Yes.
00:15:48Well, how's dad?
00:15:50My Uncle Flip.
00:15:50He has a cabin back in Montana that's super...
00:15:53Isolated.
00:15:54Walden Pond isolated.
00:15:55That's perfect.
00:15:56Right?
00:15:56Yes.
00:15:57Jackie.
00:15:59This has the potential to be your...
00:16:02My rainbow starts with black.
00:16:04No.
00:16:05Professor Little John, it...
00:16:07It couldn't.
00:16:07Jackie.
00:16:08I should know.
00:16:10My goal in life is to just write one...
00:16:14One great novel like you.
00:16:16That's okay.
00:16:17So we're agreed.
00:16:19You're gonna isolate and write.
00:16:20Yes.
00:16:20All semester.
00:16:21All semester.
00:16:22You're going to Montana.
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:24Remember, no magazines.
00:16:25None.
00:16:25None.
00:16:26You don't want any?
00:16:27Uh-uh.
00:16:27Just turn off the internet.
00:16:29Okay?
00:16:30I will unplug completely.
00:16:31Yes.
00:16:32Okay.
00:16:33Hey.
00:16:33Merry Christmas.
00:16:34Merry Christmas.
00:16:35To you too.
00:16:59Oh.
00:17:00Terry!
00:17:01Thank Christ.
00:17:02Okay, listen.
00:17:03I...
00:17:03There are ten minutes.
00:17:05Blindsiding me with one short story published in the New Yorker over the last two decades gets you one.
00:17:09The fact that we've been friends for more than 20 years gets you another.
00:17:12And the other eight belong to Gillian Flynn.
00:17:14He continues to publish bestsellers, which bought me a classic six off the park.
00:17:19I didn't write the story! It's my students' work.
00:17:24My ex-emotional lover. Long story.
00:17:28Found the fucking story in my bag and thought it was mine, and why would I correct him, you know?
00:17:33He sent it in without my knowledge on my behalf because he, long story, adored me and thought I was
00:17:41capable of writing something great again.
00:17:42I'm taking a sabbatical from Wash U. I'm headed to the Grey House. Les and I are going to renew
00:17:47our vows.
00:17:48Long story. You're invited. I know you hate him.
00:17:51I did too, but he has a good dad, and I'm committed to committing to my marriage.
00:17:57So, I cannot handle this shitstorm right now, which is sure, by the way, to tarnish your reputation as well.
00:18:05So if you want to keep that classic six, then can you please, please, fix this fucking mess so I
00:18:12can focus on my vows and my marriage like I promised?
00:18:15I hate you.
00:18:17I know!
00:18:18I hate me too!
00:18:20Thank you!
00:18:20Thank you!
00:18:21No, you're not allowed to thank me.
00:18:28Oliver!
00:18:47Les has been calling. I've been texting.
00:18:49And I have been busy.
00:18:50Les needs you on best behavior tonight. Hilton Smith is attending.
00:18:55Condescending as always, Starla.
00:18:57And who?
00:18:58Necessary, and he is a big investor.
00:19:01You know, I thought the cover was on the pool last year.
00:19:03Right? You know that.
00:19:04Great!
00:19:05You already picked up the first frame to me.
00:19:06I did.
00:19:06Yep.
00:19:07It's locked.
00:19:08I know.
00:19:10Is this another party protest?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12Hilton is here in five.
00:19:13Starla.
00:19:14Your dress is upstairs. I need you inside.
00:19:15Now.
00:19:16What dress?
00:19:17Les had me assess your wardrobe situation, and we both agreed that the only option was to outsource an upgrade.
00:19:22Insulting?
00:19:24And what if I hate it?
00:19:25Your futures are on the line.
00:19:27He said to me, quote,
00:19:29No new year, new us without new money.
00:19:31Unquote.
00:19:32So please, just move.
00:19:34Get out of the car.
00:19:36Now!
00:19:37Goodbye, Starla.
00:19:38I will have the valet physically remove you.
00:19:43I need a minute!
00:19:46One minute!
00:19:49You need a Hulk out front?
00:19:51Stat.
00:19:56I'll have to jump back off.
00:20:05That's the word again.
00:20:05You're fat.
00:20:08It's a good one.
00:20:08You're fat.
00:20:08You're fat.
00:20:08You're fat.
00:20:09I'll have to go away.
00:20:09No more.
00:20:11You're fat.
00:20:12I won't let you go.
00:20:17You're fat.
00:20:17You're fat.
00:20:18You're fat.
00:20:18You're fat.
00:20:19You're fat.
00:20:20Tell me what Les is working on. This is the cover of Scientific American.
00:20:24He tells me nothing else.
00:20:27And you never ask. Bullshit, Luffy.
00:20:30I have printed that same quote from you ten times over the years.
00:20:32All I'll say is First Rule of Fight Club.
00:20:35Lean and outdated.
00:20:37Just like Scientific American.
00:20:39Let's get in.
00:20:49Vodka dry.
00:20:54Oh, thank you.
00:21:07Big Red has landed.
00:21:10Where's Lindy?
00:21:11I need eyes on Lady Tomato.
00:21:13Helton?
00:21:13Give me a 20 on Deep Pockets.
00:21:16Double negative.
00:21:17Big Red is not happy.
00:21:18I know amazing style when I see it.
00:21:21Oh, this is a facade.
00:21:24Oh, well, the facade is working.
00:21:27I'm teetering on the precipice of being outed as a fraud.
00:21:31Which I probably deserve.
00:21:34I'm supposed to be the supportive wife.
00:21:38But my career going up in flames is banging around my brain.
00:21:42That's all I can hear.
00:21:44What does your husband think about that?
00:21:45Oh, he has no clue.
00:21:47He's a fraud, too.
00:21:49Is that so?
00:21:50Oh, welcome, everyone.
00:21:55Every year, I say I'm going to keep it short and that this night is not about me.
00:22:00It's about the children.
00:22:02And tonight, I'm actually going to keep that promise.
00:22:04But, you know, let's be honest, it has to be about me first, because you're all here to bid on
00:22:09my stuff.
00:22:11Well, he's just playing the role of a charitable philanthropist.
00:22:17But all he really cares about is his life's work.
00:22:20First, himself second, our daughter third, and me last.
00:22:24Which I probably deserve.
00:22:25Well, just curious, what do you think about his life's work?
00:22:30And a very personal little ditty about Jack and Diane.
00:22:34My John Cougar Mellencamp Velcro wallet with my high school ID still inside.
00:22:40Huh?
00:22:41Where else are you going to get one of those?
00:22:43I can't tell you that.
00:22:46It's so top secret, actually.
00:22:48I have no idea what it is.
00:22:50Hold on a second.
00:22:50My top elf is really trying to tell me something.
00:22:54Maybe tomato in the frando at Deepak is two drinks and third on deck.
00:22:57You're fucking joking, aren't you?
00:22:58You're fucking fired.
00:22:59I'll turn to my headset.
00:23:03But I can tell you, he's brilliant.
00:23:08Don't tell him I said that.
00:23:11Yeah.
00:23:11I mean, I'm already last.
00:23:13You know, what's after last?
00:23:16Not much.
00:23:17So, yeah, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, and hopefully that covers it all.
00:23:24Okay.
00:23:26Less?
00:23:27Five minutes.
00:23:27No.
00:23:28Two.
00:23:28One.
00:23:28Later.
00:23:29Maybe.
00:23:29Done.
00:23:30Oh, everybody was up.
00:23:31Stop.
00:23:32Stop.
00:23:32Stop.
00:23:32I'm just explaining to this gentleman why there's no outdoor access this holiday season.
00:23:36So, as a joke, last year, I put into the silent auction.
00:23:40As a joke, watch Almighty Les walk on.
00:23:43Water.
00:23:44I thought the cover was on the pool.
00:23:46Oh.
00:23:46It was out.
00:23:47I'm so sorry.
00:23:48You get it.
00:23:48Hilton, I'm so sorry.
00:23:50I just want to say I'm so sorry.
00:23:51Well, I pay right now to see that.
00:23:53Awesome.
00:23:54Les.
00:23:55If you can walk on water, you got my money.
00:23:58Were you being serious?
00:24:00No.
00:24:00No.
00:24:01Oh, great.
00:24:02So, I can still get the money?
00:24:04After the conversation with your wife, I don't know.
00:24:09Hi, Hilton.
00:24:10I didn't know.
00:24:11Okay, Linty.
00:24:11Why don't you just not say anything and maybe go and get us a lot of drinks?
00:24:16Okay.
00:24:16So, Hilton, I don't know what she said.
00:24:18Well, she said that you put work first, family third, and her did last.
00:24:22That's out of context.
00:24:24What kind of man are you?
00:24:25I know.
00:24:26I just, I can't explain.
00:24:27I can't explain.
00:24:31You never explain anything.
00:24:33I got you.
00:24:34Again.
00:24:35Again.
00:24:36You suck at this.
00:24:37I do, I do, I do.
00:24:38So, just to be clear, Linty didn't tank the deal.
00:24:41She closed it.
00:24:42Now she's awesome.
00:24:44Workaholics, they changed the world.
00:24:46I'm a workaholic.
00:24:47I should know.
00:24:49Okay, okay.
00:24:50Thank you so much.
00:24:50Thank you so much.
00:24:51I want to go to work right away.
00:24:52Like, fuck the holidays.
00:24:53Yeah, put it on my Christmas card every year.
00:24:55Yeah, you really see me.
00:24:57We both do.
00:24:58Oh, it's you again.
00:24:59Hilton's chief scientist.
00:25:01Oh, the brains.
00:25:02And the boots.
00:25:03The boots?
00:25:03The boots on the ground.
00:25:04What do the boots do?
00:25:05The boots ensure that my guts are never wrong.
00:25:09The boots are part of the deal.
00:25:12I'm all in.
00:25:13Are you?
00:25:14Awesome.
00:25:14Bless.
00:25:21Fine, just tell me.
00:25:23I'm melting down.
00:25:25Because I fucked the deal.
00:25:26No, I closed the deal.
00:25:27I closed the deal.
00:25:28Fantastic.
00:25:29No.
00:25:29What do you mean no?
00:25:31That's so great.
00:25:32Oh, my God.
00:25:32I was so worried.
00:25:34No, no, no.
00:25:34Now, I am saddled with one of Hilton's network of bio spies.
00:25:38His chief scientist is going to come in, and she's going to take credit for my work.
00:25:42And all of this will have been for nothing.
00:25:44I will be nothing.
00:25:45My legacy will be nothing.
00:25:47I shall go to the grave without a Nobel.
00:25:49You know, this was my last chance at greatness.
00:25:53God.
00:25:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, come on, you remember Joan Ryan?
00:26:03Huh?
00:26:05Yeah, my nemesis at MIT.
00:26:06That's right.
00:26:07You were convinced that the PhD board was going to pick her over you, and you were going to
00:26:13be relegated to just a footnote in the science community, or some other science bad thing,
00:26:17right?
00:26:18But what actually happened, Les?
00:26:22They chose me.
00:26:23They chose you.
00:26:25And where's Joan Ryan?
00:26:27Teaching at Berkeley.
00:26:31And where are you?
00:26:32In St. Louis.
00:26:34But why?
00:26:34Oh, uh, to give the finger to those ungrateful pricks at Monsanto, and to build the Menlo
00:26:41Park of the Midwest.
00:26:42And how?
00:26:43How?
00:26:43Because I am a partner in my own company, creating the bio-agrotech that will change the
00:26:48world.
00:26:48That's right.
00:26:48Yeah.
00:26:49You're going to change the world.
00:26:52And you are.
00:26:54I've always believed that.
00:26:56Even when you hated me?
00:26:57Oh.
00:27:00Especially when I hated you.
00:27:02So what do I do?
00:27:04You do what you always do.
00:27:06You get back in the workshop, and you figure it out.
00:27:11That's what Les Littlejohn does.
00:27:14Yeah.
00:27:14Right?
00:27:15Yeah.
00:27:16Right.
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:18Okay.
00:27:20That's it.
00:27:22Thank you, Lydie.
00:27:24Thank you for being so understanding.
00:27:27Oh, God.
00:27:29So now I've got to get back in the workshop, and let's move our renewing our vows to next
00:27:34year.
00:27:34That's a fantastic idea.
00:27:35Les?
00:27:36No, I didn't.
00:27:36What?
00:27:37Huh?
00:27:37That's what you said, right?
00:27:39Huh?
00:27:40Did I?
00:27:41Yeah.
00:27:42Gary and Meg.
00:27:43Oh, Gary and Meg would much prefer to go to Cabo.
00:27:45Let's send them something.
00:27:46Sign my name.
00:27:46No, no, no.
00:27:47That will be so humiliating.
00:27:48Don't worry.
00:27:49Don't worry.
00:27:49I'll tell Lulu that she can just go skiing with her friends like she wanted.
00:27:51So I'll see you when I see you.
00:27:53I'll be back when I'm back.
00:27:53And I love you, and I can't wait for New Year.
00:27:57New us next year.
00:27:58Whoa.
00:28:08Is he fucking kidding me?
00:28:28Lindy?
00:28:29Hi, Richie.
00:28:31Um, I made a mistake, and I'm leaving Les tonight.
00:28:37I hear the emotion in your voice, and it's beautiful.
00:28:40I've been hoping for a Christmas miracle.
00:28:41Yeah, I'm going to go to Vermont.
00:28:43I'm going to go to the Grey House, and I, um, could you, could you come with me?
00:28:48Where you finished your masterpiece.
00:28:50I'd be honored to be invited.
00:28:52A gift beyond measure.
00:28:53I have ten vacation days and one personal day bagged, and, oh.
00:28:57Heart emoji.
00:28:59Let's meet at Mandy's Diner at midnight.
00:29:02Heart emoji bag.
00:29:03I'll arrive with joy in my step and a light in my heart.
00:29:07Did you love my present?
00:29:08Fuck.
00:29:09Pardon?
00:29:09Yeah, I didn't have the heart to open it, so, um, I'll just bring it with me, okay?
00:29:18New year, new you, new us.
00:29:21Oh, is Vermont cold?
00:29:22I can...
00:29:43Everybody out in 30 minutes, or Hulk is going to see me smash.
00:29:49Iceberg ahead, 30 clicks.
00:29:51Abandoned ship.
00:29:52Lady Tomato about to burst.
00:29:53Hey, hey, hey.
00:29:55Les promised me a minute.
00:29:59I'll give you 20.
00:30:02I'll give you 20.
00:30:18Excuse me?
00:30:19I thought the boots up my ass might start after the holidays.
00:30:23Martin signed the LOI ASAP, and Hilton turned on the money hose in good faith.
00:30:28I didn't sign.
00:30:28I'm a partner.
00:30:29Apparently not the important one.
00:30:32Oh.
00:30:33Well, now I'm inspired, and I would like you to leave.
00:30:37A genius needs his space.
00:30:40Exactly.
00:30:41And I plan on being inspired throughout the holidays.
00:30:44I know this is a difficult transition period.
00:30:46I'll give you tonight.
00:30:48But I will be back tomorrow.
00:30:51Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:30:58Fuck me.
00:31:01Fuck me.
00:31:07Fuck me.
00:31:15Fuck me.
00:31:18Fuck me.
00:31:18Fuck me.
00:31:19Fuck me.
00:31:20Fuck me.
00:31:21Fuck me.
00:31:22Fuck me.
00:31:23Fuck me.
00:31:24Fuck me.
00:31:25Fuck I'll give you a little bit of a hammer.
00:31:35Mills, I don't have time.
00:31:39She what?
00:32:02You're old, text me.
00:32:09Fuck you, too.
00:32:14Starla?
00:32:25Less?
00:32:25Freezers, off limits from now on until I say, I need to really
00:32:29group.
00:32:29Where are you going?
00:32:31I'm leaving you.
00:32:33If anyone should be leaving anyone, I should be leaving you.
00:32:35How's that?
00:32:36For trying to sabotage my career?
00:32:38Think I don't know?
00:32:39You don't think Nils would call me for comment, Lindy?
00:32:41Scientific American, not TMZ.
00:32:44I'm a hoax.
00:32:45I'm threatened by a female scientist taking credit for my work.
00:32:48You mentioned Joan.
00:32:50I'm not a misogynist.
00:32:52I'm not intentionally.
00:32:53If anything, I'm an accidental misogynist, and I too blame the patriarchy for that.
00:32:57I never said misogynist.
00:32:59Why would you do this?
00:33:00Why?
00:33:00You know why.
00:33:02Is it about Gary and Meg?
00:33:04This is about you, and our marriage, and breaking the promise of Step 3, a grand gesture,
00:33:11and our daughter who hates me sucking the life out of me and my promising writing career.
00:33:17Career?
00:33:18Stop!
00:33:19It was one book in the early aughts!
00:33:22This is what you did.
00:33:23You basically, you turned in a book report on your fucked up family, you changed the names,
00:33:27you added a little bit of wry sarcasm, and then you called it fiction, and you got lucky.
00:33:31Lucky.
00:33:32Lucky.
00:33:32My rainbow starts with black.
00:33:34No shit.
00:33:35My book report, and the subsequent Oscar-nominated film it's based on, bought and paid for this
00:33:42extravagantly sad McMansion in this podunk red state town you forced us to move to so that you could try
00:33:50to be something other than Mr. Fucking Tomato Head.
00:33:53This is the last thing I need right now.
00:33:55Oh my, I'm so sorry.
00:33:57What is it you need right now?
00:33:59I need you.
00:34:00Yeah, I need your support.
00:34:02This is my last chance.
00:34:04You already got your prize.
00:34:07And, in case you forgot, I was by your side for every fucking sentence.
00:34:12Every book signing, every interview, I held your purse, I held my tongue.
00:34:17You know, I was there for the ride.
00:34:18And it wasn't always pleasant.
00:34:20You know, the rollercoaster of insecurity and emotion was frankly fucking exhausting.
00:34:24I have paid that debt.
00:34:26I have been by your side for 15 years.
00:34:29You had flavor saver.
00:34:32And it was insufferable.
00:34:36Still is.
00:34:37But I didn't get my moment in the spotlight like you did.
00:34:40I didn't get my prize.
00:34:42Swing and a miss.
00:34:43How is it my fault?
00:34:46How?
00:34:47My apologies.
00:34:48Forgive me for being ambitious.
00:34:50Um, coasting by on a one hit wonder isn't enough for me.
00:34:54Maybe you don't have another hit in you.
00:34:56Huh?
00:34:56Maybe you're one and done.
00:34:58Maybe your ego just won't let you read the room.
00:35:00I would rather be blinded by my ego than paralyzed by fear.
00:35:04That's me?
00:35:04That's what you think of me?
00:35:05Yeah, because you haven't produced one goddamn sentence in 15 years!
00:35:09What kind of magic do you think you're suddenly gonna find in your beloved grey house?
00:35:12Huh?
00:35:13With me by your side, like an emotional support animal, encouraging you, keeping you calm,
00:35:18because, quote, I promise we'd return there one day, unquote.
00:35:21I mean, I am through being held emotionally hostage for your creative paralysis.
00:35:28And there it is everyone!
00:35:30That's our show.
00:35:32Same line every time.
00:35:41This is the top secret thing you've been working on?
00:35:44Give me that.
00:35:45Give me that.
00:35:45A Tonka truck is not gonna change the world, let alone agriculture as we know it.
00:35:51You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:35:52Jesus, this is what you said to every female scientist that's ever had a better idea.
00:35:55You know, most men overcompensate with a big truck.
00:35:59It's nice to see yours to scale.
00:36:01You know.
00:36:07What a gentleman!
00:36:09Oh, fuck.
00:36:10What?
00:36:11Oh no, Lindy.
00:36:13What the?
00:36:15Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:19Oh.
00:36:20Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:21Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:24Oh.
00:36:26Oh.
00:36:27Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:29Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:30Hey, can...
00:36:30Oh.
00:36:30Oh, jju-jju!
00:36:31Oh, God, is she dead?
00:36:40Lindy, say something.
00:36:42Are you alive?
00:36:44Oh, you're alive!
00:36:48Fuck you!
00:36:50Fuck you!
00:37:07Merry Christmas, I don't want to die tonight.
00:37:28Last...
00:37:28Oh, fuck.
00:37:36What time is that?
00:37:43Oh, my God.
00:37:59How much did I drink last night?
00:38:02Less?
00:38:07Why would you put the plaid back up?
00:38:10Oh, God, it's my eyes and my head.
00:38:18Oh, I'll try to change where it starts today.
00:38:26Oh, wow, that really cleaned up.
00:38:32Less?
00:38:38Who's at the door?
00:38:51What is this nonsense?
00:39:01No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:03Lindy?
00:39:04Everything is fine.
00:39:06Don't freak out.
00:39:16Lindy!
00:39:20Okay, I'm opening up the hallhouse!
00:39:23Stop screaming at me!
00:39:46There you are!
00:39:49You're okay!
00:39:52I am not!
00:39:56Okay!
00:39:57Can you hear me?
00:39:58I am not okay!
00:40:06I am not okay!
00:40:08It works!
00:40:08I can hear you!
00:40:10You're too loud!
00:40:12Sorry.
00:40:13Well, now I can't hear you.
00:40:15How about now?
00:40:16No, too loud.
00:40:18No.
00:40:19Softer.
00:40:20No.
00:40:21Better.
00:40:22I hate this fucking thing.
00:40:27Can you hear me now?
00:40:29Say again.
00:40:30Can you hear me now?
00:40:31Yes!
00:40:32Oh!
00:40:33Sorry.
00:40:33Sorry.
00:40:34I'm so sorry.
00:40:35Are you okay?
00:40:36I'm fine.
00:40:38I heard that.
00:40:38I think we got it.
00:40:41Hi.
00:40:43What the fuck, Les?
00:40:44I heard that too.
00:40:46Loud and clear.
00:40:47Okay.
00:40:48Mindy, I'm so sorry.
00:40:49It was an accident.
00:40:50And I can't believe it even happened.
00:40:53But you're incredible.
00:40:55I mean, you're beautiful.
00:41:01Are you smiling right now?
00:41:04No.
00:41:05No, no.
00:41:05No, of course not.
00:41:06I just...
00:41:08I...
00:41:08I just like, wow.
00:41:12Wow.
00:41:13Wow?
00:41:14Wow!
00:41:14No, I apologize.
00:41:16You're my wife and you're not experimentally.
00:41:18I should hope so!
00:41:20Jesus.
00:41:21Oh my God.
00:41:22This is your job?
00:41:24This how you're going to solve world hunger?
00:41:26You're going to make everybody tiny so...
00:41:29So they don't, what, eat more?
00:41:30I don't...
00:41:31Do you want me to answer that or...
00:41:34Explain it to me!
00:41:36Well, um...
00:41:38It's called cellular reduction.
00:41:40And, um, it's the process of miniaturization and restoration of organic fruit and vegetables.
00:41:46And that's how I plan to solve world hunger.
00:41:50Explain how you're going to make me big again!
00:41:52Jesus!
00:41:53I don't give a shit how it works!
00:41:55Oh, right.
00:41:55Well, I just reversed the process.
00:41:57That's the restoration part.
00:41:59Great!
00:42:01Restore me!
00:42:03Now, please!
00:42:04I can do that.
00:42:05Um, uh, but first, uh, a surprise!
00:42:09Meet me in the dining room.
00:42:14Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:42:16Les, do I look merry or hungry?
00:42:20Well, it's kind of hard to tell from this distance.
00:42:22I'm not.
00:42:23Make me big again now!
00:42:26Heard that loud and clear.
00:42:27Um, the thing is...
00:42:29Tell me you can make me big again, Les!
00:42:32I can, and I will.
00:42:33Um, the thing is that it's just, I think it's just going to take a day, uh, or two, tops.
00:42:39But you'll be fine.
00:42:41Everything's going to be okay.
00:42:42You're healthy.
00:42:43I checked your vitals.
00:42:44Wait, I could die?
00:42:46Tiny?
00:42:46No, you're not going to die, Tiny.
00:42:50You'll be safe in the dollhouse.
00:42:52Because it's almost exactly the same as our house house.
00:42:56Um, the stove works.
00:42:58The refrigerator works.
00:43:00There's food.
00:43:01The water runs.
00:43:02And I shrunk a few of your favorite things to really make you feel at home, home.
00:43:06Your clothes.
00:43:08From your closet.
00:43:10Um, and, uh, this curling thing.
00:43:14Um, and your hairbrush.
00:43:18Uh, cold cream.
00:43:21Looked important.
00:43:22Oh, and I remembered your coffee.
00:43:24And the coffee maker.
00:43:25Worked perfectly, right?
00:43:27Oh, one crucial thing.
00:43:28Um, the toilet.
00:43:29Uh, it works.
00:43:30I figured it out.
00:43:31Just don't ever look in the hall closet.
00:43:33Downstairs.
00:43:34Ever.
00:43:35You will be restored to regular size.
00:43:37I promise it.
00:43:38This is just temporary, Lindy.
00:43:39I am so close, truly.
00:43:42Now it's so close?
00:43:45Not a day or two tops?
00:43:48Less?
00:43:49You motherfucker!
00:43:52Hey, calm down.
00:43:57Calm fucking down.
00:44:01Oh!
00:44:04Oh!
00:44:18Hey, Lindy.
00:44:21I'm gonna need a minute!
00:44:25I don't want to be a little.
00:44:30Hey, it's been a way!
00:44:43You can...
00:44:44You can refilm the lady's cup, too.
00:44:47She's on her way, boy.
00:44:49She's gone back to her husband.
00:44:50No.
00:44:51They always do.
00:44:52Not this time.
00:44:53They don't do.
00:44:53Because we've got plans.
00:44:55Yep.
00:44:56We got concrete plans.
00:45:01How about a ten-day getaway to Vermont for two?
00:45:07Uber romantic.
00:45:15There are multiple reasons you could be late.
00:45:18No, I know Lindy's coming.
00:45:19Why, you may ask?
00:45:21Because our love story is woven into the fabric of time, destined to be written, immortalized
00:45:29for generations to come.
00:45:32Quiet, everybody, please.
00:45:34Quiet, please!
00:45:36Sorry.
00:45:37Oh.
00:45:38It's work.
00:45:39It's work.
00:45:42Hey, Martin.
00:45:44Well, I was going to head out of town, so...
00:45:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:45:49Of course, of course.
00:45:50I'll just head into the lab.
00:45:55No, I've not heard from us.
00:45:58Wait, what do you mean you can't get a hold of them?
00:46:02Yeah, okay, bye.
00:46:03Does this mean your romantic getaway is canceled?
00:46:07Bart, can I be honest?
00:46:08I love your service, but I don't love the negative energy.
00:46:15He's suffering?
00:46:21Take those off.
00:46:22I feel like a specimen.
00:46:24And come closer.
00:46:25I don't want to keep yelling.
00:46:30Jesus, the 96?
00:46:32If there was ever a time.
00:46:34I know why you didn't tell me about your work.
00:46:37Well, I couldn't.
00:46:38It was top secret.
00:46:39I signed an ironclad NDA.
00:46:41That's bullshit.
00:46:43You didn't trust me.
00:46:45Which makes me so...
00:46:47sad.
00:46:49Makes me so sad.
00:46:52Fuck you.
00:46:54But...
00:46:55Yeah.
00:47:00Well, I didn't exactly hide it from you, either.
00:47:03What?
00:47:04Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:07They are so cute!
00:47:11Wait.
00:47:13And legible?
00:47:14Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:16They're so cute.
00:47:19Oh, and functional.
00:47:21Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:24How cute.
00:47:26And accurate.
00:47:28The dent from when I sideswiped the mailbox.
00:47:33Never put it together.
00:47:35You also said you didn't want to know.
00:47:39Well, you're not leaving me.
00:47:41Well, I have to go so I can fix you.
00:47:43No, no, no.
00:47:44No, Les.
00:47:45Take me with you.
00:47:46I'm portable.
00:47:47You will be safer here in the dollhouse.
00:47:48I feel very not safe.
00:47:50I feel very small.
00:47:51And like, something bad could happen.
00:47:54I won't let something happen.
00:47:55Something did.
00:47:57Something else.
00:47:57Beyond the accident.
00:47:59But I have to go to the lab so I can fix you.
00:48:01Please, Les.
00:48:02I do not want to be alone.
00:48:03Please, I'm scared.
00:48:04Well, what if I can show you that, um, being small isn't scary?
00:48:09Oh, God.
00:48:10I've always wondered what the world would look like if I were six inches tall.
00:48:13Not me.
00:48:15I can show you.
00:48:16No, I, I don't.
00:48:18Aren't you just a little bit curious?
00:48:20I will be restored to regular size soon.
00:48:24I promise.
00:48:25Trust me.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:32This is crazy.
00:48:34Oh, my.
00:48:44Oh, my.
00:49:10I mean, everything's really big.
00:49:14Really.
00:49:28Wow.
00:49:29I can only imagine how different everything looks, right?
00:49:33You see this dust ball?
00:49:36Do you think I could choke on this?
00:49:39Oh.
00:49:41Yeah, put that down.
00:49:44Hello, Dolores.
00:49:45Look who it is.
00:49:47See?
00:49:48She's not that scary.
00:49:49Why is she looking at me like that?
00:49:51Oh, oh, it's puffing up.
00:49:53Do you see what it's doing?
00:49:55No, no, no.
00:49:56It's trying to eat me.
00:49:57No, this is not interesting to me.
00:49:59Can you put me down, please?
00:50:01Put me down.
00:50:04Oh, it's fun, right?
00:50:16We all love a train ride.
00:50:17Merry Christmas, lady.
00:50:21Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:28Merry Christmas.
00:50:31Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:38Merry Christmas to me.
00:50:46Merry Christmas, Wendy.
00:50:49Maybe too many times around.
00:50:51I want to get off.
00:50:53I don't like it.
00:50:55Oh, I'm going to be sick.
00:50:59Oh, God.
00:51:03Oh, my God.
00:51:06Hey, it's going to be okay.
00:51:08Hey, I'm so sorry this happened.
00:51:12So incredibly sorry.
00:51:24Water truck ran out of shrinking gas.
00:51:26I'm going to go to the lab to refuel.
00:51:28What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51:30I thought I could crush it up and you could maybe snort it, but I don't know.
00:51:34Um, Scarface?
00:51:35I'll just gnaw on it or something.
00:51:41How are you feeling?
00:51:43Really?
00:51:44I mean...
00:51:45I know what you mean.
00:51:47Better.
00:51:50I did always love this couch.
00:52:06When you're ready.
00:52:07Uh, whore away.
00:52:13Don't be shy.
00:52:16So, this is my, uh...
00:52:20Tiny little life now?
00:52:22Temporary tiny life.
00:52:23How long again?
00:52:24A day.
00:52:25Two at the most.
00:52:26I'm so close.
00:52:27So close.
00:52:28Yeah.
00:52:29Yeah.
00:52:30Yeah.
00:52:34Did you microwave this off the floor?
00:52:36Floor is clean.
00:52:37You're the first person to ever walk on it.
00:52:39Six inch tall Neil fucking Armstrong?
00:52:42Kind of.
00:52:51Less you put parmesan in the potatoes.
00:52:54Potatoes a la Diane.
00:52:57With a twist.
00:52:59Who?
00:53:00Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde.
00:53:02She's gonna play me in the movie.
00:53:04She's gonna play the sister character.
00:53:06I still don't know who that is.
00:53:07Walt?
00:53:08She's blonde, wears pink, goes to Harvard.
00:53:11That's a stretch.
00:53:12What?
00:53:13I am blonde.
00:53:14Less said that we could be twins.
00:53:16I'm sure he's just being kind.
00:53:18No, no.
00:53:18I think with the right hair and makeup, you know Hollywood?
00:53:20I mean.
00:53:21It's beyond me why they're even adapting a book into a film.
00:53:24Because it sold a million copies?
00:53:27Because it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:28Hollywood must be out of ideas.
00:53:31You're not excited?
00:53:32Laura Dern is playing the mother.
00:53:34I adore Laura Dern.
00:53:36But I question her judgment.
00:53:38The book wasn't well received.
00:53:39I repeat, it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:41The Guardian dupted literary popcorn and added,
00:53:44that does not a Pulitzer make.
00:53:45Their words.
00:53:46Which she memorized and repeat constantly.
00:53:49I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday
00:53:52without Carol turning her nose up at me
00:53:55as if I were the devil incarnate.
00:53:57Walt?
00:53:57Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:54:00That's not a stretch.
00:54:01Mom, it's fiction.
00:54:03Carol didn't see a character.
00:54:06Carol saw me, and the me in your book is a monster.
00:54:09It's a comedy.
00:54:10It's a dark comedy.
00:54:11A coming-of-age story about a woman
00:54:14who felt abandoned and silenced
00:54:17by a monster-of-a-mother character.
00:54:20You try being a single mother of two young girls
00:54:25whose husband walked out one day without a word.
00:54:28Walked out or was driven away?
00:54:29Jim abandoned me.
00:54:31No, he stopped being married to you.
00:54:34He abandoned me.
00:54:36Me too.
00:54:37And he's still the hero.
00:54:39I tried my best.
00:54:42Walt?
00:54:42If I may, Walt?
00:54:44Diane, have you tried the potatoes?
00:54:46I call them potatoes a la Diane, with a twist.
00:54:50Is the twist a turn of the knife?
00:54:52It's Parmesan cheese.
00:54:53Try it.
00:55:00It's too rich, but absolutely divine.
00:55:03Just like you.
00:55:09Walt.
00:55:10I'm sorry.
00:55:11I think we should visit the arch tomorrow.
00:55:13I hear it's dreadful.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17Yes.
00:55:17No, I don't get the arch.
00:55:19It's like an arch for what?
00:55:21It's the gateway to the West.
00:55:24I think it's great.
00:55:25I can barely show my face on wine club Wednesdays.
00:55:30Hollywood has run out of ideas.
00:55:32I think Laura Dern is very generous casting.
00:55:34I have to say hello.
00:55:40What's going on?
00:55:41Do you want to have sex?
00:55:42Oh, yes.
00:55:43Yes, we're here.
00:55:45We'll be quiet.
00:55:46We'll be fine.
00:55:47All right.
00:55:47You're set to high volume.
00:55:50Watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch, watch.
00:55:51Watch, watch, watch.
00:55:54Watch.
00:55:55All right.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:56Come on.
00:56:09They're defending me.
00:56:11Oh, shit.
00:56:12It's in the ocean.
00:56:13It's in the ocean.
00:56:20Oh, shit.
00:56:21I'm a little black guy.
00:56:22I'm a little black guy.
00:56:23I'm a little black guy.
00:56:24I'm a little black guy.
00:56:25Oh, fuck.
00:56:26Oh, fuck.
00:56:26Jesus.
00:56:27Waltz!
00:56:27Can we help you?
00:56:29Obviously, this isn't the washroom.
00:56:31It's down the hall with the light on.
00:56:33The one with the toilet!
00:56:34I can see the light.
00:56:36I lost the toilet.
00:56:41Please, I'm trying to escape.
00:56:45We're too young.
00:56:48Oh my god.
00:56:50Oh fuck.
00:56:51Okay, okay.
00:56:53Maybe I can't be quiet.
00:56:55I don't think you can.
00:56:58Hey.
00:57:03I'm not really like her though, right?
00:57:05My mother, I'm not like Diane, am I?
00:57:09Does that make me Walt?
00:57:12Seriously.
00:57:12Seriously?
00:57:13Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:16No.
00:57:17Fuck no.
00:57:18No, she's unbelievable.
00:57:20Not in a good way.
00:57:24It's gonna be okay.
00:57:26It's only a few days.
00:57:31Only a few days.
00:57:38It's only a few days.
00:57:41I'm gonna have nothing wrong to say.
00:58:10It'll be okay.
00:58:11What?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12What?
00:58:15It can't be right.
00:58:18Okay, I'm coming in.
00:58:19Now.
00:58:21Now-ish.
00:58:45What?
00:58:50Stay.
00:58:51Stay.
00:58:54No, no, no, no, no.
00:59:00What?
00:59:01Come here.
00:59:05Ow, fuck.
00:59:07You fuzzy fucker.
00:59:16Meow.
00:59:20Stop.
00:59:22Stop, Ed, you're fine.
00:59:24You feel bad enough already.
00:59:29I mean, she's safe, right?
00:59:31Meow.
00:59:42Hey!
00:59:44Hey!
00:59:47Yes, Richard?
00:59:48What is it?
00:59:49Oh.
00:59:50You seem upset.
00:59:51No, Richard, I'm fine.
00:59:52I'm fine.
00:59:53You know, I sometimes come in my car to cry, too, when I need a release, so I get where
00:59:58you're
00:59:59at.
01:00:00Okay, right?
01:00:00Is that all?
01:00:02Now you've got me worried.
01:00:03Is everything all right at home?
01:00:04You know, with your wife, Lindy.
01:00:06Lindy's her name, right?
01:00:07Yes, Richard.
01:00:07Everything okay?
01:00:08Good, good.
01:00:09Yeah.
01:00:10She's just keeping busy over the holidays.
01:00:13Yes, Richard, she's at home writing.
01:00:15She's keeping busy.
01:00:16She's writing, writing.
01:00:18That's wonderful.
01:00:19That's wonderful.
01:00:20Richard!
01:00:21Get your butt inside!
01:00:22I'm sorry you used profanity.
01:00:24I'm upset.
01:00:25I'm upset.
01:00:28I'll see you later.
01:00:39Les?
01:00:41Les?
01:00:47That is a toy.
01:00:53He left me?
01:00:56Right.
01:01:00Why?
01:01:01I have to trust him.
01:01:02I cannot spiral.
01:01:06Huh?
01:01:07Oh.
01:01:08Yeah.
01:01:09Why not?
01:01:11Okay, that's...
01:01:13That's good, space colon.
01:01:15Colon?
01:01:17Colon-al.
01:01:19Colonel.
01:01:20Space colonel.
01:01:22Next stop, Uranus.
01:01:25I couldn't...
01:01:25Fuck, I'm already spiraling.
01:01:28You made me believe you were so close.
01:01:30So I believed you.
01:01:32Yes, and you should believe me.
01:01:33That's our deal.
01:01:34There is mathematical truth in stating I am so close.
01:01:37So what does so close mean to you in this context today?
01:01:41My God, I can't put an actual number on it.
01:01:44I don't know.
01:01:46What?
01:01:48What have you done?
01:01:49What have I done?
01:01:51Martin, I didn't want to say you have one job.
01:01:53Contract is for 30 days.
01:01:56That's insane!
01:01:57Well you said that you were close!
01:01:5930 days?!
01:02:02Well, it will work.
01:02:03I mean, the math says it will and math is never wrong, so...
01:02:07Now you have 30 days!
01:02:08No, no, no.
01:02:09We have 30 days.
01:02:10Oh, now it's we.
01:02:11What does it say exactly?
01:02:12What does the small print say exactly?
01:02:14It says that we have 30 days to prove that the restoration formula works.
01:02:19Or the patent on our tech...
01:02:22On my tech, thank you.
01:02:23...reverts to Hilton, and Hilton sues you...
01:02:26Sues us.
01:02:28...for fraud.
01:02:29And you go to jail.
01:02:31To jail?!
01:02:32Well, can he do that?
01:02:33He can.
01:02:34And after 30 days it goes.
01:02:36The tech, the lab, the bobs, gone.
01:02:41But...
01:02:42Okay, so how do I make...
01:02:45How do I...
01:02:48How do I make things big again?
01:02:49Because I...
01:02:50I have to make things big again.
01:02:51Well, after 30 days, you can't.
01:02:56This is what you actually said.
01:02:59I mean, can he actually do this?
01:03:00Yes.
01:03:01He can.
01:03:02It says it right here.
01:03:05Oh.
01:03:06Les.
01:03:08How bad is this?
01:03:12Okay.
01:03:17I'm not even going to ask about the cat.
01:03:32I'm not even going to ask about the cat.
01:03:36Um...
01:03:36I got you something for Christmas.
01:03:39Oh...
01:03:41I...
01:03:41I...
01:03:41I didn't get you anything.
01:03:43Oh, that's...
01:03:44It's okay.
01:03:45I didn't want...
01:03:46I didn't want you.
01:03:48Like what Shakespeare used to write with.
01:03:50You know I like Shakespeare?
01:03:52Oh, everybody knows you like Shakespeare.
01:03:55Bars card.
01:03:56Well, you talk about it a lot.
01:03:59Um...
01:04:00You seem a little bit down.
01:04:02No, I'm, um...
01:04:03Just tired.
01:04:04Yeah.
01:04:05I was waiting up last night for someone.
01:04:09Someone special.
01:04:11You know, and it's just...
01:04:14Oh, Merry.
01:04:15Merry Christmas, Richard.
01:04:16Oh, thank you, Janet.
01:04:18This is a very thoughtful gift, so...
01:04:25Thy returneth to thine grind.
01:04:36Okay.
01:04:37Buddy.
01:04:39Thank you for moving her.
01:04:49Oh.
01:04:51Right.
01:04:52Okay.
01:04:55Oh, that's good.
01:04:57Okay.
01:05:02Okay.
01:05:03Oh, come on.
01:05:07Okay.
01:05:09Oh, my God.
01:05:17Guide.
01:05:22Oh!
01:05:23A classic.
01:05:25Come on!
01:05:29Volume.
01:05:31Volume.
01:05:33We're never turning this off.
01:05:35Okay, Sax.
01:05:38So...
01:05:40We've got popcorn.
01:05:42But no candy.
01:05:47Oh, less.
01:05:49That's just for me.
01:05:59Richard.
01:05:59I need everyone at the top of their game today.
01:06:01It's a big day.
01:06:02It could be the day.
01:06:03It needs to be the day.
01:06:04Or two.
01:06:06At the most.
01:06:11Here are my thoughts.
01:06:15Adjust the last line on the Maxwell stress tensor to B sub J.
01:06:19Minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:23Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:27Thoughts complete.
01:06:28Bob.
01:06:29Implement his thoughts.
01:06:36B sub J minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught times E squared plus B squared over mu
01:06:44naught.
01:06:45It's complete.
01:06:47Carl.
01:06:47Implement his thoughts.
01:06:48Films of Sermon and T-Roz.
01:06:56I was just doing the detail on the tone of two thirds.
01:06:58What could I do?
01:07:01What could I do?
01:07:04What could I do?
01:07:06What could I do?
01:07:14What could I do?
01:07:16All right.
01:07:29Let's make history.
01:08:18Let's make history.
01:08:19Richard?
01:08:20Bob the Explainer?
01:08:23Nominal success.
01:08:24Subject expanded to regular size for 2.1 seconds.
01:08:28Same as previous attempt.
01:08:31Molecular disequilibrium.
01:08:32Eraser Bob.
01:08:34See medic.
01:08:34Bring in Fred.
01:08:36Clean up an I.O. everywhere.
01:08:38Richard?
01:08:39We're waiting on analysis to proceed.
01:08:41We'll adjust based on your thoughts.
01:08:43We'll go again.
01:08:45No, you won't.
01:08:46If this is your definition of close, we have a big problem.
01:08:50You working in a bubble with your staff and your secrets ends today.
01:08:54Moving forward, everything that happens in this lab will be authorized by me.
01:08:59No.
01:09:00No, no, no, no.
01:09:02Um, this is not how we work here.
01:09:05We are making history, okay?
01:09:07That corn was regular size.
01:09:10It's incredible.
01:09:11As a scientist, how can you not see that?
01:09:13Reports, equipment, results, any spending whatsoever, everything you use must be logged up to and
01:09:19including packets of instant oatmeal in the break room.
01:09:21Can I explain my fiber deficiencies?
01:09:24Okay, everybody, everybody.
01:09:25This is Virginia.
01:09:26Vivian.
01:09:27Vivian.
01:09:27I don't know her last name, but she's new here and she doesn't know how things work.
01:09:31And Bob, you don't need to worry about your oatmeal.
01:09:33Okay?
01:09:33Can we just talk about this?
01:09:36Martin, you know exactly how much money this science circus is hemorrhaging.
01:09:40I don't care about the money.
01:09:42Of course you don't.
01:09:42You spent seven years and several hundred thousand dollars designing your logo.
01:09:48I had to open the books.
01:09:50Well, it had to be perfect.
01:09:51What?
01:09:52Irresponsible.
01:09:52And deeply sad.
01:09:54Dr. Littlejohn, it's no longer your money.
01:09:56It's Hilton Smith's money.
01:09:57This is his lab now, and I run Hilton's lab.
01:10:00Ergo, I run this lab.
01:10:02This is unacceptable.
01:10:04And it's ridiculous.
01:10:05And do, do something.
01:10:08Okay, no we, no we, just me.
01:10:10I want to talk to Hilton right now.
01:10:13Well, good luck reaching him.
01:10:15He's spending the holidays piloting an experimental submersible off the coast of Guam.
01:10:20Guam?
01:10:21Guam?
01:10:22What?
01:10:23Shut it down.
01:10:24We'll try again tomorrow.
01:10:26Together.
01:10:27These ladders are an OSHA violation.
01:10:30You're an OSHA violation!
01:10:33Dear hairy Jesus!
01:10:35And I hope Hilton gets crushed into ketchup by 400 atmospheres of pressure!
01:10:4029 days.
01:10:41Not helpful.
01:10:42Not!
01:10:43The point!
01:10:51What have I done?
01:10:53Good night!
01:10:53Good night!
01:10:53Good night!
01:11:01With all the stars and dew!
01:11:06Midnight...!
01:11:08Good night!
01:11:08And a rendezvous...!
01:11:11Your eyes held a message tender!
01:11:21Oh, it's my phone.
01:11:25Oh, my phone!
01:11:26Oh, oh!
01:11:30Come here, come here, come here!
01:11:32What?
01:11:44No!
01:11:46No!
01:11:46Oh!
01:11:49No!
01:11:54No!
01:12:04Fuck, did you just say something?
01:12:12Am I losing my mind?
01:12:19I can see me in you.
01:12:26Do you know?
01:12:27What?
01:12:29What is that?
01:12:30Oh, fuck.
01:12:38I've got to get out of here!
01:12:44Oh, fuck!
01:12:47Oh, fuck!
01:12:52Jesus!
01:12:54God damn it, let's...
01:12:57For fuck's sake!
01:13:03God dang it!
01:13:05I have to get out of here!
01:13:07Oh, fuck!
01:13:08Oh, God!
01:13:09Oh!
01:13:11Oh!
01:13:13Yeah!
01:13:18Oh, fuck!
01:13:22Hmm.
01:13:24Oh!
01:13:31Oh!
01:13:38Oh
01:14:05Oh
01:14:31What
01:14:34Oh
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