FULL MOVIES ENGLISH SUB
🍿🍿🍿
Follow our Channel group to get the latest movie updates
#drama #cdrama #romantic
#drama #cdrama #romantic #love #movie #shortdrama
🍿🍿🍿
Follow our Channel group to get the latest movie updates
#drama #cdrama #romantic
#drama #cdrama #romantic #love #movie #shortdrama
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:07What are you looking at?
00:09Please!
00:11You've been stealing money from the church.
00:23You're going to put your hands inside of Mommy and take out this baby.
00:29And someone actually asked for more of this.
00:33I really appreciate the opportunity.
00:36Everyone in my class was after this internship.
00:38I fought tooth and nail for it.
00:39No problem. We are glad to have you.
00:41So, what do you guys do?
00:44Well, we install computer systems in grocery store chains and food manufacturers
00:48to align their inventory software with food banks and shelters all across the country.
00:53So instead of unused food getting dumped, it goes to people who actually need it.
00:57Got it. And what is a food bank?
01:01Maybe watch our video a few more times.
01:08Yeah, I look different.
01:10But hey, everything about me is different.
01:12I'm happy. I'm successful.
01:15I've learned to work productively with idiots.
01:17My life is fantastic now.
01:20You want to know how I did it?
01:22All I had to do is stay completely away from my family.
01:26Let me go!
01:39You know, I think you are finally beginning to thin out.
01:42These things have lasted for six months.
01:44You know, I can call back later.
01:45Come on, Dewey. You've seen this like a thousand times.
01:48It's just a normal human body doing normal human behavior.
01:52Undergrowth.
01:54How's the concert tour?
01:56It's fine.
01:57But I'm really sorry I'm not going to make your anniversary party.
02:00I'm sad too, but you cannot turn down a chance to play for royalty.
02:03I mean, what if Carl Gustav wants to give you a knighthood or a sword or something?
02:07Is Jamie going to make it?
02:08I think so. He put in for relief.
02:09Towel! Towel! Towel!
02:13Trauma averted. Thank you.
02:16Hey, Dewey.
02:17Hi, Kelly. How's school?
02:18Beneath me. How's Sonia?
02:20Oh, um, it's not Sonia anymore. It's Lisbon.
02:22No! Annette! Anyway, she's good. We're really connecting.
02:26We're going to go shopping later. Do them want to come?
02:31Him can't come with we. Us has homework.
02:33Hey, he's trying. Don't mock him for it.
02:35I'm not afraid of you.
02:37That's not...
02:37I get good grades. I help around the house.
02:39I'm your only kid without a file at the police station. I'm untouchable.
02:43Yeah, well, it wouldn't kill you to tell your father you loved him every once in a while.
02:48I love you.
02:49Oh, that just sounds sarcastic.
02:51I love you.
02:52Now you sound annoyed.
02:53I kind of do. It's your timbre.
02:56I love you. I love you. I love you.
02:58The middle one was nice. Thank you.
03:03So back in college, I completely turned my life around.
03:06Because I realized, the less contact I have with my family, the less I feel like a sociopath.
03:12I've become more patient, less angry, way more mature.
03:16Anytime I am around them, it takes me like two seconds to revert.
03:20For crying out loud, I speak fluent Spanish.
03:22I know how to say quesadilla.
03:24Oh, it sounded like you said cusadilla.
03:25Oh, no.
03:26You're like, quesadilla.
03:29Siempre hacen esto.
03:30Intenta colegir a las personas por algo de lo que no sabes nada.
03:33Say exactamente cómo van a enseñar quesadilla.
03:35Quesadilla!
03:36That's it. That's what he said.
03:38That's what he said, quesadilla!
03:44Grandma's television was plasma.
03:46I had to watch two episodes of frickin' Dexter with her, and it was obvious from the rich deep blacks.
03:50You're insane.
03:51She bought that TV in 2015, all right?
03:53They already had full array LEDs with the same picture quality for a quarter of the price.
03:58It's not showing off.
03:59It's a completely sensible, mid-price sedan.
04:02Why don't you just admit you're stuck up and shoving your shiny new car in my face to make me
04:05feel bad.
04:06Is this stuck up?
04:07Is this showing off?
04:10Is this me trying to make you feel bad?
04:14It's not them.
04:15It's me.
04:16Being around them.
04:17So I've arranged my life to ensure absolute minimum contact.
04:21My house is a two-layover flight from anyone.
04:23I'm always swamped with work on holidays.
04:26But I also create the illusion of closeness with effusive emails and phone calls and birthday cards,
04:31saying how much I miss them and I can't wait to see them.
04:33But it's really important to me not to hurt their feelings.
04:37Because then they'll make me talk to them about it face to face.
04:40Welcome to Huge Mart, where our deals are...
04:42I'm still near the 200 pack of votive candles and 1,000 feet of ruby tassel garland.
04:47Oh, there's gold.
04:48No, 40th anniversary's ruby, not gold.
04:50Get in the game, Hal.
04:51Hey, lovebirds.
04:53I hid your mini disco balls.
04:56Thank you, Craig.
04:56They're in the clone aisle behind my signature scent.
05:01Which is...
05:02Suave Sauvage, for him.
05:04Already got it.
05:06So, how do you like the new job?
05:08Well, my heart belongs to Loggiade, but after they denied my promotion in that mysterious, untraceable fire,
05:14I'm glad I found a new home.
05:16Lois, come quick.
05:17It's that famous celebrity you like.
05:20It's the end of the street.
05:21My answer to the street.
05:22No, no, shh.
05:23Right.
05:25Oh, yeah, yeah.
05:26Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:29Huh!
05:31Never had much faith and love for miracles.
05:35Miracles.
05:37Never want to put my heart on the line.
05:42Huh!
05:43But swimming in your water is something spiritual.
05:48Spiritual!
05:49Huh!
05:49I'm born again every time you spend the night.
05:53E-I-E-I-E-I!
05:55Woo!
05:55Because your sex takes me to paradise and it shows.
06:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:04Because you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven for too long.
06:13Oh, yeah.
06:14For too long.
06:17Oh, yeah.
06:19Oh, yeah.
06:19Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:23Can I just stay here?
06:26Spend the rest of my days here.
06:30Because your sex takes me to paradise.
06:33Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.
06:36Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.
06:40Because your sex takes me to paradise.
06:42Nice, yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.
06:46Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise.
06:49Well, that's it.
06:56Now it's time, Igbo.
06:59Okay, let's take it from the sex park.
07:01Guys, the moment was magical.
07:03Let's not go past it.
07:04It was lovely.
07:06Hal, thank you.
07:07Well, it was just a little weird two weeks before the anniversary.
07:09No.
07:10Before or after the party, we agreed.
07:13You can do anything you want as often as you want before or after.
07:17The actual anniversary day is mine.
07:19You promise.
07:19Under duress.
07:21I'll promise anything when you do that thing.
07:24Hal, for 39 years of anniversaries and birthdays and really every celebration,
07:29you do the most wonderful, romantic, amazing grand gestures.
07:32The fireworks display?
07:34Oh, yeah.
07:35Releasing those doves?
07:36That should have been done outside and away from the fam.
07:39And now this once, I want to be the one deciding how we celebrate
07:43and not have your plans just happen to me.
07:47Yeah.
07:48Why don't you play with your friends while I finish up?
07:53She makes it seem like every little romantic gesture I've ever made is crazy.
07:59No, no.
08:00It won't hurt to let Lois do it exactly the way she wants to for one.
08:03Oh, so I just sit back, do nothing, like I don't even love her?
08:06No, no, no.
08:07Not on my watch.
08:08Hal, please.
08:09You're the only one of us still married.
08:10Do not break a promise to that woman.
08:12I would never.
08:14Lois gets her day.
08:16But until then, every moment of every day,
08:19I will show her so much love,
08:20she will run screaming at the sight of me.
08:36Nice, right?
08:37And this isn't even the best thing.
08:38The best thing.
08:39The best thing in the whole world is who's inside it.
08:42My daughter, Leah.
08:44She's kind of a trophy I won in college for attending my first keg room.
08:47She hates that joke.
08:50Her mother, Dreamer.
08:52Yes, her name is Dreamer.
08:54Ran off three days after giving birth, so single father.
08:57But I'm good at it.
08:59I just imagine what my parents would do and do the exact opposite.
09:02It's not that hard.
09:07I won't make it worse.
09:08I won't make it worse.
09:13I won't make it worse.
09:18Empathy, paralyzed embarrassment, and impotent fury.
09:22It's a rich inner life.
09:26Sweetie, what's wrong?
09:26Allison Gibgott invited me to her birthday party.
09:31Why is that sad?
09:32You want the list?
09:33I only want...
09:33Allison and her friends did this as a joke.
09:35They know I know they don't want me to go.
09:37If I do go, they'll freeze me out until I burst into tears
09:40and Daddy comes to get me, which is what they really want.
09:42I'm completely isolated at school.
09:45I've never had any friends.
09:46And my personality, by which I mean your personality,
09:50makes it impossible for me to ever have any.
09:53Okay, well, do you want my list?
09:55You're intelligent.
09:56You're beautiful and hardworking and incredibly perceptive.
10:00Yeah, thanks for that, too.
10:01That's how I notice every smirk and slight and microscopic eye roll
10:05aimed at me since first grade.
10:07Why'd you have to be so gentle with me growing up?
10:09I have no armor.
10:10Leah, look, I am so sorry you're going through this,
10:13but I promise it'll get better.
10:15It got so much better for me once I went off to college,
10:18so that's less than a...
10:20a decade.
10:23It's actually worse when he tries hard.
10:28Why'd that make you nervous?
10:29What?
10:30Your phone.
10:30Why did that call make you nervous?
10:32I'm not nervous.
10:33It was just work and we're talking.
10:36Maybe my concern for how upset you are is coming across as nervous.
10:39And why do you keep it so hot in here?
10:41I want to be alone now anyway.
10:43Okay.
10:44I'm not going to smother you.
10:46But I'm here for you.
10:47Like always.
10:49I love you.
10:50Really love you.
10:54Love you so much.
11:00Malcolm, I need you to call me back today about our anniversary.
11:03We have to know when you're coming.
11:04And we know you're coming because you would never be that monstrously inconsiderate.
11:08Love you.
11:10I didn't answer Dad's voicemail yesterday, so I knew it would escalate to Mom.
11:13I heard her with the email.
11:15Sorry, I was in emergency meetings till late and I just heard your voicemail.
11:18I schedule that to send at 2.16 a.m.
11:20That way I look considerate for emailing instead of calling her back.
11:23Trust me.
11:24She'll check the timestamp.
11:25I have to set up six more food banks this month, but barring a crisis, I'll be there.
11:30That's what's great about running a charity.
11:32Anything I say is a crisis, is a crisis.
11:35For charity.
11:38I scored the cut, dry fitted twice, so now I go it down.
11:42Perfect.
11:42This is so easy, I had no idea.
11:44I can't wait to start the gazebo next week.
11:46You know, Reese, doing these projects together every weekend, I love it more than anything.
11:52Me too.
11:54I have to confess, though, that this floor was fine.
11:59You don't actually have to rotate floor tiles every six months.
12:03I know.
12:04You do?
12:06But almost every job we've done, the car, the backyard irrigation, the washing machine, they didn't need to be done
12:12either.
12:12It's my favorite thing to do anyway.
12:13I'm spending a lot of money fixing things that don't need fixing.
12:19And since this is really just about us spending time together, maybe we can do jigsaw puzzles.
12:25No!
12:25I know how to do puzzles.
12:27You steal one piece, so you're the only one that can finish it.
12:30We have to be building or fixing things.
12:32Oh, son!
12:33Whoa!
12:34What's going on?
12:36Dad, have you ever heard of a metaphor?
12:42Yes, Reese.
12:43We all know my life sucks.
12:45I ruined my job, my marriages.
12:49I don't really have any friends.
12:52That's not the metaphor yet.
12:53Ready?
12:54Things like gluing these tiles so they fit together perfectly is a metaphor for me fitting in with people.
13:01And these tools are a metaphor for you and all the things in life you're teaching me.
13:07Dad, you're a tool.
13:09A tool to help me build my life back.
13:14I will always be your tool.
13:19You know what's great about going to a fancy private high school?
13:24Nothing.
13:25It is the same emotional shithole as every other high school.
13:30Leah!
13:31Hi, Allison.
13:32Did you get my invitation?
13:33It's going to be really fun.
13:34Dad got an aura camera.
13:36I did.
13:37Thanks.
13:37Great.
13:38See you there.
13:49Leah?
13:50Oh, hey, Cheyenne.
13:51I couldn't finish my math homework.
13:53Can you show me how to do a slope intercept?
13:55Of course.
13:56I don't mind at all.
13:57I'm always happy to help.
13:58You know, you don't have to panic about it.
14:00I wasn't panicking.
14:02Oh.
14:03It's just, I can see where you've been pulling out your hair.
14:06I'm not saying you pull out your hair.
14:08It's probably just ringworm.
14:09And that's easy to fix.
14:10Eight weeks of fungicide pills.
14:12Because it's not an actual worm inside your head.
14:14It's a fungus.
14:14Yes.
14:17Oh, God.
14:18What do I do?
14:19Make it seem like I was joking?
14:22Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
14:23Leah!
14:24Stop it!
14:26Come on, please do.
14:28What is wrong with her?
14:29I'm really sorry about the whole thing.
14:31You othered Cheyenne in view of the peer group.
14:34Yeah, I knew I was upsetting her, and I was trying to fix it, but I kept making it worse,
14:38because right before, other girls hurt my feelings, so I wasn't thinking clearly.
14:42I'm not blaming them. They can't help it.
14:45Robert Topolsky has pretty compelling research that endorphin levels actually spike when members of an in-group exclude or attack
14:50members of an out-group.
14:51At least with chimpanzees.
14:56He's on YouTube.
15:07Once a week, he'll stand in the front yard, shirtless and blanks.
15:15Get ready. You're gonna see something shocking.
15:20Hey, I'm proud of us. We actually got all the way to the bed before you went at it.
15:27Tristan, my girlfriend. I mean, it is so much more than that. She loves me.
15:33I know. It sounds like a lie to me, too.
15:38How was your day?
15:39It was good. We won the Grosvenor Innovation Grant. I beat an AI.
15:44Dude, you don't have to keep proving how smart you are. I really don't care.
15:47Oh, except for my taxes. That was awesome.
15:50So what do you care about?
15:52I care that you always listen to me, and that you're supportive, and that you keep your promises.
16:00And mostly I care that you understand, in a deep and complete way, who I am inside.
16:08And you love me anyway.
16:10And I am so grateful for that.
16:13Jesus, I thought we were just doing panther.
16:18I gotta get home.
16:22She's gonna like me, right?
16:24Are you kidding? Leah's gonna love you.
16:26You're as worried as I am.
16:27What makes you say that?
16:28Because you know that if she doesn't like me, we can't move forward.
16:33I mean, eventually we'd have to break up.
16:34But I have so many plans to prevent that.
16:37Mutual interest outings, weekly kindness days, shared journaling.
16:40There's one where you hold on to the end of a yarn ball, and you pass it back and forth
16:44to each other,
16:44and you keep saying nice things, and you keep throwing it until you guys are both tied up really tight
16:48together in the yarn.
16:51I'm betting on us.
16:53Look, you can make friends with anyone.
16:55I've seen it.
16:56And it's obvious how much we love each other.
16:57Leah's gonna see that, and she's gonna want to be a part of it.
16:59I don't know.
17:00When I was her age, I hated myself and everything in my field of vision.
17:04So shall I grow it?
17:05Can we wait for that?
17:06No.
17:07No.
17:08It is past time we did this.
17:10We're doing it.
17:11Okay.
17:12You're also honest and sincere and sensitive, not to mention in bed, the way you combine enthusiasm and startling physical
17:24strength with a clear understanding of nuance.
17:30Tristan likes screens, so maybe wear your chinos.
17:32She went to private school, too, so you can talk about that.
17:35And politics just makes her upset.
17:38Movies.
17:38She can talk about them all day.
17:40But she loves rom-coms, so don't you say anything snotty.
17:42You can write this down if you want.
17:44I would, but my pen is busy doing actual homework.
17:47Sweetie.
17:48So when do I yell, I want my real mommy, and run out in tears?
17:51I'll surprise you.
17:52Please.
17:53This is important to me.
17:54Dad, I get it.
17:55It's your only chance for love, and I have complete control over your future happiness.
18:01Every parenting book says I shouldn't let you believe that.
18:08Kelly, where are you?
18:09What can I do?
18:10Are you okay?
18:11What's the matter?
18:11But I have to make up a lie to get my own brother to answer the phone.
18:14You have to promise me you'll come to mom and dad's anniversary.
18:17Kelly, I'm trying.
18:18Hey, listen to me.
18:19All they talk about is whether or not you'll be there.
18:21They're old, Malcolm.
18:22They could die any second.
18:24Decapitated in a car wreck.
18:26Slowly choking to death on a respirator from some lingering illness.
18:29Stabbed over and over by some drifter they took in.
18:32Clock is ticking, busy boy.
18:33You can do this for them.
18:34I am doing everything I can to be there, but my charity just has me so busy all the time.
18:38So you can figure out all this advanced infrastructure for hundreds of charities and corporations,
18:42but even after six months' notice, you can't plan half a day off?
18:46Wow, that's almost mom level.
18:48Okay, at their age, they're a little self-righteous, simultaneously overconfident, and insecure.
18:54Validate their intentions and blow some smoke.
18:56Look, I am glad that you see how important this is for mom and dad.
18:59They are lucky to have you looking out for them.
19:01Other kids your age are in half as perceptive.
19:04What? I'm on the phone.
19:06Okay.
19:07I am so sorry, but I do have to get back to work.
19:10But don't worry. I'm sure I can be there.
19:12Love you.
19:12Hey, Linda, can you print me that report?
19:15With that one, you've got to get in and out before they can think too much.
19:18How do you not allow glitter? You're a party venue.
19:22I just want a couple of handfuls for people to toss during our spotlight dance.
19:26Okay, so no glitter.
19:29Did our monogrammed cocktail stirs with the little hearts, did they come in?
19:33No, no.
19:34They come with the Radiant Elegance Package.
19:38The Radiant Mystique Elegance Package?
19:40How much does that cost?
19:44Okay, let's do it.
19:47Such nonsense.
19:48I'm sorry to be taking all the attention away from your 40th birthday.
19:52Mom, I'm a 39.
19:53I was born on your first anniversary, not your wedding day.
19:5839?
20:00Of course you are.
20:02Hey, how are you guys enjoying the new guest suite?
20:04The garage?
20:05Yeah, once we unpacked the bag, stomped a few spiders, got the plastic tarp off the bed.
20:09It was real homey.
20:10Me and dad did all the renovations.
20:12Your brother's become quite the handyman.
20:14Well, it is great.
20:15A heads up the toilet wasn't connected.
20:17Would have been cool.
20:18You know, we could afford a motel.
20:20Absolutely not.
20:21We love having you here.
20:22Besides, you've got to save up some money until you get a solid job.
20:25Mom, I've been there 15 years.
20:27I'm senior management.
20:28I have 75 people under me.
20:30That's 75 people plotting to replace you.
20:33And you need to retie your bows.
20:34They need to be droopy.
20:36They droop?
20:36They need to droop languidly.
20:39Look at your father's.
20:39Your knots are too crisp.
20:41Use baby hands.
20:43Why don't you criticize his bows?
20:44Those aren't languid.
20:45They're turgid.
20:46Dad likes me better than you now.
20:48Did you ever talk to Malcolm?
20:50No.
20:50We keep trading emails back and forth.
20:52I know he's doing good things, but he is going to work himself to death.
20:55I just got off the phone with him.
20:58He's not coming.
21:05Okay, we can do this.
21:06It's going to be great.
21:07Love you.
21:07Love you.
21:08Do you need to pee?
21:09No.
21:09Yes.
21:09No.
21:11You got the lady.
21:12No, I'm sorry.
21:14Leah, we're here.
21:18Leah, this is Tristan.
21:22Hi.
21:24Hi, Leah.
21:30Good.
21:31We're easing in slowly.
21:33There's no rush.
21:37So, how much did he prep you?
21:45When you were four, you tried to scare Miss Rachel into cancelling preschool by saying
21:48her mold didn't look right.
21:52You have to twist your hamburger bun exactly three times so the condiments smear evenly.
21:59You refused an award from the State Young Sciences Challenge because you thought it would
22:02make you a famous nerd.
22:04You love being a physical therapist, but you are grossed out when you have to touch old
22:08people.
22:09You find to a spitting rage if you do Wordle in three.
22:12I do.
22:14Sometimes when you stand up too fast, you fart.
22:16And I have to ignore.
22:18I do.
22:19You don't.
22:21Now him.
22:22Has he ever told you about his reluctant move into politics?
22:26Oh my gosh.
22:27No.
22:28One time I found a notepad where he wrote, Assemblyman, Congressman, Lieutenant Governor.
22:33And the thing with the aftershade.
22:41I've never been so happy to be humiliated in my life.
22:45He always does.
22:45This could be my family.
22:47My last checkbox.
22:48This is amazing.
22:49Malcolm.
22:50We are not doing this by email or text or over the phone or by Zoom.
22:54We are going to talk about it.
22:56No matter what you have to arrange, you are going to be at our anniversary with the rest
23:00of the family.
23:01Dad?
23:07You have a daughter?
23:09She's alive?
23:12What's happening?
23:18You made me do this!
23:20Malcolm?
23:20This family's non-stop anti-social behavior and mindless belligerence and myopic priorities
23:25are toxic to me!
23:27Every single bad thing that happened to my life is your fault!
23:30Getting away from you is how I finally stopped being such an asshole!
23:35Wait, so your biggest problem is that we exist?
23:48How are you?
23:49I don't know.
23:51How could you do this to your family?
23:54No, stop.
23:55You insisted on barging in on my home, okay?
23:58Without an invitation.
23:59So you can at least give me the courtesy to explain myself.
24:02Please, sit down.
24:16Please, sit down.
24:33Undie.
25:01Please, sit down.
25:07oh come on
25:12hello stevie it's malcolm malcolm who yeah it's been a few months look i was just thinking about
25:21you i figured i'd give you a call how's little max how's glenn cute needy great great i love
25:30the pictures you sent yeah you know max's what's wrong everything mom and dad and lee and tristan
25:35all found out at the same time in person you have to help me come up with a smart enough
25:39lie
25:39to cover up the years of lies i already told them i mean it's got to be brilliant i told
25:45you
25:48this would happen you did you did what do i do now do you mind
25:56seriously what do i do confess apologize make it right stevie quit clowning around they already
26:04know there's nothing to confess it's mom she sees apologies as permission to become more enraged
26:09i've misled them for over a decade how do i make that right malcolm can he call you back
26:15it's his turn for story time and we need to finish before midnight okay thanks anyway
26:22sorry man you're in a wheelchair and i'm needy
26:29it's just not fair oh my god what happened what did i do what did we do we have just
26:36had the worst
26:3624 hours of our life we just found out guess who's gonna be a grandma isn't it amazing we've been
26:44trying for so long years and years of constant sex and all these weird mommy blog positions and it
26:50finally happened get your pee stick out of my face seriously you can't even be happy for me
26:55about this who's ready for re-caulking day i put this on your credit card what we just found out
27:04that malcolm has been intentionally hiding himself from this family for years and covering it up with
27:09lies he has a teenage daughter a secret teenage daughter i still think my thing's pretty important
27:18dad i am so sorry i think we all knew malcolm would eventually betray us that's what harvard does to
27:25people or any college really oh that reminds me ow ow ow ow ow what are you doing dad is
27:35out there
27:35emotionally destroyed i have to trash malcolm as much as i can before he snaps out of it how stupid
27:40are you you mean like professionally measured just because mom and dad aren't on social media you
27:44thought nobody else would find it what ebay they already know i sell my underwear to pervs what about
27:50professor dum-dum
27:54shall we peruse greatest hits
28:12these new ones aren't just more efficient they are so much quieter
28:19is
28:20what are you doing
28:26freeze just unplug it
28:27just unplug it
28:31freeze
28:33freeze
28:34stop
28:38okay
28:39guys
28:4068 videos millions of views how much money have you made publicly humiliating dad
28:45Including merch?
28:47Merch?
28:47Are you going to snitch?
28:48Hell yes, I'm going to snitch.
28:50Okay, what do you want?
28:52To snitch.
28:52No, what do you want from me?
28:54To be there when I snitch.
28:55Kelly, you don't want to do that. Dad is too upset. He couldn't take it.
28:58I know that! God, this is so frustrating. It felt so good ratting Malcolm out.
29:03It was like I found my calling. I'm an informer.
29:08It's like being a whistleblower but mean.
29:10And turning you in was going to be...
29:14Now I have to wait to spill my guts.
29:17But it's coming.
29:24What did you see?
29:26Everything.
29:31Oh my God, what happened?
29:33He just fell down for no reason. Old people do that all the time.
29:36Hell! Hell!
29:39Help me get him into bed.
29:40He won!
29:41I won!
29:43Roll him!
29:46Oh my God!
29:49Okay, come on, watch, come on.
29:50Watch.
29:52What do we do?
29:53Just roll him.
29:53This way.
29:54Roll him!
29:55Here's your legs.
29:55That's okay.
30:03Hey.
30:04How far did you run?
30:06Six miles past the interstate.
30:07I'm in much better shape than I thought.
30:10I met a horse.
30:12I named him Cookie.
30:14Dad, seriously?
30:16I can take Mom being crazy, but that's only because you're not.
30:20I'm so sorry.
30:22I promise I'll never do anything like that again.
30:25And don't call your mom crazy.
30:27She just has a lot of problems.
30:29Primarily being crazy.
30:32So, anything else you've been, I don't know, lying to me about since I was born?
30:35Leah.
30:36No!
30:36My self-image is already screwed up.
30:38And now, I'm part of a family I know nothing about.
30:41I mean, are they murderers or geologists or have taste sacks or Klinefelter syndrome or enjoy reading or have characteristic
30:48body language or they're athletic or super tasters?
30:50I should know all of that.
30:53There's no geologists.
30:58I think Tristan is amazing.
31:00She is.
31:01Oh, my God.
31:03She must be so mad at me.
31:04Yeah.
31:04She told Grandma and Grandpa.
31:06I was not ready to hear you call them that.
31:09They really seemed okay.
31:10Hey, I don't understand why you can't be around them.
31:12I think yesterday you saw a pretty convincing demonstration.
31:15I have hay in my crack.
31:17I cannot go back to how I was before, and I'm not going to risk you.
31:21You are perfect.
31:23I want you to stay perfect.
31:27Okay, that's just fighting dirty.
31:29You have to think of it like they're the full moon and we're werewolves.
31:33It doesn't matter.
31:34Your cover is blown, and Grandma doesn't seem the type to just let things go.
31:38Look, I need time to figure this out.
31:39You need to promise me that if she contacts you, you will not respond until you talk to
31:42me first, okay?
31:44Okay.
31:44No, you need to promise.
31:45Calm down.
31:46I promise.
31:49I need to get some sleep.
31:51I'm still mad at you.
31:52You'll still be mad when I wake up.
31:53I believe in you.
32:16How could Malcolm abuse my trust this way?
32:18I'm so mad at him for betraying me.
32:23You know, by comparison, Reese looks pretty good.
32:26Sure, he's impetuous.
32:28But that rascal has a heart of gold.
32:31He's still my favorite.
32:36What's that?
32:37It's the 33rd of 40 love letters your father wrote me for our anniversary.
32:42Two pages each, front and back.
32:44Not a single repeat.
32:46Listen, I have to talk to you.
32:49I was so excited to tell you about the baby.
32:52We tried so hard for so long, and when it finally happened, all I wanted to do was tell
32:57you.
32:58You didn't even say congratulations.
33:01You're right.
33:03I'm sorry.
33:05Congratulations.
33:07Never said I was perfect.
33:08Yes, you have.
33:09Well, I didn't mean it.
33:11Look, I will admit, there is a part of me, a part I do not like, that feels like you
33:16intentionally waited until this exact moment to get pregnant, just to make it harder for
33:19me to deal with all these other problems.
33:21That is crazy.
33:23Honestly, your whole life has been like you purposely planned every moment, good or bad,
33:27to happen at the worst possible time.
33:29That's not fair.
33:30It's always totally random.
33:32I know.
33:32I hurt your feelings, and I feel bad about it.
33:35And I promise, I am going to be happy about this very soon.
33:37I'm going to be overjoyed, just not right.
33:40Now, I have too many other priorities right now.
33:43You and the baby are number eight.
33:45That is so insults.
33:47Wait, you have a list with numbers?
33:50Yes.
33:53How do you think I manage?
33:55I have to rank everything according to how bad and how soon.
34:00Anniversary party is number one.
34:02Number two is our brand new already born granddaughter.
34:05I mean, she has been thrown into this circus with no preparation.
34:08We have to make it as comfortable as we can for that child.
34:11Your father is a close number three.
34:12Leah has the edge because she's younger.
34:14But he is in a complete no-tone.
34:16Number four is making Reese pay for what he did.
34:20Number five is figuring out a way to get Malcolm back into this family.
34:23Number six is making him pay for what he did.
34:26Number seven is trying to keep myself from draining our life savings to pay for this party.
34:32So you are number eight.
34:36When she puts it that way, I really can't argue with her.
34:39Are you kidding me?
34:40We're one slot above try oat milk.
34:42I know.
34:43It sucks to feel like you don't matter.
34:46I promise I'll never do that to our kid.
34:48As long as they don't piss me off too much.
34:52You are an incredibly smart, sexy mama.
35:10Did you hear her?
35:13I like the breeze.
35:20Hey, Leah.
35:21Hi, Allison.
35:23See you at pizza.
35:24What pizza?
35:25Oh, oh my God.
35:27I'm so sorry.
35:28Forget I said that.
35:29I don't know what you're talking about.
35:31Joni's doing pizza after the social studies final.
35:36I thought everyone was invited.
35:39You really didn't.
35:41And why do you take such delight in humiliating someone who shouldn't even be on your radar?
35:47Wow.
35:49You really are cruel.
35:59Good morning.
36:01Morning.
36:02Is it morning?
36:03Oh, sweetie.
36:08Did you know that there's a South American slug that after mating, the eggs are deposited in the father?
36:17And over the next three months, the children slowly eat their way out of their loving father until he's an
36:27empty husk that blows away in the wind.
36:30I'm just waiting for the wind, Lois.
36:35You know, we could just let it go for a little while.
36:48I'm sorry, Mr. Plummer.
36:52I don't have enough money to pay your great big bill.
36:59There must be some way I can satisfy you.
37:03And the office can put you on a payment plan.
37:09Did you just turn down sex?
37:12I guess I did.
37:14Hal.
37:15Oh.
37:16Hal, we don't turn down sex.
37:18No, no, no.
37:19We've done it in weddings and funerals and petting zoos.
37:23Hal, sex is our love language.
37:26I know, I know.
37:26Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but...
37:29Can I at least give you a hug?
37:33Not physically.
37:44Hey, it's Tristan.
37:45Let her rip.
37:46Hey, Tristan.
37:47It's me again.
37:48Look, I realize that you haven't returned my calls the last couple of days because my messages were apologies without
37:53an explanation.
37:54Which I also apologize for.
37:57So here it is.
37:59I've been seeing a therapist the last month herself.
38:01She put me on this antidepressant venalpramine.
38:05I didn't realize the side effects that it caused on my moods, behaviors, and decision making.
38:11But I am not going to use a medication that altered everything about me as an excuse.
38:16No.
38:17And I'm not going to bring Leah into this either, okay?
38:19Even though she already feels so connected to you, she knows that not seeing you again isn't anything like when
38:25her mother abandoned her.
38:27But please do not do this to her.
38:29She's just a kid.
38:32I'll be ashamed of myself after I get her back.
38:36Oh, you're just so glad you called, Leah.
38:39Dad insisted I get to know the family right away.
38:42If Dad can keep secrets, I can break promises.
38:45This is Francis and Puyama, Kelly, Jamie, and Dewey.
38:50And this is your Uncle Reese, who is going to explain himself and apologize to me this very second.
38:55Word of warning.
38:56They get mad about anything around here.
38:59Well, we are just so excited about all of this.
39:03We've just missed so much.
39:04We have a thousand questions we'd like to ask you.
39:12Hal, don't you have a question that you'd like to ask Leah?
39:14Yeah, uh, yeah, uh, what do you want to do when you grow up?
39:20Crush your father's soul and make him question his own identity?
39:25Excuse us a minute.
39:27Welcome to the family, Leah.
39:29Gosh, I wish I was able to be there to welcome you properly.
39:44Sorry, they're, um, evacuating the hotel.
39:48You're up, right?
39:50Yeah, hey, I gotta go too.
39:51I gotta sneak in a cigarette while the lieutenant's still taking a dump.
39:54Don't tell me on my smoke.
39:57Is it me?
39:58Because this feels like when they make us choose lab partners.
40:01No friends, huh?
40:03Yeah, you give off that vibe.
40:05Kids can be mean.
40:07Parents, too.
40:08So the social thing is tough, huh?
40:11No, it's great.
40:12I'm on the waiting list to move up from outcast to pariah.
40:17It really is fine.
40:17I mean, I'm used to it.
40:19Because, like, what choice do I have?
40:21I mean, there's way worse problems.
40:27Leah, have you ever tried being kind?
40:32Probably not.
40:33I am nice all the time, and I get treated like crap anyway.
40:36Nice is different than kind.
40:39Kindness requires empathy, and empathy requires putting yourself in someone else's place so you understand how they feel.
40:46Do you remember ever doing that?
40:50Right.
40:51That's a tough one for your dad, too.
40:53You guys have brains that are so different from other people's, it's impossible to feel like you have anything in
40:58common with them.
40:59So what am I supposed to do?
41:01Just make an arbitrary rule.
41:02If you're not getting along with someone, imagine you have empathy for them and act accordingly.
41:08Like how I imagine I'm not always on the brink of violence.
41:11Try it.
41:12See what happens.
41:14Something you want to add?
41:17I bet if I crash the car, I'd move up two spaces.
41:24Oh, honey.
41:26Leah, needs her warm and loving grandpa.
41:29I'm so sorry, Lois, but I don't think I can.
41:32I look at her, and instead of a sweet kid, I just see one more person who will hurt me.
41:55I'm so sorry, I don't think I can.
42:08I'm so sorry, I don't think I can.
42:08I'm so sorry.
42:09I don't think I can.
42:09She must be allergic to... something.
42:19She fake sneezed a booger onto her chin!
42:22There's a giant chunk of snot on her chin!
42:26There's a million ways that I could nail her!
42:28Do I go funny? Do I go brutal?
42:30Do I connect it to her character flaws so it stings with some staying power?
42:34My mind is reeling!
42:40Hey, you have a thing on your chin. It happens to me all the time.
42:49Wait, wait, wait. I saw what you did back there. That giant Jabba the Hutt on her face. Oh my
42:54god.
42:54I was just...
42:55Oh, I hate Allison. I had the perfect idea. I was gonna go,
42:59Would you care for some crackers with that oyster?
43:01And then seeing what you did, I mean, I feel kind of sorry.
43:07I was, like, noble.
43:09I'm not noble.
43:11Well, something.
43:12Leah, right?
43:13Yes, Jason. I sit next to you in English. And world history.
43:17Oh.
43:18Right. I'm dumb.
43:21Was this a me-cute?
43:23This was a me-cute. Right?
43:29Tristan's on her way over.
43:30I'm gonna take responsibility and acknowledge the impact that my actions had on her.
43:34Or, I'm gonna justify it.
43:36And I'm gonna frame things in a way that she thinks that it's partially her fault.
43:38Which one's gaslighting?
43:43Hi.
43:44Hey.
43:45Thank you so much for talking to me.
43:47I know how upset you are, I know how bad I screwed up, and I...
43:52I don't need to talk.
43:54I need to listen.
43:55Go ahead.
43:58I love your kid.
44:02That's all I have for positives.
44:04Good start.
44:05You totally sandbagged me.
44:07Anytime I asked you about your family, you said it was complicated.
44:10What I saw was not complicated.
44:12It was just wrong.
44:13Yes, but I have a solution for that.
44:15All those angry, vicious things I screamed at him, imagine I didn't.
44:20You have to make peace with your family, okay?
44:22For your own sake, and sure as hell for Leah's sake.
44:25You don't understand.
44:26I can't.
44:28It's not just mom and dad.
44:29It's so much worse with my brothers.
44:31I mean, all we ever do is fight, except for when we team up to fight them.
44:36You...
44:37Have brothers.
44:42Four.
44:43And one non-binary.
44:45Dude.
44:46Come...
44:47This is so much to unpack.
44:49Don't unpack, just burn.
44:50We don't need to know...
44:50I should go.
44:57I help the poor.
44:59What?
45:00I care so much about social justice.
45:03Malcolm, what are you...
45:04I'm not bad.
45:04I'm good.
45:05I'm not bad.
45:06I'm really good.
45:07And I'm smart.
45:08Which I remember that you don't care about, because I listen, and I know how to tie shoelaces away,
45:12so they never come untied, and I love you!
45:14Oh, I should have led with that, but I'm panicking.
45:16I'll start over.
45:17I can't be around you right now.
45:19I understand.
45:21I'll...
45:21I'll be here whenever you're ready.
45:25That won't be until I can trust you again.
45:29If ever.
45:37All.
45:38Night.
45:39Long.
45:39We should have called the cops.
45:41I didn't get any sleep at all.
45:43Dad's always been a loud crier.
45:45Guys, what are you doing still in your PJs?
45:48Party's in 32 hours.
45:50We still have a lot to do.
45:51According to your 20 bullet point schedule for today, I have more than enough time to finish my store brand
45:56cereal.
45:56That was before I realized that my dress only looks right with open-toed shoes.
46:00I had to add an emergency pedicure.
46:02My toes look like twisted walnuts.
46:05Solved that one.
46:06Is Dad finally asleep?
46:08No.
46:09He got up over an hour ago to help run errands.
46:11Come on, you guys.
46:13Let's go.
46:14Get the lead out.
46:17See?
46:18Completely normal.
46:19Don't be nervous.
46:20I'm not nervous.
46:21I'm desperate.
46:22I only have one day to shake off all this depression and anger so I don't ruin the party for
46:26Lois.
46:27Well, this will help.
46:28Microdosing is the best thing I ever did.
46:30It's how I lost all that weight and got a handle on my gambling addiction.
46:34I replaced it with porn.
46:37Greetings, Voyagers.
46:39Namaste.
46:40Namaste.
46:40Richie?
46:42Hal!
46:43Great to see you.
46:45How's Francis?
46:46How's the family?
46:46I don't care.
46:47I need help.
46:48Worry not.
46:49I have many weeks' experience as a hallucinogenic scientist shaman concierge.
46:54We see your pain, truth seeker.
46:57We have incredible shit to deal with it.
46:59Let me give you a tour of our tripitorium.
47:01I don't need a tour.
47:03Indulge me.
47:04Help.
47:05Please.
47:05Please.
47:08Couch.
47:09Cot.
47:09Water.
47:10Bathroom.
47:11We recommend starting in our central chair.
47:14Some people call it a dream platform.
47:16Others, a launch pad to enlightenment.
47:18Either way, there's a puke bucket next to it.
47:21Oh, uh, we already paid.
47:23I used my coupon.
47:24Don't forget.
47:24That doesn't include tip.
47:26Right.
47:29This is the medicine.
47:32Air quotes are for the lawyers.
47:34Since you're new to this, we'll start you out with a 1.5.
47:39Where'd they go?
47:40He swallowed them.
47:42All of them?
47:43I have to divvy them out.
47:45You ate 60 milligrams.
47:47Is that too much?
47:47Well, not if you're like 15 elephants.
47:52We gotta get your stomach pumped.
47:53No!
47:55There's the only chance I have left.
47:57I'm going in.
48:03I'm gonna need a bigger bucket.
Comments