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Watch Rooster Season 1 Episode 1 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:26This way.
00:56Oh, so sorry.
00:58I, sorry.
00:59I was, I was looking at that guy.
01:02What guy?
01:03He's not there.
01:04He was right.
01:04Um, I don't know.
01:06What did he look like?
01:06He was wet.
01:07He was a wet guy?
01:09Mm-hmm.
01:10Professor Shepard said the wait here in front of Cabot Hall.
01:13Did she say how long to wait?
01:14Because I think we are supposed to start.
01:16Ah, okay.
01:17We'll just stand here then.
01:21Nice mustache, jerk.
01:22I can hear you.
01:24Yeah, I know.
01:25I know.
01:26No, I didn't.
01:27I'm sorry.
01:27Mr. Russo?
01:28Yes.
01:29Greg, please.
01:30Professor Shepard.
01:31Dillon.
01:32Dillon.
01:32Right, right.
01:33Hey, hey.
01:34Thank you, Eric.
01:35Eric did a great job picking me up.
01:37He, he left.
01:39You ready to rock and roll?
01:40Nope.
01:42Oh, yuck.
01:43There I am.
01:44I don't love these readings.
01:45Yeah, that's cute.
01:45I don't.
01:46I get so self conscious and I can't, I can't.
01:50Oh no, you can't read.
01:52Oh, if you come to a big word, just sound it up.
01:55I write books that you're supposed to read at the beach.
01:57They are light.
01:58They are fun.
01:59Characters that you like have sex.
02:01The ones that you don't get shot in the face.
02:02What?
02:03At a stuffy college like this.
02:04These kids are looking for fun.
02:06They're looking for depth.
02:06I teach a class about the poetry of Bad Bunny.
02:09You'll be fine.
02:10Okay?
02:10What's a Bad Bunny?
02:11Let's do this.
02:12Okay.
02:13Rooster didn't mean to shoot Eduardo in the face, but there it was.
02:18One perfect bullet hole right below his eye.
02:22That night, Rooster drifted to sleep in a beach chair.
02:25Luckily, the first thing he saw when he woke was Margo smiling as she floated towards him in the shimmering
02:33morning heat.
02:43Okay, we have time for a few questions.
02:48Okay.
02:49Ronnie, go ahead.
02:51Mr. Russo, first, I want to thank you for coming and giving us your time.
02:54Oh, my pleasure.
02:55No, really, thank you.
02:56Oh, thank you.
02:56Appreciate it.
02:57What was your question?
02:58Why do you hate women?
03:00Wow, I don't...
03:02I...
03:02That's a fun way to start.
03:04Easy answer.
03:05I don't hate women.
03:07Mango was Rooster's favorite flavor besides Margo herself.
03:12So here you're comparing the taste of a woman's vagina to a popsicle.
03:16I did not know I was doing that.
03:18Well, you also say that she smelled like birthday cake.
03:22What was your thought process when you wrote that?
03:24I must have been hungry.
03:27Here's the thing.
03:30I don't see Margo as a sex object.
03:33Yes, she and Rooster do have sex a few times.
03:3716 times.
03:38Okay, good.
03:39You counted.
03:39I mean, 17 if you include the oral sex.
03:42Have to include that, right?
03:45Yeah, let's include it.
03:46For what it's worth, the character of Margo is based on a woman I used to be married to.
03:51So yes, she is sexy and beautiful, but she is also smart and brave.
03:56Yeah, that feeds into my question.
03:58You know the part where Margo saves Rooster from the drug smugglers?
04:01Exactly.
04:02She's very brave in that moment.
04:03Well, especially since she took off her bikini and did it all topless.
04:08Yes, she had to make a tourniquet.
04:12What was your question?
04:14That was hot.
04:14Smoke show.
04:15All right.
04:16Great question.
04:17Anybody else?
04:19Marani, you've had your turn.
04:22Hey, Crystal.
04:23Is he back?
04:24He's here.
04:25He's very excited.
04:27My gosh.
04:28I mean, my gosh.
04:30Just outstanding.
04:33I'm not sure if you've officially met our president, Walter Mahan.
04:36I was already a fan, but absolutely loved the way you handled that, Ronnie.
04:41Well, I hope I didn't make her feel bad.
04:42Ah, who cares?
04:44Nobody makes these kids feel bad anymore.
04:46Let me tell you something.
04:47Life is hard, and we are teaching these kids exactly squat.
04:52Hmm.
04:53He's out of control, am I right?
04:54Actually, I think it's refreshing that young people...
04:56Oh, thank you, Crystal.
04:57You're done.
04:58Off you go.
04:59Please tell Dean Riggs I will meet him at the gym.
05:01Fine.
05:02Thank you for tolerating me.
05:04We're not speaking.
05:05Hi, Greg.
05:07She seems nice.
05:07Uh, Crystal.
05:09Yes?
05:09There's no tea?
05:11There's a tea.
05:12There's a tea.
05:13Oh.
05:14Liberal arts colleges used to be safe havens for free thought, Greg.
05:18When did you and I become the bad guys?
05:20Amen.
05:21What?
05:22Populism's not very popular here.
05:23I mean, take Dylan.
05:24I love her, but it's no surprise that she hasn't read any of your books.
05:28What are you doing?
05:29It's okay.
05:31I...
05:31I actually haven't read any of your poetry either.
05:34It's funny.
05:34In your emails, you said you loved Dylan's poetry.
05:38I...
05:38I did.
05:39I do love them.
05:40Read all of them.
05:41I just didn't want to make her feel bad.
05:43Ah.
05:44Happy?
05:45You got us both.
05:47Unintentional.
05:48Just...
05:48Walt me and Walt.
05:49Hmm.
05:49Dylan, to be continued, Greg, you give me a ten count and then join me.
05:55Yes, he wants you to count to ten and no.
05:57I don't know why.
05:58Okay.
06:00I'm gonna read your books.
06:01Oh, no.
06:02Don't worry about it.
06:03Nice meeting you, Greg.
06:04Nice you.
06:05Me also.
06:07Okay.
06:08What are you doing?
06:11Okay.
06:15Oh, boy.
06:16Barely eight there, Greg.
06:18Do you need another ten or twenty count?
06:20May I guess what you're thinking?
06:21I doubt it.
06:22Most college presidents are bookish shut-ins, but this guy's jacked.
06:26That's exactly what I was thinking.
06:29I would have also accepted...
06:31Wow!
06:32You know my secret?
06:33Hot sauna cold plunge.
06:34Every goddamn day, you get the same endorphins you get from cocaine,
06:37only it lasts two hours instead of nine minutes plus.
06:40Come here.
06:41Let's go closer.
06:43It releases the brown fat.
06:46Well, you gotta release the brown fat.
06:47I knew you'd get it.
06:48I'm glad that you think that I do.
06:50Uh, listen, I would be a bad dad if I didn't ask how Katie was doing, and I know that
06:55you probably have heard about her and Archie.
06:58You go to any campus in America, and no marriage between two faculty members has ever lasted more than a
07:02year and a half.
07:03I can't believe that is true.
07:05Well, it may not be factually true, but the spirit of it is.
07:08Mm-hmm.
07:08And what about you?
07:09You ever think about teaching?
07:11Oh, me?
07:12No.
07:13No.
07:13Not really.
07:14I didn't go to college.
07:16Who cares?
07:16It's overrated.
07:18Really?
07:18Okay.
07:18I'm still looking for my writer in residence.
07:21You say the word, gig's yours.
07:24Don't answer now.
07:25Come back and tell me a decision before you leave.
07:27I want you to go out and let this campus get its magic all over you.
07:31All over me?
07:32Yeah, baby.
07:33In the meantime, I'm gonna go to the gym and throw some metal around.
07:36You care to join?
07:36No, thanks.
07:37I'm gonna go see my kid.
07:38Ah, good dad.
07:39You tell that Katie that if it took a campus sex scandal to finally get her old man up here?
07:44Worth it.
07:45Probably not gonna tell her that.
07:48Okay.
07:49All right.
07:50Hey, Greg.
07:51Yes?
07:51Thrilled you're here.
07:52Good to see you.
08:05With his water louise, Monet eschewed tradition and focused on the surface of the pond at his home in Giverny.
08:11Beautiful, right?
08:12Hard to believe, but actually, conservators restored that exact painting with Q-tips and spits.
08:22Ew.
08:23Okay, you can take that slightly disgusting tidbit and get out of here, but there is a paper due on
08:27Monday.
08:28But there's a k-party this weekend.
08:30What is a k-party?
08:31You don't want to know.
08:32I don't want to know.
08:32Okay, if you feel like you need extra time on your paper, that is my dad.
08:36Interacting with strangers makes him very uncomfortable, so if you want extra time, look him in the eye and tell
08:41him that you love him.
08:42Okay?
08:45No, please don't do it.
08:47I love you very much.
08:49Okay.
08:51See you.
08:55Do you know what brown fat is?
08:56Dad, I love that you're here, but I don't need you to check up on me.
08:59I'm not checking up on you.
09:00They asked me to come and read.
09:02Oh, come on, Dad.
09:03You hate this place.
09:03I've asked you like a billion times.
09:05Just admit it.
09:06I don't want to admit it because you will get mad.
09:11Everybody knows.
09:12Knows what?
09:13About Archie.
09:14Everybody knows.
09:15This place is like a fishbowl.
09:16He knows.
09:17He doesn't know.
09:18Hey, excuse me.
09:19You know that my husband left me to fuck a grad student, right?
09:25Answer honestly and I promise this moment is over for you.
09:28Yes.
09:30You're welcome.
09:30See?
09:31Okay.
09:33You know the worst part is everybody keeps asking me what happened.
09:36I don't know what happened.
09:38We were normal and then the next thing I know, he's with her and I'm packing up and moving
09:42into the dead hockey coach's house.
09:44How did the hockey coach die?
09:46I think he killed himself because his father was focusing on the wrong part of the story.
09:50I'm sorry.
09:51I'm back.
09:52It wasn't on the ice, was it?
09:53Dad.
09:53I'm sorry.
09:54Go ahead.
09:55I feel like everybody's looking at me all the time.
09:57They're not looking at you.
09:58He wasn't looking at you.
09:59Oh, yep.
09:59He just did.
10:00I'm losing my grip, Dad.
10:01I hate it.
10:02Honey, you're not losing your grip.
10:04You are strong.
10:07Whoa!
10:10Honey, why are we in the bushes?
10:11That's them over there.
10:14They eat their lunch here sometimes.
10:16So you're stalking them.
10:17Mm-hmm.
10:18That's fine, hon.
10:20They never even kiss.
10:21And look at her.
10:22She's not like some model type.
10:23She's just like a normal girl.
10:25Oh, I just...
10:26It would make so much more sense to me if she was special in some way.
10:29Hmm.
10:30Honey, maybe what makes her special is on the inside.
10:32You know, who she is as a person.
10:34Are you fucking kidding me?
10:36I'm sorry.
10:37What are you doing?
10:38I'm in the bushes.
10:38I'm off my game.
10:40Look, hon.
10:42There's something that I...
10:44What?
10:45Just look at me.
10:46Just look at me right now.
10:47What?
10:47Focus on what I'm saying...
10:49No.
10:49There's something important.
11:00Not many women get to be with their father while they watch their husband make out with someone.
11:04Yeah, we're pretty lucky.
11:08Why would you come here?
11:09I knew you'd be mad.
11:11Ugh.
11:11Don't.
11:12Katie.
11:20No, no, no.
11:22No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
11:24I wasn't watching you.
11:26I was watching a couple behind you kissing.
11:29A straight couple.
11:30Dude.
11:31Not that that matters.
11:32It does...
11:33I was just clarifying.
11:35You don't have to take out your phone.
11:36That's...
11:37I'm out...
11:37I'm out of here.
11:39See you later.
11:45See you later.
11:51Hey, there's that guy.
11:53You kicked ass today.
11:54Oh.
11:54Big fan.
11:55I love those rooster books.
11:56I read them all.
11:57Oh, thank you.
11:59You're the, uh...
12:00The bikini kid.
12:01Oh, Tommy Newton.
12:05Oh, shit.
12:06I forgot my wallet.
12:07That's stupid.
12:08Oh, no, no.
12:09Give me that.
12:09Really?
12:10I gotcha.
12:10Oh, sweet.
12:12Wait.
12:12I'm gonna get some chips too then.
12:14I'm just kidding.
12:15Very kind.
12:17I got you.
12:17Again, I really appreciate it.
12:18No problem.
12:19There you go.
12:20Sweet.
12:20Enjoy it.
12:21Bonjour, mes amis.
12:22Hello.
12:23I said hello in French because I am betting that you are from Paris, where they let kids
12:28drink wine and babies smoke cigarettes, but here in America, the legal drinking age
12:32is 21.
12:34You're not 21?
12:35Not yet.
12:36Okay.
12:37Officer, he said that he forgot his wallet.
12:40He offered to buy me beer.
12:42Are you kidding me?
12:44Kind of an age-old story, isn't it?
12:45The kid gives you 20 bucks.
12:47You go inside and get him some beer.
12:48I don't need 20 bucks.
12:50Oh, okay.
12:50Money buckets.
12:51There's other reasons you might do it.
12:53What?
12:54For like a blowjob in the alley?
12:55What?
12:57Ugh.
12:58No.
12:59I was thinking that you might do it because he seems like a good kid.
13:03Yes.
13:03Yes.
13:04Yes.
13:04That makes much more sense.
13:05But now I got this blowjob thing stuck in my head and either you're giving it to him
13:10or he's giving it to you.
13:12Nobody's giving anyone a blowjob officer.
13:13But either way, that's all I can see right now.
13:14No, no.
13:14It was just a stupid remark.
13:16No, no, no, no, no, no.
13:17No.
13:17You don't just say something like that unless you're thinking it.
13:19Yeah, I agree.
13:20I disagree.
13:21I wholeheartedly disagree.
13:23Tommy Newton, come on.
13:27He didn't do anything.
13:28I tricked him.
13:30There you go.
13:32All right.
13:34Leave the beer and get out of here.
13:38Thanks for being a good kid.
13:41Even if it was just right at the end.
13:43I'm gonna go ahead and take these right here.
13:45Oh, okay.
13:46Stay out of the alleys.
13:53Okay.
13:54Okay.
13:55Listening from a window above.
13:57It's like a story of love.
14:00Can you hear me?
14:03Came back only yesterday.
14:06Moving farther away.
14:09Yeah.
14:10Want you to hear me?
14:13All I needed was the love you gave.
14:17All I needed for another day
14:21And all I ever knew
14:25Only you
14:33Hey kiddo, sorry about before
14:36Are you really going to make me eat dinner by myself, huh?
14:40Call me
14:40Hey Margaret
14:42Hey
14:50Hey
14:53I'm walking the dog
14:57He only shits in this yard, so
15:04Excuse me
15:07How is your house Chardonnay?
15:09It tastes like shit
15:09Great, well I have one Chardonnay
15:12Chardonnay
15:13Oh hi, what are you doing here?
15:15Get a real drink
15:15Excuse me?
15:17You want to sit here by yourself, fine
15:18You want to join me, but you need to get a little more self-destructive
15:21Okay
15:22Tequila Blanco Rocks Splash Line
15:25Alright, yeah, make that too
15:27Sure
15:27Can I at least get more nuts?
15:29Did you eat the hobo?
15:31We're good with the nuts
15:33Listen, I don't see what the problem is
15:35She's never even taught before
15:37You pulled some strings, you got your friend a job, I think it's nice
15:41What if she sucks and Walt fires her?
15:44Worst case scenario
15:46Goes horribly, she blames you
15:48Something breaks deep inside of her and she shoots you in the face
15:51I will fuck you
15:52You know, I pretended it was for her
15:55She had just got a divorce
15:57I said, oh, you need a change
15:59But it wasn't for her
16:00It was for me
16:01I just feel so isolated
16:05And look, I've been here for a minute
16:07A few friends didn't get tenure and split
16:10I've already dated everybody worth dating
16:12And I said I love you once
16:15But I took it back
16:16You can do that?
16:17You can
16:17But they get really mad
16:23You ever, um, been completely surrounded by people
16:26And still felt utterly alone?
16:28Yeah, for about 25 years
16:31I was married
16:32Right
16:33Right
16:34Oh, yeah
16:35To the school's most celebrated alone
16:38Yes
16:38Actually, you would love her
16:40You'd love Elizabeth
16:43When we were married
16:44There were always so many people around
16:46And when we split up
16:49Those same people were the ones that say
16:52That we never made sense together
16:55Because she was so far out of my league
16:58And for a long time
16:59I felt they were right
17:01How long?
17:06What is this all about?
17:08Your key is bent
17:10Yeah, it's my house key
17:11It doesn't always work
17:12Quit changing the subject
17:15Um, too long
17:17I felt that way for too long
17:21Want me to get us some more nuts?
17:23So badly
17:24Excuse me
17:25Can we get some more nuts?
17:26Would you like them warm?
17:28Warm nuts
17:29They haven't even talked to each other
17:31Archie is so gutless
17:33He can't even look her in the eye
17:35And explain what happened
17:37I just, you know what I want to do?
17:39I want to go over there
17:40And just tell him to man the heck up
17:42I think you gotta go with man the fuck up
17:45I love you
17:46Ah, hope you get an F
17:48What was the...
17:48That's a long story
17:50It doesn't matter
17:51Because if I talked to him
17:53Katie would kill me
17:54No, she wouldn't
17:55She'll love you for it
17:56I don't think so
17:57I mean, she wouldn't tell you she loves you for it
18:00And then she'll probably say she's mad at you
18:05You didn't have to walk me all the way home
18:07Oh, well, I'm glad I did though
18:09That was fun
18:11Did I...
18:12You want to come in?
18:14Hmm?
18:15You want to come in?
18:17Um...
18:18Okay, in two weeks
18:19My friend is going to be living right there
18:21And I love her
18:22But she is always all up in my business
18:24So
18:25Probably
18:26No more
18:27Fucking the guest speakers for me
18:31Wow
18:33I've never done this before
18:35I'm just kidding
18:36I know
18:37No, you didn't
18:39No, I did not
18:40No
18:41Wow
18:41Do you know how old I am?
18:44It's your lucky day, Grandpa
18:46Oh
18:49Oh
18:49Oh
18:50Oh
18:51Dylan
18:53You are
18:54Gorgeous
18:55And
18:56Funny
18:57And so, so smart
18:59That I feel even dumber than usual
19:01But today has just been a day
19:03You can stop
19:04No, no, no, no
19:05I
19:05I was just saying
19:06Maybe we could just stand out here
19:07And talk for a little while
19:08I really don't love talking to men
19:10Who just rejected me
19:11I didn't reject you
19:13I just
19:13I'm uncomfortable
19:14And it's not you
19:16It's me
19:17I'm, that's who
19:18That's what I am most of the time
19:20Always
19:20So
19:21Maybe we could have a drink
19:26Yeah
19:26And kind of
19:27Kind of just see where it goes
19:29Okay
19:32Would you like to come in and have a drink?
19:37I probably shouldn't
19:39What?
19:40Oh
19:41Holy crap
19:42You just rejected me
19:43Twice
19:44Why would you do that?
19:45I don't know
19:46I don't know why I do so many things
19:48Good night
19:48No
19:49Wait, Dylan
19:50Dylan, Dylan
19:51Come on
19:52Oh, the key
19:53The curse of the bent key
19:54Come on
19:55You could try it a little less psychotically
19:58Okay, please just go
19:59No, no, no
20:00I wouldn't be a gentleman
20:01Unless I waited for you to
20:03Oh
20:06Okay
20:12Good night
20:21Hey, Bug
20:21You sure you don't want me to drive you?
20:23No, no, no
20:24I'm
20:24I got it
20:25Hey, how come you need to go to the dentist?
20:27Um, because I hurt my arm
20:30That's a joke
20:30Relax
20:31I'll be back later
20:32Okay
20:33Big push for a big girl
20:34Yeah, see ya
20:36Eyes on the horizon
20:37Got it
20:40Hello, Gov
20:42Greg
20:42I heard you're on campus
20:44Come on
20:46Pop out on the coast for me, will ya?
20:52I understand that you're the first Russian studies professor to receive the Wallace Fellowship
20:56You don't care about the fellowship?
20:58No
20:58Nobody does
20:59Well, yeah
21:00My friends talk about it quite a lot, so
21:02Name one
21:02You don't know any of my friends?
21:04Well, just throw a name out
21:05Kevin
21:06I will bet you a million dollars that you can't tell me Kevin's last name
21:11Listen, Greg
21:13I know why you're here, alright?
21:14You love Chekhov, right?
21:16I was wrong
21:16Uh, yeah, I like Chekhov a bit
21:19Don't you have that stupid first edition Chekhov book that you're so proud of?
21:23Tolstoy
21:25First edition of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
21:29Yes, I am rather proud of it
21:30It's probably one of the finest literary creations any human being ever made, so
21:34Why did you cheat on my daughter?
21:36Sounds like you want to make love to that book
21:37Okay
21:38Could you just skip to the point, please, Greg?
21:40No, because I thought that you loved Chekhov
21:43And I spent the morning researching him in preparation for this conversation
21:47In the love of God, then pretend that I'm a fan of Chekhov
21:50Okay
21:50Listen, since you love Chekhov so much, you obviously know that he said no one must be humiliated
21:58I have been thinking about that a lot
22:00How could you have been thinking about that a lot if you only just read it this morning?
22:03Are you a detective?
22:04Well
22:05My God
22:06Look, you need to man the fucking heck up
22:12Katie has been humiliated and I think that you owe it to her
22:15I love her
22:19I do, I love her
22:21Then what are you doing, man?
22:24I, I, um
22:28I just, I got lost
22:30Um
22:32We weren't getting along
22:35And we drifted a bit and I withdrew
22:37And then along came Sonny
22:39And the, the clouds
22:40I'm cool not knowing anything about Sonny
22:42Look
22:44I am ready and willing to take the lion's share of the blame with what happened between me and Katie
22:48You are a hero
22:49Thank you
22:49And also your friend Kevin is not real
22:53Katie and I both have things that we need to work on
22:55And I, I want to do that work, Greg
22:58Because she is still the most important thing that's ever happened to me
23:04And I think I've really cocked this up, haven't I?
23:07Yeah
23:08And you cocked it up
23:13Do you think she'll ever take me back?
23:15I wouldn't
23:15But if you want to find out
23:18You have to man the fuck up
23:23You really nailed it that time
23:25I don't need your approval
23:26Okay
23:27But thank you
23:35Bobby Orr
23:35Native of Kitchener, Ontario
23:38Who gives a shit?
23:39I cannot believe that you spoke to Archie
23:41I was promised you'd eventually love me for it
23:44He wants to see me tomorrow
23:46He says that he thinks he's found a path back
23:49Alright, that's a good thing, yeah?
23:50Why?
23:51Because he's stopped banging that girl
23:52So I'm supposed to run home and rip off all my clothes?
23:55I, I seriously doubt that that is his path back idea
23:59I know you're mad
24:00I have a question
24:02Do you still love him?
24:08Shit
24:10You know
24:10I never really told you
24:12Why your mom and I split up
24:14She cheated on you?
24:15Oh good, you're in the loop
24:18No
24:18Uh
24:20My biggest regret
24:23Was that I didn't fight for her
24:27If you love him, don't be a coward
24:29Like I was
24:31If I say that I will go and see him
24:33Will you please stop telling me to do things that I don't want to do?
24:37Promise
24:39Also try to be kind
24:40Jesus Christ
24:42I, you're going to want to say some stuff that's really horrible to him
24:45And he deserves it
24:46Yeah
24:46But there are certain things that you can't take back, honey
24:49And I am speaking from experience
24:53That's all
24:54Go see him
24:55Try to be kind
24:56That's it
24:57Okay
24:58I'm going to head out
25:00I love you
25:01I will drop by tomorrow morning after I see Walt
25:05And say farewell
25:06Dad
25:09Do you want to stay and hang?
25:13Always
25:15Yes
25:16I do
25:18Okay
25:2815 minutes at 185 degrees at least three times a week
25:31Speeds up the metabolism, flushes out the toxins
25:34And is clinically proven to lower your chance of dementia by 53%
25:38And aren't you a lucky guy
25:40You have all that fur to keep the heat in?
25:42Yeah, I feel lucky
25:44Can't say I'm pleased you turned down my job offer
25:47Sorry
25:48Has it been 15 minutes yet?
25:5090 seconds, Greg
25:51Well, you're going to love the contrast with the cold plunge
25:53I can't wait
25:54I am happy to see things are turning the corner for Archie and Katie
25:59Would have been ashamed to have to let her go
26:01Excuse me?
26:03Well, if this drama got out of hand, I had to pick one
26:06He's got the tenure and the Wallace Fellowship
26:09Nobody cares about that
26:13Have you ever been married, Walt?
26:15I am married now
26:16Wow
26:17Oh, Jodi, she loves to travel
26:19I don't
26:20So, we do two months together, two months apart
26:23And then we just repeat that the rest of the year
26:25She'll be back in a few weeks
26:27I can't wait
26:29Sounds like you've solved marriage
26:31I have, Greg
26:33Yeah, you're lucky
26:36When you get your heart broken, it's
26:40It's
26:41Whatever, never mind
26:43I mean, never mind
26:44Number three
26:46Hot house is for real talk
26:48You had that made up professionally?
26:51I made it in woodshop
26:52Nice
26:53Yeah
26:54Ah
26:56When you get your heart broken, it feels like somebody shot you in the face
27:02It doesn't matter if it's been five years
27:05You just, you feel like you're never going to bounce back, you know?
27:13Can't let that happen to Katie
27:16Hmm
27:18All right
27:20Ah, Katie
27:21Uh, I'm not going to sit down because I don't know where you guys have had sex, so I'm going
27:25to pace
27:25Right, okay
27:26That's actually something I'd love to say to you
27:27I wanted to say that
27:28No, hold on, listen
27:28I really need to tell you
27:29Start off
27:30No, no, no
27:31If I can just go first
27:32Sit down
27:32I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit here
27:34And your interrupting me is not helping
27:36Please, sit down and shut up
27:39Unfortunately, I was going to say
27:41That you actually should start
27:42But there's nothing that you could say
27:44That would help me understand how you could do this to me
27:47And you didn't even try to explain yourself
27:49Are you fucking serious?
27:51Trying to
27:52Archie, that's when you get when those women on Dateline snap and poison their husbands
27:56Because I have thought about killing you
27:58And I know it's not smart to say out loud
28:00In case something weird happens and you do die
28:02And then somebody else in the bar is like
28:04Well, I heard her talking about how she'd kill her husband
28:06But we're not in a bar
28:07So I feel pretty safe
28:08I could so murder you
28:09Good Lord
28:12But my dad told me to be kind
28:16I just don't know how to get there
28:23I love you
28:28And I think we can get through this
28:35Okay
28:39Now you talk
28:48It doesn't matter what you say
28:50Just say something
28:53She didn't go to the dentist
28:56Okay, it matters a little
28:57It can't just be gibberish
28:58Sonny said that she was going to the dentist
29:01But she went to the doctors
29:02Well, dentists are doctors
29:07She's pregnant
29:10This is what I was trying
29:12I just found out
29:13I love you, Katie
29:16I was going to beg for you to take me back
29:18I have this speech where I explain everything
29:20But I don't make any excuses
29:21It's really good
29:22I can still say it
29:22Get out
29:24Okay
29:26This is my house
29:27Please get out
29:28Please get out
29:28Please get out
29:37I really do love you, Katie
29:38Fuck you
29:40Do you know how long you're going to be?
29:41Get out
29:49Are you loving the contrast?
29:51You're activating the brown fat
29:53Brown fat is not real
29:54You don't mean that
29:55I do
29:56Now we're going to finish by you going under for five
30:07I don't like it
30:09I don't like it
30:10I take one
30:11One
30:12One
30:13One
30:13Because you left me
30:13And two
30:14Two
30:15Two
30:15Two for my family
30:16And three
30:17Three
30:18Three for my heartache
30:19And four
30:20Four
30:20Four for my headaches
30:22And five
30:23Five
30:23Five for my lonely
30:25And six
30:25Six
30:26Six for my sorrow
30:27And seven
30:28Seven
30:29No tomorrow
30:30And eight
30:31Eight
30:32I forget what eight was for
30:33But nine
30:34Nine
30:34Nine
30:35But the loss got
30:36Ten
30:36Ten
30:37Ten
30:38Ten
30:38Four
30:39Oh shit
30:40Oh shit
30:45No
30:46No
30:47No
30:47No
30:54Oh my
30:57No
30:57Go
31:04Hey Beth
31:06I know you said that I didn't need to go see Katie, but I did, and I'm glad that I
31:11did, and I am so, so cold.
31:16Call me when you can. Bye.
31:24Oh, my gosh.
31:29Why would you make me talk to him?
31:31Hey, folks.
31:32Oh, no, this guy.
31:33I was with you all morning.
31:34Wait, what?
31:35Ma'am?
31:36A little job guy?
31:37Hey.
31:38You guys wouldn't happen to know what's going on here with this fire, would you?
31:42No.
31:43She was with me all morning.
31:46No, I wasn't.
31:47Huh.
31:48Seriously?
31:49Okay, so immediately conflicting stories.
31:53Why don't you both stay here?
31:54I'm gonna go grab my pen.
31:56Do not leave.
32:00Where's my pen?
32:01Who's got my pen?
32:05Shoot.
32:05I laugh at me, I'm crying, trying.
32:09Falling sometimes, sometimes flying.
32:13Cry me an ocean of one-liners.
32:17Cruel, cruel, cruel.
32:21I stick sandstones.
32:23You know the rhyme.
32:25You know it landed hard this time.
32:29Look who tried too hard to play it cool.
32:36We laugh and move on with our lives.
32:41I'm bootstrap paint, but never mind.
32:45I'll find a way to rewrite our beginnings.
32:49Oh, I.
32:55Oh, I.
32:57Oh, I.
32:59Oh, I.
33:01Oh, I.
33:03Oh, I.
33:05I played the fool.
33:08Ah!
33:09Ha, ha, ha, ha!
33:10Bye bye!
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