- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:21Tensions were rising in the mobs of Little Italy, Brooklyn and Chinatown.
00:00:25They tried working together, but criminals can't be trusted.
00:00:34That's Al Capella, the real deal boss of Manhattan.
00:00:37Don't mess with him unless you collect horse heads.
00:00:40This guy's Amador Condimentum.
00:00:43He's the boss of Brooklyn, pedals in condiments.
00:00:47This is Chinatown's triad boss, Peng Fan.
00:00:50He speaks English, but when he wants you to feel small, it's all Chinese.
00:00:58Gentlemen!
00:01:01And then there's Sean O'Greedy, our crime commissioner, on the take.
00:01:05Everyone's corrupt in this town.
00:01:07A decade ago, we moved away from drugs and gambling to run oils and spices and herbs.
00:01:17We are the original crime syndicate, begun centuries ago by Marco Polo.
00:01:25We've made fortunes selling addictive flavors, holding shops and restaurants hostage, to bulk orders without discounts.
00:01:38Your gripes threaten everything.
00:01:41Look, Capella's passed his prime.
00:01:45He let the Chinese overtake Martin Mulberry Street.
00:01:49I'll run his territory.
00:01:51This is coming from a guy who's still stuck in his services.
00:01:54Look at that freaking alpha, would you? Look at his men.
00:01:56How dare you talk to me like that?
00:01:58You were nothing but a broken down fight promoter until I made you what you are.
00:02:02Ha!
00:02:02Sit down.
00:02:03Sit down?
00:02:04Sit down!
00:02:05Jason!
00:02:07I don't want your trouble.
00:02:09Get in my business.
00:02:11Watch your mouth.
00:02:12Who the hell are you talking to?
00:02:25What did he just say?
00:02:27My boss said greed is a powerful aphrodisiac.
00:02:31But when the feast is over, no one cares about the sauce.
00:02:35What does that mean? Nobody cares about the sauce.
00:02:40What does that mean?
00:02:41Means asshole.
00:02:43No, I know what it means.
00:02:45North the Canal Street, it means man who talk too much get killed.
00:02:48Watch your ass.
00:02:49Yeah, you sound like a Chinese fortune cookie.
00:02:52Am I right? Am I right?
00:02:56Forget about it.
00:02:58Careful, boys.
00:03:02Who the hell is he?
00:03:03Look at that freaking alpha, would you?
00:03:05Gentlemen, this is Tai Chu.
00:03:09Bless you.
00:03:09He's head of the Chinese family in Philly here to discuss business.
00:03:15What's in it for him?
00:03:17So hard by Jim.
00:03:19We will see.
00:03:21Back in the day, Chu and Fat fell out.
00:03:24Something about a gambling dad and a girl.
00:03:26That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:30That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:50That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:56That bracelet is a reminder.
00:03:58We are the same on our team.
00:03:58We are the same on our team.
00:04:05We are the same on our team.
00:04:19To know the truth.
00:04:26will dismantle everything power that's what appeals to me power
00:05:02i want to know how i can start when love has always torn my heart
00:05:13but if i feel the storm begin my mind is of a force and i rush in
00:05:23to what i know will always be a trip through pain and ecstasy
00:05:35but when my blood begins to raise my adult trepidations all erase
00:05:45what if she's the one i say
00:05:53how can i let her get away
00:05:59i just can't go another day
00:06:04without her by my side to stay
00:06:10i want to know if you could care
00:06:24do you know where wisdom and knowledge are
00:06:27my guy
00:06:44yes what is it that you are seeking
00:06:45i seek advice from the all-knowing jade brothers tell me sir i use the great sage knowledge
00:06:51i am wisdom that tell me there is knowledge
00:06:54hmm look i could really use some advice
00:06:58does the dragon make the rain fall without first breathing in the sweet smells of the incense
00:07:04hey don't cha-ching wisdom make cheap you know
00:07:11hey that's for my new hip when i get it i'm gonna put my foot in confusion's grace don't shine
00:07:17guys a little focus look today everybody in the city thinks i'm a hero
00:07:23the girl of my dreams kissed me and i'm in love
00:07:25i knew i was good but i never worked this fast before
00:07:29widow chang said you too fast
00:07:32that's not what your wife says she never had it so good
00:07:35what which wife all of them guys this is serious
00:07:41how could you be so sure
00:07:45look it wasn't easy growing up the eldest son
00:07:50it was my duty to bring great pride to my family
00:07:58but i just couldn't measure up
00:08:01hold it you're not comfortable
00:08:02hey how much do work over knowledge here
00:08:06you mean to tell me the great jade brothers don't know the martial arts
00:08:09bear mountain was my game
00:08:11oh sissy rackets and little birdies
00:08:14if you're not gonna help i want my money back
00:08:16huh does the forest take back its silence when the woodchuck farts
00:08:21look the point is i never took to the whole asian thing
00:08:27it was italian culture that grabbed me
00:08:44you're a wise guy
00:08:56you're talking to me
00:08:57forget about it
00:08:59you're a wise guy
00:09:08hey vincent
00:09:10you're talking to me
00:09:12i call your name who else will i be talking to
00:09:15you're talking to me
00:09:18i'm looking right at you
00:09:20hey what are you
00:09:22you're sick or something
00:09:24forget about it
00:09:25huh
00:09:26you have ear problem huh
00:09:28as you can see executing the wise guy attitude was gonna take some time
00:09:32in fact until last month i wasn't even close
00:09:36now my personal favorites are these cream filled
00:09:38and but for you i'm thinking are you like a egg tart kind of guy
00:09:43chocolate kind of guy
00:09:44right up here we've got beans
00:09:48oh hey tina
00:09:50how are things
00:09:51hey miss mary
00:09:52that's tina
00:09:53wow right
00:09:54she dates wise guys so i never really had a chance
00:09:57that and i always made a fool of myself
00:10:00hold on uh donnie donnie bring up the depoca order
00:10:09you okay
00:10:13what i got something on my face
00:10:17whoa tina
00:10:19donnie
00:10:19how are ya
00:10:20oh my god
00:10:22how are ya
00:10:22good to see ya okay
00:10:23hey listen you uh
00:10:25you like lobsters and shrimps
00:10:26yeah sure
00:10:27how about i take you to the aquarium
00:10:29we watch them run around a little
00:10:30that don't sound fun
00:10:32let me take you out
00:10:34donnie i told you a million times
00:10:36you're a nice guy
00:10:41take a picture it lasts longer okay
00:10:48this all could be yours baby
00:10:50this could be a future
00:10:54me you miss mary over here
00:10:57and all the lobster tails you could eat baby
00:11:00clean
00:11:01can i get it back brother
00:11:03this is home
00:11:04a five-story walk-up in chinatown
00:11:06it's traditional chinese
00:11:08except for the lottery tickets on buddha's lap
00:11:16dad thinks vaping traditional herbs and reading yin and yang in the bedroom will keep enduro
00:11:21i think it's working
00:11:23mom loves to cook and those are my two little brothers
00:11:25if you can believe it
00:11:31what is this an opium den
00:11:33yeah this stuff balances your yin with your yang
00:11:36you should try it sometimes for instance
00:11:38you're always unhappy
00:11:40that's a sign of imbalance
00:11:41my balance is just fine
00:11:46doesn't seem like balance to me
00:11:48not for nothing pop
00:11:49but you got buddha fortune cookies lottery tickets and buck wild atlas
00:11:53you work yourself ragged but you never make it big
00:11:55that don't seem like balance to me
00:11:57you may be my number one son
00:11:59but i'm the giver of life here
00:12:02forget about it
00:12:03lobo why does your son sound like one of those mulberry street italians
00:12:07if he doesn't want to be chinese how will you stop him
00:12:13joey's my best friend
00:12:15he's always looking out for me
00:12:16the godfather is one of the greatest films of all time
00:12:19yeah
00:12:19to have that kind of respect
00:12:21that's a real man
00:12:23yeah that's pretty good but i can get you guys
00:12:25yo
00:12:27let me get uh
00:12:28what's up guys
00:12:29let me get a couple spicy sausages and mustard
00:12:31and a couple of drinks
00:12:32hey
00:12:36be smart kid
00:12:40here you go buddy ten bucks
00:12:42yeah
00:12:42hundred
00:12:43here you go
00:12:45well that's a hundred man i'll have change
00:12:46keep it
00:12:47all right thank you
00:12:48get any uh tacos or enchiladas
00:12:52we got hot links and bone-in hot dogs
00:12:55what do you need
00:12:56right all right
00:12:57uh a couple hot links
00:12:58a little mustard
00:12:59uh two sodas
00:13:00you got it
00:13:04hey you got this one doll and vinnie
00:13:06oh yeah
00:13:07hmm
00:13:08the presence of two real goodfellas
00:13:10come there
00:13:11surprises are in manhattan
00:13:12need more than that
00:13:13thank you
00:13:14what are you talking about
00:13:15the mobs all over manhattan
00:13:17yeah
00:13:18al capella's been short but
00:13:19that's what kind of meant those brooklyn boys
00:13:22and you know this because
00:13:23there's a goomba gazette
00:13:24no
00:13:25nah
00:13:25my uncle eddie works for condimental
00:13:29is your uncle fountain soda eddie
00:13:31yeah
00:13:31he makes sure all the syrups for the fountain soda machines are stacked
00:13:35after all these years joey risotto
00:13:37you never thought to mention your uncle was the fountain soda
00:13:39well i'm not allowed to talk about it
00:13:43there she is
00:13:45in all her heavenly glory
00:13:47you know i'm tina since we was in school
00:13:49you didn't say nothing done you won't know
00:13:51forget about it
00:13:53she's my goddess what can i say
00:13:55man up and ask her out
00:13:58all right i've gotta go i'm gonna go to one of them bicycle classes
00:14:01oh good for you
00:14:03all right love i'll see you
00:14:07come on over here
00:14:12hey tina how about we romance the big apple just for you and i
00:14:16not a chance
00:14:17not even a maybe
00:14:19first you need a bib
00:14:22and b you ain't got no car no connections no nothing
00:14:25a girl's gotta secure her future
00:14:27and when you can understand that
00:14:29maybe you could get a girl like me
00:14:32that's what i'm talking about
00:14:35follow me
00:14:37how women resist you
00:14:39i'll never know
00:14:40help me out
00:14:41what do you want me to do about it she's a lost cause
00:14:44introduce me to your uncle
00:14:45then
00:14:46in case you haven't noticed
00:14:49you're not italian
00:14:50and not for nothing
00:14:51it's a real dangerous life
00:14:53forget about it
00:14:54yeah forget about it
00:14:55too much trouble for a girl anyway
00:14:58forget about the girl
00:14:59have you lost your mind
00:15:02you must always pursue the girl
00:15:05ha
00:15:06you never
00:15:08pursued a girl in your life
00:15:10call girls maybe
00:15:12would you too quit it and let me finish the story
00:15:14so
00:15:20Vincent
00:15:21don't worry about it
00:15:23don't worry about it
00:15:23let's go out
00:15:24allow the kung fu
00:15:26will sue you
00:15:27i'm trying my best you fool
00:15:33good job man
00:15:37if you'll spend more time to come with us
00:15:39you could have easily won
00:15:48Vincent, you have a skill, but you don't use it.
00:15:53You learn good skill.
00:15:55You see the change.
00:15:56I get it.
00:15:57It's for self-defense.
00:15:59But practicing for mastery, what's the point, Zipu?
00:16:03This art is part of who we are.
00:16:05It connects us to our ancestors and culture.
00:16:08That Kung Fu builds character.
00:16:11Gei-lick, nai-sim, gai-lick.
00:16:14It all starts from the moon.
00:16:17You must do this to force your spirit.
00:16:20And it's a lot of fun, especially when I get to be that woman.
00:16:24Embrace Kung Fu.
00:16:26See the change.
00:16:29You've been practicing forever, Zipu.
00:16:31Doing the same thing every day.
00:16:35Is this life really good enough?
00:16:37And more than enough,
00:16:40when you're done,
00:16:41you will see the change on you.
00:16:46Drink tea.
00:16:59Yeah.
00:17:00That's what we got on this thing.
00:17:01Oh, okay.
00:17:02Oh, I see the mango.
00:17:04Yeah, it's on the thing.
00:17:05It's on the paper.
00:17:06Hey, Vincent.
00:17:07Wait for the jade stock.
00:17:09Hmm?
00:17:10I got so much stuff that's good for that, you little horned dog.
00:17:13Yeah.
00:17:14It'll fill your pecker like a balloon.
00:17:16Yeah.
00:17:16Bring me an extra ten boxes next week.
00:17:18Which I need like the green tea.
00:17:20And I got avocados on special.
00:17:21Huh?
00:17:22They're good for the dopamine.
00:17:23Come on, man.
00:17:24Do your job.
00:17:26Why don't you show one of those bananas where the sun don't shine?
00:17:28I'm helping you out.
00:17:30Easy, easy.
00:17:36Oh, hey.
00:17:37You're useless, little man.
00:17:38Listen, my produce.
00:17:40Help me get my produce.
00:17:41Wait.
00:17:44What is it?
00:17:45Help me.
00:17:45What are you doing?
00:17:46Come.
00:17:46I'd had it.
00:17:47It was time to join the mob, to get some respect, and get the girl.
00:17:51So I crossed Canal Street from Chinatown into Little Italy in search of my destiny.
00:17:57I stumbled onto the two goodfellas from the hot dog cart.
00:18:00It looked like they were in the middle of a territory scuffle.
00:18:03You should be ashamed of yourself the way your oregano smells.
00:18:06It tastes like sweat.
00:18:08He's right.
00:18:08It does.
00:18:09Listen to me.
00:18:10You tell Condimental that Al Capella's got a message for him.
00:18:13What was that message again?
00:18:15The message is you don't sell a dash, a pinch, a shaker of your oregano.
00:18:19You hear me?
00:18:19You tell Mr. Condominium over there?
00:18:22You tell him we find out he sells even a sprinkle of that crap you guys are selling anywhere in
00:18:27this neighborhood.
00:18:27He's gonna have to answer to Mr. Capella.
00:18:29Capiche?
00:18:29It's now or never.
00:18:31Time to fulfill my destiny.
00:18:36Take that.
00:18:40Hey, help me.
00:18:45Want some mustard with that?
00:18:47Someone get some mustard for the swine-cutting bitch.
00:18:49Oh!
00:18:50Who are you?
00:18:51Who interferes in the family business?
00:18:54A man asked you a question.
00:18:56I'm Vinnie Chow.
00:18:57Proving myself mob-worthy.
00:18:59Mob-worthy?
00:19:00Shall we whack him?
00:19:01No, no.
00:19:02We'll bring him in.
00:19:03Grab him.
00:19:04Come on.
00:19:05You come with us.
00:19:10What?
00:19:11Come on.
00:19:11Let's take him upstairs to see the boss.
00:19:14What's everybody looking at him?
00:19:15Shut up.
00:19:15Keep walking.
00:19:19Here.
00:19:19You just get the money.
00:19:21I don't care where he is.
00:19:22You find him.
00:19:22I'll bring him down here.
00:19:23I want every penny he owes me.
00:19:25You understand?
00:19:26This is bull crap.
00:19:27I don't know.
00:19:28I got to go now.
00:19:30Just do what I told you.
00:19:32Here.
00:19:32What's up, Frankie Browse?
00:19:34Well, we took care of Vito and Luigi.
00:19:35We sent a clear message to Condimento.
00:19:37That's for sure.
00:19:38That's good.
00:19:39But there's something else.
00:19:40We got a little bit of a situation, boss.
00:19:42What's that?
00:19:42Well, you'll see.
00:19:44Bring him in.
00:19:46We brought you a Chinatown special.
00:19:48Oh, the Moogoo guy pan.
00:19:49I love those little round pancakes.
00:19:51That dish with the little pancakes.
00:19:52That's Mushu, not Moogoo.
00:19:53Get your hands off, then.
00:19:55Mushu, Moogoo.
00:19:56Screw you.
00:19:57They're no freaking raviolis, but I love those little round fluffy things with the bump on
00:20:01the top like that.
00:20:03So nobody brought me takeout.
00:20:04No, no, no.
00:20:05Like I was saying, you were sending a message out to Condimento.
00:20:08Then out of nowhere, this ninja shows up and starts dropping a one-two on Vito and Luigi,
00:20:12and I gotta tell you, it was a beautiful thing.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:14He starts shoving red-hot pepper flakes down Vito's throat.
00:20:18I mean, the poor guy had tears in his eyes.
00:20:21I did it for you, Don Capella.
00:20:23You mean to tell me you three idiots couldn't take care of two jerk-offs from Brooklyn on your own?
00:20:28Idiots?
00:20:29Excuse me, boss, but with all due respect, I think we handled this thing just fine.
00:20:33We can't have the fine citizens of the Lutli thinking we need help from the Chinese.
00:20:37You know what I'm talking about?
00:20:39No, we can't.
00:20:40That's why we brought them in.
00:20:41All right.
00:20:41Forget that.
00:20:42I'm hungry.
00:20:43Order me the Chinese pancakes with the scallions and the sauce on it.
00:20:47And charge it to Spezi.
00:20:49It owes me a lot of money.
00:20:51Yeah, why don't you two go find something else to do, huh?
00:20:54You, kid, take a seat.
00:20:59All right, listen.
00:21:00What do you want from me, huh?
00:21:02While I'm in a good mood, talk to me.
00:21:04It all started when I was a kid, you see.
00:21:06Oh, you got three seconds, huh?
00:21:07I want to join the family and become a wise guy.
00:21:10What's to join the family and go?
00:21:11You ain't even Italian.
00:21:13I'm doing the best I can.
00:21:14Well, what are you talking about?
00:21:16He's got big balls, this kid.
00:21:18You don't join this here.
00:21:20I induct you into it.
00:21:21It's a special thing.
00:21:23And once I induct you, I give you an offer you can't refuse.
00:21:27Sure, I've seen the movies.
00:21:29You've seen the movies?
00:21:30This ain't the movies.
00:21:30There's no Chinese wise guys in movies.
00:21:33No.
00:21:34I had enough of you, kid.
00:21:36You keep sticking your nose in my business where it don't belong,
00:21:39and I'm not going to put you on a slow boat to China.
00:21:42I'm going to put you under one.
00:21:44Gabish?
00:21:45Get him out of here.
00:21:47Come on, let's go.
00:21:47Come on.
00:21:47Take a walk.
00:21:48He's not kidding.
00:21:49Come on, let's go.
00:21:56And stay out.
00:21:58Going straight to the top was an epic fail, but I wasn't giving up.
00:22:03There had to be another way for a Chinese guy to get started in the mafia.
00:22:16Listen to me.
00:22:17Yeah, what?
00:22:18Take it easy, okay?
00:22:19Get up those steps.
00:22:20What do we have to go in here for?
00:22:22Get up those steps.
00:22:23What do you have to go here for?
00:22:24You know what you're going here for.
00:22:25In here?
00:22:27Where do you want to go?
00:22:28Get in.
00:22:35Let's go.
00:22:36Get in the ring.
00:22:37We'll straighten you out.
00:22:38What do you mean?
00:22:39What do you mean, straighten me out?
00:22:40Come on.
00:22:41Come on.
00:22:42Put these gloves on.
00:22:44Box around with little Johnny.
00:22:47Little Johnny.
00:22:47They call him the Masher.
00:22:50Wait a minute.
00:22:51Bring him to me.
00:22:53Richie.
00:22:54Richie.
00:22:54Richie.
00:22:55Get everybody out.
00:22:59So.
00:23:02My sources told me Capella's been moving product into Brooklyn.
00:23:07Capella's man Frankie Brow has been messing with my clerks.
00:23:11Forced him to buy his grated cheese.
00:23:13Yeah?
00:23:14What would your boys do?
00:23:16They're just boys.
00:23:17What could they do?
00:23:18You made them sign the order.
00:23:20And no bug this town.
00:23:23I sell the grated cheese and the garlic powder around in Brooklyn.
00:23:27You don't buy nothing from that Manhattan wannabe.
00:23:30Get him out of here.
00:23:31Come on.
00:23:32Come on.
00:23:32Get up.
00:23:32Get out.
00:23:33Let's go.
00:23:34Come on.
00:23:34Look at these two wannabes and their fake bruises.
00:23:37You two guys are pathetic.
00:23:40Too scared to say what really happened.
00:23:42Not for nothing boss.
00:23:43We were doing good until a dozen ninjas attacked us.
00:23:46Ninjas?
00:23:47Yeah boss.
00:23:47They like, they came out of the shadows.
00:23:49Capella must have made a deal with that hung fat.
00:23:52The Italian and the Chinese working together.
00:23:55You know?
00:23:55It's unprecedented but not impossible given the tensions between the Italians.
00:24:00What are we gonna do boss?
00:24:01Well, we got hundreds of olive oil cans around.
00:24:05Maybe we put them all over Chinatown.
00:24:07Oh, olive oil.
00:24:08Capella's racking.
00:24:09Right.
00:24:09Chinese don't buy Italian.
00:24:11We need an inside man.
00:24:13Someone expendable.
00:24:14I'm proud to go to war with Capella.
00:24:16Exactly.
00:24:16And while they're knocking each other off, we're gonna move right in.
00:24:19Hey.
00:24:19We need an Italian that looks a little Chinese.
00:24:22Kinda like a crossover.
00:24:23That's a good idea.
00:24:25Go see who you can see.
00:24:26Who are we gonna trust boss?
00:24:28It's not about who we can trust.
00:24:30It's about who's dumb enough to do it.
00:24:35The highly effective made guy instills fear through intimidation and allows no one to refuse him.
00:24:41He lets his will be known.
00:24:43But until a made guy can say deeply and honestly,
00:24:48I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.
00:24:51He cannot say, I've chosen the path of the made guy.
00:25:10There's O'Greedy sneaking into Yamcha Tong.
00:25:14Hung Fat's Triad headquarters in the back of a restaurant.
00:25:17This guy's playing all sides.
00:25:22You come here, get us in trouble.
00:25:28The damn Italians can't work themselves out.
00:25:32The numbers are down and they're bringing attention to the operation.
00:25:36What is your pain?
00:25:37We partner to push out the Italians, keep the profits and the provolone.
00:25:45And what do you want?
00:25:48Enough cash to bribe some officials and you to find a way to get your products into Little Italy and
00:25:53Brooklyn.
00:25:57Okay.
00:26:01Ming!
00:26:03Money!
00:26:09No?
00:26:17Thanks a lot.
00:26:24Me and you.
00:26:25Us.
00:26:27Together.
00:26:28What more could a girl want?
00:26:31Power, fame, fortune.
00:26:33And I'm working up.
00:26:34I told you.
00:26:35You're working up.
00:26:35You always say you're working up.
00:26:36You're not even working.
00:26:37Look at the car, Tina.
00:26:39Look at the car.
00:26:39I feel like it's a rental.
00:26:41Well get out of here.
00:26:42Tina doll, I've come for you.
00:26:44Hey, get your stinking hands off my car.
00:26:46I'm talking over here.
00:26:48Hey.
00:26:48I'm Vinny Chow.
00:26:49Independent associate.
00:26:51Uh, ain't you the guy who was trying to pick me up with a hot link?
00:26:54Uh, no.
00:26:55Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was you.
00:26:57Uh, we all look alike.
00:26:58That's true.
00:27:00Are you sure?
00:27:02I said we're busy.
00:27:04Now scram.
00:27:05Hey, don't interfere with family business.
00:27:08I'm working for Al Capella.
00:27:10Oh, well, hold on.
00:27:12You're working for Mr. Al Capella?
00:27:14Well, I'm not working for Al Capella.
00:27:16Well, I'm not working for Al Capella.
00:27:20Yeah.
00:27:21Are you even Italian?
00:27:23You talking to me?
00:27:24Now get out of here.
00:27:26Tina, get in the car.
00:27:27Hold on.
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:29A girl could get far with a guy connected to the Don.
00:27:32I'm gonna go shake down a deli.
00:27:33You're coming with me.
00:27:35See you around, Rocco.
00:27:36Tina, get in the car.
00:27:38Tina, forget about it.
00:27:42Hey, kid, don't you know drinking all that soda's bad for you?
00:27:46Yeah, my grandfather lived to be 80.
00:27:49Did he drink a lot of soda?
00:27:50No, he minded his own business.
00:27:52Oh, you little wise guy.
00:27:53Get out of here.
00:27:54Hey, get over you little...
00:27:55Hit the road.
00:27:56Next!
00:27:58Reagan-o.
00:27:59$3.99.
00:28:00He's crazy.
00:28:01And it stinks.
00:28:16What are you doing, Vin?
00:28:18You know, you gotta watch what you eat these days.
00:28:21It's dry pasta.
00:28:23Those hydrogenated oils and trans fats.
00:28:27Forget about it.
00:28:29Sure.
00:28:30Whatever.
00:28:31Now go demand some money so you can take me shopping.
00:28:33And then maybe I'll take you somewhere.
00:28:40Do something or I'm leaving.
00:28:42Maybe I could still catch Rocco.
00:28:51Hey, are you Salami?
00:28:54For Christ's sake, I'm counting money here.
00:28:56Hey, we're a lovely couple.
00:28:58You like 69?
00:29:00I love beef and broccoli.
00:29:03I'm Vinny Chow, Independent Associate of Al Capella.
00:29:07I'm here to collect 300 large.
00:29:09I'm 300 large.
00:29:10Vinny Chow, what kind of name is that?
00:29:12I never heard of no Chinese with an Italian name.
00:29:15Just because someone looks a certain way.
00:29:17Vinny, give me a break, you.
00:29:19I'm here to collect.
00:29:20You don't pay, I gotta get rough.
00:29:23You're not even Italian!
00:29:24All right, I'll tell you what.
00:29:25Get anything you want, and I'll give you 30% off.
00:29:29You offering me a discount?
00:29:30I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:32You offering me a discount.
00:29:34Are you hard of hearing?
00:29:35I'm offering you a discount.
00:29:37I'm here shaking you down,
00:29:38and you want me to spend my money here.
00:29:41That's my one and only offer.
00:29:43Try the veal, I'm here all week.
00:29:45Next!
00:29:46Oh, buddy.
00:29:47Your glasses are thicker than my provolone.
00:29:50Get out of here!
00:29:51All right.
00:29:52I'll take a pound of provolone.
00:29:54Coming right up.
00:29:56That's how you do business at Salami's Deli.
00:29:58You're not very good at this, Vin.
00:30:01Why do I need to explain this?
00:30:03Uh, because I'm holding groceries,
00:30:04and you borrowed 20 bucks from me.
00:30:06Whoa.
00:30:07You let me handle the finances.
00:30:09Oh, you ain't gonna be handling nothing
00:30:11if you keep this up.
00:30:16Hey, Ma.
00:30:17We brought you some things.
00:30:19Did you go to Salami's today?
00:30:21Who's gotta ask me this?
00:30:22What?
00:30:24It was 30 off today!
00:30:27Oh.
00:30:28Sorry.
00:30:30Thank you for bringing the stuff over.
00:30:47Get in the car.
00:30:48I said get in the car.
00:30:55Get off of there!
00:30:56Get off of there!
00:30:57Come on!
00:30:58Come on!
00:30:58Come on!
00:30:59Come on!
00:30:59Come on!
00:30:59Come on!
00:30:59Come on!
00:31:00Come on!
00:31:00Get him in there!
00:31:05Look at this.
00:31:08Look at me, you.
00:31:09You think this is a big joke, huh?
00:31:11No.
00:31:11This is no joke.
00:31:12This is kind of funny, though.
00:31:13Am I right?
00:31:14Oh, yeah?
00:31:14You think what I do is funny?
00:31:16Or maybe you think I'm funny.
00:31:17Funny how?
00:31:18What?
00:31:19No.
00:31:20I...
00:31:20I know what it is, you little rat.
00:31:22You think you're the godfather.
00:31:23Or maybe you think you're the freakin' Pope of Greenwich Village, eh?
00:31:26I'm just trying to prove myself mob-worthy.
00:31:28This ain't the Sopranos, kid.
00:31:30I don't care what you do on the other side of Canal Street.
00:31:32But over here, nobody messes with Al Capella.
00:31:35I had enough of you.
00:31:36Get the bats.
00:31:37With pleasure.
00:31:38Please.
00:31:40No, no, no, no.
00:31:41That, that, that bat.
00:31:43Get the wax.
00:31:43Not that one.
00:31:45No, not that one either.
00:31:47Cheese.
00:31:47You want to hit him with cheese?
00:31:49That's too expensive.
00:31:51That's the one.
00:31:52Crack him.
00:31:53No cheese.
00:31:54No.
00:31:59All right, that's enough.
00:32:02Now get him out of here.
00:32:03Ay-yah.
00:32:04Why do you pursue them?
00:32:06Where's the motivation?
00:32:08Every child wants to feel special.
00:32:11My parents with all their offspring.
00:32:14But that's all maid guys getting attention and respect.
00:32:17Your family never rejected you.
00:32:21And Mei is there for you.
00:32:23No wise guy ever had a Chinese girl on his arm.
00:32:27You are disturbed in so many ways.
00:32:32So, what about your wounds?
00:32:35I went to ask my master for help.
00:32:38Ah, of course you did.
00:32:42I knew Sifu would fix me up without all the questions.
00:32:45What happened?
00:32:46I was admiring the majestic cherry blossoms when my bike flipped.
00:32:50If you were to wrap up your kung fu, it won't be happening.
00:32:56Ah.
00:32:58Well, you're going to start using you.
00:32:59That's all the machine.
00:33:01He taught me about body pulse once used to heal or hurt someone.
00:33:21Hey.
00:33:30I'll rest.
00:33:37Vincent!
00:33:38I have to stay.
00:33:40It's difficult.
00:33:41I came as soon as I could.
00:33:44I got something to do with frosting.
00:33:46It steals me.
00:33:49What happened?
00:33:50Follow the bike!
00:33:53You don't have a bike.
00:33:57Ice cream?
00:34:12I wanted to get the best jade bracelet for my girl.
00:34:16And Ting's was just the place.
00:34:32Best place for Chinese ice cream.
00:34:34They have lychee with red beans,
00:34:36and sweet and sour sauce,
00:34:38and no MSG.
00:34:40Now I look like an asshole.
00:34:43Why?
00:34:43I didn't open the door.
00:34:45It's alright.
00:34:46I can buy you ice cream.
00:34:56Go knock, Valerie. Exciting.
00:34:59I know.
00:35:01The opening is in a week.
00:35:03Would you go with me?
00:35:05Sure.
00:35:07Promise?
00:35:08You did all these?
00:35:11Yup. All of them.
00:35:13You're really talented.
00:35:16Thank you for noticing.
00:35:19You have so many admirers.
00:35:20Why aren't you dating?
00:35:23I guess I just had my heart set on one special guy
00:35:26for as long as I can remember.
00:35:29You know how you feel, May.
00:35:34Vincent, I...
00:35:34No matter how hard I try,
00:35:36I just can't get Tina to fall for me.
00:35:41Have you tried to be yourself, Vincent?
00:35:44I mean, why try to be like others?
00:35:47You're perfect as you are.
00:35:49I don't expect you to understand.
00:35:53To understand you can live Italian when you're Chinese?
00:35:56Did not acting Chinese stop Warner Olin from being Charlie Chan?
00:35:59He was acting for television, playing a stereotype.
00:36:02Like you're doing right now
00:36:03because you think a certain kind of girl will like you.
00:36:06It's not real.
00:36:08You pretend to be nice, May.
00:36:10You're judgmental like the rest.
00:36:12Vincent, I would never...
00:36:13I need some air.
00:36:16I'm gonna have lunch with Joey anyway.
00:36:19Please don't go.
00:36:21Men at some time are masters of their fates.
00:36:24The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
00:36:28but in ourselves that we are underlings.
00:36:37Well, thank you, my darlings.
00:36:39Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:36:41Wait, who has the flyers for the show?
00:36:52My mom says hi, and this is for you.
00:36:56Oh, I love me some Mexican.
00:36:59Afternoon, Joseph.
00:37:00What's going on, Lawrence?
00:37:02Oh, you look horrendous.
00:37:05And you look like you could use some stress relief.
00:37:09Here.
00:37:10Let me get those shoulders.
00:37:13Hey, Lawrence.
00:37:14Oh, it's never easy, is it?
00:37:18Anyway, here are some flyers for our new production of Julius Caesar.
00:37:22Come down to the playhouse and play with us sometime.
00:37:25Asians don't look good in tights.
00:37:27Yeah?
00:37:28Says you, Lord.
00:37:31Those bags under your eyes are bigger than a queen's purse.
00:37:35I am offended by this.
00:37:37Blech.
00:37:37Do yourself and me a favor and apply some Preparation H.
00:37:42His eyes are swollen, not his ass.
00:37:46It constricts swollen tissues, sweetie.
00:37:48Oh, um, do you mind taping these to the tops of pizza boxes so they go out with deliveries?
00:37:53Yeah, put a snack over there.
00:37:54Ah, you are dull.
00:37:57Okay.
00:37:57I take my leave of you.
00:37:59I will see you Saturday at brunch.
00:38:00Yeah, forget about it.
00:38:02Okay, bye.
00:38:02Yeah.
00:38:03What's with you anyway, man?
00:38:04I'm just feeling down.
00:38:06Maroon.
00:38:08You didn't expect to do what you did and not get roughed up, did you?
00:38:11I mean, trying to extort a pound of provolone on Capella's corner?
00:38:14Yeah, I was doing it for Tina.
00:38:17Anyways, May and I had a fight.
00:38:19Well, whatever it is, she's probably right.
00:38:21The people close to you don't like to see you get hurt.
00:38:24No.
00:38:25Put a word in with your uncle.
00:38:27If Capella won't take me, maybe condimental will?
00:38:35That's a big request.
00:38:37I know.
00:38:38If it backfires, it'll break your legs, but that's what friends do, right?
00:38:42Wait.
00:38:46All right.
00:38:48I can talk for them.
00:39:02Hung Fat had the idea of relabeling ramen noodles as Marco Polo pasta and moving them into Little Italy.
00:39:18I'm sorry.
00:39:21Hey.
00:39:27Hi.
00:39:28Hi.
00:39:39We are all definite now with the Vietnamese monk.
00:39:41If not 30 years old, it looks masterful.
00:39:42The Italians stole our noodles.
00:39:50Call it spaghetti.
00:39:52We must steal it back.
00:39:54Japanese ramen.
00:39:57Why not Chinese noodles?
00:40:00You're not sure.
00:40:01We certainly have to respect our Chinese products.
00:40:05So we have to use Japanese ramen to deceive them.
00:40:09Right?
00:40:13Stupid fool.
00:40:15We must respect our noodles.
00:40:17We use Japanese to fool Italians.
00:40:25That might work for a while,
00:40:28but we'll need a better plan to ruin them.
00:40:32I want all their territory.
00:40:35All of it.
00:40:36Everything is good.
00:40:38Our trucks are ready to deliver first thing tomorrow.
00:40:41I've got men in place to arrest the Italians
00:40:43if they start trouble,
00:40:45disturbing the peace and all that.
00:40:48New York will be ours.
00:40:50A lot of people don't want to kill us.
00:40:51Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:40:53Aaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:40:55Aaaah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:40:58Aaaaah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:40:59Menu.
00:41:00I don't see who has a daughter.
00:41:01No that's right.
00:41:05No!
00:41:20Eh!
00:43:15Hey, well, listen, we're drawing up the sauce over here at the kitchen council area now, and we're using all
00:43:20your spices to make it, and we're going to sell it in the supermarkets, and here's the best part.
00:43:24I get 10%.
00:43:2510? Well, if you only want 10, but we got you in for 20.
00:43:29Oh, you're beautiful. Thanks.
00:43:30And Capella thinks he's in for a bigger 5%, and that's it for him.
00:43:34You did the right thing. You made the right decision. You know, I had my doubts about you, but you
00:43:37did good, you know, right?
00:43:38Listen, I hope so.
00:43:40All right, we'll talk later.
00:43:41All right, you take care. All right?
00:43:42Okay, goodbye. All right.
00:43:43Oh!
00:43:44Yeah, like an animal over there, huh?
00:43:47Like a drink, like a man, like a man.
00:43:50This horse.
00:43:51You see this guy, JoJo? He used to work for Capella. Now he's with us. He understands.
00:43:57He may understand, but does he remember? And where are my two leaders?
00:44:03Understanding is not enough. You need to control him.
00:44:09I control him. You see how much he shows me respect?
00:44:12That's reactionary. If you're going to win this war, you need to be proactive.
00:44:18Start moving product into new territory.
00:44:21Slash the tires of your competition and take over their routes.
00:44:25I'm doing everything you want me to do, but I need more insurances.
00:44:29I'll make sure you men don't get arrested. You gotta up the effort.
00:44:38Boy.
00:44:39That was weird.
00:44:40Tell me, huh?
00:44:41Do me a favor. Go to the pharmacy. Pick me up some meds, huh?
00:44:45And some extra strength, little blue pills.
00:44:47Blue pills.
00:44:49Hey, what do you have a problem with your pipes and your equipment?
00:44:52But, Fongool, it's my 25-year-old girlfriend and those fried empanadas.
00:44:56I can't resist either.
00:44:58Why don't you try these? They work for me.
00:45:08Hey, yeah.
00:45:09Yeah, how you doing, Joey?
00:45:11Uh-huh. How's your mom?
00:45:13Good, good. Yeah, yeah.
00:45:15Yeah, shoot.
00:45:16Oh, really?
00:45:19All right, I'll see what I can do.
00:45:21What's that? You got that look.
00:45:25That was my nephew. You won't believe what he just asked me. It's like a miracle from the Lord.
00:45:30How is that?
00:45:31He's got this friend who's got that specific look we were talking about. He wants a job.
00:45:37Why don't you ask the guy to meet us at the diner. I'll be in the back listening in, okay?
00:45:47Joey, thank you so much for talking to your uncle for me.
00:45:50It's okay. It's okay. He said he had a, uh, a dangerous job for a unique type of individual.
00:45:54Dangerous.
00:45:56You want this or not?
00:45:59Yeah, you have.
00:46:08That guy don't give up.
00:46:14All right, we got a lemon lime. We got a cherry. And we got a regular. Anything else?
00:46:23Never grab another man's beverage.
00:46:28It appears that you, Mr. Chow, are uniquely qualified for a very special job.
00:46:34Thank you, Uncle Eddie. May I call you uncle?
00:46:37No, you may not.
00:46:39No, of course not. Uh, Mrs. Soda.
00:46:48Hey, pay attention over here.
00:46:50Hey!
00:46:51You don't snap at me.
00:46:53Look, you got this or what?
00:46:56Because I gotta go.
00:46:59Be at my place. It's seven o'clock tonight.
00:47:01Bring us dinner. Do me a favor, Tina. Don't be late. Okay?
00:47:11You are not going over there.
00:47:13What can a girl do? It's slim pickings around here.
00:47:15Well, it depends on what you're looking for.
00:47:17What?
00:47:18Every girl deserves a man willing to build a life together.
00:47:22I think you should know that this job presents a unique challenge.
00:47:25It is very dangerous.
00:47:27Do we understand?
00:47:28Vinny's up for any challenge.
00:47:30When we're together, you don't speak unless I tell you. Do you understand?
00:47:41Yeah.
00:47:47Don Contimento wants to talk to you personally. I'm gonna take you back to scene. Okay? Listen. You act cool
00:47:55and you don't make a scene. We don't want any undue attention. Do we understand?
00:48:00Yeah. Of course. For sure.
00:48:10What's wrong with you? I told you to be cool. You wrinkled my jacket.
00:48:15Sorry. I didn't know take you to the back meant one booth.
00:48:20Come on. Get in there, the two of you. Sit down.
00:48:27Move over. Come on.
00:48:31I understand you're looking for a job with the family. I understand you're willing to do what it takes to
00:48:39earn a position in the family. I understand that you don't ask questions.
00:48:44Yes, Mr. Contimento. No, no, no. You don't talk to me. In fact, you never met me. If you got
00:48:51something to say, you say to Eddie here.
00:48:55Please tell Mr. Contimento I said yes, sir.
00:48:58You will distribute 300 gallons of olive oil in Chinatown. Clean and simple.
00:49:04This is unorthodox. Never been done. And you don't mess up. Or you will face serious consequences. Serious consequences for
00:49:13you and your family.
00:49:14Do we understand?
00:49:17Yes. You won't regret this.
00:49:19You don't talk to nobody. Nobody. About this arrangement. Huh?
00:49:25Do we understand?
00:49:27Enough with this do we understand. I think he understands.
00:49:31Sorry, boss. You know how I get when I don't have my soda.
00:49:34Do we understand?
00:49:38All right. Leave now. Come on. Get out of here.
00:49:50I think that went really well. Yeah?
00:49:59You know, I think we just found someone stupid enough to do this.
00:50:05I think we did.
00:50:07You gotta watch all that sugar. You're gonna catch the diabetes.
00:50:12I use protection.
00:50:16Because I got four skippers coming in. Still, one of them, I think, is working for Condimento. We gotta find
00:50:21out who it is.
00:50:25All right. Well, I gotta get going, boss.
00:50:27You ain't going nowhere. Sit down.
00:50:29Why? What's up?
00:50:31You might have to make funeral arrangements for somebody.
00:50:34For no arrangements. For who? Who died?
00:50:44I don't know yet.
00:50:47Look at me.
00:50:53Look at me.
00:50:59What I gotta deal with.
00:51:03What are you looking away for?
00:51:05Al.
00:51:07Can you let me off the hook, please?
00:51:09For old time's sake.
00:51:11Joe Joe.
00:51:13I love you.
00:51:20God bless you, pal.
00:51:28Ave Maria, grazia plena.
00:51:36Things good, huh?
00:51:38You get the message.
00:51:39Maria, grazia plena.
00:51:46I just had the greatest day.
00:51:49Mae, I'm sorry about yesterday.
00:51:50I just was a little anxious about things.
00:51:52Tell us about your day.
00:51:54Yes.
00:51:55Where have you been, Vincent?
00:51:57You're supposed to be here at noon to watch your siblings.
00:52:00I had a job interview.
00:52:02An interview?
00:52:04What position?
00:52:06Delivering olive oil.
00:52:08Italian olive oil, huh?
00:52:10How much do they pay you?
00:52:12It's a trial period.
00:52:15Forget about it.
00:52:16Oh, boy.
00:52:17Did you hear this?
00:52:18The Italians are making slave labor of the stupid among us.
00:52:23Oh, Lord.
00:52:24I'm dying over here.
00:52:26What happened to your Chinese accent, Vincent?
00:52:28I was raised in New York, Ma.
00:52:30I never had a Chinese accent.
00:52:31You too much spaghetti when he's out.
00:52:34Vincent, my gal is in a couple of days.
00:52:37Promise to escort me?
00:52:40I'll be there, Mayor.
00:52:41I promise.
00:52:41Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a really big day tomorrow.
00:52:48When he comes around, the world will finally make sense.
00:52:53We only wish the best for Vincent.
00:52:56But why you wait for him is a great mystery.
00:53:00That's all I can do.
00:53:02I love his authenticity.
00:53:04He lives from his heart.
00:53:05If only his authentic heart produce authentic jobs.
00:53:11There I was, pushing Italian olive oil in Chinatown.
00:53:14My first stop was Lu's Herbal Shop.
00:53:28Vincent.
00:53:30What have you got there?
00:53:31Ancient Lu.
00:53:32This is olive oil.
00:53:34Difficult product to sell in Chinatown.
00:53:36It's the best olive oil money can buy, though.
00:53:39Fresh olives pressed only once.
00:53:41It's called extra virgin.
00:53:43Virgin?
00:53:44We like our virgins.
00:53:45Yeah. How many cases you want?
00:53:48You can infuse them with your tonics.
00:53:49My herbs make a limp man solid.
00:53:52Your father, best customer.
00:53:55Enormous libido.
00:53:57Makes his back weak.
00:53:59Cause and effect, you know?
00:54:00Sure.
00:54:01Because you're so good to my father, I'll give you a discount.
00:54:05You're a good son.
00:54:06You look after your parents, and you care for their health.
00:54:11That is honorable.
00:54:14Thanks, Ancient One, but I...
00:54:20Your father has good credit here.
00:54:25Ancient Lu is just so darn polite and spiritual.
00:54:28Go.
00:54:29Or did he just hustle me?
00:54:31Or did he just hustle me?
00:54:44Hey, how you doing?
00:54:46You want some olive oil?
00:54:48Huh?
00:54:48You want some olive oil?
00:54:50No.
00:54:50No.
00:54:51No?
00:54:52Hey, you sure?
00:55:03This was an actual job with the mob.
00:55:06But no one was taking the oil.
00:55:25I just had to prove myself I couldn't fail it's time to use intimidation and force the noodle
00:55:31maker to buy olive oil I don't buy peanut oil only I got a full shipment of olive oil
00:55:37I tell you I have plenty of oil here no no no I give the orders around here we'll tell
00:55:42your little boys to go stock it
00:55:55you go now I call Mr. Hongbat forget about it forget about nothing I hate you again waste my time
00:56:08yeah ginger fresh yeah just come in oh look at this lettuce huh organic
00:56:21excellent okra yeah good so you're here huh
00:56:33yes look at this oranges huh fresh just dropping off some things from the engine
00:56:42got some things in there for my two all right oh yeah it's nice oh my gosh sorry huh
00:56:56yeah take this one this one hold not broken
00:56:59yeah
00:57:00don't worry we have all our phones all have records
00:57:02not like the Italians who are so far from using a gun to be偷ed
00:57:06and how can we all have the police in our video
00:57:08I love oil in Chinatown Vincent Chao
00:57:14I can't deal with him.
00:57:16He made me just out!
00:57:17Now!
00:57:19Don Gordon, knock it off.
00:57:21Sit down.
00:57:23This is very important today.
00:57:26Don Vincenzo's coming in from Sicily
00:57:27to set things right between the crews.
00:57:30Condimento's got no power, though.
00:57:32Well, he's got enough juice to bring the dine-in
00:57:33on special occasion, doesn't he?
00:57:35Yeah.
00:57:36Here's what we're gonna do.
00:57:37We're gonna pick him up at the airport.
00:57:38You got it?
00:57:39I'm gonna show him the ledger.
00:57:41I gotta be very persuasive.
00:57:43You two get the limo ready.
00:57:44Make sure it's polished.
00:57:45Make sure the cheese is aged.
00:57:47And you know what?
00:57:48Get some homemade wine.
00:57:49I think the old man will like that, okay?
00:57:51And then go to Chinatown
00:57:52and find out what the hell is going on over there
00:57:55because something ain't kosher.
00:58:00What are you waiting for?
00:58:01Go!
00:58:03They're like the gang that couldn't shoot straight, these two.
00:58:05Where'd you get them?
00:58:14Oh, too many.
00:58:16Oh.
00:58:20May, how are you and Vincent getting it on?
00:58:24Yeah, Auntie is only looking after your future.
00:58:28Vincent has yet to have a nice day.
00:58:29We have hoped that the two of you...
00:58:32Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
00:58:34We just want the best partner for our May.
00:58:37Look at you and your art opening.
00:58:40I know.
00:58:43Dude, oh my God, guys, um, have you heard?
00:58:45Vincent, I mean, Vinny has been hanging out
00:58:48in Little Italy acting like a guido.
00:58:50Is that true, Vincent?
00:58:51Did you act like a guido?
00:58:53No, not like a guido.
00:58:55Mm-hmm.
00:58:56You know, everybody's been talking about it
00:58:57and that, like, he's trying to get this girl
00:58:59who goes around and tries to steal some cheese from a deli?
00:59:02It wasn't stealing anything.
00:59:05May.
00:59:06I can't believe May would just walk out like that.
00:59:08Oh, no.
00:59:09I'll go ahead.
00:59:15May.
00:59:19Forget about that.
00:59:21Tonight is about you.
00:59:23It's your special night.
00:59:27I have loved you my entire life, Vincent.
00:59:29I always thought if I waited long enough,
00:59:32you would recognize your feelings for me, too.
00:59:34Have I only wasted my time?
00:59:38I just never thought.
00:59:40That's just it, Vincent.
00:59:41Why do you think I'm always at your house?
00:59:43I'm there to see you, to spend time with you.
00:59:50You've had so many moments,
00:59:52yet you've been oblivious to them all.
00:59:54That's not true, right?
01:00:02Chad, what's wrong with that son of yours?
01:00:04Yeah, you should love him.
01:00:05He doesn't act Chinese.
01:00:08Vincent.
01:00:09Vincent, carefully.
01:00:11Hung Fat looking for you.
01:00:13Desperia.
01:00:15A few cans, that's all it was.
01:00:17No.
01:00:19You want to think I want to know him.
01:00:22I apologize him.
01:00:23He may crush your bone.
01:00:24But at least he'll live.
01:00:27Right?
01:00:28Make sure you do that.
01:00:29I've been watching from the shadow.
01:00:41Look, Ma, look what that cute Chinese boy gave me.
01:00:44Who?
01:00:45That delivery boy from the other day?
01:00:47He doesn't stand a chance with you.
01:00:49You never know.
01:00:51What is it?
01:00:52You don't like Italians anymore?
01:00:53What, you like Chinese now?
01:00:55You know, Ma, race has got nothing to do with it.
01:01:01Stop already.
01:01:02It's cute.
01:01:03Yeah.
01:01:03It's a little cute.
01:01:04It's cute.
01:01:04It's very small.
01:01:05It's cute.
01:01:15I forgot.
01:01:30Hung Fat was coming for me, Tina started liking me, Mae's mad at me, and my parents were threatened.
01:01:37It's no wonder I ended up in trouble.
01:01:40We're going to see about that, honey.
01:01:44Well, hello, Vincent.
01:01:47Hmm.
01:01:50I think I'm being followed.
01:01:51Things didn't go well?
01:01:52I hardly placed any cans.
01:01:54It's like the Chinese don't speak my language.
01:01:57Okay, enough of this dumbness.
01:02:00What gives?
01:02:01I'm trying to distribute the mob's Italian olive oil in Chinatown.
01:02:04I'm supposed to explain myself to the triads who found out by now following me.
01:02:08Wait, the mob?
01:02:09The triad?
01:02:12Okay, look.
01:02:13I am not one to judge a lifestyle, but damn, this is some crazy shit.
01:02:18I don't want to face Chinese water torture.
01:02:20I don't want to wear cement boots either.
01:02:22I told you family life was dangerous.
01:02:25You got to lay low today.
01:02:27After brunch.
01:02:28Vincent, when the actor embraces their role, the audience just can't resist.
01:02:35They're hooked.
01:02:35Yeah, Vin, you got to walk it like you talk it.
01:02:38And you better speed walk it or we're all going to be in deep shit.
01:02:41I'm not going to be in deep shit.
01:02:42We are going to be in deep shit.
01:02:44Okay.
01:02:44Right.
01:02:45I've come this far.
01:02:46No turning back.
01:02:48Time to play the main guy role.
01:02:50No more eating rice.
01:02:52Mmm.
01:02:52Testify, little brother.
01:02:53No more eating egg rolls.
01:02:55Embrace the wise guy within.
01:03:07Forget about it.
01:03:08It's like if you agree with someone, you know?
01:03:11Like Scarlett Johansson's one great piece of ass.
01:03:14Forget about it.
01:03:16But it also can mean go to hell too.
01:03:18Like, hey, Polly, you got a one-inch pepper.
01:03:20Oh!
01:03:21But sometimes it just means forget about it.
01:03:26Bravo, Vinny.
01:03:28Bravo.
01:03:29Forget about it.
01:03:30Forget about it.
01:03:32You know what you want to order?
01:03:36Never a knife when you need one.
01:03:43Vincencio.
01:03:44Cha-cha!
01:03:52I got this.
01:04:13Actually, I've never invited you out to brunch.
01:04:42Not running back.
01:04:43Vincencio.
01:04:48Freeze!
01:04:51Forget about it!
01:05:01Time's running out, Mr. Vinny.
01:05:03I'm Special Agent Johnson, and this is my partner.
01:05:06Special Agent Johnson.
01:05:08Oh, that's cute.
01:05:09Like, uh, Johnson & Johnson.
01:05:11I love the baby oil.
01:05:12We prefer the two Johnsons.
01:05:15Ooh. Double Dutch fudge. Double, double Dutch fudge.
01:05:19We're with the Department of Food Safety and Hygiene.
01:05:22Is that a real thing?
01:05:24It's been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it, Mr. Chown?
01:05:27Oh, I told him. I told him it would be a bad idea.
01:05:30That was some crazy-ass triad shit.
01:05:33I know there, Mr. Lawrence. Your martial arts skills are pretty good.
01:05:37Well, you know.
01:05:40I'm just trying to uphold a long line of black martial arts heroes.
01:05:43Like Ron Van Cleef, The Black Dragon?
01:05:46Jim Kelly in Into the Dragon and as Black Bell Jones.
01:05:50Wesley Snipes in Blade?
01:05:51Oh, oh! And Eddie Griffin in Undercover Brother.
01:05:55Oh, geez.
01:05:56What? It's a good film. Uh-huh.
01:05:59Mr. Ching, we've been tracking the Food and Spice Distribution Syndicate
01:06:02of the New York Mob, and we're well aware of your interactions
01:06:05with Capella and Condimento.
01:06:07Commissioner O'Greedy has joined forces with the evil triad leader, Hong Fat,
01:06:10to take over Little Italy.
01:06:12And thanks to your olive oil fiasco, Hong Fat's looking for you.
01:06:17I was just trying to extort some cash and distribute some olive oil cans.
01:06:21And what's with this Ching Chung? My last name is Chow.
01:06:25Sorry. We got you confused with the other Korean gentlemen we were tailing.
01:06:30That's racist. I'm not Korean. I'm Chinese.
01:06:33I thought you were Italian.
01:06:35Only in his mind.
01:06:37You're not helping.
01:06:38I'm just saying.
01:06:40Gentlemen, concentrate. Condimentals set you up to fall like a souffle.
01:06:44Your friends, your family, they're all in danger.
01:06:48We believe we may have a way out for you.
01:06:50And we believe you have the motivation to pull this off.
01:06:55Yes. Anything to protect my family and friends.
01:06:59Good. Vincenzo Cento, the Sicilian don of all dons, will be arriving in New York to broker a meeting between
01:07:06Condimento and Capella.
01:07:07That's where you come in, Mr. Chow.
01:07:10What?
01:07:10We need their ledgers showing where to get the products, how they're stored, and what the real exploration dates are.
01:07:16And everybody involved. We need all this stuff to nail these guys.
01:07:21But what does that have to do with me?
01:07:22We need you to go undercover. Deep undercover. Infiltrate the mob and get those ledgers. We need you to impersonate
01:07:32the Don.
01:07:34No way. I've seen the movies. You go in alive and you come out dead. And it's usually your best
01:07:40friend who does it. I don't want to put Joey through that pressure.
01:07:45I appreciate that.
01:07:47I couldn't even extort provolone. And I don't even look Italian.
01:07:51A white guy played Charlie Chan. I believed him.
01:07:54Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:07:55Besides, no one's seen the Don. There's not one photo of him.
01:07:58And your friend Lawrence here is pretty good with makeup. He could actually make you look like the Don.
01:08:04Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Hell no. No. That shit ain't gonna work.
01:08:11Thanks, Lawrence.
01:08:13Well...
01:08:13Johnson's alright, though. This is the only way we can fix it. What would Shakespeare do?
01:08:24Though this be madness, yet there is method in it. Ah, what the hell. Besides, I might like me an
01:08:32Italian gangster to rough me up. Mm-hmm. I'm looking at you, Vinny Chow.
01:08:38Okay, gentlemen. So, we have an agreement?
01:08:43Yeah. Excellent. Let's do it. Whoa, whoa! Charlie Chan's a white guy?
01:08:50Oh, shit.
01:09:01This is the big moment to be the Don.
01:09:07It's do or die.
01:09:16We've never met. We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you came from here for
01:09:23counsel or for help.
01:09:25Godfather, I must say, we are so grateful for your counsel. It's truly our loss that you are so far
01:09:32away in the old country.
01:09:34How did this happen? A rivalry within the family.
01:09:38Hey, I sell the spices and the herbs, but this greedy Acapola, he's like a little baby boy. He wants
01:09:46all the candy for himself. Look.
01:09:49Product out big. Profit in small. Invoices from Brooklyn paid. Invoices from Manhattan, not paid.
01:09:58Mm-hmm. You're giving me a lot of answers, but you're not giving me the right ones.
01:10:04I gotta say, boss, I think the Don is right. I think we should cooperate.
01:10:08Yeah, well, this bum is full of shit because he's taking way more than he deserves from the back end.
01:10:13You wanna see?
01:10:14Yeah, Godfather. Excuse me. Take a look at this.
01:10:24I'd like to run this bum out of town, but you know what would happen?
01:10:27The Chinese would detect that we got weakness in the family, and then they'd run in right away with their
01:10:33gingers and their spices. Five spices, in fact.
01:10:37How about them mooshu pancakes, huh? Fluffy, am I right?
01:10:41Fluffy. Mooshu pancakes.
01:10:43Forget about it. Fluffy. Mooshu pancakes.
01:10:46There's nothing quite like a good pasta and sauce.
01:10:50Pasta? Who calls it pasta?
01:10:52There's spaghetti and there's macaroni. Forget about it.
01:10:55This tastes like freakin' cardboard. Do me a favor, sweetheart. Get the box, huh? Let me look at this.
01:11:01What brand?
01:11:03Marco Polo, what is this shit?
01:11:04What's up?
01:11:06Roman King, you believe this? Get it out of here.
01:11:09Clear the table.
01:11:13I knew it. I knew it. He's a fake.
01:11:15It's that wannabe Vinnie Chow.
01:11:17Get the bastard!
01:11:24Oh!
01:11:26Oh!
01:11:33Oooo!
01:11:34Jack!
01:11:35Ah!
01:11:39Get him!
01:11:53he's working for the triads i knew it i thought nobody makes a fool of capella and gets away with
01:12:00it get online pal because he's got your ledger too what get the chinaman
01:12:07that's it i'm calling luca he's calling luca he's calling luca for jolly
01:12:17hang on you just got lucky wait on round two yeah oh boss do me a favor huh get the
01:12:24stilettos the guns
01:12:25the knives whatever you got and bring them down here and i want you to grab johnny t produce joe
01:12:31donnie the baker and salami the deli man all right deli man what's that fat rat bastard gonna do sit
01:12:37on him we need manpower shut up ask them to call up the rest of my guys here i got
01:12:43i got no service
01:12:44here okay yeah and do me a favor call condomendo's garlic goombas all right this idiot forgot to
01:12:49charge his phone again what else is new i had a busy day i ain't got no time to charge
01:12:53a phone
01:12:54call you're probably calling the broads
01:13:13what was that the sound of one hand cupping
01:13:21three against one you are a very careful young man you can use a ton of guys
01:13:28you can use a ton of guys you can use a ton of guys you can use a ton of
01:13:32guys you can use a ton of guys
01:13:34i wasn't really working for them it was just a trial trial
01:13:53i was just trying to impress a girl get a little respect and make a little money
01:13:58you out of all people should understand that
01:14:00wrong
01:14:10no one guessed
01:14:13million
01:14:14china town
01:14:15hold on
01:14:24listen
01:14:25wait
01:14:28what
01:14:29what
01:14:30there are a lady here in the box
01:14:32there are some people from the bar with me
01:14:33calling me the old manpower shut up
01:14:34and let's get him a turn
01:14:40man you okay
01:14:41man you okay
01:14:41forget about me what about vincent
01:14:43yeah we're gonna help him
01:14:44we're gonna help him
01:14:44we're gonna take a look at him
01:14:45wait guys frid
01:14:46those ropes are thick i'm tiny
01:14:48oh you're very soft
01:14:49you think i'm fat
01:14:50is that why vincent doesn't like me because i'm fat
01:14:54uncle you're very hard
01:14:56you guys got problems
01:14:58you guys got problems
01:14:59Hey.
01:14:59Hey.
01:15:02Hey.
01:15:03Hey.
01:15:03Hey.
01:15:03You OK?
01:15:04Hey.
01:15:04Hey.
01:15:06Hey.
01:15:08Hey.
01:15:09There's no time.
01:15:11I have to get Hung Fat's ledger.
01:15:14Get that to the agents.
01:15:15I'm going to Hung Fat's warehouse.
01:15:17Call Lawrence.
01:15:18Sifu, let's go.
01:15:19Hey.
01:15:46Good luck.
01:15:47Stop stopping.
01:15:49They are sina Haus,
01:16:05Oh, there's that wannabe Chinese wise guy! Get him!
01:16:15You know what? We're too old for this.
01:16:17You ain't kidding. My back is killing me. Let's go sit down.
01:16:20What's the matter? You got sciatica or something?
01:16:21I got something. I don't know. My leg is hurting.
01:16:23Well, I know there's a masseuse, you know.
01:16:25Yeah? Yeah, come on.
01:16:26Should we do happy ending?
01:16:27Oh, yeah.
01:17:04Let's go.
01:17:05Okay.
01:17:13Let's go.
01:17:43Vincent?
01:17:51Vincent?
01:17:57Vincent?
01:18:05Vincent?
01:18:06Vincent?
01:18:07Vincent?
01:18:09Vincent?
01:18:20Vincent?
01:18:22No!
01:18:22No!
01:18:23No!
01:18:24No!
01:18:24No!
01:18:25No!
01:18:31No!
01:18:35No!
01:18:40Let's go.
01:19:32Look at the way they fight.
01:19:33They don't fight like we used to.
01:19:35Yeah, I taught you everything you know.
01:19:36Yeah, I know.
01:19:37You taught me the 1-5-1-5.
01:19:39Two, three, and four, right guard.
01:19:40Thanks a lot.
01:19:41Me?
01:20:08Good job, officers.
01:20:10I have intel that'll put these gangsters away for life.
01:20:16I'm on your side.
01:20:18That damn Vincent Chao.
01:20:21He can say forget about it, just not in Chinese.
01:20:24His mom sent him out for low main and came back with penne.
01:20:28Hey, what the hell's going on?
01:20:31What's this?
01:20:33You played me like a puppet.
01:20:35Yeah, and it was a good plan too, huh?
01:20:37Am I right?
01:20:37Am I right?
01:20:38What do you think of me now, Mr. Capella?
01:20:40You surprised us all, you freak of rat.
01:20:43You'll get yours.
01:20:44What do you got, shoe polish on your eye?
01:20:47Come on, don't be so rough, huh?
01:20:49Can I get a soda?
01:20:50Come on, I feel a little parched.
01:20:52Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
01:20:57ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:21:03Mr. Chao, couple questions for you.
01:21:07I'll meet you outside in a minute.
01:21:14Well, Vin, you're even more powerful than the mob.
01:21:17A girl could really have a future connected to a guy like you.
01:21:33I always lose the good one.
01:21:52Now do you see my problem?
01:21:54Oh, you got a problem.
01:21:57Okay, let's see if we got this.
01:22:00You are a Chinese guy who seek out a gay black man and turn you into an Italian wise guy.
01:22:07You like a girl who has no interest in who you are, but she's Italian and has a nice body.
01:22:15And another girl who likes you for who you are, but you're no interest in her because she's Chinese.
01:22:20You dismiss your Chinese family and culture.
01:22:23And your only friend is an Italian boy who's now Mexican.
01:22:27And you managed to get the Italian and the Chinese mafia trying to kill you.
01:22:33Forget about it!
01:22:36And yet, in the end, you foiled them and become a hero.
01:22:42And now you're in love.
01:22:45Did we miss anything?
01:22:48No, but when you put it that way, it just sounds so unhealthy.
01:22:51Unhealthy, yes, but understandable.
01:22:55I was just looking for acceptance, respect and the love of a woman.
01:23:00And you achieved all that.
01:23:02Not from intimidation, but while being selfless and helping others.
01:23:07I was.
01:23:07But May Saltina kissed me and ran off.
01:23:10I've lost her.
01:23:11You have not lost her?
01:23:13She's waiting for you to come to her.
01:23:19Forget what we say.
01:23:21Wisdom and knowledge is within you.
01:23:27Go.
01:23:28Go.
01:23:29Go.
01:23:29Go get the girl.
01:23:41I couldn't reach May.
01:23:43I called, left her messages, texts and social media posts.
01:23:46She finally texted me to meet her on the rooftop.
01:23:49How can I let her get away?
01:23:52May.
01:23:56I wanted to thank you for everything.
01:23:59And that I've been a real jerk.
01:24:01Yes, you have been.
01:24:03Look, I came all the way from Columbus Park to tell you
01:24:06that you're charismatic, beautiful, and that I want to be with you.
01:24:14What about Tina?
01:24:15What about the mob?
01:24:16Forget all that.
01:24:17I was misled and now I know who I really am.
01:24:22Look, I want you to have this.
01:24:26Are you kidding me?
01:24:27I would never accept a recycled gift.
01:24:30You understand that you can get a girl like me.
01:24:32May.
01:24:33I'm trying my best to tell you that I love you.
01:24:37You're not a very well put together guy, Vincent.
01:24:42Look, a guy's got to look out for his own future.
01:24:46And I want you in mine.
01:24:49He's your real gift mate.
01:24:52My grandmother's Jade Buddha.
01:24:59It's precious.
01:25:13You know, we could make a big family.
01:25:16And start our own La Familia.
01:25:19And take over Lower Manhattan.
01:25:21Better yet, maybe we move down to Philly and infiltrate the cheesesteak business.
01:25:24Ah, forget about it.
01:25:27I didn't see you coming.
01:25:30Until it was too late.
01:25:34I didn't see you coming.
01:25:37I thought I'd have to wait.
01:25:40I didn't see you coming.
01:25:43I thought I would be blue.
01:25:47Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:25:54I didn't know what hit me.
01:25:58Until I hit the ground.
01:26:01I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:05I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:09I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:12I didn't know what hit me.
01:26:12You shook me through and through.
01:26:15Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:26:22I never expected to feel this way again.
01:26:29But it seems we've met and kissed before.
01:26:34Although I cannot tell exactly where or when.
01:26:37I never knew the magic a single kiss could give.
01:26:44I never knew your magic would make my poor heart live.
01:26:50I never knew the magic that only you could do.
01:26:57Because, baby, I never expected you.
01:27:03flame, if you know what hit me.
01:27:11I feel like when you see the happy heart
01:27:12of a fruit cycle.
01:27:14But often, when I was sheltered on you.
01:27:17The next time I immediately went by.
01:27:18I never expected you to受긴 you.
01:27:18I never expected you.
01:27:19prestige Em Ben Sr ventilation,
01:27:19Long any internet leave you?
01:27:19Come through.
01:27:21I never expected you coming.
01:27:23To try and where you're going.
01:27:25Monsieuring, I never expected you.
01:27:26h & I don't know why rien to do.
01:27:39guitar solo
01:28:02I never expected to feel this way again
01:28:09But it seems we've met and kissed before
01:28:13Although I gotta tell exactly where or when
01:28:17I never knew magic a single kiss could give
01:28:23Oh, I never knew your magic would make my whole heart live
01:28:30I never knew the magic that only you could do
01:28:37Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:44Because, baby, I never expected you
01:28:51Because, baby, I never expected you
01:29:00Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:04ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
01:29:06ha ha ha
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