- 23 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:09I'll dance to a monkey all day and night
00:00:12Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:14Wack you, my baby, and you hold me tight
00:00:17Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:19My mama told me it's a crazy dance
00:00:22Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:24Wack buddy buddy baby, now here we dance
00:00:27Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:29Mama told me macken, papa told me macken
00:00:33Suzu who's my monkey too
00:00:34Wack
00:00:35Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:37Hey, hey hey
00:00:38Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:39Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:42Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:45Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:47Hey, monkey monkey
00:00:53Let's go, monkey
00:01:05There'll be, um, black boxes over the X-rated parts.
00:01:13Pornography degrades women through its relentless commodification of female sexuality.
00:01:18The bitter truth is, guys are doing anything for further.
00:01:22I mean, porn's proof, women rule the world.
00:01:25Woo! Pussy! Pussy rule!
00:01:32Porn is just one of the many ways women are devalued in our society.
00:01:38You tell her, sister.
00:01:40I don't want to be a purely bosom-bobbing, posterior-shaking sex object.
00:01:47What's your opinion on feminism?
00:01:49Well, thank God, feminism has faded away.
00:01:51You know, kids today, they could care less about women's rights.
00:01:55It's a man's world again.
00:01:57That's just the way I like it.
00:01:58In fact, 86% of Congress is male.
00:02:01Oh, unbelievable.
00:02:04Why give that ass a platform?
00:02:06Well, you know, that's kind of the point.
00:02:08I wanted to remind people that we're losing ground fast, you know, on abortion rights and wage disparity.
00:02:13Well, the frat boy's an idiot.
00:02:15Cut him.
00:02:16Oh, well, this is the final cut.
00:02:19I thank the feminist collective in the credits.
00:02:21The nudie film clips are awesome.
00:02:33What's he got that I haven't got?
00:02:46Cut.
00:02:47Hmm.
00:02:49Spectacular.
00:02:52Hmm.
00:02:56Could use a little refreshing.
00:02:59Oh, but Ginger and Stacy are twice my rate.
00:03:01Industry standard.
00:03:04Go get a job in any other field.
00:03:06Boys make more than girls.
00:03:09I was the leading man in your last two movies.
00:03:11Both of which tanked.
00:03:14I'm sorry.
00:03:16It's not your fault.
00:03:18You were fabulous.
00:03:22There's so much competition now.
00:03:24We've got to find a new angle.
00:03:27If we don't come up with a home run, they're going to repo the Jag.
00:03:31Jack?
00:03:37Jack.
00:03:47Hello?
00:03:48Hi, Arnie.
00:03:50Hey.
00:03:54I, um, I got a present for you.
00:03:57What?
00:04:07You know what it is, right?
00:04:09No.
00:04:11It's a fertility chart.
00:04:13I've been tracking your temperature.
00:04:15It's a tried and true method.
00:04:30And today is the beginning of your most fertile week.
00:04:42Didn't we just have sex?
00:04:44Last month.
00:04:47Huh.
00:05:18Jillian, don't come on!
00:05:20Hello?
00:05:23Feminism for Dummies, yes.
00:05:25That's my film.
00:05:27Jillian!
00:05:29You're kidding.
00:05:30Really?
00:05:34Yes.
00:05:35Yes, next week?
00:05:38Of course, absolutely.
00:05:41Thank you so much.
00:05:42I mean, um...
00:05:44Merci beaucoup.
00:05:45Merci, madame. Au revoir.
00:05:48Hugh?
00:05:49What?
00:05:50The Cannes Film Festival wants my film for their Critics' Week.
00:05:56They're about to go to press with the program.
00:05:58I gotta...
00:05:58I gotta get to the lab.
00:06:02That's great!
00:06:11A goat?
00:06:11Mr. Mills said I could pay in installments.
00:06:14That's why we fired him!
00:06:19I can't release the print till payment's rendered.
00:06:22I can't possibly owe you $50,000.
00:06:31Oh, my bad.
00:06:33It's $50,029.
00:06:36And 13 cents.
00:06:41Yeah, look, isn't there some way that we could work this out?
00:06:43It just got into Cannes.
00:06:48I'll spot you at 20 if you blow me.
00:06:51Ow!
00:06:52I'm sorry I'm late.
00:06:55What time are our folks getting here?
00:06:57Eight.
00:07:00Are you okay?
00:07:01No.
00:07:03How am I gonna get $50,000 by next week?
00:07:05For what?
00:07:06The lab bill.
00:07:08$50,000.
00:07:10We'll work it out.
00:07:13No!
00:07:14No!
00:07:14What?
00:07:14Not those.
00:07:15Why?
00:07:16Peas are a natural contraceptive.
00:07:18Don't!
00:07:19Hey, come on.
00:07:21Listen, we agree.
00:07:22Honey!
00:07:23We're trying to...
00:07:23Not today.
00:07:24Okay?
00:07:25No!
00:07:26Oh, my God!
00:07:29Oh, Jesus.
00:07:37You...
00:07:38I just got into Cannes.
00:07:42It's my big break.
00:07:43Don't you understand?
00:07:44I know.
00:07:45It's huge.
00:07:47Don't you want to have a family?
00:07:53I do.
00:07:55I do, really.
00:08:01We still have half an hour before they get here.
00:08:14Just a sec.
00:08:18Hi, Judy.
00:08:19Oh, hello, you.
00:08:21Where's my little doo-doo?
00:08:23Oh, she'll be in.
00:08:23Just a sec.
00:08:24Oh, my.
00:08:26Hi, Dick.
00:08:37Oh, you're a specialty.
00:08:41Brandy, my love.
00:08:42Get the reedle.
00:08:43Yes, dear.
00:08:45Oh, that looks so good.
00:08:46That looks great.
00:08:47Ah.
00:08:50What the hell is that?
00:08:52It's organic.
00:08:57Oh, what's that, sweetheart?
00:08:59Oh, it's an equality clock.
00:09:01Make sure that we split yours 50-50.
00:09:04Oh, how interesting.
00:09:08Oh, I think we have enough mugs.
00:09:10Oh, no.
00:09:11Not for a $1,500 bottle of burgundy.
00:09:14Hmm?
00:09:16There you go.
00:09:17I hope it doesn't rain.
00:09:18That tempest is rain, right?
00:09:20I mean, it's a chance to see how it's been involved.
00:09:22I mean, rain, rain.
00:09:24Get a load of the groupies.
00:09:26Who's playing?
00:09:27No way.
00:09:29All those people sleeping in lawn chairs for Shakespeare?
00:09:32It's a lot of intellectuals.
00:09:35It's good.
00:09:39They must be horny.
00:09:42Yeah.
00:09:46I have some really exciting news.
00:09:49Oh, you're pregnant.
00:09:51Oh, I told him, thank God.
00:09:53We've had the whole church praying for you.
00:09:56Whoa.
00:09:57Yeah, yeah.
00:09:58It's about time that you did something right.
00:10:01Dad.
00:10:02Dad.
00:10:02Oh, yeah.
00:10:03Go on, honey.
00:10:07My film was accepted to the Cannes Film Festival.
00:10:15Oh.
00:10:17It's a big honor.
00:10:18Kind of like the Oscars.
00:10:20Fantastic.
00:10:21Oh, oh, that's great.
00:10:22Oh, that's great.
00:10:24Is it the Feminism is Dumb film?
00:10:27Feminism for Dummies.
00:10:29It's ironic.
00:10:31Yeah.
00:10:32Does this mean you're not pregnant?
00:10:35No.
00:10:36Oh.
00:10:36Sorry.
00:10:37Um, there is one problem, though.
00:10:41Well, how's your vaginal mucus?
00:10:45Oh, Judy.
00:10:47This is your fault.
00:10:49Oh, there is nothing shameful about vaginal mucus.
00:10:54The problem is, um, the lab won't release the film because I owe them money.
00:10:59So, um, I was hoping I could borrow some.
00:11:05Well, how much?
00:11:09$50,000.
00:11:22I don't think so.
00:11:27What exactly is vaginal mucus?
00:11:32Oh, well.
00:11:40No one's ever going to see it.
00:11:43After all, that hard work.
00:11:46Don't say that.
00:11:48That's true.
00:11:53What?
00:11:55That's the money I was going to spend on the pizza party for the soccer team.
00:12:01I can't take that.
00:12:04You're the toughest school in the city.
00:12:06I can't take your money from my dumb film.
00:12:10Oh, my God.
00:12:13Oh, dear.
00:12:20There's no tissues, you.
00:12:23Oh, dear.
00:12:24Oh, my God.
00:12:25Jesus.
00:12:30Oh, my God.
00:12:33Oh, my God.
00:12:35Oh, my God.
00:12:37Oh, my God.
00:12:37Oh, my God.
00:12:38Oh, my God.
00:12:38Oh, my God.
00:12:39Oh, my God.
00:12:40Oh, my God.
00:12:41Oh, my God.
00:12:42Oh, my God.
00:12:42Oh, my God.
00:12:43Oh, my God.
00:12:45Oh, my God.
00:12:46Oh, my God.
00:12:59You!
00:13:01What?
00:13:03Oh.
00:13:03Here.
00:13:04Get in.
00:13:05Is this what you...
00:13:06Give him.
00:13:07Whoa.
00:13:07You're so exploitative.
00:13:10They're...
00:13:11I confiscated him.
00:13:12One of my students.
00:13:14Oh.
00:13:14You should be a singer yourself.
00:13:17Come on.
00:13:19Listen.
00:13:20Jillian.
00:13:21What?
00:13:21Give him.
00:13:22They choose their own poses.
00:13:25What?
00:13:26The models.
00:13:26They choose their own poses.
00:13:29False consciousness.
00:13:32It's a...
00:13:37You're right.
00:13:40Punish me.
00:13:43Oh, come on.
00:13:46You made me millions.
00:13:48I mean, who knew malfunctioning robots got man hot?
00:13:53I can make the money, Billy.
00:13:55Good money.
00:13:56Music to my ears, babe.
00:13:58I just need a little start-up capital.
00:14:00Now, listen.
00:14:00Here's the pitch.
00:14:01A series of high-class literary adaptations.
00:14:05All the biggies.
00:14:06You know.
00:14:07Shakespeare.
00:14:08Proust.
00:14:09Deepak Chopra.
00:14:10By famous directors to capture a new porn audience.
00:14:15Horny intellectuals.
00:14:18Great idea.
00:14:20But where's the return on my last investment?
00:14:23You know I love you, babe.
00:14:25But don't ask me to throw good money after bed.
00:14:31Oh.
00:14:35You don't get me started.
00:14:38It's too little sea of money.
00:14:41You know I got a soft spot for you.
00:14:47I want the footage by next week.
00:14:50Now, come on up to my room and help me loosen my check-signing hand.
00:15:05Well, I'm ovulating any day now.
00:15:08And my eggs are, uh, grade A.
00:15:13Extra large.
00:15:14Yeah.
00:15:16Oh.
00:15:16And, uh, when would I get paid?
00:15:18Well, we need to make sure the eggs are viable.
00:15:21Okay.
00:15:21Okay.
00:15:22Oh.
00:15:24All right.
00:15:25Well, uh, thank you.
00:15:26Anyway.
00:15:27Yeah.
00:15:40Oh, yeah.
00:15:42No aneurysms.
00:15:44No fissures.
00:15:44No.
00:15:46Ah, probing.
00:15:47Did the probing take place on or off college campus?
00:15:50Probing?
00:15:51I'm sorry?
00:15:53Oh, I've never had any probing done.
00:15:56Is that my chart you have?
00:16:01Ms. Black.
00:16:02Yeah.
00:16:02Sorry.
00:16:10So you've read the, uh, waivers and you understand the, uh, risks involved.
00:16:14But there's really nothing to worry about.
00:16:19Are you hearing you?
00:16:24I'm sorry.
00:16:25Is it all right if I call you Gilligan?
00:16:29Ah, not another one.
00:16:31Hi.
00:16:32Wait.
00:16:33We're not quite done yet.
00:16:35Gilligan?
00:16:37Gilligan?
00:16:37I-I-I'll be the skipper.
00:16:40I-I-I'll be the skipper.
00:16:49Jillian Black?
00:16:52Mark?
00:16:53Oh, my God.
00:16:55Hey.
00:16:55How are you?
00:16:56How's life?
00:16:57Uh, how's feminism for dummies?
00:16:59We shot that, what, two years ago?
00:17:01Yeah, yeah, but you look great.
00:17:03I-I like the hair.
00:17:06Occupational hazard.
00:17:07Oh, yeah?
00:17:07Are you still doing off-Broadway?
00:17:09Art films, actually.
00:17:10Good money.
00:17:11Wow.
00:17:12Good money in art films?
00:17:13Who's directing?
00:17:14No one you know.
00:17:15Oh, come on.
00:17:16I'm in the trades.
00:17:18So, tell me what's going on with feminism for dummies.
00:17:21Well, we just got into Cannes.
00:17:22Oh, my God.
00:17:24That's amazing.
00:17:25You're going, right?
00:17:25I can't.
00:17:26What? Why?
00:17:27Well, the lab won't give me the film because I owe them the money.
00:17:29So?
00:17:30So, I don't have it.
00:17:32Well, how much is it?
00:17:33I'll lend it to you.
00:17:34Oh, it's $50,000.
00:17:36Wow.
00:17:37Well, that's steep.
00:17:38But, Jillian, we've got to get the cash.
00:17:39This could be my big break.
00:17:49Why don't we just sell a kidney?
00:17:51I don't know.
00:17:51Hell, I'll sell a kidney.
00:17:52Come on.
00:17:53Do the thing.
00:17:54Just once, please.
00:17:57Jesus.
00:18:12Will you autograph?
00:18:14No, no, no.
00:18:14Come on now.
00:18:15Have a good day.
00:18:22Oh, it's so silly.
00:18:24One of my films became kind of a cult hit.
00:18:26Oh, really?
00:18:27Which film?
00:18:28I'd love to see it.
00:18:29The Occupation of Uranus.
00:18:31The Occupation of Chad.
00:18:34Hey, Chad.
00:18:34How's your new ass?
00:18:36Oh!
00:18:39Oh, Michaela, Chad.
00:18:40Jillian, soon-to-be-famous con filmmaker.
00:18:43Oh!
00:18:44What's holiest in me greets what's holiest in you.
00:18:48Michaela's the producer of films for adult audiences.
00:18:51And you?
00:18:51Oh, oh, my films are for adults.
00:18:53Some people say they're too cerebral.
00:18:55Well, we could use them now tomorrow with lights.
00:18:57We've got a tight schedule.
00:18:59Tell her, Martin.
00:19:02Oh, well, you should come to work tomorrow.
00:19:04We could talk up your film.
00:19:05Maybe she'll invest.
00:19:06Really?
00:19:07What filming are you doing?
00:19:08Yeah, some literary thing Chad whipped up.
00:19:11Michaela knows so big money people, Jillian.
00:19:13I'll call you tomorrow if it's a go.
00:19:14Good to see you.
00:19:15Good to see you.
00:19:16Oh.
00:19:21Come on, mama.
00:19:23Come here.
00:19:24Nice.
00:19:26Take your money.
00:19:27Come on.
00:19:30Hey, baby, what are you doing today?
00:19:32Come on.
00:19:34Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:19:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:19:51Come on.
00:19:52Let me introduce you.
00:19:53Okay.
00:19:59This is Shakespeare?
00:20:01Yeah.
00:20:02Quadruple X Shakespeare.
00:20:13Jillian, what about Cam?
00:20:20Hey.
00:20:21I thought for date night we could protest the porn shop and strip club opening down the street from my
00:20:25school.
00:20:28No luck at the banks.
00:20:34No, I'm not giving up.
00:20:39Wake up folks and heed the call.
00:20:41Pornography degrades us all!
00:20:47Why lead lives that are so shoddy?
00:20:49Don't exploit the female body!
00:20:55We gotta get a better champ.
00:20:57Wake up folks and heed the call.
00:20:59Pornography degrades us all!
00:21:01Wake up, folks, and eat the poker.
00:21:03Now their fees ingrates us all.
00:21:05Wake up, folks, and eat the poker.
00:21:07This is Rock Bottom.
00:21:08Boss said no to your payment plan.
00:21:10Your prince sat here six months.
00:21:12You don't pay, we're going to incinerate it with the garbage.
00:21:16All right, tell me, in one sentence, what's your film about?
00:21:22Feminism for Dummies is a critique of do-me feminism.
00:21:26And what is do-me feminism?
00:21:27It's the type of feminism that says if you can get a promotion
00:21:30by wearing high heels and a short skirt
00:21:33in front of your sexist boss, you should go for it.
00:21:36And the problem with that is?
00:21:39Well, the problem is beauty isn't an enduring source of power.
00:21:44Women who are valued for their looks alone
00:21:46lose power as they age, as opposed to men
00:21:48who are valued for their knowledge and experience.
00:21:51Ha! Who's the audience for this?
00:21:54Women.
00:21:55You know, to raise consciousness,
00:21:57and we put some really cool stuff in,
00:21:59like a fantasy smackdown
00:22:01between Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir.
00:22:06One of my dreams is to create an X-rated version
00:22:10of the second sex.
00:22:12You are the director to help me fulfill my vision
00:22:15of creating high-class literary porn.
00:22:20What? I...
00:22:22No, I would not...
00:22:23Don't you see the potential?
00:22:24No, no.
00:22:25Frankly, there is nothing in de Beauvoir
00:22:27or Sartre that lends itself to...
00:22:32titillation.
00:22:33You're kidding.
00:22:33The downtrodden women, the arrogant men,
00:22:35it's all about power, just like good porn.
00:22:38Michaela,
00:22:39somehow our conversation got on the wrong track.
00:22:41Um, I need money to get my film out of the lab,
00:22:46and I was hoping that you might want to invest.
00:22:48How much?
00:22:51$50,000.
00:22:52Ha!
00:22:55I could make ten films with that!
00:23:00I need a new director for my literary porn series.
00:23:04Someone with vision.
00:23:06Someone with integrity.
00:23:08Professional.
00:23:10Um, I...
00:23:11I have no understanding of the form.
00:23:14I would do a bad job.
00:23:16It's easy.
00:23:17Here.
00:23:18I'll look at your film.
00:23:20You'll look at some of mine.
00:23:21And we'll decide tomorrow.
00:23:24Research.
00:23:28What do you think about it?
00:23:30Is it good for you?
00:23:30If you like the ass pimples, I don't...
00:23:33Ugh!
00:23:35Girly.
00:23:36Ponytail girl.
00:23:37Yeah.
00:23:37For you.
00:23:38The ass is too bright.
00:23:39Okay, so you want to tilt.
00:23:42No.
00:23:45Little tilting.
00:23:47For...
00:23:49So what, now you hire Stevie Wonder for life?
00:23:51Okay, call me when you're ready to roll.
00:23:53It's almost right.
00:23:57No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:23:58This is it.
00:23:59This is too much.
00:23:59Too much.
00:24:00You said to me,
00:24:01you wanted a high-class movie.
00:24:03High-class movie.
00:24:03But then you sabotaged my work
00:24:04by making me work
00:24:05with this stupid monkey girl.
00:24:07And also, also,
00:24:08this boyfriend of yours.
00:24:09He's not a super woodmaster
00:24:10like you said he was.
00:24:16Oh!
00:24:16I've had enough of this.
00:24:18This diva tantrum shit of yours.
00:24:21Oh, come on.
00:24:23Oh, shee.
00:24:24Come on.
00:24:25Come on.
00:24:25Come on.
00:24:26You cannot attack the producer
00:24:30without...
00:24:31For your regrets.
00:24:32Regrets!
00:24:35That was our key light.
00:24:36I am so sorry.
00:24:38It was an...
00:24:38Take a break!
00:24:39I'm gonna have to dock your pay
00:24:41to cover that light.
00:24:42Oh, no, please.
00:24:43I can't do that.
00:24:44I...
00:24:44I need the money for my movie.
00:24:47I need the money for my movie.
00:24:53Think the problem could be with Hugh?
00:24:55There's no problem with Hugh.
00:24:57People don't realize,
00:24:59but half the time,
00:25:01it's the man's fault.
00:25:03We just decided to try
00:25:04to get pregnant.
00:25:05We have a great...
00:25:07My life.
00:25:10I wish I could say the same
00:25:11for your father and me.
00:25:13What?
00:25:14I tried things.
00:25:18Oysters.
00:25:21Belly dancing.
00:25:24He was just never interested.
00:25:26Mom.
00:25:27You know, divorce rates
00:25:28skyrocket for couples
00:25:30who don't have sex
00:25:31at least every three weeks.
00:25:33Oh.
00:25:34Oh.
00:25:35That's ridiculous.
00:25:39I want grandchildren.
00:25:42Yeah.
00:25:44Have you tried
00:25:45traditional Chinese herbs?
00:25:48Have you tried acupuncture?
00:25:51Sure.
00:25:53Oh.
00:25:54Oh, God.
00:25:55Oh, my God.
00:25:59It's so soft.
00:26:07So, that's your secret.
00:26:09What?
00:26:09You know, with Hugh,
00:26:10all those dirty magazines.
00:26:13They're research.
00:26:14Oh, yes, of course.
00:26:15Can I borrow one?
00:26:16Another one?
00:26:17You have so many.
00:26:18It's research.
00:26:19It's just that...
00:26:20I'm wondering if maybe
00:26:22it's my sexual problem,
00:26:23not your father's.
00:26:24Don't you dare tell Dad.
00:26:25because I used to be
00:26:26quite prudish.
00:26:28But the women's center
00:26:29has really gotten me
00:26:30in touch with my clitoris.
00:26:32That's good.
00:26:33Okay.
00:26:34Okay.
00:26:35Okay.
00:26:43Okay.
00:26:43Bye-bye.
00:26:51Happy anniversary.
00:26:54Such a treat.
00:26:58None of my girls
00:26:58showed up to practice.
00:27:00Nobody came with anything.
00:27:01I sat there for half an hour
00:27:02and I was thinking
00:27:02they're not going to leave.
00:27:03Not one.
00:27:06What?
00:27:08Oh.
00:27:09Oh, no, no.
00:27:11Yeah.
00:27:13Thanks, man.
00:27:14Come on.
00:27:15You know everyone?
00:27:16Hey.
00:27:17Hi.
00:27:20Yeah.
00:27:22Wow.
00:27:23Um...
00:27:25Um...
00:27:25Enter your meal.
00:27:27What's good?
00:27:31I'm Hugh, Jillian's husband.
00:27:33The spinach and ricotta gnocchi.
00:27:35Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:27:36It's, uh...
00:27:37It's Martin.
00:27:38Remember from
00:27:39Feminism for Demi?
00:27:41Oh, right.
00:27:41I met.
00:27:42I played John Stuart Mill.
00:27:44Right.
00:27:44For the equality of women in marriage.
00:27:45Yeah.
00:27:48Well, I guess I'll see ya.
00:27:52Whenever.
00:27:59You've been in contact since the shoot?
00:28:01I don't know.
00:28:02Well, yeah.
00:28:03I mean, just now.
00:28:03Just a coincidence.
00:28:05He looks like a soap star.
00:28:06Yeah.
00:28:07I think he's endowed.
00:28:11With good looks.
00:28:13I hope he needs her as well endowed.
00:28:16How would I know?
00:28:19How would you know?
00:28:21I don't know.
00:28:25I love you.
00:28:28I love you, too.
00:28:33I can't believe this fucking shit.
00:28:35What do you mean you don't need food for me?
00:28:37Well, you know what?
00:28:38You know what I have to say to you?
00:28:39Fuck you.
00:28:39You son of a bitch.
00:28:42Tatering isn't here because a check bounced.
00:28:44Why'd the check bounce?
00:28:45Because Sergei emptied our account yesterday.
00:28:48Everything?
00:28:50Called cops.
00:28:51He's probably in Moscow by now.
00:28:53It'll take months.
00:28:54Honey, this is supposed to be my breakthrough role.
00:28:57Just be quiet.
00:28:59We will finish this film, and then I'll sell it right away.
00:29:01Just don't say anything.
00:29:03If these people walk off the set, we are totally screwed.
00:29:06It was Billy stopping by this afternoon to meet the famous director.
00:29:09What are we going to do?
00:29:13We'll have a famous director step in.
00:29:16Fresh from the Cannes Film Festival.
00:29:19Hey, Jillian!
00:29:20Sweetheart!
00:29:21I gotta say, I loved feminism for dumbasses.
00:29:25Dummies.
00:29:26You are true visionary.
00:29:28Now look, I hope I'm not making a mistake, but I'm going to invest $50,000 for a producer's credit.
00:29:34Oh, McKellie.
00:29:34But first you have to finish directing The Temptress, right now.
00:29:38Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can't.
00:29:40Of course you can!
00:29:41Now, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:29:42What happened to women supporting women?
00:29:44Now, don't tell me that Jillian Black, the brains behind feminism for dummies, is a hypocrite.
00:29:49Now, you've got so much to teach us oppressed women in the porn business.
00:29:53Besides, I can't focus on your film until we've wrapped this one.
00:29:57So what do you think?
00:30:00What happened, I have...
00:30:05Payable next week?
00:30:07$50,000.
00:30:10Dollar.
00:30:18Right, Madam Director?
00:30:28I would cut four through seven and go right to the money shop, but that's just me.
00:30:33Okay, uh, well, why don't I just start with the, uh, the first thing I have here, then?
00:30:38Okay.
00:30:39Okay.
00:30:40Okay, uh, so, Stacy, we're going to take it from page six.
00:30:43Uh, some are born great.
00:30:50Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have, uh, greatness thrust upon them.
00:30:55Okay, um, all right, Chad, uh, seduce her with your eyes.
00:30:59Not just your, your body.
00:31:01I want, I want to see that in your clothes.
00:31:04Then he does a simultaneous dog and style?
00:31:13And, uh, then, uh, you, uh, Ginger, you put your, you know, in front of his thing.
00:31:25My ass or my pussy?
00:31:28Your, uh, your, your ass.
00:31:43So, what's my motivation, Director?
00:31:46To get paid at the end of the goddamn shoot.
00:31:48All right, break for lunch.
00:31:56All right.
00:31:59Uh, chimichanga.
00:32:01Thanks, Pat.
00:32:03All right.
00:32:05Inside out California roll.
00:32:16Where's my mooshu?
00:32:26So, um, is it true you're a feminist?
00:32:31Hmm.
00:32:33Oh, yeah.
00:32:34Why?
00:32:35Well, Martin was telling us that you made some sort of movie with him about feminism.
00:32:40So?
00:32:40It's just kind of funny that you say you're a feminist, but can't deal with the female body.
00:32:49Well, I, I'm just not comfortable with sexual exploitation.
00:32:54Or maybe that's because you don't have no body to exploit.
00:33:09Mmm.
00:33:10Oh, my God.
00:33:18Keep, keep, keep, keep.
00:33:20Oh, my God.
00:33:33You want me to put my, my chimichanga closer to Stacy's mooshu?
00:33:44That's not in the script.
00:33:45I was just trying to give them some backstory so it could inform their performances.
00:33:49We don't have time for that.
00:33:51Well, if you don't want me to direct, feel free to hire someone else.
00:33:55No, no, no, no, no.
00:33:56Guys, this is the worst script ever written.
00:33:58The story is totally muddled.
00:33:59Is it Midsummer Night's Dream?
00:34:00Is it The Tempest?
00:34:01I have no idea.
00:34:03If you think you can open up the market to literary types with this, you should think again.
00:34:10She's right.
00:34:12I gotta congratulate you on this idea.
00:34:15Very smart lady.
00:34:18But I want a new script.
00:34:19You gotta get this William Shakespeare to do a page one rewrite.
00:34:27Breathe, Chad.
00:34:30Oh!
00:34:32Is there a problem?
00:34:33No, no.
00:34:34It's just that Shakespeare isn't available for a rewrite.
00:34:39If you want something better to direct, I support you 100%.
00:34:43Just bring me a script on Sunday and we'll resume shooting on Monday.
00:34:47What?
00:34:48Just stick to the story and remember raw sex every three minutes.
00:34:52That's the spirit?
00:34:54Let me know when you shoot and I'll show up.
00:34:59Okay, everybody, we're off.
00:35:02See you 7 a.m. Monday and Jillian will have a new script for us.
00:35:05Where's our checks?
00:35:06You get paid when we wrap.
00:35:09Blessings, everybody.
00:35:13Blessings.
00:35:15Going to go celebrate?
00:35:17What?
00:35:18Come on, you're joining the ranks of the distinguished directors who got started in porn.
00:35:22Oh, you come on.
00:35:23Who do you think directed Raincoat Man?
00:35:26And don't forget Good Morning Viet Schlong before his Academy Award.
00:35:30Stop.
00:35:31Porn makes 10 billion bucks a year, Jillian.
00:35:34Same as Hollywood.
00:35:34Oh, good, Martin.
00:35:35That just shows that there's a lot of people that want to see women as nothing more than
00:35:38a support system for a vagina and breasts.
00:35:41Are you trying to make me feel bad?
00:35:42No.
00:35:44No, for you, it's a job.
00:35:47I really think it's different for men, but women are equal.
00:35:53You know, and porn is just another way of keeping us down.
00:35:56So now you're part of the problem?
00:35:59Yeah.
00:36:00There are a lot of people who love porn.
00:36:03What do I know about them?
00:36:07Toys in Babeland.
00:36:08They'll have what you need.
00:36:10Come check it out.
00:36:11I'm going to go up late.
00:36:11Great.
00:36:29Thanks.
00:36:30Have fun.
00:36:54You're welcome.
00:36:57Oh, too industrial, too cold, too much light for my husband.
00:37:35How's my beautiful wife?
00:37:49I thought we could celebrate the whole weekend like it was our anniversary.
00:37:56Sounds great.
00:37:58Can you just give me one sec?
00:38:21Are you ready to...
00:38:27Um, absolutely.
00:38:30But, um, I got hired to write a script this weekend.
00:38:35And if it goes well, the producer's gonna invest so I can go to camp.
00:38:38Yay.
00:38:39So, as soon as I'm done.
00:38:44Okay.
00:38:45Okay.
00:38:49Well, if you're gonna work, I'll do the laundry.
00:38:51Oh, no.
00:38:52It's okay.
00:38:53It's okay.
00:38:55I need the time credits.
00:38:56It's okay.
00:39:25It's okay.
00:39:42Good night.
00:40:16Oh.
00:40:18Oh.
00:40:22Oh.
00:40:25I like the way you walk
00:40:27I like the way you talk
00:40:31When you're walking that walk
00:40:34And you're talking that talk
00:40:37You knock me out
00:40:39Right off of my feet
00:40:41Come on, come on
00:40:52Come on
00:41:11See you
00:41:39Come on
00:41:57He demands more
00:41:59Prospero takes his rock-hard chimichanga
00:42:03And almost tastes her glistening mushu
00:42:08You're making me hungry
00:42:09Oh, God
00:42:13We're writing a food shop
00:42:14Oh, no, no
00:42:15It's an expose of the fast food industry
00:42:18You know, overpriced chimichangas
00:42:22Illegal immigrant workers
00:42:25Sounds great
00:42:26You want to talk about it, or
00:42:30Are you ready for the love boat?
00:42:36Actually, I've just been reading about this really amazing aphrodisiac
00:42:42It's called the kimchi, um, kimchi michanga
00:42:47The kimchi michanga
00:42:51It's created by this really exotic, um, Korean-Mexican couple
00:42:56Aphrodisiac
00:43:01Aphrodisiac
00:43:01I'd like to try it
00:43:03Really?
00:43:04Yeah
00:43:05Maybe, maybe if you go, uh, up to Koreatown
00:43:09I feel like they might have some there, um, you know, like around 30th Street and 5th Avenue
00:43:16So you really think it'll be worth a trip?
00:43:18I do
00:43:25Chimichanga
00:43:37You said you'd like to dance
00:43:39Well, girl, let's see you move
00:43:41Yeah
00:43:42Yeah, just sit back tonight
00:43:44Watch you in the face
00:43:46Yeah
00:43:46Cause I like your style
00:43:48Your moves, your body
00:43:50Baby, I like you shake
00:43:52Yeah
00:43:52Watch the girl
00:43:54Watch your eyes
00:43:55Watch your legs
00:43:56Watch your thighs
00:43:57Talk to me, mom
00:43:58Watch your love
00:43:59Watch your style
00:44:00Watch your smile
00:44:02Appreciate, yeah
00:44:07Appreciate, yeah
00:44:09I don't gotta dance tonight
00:44:11I just want to appreciate
00:44:13Yeah
00:44:14I just want to appreciate
00:44:18I don't gotta dance tonight
00:44:21I can find you
00:44:22Stay out of this
00:44:23I can bring you
00:44:24Yeah
00:44:24Jillian
00:44:25Oh, no, oh
00:44:28Oh
00:44:29I thought you didn't like that outfit
00:44:34I
00:44:39What, are you making a movie?
00:44:43Jillian, that's so kinky
00:44:49Just a sec
00:45:00Let's go
00:45:01Let's go
00:45:03Where'd you get the idea?
00:45:06Where'd I get the idea?
00:45:07Yeah
00:45:08You didn't come up with this on your own, did you?
00:45:12Oh
00:45:17Jillian
00:45:43Hello?
00:45:45Hi, Jillian, pack your bags.
00:45:47Billy got us a free location at the beach.
00:45:49McKilla, I can't go on location.
00:45:51Crafty will pick you up at 6 a.m. tomorrow.
00:45:53Make sure the dialogue's hot.
00:45:56McKilla.
00:45:59God, I have to finish the script.
00:46:18Let's take a break.
00:46:23Come on, you've been working all day.
00:46:27Honey, I have to finish this.
00:46:29I'm here.
00:46:32Why don't you do all the chores,
00:46:36and then I'll take a break for a quickie.
00:46:42You got it.
00:47:03You got it.
00:48:04This is so disgusting.
00:48:06I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out like this.
00:48:10How can you be involved with him?
00:48:13He's actually a really, really smart, nice guy.
00:48:18I mean, it's just sex.
00:48:22Just sex? Jesus.
00:48:24When did you get so blasé?
00:48:27I don't know. I guess I'm changing.
00:48:31Oh, well, great. Well, I'm not.
00:48:34Hugh!
00:48:36Hugh!
00:48:39Hugh! Wait!
00:48:49Made a big decision
00:48:53Think I
00:48:54Left you out
00:49:00Made a big decision
00:49:04Think I left you out
00:49:17Got a lot of problems
00:49:21Think I'll work it out
00:49:32The van is on the corner
00:49:41Is everything cool?
00:49:44No, my husband just went out and made a porn film
00:49:47He just totally freaked out
00:49:50Farmer
00:49:51Yeah
00:50:07Hello, Hugh
00:50:09Everything fine and dandy?
00:50:11Everything's not fine
00:50:13Um
00:50:15Jillian's having an affair
00:50:17Oh, no
00:50:18That's not my little doo-doo
00:50:35That is so good!
00:50:37He's tormented by their sexy spirits stroking and licking him
00:50:41Yet every time he tries to grab or spear them they melt away
00:50:44That is so good!
00:50:46I like that
00:50:47It's so good
00:50:47Okay, you guys
00:50:48First scene
00:50:49Violent Storm
00:50:51Martin
00:50:52Yeah
00:50:53You're Prospero
00:50:53Stacy
00:50:54You're Miranda
00:50:56His daughter
00:50:56The Temptress
00:50:57Ginger
00:50:57You're the fairy Ariel
00:50:58And Chad
00:51:00You're Ferdinand
00:51:01The Prince
00:51:01There's no way
00:51:03There's no way I can do this without a production designer
00:51:05No worries
00:51:05The strip doesn't go
00:51:06And costumes
00:51:07I mean Stacy should be the epitome of female loveliness
00:51:12We need props
00:51:16To be continued
00:51:23To be continued
00:51:43To be continued
00:51:43To be continued
00:51:54Do you guys want to run your lines?
00:51:56This is interesting
00:51:57What?
00:52:00Feminism for dummies
00:52:01Martin brought it in
00:52:03It's just one of them anyways
00:52:06Women are devalued in our society
00:52:18What's your opinion on feminism I don't know you know the kid like the lady said I have a brain
00:52:28and
00:52:28uterus and they both work
00:52:40Guys come on with the smoke there
00:52:42There's too much
00:52:44Jesus Christ
00:52:45Very sweet
00:52:48That's nice
00:52:48That's just
00:52:49But
00:52:49And
00:52:51Stacey if you could just run your hand lightly over
00:52:53I'm proud of it
00:52:54No no I thought she was going to say
00:52:56Oh beautiful
00:52:57Love you
00:52:58That's great
00:52:59That's great you guys
00:53:02I'm very impressed
00:53:03You're doing a great job
00:53:05Look at this
00:53:06Thank you
00:53:06Thank you
00:53:09All right
00:53:10That's beautiful
00:53:12Yes
00:53:12Yes
00:53:14Yes
00:53:16Cut
00:53:18Hi this is Jillian and Hugh please leave us a message
00:53:23Hey uh it's me
00:53:27I miss you
00:53:30Okay I'll be back tomorrow
00:53:36Jillian
00:54:01The number of your last incoming call was
00:54:21Great great work
00:54:22Stacey are you sore?
00:54:23Thanks
00:54:25I got shivers
00:54:26Great job everybody
00:54:27You guys were fantastic
00:54:30And thank you madam director
00:54:32Let's take 10
00:54:34That a girl
00:54:35I love it
00:54:36I want worldwide rights
00:54:38Wow
00:54:40Okay you're like a little spirit sprite
00:54:43Sex name
00:54:4460,000 cash
00:54:47I'll take these tapes to the editor
00:54:49I want the temptress part one
00:54:52To open the adult entertainment awards
00:54:55You want a partner on the rest of the series?
00:54:57We've got Dom Quixote next
00:54:59Then Dickens really hard times
00:55:01I have a first look option
00:55:04Okay and Martin
00:55:05You're kind of her
00:55:06You're her slave
00:55:07She's got you under her spell
00:55:10So you're just kind of
00:55:12You uh
00:55:13You want to have a drink after you wrap?
00:55:16Oh thanks
00:55:21No you can value me
00:55:22From my experience and knowledge
00:55:24And not just my looks alone
00:55:27Whatever
00:55:28I'll give you the contract
00:55:29When we're in Vegas
00:55:32Let's see
00:55:32Let's do that
00:55:33And then the like
00:55:34Kind of stiff
00:55:34With like
00:55:35Just slight jerks
00:55:36Okay
00:55:36You know what I mean?
00:55:37Yeah
00:55:37Okay
00:55:38You want me to jerk him off?
00:55:43I like it
00:55:43Go for it
00:55:44Let's try it
00:55:45Okay
00:55:45Do you guys like it?
00:55:46Sure
00:55:46I think it's good
00:55:47I think it's good
00:55:48But while you're in the back bed
00:55:49Yeah
00:55:55Hello?
00:55:57Who is this?
00:55:58Thank you for calling
00:55:59Island Motor Inn
00:56:01Where are you?
00:56:07We should clear 50,000
00:56:46We are such stuff
00:56:48As dreams are made
00:56:52And our little life
00:56:54Is rounded
00:56:56With a sleep
00:56:58Cut
00:57:02You really get into it
00:57:07Martin
00:57:08Let's um
00:57:09Rehearse your next scene
00:57:11Mars
00:57:12Maze
00:57:13Maze
00:57:13Maze
00:57:13Mars
00:57:14Mars
00:57:14Booze
00:57:15Mars
00:57:15Mars
00:57:15Garst
00:57:15Gaze
00:57:16Geese
00:57:16Gaze
00:57:16Gaze
00:57:17Goose
00:57:17Goose
00:57:17Goose
00:57:18Goose
00:57:19Okay Martin
00:57:19Just deliver it
00:57:20Conversationally
00:57:21Just
00:57:23Full fathom five
00:57:31I'm lost
00:57:32Now come on
00:57:33You know this
00:57:33I don't know what's happening
00:57:34Jillian
00:57:36It's been so long
00:57:37Since I've done
00:57:37Any real acting
00:57:40Just concentrate
00:57:41You know relax
00:57:44Recall
00:57:51Okay
00:57:52Alright let's think about
00:57:53What are you doing in this scene
00:57:55Right
00:57:56You're telling a lie
00:57:56But it's for the greater good
00:57:58Right
00:57:58Right
00:57:59So you're just gonna
00:58:00I
00:58:01I just need some air
00:58:02I'll be right back
00:58:11I
00:59:00You know, maybe you should try it in costume, or out of costume.
00:59:04Right.
00:59:05Where should we start from?
00:59:06All right, let's just start from the beginning.
00:59:09Okay.
00:59:09Okay, all right, here you are.
00:59:11You've crash landed on the island.
00:59:12Yeah.
00:59:13There's water, right?
00:59:14But you've, like, got it all together because you're...
00:59:16Right, okay.
00:59:16Okay, right?
00:59:17But you are powerful.
00:59:19You're full of magic.
00:59:20I use that.
00:59:21You use that.
00:59:22Oh.
00:59:23Hey!
00:59:25Rehearsing.
00:59:25Shhh.
00:59:26Rehearsing?
00:59:27What?
00:59:29That's my wife in there.
00:59:31Yeah, I'm the husband.
00:59:33No, I've got to talk to my wife.
00:59:35I can't help you.
00:59:44She's directing an adult film?
00:59:47Oh, it's not like she's working in front of the camera.
00:59:49Laura?
00:59:55We're leaving.
00:59:56Right now.
00:59:56Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:59:57She'll be up in a sec.
00:59:58Don't make things more awkward.
01:00:06He can't take Jillian until the shoot's over.
01:00:08Chad, go get my back from the closet.
01:00:24Who the hell are you?
01:00:25Hold on...
01:00:33Woah...
01:00:36Hey, I'm just going to sit down here for a little.
01:00:46What is the hell?
01:00:47What is the hell?
01:00:52You don't wanna sit in a mouth and sit down here for a little.
01:01:30Like a little massage while you're waiting?
01:01:34No, thanks.
01:01:36I just want my wife.
01:02:21I just want my wife.
01:02:25Oh, God.
01:02:27Damn.
01:02:45Okay, guys.
01:02:48Remember, vaginal, oral, anal.
01:02:51Can we check the frame here?
01:02:55Hugh?
01:02:57Hi, honey.
01:02:59What?
01:03:00What are you doing?
01:03:02Where are your pants?
01:03:03I'm here to fight for you.
01:03:05What?
01:03:06You're just...
01:03:07Just get off the bed.
01:03:07I want your husband for the prince.
01:03:09No, no way.
01:03:10Why not?
01:03:10He's my husband.
01:03:11He was never part of this deal.
01:03:13What deal?
01:03:15I'm sorry, honey.
01:03:16I should have told you.
01:03:17If it'll help your film.
01:03:19No, no, no.
01:03:19Absolutely not.
01:03:21Second of all, I am sick and tired of the way you push everybody around.
01:03:25You have no respect for the art of filmmaking.
01:03:27Okay, now, shut up.
01:03:29I'm done coddling you, you f***ing mooshu.
01:03:33How dare you call me a mooshu?
01:03:34Look, Jillian, I'm going to make this easy for you.
01:03:36If you walk now with my star, the deal's off.
01:03:39If this is what it takes to get money for your film, I'll do it.
01:03:43How romantic.
01:03:44Now, let's get rolling.
01:03:47Can I just have five minutes, please?
01:03:50And I thought you were sleeping with that guy.
01:03:52I can't believe you thought I was having an affair with Martin.
01:03:56Well, you had a nude photo of him.
01:04:00And you got him all sexy.
01:04:05Look, it's not like I think porn is evil anymore.
01:04:09But if you did this, it would hurt us.
01:04:15I don't want that.
01:04:18Not even if it means I missed him.
01:04:26And you might not believe this, but I...
01:04:32I think I'm ready to make a baby.
01:04:39I love you.
01:04:43I love you.
01:04:43I love you.
01:04:45I love you.
01:04:46I love you.
01:05:09We're leaving.
01:05:11But I'm cashing the check.
01:05:13Check's no good.
01:05:15I was going to pay you cash, but you're quitting.
01:05:18No way.
01:05:19That's not fair.
01:05:20Money's in the closet.
01:05:22Look, I did 90% of this shoot.
01:05:25Hugh was never part of the plan.
01:05:26You broke a light worth two grand.
01:05:28That tape you gave me is a boring piece of shit.
01:05:31And you couldn't even say fucking fuck.
01:05:33So you should pay me for a crash course in porn production.
01:05:36Now I'm going to pay you day rate, and you're going to be grateful.
01:05:39Come on.
01:05:40This must be worth something.
01:05:43Wilhelm, reset.
01:05:47Hugh, get the cash in me.
01:05:50Come on.
01:05:54You know, I am out of here.
01:05:59Go hand help.
01:06:23I'm going to make you a big star.
01:06:27Custom change.
01:06:31Costume.
01:06:33What costume?
01:06:36Break a leg in Cannes!
01:06:52Thanks!
01:07:00As you from crimes would pardon me,
01:07:03let your indulgence set me free.
01:07:11I really thought various Bonnie would claim you.
01:07:14I'm Bonnie.
01:07:15You're not Bonnie!
01:07:17Mom!
01:07:19Dad!
01:07:22This is an intervention.
01:07:25We're here to save your marriage.
01:07:27Oh, no, we're fine.
01:07:30It was a false alarm.
01:07:31We're actually going on a second honeymoon to France.
01:07:35First honeymoon?
01:07:36Yeah.
01:07:37Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
01:07:41Why don't you guys stay here and enjoy the city for a few days?
01:07:46You can have a second honeymoon of your own.
01:07:52Oh.
01:07:53Oh.
01:07:57Oh.
01:07:58Oh.
01:07:58Good, good, good, good, good, good.
Comments