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sam pang tonight s02e07
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00:08Hey Tone, thanks so much for being my guest announcer.
00:11Yeah, no problem.
00:12You know, you're the first person we've had returned from Season 1.
00:14Thanks so much for coming back in.
00:16I didn't come back in.
00:17I haven't left Channel 10 since the last show.
00:20That explains a lot.
00:25Morning Tone.
00:26Hey Sam.
00:31Thanks mate.
00:34You're watching 10 News.
00:36The government has hit back at criticism.
00:38Hey, can you get down quarters?
00:39I'm trying to keep my eight hours.
00:41Fired by James Packer following a controversial interview yesterday.
00:47What's going on here?
00:49Dinner.
00:49Something I threw together.
00:51That's your dinner?
00:52All the five food groups.
00:56Yoink.
00:57Hey.
00:58A low pressure trough will extend into Victoria tomorrow and that will cause widespread showers
01:04and storms.
01:05AJ, what's today's top temperature?
01:0717 in showers.
01:09Oh, good.
01:09Yeah.
01:13As we were saying.
01:16Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang tonight.
01:20And now here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang.
01:27Wow.
01:32Thank you guys.
01:47Thank you very much.
01:49Wow.
01:50Good evening and firstly a big welcome back to my special guest announcer, the one, the
01:55only Tony Martin.
01:56Oh, thanks.
01:58Yes.
02:00I, uh...
02:01Good to see you, Tom.
02:02I never left, Sam.
02:04I've been hanging out in the abandoned offices of 10 Peach for the last six months.
02:10Where this show may end up, the way things are going by the way, Tom.
02:13It's great to have you here.
02:14Let's get on with it.
02:14We begin this week on the Gold Coast, where tens of thousands of Year 12 students have
02:19descended for schoolies and authorities say the culture has changed.
02:24I'm not so sure.
02:25The school leavers are actually engaging in a lot more daytime activities that doesn't
02:29include excessive consumption of alcohol.
02:31Have a bit of alcohol.
02:32Have a cheeky beer.
02:33Four shots there.
02:34Six shots over there.
02:35A week of just drinking, I guess.
02:4016 schoolies blacked out during that clip alone.
02:43Any advice for the kids up there, Tom?
02:45Oh, uh, yeah.
02:46Watch out for toolies, uh, the hoolie-doolies, and inflammation of the ghoulies.
02:57Well, also, please remember to use sunscreen, too, if you're up there.
03:00You don't want to get sunburn on your herpes.
03:07In political news this week, One Nation's Pauline Hanson is attempting to lure
03:12Barnaby Joyce to her party by making him a home-cooked meal.
03:17True story.
03:19Why do I have the feeling those two are about to come up with a brand new slur?
03:26Either that or it's an elaborate trap to deport an Uber Eats delivery person.
03:32One or the other.
03:33In all seriousness, I would love to be a fly on the wall for that dinner.
03:37A fly that would listen for two minutes and then fly directly into the zapper to kill
03:41itself.
03:46But really, why is Pauline cooking dinner on a first date?
03:49It's Barnaby Joyce.
03:50Go for drinks, by the way.
03:55That man's a senator.
03:58Staying with politics, the G20 World Leaders Summit was in South Africa, but President Trump
04:03boycotted the event for an event, sorry, closer to his heart.
04:08That's right, the McDonald's Global Impact Summit, where, in some big news, he revealed
04:15his most controversial policy yet.
04:17Because no matter who you are, everyone loves something at McDonald's.
04:22I like the fish.
04:24I like it.
04:26You could do a little bit more tartar sauce stuff, please.
04:32The fillet of fish.
04:33The fillet of fish.
04:34Not my first choice.
04:36You know what?
04:37I was on board with that guy, but now I'm really starting to question his judgement.
04:43Moving on in some Neanderthal news, and the discovery that kissing actually began more
04:49than 21 million years ago, with evidence that Neanderthals and early humans were likely
04:54to have kissed.
04:56Now, if you're curious what humans kissing Neanderthals look like, Love Island Australia
05:02is currently airing on Channel 9.
05:07Meanwhile, scientists also say it was around 20 million years ago that Neanderthal aunties
05:12first started kissing nephews on the lips.
05:15It's true, I remember that.
05:20Tone, this one's for you.
05:22The Tasmanian gallery Mona has reportedly lost $408 million since it opened in 2011.
05:28Now, here at Channel 10, we call that our business model.
05:34We'd actually kill for that number.
05:37Mona founder and gambling billionaire David Walsh says he doesn't mind losing $408 million.
05:43And for more stories like that, check out this week's edition of Unrelatable Magazine.
05:51In some royal news, Meghan Markle has praised Prince Harry saying,
05:55he loves me boldly.
05:56You can read more about that story in Who Gives a Shit Magazine.
06:06Staying in Hollywood and in a rare interview, Kevin Spacey has revealed that he's homeless.
06:12That's right.
06:12Tony, are you aware of this story?
06:14Yes, I've just read about it on page six of I Don't Give a Shit Magazine.
06:25Is the name of that magazine again, Tony?
06:27It's Who Gives a Shit Magazine.
06:31But they do a second edition, it's a later edition.
06:34Well, it was maybe in that edition that I read the article too.
06:37And Spacey says he's living in hotels and Airbnbs.
06:41So I suppose he's technically homeless, just like he's technically innocent.
06:50Sorry, we've got some Kevi Spaceen fans in here tonight.
06:52To some sporting news, and this is big news.
06:55The tiny Caribbean island of Curacao has qualified for the 2006 FIFA World Cup,
07:00becoming the smallest country ever to do so.
07:03Fantastic.
07:03Well done.
07:04Curacao!
07:05Curacao!
07:06Curacao!
07:08Curacao!
07:09Wow.
07:09Curacao!
07:10Big news.
07:12All right.
07:13Well, it's like we rehearsed it.
07:17Great news for Curacao.
07:19And in some sporting news from the future,
07:21the tiny Caribbean island of Curacao has become the smallest country
07:25to be eliminated from the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
07:29Good old Curacao forever.
07:34They don't know how to play the game.
07:38They're in the World Cup, Tony.
07:39Yeah.
07:39So that's good news.
07:40Is that a Curacao flag?
07:41No idea.
07:42Right on.
07:45The name of that magazine again, Tony.
07:48They don't give a shit.
07:52Now, here's some exciting food news this week.
07:54Over in the US,
07:55Heinz has unveiled their new leftover gravy sauce for Thanksgiving.
08:00I know, it's a novel concept to get your head around.
08:02The idea that Americans have leftovers.
08:07And Paul Kelly has already cashed in with his new Christmas single,
08:10how to make leftover gravy.
08:15Another shameless cash grab from a sad, irrelevant artist way past his prime.
08:22Merry Christmas, Paul.
08:24And finally, congratulations to Miss Mexico, who was crowned Miss Universe 2025.
08:30Of course, things took a turn when Miss Jamaica hit the stage.
08:34Now, the competition has been plagued by scandals and a few mishaps,
08:38including this incident where Miss Jamaica lost her footing and took a tumble.
08:41She is fine.
08:45She's fine.
08:47Nothing says fine like being wheeled off in a gurney.
08:51But don't worry.
08:52In some good news, she went on to win the Miss ICU competition.
08:55So, well done, Miss Jamaica.
08:57My favourite part of the night, though,
08:59was when contestants showcased their national costumes
09:02and it was quite the spectacle.
09:04Sri Lanka.
09:06Tanzania.
09:08Bahamas.
09:10Australia.
09:12This gown is a wearable landscape inspired by Uluru.
09:20Pauline Hanson tried to climb that later on.
09:23Not a very nice moment.
09:25Norway's costume, though, was the stand-up.
09:28Norway.
09:31This salmon-inspired gown mirrors both the delegates' movements
09:36as a baton twirler
09:37and the essence of Norway's leading export.
09:44She was fine as well, by the way,
09:46until Miss Japan turned her into sashimi.
09:49She was attacked by 200 cats shortly after that footage.
09:54200 tones.
09:55200.
09:56Amazing.
09:57You know who else liked Miss Norway?
09:58I like the fish.
10:01OK, we've got a great show coming up.
10:03Tony Martin sticking around.
10:04I chat with Priscilla Presley.
10:06And UK comedian Alan Davis is up next.
10:23And you're watching Sam Pan tonight.
10:27Tonight!
10:30Welcome back.
10:32Thank you, Tony.
10:32Tony, it's great to have you here.
10:35Thanks, Sam.
10:36And I like that you're airing grievances during the break.
10:38But you were saying to me that you thought I missed something
10:41in the opening monologue.
10:42Yeah, I saw this.
10:43I was watching Sunrise, as I always do, and the weatherman Sam Mack was in South Africa.
10:50You knew who I was before I even got here?
10:52Yes, I did.
10:53What did you say when I first came over to you?
10:55I said you're Sam Peng, the Australian comedian.
11:06What do you make of that?
11:08I suppose all Australians look the same to them over there, aren't they?
11:12No, it's nice.
11:12You can always rely on sunrise if you want the weather in Johannesburg.
11:17So that's why I wake up with today.
11:19Hey, just some housekeeping, by the way.
11:22Okay, so a lot of people might not know this, but you're in an electronic dance group called
11:26Arseless Chaps.
11:27Yes.
11:28Tell everyone about Arseless Chaps.
11:30It's two older men playing very loud electronic dance music with very silly lyrics about serious
11:36topics and very serious lyrics about silly topics.
11:40That's basically the gist of it.
11:43Yeah.
11:45Have we lost everyone?
11:49Why would I?
11:50Well, actually, I've seen it.
11:52It's a great show.
11:52But you've been on tour.
11:54Yes.
11:54And I found this clip to show everyone.
11:56Oh.
12:02Yeah.
12:08That is a man who's had too many coffees.
12:12You're already in all white outfits.
12:14Somehow you made that even whiter with the dancing, by the way.
12:18Um, I wanted to, uh, the other thing is too, I believe you really are.
12:22You've got getting some things off your chest.
12:24I believe you have a bone to pick with me about something that happened on last week's
12:27show.
12:27Well, last week you had, if people didn't see it, you had a reunion of the cast of 80 BC.
12:33And that was your very first show 16 years ago.
12:36When was it on?
12:36What was the time slot?
12:38Where it started or where it finished?
12:40Where did it finish?
12:41Where?
12:41What was the final?
12:42It started at 8.30 on a Thursday and finished at 3.55 on a Monday.
12:48Yeah.
12:49To be fair, I think the 3.50 lead in was a bit weak.
12:54I think it was just a photo of Les Murray.
12:57That was all it was.
12:58Well, it was good to have.
12:59Last week was interesting because it was like, it was like the show no one watched the
13:02first time was back.
13:04Yeah.
13:04And, uh, it was electric.
13:07You know, I was a big part of that show.
13:08Yeah, you did a lot of ex.
13:09Yeah, I think, uh, we've got a clip here of me.
13:12This is where Mussolini was hung and they buried him in an unmarked grave.
13:17Problem was, about a year later, some of his supporters found him, dug him up, held onto
13:22him for a couple of months.
13:23Oh, feral.
13:24Weekend at Benito's it was called.
13:26I saw that.
13:29Topical.
13:33So, who would have thought the dead bodies hanging in the square would fail to work as
13:38light entertainment?
13:39That was a funner show than people remember.
13:42Yeah.
13:43Sure.
13:46Let's move on.
13:47We've done enough damage.
13:48My first guest tonight is a UK comedy legend who's written books and is currently touring
13:53Australia with his new stand-up show.
13:55Here's some of his work.
13:57Your time starts now.
13:58It's Alan Davis.
14:00Wow!
14:01Well, Alan!
14:02Alan!
14:02So, in a way, it's the best bit.
14:04Oh, no.
14:04He's going to blow leaves.
14:05What the hell happened?
14:06That's my favourite joke.
14:07Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
14:09Quite a floppy surprise.
14:11It's a corker.
14:13Please welcome the great Alan Davis.
14:21Thank you, sir.
14:27Thank you, sir.
14:28Thank you for having me.
14:28Have a seat.
14:37Have a seat.
14:39Oh, don't.
14:40Has that been mentioned before?
14:42Russell Crowe mentioned it.
14:43Did it?
14:44And basically insisted on swapping chairs for the...
14:48Righty-o.
14:49Yeah.
14:49While we talked about the movie Nuremberg.
14:51So, that was fun.
14:54This was...
14:55This is a big thrill for me because we've never actually met...
14:58No.
14:58..until now.
14:59And even though the closest we've come is when you were on
15:02having been paying attention.
15:03Yes.
15:04But I wasn't there.
15:05Yes.
15:06Well, I did insist on that.
15:07Yeah.
15:09LAUGHTER
15:10Well, you sat in my chair.
15:12How did you find that experience?
15:13How did it compare to QI?
15:14I enjoyed it very much.
15:14Really?
15:15Yeah.
15:15Although, it's pretty quick.
15:17Yeah.
15:17I think there's about 960 questions in the episode.
15:21Yes.
15:22So...
15:22Someone thought something funny for everyone.
15:25It's usually Ed, I think it was.
15:27How did you...
15:27How did you enjoy working with Tom Gleisner?
15:30Or as I call him, the talking cadaver.
15:33LAUGHTER
15:33He's an outstanding showbiz legend.
15:36It was great to meet him.
15:37Yeah, great guy.
15:38First time you met him?
15:39Yeah.
15:40LAUGHTER
15:44Tony, you've been on that show.
15:46Yeah, it's a quiz...
15:47You're on that show way more than you deserve to be, by the way.
15:50LAUGHTER
15:50Well, as I understand it, it's a quiz show
15:52where the idea is to get as few answers correct as possible.
15:56That's how I play it, anyway.
15:58LAUGHTER
15:59That's why you're not coming back next year.
16:02I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Alan,
16:03because, fair to say, you were hilarious,
16:06but you did struggle with the basics.
16:08Prime Minister and his wife, Sophie Gregoire Trudeau,
16:12have released a statement announcing...
16:14Announcing what?
16:15That he...
16:16Al, we need to buzz.
16:17No, no.
16:18LAUGHTER
16:20LAUGHTER
16:20There's one...
16:22LAUGHTER
16:24There's one thing...
16:25APPLAUSE
16:29APPLAUSE
16:30It's the one...
16:31One thing to remember.
16:32Yeah, but what a reflex.
16:34LAUGHTER
16:35I asked...
16:36I could hardly believe how quick I was.
16:38I asked about Tom.
16:39What about Ed Cavalli, who's on the show, you know, a lot?
16:42He got to do two episodes with you.
16:44Do you remember your time with Ed?
16:45Well...
16:45There's just a voice behind you.
16:47Yes.
16:47So every time you speak, he's behind you saying,
16:49there he is, there he is.
16:51LAUGHTER
16:52LAUGHTER
16:53Well, he had a great time,
16:54and you'd be happy to know he sent you a message.
16:57Oh.
16:58Hi, Alan.
16:59Ed Cavalli here.
17:00We met when you were filling in for Sam
17:02on having been paying attention,
17:03and just want to say thank you so much.
17:06I mean, the shows felt professional.
17:08They were on time.
17:09There was enough alcohol for everyone.
17:11Just the feeling of having a professional in that seat
17:14was incredible.
17:15So thank you again.
17:16Hope the tour goes great.
17:17And remember, most importantly,
17:19you haven't shopped around until you've tried you.
17:21LAUGHTER
17:23APPLAUSE
17:25Wow.
17:27Now, just to explain,
17:30Ed does advertisements for Yui.
17:33Um...
17:33Is he homeless?
17:34LAUGHTER
17:35He is homeless, by the way.
17:37Quite homeless, Ed.
17:37He is homeless.
17:38Alan, there's so much more to cover with you,
17:40including your new book and your stand-up tour.
17:42More Alan Davis after this.
17:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:05Welcome back.
18:06I'm here with the comedian Alan Davis, the star of the long-running quiz show QI,
18:11where correct answers are not necessarily the goal.
18:14Tony, you'd be perfect on that show, by the way.
18:16LAUGHTER
18:16Alan, you once described yourself as the class dunce on QI.
18:20Like, so you've done that show for a long time.
18:22How long did it take before you realised that you were the dunce?
18:24It took me about four years to realise that I was the class dunce.
18:27Four years?
18:27Yeah.
18:27It was a real case of if you don't know who the patsy is in the room.
18:32LAUGHTER
18:33It's you.
18:34Because normally there's two captains on those kind of shows.
18:37Yes.
18:37And then right from the off, I thought, I'm the only regular.
18:40Why am I the only regular?
18:41LAUGHTER
18:41Why does this thing keep going off? What's happening?
18:44Yeah, I thought I was great.
18:47LAUGHTER
18:49I think the same thing on Have You Been Paying Attention, by the way.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:52So, how long have you been doing that show?
18:5423 years.
18:55All right.
18:56APPLAUSE
19:00I love that.
19:01Applause for longevity.
19:02He's alive!
19:03LAUGHTER
19:04Do you remember...
19:06What's, like, the one thing you remember from the show?
19:08I don't remember any of it.
19:09Any?
19:10It goes in one ear and out the other.
19:12Oh, wow.
19:12Yeah, really.
19:13The only thing I remember is when the Vikings went on looking for land,
19:17they would take a raven...
19:20LAUGHTER
19:20..and then they'd let it go, and then if it saw land,
19:24it would go to it and they'd follow it.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:26And if it didn't, it would come back to the boat.
19:28And they had to take a lot of ravens.
19:31LAUGHTER
19:33LAUGHTER
19:33Because guess what?
19:34They'd fly off.
19:37LAUGHTER
19:40That's literally the only fact I remember.
19:42That's...
19:42That's a good one.
19:44Yeah.
19:45Ravens, that's stealing from your actone, by the way.
19:47I don't have a mobile phone, so I take ravens everywhere.
19:51LAUGHTER
19:53Last question of QI, though,
19:54cos you've been on every single episode...
19:56..except one.
19:57Oh, yeah.
19:58Why'd you miss that?
19:59I went to the Champions League final.
20:02LAUGHTER
20:02I did warn them around about the quarter-final.
20:05Arsenal might get through this year.
20:07Yeah.
20:08I'll do any other day in May, any day in June,
20:11just not May the 17th, anyway.
20:13Is he a big Arsenal fan?
20:14Big Arsenal fan.
20:15So they...
20:16How'd you...?
20:16What was the result?
20:17They lost.
20:18LAUGHTER
20:22Could've stayed at home and got paid.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:26Well, it's good that you're not letting your love of Arsenal
20:28get in the way of your professionalism,
20:30as seen here in this behind-the-scenes clip of QI.
20:33Anyone know the score?
20:35Guy?
20:35Is there a footballer?
20:36Yeah, Arsenal are playing at home.
20:38It's a very inconsiderate scheduling, in my view.
20:40LAUGHTER
20:41Five-one!
20:42Five-one!
20:43And I'm f***ing sitting here!
20:45LAUGHTER
20:48Right.
20:50APPLAUSE
20:54I'll defend you, Alan.
20:55I once missed an episode of having been paying attention
20:57because of a cockfight in Bali.
20:59LAUGHTER
21:03Let's go back, though, to 1994...
21:07..and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
21:09Yes.
21:09..you were favourite to take home the trophy.
21:12Yeah. Odds-on favourite.
21:13Odds-on, so...
21:14Absolutely nailed on certainty.
21:16And what happened?
21:17Leanor Woodley won.
21:23What was it...?
21:24I don't know what happened there.
21:26How did you...?
21:26Why were you even aware that you were, like...
21:28Odds-on, there wasn't a...?
21:29People kept telling me.
21:30OK.
21:30It was me or Harry Hill.
21:32It's gonna be you or Harry.
21:33It's gonna be you or Harry.
21:34It's gonna be you or Harry.
21:34And then, I don't know what happened.
21:36The Aussies came through.
21:38LAUGHTER
21:38On the...
21:39..on the rail.
21:40Oh, I had to see other shows.
21:41Did you see the Lano and Woodley show?
21:42Yeah, it was brilliant.
21:43Was it?
21:43It was brilliant, yeah.
21:44Well, you seem to have got over it.
21:46I'm over it.
21:47LAUGHTER
21:49You seem to remember all the details, though.
21:51By the way, I'm glad you're over it,
21:52because here's a heartwarming message
21:54from one half of Lano and Woodley, Colin Lane.
21:59Alan Davis.
22:00LAUGHTER
22:02Alan Davis.
22:04Why does your name keep on popping into my head?
22:07Alan Davis.
22:10LAUGHTER
22:13APPLAUSE
22:18Not so much a message, just a childish taunt, really.
22:20Yeah.
22:21Yeah.
22:22Are you still mates with Lano and Woodley?
22:24Well, until tonight.
22:26LAUGHTER
22:28All right, I've been reading a new book.
22:30Well, here it is here.
22:30I've got to hold it up to one of them.
22:33Oh, yeah, there it is.
22:33White male stand-up.
22:35That's me.
22:35It's a recent photo on the cover.
22:37LAUGHTER
22:39And I genuinely have read this book,
22:42and I love your honesty about a show that you were in
22:44called A Many Splintered Thing...
22:46Oh, yeah.
22:46..where it was the greatest description ever,
22:48and I quote,
22:49I was not funny at any point in any episode.
22:53LAUGHTER
22:54Alan, how...?
22:57It's so...
22:57It's so true.
22:59But you're a funny man.
23:01How is that possible?
23:01I don't know how they did it.
23:03LAUGHTER
23:03They applied some sort of anti-comedy to the scripts
23:07and turned everything round,
23:09faced the other way,
23:10and became terribly sad.
23:13LAUGHTER
23:13Was it supposed to be a comedy?
23:15It was a comedy,
23:16but basically the comedy was about a man
23:18who'd left his wife for a younger woman who he liked,
23:21which is exactly, I think, what the writer had done,
23:24and then he tried to just make it sound like
23:27the hero of that story is the man who's left his wife.
23:31LAUGHTER
23:32But every time you saw him,
23:33you just saw...
23:34Oh, there he is again.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:37How many eps?
23:38Too many.
23:39Far too many.
23:40LAUGHTER
23:40I can't remember.
23:42About seven.
23:44Oh.
23:45It's all right.
23:46It's all right.
23:48LAUGHTER
23:49I want to ask you two about...
23:51Like, you're known for your flowing locks.
23:53Yeah, those days were good.
23:55Yeah.
23:55Well, they're still there,
23:56but I just want to point out that it hasn't...
23:57It wasn't always like this.
23:58Here you are in 1991 on the Jonathan Ross Show.
24:01So, to give us some male perspective on Cosmo life
24:03and the whole damn thing is the stand-up act that is,
24:05Mr Alan Davis.
24:07CHEERING
24:08Oh, wow.
24:10LAUGHTER
24:12LAUGHTER
24:13So, how long were you in the army for?
24:15LAUGHTER
24:16That's a tight...
24:17That's a tight number, isn't it?
24:19That's...
24:19Yeah.
24:20That's 92, I think.
24:22When did you start growing it out?
24:23The following year, I met a girl who I was really keen on.
24:27Yeah.
24:27And she said,
24:28I think you'd look better if you grew your hair out.
24:30And so I didn't cut it for a year.
24:32And then one day, I mean, she was having a shower or something
24:35and I saw a photo and it was her ex-boyfriend
24:38and he had loads of...
24:40LAUGHTER
24:41LAUGHTER
24:42Hang on a minute, this is...
24:44That's what this has all been about?
24:46LAUGHTER
24:47This guy?
24:49LAUGHTER
24:50And then I had a caveat to quickly put it away.
24:54LAUGHTER
24:56Um, speaking...
24:57By the way, speaking of, you know, romance...
25:00Uh-huh.
25:01There is a story in the book about, you know,
25:04the subtle art of seduction involving you
25:07and some, you know, famous A-listers...
25:09Uh-huh.
25:10..including one, the star of Friends, Jennifer Aniston.
25:14Jennifer Aniston, yeah.
25:16LAUGHTER
25:17Yeah, I know.
25:19Now you're back, let's quit.
25:21LAUGHTER
25:22Back in the room.
25:23I did a spot on the Prince's Trust,
25:26which is a big charity gala, all kinds of stars come on.
25:30I followed Phil Collins, I think.
25:32I remember following him.
25:34And he was singing a song called Where's My Hat
25:35and he had his hat on his hand.
25:38LAUGHTER
25:38Remember that, Tony?
25:40And I did it.
25:40I talked about it on your radio show
25:42and you made it into a jingle for ages.
25:45LAUGHTER
25:45Where's My Hat song.
25:47LAUGHTER
25:47He's wearing his hat!
25:48And then...
25:48And then Jennifer Aniston came on
25:50and I saw her in the party afterwards
25:52and I'd just done some stand-up about dogs
25:55and she'd come over and she said,
25:57I like dogs.
25:59LAUGHTER
25:59I mean, that's someone just opening the door, isn't it?
26:04LAUGHTER
26:04And I just went...
26:06LAUGHTER
26:08LAUGHTER
26:08LAUGHTER
26:09LAUGHTER
26:11LAUGHTER
26:11LAUGHTER
26:12LAUGHTER
26:12LAUGHTER
26:12And then she was gone.
26:14Yeah.
26:14Well, then the following year,
26:16she married Brad Pitt.
26:17So that really was a very short window.
26:21LAUGHTER
26:21Especially then the door was just shut again.
26:24LAUGHTER
26:25Yeah, she was very...
26:27God, she was gorgeous.
26:28LAUGHTER
26:29I'm sure she still has regrets, you know what I mean?
26:32Time will tell.
26:33Yeah, I think Brad Pitt's her main regret.
26:36LAUGHTER
26:37I had a similar experience at the Logies this year
26:39with Carrie-Anne Kennelly.
26:40LAUGHTER
26:41Now, Alan, this is great because you two...
26:44You two know each other and I can't do this show alone.
26:47So it's time now for the...
26:52That's right, over to you, Tony.
26:53Well, Alan, I'm a big fan of a show you did called Whites.
26:56Oh, yeah.
26:57Which was a sitcom, shown here on the ABC.
27:00Yeah, yeah.
27:00And in one episode, you had an Australian in it called Mark Little.
27:05Do we know Mark Little?
27:06He was Joe Mangle on Neighbours for years.
27:08Neighbours, yeah.
27:08And in this episode, he played a dodgy Australian businessman.
27:12And I'm always wondering...
27:14My question is, did you let him name his own character?
27:19Because I'm not sure that people in England would know
27:22what he was talking about when he announced himself.
27:24Can we show a clip of him saying who he is?
27:26Uh, Bib. Bib Spears.
27:28Daryl Summers.
27:29How you going?
27:30LAUGHTER
27:35That was...
27:36That was big laughs.
27:38All through the episode, people are going,
27:39what's Daryl Summers doing?
27:41LAUGHTER
27:42I'm assuming it was mystifying in England.
27:44No idea.
27:45Right.
27:46Wow.
27:47It's not really a question.
27:48It's just showing a clip, but anyway.
27:51I...
27:51I've got one last thing to...
27:54I don't know how that got here.
27:55Sorry about that.
27:55LAUGHTER
27:55I wanted to ask you one thing.
27:57I'm, uh...
27:58I'm about to go into...
27:59I'm about to do some acting.
28:01LAUGHTER
28:02Have you got any tips?
28:04Well, I always say, if in doubt, do nothing.
28:08I can...
28:08I can...
28:08Just...
28:09Stay completely still.
28:11LAUGHTER
28:12And then they'll just cut around you.
28:16As soon as you start doing things, it goes really wrong.
28:20LAUGHTER
28:21It's a bit like being a...
28:21How's this?
28:22Yeah, yeah.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:24So just do nothing.
28:25If they can cut to that...
28:26See what you did there?
28:27They could just keep going back to that.
28:29LAUGHTER
28:29I'm feeling good.
28:30I'm playing a character called Daryl Summers, Tony.
28:32You'll be right.
28:33LAUGHTER
28:33Alan Davis is touring Australia right now with his stand-up show,
28:37Think Ahead.
28:38Yeah.
28:39And...
28:39Got to think ahead.
28:41What can we expect?
28:42Any...
28:42A lot of props?
28:43A couple of songs?
28:44Well...
28:44No...
28:45No props, no songs.
28:47No.
28:47The byline for the show is I spend more time in the pharmacy
28:50than the gym.
28:52LAUGHTER
28:55So...
28:56Yeah.
28:57It covers all topics that are relevant to our age.
29:00All right.
29:00I've got to finish the dates all around Australia.
29:02Look out for Alan when he's in your town.
29:05I want to say...
29:05One question.
29:06Is it true that you love sun-dried tomatoes?
29:09I really love them, but I think of them as a delicacy.
29:13LAUGHTER
29:13As in, do you eat them every day?
29:15I'll open a jar and I'll have one or two.
29:19I was on a podcast with Catherine Ryan,
29:21a very funny Canadian comedian, and she said to me,
29:23You know, Alan, they're your tomatoes,
29:25you can have the whole jar.
29:26LAUGHTER
29:27So it was a real revelation to me.
29:29LAUGHTER
29:30I want you to remember Catherine Ryan's
29:32words as I give you this...
29:35No-one leaves empty-handed, Alan.
29:37These are some Sampang Tonight sun-dried tomatoes.
29:40Where are we going over there?
29:41APPLAUSE
29:41These are for you to do whatever you please.
29:44APPLAUSE
29:46Oh, they do look good.
29:48They do look good?
29:49They look really good.
29:50There you go.
29:51LAUGHTER
29:53LAUGHTER
29:53All right, I want to sincerely say this.
29:55It's been an honour to finally meet you, Alan.
29:57I really appreciate it.
29:59Please thank Alan Davis.
30:01APPLAUSE
30:01My chap is Priscilla Presley, up next.
30:05APPLAUSE
30:25Welcome back.
30:26Now, here's something I still can't get used to.
30:28Having my own show means that sometimes I get to speak
30:31to living legends like this.
30:33Priscilla Presley.
30:34What do we have here?
30:36I'm packing JR.
30:37What's a nice girl like me doing waiting on tables?
30:39I have a lot to say.
30:40Being married to Elvis Presley.
30:42I love him to this day.
30:43I have a lot of memories.
30:44How hot and wet do you like it?
30:48Now, I caught up with Priscilla Presley during the week
30:51who has a new book out called Softly As I Leave You.
30:54I actually didn't get sent the book, but very, very exciting.
30:59I did receive a PDF of the book.
31:01LAUGHTER
31:03Hey, Sam.
31:04Yes, Sam?
31:05All of my books are out on PDF.
31:08LAUGHTER
31:10I think that makes them easier to pulp, then.
31:13LAUGHTER
31:14But I did get the PDF and I read it cover to cover.
31:17Now, this PDF does get a mention in my chat.
31:20Enjoy.
31:22Priscilla Presley, it's an absolute honour.
31:24I loved the book.
31:25I read it.
31:27Actually, not the book, the PDF that you had to publish.
31:30So that was magnificent.
31:33Did you hand write or did you type?
31:35I wrote.
31:36You wrote?
31:36Yes.
31:36Handwritten?
31:37Yes.
31:37Fountain pen?
31:38No.
31:39No, because I need to erase some things, you know.
31:41I can't do that with a phone.
31:43That's true.
31:43That's true.
31:44That's a good point.
31:45The book obviously covers your time with Elvis.
31:47He read philosophy to you at 3am in the morning.
31:50Yes.
31:50And also carried a loaded gun.
31:52Yes.
31:53He sounds like an exciting...
31:54Diverse, isn't he?
31:55Yes.
31:55Sounds like there's a lot to unpack there.
31:58Yeah.
31:58Which one did you prefer?
31:59Both.
32:01What?
32:02He would read.
32:03He was a reader.
32:04Yeah.
32:05And he would read sometimes until 3 in the morning.
32:07And he expected me to be there awake too,
32:09because he could read to me.
32:11What did you do when you started to get tired?
32:13I started yawning.
32:15Of course, that's what happened.
32:16You know, we would talk and watch TV.
32:18There were some shows there that we would watch continuously.
32:21Same thing with movies.
32:22If he liked a movie, we didn't see it once.
32:25We didn't see it twice.
32:26We didn't see it three times.
32:27We saw it at least 12 times.
32:30Did you ever watch his movies together?
32:32No.
32:33He didn't want to see it.
32:34He didn't want to see himself.
32:35Do you think he would have liked The Naked Gun?
32:37I did.
32:38I did think he would.
32:39Yes.
32:40Because he loved comedy.
32:41Yeah.
32:42And I think he would really like it.
32:44I've seen it about 12 times too.
32:46It's just things up.
32:47It's so funny still.
32:48Yeah, it is.
32:49And he was fun to work with.
32:50Leslie was great.
32:51I miss him very, very much.
32:53I felt he...
32:54We lost him way too soon.
32:56I never met him, but I miss him too.
32:58Yeah.
32:58And also, is it true that when you auditioned or first met him that he sat on a whoopee cushion?
33:05Yes.
33:06Did you know?
33:07So he sat on...
33:07I never even heard of a whoopee cushion.
33:09Well, that's one of them there.
33:10Do you remember that?
33:11Don't worry.
33:11I'm not going to...
33:12I carry one just in case.
33:14Please.
33:14He just breaks the ice.
33:15But he sat on that and...
33:17Oh, no.
33:17I sat on it.
33:18Not him.
33:19Right.
33:19Sorry.
33:19He told me to sit in the chair and I sat down.
33:22The darn thing went off and I'm like...
33:25I'm like appalled.
33:26But everybody else was laughing, knowing this is what he did.
33:30Yeah.
33:31And I just...
33:32You know what I did?
33:32It broke the ice.
33:33Yes.
33:34It broke the ice.
33:35And we became really good friends after that.
33:38The condom scene.
33:40Uh-huh.
33:41The condom is of that.
33:43I do very much.
33:44Yeah.
33:45We couldn't stop laughing.
33:47It was really...
33:48I think he did ten times.
33:50And...
33:51Oh, yeah.
33:51The director's going, this is it.
33:53And I kept saying that the whole time anyway.
33:56But Leslie, I had no idea that he was funny because he played serious parts.
34:00Yeah.
34:00But he was so much fun and we had so much laughter that it wasn't even work.
34:05Did you see Baz Luhrmann's movie about Elvis?
34:09Yes, I did see it.
34:10I liked it a lot.
34:11Lisa and I went together.
34:12Wow.
34:13And, you know, we were, you know, very intense.
34:15We didn't, you know, where he was going with the movie.
34:17Yeah.
34:17But she liked it very much.
34:19Were you happy with the characters who played you and Lisa?
34:22Were you each if it happened?
34:23Yeah, I thought they did a good job.
34:24I mean, they were very nervous, obviously.
34:27We're watching it.
34:28We're going to...
34:28They know we're going to watch the movie.
34:30Yeah.
34:31But they did a great job.
34:32They really did.
34:33They did their homework.
34:34They practiced every day.
34:36You know, they were quite nervous.
34:37I mean, when you're doing a film on someone and they're there,
34:40who you're doing it about, watching.
34:42Yeah.
34:43You know, it's nerve wracking.
34:44And Austin Butler, an Australian, played Elvis.
34:47He was great.
34:47He was great.
34:48Austin was great.
34:49I auditioned for that role.
34:51You did?
34:51Yeah.
34:52Oh God, I would have thought you did it.
34:53Didn't get a call back.
34:53Oh dear.
34:54I wonder why.
34:55I've got to...
34:56I've got to give this one.
34:57I didn't know you were a comedian, by the way.
35:00Was that?
35:00You didn't?
35:00I didn't know you were a comedian.
35:01A lot of people after speaking with me for a little while don't know either.
35:05They don't...
35:06They walk away before you can answer.
35:13Yes.
35:13All right.
35:14This is a big one.
35:14This is in the book.
35:15You said that you wrote that Elvis had a drug addicted chimpanzee named Scatter.
35:20This is one thing I was interested in, so I did a bit more research.
35:23He loved whiskey and upskirting.
35:26It was a different time back then.
35:28From what he's...
35:28Yeah.
35:30What was he like?
35:31Scatter.
35:31Scatter was great, but he was so mischievous.
35:34Yeah.
35:34And Elvis loved when he was mischievous.
35:36I love it.
35:37I mean, literally, the cooks would...
35:39At that time, the maids wore dresses, and Scatter would come in, and while they're cooking,
35:44he picks up the dresses.
35:45And they didn't know what to do.
35:47They're going, Scatter, get away from here.
35:49Get away from here, Scatter.
35:50And he'd go...
35:51And he'd start...
35:52He loved it.
35:53So he...
35:53It was almost like he knew he was being funny.
35:56Yeah.
35:57He was...
35:57He was a trip.
35:58He really was.
35:59Scatter sounds very similar to...
36:01So, Sam Bang Tonight, my show, has a...
36:03Has a mascot.
36:04Uh-huh.
36:04And it's called Contagious George.
36:06Oh.
36:06And he is a COVID and...
36:08Is this for real?
36:09Yeah, this is the...
36:10Is that a monkey?
36:11Yeah, it's a COVID and STD riddled monkey.
36:14I love it.
36:14Yeah.
36:15And I just...
36:16Can I just see it?
36:17Yeah, absolutely.
36:18That's Contagious George.
36:19Okay.
36:20He's a big hit on the show.
36:21I just want to show everybody this.
36:27This is who you hang out with.
36:28Yeah, he's a lot of fun.
36:30I reckon him and...
36:30Do you think him and Scatter would have got along well?
36:32No, I think Scatter would run.
36:36Which I'm going to do now.
36:37But before I go, I was just wondering...
36:38Can you...
36:39Do you mind signing my PDF?
36:40Yes, I do.
36:41Thank you very much.
36:41I really appreciate it.
36:43I'll get the...
36:43I'll get the book during the week.
36:45Thank you so much.
36:46I really appreciate it.
36:47Thank you so much.
36:48My buddy's been a lot of fun.
36:50That's right.
36:55Priscilla Presley, I'm glad you all enjoyed the subtle way I snuck in a Naked Gun reference.
37:01I really appreciate that.
37:02I didn't get the book during the week, but I will treasure this signed PDF from Priscilla Presley forever.
37:07Check out her tour.
37:08An audience with the Priscilla Presley Life After Elvis.
37:11More Sampang tonight, in a moment.
37:13Whoop!
37:28Woo!
37:29Woo!
37:31Woo!
37:36Welcome back!
37:38Sam Pang tonight.
37:39We've had Alan Davis.
37:40We've had Priscilla Presley.
37:42Tony Martin, you're still here?
37:43Yes.
37:45No, it's so wonderful to hear.
37:47Now, listen, we talked about Arsless Chaps earlier on,
37:50but anything else to promote?
37:53My podcast, Sizzletown, the 100th episode comes out next week.
37:57Yeah, well done.
37:59Matt Tower, just for those who haven't listened to it,
38:04because it's a very, very popular podcast,
38:06but those who haven't heard it, how would you describe it?
38:08It's a fake talkback show where I play the host and all of the callers.
38:13So for eight years, I've been sitting in a wardrobe in my house
38:19talking to myself, and for most of that time,
38:23a child who lives in the house next door to me
38:25has been learning to play the tuba.
38:28So I'll literally be 20 seconds into a bit,
38:31and it'll just be...
38:34It sounds like a cartoon drunk is walking up the street.
38:38When will he learn?
38:40Yeah.
38:41It's great to have you on the show.
38:43Usually in this segment, we have the great Oliver Clark
38:46at the News Lounge.
38:47I love Oliver Clark's News Lounge,
38:49and I have to say, a thing he did on his first appearance,
38:53I cannot...
38:54In our house, if Erin Patterson comes on TV,
38:58we just automatically start singing
39:01Mushroom Lady.
39:03Talking about Mushroom Lady.
39:06And I think she's having, like, a retrial next year,
39:09and if Oliver isn't there singing that song
39:12as she walks into the courtroom,
39:14there is something seriously wrong with justice in this country.
39:18Well said, Tony.
39:19Hey, you often describe yourself as a comedy icon,
39:22and...
39:24..speaking of comedy icons,
39:25Aunty Donna have been making hilarious sketch comedy
39:28for over a decade.
39:29There they are, the boys, Mark, Brodin and Zach.
39:31Now, they're about to head out on tour.
39:34One problem, Zach is nowhere to be found.
39:37So this week, Mark and Brodin held auditions to replace him.
39:41Here's how they went.
39:49How'd you go?
39:51What's up for him?
39:52Good luck.
39:58Who's next?
40:00So I think Shannon Noll.
40:01Yeah.
40:02Oh, yes?
40:02Hello.
40:03Are you ready?
40:04OK.
40:05Is there a desk?
40:06No, I don't think so.
40:07Well, anyway, I'm up for anything.
40:09What do you want?
40:10How much work have you done with pool noodles?
40:13I'm ready.
40:14OK.
40:15Now we're cooking.
40:17This I like.
40:19That's awesome.
40:21Damn it.
40:23That was really good.
40:24Really good.
40:25I loved it.
40:26All right.
40:26I'm starting to flounder.
40:28I've got one more.
40:28Stay there.
40:29Yeah.
40:29So we said he's starting to flounder.
40:31So maybe when he comes back in, I'll be Sebastian and you'll be King Dime.
40:35Boys, what do you reckon?
40:39Oh, yeah.
40:40That's just awful.
40:41Well, thanks, Sam.
40:42We'll let you know.
40:42We'll be in contact.
40:45That's nice.
40:50Has someone done the banana?
40:51Yes, but not this well.
40:53I can get on board with this.
40:54Sir, I've never been horning her.
40:56I want to peel you up and eat you right now.
40:58Let's do it.
40:59I want to see your skin.
41:00I can do brown as well.
41:02No, no, no.
41:02Not necessarily.
41:04I wouldn't think so.
41:05Let's not go brown.
41:06OK.
41:06I don't mind this banana.
41:08You've got the geek.
41:09This is fantastic.
41:10That's great.
41:11Thanks, Andrew.
41:11We'll be in touch, Andrew Denton.
41:13That's great.
41:15Wow.
41:16So, I thought it was yours.
41:20Quite the betrayal for you there, Tone.
41:22I thought you were happy on this show.
41:23Aunty Donna are touring this December.
41:25Check them out.
41:26They are an amazing show, so don't miss it.
41:28Now, moving on, we've been flooded with questions about our mascot, Contagious George.
41:34Has he got a podcast?
41:36Is he going to schoolies?
41:37Is he dating Priscilla Presley?
41:40Yes to all of the above, by the way.
41:42This week, though, we've got huge news, Tone.
41:44Really?
41:45Contagious George is branching out and he's released a new fragrance.
41:48No.
41:49That's right.
41:50Now, of course, we're all familiar with the fragrance ads such as this.
42:02Sauvage Lixier.
42:04Johnny Depp there, Tone.
42:05Yeah.
42:05You know who loves that fragrance?
42:07Who?
42:07Amber Heard.
42:10Just tipping it down the sink.
42:13Well, based on that, by the way, it's time now for the world premiere of Contagious George's
42:18new fragrance.
42:19You know who has więcej love it.
42:19Ha ha ha.
42:23Ha ha ha.
42:25Ha ha ha.
42:28Ha ha ha.
42:30Ha ha.
42:44Ha ha.
42:45Ha ha ha.
42:57Contagion by George
42:59In nature, you can catch anything
43:07Here it is
43:08Look at that
43:11By the way, here we go
43:13Just for someone in the crowd there
43:14Look at that
43:16STDs for all of you
43:17By the way, Contagion by George
43:20Is available at Chemist Warehouse
43:22You find it next to the Chlamydia Antibiotics
43:25Back in a moment
43:26With the Wheel of Segments
43:46Welcome back
43:47But just before we finish
43:49It's time for the
43:51Wheel of Segments
43:55Let's do that again
43:56It's time for the
43:57Wheel of Segments
44:00All righty
44:01Here we go
44:01Let's see what we've got
44:03We all know how it works, don't we?
44:05Wheel of Segments, of course, brought to you this week by Contagion by George
44:09And Who Gives a Shit Magazine
44:12All right, we know how it works, Tone
44:13I'm going to give it a spin wherever it lands
44:15That's where we go, okay?
44:17What have we got on there?
44:18So many to choose from, Tone
44:20I think there's one about me, is there there?
44:22Which one is it?
44:23Tony Martin debates a toddler
44:25Oh
44:27And it's going to be immigration
44:29So it's going to be an excellent
44:32Ozempic or heroin?
44:34Oh, wow
44:34Audience cage fight
44:36Name that disorder
44:37There's lots going on here
44:38There's so many we don't want it to stop on
44:40Brickshaw karaoke
44:41It has land on my map before
44:43And Tim Rogers and I
44:44That was fantastic
44:45And where are we up to?
44:46Oh, Tone, you're in chance
44:47Hang on, what's this going on?
44:48WWF, I don't even know what that is
44:50Audience cage fight
44:51Real Housewives of Pitcairn Island
44:53Okay, let's just hope it lands shortly
44:56Because we're running out of time
44:58Is that landed?
45:00WWF?
45:01WWF it's landed on
45:02What?
45:03What's WWF?
45:05Let's find out what that is
45:11The Wrestling Weather Federation
45:13Wow
45:15Come with me
45:17There's a current trend of wrestlers
45:18Pivoting to acting and broadcasting
45:20So here to present the forecast
45:22From the Wrestling Weather Federation
45:24We have
45:24The Weatherman
45:28Thank you for being here Weatherman
45:35I'm loving your energy
45:36Tell me what's happening around the country
45:38It's Mr Weatherman to you
45:40Pencil neck
45:42In Sydney
45:43Expect cloudy skies
45:45And temperatures will warm
45:47Into the low to mid-twenties
45:48With a gentle breeze
45:50Coming through the south west
45:52In the afternoon
45:54Gentle breeze
45:55Gentle breeze
45:56Gentle breeze in Brisbane
45:57Amazing
45:58What about
45:59That wasn't in Brisbane
46:01That was in
46:02That was Sydney
46:04Sydney, sorry
46:05Employed Dexter
46:06Sorry
46:06Sorry
46:07I'm really into this
46:08Alright
46:08Mr Weatherman
46:09What about Brisbane
46:10It's gonna rain
46:13Listen to you
46:14You little twerp
46:15There's a storm coming brother
46:17Heavy gusty winds
46:19And downpours
46:20All night long
46:21So get an umbrella
46:23Unless
46:23You
46:24Wanna
46:25Get
46:25Wet
46:26Mr Weatherman
46:28You're gonna get soaked
46:30You're gonna get wet
46:32Alright
46:32Alright
46:37Mr Weatherman
46:38I'm loving your energy
46:39This is hyped
46:39But just
46:40Just before we get to Perth
46:42Can you just do a straight one
46:43For the people in Perth
46:44Tomorrow looks picture perfect
46:4626 degrees
46:47And plenty of bright
46:48Uninterrupted sunshine
46:49From morning
46:50Through late afternoon
46:51Wow
46:52I love that
46:53That's great
46:53But on the weekend
46:5520% chance of rain
46:58And 100% chance
46:59Of pain
47:02What the hell's going on
47:04Whoa
47:05All right
47:06Sorry Mr Weatherman
47:08We're just having this
47:09We need to IT
47:10Whoa
47:10Oh my god
47:1610
47:17Yes
47:171
47:182
47:19And
47:213
47:21Yes
47:22Same thing to the
47:24Yes
47:25Woohoo
47:26Boom
47:27Whoa
47:28All right
47:29That's
47:30That's our show
47:32Big thanks to our amazing guests
47:34Alan Davies
47:34Priscilla Presley
47:35Auntie Donna
47:36My special guest announcer
47:37Tony Martin
47:38The weatherman
47:39The IT guy
47:40Rest in peace
47:41Next week
47:43Colin Hay
47:44Tom Cashman
47:44Becky Lucas
47:45Our final show for the season
47:47Good night Australia
47:52And the low pressure truck
47:54Will cause widespread instability
47:55Across the state tomorrow
47:57Hey sorry
47:58Sorry
47:58What's the top thing
47:59We're just live
48:01But 17 in showers
48:03Thanks
48:03Sorry
48:06Mushroom lady
48:08Talking about mushroom lady
48:21Thank you
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