00:08What is this thing called love?
00:14This funny thing called love
00:19Just who can solve its mystery?
00:25Why should it make a fool of me?
00:34I saw you there that wonderful day
00:38You took my love and threw it away
00:45And so I ask the Lord in heaven above
00:51What is this thing called love?
01:01Called love
01:20I only wish all of our clients were such a delight, Alana. It's a lovely evening.
01:24Yeah, considering we spent dinner plotting out how to spill the blood of that predatory prick.
01:28Two p-words in a row. I'm approaching threshold.
01:31Alana, you do 300 million a year. You're a target.
01:35Your Naughty Dreams bra is a runaway hit. It was inevitable somebody was gonna rip it off.
01:39Yeah, well said, Michael.
01:40Win the lawsuit for me, guys.
01:42I want that bastard's balls shriveling in a small jar in a hot room.
01:48We'll make this go away, Alana.
01:51Are you staring at my breasts, Luther?
01:53No, no. Just marveling at the engineering brilliance of your naughty dreams.
01:58I'm not wearing a bra.
02:01Brilliant.
02:04Bye now.
02:07What a good person she is.
02:09Yeah. Other than being a power-crazed, over-sexed, casperating bitch.
02:14Over-sexed? I didn't know that.
02:17Since she's one of our biggest clients, I suppose I shouldn't sleep with her, right?
02:23You shouldn't sleep with her because she'd snap your dick off and use it as a cat toy.
02:26Did you see how her nipples were pointed right at me when the vicious walls arrived?
02:31I'm not just imagining things here, Michael.
02:34They were making direct eye contact with me and saying,
02:37Luther, we're in here and we're all alone.
02:41Yes, we want to come out and have some fun. We need a friend.
02:45Oh my god, Luther. It's me, Nicky.
02:48Alana, look who's here.
02:50Luther? You remember us?
02:53Deer Valley, your ski condo.
02:55You own a ski condo? I did that weekend.
02:58Oh, that's the squirter, the one I told you about.
03:00Loads of fun, loads of laundry.
03:03Luther, we've got a bar in here and some nasty DVDs from Iceland.
03:08Come say hi.
03:09I'm Iceland.
03:22Sir, are you Michael Strathmore?
03:24Yes, what's going on?
03:26Sir, are you under arrest?
03:27For what?
03:29I have a bench warrant. Do you have an attorney?
03:31I am an attorney.
03:32Now, see here, officer. I can vouch for Mr. Strathmore. What's the charge?
03:37Sir, are you interfering with an arresting officer? Are those girls underage?
03:42Absolutely not. They're part of a church group. What's your badge number, officer?
03:47It's okay. I'll handle this, Luther.
03:51Oh.
03:54Entertainment tonight is going to love this.
04:00Down we go. Down the hatch.
04:06And they're really going to love this.
04:08Oh, nipple, can you see me? Nipple, can you hear me?
04:14My second wife never cared for gambling. Probably because she's too young to get into the casinos.
04:20Anyway, not to get too deep here because I hate that shit. It's all a big gamble anyway, isn't it?
04:25I mean, what are the odds I'm going to fall in love with a car show model and want to
04:30get married for
04:30the eighth time? Fate is one crazy motherfucker. It's like I tell Michael, you spin the wheel,
04:37the ball falls where it may. Fate could give a fat fuck what you think. Before you know it,
04:43we're all wearing heavy makeup in a box anyway, so let go of the handlebars.
04:49Why did you blindfold me? What is this? What, am I being escorted to my own murder?
04:53Hey, shut up. You're in trouble. A lot of trouble.
05:06Hey, officer, you ever heard of police brutality?
05:10Is brutal enough for you?
05:13Are you lions?
05:15It's just your imagination.
05:19I don't have an imagination. I'm a lawyer, remember?
05:29Good, I miss you, fuck.
05:39Oh, fuck.
05:40You know, it's been asking about that.
05:42For the fucking zoo.
05:46Yeah, do you like it?
05:49Great idea, Jane.
06:01It's protecting and serving. What's your excuse?
06:05I can't stay away from you.
06:08Oh, wow!
06:15Oh, wow!
06:19Oh, wow!
06:36That was a killer.
06:47You fart that good.
06:50Got me wet.
06:56Are you okay?
06:59Yeah.
07:00What is it?
07:02I'm good.
07:03You were better a minute ago.
07:06You worry too much.
07:07Tell me I'm wrong, I'll stop asking.
07:13How old were you when you got your first kiss?
07:16You got a problem with the way I kiss?
07:18You can do some work.
07:21Listen, I gotta get back on shift, so let's get out of here.
07:26Just go.
07:29Yeah.
07:32Let me out up there.
07:34Hi, I'll run you back to the restaurant to get your car.
07:37I'll walk, I feel like getting some air.
07:39You're pissed.
07:41I can tell because your sentences get clipped and impersonal.
07:44You never told me I'd kiss like a fucking amateur.
07:46I never compared you to an amateur.
07:48Your lips are kind of weird, that's all.
07:52Everybody's asymmetrical.
07:53What are you, head of the genome project?
07:55I don't want to hear anymore.
07:56Fine.
07:56If I kissed like you, I would want details.
07:58Well, I'm not you, for which I am grateful for.
08:00Now, pull over.
08:01And where's my pants?
08:04No!
08:05Just threw my pants out the goddamn window!
08:07No, no, no, that's not funny.
08:10What are you, 12?
08:12Stop the goddamn car!
08:15Jesus!
08:22You think I'm too self-conscious to walk around without my pants on?
08:26You think you can control me, through my pants?
08:28What pants?
08:30Go to hell!
08:31Oh, I'm already there.
08:32Don't expect to see me.
08:33I'll be laying low, so me and my deformed lips aren't out in public scaring children.
08:48Fuck!
08:52I once got into a four-hour argument with Anais Nin about fellatio and communism.
08:58She swore she didn't swallow unless the man gave to Soviet charities,
09:02and told her she was an extortionist.
09:04Then I love sucking cock.
09:09That's good fucking weed.
09:11They say the measure of a first-class mind is the ability to entertain two opposing thoughts at the same
09:17time.
09:18I think the measure of a first-class mind is knowing when to tell someone to kiss your ass.
09:23People never argue about what they're arguing about.
09:26It's all just symbolic.
09:27I say cut to the chase, swallow, and get on with it.
09:37God, I'm gonna be late.
09:38You didn't sleep last night, I could hear you tossing and turning.
09:41You smell like the veld.
09:43I fucked in a zoo.
09:43I gotta go.
09:44A zoo?
09:45Okay, give me some more details here so I can burn off my antidepressants.
09:49It's the kissing problem, okay?
09:51You happier now?
09:52He accused you of that?
09:53I mean, that's totally insensitive.
09:54No, I accuse him.
09:56You don't like the way he kisses?
09:58You have no future.
10:00Is it like he's licking stamps?
10:02No.
10:03He's got some technique, some subtlety.
10:06I told him it's the lip alignment problem.
10:09Which was bullshit.
10:10Total.
10:12So you're saying that you're kissing him better than he's kissing you?
10:16Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
10:18Sometimes the person who feels most holds back most.
10:22He's a lawyer.
10:23He doesn't know what he feels.
10:27His lips do.
10:39It is my absolute conviction that if we are going to mount...
10:44Don't say mount.
10:45...a proper defense for Alana, who is the future of really suggestive underwear in America,
10:51hereinafter referred to as Silky Whack Coffia,
10:54and assure her a courtroom victory,
10:56at which time she will become a billionaire and my third wife,
11:00you need to have a more intimate understanding of her product line.
11:03Blah, blah.
11:04You just like touching that stuff.
11:05What's the matter with you?
11:07You're so pissy this morning.
11:08You're in trouble in Copland.
11:10She is sexy, by the way.
11:12Is she into threesomes?
11:13Her, me, the squirter.
11:15I'll bring my own top.
11:16You know what she's into?
11:18Hurting my feelings.
11:21She told me I kiss bad.
11:22Really?
11:23No one ever said that to me before.
11:26It's over between us.
11:28Bad kissing is the kiss of death.
11:31What's your, uh, style?
11:34What do you mean?
11:35Your kissing style.
11:37Show me.
11:38I've kissed a few women. I'm objective.
11:42I'm not gonna kiss you.
11:43Oh, come on, Michael.
11:44This is for your own good.
11:46I don't derive any erotic pleasure from it.
11:56Take charge.
12:01And you, uh, tilt left or right?
12:04Right.
12:05Lovely.
12:06Oh, very nice cologne, by the way.
12:08Tongue?
12:09Not right now.
12:09Understood.
12:10My lips are yours.
12:15One more go.
12:16Need more data.
12:25It was good.
12:27But not great.
12:29I feel fulfilled.
12:30You're not just saying that?
12:32Now that we've kissed, maybe you're afraid to hurt my feelings?
12:35No, I think you're a very good kisser, Michael.
12:38However, I do have one tip.
12:41If I may.
13:00It was nice.
13:02What was that thing you were doing?
13:04Suction.
13:06Suction.
13:07Suction.
13:07Suction.
13:07Suction.
13:09It's your friend.
13:10Me.
13:13.
13:18.
13:20.
13:20.
13:29Relax. I'm alarmed.
13:37Nice place.
13:41Whatever looks good is my sister's idea.
13:43She's the one with the taste.
13:46You saying you don't have taste?
13:49I'm the girl with the gun. Taste isn't my strength.
13:54What is?
13:56Going too far.
14:02Look, I invited you here to apologize to you and your lips and maybe later your cock.
14:14What is it? Do I scare you?
14:17A little.
14:21I feel like you see right through me.
14:23I just have intense eye contact.
14:25You have intense everything.
14:27I'm trying to work on that.
14:34I lied to you the other night.
14:38What I said about your lips.
14:40When I thought about it, I realized maybe it was me.
14:45Come in, Rita.
14:49I'm not too early, am I?
14:51You must be Michael.
14:54I'm Rita.
14:57What's going on?
15:00Rita is an old friend.
15:02I invited her here to give her some perspective.
15:05You know, like I said, maybe it was me.
15:09Okay.
15:09I'm okay.
15:12Okay.
15:15Okay.
15:23Okay.
19:02We are.
19:05We're winning.
19:08You just remember, there's nothing that you can't tell me.
19:11We're engaged.
19:12It's changed.
19:21Michael, they're playing our song.
19:24Oh, yeah.
19:26Dance with me.
19:28Come on, right here in the street.
19:32We are insane.
19:47Honey for your thoughts.
20:01Yeah, it looks like our man.
20:03Let's grab him.
20:04That's not fun.
20:05Just chase him a little.
20:06Come on.
20:08No.
20:08No, I know that.
20:09Look, you're on edge.
20:10Promise me you're not going to go all Charlie Sheen again.
20:13Last thing you need is another suspension.
20:15I'm just messing with you.
20:16Come on.
20:17Give me a little credit.
20:18I can't.
20:19Especially when your boyfriend hasn't called you in three days.
20:21I haven't called him either.
20:23And he's not my boyfriend.
20:24He's just a random citizen.
20:26Really?
20:27I thought you two were hot and heavy.
20:29No big deal.
20:31I'm flashing.
20:38I'll be right back.
20:48Good afternoon, motherfucker.
20:50And welcome to the world of law-abiding citizens.
20:52What's this about, officer?
20:53A little thing we like to call breaking an interim.
20:55What?
20:56Yeah.
21:02Comfy back there?
21:03Very nice.
21:05Look, maybe you guys are just too much alike.
21:08I mean, the last person you want to get in the ring with is yourself, right?
21:10Really?
21:11Is that your psychology degree hanging off the rear view of Preston?
21:15Madam, I am an acute observer of the human condition, especially yours.
21:20One thing I know about you, Liz, nothing you can't solve.
21:24Up until now.
21:27This guy really got to you.
21:29As much as I got to him.
21:31Anyway, there's other fish in the sea.
21:34I beg to differ.
21:35Shut up, beg to.
21:36Hey, pelon, I know what I'm talking about.
21:39Leave me alone.
21:39You should write this down, sweetheart.
21:41You're far too pretty.
21:43Listen to me.
21:44I don't give a math fuck what kind of pole or bait you use.
21:49If you're poor or if you're rich.
21:51You're going to catch the fish you're supposed to catch.
21:54Me entiendes?
21:58No number five.
22:02Why must I always go for the freaky chicks?
22:05Luther, the straps are too tight.
22:10Load number six.
22:28Michael?
22:39What are you doing?
22:44What do you have to do?
22:45What are you doing?
22:46What are you doing?
23:01I'm going to get you.
23:02What are you doing?
23:04I'm getting you.
23:04I'm going to do the best way.
23:07I'm going to get you right now.
23:07I'm going to leave.
23:07I'm going to go laughing.
23:08I'm going to go.
23:08You're going to retire.
23:59Kiss me.
24:03I thought you didn't like the way I kiss.
24:06It's not that, it's just...
24:07I wasn't sure you meant it.
24:10I didn't realize it mattered to you.
24:11I didn't either.
24:38I didn't realize it.
24:54I didn't realize it.
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