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00:10You
00:10Hear a lot of moms going on about who being a mom is like a real job, but how hard
00:15is it really?
00:18Okay, there's the pregnancy bit
00:20Tony
00:22And then there's the bar, but that's just popping it out
00:26And I reckon I was actually the one who ended up doing most of the work there
00:30And after all that you have a baby and you get months off work where you get free money for
00:35doing absolutely not
00:36Jesus Christ is eating my nipples red raw
00:39You could try bottle feeding him. Oh, yeah, I have everyone tell me I hate my baby. No, thanks
00:44The whole thing seems like a bit of a scam really bottle you
00:50What are we gonna do there's nothing to be afraid of okay?
00:55I'm just gonna tell her to camp now
01:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you want to be killed?
01:27little bit of a tough time here at the moment yeah and you're probably mad about that tough time
01:33yeah but you think it would help a little if you just if you just calm the down
01:46they say getting your driver's license is a rite of passage but really it's just 50 quid an hour to
01:52get honked at for stalling in front of strangers but today's the day i can finally prove that i'm
01:56more than just a passenger no good driving if it hit you in the face i can't wait they have
02:05to fail a
02:05certain percentage boy everybody knows that it's just like a statistic thing right no it's fine
02:10you know i just want to go to bed i can't we don't we don't even need a driver's license
02:14to drive
02:15i know but i got it anyway shut up i got it you're joking me boy that's like killing him
02:25off me with
02:25your acting yeah what's my oscar like i'm gonna get a bit shy around you know you're like the
02:30t-shirt or something michael the higgins jesus the king of ireland boy we can get drive-thrus
02:34now drive-thrus now drive-thrus right here get your manky hands off them they're not for you yes
02:52they are it's my party how's it your party it's my party because we passed the driving test yeah we
02:59both of you did did you well like i was sitting on the seat with the wheel but he was
03:03in my head
03:03so it was like it was a giant effort like exactly yeah a rising tide lifts all the boats my
03:07head
03:08what are you on about he's talking about tides boats raising when jock rises we all rise yeah
03:14all right well look who's this party for so if it's not for your award-winning son passing
03:19a test designed for teenagers isn't exactly award-winning it is for you boy
03:23and besides it's bridget's birthday oh bridget as in bridget bridget is in your mind bridget i thought
03:29you hated your man i do she's a self-centered witch she's a witch
03:35every time i look in the mirror i see half of her and i hate her so much i hit
03:39half myself
03:40but if she wants the best party ever that's what we're gonna throw her so you hate this woman so
03:45much
03:45that you're gonna throw her the best party you've ever thrown in your entire life i am not giving her
03:49the satisfaction of having a bad word to say we've had parties before like it's not that hard
03:54all right i'm off to pick up the witch we'll come with you no you are not we will talk
03:58we won't let's
03:59forget you might get to drive the car by thinking about it but she's actually a witch
04:03of some hide you live after all i really love you love you
04:11lads after all that we've been true
04:18oh oh oh daisy goodbye
04:26we've had some crack in this car over the years haven't we you remember the time that um we went
04:31in a held through with the fridge and you thought we murdered a load of jokes with a hammer like
04:37just car jock ah come on though it's not though is it it's more than that it's memories on wheels
04:43all right remember the time we went up to dublin to go to therapy and then the therapist told this
04:47that you were the one that was fucked up all right like can you believe that the look on your
04:53face
04:54you were like i paid all this money for some quack to tell me that that's a good one all
05:00right class
05:04yeah right i think you're looking a little bit tired tired piss off jock stay to you you have a
05:10face like the first pancake you know the bad one that comes out all munted and shite so they have
05:14to throw
05:14it out jeez that's a bit below the belt no i just thought that maybe you could uh just do
05:21with a
05:21break from driving's all that we keep your thoughts to yourself i think he's just a bit worried yeah you
05:26shouldn't be driving in your condition a condition what condition is that are so ladies
05:33sorry in all seriousness he's right like yeah i don't think you at the moment have the mental
05:39capacity to focus on the road you know thinking about your mama that's serious stuff do you know
05:44what might be a good thought experiment thought experiments yeah did you learn that from the
05:50prison therapist was this not right imagine all right that you've never met your man and you're just
05:57on your way now to just make a new friend so you can leave all the baggage at the door
06:12what are you doing that's obviously not we mentally i was my mom's baggage when she left me outside the
06:18car and she took off with a handbag full of freedom and selfishness so what we're just your baggage yes
06:23you are my baggage the type of baggage that has no value and i get stuck with it because nobody
06:28else
06:28wants us we forget we are as useful as a bag full of mickeys soft mickeys at that no no
06:34no don't
06:34don't you shush me i'll just shush it okay we understand get in
06:38all right well he should be sleeping i know that maria but he won't stay down arrows no
06:49did you ask nicely airbag seriously maria i had an airbag i can't help from here animals see the
06:57cows there animals no healy what was that i gotta go um i don't know give me a clue this
07:06is all around
07:07us it's all around us come on but use your brain come on there's no more words beginning with a
07:13i don't i don't know you only guessed like six i can't think under this pressure healy you want me
07:19to tell me that's what i said tell me what are these air air air air yeah but you can't
07:26see air
07:27honey of course you can buy us it's all around us yeah yeah i can't see air right now can
07:31i i can
07:32feel the air what is going on would you answer me you can feel the effects of air but you
07:36can't see
07:36air no no no air is see-through you see through it okay then why don't you call this thing
07:44no no no no that's not air that's like saying i spy with my little i w and picking water
07:50vapor a bad
07:51workman blames his tool yeah i spy with my little i somebody giving a an annoying fuck i am surrounded
07:58by adult children thank you i spy with my little eye an absolute ride look at her oh what a
08:10she is like fine wine whoa that's a bit of me though she's right up your street she's actually she's
08:15stunning is she hot man stop hitting on your granny granny who's granny right up your street no no no
08:21no
08:22no no no no that's not that's not that was granny she's not hot at all but she might
08:29bridget call me mom that's a witch
08:35look at those muscles you go to the gym or what no boy my mam said i was actually born
08:43with a six-pack
08:43yeah all the doctors took photos of it in the hospital and all looks like a washboard to me yeah
08:48well
08:48Well, he's full of shit, all right?
08:49Boy, I swear to God.
08:50I was almost in the paper, but I got bumped
08:52because I found a missing girl.
08:53All right, Ja, as if, Ja.
08:55Be nice.
08:56Handsome lad like him, he's gonna make a lot of money.
08:59Doing what?
09:00Being an escort?
09:01Connor!
09:02That is disgusting.
09:04It's just science.
09:06Good-looking lads make more money.
09:08He wasn't even top five best-looking people in our school.
09:10Jealous, boy.
09:12Relax, it's OK.
09:15Rides only hang out with rides.
09:19It reflects well on you, too.
09:22Who says that?
09:23Everybody.
09:24Isn't that right, Moraed?
09:27That's why she had such difficulty at school making friends.
09:31Weren't enough other middling children.
09:34You're only middling, Moraed.
09:35Whoo!
09:36We are done here.
09:37Jaq is too young for you, it's disgusting.
09:39He's basically like your grandson.
09:41No, not by blood.
09:42Ah, she's got a point there.
09:44I mean, it wouldn't be illegal, no, would it?
09:46No, but that doesn't make it right.
09:47Jaq, you're still messed up, all righty?
09:50Spiritually.
09:51Yeah, spiritually.
09:52So why don't you just stop trying to score with him
09:54and be normal for once?
09:59Over this way, my lady.
10:01See the inside down on yourself.
10:03Enough!
10:03That is a gorgeous jacket.
10:05And you?
10:06I'm going to be your granddad, boy.
10:08I'm not going to be my granddad.
10:09I'm not calling you granddad.
10:11I'm going to be your granddad.
10:13I'm your granddad, boy.
10:14I'm your granddad, boy.
10:15I'm your granddad.
10:15Respect me.
10:15I'm your granddad.
10:20No, no, what are you doing?
10:23Ah, ah, ah, ah, fuck it.
10:27Oh, yeah.
10:36So, how have you been, anyway?
10:39Fine.
10:40No thanks to you.
10:41Um, it's a fine day for a drive, isn't it?
10:45Yeah.
10:46Yeah.
10:47Beautiful blue skies, isn't it?
10:48Brilliant.
10:49God, he's the dead spit of your father.
10:52Ah.
10:53You barely knew, Dad.
10:54You couldn't pick him out of a line-up.
10:55I stayed around long enough to have you, didn't I?
10:58What more do you want?
10:59Oh, no, no.
11:00That's plenty.
11:01Thank you very much.
11:02Thank you so much for having me and then abandoning me.
11:05Boy, I think we should block our heroes or something.
11:07This, like, feels sort of private, no?
11:10I didn't abandon you, for heaven's sakes.
11:13I had to leave.
11:14Well, you seem to do fine with that other family.
11:16Where are they now, anyway?
11:17Why aren't you bothering them for your birthday?
11:19I wanted to meet Neil.
11:21His name's Noel.
11:23Oh.
11:24Noel, Neil, whatever.
11:26He's still my grandson.
11:29Also, I don't speak to the others.
11:31We fell out.
11:33What?
11:34I stayed around for a bit.
11:36But then the Boomtown Rats went on tour.
11:40You toured with them?
11:43I followed them around, yeah.
11:46That's amazing.
11:46That is sick.
11:48Anyway, I wasn't meant to be a mother.
11:52Honestly, it's a shit job.
11:54No, that's what I say, too.
11:56I always say, be a dad, much easier, more fun.
12:00Well said.
12:04What now?
12:05He took a shit in the bath.
12:06And?
12:07I didn't even know that was a thing.
12:10Oh, he's pissing on me now already.
12:12He's pissing on me.
12:13Grow up and deal with it, alright?
12:14He's your kid, too.
12:19Is she always this moody?
12:22I'll answer this one.
12:24Yes.
12:25I even got my driver's licence and she won't let me behind the wheel.
12:28Can you believe that?
12:29Yeah.
12:29Even despite her condition.
12:31I don't have a condition.
12:32Are so light.
12:34Exactly!
12:35That's it!
12:36That's what I said you had, ma'am.
12:37Gosh, she is a witch.
12:39Can you predict this?
12:43You're like a cat that's lived a thousand lives.
12:46A thousand rides, more like.
12:47Well, Van used to say that sort of stuff to me all the time.
12:52Van Morrison.
12:54I used to babysit him.
12:55I've heard of him.
12:56You're full of shit, you know that.
12:57Van Morrison is older than you.
12:58You couldn't babysit him.
12:59Brown-eyed girl.
13:00That one's about me.
13:01You have blue eyes.
13:03For the sake.
13:05It's alright to smoke in here.
13:06What?
13:07No.
13:08No, I quit smoking.
13:09But?
13:10Oh yeah.
13:11Go any further and you will be walking home.
13:13That is so unfair.
13:17Yeah, Maureen, you never told us your man was such a legend.
13:19Yeah, she's like a proper lad.
13:21Like, not a small one, like, a big one, like.
13:24Massive one.
13:24Yeah, well, you didn't grow up with her.
13:25Yeah, well, yeah.
13:26Neither did you.
13:27Haha.
13:28She doesn't.
13:30Alright, ma'am.
13:31Relax, like.
13:32I was only making a good pint.
13:33She's hot too.
13:34Yoo-hoo!
13:36This is Killian.
13:39He's looking for a ride.
13:41And I said we have room.
13:44Absolutely not.
13:45Oh, come on.
13:46Share and share alike.
13:47No offence, like, but don't you think he looks...
13:49He looks a bit like a murderer.
13:51Silly.
13:54Just wanting my address.
13:56Do you, Killian?
13:58No, ta.
14:00See?
14:02Wait, was that a yes or a no?
14:04Well, his head said yes, but his mouth said no.
14:06Look, there's no room.
14:07Fine.
14:08But if you're not going to let my new friend come, then you're going to have to let Connor drive.
14:16We all have to make compromises.
14:20Fine Connor can drive.
14:22Holy shit!
14:23Alright, just give him what I taught you.
14:25While we talked about it, you'd like to give.
14:28I'll never forget you.
14:31No, no, no.
14:32Not that way.
14:33No.
14:33That way.
14:35Ten and two.
14:36Ten and two.
14:40Nice family.
14:41Then there was the time when she came home from school and told me she needed glasses.
14:46I did need glasses, alright?
14:48I couldn't see the blackboard.
14:50I said to her,
14:52Come here.
14:53Yeah?
14:54Do you see that moon up there?
14:56I said that moon is 400,000 miles away.
15:00It's fuck all wrong with your eyesight.
15:03That's good.
15:04Ten and two, okay?
15:05Yeah, you keep saying that, but I don't know what that means.
15:07You're like a clock, okay?
15:09Ten and two.
15:10Yeah, well, the clock's on my phone, so that doesn't make any sense.
15:13Let the boy just do it his way.
15:15It's my son, okay?
15:16I'll handle it how I like.
15:17I'm just trying to help.
15:19Okay, thanks, but don't.
15:20Can you, can you just sit down?
15:21Sit down.
15:22Will you just sit back, alright?
15:23Get out the other way!
15:30Oh, shit.
15:33Oh, thank God, he's breathing.
15:37Hey, we could do CPR.
15:40Oh, come on!
15:43Jesus Christ.
15:44You're an animal.
15:45Sorry, like it was the humane thing to do, Con.
15:48Sorry, sorry, boy, sorry.
15:50Somebody put me out of my misery.
15:51We can't just, just leave him here.
15:53We need to give him a proper burial.
15:55Oh, you're so emotional.
15:58You're definitely your mother's child.
16:02Psh, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh.
16:06Mommy's brain fell out.
16:12so we're gathered here today to to celebrate the life of rabbit de niro he's gone but
16:19we're certainly not forgotten uh would anyone like to say a few words
16:26listen when i go keep these two boys away from me with their tears dancing and drinking that's
16:34the way you're supposed to send someone off i'll be in the car having a fag or doing anything other
16:42than
16:43this i didn't know you too well rabbit de niro i know you like carrots hopping around and shagging
17:00rabbits love shagging once saw a rabbit looking out of fox i'm sorry for what i did to you
17:11gone but not forgotten
17:15it's good oh danny boy the pipes the pipes are calling from glen to glen and down the mountainside
17:33the summer sky and i don't know
17:41it's good
17:59cheer up boys you're bringing my mood down
18:03even be with you he'll get over it in his own time that's the problem with your generation
18:08you're too soft on your kids they don't grow up
18:11mm-hmm that what you were doing with me is it forcing me to grow up i think i was
18:16a bit
18:17young for that don't you i'm getting a bit sick of your poor me stuff you had more than i
18:23ever
18:23have you don't see me complaining all you do is complain you complain about being a mother
18:28i don't want to talk about it anymore yeah well i do okay you at least told me that i
18:33gave
18:33you life i was sick every day for nine months cooking you inside me what more do you want
18:42a mother oh don't be so dramatic dramatic you abandoned me you took the easy way out
18:52i didn't want a kid
18:54yeah but i didn't bail on him did i well somehow it's always about you and it's my birthday
19:03it is never about me it's literally never about me i wish for just once it was about me
19:08yelling is exhausting me i'm going to have a nap have your nap hope you don't wake up
19:20i am i might try for a nap too
19:31no please come on i'm trying to do it here all right
19:36let's get the second i can
19:44ah
19:44f***
19:49give me a chance not all right
19:52drink your drinks and eat your eats it's part of the time
20:07Hello, are we glad to see you? How was it? Fine, she's still asleep in the car, probably a drunken
20:13coma.
20:17How is she? I'm just the idiot who ruined everybody's life, so how would I know?
20:20All right, we...
20:35Bridget? Sleepy-head. Wakey-wakey, rise and shine.
20:42Uh, Bridget?
20:48Bridget, I'm Tony. Oh, Jesus! Okay, okay, don't panic. Don't panic. Pulse. Oh, shit, okay. No pulse.
20:57Maureen! Maureen! Maureen! Come quick!
21:01She's done this on purpose.
21:03We shouldn't be doing this. We should be informing the guards.
21:06You are the guards. Consider yourself informed. Well, keep her legs up, will you?
21:09God, she's heavy!
21:12Oh, I'm not heavy! Oh, God!
21:19Do you think I should give her a hug?
21:22The hug's not gonna bring her back to life, boy, is it?
21:25No, Chuck. Not her. The other one.
21:32The funeral home said they can't come and pick her up until tomorrow.
21:38What? So, like, she's just staying tonight here?
21:40Yeah.
21:41Why? Do you think we'll get to eat the dinner?
21:44We have some respect, but your mum's mum is dead.
21:47I am starving. I'll be the one dead if we won't eat soon.
21:50You know, I can hear you two idiots.
21:53Our hands are up. Yeah.
21:56We should eat.
21:57We promised her we'd throw her the best party we could, so that's what we're gonna do.
22:01Love, I think you might still be in shock.
22:03She's not gonna ruin the party we're throwing for her by deciding to die.
22:06I have one question.
22:08Does she still have a soul?
22:10Yeah.
22:12Or is that Daddy's wife?
22:18Is it why this is good stuff?
22:19Oh, that's so bad, you know.
22:21Yeah.
22:22Except for the prick guard and stuff.
22:24Yeah.
22:24Except for that.
22:28This isn't right.
22:29It's too much salt.
22:31What? No.
22:33She's over there on her own, like, and this is supposed to be her party.
22:41Why did I have to be the one sat next to her?
22:45Well, I'm not doing that. That's creepy, but...
22:56..to the old witch!
22:57To the old witch!
22:59To the old witch!
23:02Cheers.
23:05Hey, do you want to?
23:07Wait, wait, go.
23:10Come on, I'm not going to.
23:12Yeah.
23:15When I passed you in the doorway, well, you took me with a glance.
23:23I should have took that last one's home, but I asked you for a dance.
23:28Now we go steady to the pictures, I always get chocolate stains on my pants.
23:36And my father, he's going crazy, he says I'm living in a trance.
23:42But I'm dancing in the moonlight, it's cat me in its spotlight.
23:47It's all right, dancing in the moonlight, on this long hot summer night.
24:07Happy birthday, ma'am.
24:10I threw this party for you, I hope you liked us.
24:15I don't know why I did, you wouldn't have done it for me.
24:19You never did anything for me.
24:23When I had Connor, I was all alone, and you weren't there for me.
24:29All I needed was someone to talk to, and tell me everything was going to be all right.
24:38It's all I needed, and you weren't there for me.
24:42And I miss my ma'am, and I love my ma'am.
24:47Can I just wish you loved me back?
24:57I'm so sorry I was a shit ma'am.
24:59No, no, no, don't say that.
25:02I was scared when I was young.
25:06I love you so much, I'd never have it any other way, you know that.
25:12You did your best, ma'am.
25:14You always did your best.
25:18And you know what, in some way, I'd say she did too.
25:27But I was better than her, though, wasn't I?
25:30Oh, yeah, way better.
25:34To Bridget.
25:35Is that right here?
25:36To Bridget.
25:39And, two more eight.
25:41Yeah.
25:42Right?
25:43Too great.
25:55You always know I wasn't about to sparkle.
26:00Wait, wait, wait.
26:02Let Healy get it.
26:07Even a bomb going off wouldn't work that, man.
26:10One thing about being a man, is that once you are one, it never ends.
26:14And a job that never ends, that's got to be the toughest job in the world.
26:19Right.
26:20Say, Granny.
26:21So, just maybe, we should give all mothers a break.
26:25Because even the ones that do jump ship, they've already done more work than any man.
26:30They deserve a rest.
26:32Rest in peace, Granny Bridget.
26:33But, we'll be right back.
26:49Bye.
26:52Bye.
26:53Bye.
26:54Bye.
26:55Bye.
26:55Bye.
26:56Bye.
27:01Bye.
27:03You
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