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LOL: Last One Laughing UK - Season 2 - Episode 05: The Seagull and the Frankfurter
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00:36We've got Bob Mortimer's Joker coming up.
00:39I am so delighted I'm not in that room for this.
00:43We can just enjoy it.
00:44This could be a problem for people.
00:46He's equal to an eye. I fear him.
00:49Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on stage Mr Graham Lister.
00:54Not ready for this at all.
01:10My name's Graham Lister, ladies and gentlemen.
01:13It's your privilege to be entertained by me this afternoon.
01:16I know doctors, dentists, architects are recently parked in the same park and ride as an anaesthetist.
01:26We're not fucking about here. Do you understand?
01:38Oh no. Don't own goal it, Bob.
01:48It's just loud.
01:53You got a problem, son?
01:56You got a problem, son?
01:57No, absolutely not, no.
01:58Yeah, you got a face like a Dalek's penis.
02:01You don't mind me saying.
02:04I'll have you know my next-door neighbour, but one, yeah, has access to agricultural poisons.
02:16Behave yourself.
02:19I'd like to present for your entertainment an item that I'm calling lard for laughs.
02:26I'll extract two laughs from lard by forcing the lard through the face of Mr Jimmy Carr.
02:38I feel weirdly honoured.
02:41Do you have a problem, son?
02:44No.
02:48Maybe I do.
02:53Oh no.
02:59I will force the lard through Jimmy Carr's face whilst extending the pronunciation of the vowel A.
03:08It's two laughs.
03:31Look at David.
03:38Lard.
03:41Lard for laughs, ladies and gentlemen.
03:45Oh, Mel's face.
03:46Secondly for your entertainment, I would like to tell you about a very unusual incident that
03:53occurred at Costco in Croydon.
03:54I was there with my pet seagull, Ruth, shopping for apricots.
04:04We wanted a big catering-sized tin.
04:06We wanted a big catering-sized tin.
04:06Why wouldn't we?
04:07Why wouldn't we want catering-sized?
04:09We love our apricots.
04:12I have a keyboard behind here.
04:14I have a keyboard behind here.
04:14It's powered by success, represented by the trophy, obviously.
04:17And nourishment, represented by the mango.
04:29So, I was with Ruth at Costco to buy the apricots, and we had hot dog each before entering the
04:38shop, and then at the far end of the store, that was mango.
04:45At the far end of the store, we spotted a large catering tin of apricots on the top shelf.
04:51It must have been 20 feet.
04:52Can you imagine?
04:5320 feet high.
04:55Let's have some music as they tell you what then occurred.
05:01So, I clambered up on some crates of sunny delight and some Warsaw-packed cases of powdered milk.
05:13As I clambered up to the top shelf with Ruth on my shoulder, I reached up to the tin of
05:20apricots and sadly fell.
05:22And this song illustrates what occurred during that fall.
05:28Mangoes.
05:29Oh, my God.
05:33Oh!
05:36Oh!
05:48No!
05:49No!
05:51No!
05:52You got me?
05:53Do you get me?
05:59Ahhh!
06:04Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
06:05I hope you've been entertained.
06:08APPLAUSE
06:16Shit.
06:19Tricky times, guys. Tricky times. Very, very tricky.
06:22I think, for me, the moment when...
06:24The Frankfurter came out of the seagull's mouth.
06:26Coming out of the seagull's mouth, that was very difficult.
06:29Who was it? OK, that was definitely a laugh.
06:35I'm OK.
06:36Who knows?
06:38Someone's gone.
06:40Bob.
06:41Bobbage.
06:42Bob.
06:43Hey, well, thanks for watching, guys.
06:45Flippy.
06:45That was superb.
06:47Bob, that was a ruddy privilege.
06:49Well, I mean, of course, Bob took someone out.
06:51Reigning champion and all.
06:53Doors.
06:54Oh.
06:55Oh.
06:56Oh.
06:56It might be me, too.
06:58It might well be me.
06:58It might be me.
07:01Oh, my God.
07:02You're sitting down like a human.
07:04Relax, Jimmy.
07:05That looked incredibly tough.
07:07That was insane.
07:08That was so tough.
07:09Very difficult.
07:09Is the card red or yellow?
07:13Let's take a look.
07:14Oh, my God.
07:16This is so tense.
07:17I would like to tell you about a very unusual incident that occurred at Costco in Croydon.
07:24I was there with my pet seagull, Ruth.
07:31Not Diane.
07:33OK.
07:34That's a red card.
07:35I think that's a fair cop.
07:36Oh, my God.
07:38I'm so sorry.
07:38You've got to come with me.
07:40Oh, my God.
07:41I can't cope.
07:41Bye, Diane.
07:42Bye.
07:42Bye, everyone.
07:42Bye.
07:42See you, Diane.
07:44Well done, Diane.
07:46Doors.
07:47I mean, that was harsh.
07:48You did very, very well.
07:49I'm glad it was Bob that took me out, though.
07:51Yeah, that felt pretty special.
07:53It seems fair.
07:54The seagull called Ruth.
07:55That's what did it.
07:57Don't know why.
07:58Ruth is a funny name for a seagull.
08:00Diane Morgan, everyone.
08:01Oh!
08:03You did so well.
08:05Well done.
08:07How well done.
08:08She did laugh.
08:10Oh, team.
08:11Five of us left.
08:13I had 20 quid on you to win.
08:15I thought you were just...
08:17I thought you were absolutely...
08:18Well, my money's on Sam.
08:20Look at him.
08:20I mean, he's not laughable, isn't he?
08:22In fairness, I don't think Sam understands a lot of what people are saying.
08:27So, it's a red card for Diane, and she's out like...
08:31What's the phrase?
08:32Out like a hot dog from a seagull's mouth.
08:34Yeah, that's it.
08:36You'll notice that Bemi is not here.
08:38Bemi isn't feeling well, so she's left the control room.
08:42Oh, bless her.
08:43I think suppressing laughter is probably quite hazardous to one's health.
08:49I mean, gutted that I missed the rest of the game, but I am feeling much better now.
08:53So...
08:53Let's restart the game.
08:57Oh, here we go.
08:59OK.
09:03Maisie, who do you think is going to win?
09:04I think this is Sam's all day.
09:06All day.
09:06I mean, Romesh is very, very good at this.
09:09I think it's going to be Mel.
09:11I mean, because Mel's laughing face is rock solid...
09:14Yeah.
09:15...she can attack, because then she just does that...
09:18Yeah.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Do you throw down?
09:20Do you get into the video games?
09:22What's your relationship with that medium?
09:24It passed, but very strong at one point.
09:26Do you remember when the Resident Evils came out?
09:28Yeah.
09:29I used to do all the Resident Evils.
09:30I once came back from a gig.
09:32Everybody was asleep in the house.
09:34I started playing that, and then I got so freaked out,
09:37I was too scared to even switch the console off.
09:39I just left the controller on the floor and I went to bed.
09:42They're getting very comfortable with each other in there.
09:44So I'm going to send in the show's intimacy coordinators,
09:47Natasha and Ellie.
09:49Oh!
09:51I used to...
09:52Oh, God.
09:52Bloody hell.
09:53Why have they made us come through this?
09:54Did anyone else have to enter through a hatch?
09:56Why have they...
09:56We've been there since 10am.
09:58There's a door over there.
09:59I'm sorry, but that's not okay.
10:01Right.
10:01I'm sorry.
10:02Can we get up, please?
10:02I feel sick.
10:03Could you get around, please?
10:05We're listening and we're focusing.
10:07We are intimacy coordinators, yeah.
10:10Okay.
10:10Do you know what that is?
10:12So, intimacy coordinators, we're hired by the show to come into very toxic work environments,
10:16a little bit like this.
10:17We're here to make sure you're all feeling as safe and comfortable and respected as possible
10:21because we all know the TV industry can be a little bit pervy.
10:27Carry on as you are.
10:27We're just going to be floating around and we're going to pick you off one by one
10:30to have a little one on one just to see that you're all feeling okay.
10:33No, this is bad.
10:34This is bad for me.
10:35They're like two of the most talented character performers around.
10:39This is bad for me.
10:40Romesh, you're leaving now, but we're actually going to start with you, my darling.
10:43You're okay, my love.
10:44I was in a lot of trouble.
10:45I was saying to her when I came in, I'm a giggler.
10:48I giggle non-stop.
10:50Yeah.
10:50So, I wouldn't last ten seconds in here.
10:52No, no.
10:52But at the moment, I'm fine because quite a few of my family members died last week.
11:01Sorry to hear about your family.
11:03Thank you so much.
11:04You're the first person that said that to me.
11:06Has he got his parent here?
11:09They accuse me of being a child, even though I am certainly of age and have even been to nightclubs.
11:17We weren't sure that you might not know what intimacy is.
11:20Do you know what SEX is?
11:23Yeah, I think I do, yeah.
11:24Just to sort of let you know.
11:25So, the scientific explanation is when one organ, one private organ, welcomes the other one within it.
11:32So, if it's a man and a woman, the vagina welcomes the penis within it.
11:36If it's two men, the one penis welcomes the other penis within it.
11:40And if it's two women, it's actually more of a pat amongst, less than a welcoming within.
11:46I'm not asking you seriously.
11:47You're both quite close, if you don't mind me saying.
11:49Is that okay?
11:50That's okay, we want this to feel safe.
11:53So, first things first, Ramesh, and there are no wrong answers.
11:57No, nothing to be ashamed of.
11:58So, question number one, first, nice and simple, would you consider yourself a pervert?
12:02LAUGHTER
12:07You think about it, what do you think about it?
12:09Well, no, I don't want to just answer straight away, sorry.
12:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:11I would not consider myself a pervert, no.
12:14Really?
12:14God, I had you down as one of the dangerous ones, yeah.
12:16Interesting, okay.
12:18So, on a scale of one to ten, how aroused are you right now?
12:21Like, two?
12:22Good.
12:23That's good, that's a good answer.
12:25How about if I do this?
12:30Is that what, is that everything you're doing?
12:32Yeah.
12:33Still two, I'd say.
12:34Okay.
12:35Is there any smutty or naughty language or words you yourself would rather not hear or are offended by?
12:39I don't like a lot of the sort of slang terms for female genitalia, do you know?
12:44Okay.
12:45Well, actually, that's interesting because innuendo is actually okay in the workplace.
12:49It's a fun, safe way of expressing what you think without being too smutty.
12:54So, for me, I like to describe my area as the mouth of a screaming seal.
12:59Oh!
13:02Is he going?
13:05Was that a laugh?
13:06That was a cough.
13:07Genuinely, you weren't covering a laugh with a cough.
13:09Oh, yeah, no.
13:10Do you have to be honest at this point?
13:11I'm honest.
13:13And you could describe your areas.
13:15I don't know.
13:15Cheese baguette.
13:17Wrinkled leather pipe.
13:19Gentleman's factory.
13:20Or dead snake.
13:23Nasty little sword.
13:28I'll leave you with that.
13:30Okay.
13:30That was the closest I came to getting a card without getting one.
13:34That was horrific.
13:37Sam, can we have you, please, darling?
13:37Can we have the child here?
13:39You okay, darling?
13:40It's a funny way of referring to him.
13:42I must say I noticed that.
13:44The child?
13:44Yes.
13:45That amused me.
13:46Does your mum know you're here?
13:47Yes.
13:48She does?
13:49Is she okay with that?
13:50Yeah.
13:51How have you been?
13:52Not good.
13:53Not good.
13:54Not been in that hatch for about, since 10.30.
13:56You've been in the hatch the whole time, though?
13:58Yeah.
13:58It's been incredibly dry.
14:00They've treated us incredibly badly.
14:01The industry is so barbaric.
14:03It is exactly, and that's why we're here.
14:04You know, I just got asked to host Junior Naked Attraction.
14:07No, you can't do that.
14:08No.
14:08That's not okay.
14:09That's not okay.
14:09Oh!
14:11Oh, my God.
14:13He's going to break them.
14:14So, has anyone in the house smacked you?
14:19Nothing like that has happened to me.
14:21And has Jimmy Carr touched you in any way?
14:24He's touched me by staying on top for, what is it, 40 years in the business?
14:28I love that answer.
14:29I love that answer.
14:30That's touched me.
14:33David?
14:34David?
14:35David and Mel?
14:35David and Mel, can we borrow you, please?
14:37I like sofa chat.
14:39Oh, I don't think Mel's going to stand up well to this.
14:41So, we've been observing from our little hatch.
14:44Quite a lot of sexual tension between you two, my mum.
14:46Yeah.
14:46We thought maybe because you're two both part of double acts and you're without your other half,
14:50you've maybe been drawn to each other in a sexual way.
14:53We have had sex three or four times in the locker room.
15:00Was it a closed set?
15:01Locker three, we used Alan's sausage.
15:03Well, that we used Alan's sausage.
15:05Didn't drag me into it.
15:08Because we know it can be a little bit awkward to discuss sexual fantasies.
15:11What's your sexual fantasy?
15:13I'd like to know.
15:14Yeah.
15:14Okay, I don't mind saying this in front of you two.
15:17I don't mind not listening.
15:19Older man, much, much older.
15:22The older the better, I'd say.
15:24And I'm in a bowling alley and we're doing everything but, if you understand what that means.
15:29Mm-hmm.
15:29And when I climax, I shout, STRIKE!
15:34Mm-hmm.
15:39All right, everyone.
15:42Okay, we're just going to wrap up now.
15:44You've done really, really well.
15:45I will say that studies show that one in three people are perverts.
15:49Yeah.
15:49So there is at least one or two of you in here.
15:51So, good luck.
15:52Yeah.
15:52Can I open up your hatch for you, ladies?
15:54Thank you so much.
15:55Please, if you wouldn't mind.
15:56I think you came through here, didn't you?
15:57Yeah.
15:58Thank you so much.
16:00Lovely to see you.
16:10Sam, come back.
16:21David, can you do Jordy?
16:23Absolutely not.
16:24That is, like, no way.
16:26Howie, give it a gore.
16:28Howie, give it a gore.
16:30I'd love to come to Jordy with you.
16:32Give it a gore.
16:33Give it a gore.
16:34Let's gun and do the medals for a bob.
16:36Aye.
16:37You're right.
16:38Sound like you're speaking in tongues there, Mel.
16:40Oh, I've lost it.
16:42How are they going to get these to laugh?
16:43I don't think anyone's going to go.
16:45Yeah.
16:46OK, this might help.
16:47I've got a plan.
16:49Mel, they've got...
16:51Oh, hello.
16:52It's a sofa job.
16:54Bob, David, you're going to go head-to-head in a special challenge.
16:58Bob, you're going to be David's career advisor.
17:01You need to get to know him, find out his strengths and weaknesses
17:04and try and match him to the perfect job.
17:07David, your life is in Bob's hands.
17:10Please, take your places on the stage.
17:12Good luck, guys.
17:13Come on, team.
17:14You've got this.
17:15The game will start and end when the bell rings.
17:18You don't mind if I jump on that one?
17:19Come on.
17:20Sorry.
17:21Come on, Sam.
17:23How old are you, David?
17:25I'm just 15.
17:26You must be very nervous, then, at that age.
17:28I am.
17:29I did OK in my GCSEs.
17:31Well, just relax.
17:33Because I'm your friend, trying to...
17:35You're not a careers advisor.
17:37Yeah, but think of me as a friend.
17:40OK.
17:40You're a stout lad.
17:46Have you ever thought of working down the shit farm?
17:51The shit farm?
17:53The sewage works.
17:54Oh, I see.
17:55Yeah.
17:55Because I'm so fat.
18:00No, because you're stout.
18:01You think I'd be good for the work of a sewage works?
18:05Does it appeal to you in any way whatsoever?
18:08I'd like to work in the creative industries, please.
18:10I'm a careers officer.
18:11I know nothing of the creative industries.
18:16Do you like digging?
18:17Have you ever buried mud?
18:20No.
18:21Is it something that interests you, though?
18:23How would you tell where the buried mud started and the mud you're burying the mud in ended?
18:32Exactly.
18:33It's a job that never ends.
18:34It's a job for life.
18:36When you were young, did you...
18:37And your mother or father said, what would you like to be when you grow?
18:40What did you say?
18:41I am young, and I said to them yesterday, I want to work in the creative areas.
18:47And they said, never mind that, go and see this careers advisor and try to think of him as a
18:52friend.
18:53Would you like to design tight trousers?
19:00Yes, I would, actually.
19:02Ah.
19:03Yeah.
19:04Now we're getting somewhere because, you know, the uniforms down at the shit farm are getting increasingly tight.
19:13Are they trying to make the shit farmers appear sexier?
19:17A little bit sexier, a little bit futuristic.
19:20But the job's the same, and it's a job for life.
19:23So, I think this has been a great success.
19:26We'll send you down the shit farm.
19:28Thank you very much.
19:32I mean, a job with a shit farm.
19:35The head-to-head with David, just talking to David is quite intimidating.
19:40And he pulled me up on the accusation that he was stocky.
19:45He is stocky.
19:46Let's put that on record.
19:48If he was in, like, a medieval army, he'd have been an archer, a little stocky archer.
19:54He knows it.
19:56Anyone for dessert?
19:58Something a bit sweet?
19:59What are you offering, Mum?
20:00I've actually made something.
20:02That's nice.
20:03I'll get some dessert.
20:04Absolutely.
20:05I'm really proud of my biscuits.
20:07And, actually, I'd forgotten about them, because you do, you sort of forget,
20:10oh, my God, I've still got something in the locker.
20:13I thought, I've got to get these in subtly, and I think they did actually believe,
20:17because I just said, oh, anyone fancy something sweet?
20:20Drama school training, which I don't have.
20:23I failed to get into drama school.
20:26Oh.
20:28Just a little something.
20:29This looks good.
20:30A little sweetie.
20:31It's a nice tin.
20:33They're vegan, there's no nuts or anything like that.
20:36How do you know?
20:36I'm going to try them.
20:37Because I made them.
20:38Are these yours?
20:39Yeah, yeah.
20:40Thank you, Mel.
20:40No worries, lovies.
20:41Wait, these are for real.
20:42What do you mean?
20:43I was sure this was a trick.
20:45I think so.
20:48David?
20:50Yeah, those are a bit hairier, aren't they?
20:52Hairier?
20:53Sometimes, well, sometimes my biscuits can get a bit hairy.
20:57LAUGHTER
21:01What I'd done was three normals on the top,
21:05then there's a greaseproof paper,
21:06and then we reveal the hairy biscuits.
21:09Quite a lot of hair there.
21:12What?
21:12Mel, why am I eating this?
21:14That is...
21:15..matty.
21:16Oh, look, they're covered in hair.
21:18Oh!
21:19This one doesn't look so bad.
21:20No, that's quite hairy.
21:21What do you think?
21:21That one's all right.
21:22Sorry, I think those are fine.
21:23I think this one's OK.
21:25I think I can eat round it.
21:27LAUGHTER
21:30Rom, hair-free or whiff of a hair?
21:34I get what you were doing with the hairy biscuits,
21:36but then to actually offer people biscuits,
21:39and then we start eating them,
21:40and then underneath there's a hairy layer.
21:42I didn't know that that batch had gone a bit wrong.
21:44I thought Rom was just quite offended
21:46by the fact that he'd eaten a biscuit
21:49that was adjacent to a hairy biscuit.
21:51We'll never know where those hairs came from.
21:54Did you know, Romesh,
21:55that Alan Sugar is actually 30% candorel?
22:01Bob, don't do this to me, man.
22:04Don't do this, man.
22:06None of them are going to go, are they?
22:07Is Sam ever going to do his joker?
22:10He's not done his joker!
22:11OK, all right.
22:15PHONE RINGS
22:18Hello, last one laughing.
22:20Could you ask Sam to do his joker?
22:23No problem. Thank you.
22:24Yes, yes, yes.
22:26Sam, could you do your joker, please?
22:30Hey, guys, get ready.
22:32You're about to see a show.
22:34What the hell could it be?
22:35He might just pull his teeth out through his arsehole.
22:38While Sam's getting ready, I've got a little surprise.
22:42PHONE RINGS
22:42What does that mean?
22:43I don't know.
22:46Romesh, please go to the locker room
22:47and open the utility's cupboard.
22:52Hairy biscuit, Bob?
22:54Do you want one of my hairy biscuits or not?
22:57I do quite like the look of them, actually.
23:06Oh, hi, Romesh.
23:09No, no, no, come back, come back.
23:11Look.
23:12Can Romesh come to the utility's locker?
23:15And then I do that.
23:16And then this is Jimmy Carr glory hole looking at me.
23:18Look, your manager won't let me anywhere near you, Bob.
23:21I want to pitch you some ideas for shows.
23:23Like, you know how you're always doing shows with your mum, right?
23:26I just thought it would be cool if you did a show with my mum.
23:29It's just you sort of travelling around with an urn.
23:32Shhh.
23:35I've got another great idea.
23:37Jimmy and Romesh's cannon fodder.
23:39We travel round Britain, but everywhere we go,
23:42we're fired from a cannon.
23:51What about Jimmy and Romesh's naked attraction?
23:56We take off our clothes and see if we're attracted to each other.
24:15Oh, hello, sailor.
24:17Something's happened.
24:17What's going on there?
24:18I think something happened in there.
24:19What the frick?
24:21That was very intense and quick.
24:24Maybe it all played out in that room.
24:30What happened, Robs?
24:31I'm done.
24:32What?
24:33Ah, man.
24:38Hello.
24:40That was bullshit, man.
24:41How was that bullshit?
24:43I just had some ideas for shows.
24:45I mean, look, can I be honest with you?
24:47I thought what happened to me was unfair.
24:49There's Jokers, there's head-to-heads.
24:52Nowhere did it say Jimmy Carr will emerge as a surprise from a cupboard.
24:56Let's have a look at the replay.
24:58All right, all right.
24:59Last idea, right?
24:59Jimmy and Romesh's naked attraction.
25:02We take off our clothes and see if we're attracted to each other.
25:08That's mean.
25:10What?
25:11That's really hard.
25:13Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:14Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:17That's really hard.
25:19Oh, dear.
25:19With the little face in the circle.
25:22It was like...
25:22It was like a sniper.
25:23It was so out of order, yeah.
25:26Oh, man.
25:27Rom!
25:28Come with me.
25:29See you, Rom.
25:30Oh, Rom!
25:31See you.
25:31And then there were four.
25:32OK.
25:33Oh, my God.
25:34See you soon.
25:35Yeah, yeah, see you soon.
25:35Love you, brother.
25:36See you soon.
25:36Take care.
25:37Good luck.
25:37Good luck, see you.
25:40Come on, Raj.
25:40Romesh.
25:41I fully concede that was a dick move.
25:44It was a dick move.
25:45I'm going to say this generally.
25:46Jimmy Carr doesn't like me.
25:49He's a prick.
25:51Put that in the trailer.
25:53Oh!
25:54Well done.
25:59Well done, Rom.
26:00Bang out of order.
26:01So out of order.
26:02Well, thank God Romesh laughed.
26:04Otherwise, I would have been forced into phase two
26:06of the glory hole item.
26:09OK.
26:10I think we're all in for a little treat.
26:13OK, yes.
26:13Oh, my God, yes.
26:13This is Sam's Joker, right?
26:14It's Sam's Joker.
26:15Let's restart the game.
26:17Let's laugh, please.
26:18I don't know if we're allowed to.
26:19Let's have a little laugh.
26:21We're not now.
26:22We were.
26:26Can't imagine what he's going to do.
26:27Honestly, I think we could all have a hundred guesses
26:29and none of us would know.
26:30We're off.
26:31All is well with the world.
26:33To have a damn good laugh.
26:34Yes.
26:34Oh, my God.
26:38Here we go.
26:39Oh, my Lord.
26:42Hello.
26:45What is this?
26:58Now, listen here.
27:00Today's the day.
27:01I've invited Father Percival around for a cup of tea
27:04and I'm going to have to ask you to behave.
27:07Father Percival, cup of tea.
27:09Father Percival is a man of the cloth.
27:11An important man.
27:13You're going to have to keep your beak shut.
27:16Remember last week when I stubbed my toe?
27:18Father Percival, I cannot have you repeating any of the foul language I uttered in error,
27:25as it would make him very, very shocked.
27:28Promise.
27:29You must.
27:30Because if Father Percival were to hear such things, I may be moved to another diocese, so you must promise
27:36me.
27:37Beak shut, promise.
27:43Coming, Father Percival.
27:45Now, you keep your beak shut and I'll bring you cuttlefish galore.
27:52Father Toby, trust you are well.
27:54What a beautiful bird.
27:56Can he speak?
27:58Not usually.
27:59He mostly just sits there being very polite.
28:03God, I'm tired.
28:05I was up all night fucking these two ladies from the parish.
28:12I beg your pardon.
28:14They both were biddos and they have fucking huge bazookas.
28:22Father Percival!
28:37I could have watched a bit more of that.
28:39Yeah, I could have.
28:40It was brilliant.
28:41Yeah.
28:43First vicar was fabulous.
28:45I nearly went in that one with the first vicar.
28:48He was very droll.
28:49I was okay with Sam as a bird.
28:52It kind of seemed, yeah, of course Sam's a bird.
28:55Nothing unusual, nothing to see here really.
28:58I like the term bazookas.
29:01Bazookas was excellent.
29:02Well, it feels like it's wrong because bazookas are sort of,
29:05they're more phallic, aren't they?
29:08Well, bosoms that go forward.
29:09Do such bosoms exist outside?
29:11They do, yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:12They do.
29:12Would you like to fire like an RPG or bazooka?
29:15Yes, I'd like to.
29:16Would you fire a vicar or just a mattress or something?
29:19I'd fire randomly, Bob.
29:21Good.
29:23Possibly in the leatherhead area.
29:26Nice.
29:29Mel's playing.
29:30Mel is not going out without a fight.
29:32I think Mel is a silent assassin.
29:34Yeah, I think she is.
29:40So, what has been happening?
29:42I may applaud you, though, for yourself.
29:44Really? Was that okay?
29:45I just, I heard it was okay.
29:46No, thank you.
29:48Yeah.
29:48That's nice.
29:49You were good as a bird.
29:50I liked, you have good legs.
29:52Oh, thanks, David.
29:53Not realistically avian, which is a good thing in legs.
29:57Is he on a sedative?
29:59He's so dazed, Sam, and he's like one of those pigeons
30:02that flies into a patio doors.
30:05OK, we're running out of time.
30:06I'm going in.
30:07You going in?
30:08Yes.
30:10Iron Man can iron up to ten shirts in five minutes.
30:19Doors.
30:21We've only got 40 minutes left.
30:24By that time, I thought no-one was ever going to laugh again.
30:26So, we're going to go sudden death.
30:29Going to sudden death?
30:30I felt, okay, this is a proper contest.
30:32If you laugh, you're out.
30:33Yes.
30:33OK?
30:34Oh, wow.
30:35The stakes are high.
30:36If anyone laughs, it's a red card.
30:38Ooh.
30:43Tune in next week for another crazy episode.
30:49Do it in a rap way, David.
30:50It was in a rap way.
30:54David, have you ever dropped a Bible?
30:56You should have asked that six hours ago.
30:58This thing on.
30:59Do you want to have a waltz with me, Bob?
31:01Meh.
31:02I don't know what's going on.
31:04Doors!
31:05This makes a lot more sense.
31:07It's extremely funny.
31:09Sam's going to try and finish him off.
31:11It's come down to this.
31:13You've both played...
31:14Bye-bye.
31:15...an incredible game.
31:18No.
31:20Oh, my God!
31:31You need to make fun!
31:33In a movie...
31:34...ah!
31:48We...udobtai
31:48quase... You didn't
31:49know what to do. In a movie...
31:51? Was just something
31:55going to be out on Country Streams... ? Oh, man?
31:55We
31:55wrecked out?
31:56Over time. When you're
31:56we don't guard, maybe... It's the school camp...
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