- 7 hours ago
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00:06There was an old wise man who I met in prison.
00:09Well, he couldn't be that wise because he was in prison.
00:11But he warned me that the hardest thing about being locked up
00:14isn't the thought of where you are,
00:16it's the thought of where you're not.
00:18It's knowing that life outside is continuing on without you.
00:21And that the girl of your dreams
00:22is now the girl of some other prick's dreams.
00:25Linda is getting married to Gavin fucking Madigan.
00:30But, after a lot of soul-searching,
00:32I decided that I was going to be the bigger man.
00:35For better or worse,
00:36she was going to stay completely loyal and faithful to him
00:39for the rest of their entire life.
00:47Easy, mate.
00:48Looking good, kid.
00:49I hope it lashes rain on the way to the waiting
00:52and that the whole place is flooded.
00:54Oh, yeah, well, I see what you're saying.
00:56And then Gavin's driving along and his tyre hits a puddle
00:59and he acoplates and he crashes
01:01and he's paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life
01:03and he's to talk using one of those machines.
01:05Oh, I'm Gavin Madigan and his life skimmy, dude.
01:10Jesus, boy.
01:11Is that a little bit dark, no?
01:13Oh, sorry.
01:14I thought that was the direction we were going.
01:16I hope he doesn't die, like,
01:17just gets bruised up a bit.
01:19Yeah, can you throw the suits on?
01:20Yeah.
01:20Yeah, I got it.
01:25Oh, look at you.
01:27Don't you look lovely.
01:29Oh, I need a hug.
01:32What's this?
01:32Oh, Connor, for God's sake.
01:34They must have forgotten to take the tag off in the shop.
01:38We bothered him.
01:39You're on probation.
01:40Do you want to go back to jail?
01:41No.
01:44What'll we do?
01:45Go on, get the good scissors quickly.
01:53Do you think it's a good idea you go into this wedding today?
01:55Linda invited me, like, so...
01:57Look, hon, I know this is hard to hear, but...
02:00you will find your someone.
02:02What if I've already found my someone,
02:05but I'm not her someone?
02:11What's this, stolen goods?
02:12Jesus Christ, Tony, can you not be a guard for one day in your life?
02:15Mom and Healy were in that phase of their relationship
02:18all couples go through.
02:19Oh, I'll just go and see to Noel, so will I?
02:21The hating each other phase.
02:22Do you know what?
02:23That would be lovely.
02:24Because he probably wouldn't even recognise you at the moment.
02:26Healy was working a lot of triple overtime
02:28to pay for nappies and nipple cream.
02:30All right, I'll just turn a blind eye
02:32to whatever it is I'm supposed to be turning a blind eye to, so will I?
02:35Jesus Christ.
02:36But deep down, love was still in the air.
02:39Wanker.
02:42Try that.
02:45All right.
02:46All right.
02:47Thanks, lady's bag.
02:48No, no, no, wait, uh, uh, Claire, sit down for a second.
02:52Um...
02:52What? What?
02:53Nothing.
02:58Just...
03:02You didn't notice a bit?
03:03Eh, you'd have to be really looking for it.
03:05Here, they're after leaving the security tag on the blazer.
03:10God's sake, they ought to doing the same to mine, Jock.
03:12That is something else, no.
03:14Hand it over, Jock.
03:15Thanks for me and my head.
03:16Cheers.
03:17Um, here, I've got to head over to Siobhan's there.
03:19I want to see, eh, I want to see Starr in the flower girl costume.
03:22Is this one of your unsupervised access days?
03:24Eh, no, but something tells me, eh, Siobhan won't be ringin' her solicitor today.
03:30Yeah.
03:31Well, you know what they say about weddings.
03:33No.
03:34Oh, they make, make women horny, like.
03:37It's like they do nothin' for me.
03:39Oh, fierce horny, Mireille.
03:41Yeah.
03:41If I'm gonna get back with Siobhan, this is, this is my big chance, like.
03:44So, so wish me luck, yeah?
03:45All right, Jock.
03:46Go ahead.
03:46Good luck.
03:47Thanks.
03:49Hi, here, Jock.
03:55Uh!
04:07Morning, Garu.
04:10Dad, were you taking the train or cried?
04:12The old way of the train!
04:14Morning.
04:15Jeez!
04:16You need to go now
04:21Thank you
04:23Go to the window window. Yeah
04:45Handsome Dan the painter man. Yeah boy I'm telling you. You sure? What do you mean by sure? I know
04:50his arse as well as I know my own face
04:54Handsome once posed for an ad for hemorrhoid cream. The billboard company went bust which meant the poster stayed up
04:59for three years and became one of Cork's biggest tourist attractions
05:04Fair play to her like. What are you on about Con? His name is Handsome Dan Jack. He's gorgeous. You're
05:10not getting what I'm telling you
05:12Yeah
05:12If she's shagging Handsome Dan the night before her wedding, it means she obviously doesn't want to marry Gavin Madigan.
05:17It's a proxy ride
05:19A proxy ride? A proxy ride, okay? Yeah sure, she might have gotten up on Dan, but she was thinking
05:26about you by the whole time
05:28Really? So?
05:31She's thinking about me? Yes you boy, she's still in love with you
05:36This was gonna be my last chance to win Linda back and what's more of a romantic place to do
05:41it than a wedding her wedding
05:43Half a sausage just to left your fork there are there?
05:46Right this sausage is gonna sort me out now
05:48Oh she's sick of
05:51I'm done. Bart take it away from me
05:55Why'd you have that?
05:57It's to take her Auntie Linda into her dress
05:59Don't want her tits spilling over when she's saying her I do's
06:01Okay girls, 40 minutes and we head to the church, yeah?
06:04But we're not going to the church, remember?
06:06You know what I mean?
06:07It's a great idea Gavin's to have the wedding in the place where you two first met
06:11He's too tight to spend his own money is what he's saying
06:13Well I think it's mad romantic
06:15Better try and get him even
06:18I don't want one in for mine, the other one in Charleville
06:25It's a long journey
06:28Yeah
06:29Aintrum
06:43You alright there lads, yeah?
06:45I don't know, I have a question for you
06:48Conor has a question, ehm, yeah, Conor has a, I just want to ask, did you have sex with Linda
06:55Walsh last night at the inn?
06:57Yeah, come on now lads, you know yourselves, a gentleman never tells.
07:01Yeah, but if you did sleep with her, I just want you to know she was probably thinking of someone
07:05else the whole time.
07:06Yeah.
07:07Now that you say it, she actually did keep, eh, shouting out some other lads name the whole night.
07:12Well, you should have heard her, she was all...
07:15Oh, oh, Jesus Christ, oh, Jesus Christ, oh, Jesus Christ.
07:22Look, whatever happened between you and Linda, all right, she's still in love with kind, all right, and now she's
07:27going to marry some other fella.
07:28All right, cool. So what's up with me, like?
07:30We want you to come to the wedding and tell Gavin Madigan that you slept with Linda.
07:34What, humiliate her?
07:36Yeah.
07:36Yeah.
07:36In front of all of her friends and family?
07:38Exactly.
07:38Yeah, if you don't mind.
07:40Do we, we should be ashamed of yourselves?
07:41Yeah.
07:42The answer's no.
07:43Get lost.
07:45I hate to admit it, but maybe Hanson was right.
07:49He was more than just a six-pack and a cute ass.
07:53Can all wedding guests please be seated in the assembly hall?
07:57He was getting married at a school.
08:00Cheapest thing I ever heard in my life.
08:01It's all garb Madigan.
08:03It was time to bow out gracefully.
08:09So what about a man won in the end, huh?
08:11It's not a competition, Lee.
08:12Of course it was a competition.
08:14And I wiped your eye for you.
08:18A wedding doesn't count if it's in a school.
08:21I think that's actually true, you know.
08:23Would you look at the state of them.
08:27Would you stop being such a snob?
08:29It's amazing what you can find in a charity shop if you're not fussy.
08:34One sec.
08:38Or I'll lick your hat.
08:43Siobhan would like you to sit next to her for the mass.
08:46Really?
08:48What about-
08:49Don't mind what Barry thinks.
08:51As Linda said, you're a star's daddy.
08:54Which makes you family.
08:56Yeah.
08:57Ah, thanks.
08:58Man.
08:58Alright, Con?
09:00A smile wouldn't kill you.
09:02Why don't you have a horny day?
09:11The rumour is this could be Father Rooney's last mass.
09:14Supposed to be going through a crisis of faith.
09:18Yeah.
09:18Everything alright, Linda?
09:20Yeah.
09:21You're not thinking of jilting him at the altar, are you?
09:24It's just, you know, the reception's after costing me a fortune.
09:27Dad!
09:27It was a joke.
09:31He's a good man, Linda.
09:34Solid, you know.
09:35And the best thing about marrying a teacher, as your mother knows well, you can't be sacked.
09:40No matter how bad you are at your job.
09:43You know the way you love them spring rolls from the paddy field above at Bishopstown?
09:47Yeah.
09:48Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting those spring rolls every night for the rest of your life.
09:52What?
09:53Well, you've lost us.
09:54Last night, you fancied the spring rolls from Walk This Way in Tokar.
09:59And there's no shame in that.
10:02I'm gonna be sick.
10:04I'm gonna get sick.
10:10Siobhan, the caterer said the money is non-refundable.
10:13Piss off, guys!
10:16I'm good.
10:17I'm good.
10:19I'm fine.
10:21I'm fine.
10:24Oi.
10:25Try to control yourself when we're saying the vows.
10:28The last thing we need on videos is to sound you blubbing your eyes out.
10:32Billy thinks weddings are like funerals.
10:34You can just turn up, pay your respects, and get free booze and sandwiches.
10:40Billy.
10:41Why do you let him talk to you like that?
10:43I'm not letting him...
10:45It's his day, alright?
10:47Like he said, he won.
10:49Won?
10:49Is that what this is all about?
10:51Winning?
10:52I thought it was about love.
10:54Do you still love her?
10:55Of course I love her.
10:57And she doesn't love him.
11:00Why, she slept with handsome Dan Fogarty at the hen last night.
11:03She didn't want.
11:06Look, as much as I love a good valavan,
11:09I think we're gonna have to cancel this wedding.
11:11And how do you suppose we do that, Billy?
11:13I suppose we could drag handsome Dan in here and he can confess in front of the whole congregation.
11:18I tried that. He said no. I asked.
11:20That's your big mistake.
11:21You asked him.
11:24Are you okay?
11:26No, Billy. I'm really sad.
11:28Okay.
11:31God, he is so intense.
11:33I just don't want to hurt Gavin's feelings.
11:35That's the worst reason to get married.
11:38Especially when it's stopping you from getting what your heart really wants.
11:41He's a good person, Siobhan.
11:42But if he's a good person, he'll understand that you want to go back to your first love.
11:49You heard what Dad said. Everything is paid for now.
11:53Star?
11:54Are you ready to be a flower girl?
11:56Yay!
12:07Hiya!
12:11We would have been on time if you hadn't stopped at every orange light.
12:15Arr, our time we're here before the bride.
12:17Thanks to you.
12:20I can't believe we got overtaken by a mobility scooter.
12:22Could you maybe stop him crying?
12:24Will I switch him to flight mode, will I?
12:26Just take him outside.
12:27Maybe you should take him outside.
12:29Jesus.
12:39In you, Pop.
12:41Please, what?
12:42Look, I'm not going to hurt you.
12:44Fingers crossed.
12:46I'm just going to bring you to this wedding and you're going to tell everyone how you rode the bride
12:49last night.
12:51Alright, just mind my ass going in as the money maker, alright?
12:55You're not claustrophobic, are you?
12:57No.
12:58No?
12:58You might be after this.
13:02Do you notice they all have the same tash?
13:06Yeah.
13:07They're like the Three Musketeers.
13:09Except there's four of them always coming.
13:14Can we have a quick chat?
13:16A quick chat?
13:18About what?
13:21Somewhere in private.
13:22About what?
13:35Listen.
13:39I want to say I'm sorry.
13:43For being such an asshole to you just now.
13:45Is this some sort of joke, like?
13:47I was standing on the altar and...
13:49It dawned on me that...
13:52I should be thanking you.
13:53For what?
13:55Because you'll...
13:56You'll be something I'll never be.
13:59It's Linda's first love.
14:02And you know, she said to me...
14:04She wouldn't have fell in love with me...
14:07If you didn't teach her to love in the first place.
14:10Linda... Linda said that?
14:13Would you do me a favour?
14:17Would you do the readings for us?
14:21I know I mean a lot to Linda.
14:27Garveen.
14:29The whole thing.
14:31Jesus fucking Christ.
14:32For the second time that day...
14:34I realised that humiliating Linda in front of her family and friends...
14:38Might not be the right thing to do.
14:40Billy...
14:41I changed my mind.
14:45Careful now, I don't want to hurt you.
14:47Whoa, here we go.
14:51I'll tell you something.
14:52You're going to get your steps in today.
15:05That's a really long car.
15:10What was that about?
15:12It's crying.
15:13She's here.
15:16It's going to be okay.
15:21Oh, Jesus Christ.
15:34And remember, the least any of us deserve is to be happy.
15:38Thanks, Vaughan.
15:42Right.
15:44Come on.
15:55Are they going to do community like this?
15:58What?
15:59Wait.
16:01Hungry here.
16:02First love stays with you forever, forever and ever.
16:06First love stays with you forever, forever and ever.
16:09Oh, she's so great.
16:10I'll be like an earthly dragmer forever and ever.
16:15First love stays with you forever, ever and ever.
16:18Yeah, you're right.
16:20No.
16:27The way to school I tried to meet you
16:32Your father used to drop you off
16:36You'd step out of a red car, Tina
16:41You look so pretty on those winter mornings
16:47Bushlox stands with you forever
16:50I know you're not used to me giving you advice
16:55But you found your someone
16:58I don't want you to mess it up like I did
17:03You should go get him
17:07Not now
17:09Go after him
17:12We're gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of
17:15Gavin Madigan
17:17Linda
17:19Walsh
17:20Great
17:20Yeah, first reading
17:21Who is for the first reading?
17:26First reading, thank you
17:29Conor
17:30Is it Conor?
17:31Are we Conor?
17:33Are you the first reading?
17:34Can we move the first?
17:35Yeah, stand up
17:36Yeah
17:36And then
17:37Go on
17:37Go on
17:39There he is
17:40Very good
17:41Yeah
17:43Lovely
17:46What's going on
17:47What's going on
17:47What's going on
17:47What's going on
17:48What's going on
17:50What's going on
17:51I'm not going to read the whole thing
17:55I'm not going to read the whole thing
17:58Hey, Linda said you have a Mickey on your leg
18:00Get back out of the polos
18:07And
18:07Can you please get a move on
18:09I'm playing golf at three
18:10Public speaking isn't my strong point
18:12But I was going to nail this
18:14For Linda
18:15The first reading
18:17A reading from a book
18:19Of
18:20Or sorry
18:21The book
18:22What's wrong with you?
18:23Come on guy
18:24You can't read is it?
18:25I can read
18:26I'm just a bit dyslexic
18:27Or just make it up
18:28And say anything
18:32Do I speak
18:33With the tongues
18:34Of men
18:37And of angels
18:39Angels
18:40Oh
18:40Eh
18:40Ain't
18:41Dash
18:41Angels
18:43Hey
18:44But have not love
18:45I have become
18:49Brass
18:51And a resounding
18:53Gong
18:54He's a resounding gong alright
19:03Gavin
19:06Linda I'm sorry
19:07I wanted to be happy for Linda
19:10But I can get a bit hormonal at weddings
19:12And it has a tendency to mess with my decision making process
19:15But fuck it
19:16Back to the old plan
19:25Connor
19:25Billy
19:26Billy
19:27I changed my mind again
19:28Ok
19:30Operation
19:30Handsome
19:31Hand Grenade
19:32Is a go go
19:34Every other hour
19:35That I spend
19:36With you
19:37Is not the least
19:38It's sad
19:39Why the opposite
19:40In fact
19:41If you don't believe me
19:42Is the proof
19:43Ask me if I
19:44And I'll say I
19:45What
19:46I do
19:47Dan
19:47Dan
19:49Change your plan
19:50Mind your head
19:52Mind your head
19:53And now before Gavin and Linda make their solemn commitment to each other
19:57They've written their own vows
19:59Which they're now going to recite to each other
20:02The mine on my phone
20:03Brilliant
20:06Shit
20:07What
20:08It's asking for a software update
20:10I'm after saying yes
20:12Why didn't you just print them out
20:13I don't know
20:14It's the only one
20:15It's the only one I was saying
20:16We're living in a paperless world
20:18Do you not like
20:19I don't know
20:20Remember them
20:22Three guesses
20:23As to who's singing this
20:25I don't know
20:26No
20:27Your ma
20:28No
20:29Go on have another guess
20:31Is it Daniel actually
20:32Gilbert O'Sullivan
20:34He's actually from Waterford
20:36What could it be
20:38Woo
20:39That's matrimony
20:42It won't take long
20:45Look it's
20:46It's initialising
20:51Where's Billy
20:54Look at those prick with ears
20:57There's nobody on the road
21:01Look
21:02Come here
21:03I've got somewhere I've got to be
21:05Chop chop
21:06Alright lad
21:06I'm only messing with you
21:08Go on
21:08Go ahead
21:09In your own time
21:15I'm sorry about this
21:16It took me hours to ride him
21:19And there's a little bit of something in there for everyone
21:22Cries
21:24Laughters
21:24Is there a car chase as there?
21:26Well
21:27Are all on tender hooks
21:28I'm sure
21:29It's 80%
21:30You'll be cutting the cake
21:32When we get there
21:33Shut up you
21:35Steve McQueen
21:37Fuck
21:38Right
21:39Tell your turps I said hello
21:42What's happening Shakespeare?
21:44It's the wheel of death
21:46I think it's frozen
21:47We're gonna leave the vows
21:48Well that's ruined everyone's day I'm sure
21:51Right
21:52Let's zip through this
21:53Right
21:53Gavin
21:54Jimmy Barry
21:55Madigan
21:56Do you take Linda Anastasia Walsh
21:58To be your lawfully wedded wife
21:59Sickness and health
22:00Up and down
22:01Deathly apart
22:01I do
22:02Great
22:02Linda do you take Gavin
22:04Lawfully wedded husband
22:05Sickness and health
22:05Rest your days
22:12I
22:12I
22:13I
22:14I
22:15Say yes
22:16Stop this travesty
22:19I don't know who's the face
22:21When I saw Linda's face I realised the desperate lengths that love had driven me to
22:26Oh mother of god who's this now?
22:30It's Dan Fogarty
22:32It's Dan Fogarty
22:32He's a good looking fella isn't he?
22:34Yeah
22:35And he's got something to tell you
22:37Wait wait wait wait
22:42Dan you can go home
22:44Cool
22:44Yeah
22:44But I brought him for you
22:46Are you the fella from the poster?
22:48What is he doing here?
22:49He had sex with the bride last night
22:52He what?
22:53Fuck
22:56No he didn't
22:57Sure how could he?
22:59He was with me
23:00All night
23:03Playing cards like
23:04Yeah
23:05You don't have to lie for me Con
23:08I'm so sorry Gavin
23:10Was it the full ride?
23:12Cause I'm over the braction I can forgive
23:14I don't want your forgiveness
23:17I
23:18I don't want to marry you
23:23I
23:24I thought I did
23:25But then I realised I wasn't being true to myself
23:28And what I want more than anything in this whole world
23:31Is to be with my first true love
23:36You're not talking about that fucking lang ball are you?
23:39I am
23:41Dolphins
23:43Dolphins?
23:44Yeah
23:45I want to go to UCC and study marine science
23:48Thought you were going to say me there Linda
23:50Then I'm going to work with an NGO and Claire's all the plastic from the Pacific Ocean
23:54You really thought you were going to say me?
23:56I'm sorry
23:57To both of you
24:00But you were holding me back
24:02Did anyone else think she was going to say me?
24:05Ah right
24:05Well I'm teeing off at 3.30
24:07Good luck
24:10Sorry
24:12Are you surreal?
24:15Well
24:17It's the software update finished
24:20You shouldn't even worry about the nice things that I had to say
24:22Because
24:24It would be wasted on someone like you
24:28They were all wrote by ChatGPT anyway
24:38Hey
24:47Look I know you've been working really hard and
24:48Yeah, to provide for our child's future
24:50I know but I'm saying you don't have to
24:53I've already raised a son
24:54I did it by myself without a penny to my name
24:57He turned out alright didn't he?
24:58Yeah, is that the one who's just done three years in prison?
25:01Yeah, that's a fair point
25:05Look all I'm saying is
25:06What kind of future is our little boy going to have
25:08If his mother and father are strangers to each other?
25:12Yeah, I suppose it is a bit early to start thinking about which college to send him to
25:19Keep him alive, show him love, that's the job
25:21Everything else you just make up as you go along
25:31Are we going to this wedding then?
25:34Oh the wedding's off
25:36It's off?
25:38Long story
25:41Maybe you and me could go home while he's asleep
25:45I guess it's true what they say about weddings?
25:53I guess it's true what they say about weddings?
25:58Huh?
25:59This is so fucked and fun
26:01Oh yeah?
26:01Who's my fault?
26:02You're the one that told Billy to find an answer to the church
26:04To the church?
26:05Boy that's hardly a church
26:06You were too stingy to have bought a real wedding
26:08That he was out of your league anyway
26:11Hey!
26:11I love you Linda!
26:12I love you more!
26:18Out of his league is it?
26:19Well it's true
26:20Hasn't he got a good job and isn't it permanent and pensionable?
26:23We pay for half of this wedding alright?
26:25And you can sing for us?
26:27Oh yeah
26:30Being married to a scout teacher isn't the end of everyone's rainbow you know
26:34Well neither has being married to a slapper
26:38You're never going to get married to get one
26:39I'll just throw these to my shoes
26:40Yeah I'll throw these
26:41Yeah?
26:42Why?
26:42Why?
26:43Why?
26:46Why?
26:47Why?
26:50Why?
27:01Why?
27:02Why?
27:03Why?
27:04Why?
27:05Why?
27:07Why?
27:08Why?
27:09Why?
27:09Why not how?
27:14Why not how?
27:18Why not how?
27:21Why not how?
27:31Godiquement
27:42In the end, no one got what they wanted, except for Linda and Siwaan.
27:48The day didn't turn out the way any of us imagined it would.
27:52Except Jock was right what he said.
27:55Weddings really do make women horny.
28:27Weddings really do make women horny.
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