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00:03From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central,
00:07it's America's only source for news.
00:10This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Linus.
00:28Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Desi Lydic. We've got so much to talk about tonight.
00:33Lindsey Graham is a Disney princess.
00:35Major League Baseball is giving you a stomach ache.
00:38And Pete Hegseth gives a speech that makes you hope he's drinking again.
00:41So let's get into the headlines.
00:48Let's kick things off with Kristi Noem, former Secretary of Homeland Security
00:52and the inciting incident in All Dogs Go to Heaven.
00:57She's had a bad time recently. She lost her job.
01:00We found out about her affair and how it happened on a taxpayer-funded plane.
01:06She really needs to just lay low and stay out of the headlines.
01:11Sorry, what's that?
01:11Former Homeland Security Chief Kristi Noem is said to be stunned by reports
01:16that her husband may be leading a cross-dressing double life.
01:20According to The Daily Mail, Noem's 56-year-old husband, Brian,
01:25is a secret cross-dresser who wears gigantic fake boobs and wears pink hot pants
01:32while he chats online with fetish models who have gigantic breasts.
01:42I can't believe the lady banging her employee on a f***ing plane is the less messy one in their marriage.
01:51But you know what? You live your truth, Brian.
01:54Oh, she can dress up and you can't? F*** that!
01:58You know what?
02:03If she had an affair, you have a free pass.
02:07You can do whatever you want.
02:08I support you and your beautiful lazy-eyed balloon nipples.
02:12No, truly, I have never felt more seen.
02:15You know what they say, sometimes they're sisters, not twins.
02:20Let's move on to a different type of inflation, the one at the gas pump.
02:24All right, the breaking news this morning.
02:26Gas prices in the United States now higher than $4 a gallon for the first time since 2022.
02:32Part of the reason, basically the full closure of the Strait of Hormuz.
02:36Almost no oil has passed out over the last month.
02:40Yeah, this sucks.
02:41We're supposed to be drill, baby, drill.
02:43We're supposed to be self-sufficient.
02:45So how is the gas prices going up?
02:47It's too expensive, puppy.
02:49You know, I might buy me a horse or something.
02:53Yes, that, sir, is a great idea.
02:55Horses drink much less gasoline.
02:58By the way, this is how much Americans hate Teslas now.
03:01They're just like, how do I stop using so much gas?
03:04Maybe a horse?
03:07It doesn't matter how many horses we buy.
03:10Oil prices won't come down until the Strait of Hormuz is as open as Kristi Noem's marriage.
03:16President Trump, President Trump, it was your stupid war that closed it in the first place.
03:21Do you have any suggestions for how to open it back up?
03:24All of those countries that can't get jet fuel because of the Strait of Hormuz, I have a suggestion for
03:29you.
03:29Build up some delayed courage.
03:31Go to the Strait and just take it.
03:33You'll have to start learning how to fight for yourselves.
03:36Go get your own oil.
03:41So, just to get this straight, you started a war that caused the Strait of Hormuz to be closed, and
03:47now you want someone else to figure out how to open it?
03:50It's the Middle East.
03:52It's not a toilet in the second floor office bathroom.
03:55If you clogged it, it's your job to unclog it.
04:00Unless, unless, no one saw you go in and then you blame it on Michael Kosta.
04:11You know what? Forget him.
04:13Maybe someone else can help us figure out exactly what's going on with this war.
04:16Pete Hegseth.
04:17You're smarter than Donald Trump.
04:19Well, you're more qualified than Don...
04:21Well, you're...
04:23You're not Donald Trump, so what's your take?
04:25This new regime, because regime change has occurred, should be wiser than the last.
04:33Wait.
04:36New regime?
04:37You killed the Ayatollah and they replaced him with an even more hardline son.
04:42That is the opposite of regime change.
04:44That is regime maxing.
04:47Please.
04:53Please, give us a plan.
04:54You were in the region this weekend. What did you see?
04:57I had a chance to bear witness.
05:00And I witnessed the best of America.
05:03Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
05:05Pete, don't try to be poetic. Don't do that.
05:07In my mind's eye, I'm actually looking out at the groups I met this weekend.
05:12Those maintainers who we walked up at sunset with the chill in the air on the flight line.
05:18I met a junior airman as the sun was going down and a chill was setting on the tarmac.
05:23I did the same with his boss, a colonel with a heart the size of Texas and a beautiful deployment
05:32mustache to match.
05:39Kind of got weirdly horny at the end.
05:44A heart the size of Texas, an ass as tight as Idaho, and a penis the shape of Rhode Island.
05:53Okay, you know what? Forget Pete Hegseth.
05:57I know who can help us figure out this war.
05:59Lindsey Graham, Senator from South Carolina and Living Confederate Monument.
06:05Because when I tell you that he has been wanting to go to war for a long time, I mean
06:10a long time.
06:12I would urge President Trump to go all in to make sure that when this operation is over, there's nothing
06:20left standing in Iran regarding their nuclear program.
06:24We're going to blow up all your oil refineries.
06:26Hit Iran.
06:27Blow it off the map.
06:28Don't underrate killing them all.
06:30Interesting.
06:30That gets everybody's attention.
06:31I don't know.
06:31It is now time for them to pay a price.
06:33We'll use military force.
06:35Destroy the air force, sink their navy.
06:37We need to look at military options.
06:39We should destroy their ability to make conventional war.
06:42I think it's better to use military force than it is to allow them to have a nuclear weapon.
06:46The most dangerous thing in the world, in my opinion, would be the regime in Iran possessing a nuclear weapon.
06:51And if military force is necessary, then so be it.
06:57Wow.
06:58Okay, he's been going after Iran since before I was even born.
07:02Don't Google it.
07:03Don't Google it.
07:04Seriously, Graham is more excited about blowing things up than Kristi Noem's husband.
07:17The point is, surely this guy knows what's going on with this war.
07:21In fact, he's probably sitting in the Situation Room as we speak.
07:25Republican Senator Lindsey Graham spotted by TMZ at Disney World.
07:29You can see him carrying a bubble wand at the Magic Kingdom, dining at Chef Mickey's,
07:35and even in line to ride Space Mountain.
07:39Are you f***ing kidding me?
07:40Lindsey Graham went to Disney World?
07:43I know going to war with Iran was important to him, but I didn't know it was his Super Bowl.
07:49By the way, for any Jets fans out there, the winning team at the Super Bowl traditionally goes to Disney
07:56World.
07:58Oh.
08:00Also, the Super Bowl is the last game of an NFL season.
08:05You know what? We don't have time for all this.
08:08I'm sure he was there to do all the normal things adults do at Disney World, like eating your body
08:13weight and Dippin' Dots,
08:14or showing your boobs on Splash Mountain.
08:16Or maybe you went to see that new Olaf robot that everyone's talking about.
08:21Olaf, the animatronic here at Disney apparently had its first public malfunction just dropping back.
08:37I can't believe Mitch McConnell was also at Disney!
08:47What are the odds?
08:50But if you're angry that Lindsey Graham is at the Magic Kingdom while the country is in a war he
08:54pushed for, don't worry.
08:56He has an almost plausible explanation.
08:59He says, look, you know, I was in Florida because I had a meeting with Steve Witkoff, one of President
09:03Trump's people,
09:04where they were talking about normaling relations between Saudi and Israel.
09:07I was in Florida on meetings and just decided to swing by Disney World.
09:13Just decided to swing by Disney World?
09:16No, it is impossible to swing by Disney World.
09:20Oh, uh, babe, I'm just gonna swing by Disney World.
09:22Want me to pick you up a $30 turkey leg?
09:24I'll be back in three days.
09:27No.
09:28Going to Disney without a serious plan would be like, I don't know, attacking Iran without a serious plan.
09:41Even Lindsey Graham knew that excuse didn't work, so he's moved on to overcompensating.
09:47On Twitter, he's posting photos of a different flavor.
09:49One of him in South Carolina carrying a gun.
09:53Oh, honey.
09:55No one's buying that.
09:57Who can tell he's not happy out there in the woods?
10:00He wants to be where the people are.
10:03He wants to see, want to see him dancing.
10:08But clearly he felt the backlash.
10:10By the way, can we see what he was hunting out there?
10:23Unfortunately, Olaf will be replaced by his son, who is also named Olaf, and who may be even more hardline
10:29than his father.
10:30Or, as we call it now, regime change.
10:34When we come back, we catch up on the latest in sports, so don't go away.
10:49Welcome back to The Daily Show.
10:51I think I speak for everyone when I say politics drools and sports rules.
10:55For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to Sports War.
11:01Get ready for battle.
11:03It's time for Sports War.
11:07Brought to you by gambling.
11:09Gambling.
11:09If your family says stop, get a new family.
11:19What's up, numby num nuts? I'm Roy Chang.
11:22And I'm Michael Costa.
11:23This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.
11:28So if I say volleyball is the most exciting sport...
11:32Then I say screw that.
11:33I can't even look at a volleyball without crying ever since I got straight on that island and my only
11:37friend was a volleyball.
11:40I keep telling you, Michael, you're confusing your life with Tom Hanks movies.
11:45So I don't have AIDS and live in Philadelphia?
11:49That's a relief. I hate Philadelphia.
11:53Let's start things off with the ten greatest words in sports.
11:59March, Madness, Buzzer Beater. Wow, that was some crazy shit.
12:04What a moment.
12:06Mullins tosses it up!
12:08It's the ultimate buzzer beater in the final seconds of Duke vs. Yukon.
12:13And it's certain to go down as one of the greatest shots of all time.
12:18The announcers were left stunned into silence.
12:21And Duke fans left in shock as that shot from the logo goes in.
12:26That's right, suck it, Blue Devils!
12:32What a Cinderella story to see Duke, a school of spoiled rich kids, lose to Connecticut, a state of spoiled
12:40rich kids.
12:42Hey, Duke players, enjoy making millions when you move on to the NBA, you losers!
12:47I'm telling you, Costa, those final ten seconds were the best in March Madness history.
12:52Who gives a shit about the last ten seconds?
12:54That's all I care about is the first ten seconds.
12:57That's all I can handle ever since my attention span was ruined by what doctors call the Mr. Beastification of
13:03my brain.
13:05Costa, you moron. The buzzer beater is a rare wonder in sports.
13:09You almost never see it. It's like watching Tiger Woods safely drive a car.
13:13This...
13:15You never see it.
13:17This moment was peak March Madness.
13:21Huh. Disagree, Ron.
13:23The true March Madness is the fact that we all spend all month watching men's basketball instead of honoring Women's
13:30History Month.
13:30Oh, my God. Here we go.
13:33Hey.
13:35Hey.
13:37Hey, what gives, society?
13:40Well, I love basketball. There's nothing I love more than celebrating the remarkable work of all of history's greatest bitches
13:47and hoes.
13:49In fact, just after tip-off, I threw on a fascinating documentary about a stepmom who walked in on her
13:55stepdaughter totally mangling this tug job.
13:58Talk about a crazy final ten seconds.
14:02Which brings us to our final four scheme, better than night. How will the Duke Blue Devil numb the pain?
14:09Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. So easy a cave woman can do it.
14:15Let's move on from the unbeatable excitement of basketball to the beatable excitement of baseball. Everyone loves yelling at the
14:22umpire. It's the best way to compensate for whatever's going on at home. And it's about to even get better.
14:28For the first time in the history of the sport, Major League Baseball, players who disagree with a called ball
14:34or strike will have something they can do other than holler and kick dirt.
14:38The new automated ball strike challenge system, also known as ABS. The pitcher, catcher, or hitter can challenge an umpire's
14:46call immediately after a pitch just by tapping their head.
14:49Ugh, goddammit. What is happening to the sport I've known and loved ever since Asians got good at it like
14:55three seasons ago?
14:58If drunk fans can get angry at the umpire, they'll need to find new things to get mad about. Like,
15:03I don't know, Mr. and Mrs. Met's incestuous marriage.
15:07I mean, they're clearly siblings. Let me just ask you, what would Babe Ruth say if he saw what baseball's
15:13become?
15:14He'd probably say, hey, what happened to all the really fat guys playing baseball?
15:20Regardless, this replay system is great. What's so wrong with giving umpires some extra help? Their job is incredibly difficult.
15:26I mean, do you know how hard it is to watch an entire baseball game?
15:32Oh, please. Come on, now.
15:35They're laughing for me.
15:37Where's the humanity in sports? Let umpires make mistakes. Mistakes are part of the game.
15:43It's like when a player drops a pop fly or takes too many steroids and tries to kill the bad
15:47boy.
15:48It's why we watch the game.
15:51Uh, uh, uh, I'd like to challenge that take. Let's go to the replay.
15:57I'm stupid.
16:00Wow. Wow. The tape don't lie, Ronnie.
16:04Of course, the new ball and strike challenge system isn't the only upgrade the major leagues are getting this year.
16:10With the new season, new foods are coming to ballparks across the country.
16:14A whole host of new food items this year, including the behemoth bat flip.
16:18Two pounds of meat and onions and egg and holy moly.
16:22The base has loaded nachos. They come in a gallon-sized bucket.
16:26The glizzilla. It's a two-foot, one-pound hot dog.
16:31For the fans of the Marlins this year, we have the machete. It's a house-made, two-foot quesadilla.
16:37Finally, a two-foot-long quesadilla to go to town on. And I don't even have to buy it. I
16:43can just wait for the guy next to me to die halfway through and eat his.
16:49This... This is a great reminder that baseball is so much more than a game.
16:54It's really about a father and a son going down to the ballpark together, grabbing a gallon of nachos and
17:00four feet worth of hot dog meat.
17:02And then obliterating two toilets at the exact same time.
17:06That's a core memory if I ever heard one.
17:09Miss you, pops.
17:11Wait, are you kidding me? This food is disgusting.
17:14Plus, why buy food at a stadium when there's so many free peanut shells lying on the ground?
17:18Hey, you sneaking some noodles and an egg? You got yourself some pad thai.
17:23Well, that brings us to our Tough Clench bet of the week.
17:26Which major league stadium's plumbing will explode first?
17:30Brought to you by Gambling. Gambling.
17:33When you're sliding into first and you feel something burst. Gambling.
17:37Well, that's all the time we have on Sports Word.
17:39Join us next time when we debate if there's crying in baseball.
17:43And as I told that chick on the Rockford Peaches, no.
17:46I did not come here.
17:47You don't know what you're talking about.
17:49How many times do you want me to see?
17:51I was like five coaches.
18:05Welcome back to The Daily Show.
18:06My guest tonight is an award-winning filmmaker and comedian whose new HBO special is called Color Theories.
18:13Purple is the color of mystery.
18:17Purple is the color of intrigue.
18:20Purple is yours.
18:21It's different than Lilac.
18:23Lilac is being a mom.
18:28Purple is being a stepmother.
18:38Lilac is honey. Dinner is ready.
18:40Purple is locking her in the tower.
18:46Please welcome Julio Torres!
19:05Oh boy!
19:08You good? Settled?
19:10Wait, I love this.
19:11Do you? The spin?
19:12The spin.
19:13Or just the comfort of the chair?
19:15I've never done a...
19:17a talk show where spinning was an option.
19:20You can spin as much as you want.
19:22Have you ever had...
19:22This is basic cable. We have no rules.
19:24Oh my God.
19:25Have you ever been in like a little tiff
19:27with someone that you're interviewing
19:28and they go like...
19:32Well, there's a first for everything.
19:34Okay.
19:37No.
19:39Make me come back.
19:41Oh wait, but you did a...
19:41Convince me to come back.
19:44The show needs you.
19:45Okay.
19:46Okay.
19:47That was easy.
19:48I have to tell you,
19:50I labored over what I was gonna wear today.
19:52I panicked over the color choice,
19:54so I just bailed and I went with gray.
19:56Mm-hmm.
19:57Thank you, one person.
19:58Wait, we gotta...
19:59We gotta...
20:00This is quite remarkable.
20:02We got an owl for gray.
20:04Yes!
20:05Is that right?
20:06I feel like gray doesn't normally get meow.
20:09It definitely does not.
20:11What's your interpretation of gray?
20:13Well...
20:15White is what you know.
20:18Mm-hmm.
20:19Black is what you don't know.
20:22So, gray is that liminal space.
20:25Well, that fits me.
20:27Yeah.
20:29So, like waiting rooms.
20:31Oh.
20:32I dress...
20:35Are you saying I dress like a waiting room today?
20:38Or that...
20:38Or like...
20:39Like that feeling...
20:40You know what, you're gonna have to wait for the rest of this interview.
20:42No.
20:44No.
20:48Gray can be very sexy.
20:49You gotta meow.
20:50Okay, I'm back.
20:50Yeah, okay.
20:52Uh, I will tell you, I desperately want to be purple,
20:55but I feel like I'm giving more lilac.
20:58Is that true?
20:59We need mothers.
21:00Okay.
21:01That's a yes!
21:02That's a yes!
21:04Yeah.
21:06We need mothers.
21:08Yeah.
21:10Clapping for...
21:11Clapping for...
21:12Yeah.
21:13I mean, we do, for species-wise.
21:15It is that administration.
21:16Yeah.
21:18Um...
21:19Being purple is...
21:20That's...
21:21That's hard.
21:21Yeah.
21:22To be purple all the time.
21:23What do you have to do to be purple?
21:25Be evil?
21:26No.
21:27Okay.
21:27No.
21:28Um, just, you know, like, mysterious, like...
21:32seductive, alluring, a little dangerous.
21:35Okay, I'll try a little harder.
21:36That's a hard gig to, like, all the time.
21:38That's your way of saying it's not gonna happen, honey.
21:42No, I think it...
21:43Nice try.
21:43I think it could happen.
21:44I don't...
21:46I don't know that it could happen on The Daily Show.
21:48Yeah.
21:50Like, you'd have to be, like, in a soap opera.
21:52You know what I mean?
21:53Is that a pivot?
21:54Do you want to do that?
21:56Is that an invitation?
21:58We'll...
21:58We'll get a greenlit.
21:59Should we do a soap opera?
22:00Yeah.
22:01Okay.
22:02Let's catch everyone up to speak.
22:03Yeah.
22:03If you haven't seen the special, tell everyone what the special is about.
22:06Um, the special is my guide through my, um, uh, theories that I came up about colors
22:18that are, uh, unproven.
22:22And are not informed in any... in any kind of, um, research or, um, or ex... or expertise.
22:35Just sort of things I thought about.
22:38Um...
22:39I will say...
22:40That I said.
22:41I...
22:43You did say them.
22:44Yeah.
22:45And you said them well.
22:46I had... I...
22:47You explored these ideas about colors and systems and characteristics in ways that I've certainly
22:53never thought about.
22:55And yet, I'm, like, watching your special nodding along like, oh, my God, yellow is exactly
23:00that way.
23:01How did you...
23:01How did you know that this would resonate with your audience?
23:05I mean, I didn't.
23:07What?
23:09And you told me.
23:11Um, uh, no, I never do something...
23:15I mean, I always, when I'm-when I'm creating something, I'm always crossing my fingers
23:19that I'm not the only person that sees that that way.
23:23Mm-hmm.
23:24Um, but I'm always down for the community at large being like, huh?
23:34Which, that could happen.
23:35Well...
23:35But I don't think it has happened.
23:37No, it hasn't.
23:38No.
23:38Because you really did.
23:39You really struck a nerve.
23:40And there's such an interesting visual quality to this special as well.
23:44It's such an immersive experience.
23:45It feels like we've been invited into your own whimsical world.
23:49What...
23:50You have, like, objects coming to life.
23:52You have spilled wine that comes to life and a music box that comes to life.
23:56What went...
23:57What went into planning the visual aesthetic of the show?
24:01Well, I...
24:02I love working with production designers.
24:05And ours for this special is Tommaso Ortino, who I really love.
24:10Um, but we were talking about what should the set look like.
24:14And I had my notebook and I was sketching ideas for what I thought the set should look like.
24:20And then I took a step back and realized, oh, wait, no, the set should look like a giant notebook.
24:25Mm-hmm.
24:26So then I sent a picture of that and sent it to Tommaso.
24:29And he was like, so sorry, it should look like the drawings in the notebook?
24:35I was like, no, it is the notebook.
24:38Aww.
24:39And it does.
24:39It looks like a giant pop-up book.
24:41Yeah, it's a big pop-up book that opens and I am sleeping inside of.
24:46But he's not sleeping...
24:47He's not sleeping the whole time.
24:48No.
24:48He wakes up eventually.
24:49I wake up when the show begins.
24:52Do you have...
24:53You know how some...
24:53That's a great review.
24:54He wakes up when the show begins.
24:56When the show begins.
24:58He's awake for the show.
25:00It was a show and he was awake.
25:02And he was awake.
25:03Enjoy.
25:04Mm-hmm.
25:05Um, you know how musicians have that thing, uh, some musicians have synesthesia?
25:11Yes.
25:11Is that what it's called?
25:11Where you hear music and you've seen...
25:12Medical condition.
25:14Yeah.
25:14Very serious medical condition.
25:16Yeah.
25:16You hear music and you see color.
25:18Do you have that?
25:19But for comedy?
25:22Okay.
25:24This is where I've landed with this question that I have faced before.
25:29I think we all have it.
25:34Period.
25:35End of sentence.
25:37Okay.
25:38Because I think...
25:39I think...
25:40Because every time someone explains it to me, what synesthesia is, and I'm like,
25:44right.
25:45We all have that.
25:46Yeah.
25:46I don't think everyone has that, though.
25:49I think we all do.
25:50Okay.
25:50I think that if you sit down and think enough about what feelings come up with different
25:55colors and what opinions you have about...
25:58Because it's like, think about it.
25:59Like, when...
25:59When a company wants to seem healthy, they use green, right?
26:03Yes.
26:03Because green is, like, calming and serene.
26:05When something wants to appear serious, they use, like, gray or navy blue.
26:13Yes.
26:15Um...
26:15And then those things trigger different emotions.
26:19So, when you started playing around with this idea and exploring colors in this way,
26:23did it...
26:23Did it come from an association, like, just a general vibe of the color, or a previous experience
26:29with those colors?
26:31Like, names, sometimes.
26:33Like, you know, like, I've never met a Susan that I liked.
26:35Oh.
26:36Sorry, is anyone here named Susan?
26:39No, you know what's happening now.
26:41Get the f*** out.
26:43Get the f*** out.
26:45I'm sorry.
26:46I'm really sorry about that.
26:47No.
26:48She shouldn't have been in here.
26:50You know what's happening, though?
26:52Now the Susans that you do know are watching this and are, like...
26:56You know what?
26:56F***ing let them.
26:57Oh.
26:58F***ing...
27:00F***ing watch...
27:02F***ing let them.
27:03Go for it, Susan.
27:04I'd like to see what you do, Susan.
27:07No, you're right.
27:08You're right.
27:08You're right.
27:09We'll edit this part out.
27:11Wait, but what...
27:12What led us into Susan?
27:13Oh, um...
27:15No, you're...
27:15When you were...
27:16When you were first exploring this...
27:17Yes, yes.
27:17Was it a general vibe thing that the colors give to you, or previous experiences that
27:21you had with those colors?
27:22Okay, this is sort of what it was.
27:25I have always admired comedians that can do impressions.
27:29Mm-hmm.
27:31And I...
27:32When I sat down and thought, like, oh, what impressions can I do?
27:35I thought of, like, orange.
27:37Mm-hmm.
27:41Give me your best orange.
27:44Okay, well, now I'm in the spot.
27:47Do you need me to...
27:48I don't want to seem ridiculous.
27:51Um, okay, no, I think...
27:52Give us orange.
27:53Give us orange.
27:54Okay, I think orange...
27:54I think orange is...
27:55Is like...
27:55Is like...
27:58It's like...
27:59That's so orange!
28:00Yeah, I think orange is like...
28:03Like...
28:04Like, fun, sun and surf.
28:07Like, fun to date.
28:08Maybe don't marry.
28:09Yes.
28:10Yes.
28:11Yeah.
28:12Great dad for some of the years.
28:15Okay.
28:15Not all of them.
28:17When things get really serious, you don't want dad to be orange.
28:20Right.
28:21Yeah.
28:21So, wait, early dad is orange, or late dad is orange?
28:24I would say...
28:26Toddler to early adolescence...
28:29Okay.
28:29...benefits from orange.
28:32Right.
28:32You want to throw the ball around, you know...
28:35Sure.
28:35Et cetera, et cetera.
28:36Yeah.
28:37Um, before you don't need...
28:39Before it's like...
28:41Put down the guitar, there's a baby, right?
28:46Um, I feel...
28:48I'm hearing parenting.
28:48I've never...
28:49I don't know children.
28:50I am...
28:52Just so you know, I'm firing...
28:54I have no connection to any of this.
28:56I'm firing my therapist after this.
28:58I will only come to you for parental advice.
29:00I think...
29:01I know exactly what you're talking about.
29:02I think, um...
29:03That would be great for...
29:05For your development as a person.
29:09Uh, it feels like the world is very navy blue at the moment.
29:15Kind of overwhelmingly navy blue.
29:18So...
29:18Yes.
29:19And they're like, what?
29:21Um...
29:22Uh...
29:22Uh...
29:23What...
29:24What I meant in this special by navy blue is...
29:28So...
29:30Blue is, to me, the color of logic.
29:34Mm-hmm.
29:35Two plus two is four.
29:37Blue.
29:38Navy blue has a little bit of the unknown.
29:42Mm-hmm.
29:43Something's hidden.
29:45So, like...
29:46Um...
29:48Uh...
29:48The...
29:49The tax code...
29:51Is...
29:53Is navy blue.
29:55Cuz...
29:55But navy blue pretends like it's just logic.
29:58Right.
29:58It's just like, what?
29:59No, this makes perfect sense.
30:00That you...
30:01That you pay this much.
30:03Sure.
30:03And Mr. Bezos doesn't pay anything.
30:05Yeah.
30:07That makes perfect sense.
30:08It's like, no, you're hiding something in...
30:09In the darkness there.
30:11Uh-huh.
30:12Um...
30:14So, yeah.
30:14I would say that...
30:15That...
30:16The absurdity...
30:19I think, actually, what's happening is navy blue's mask...
30:22Is falling off a little bit.
30:23Mm-hmm.
30:23And we're like...
30:26Wait.
30:27But...
30:28What about the constitution?
30:30And now they're like...
30:32And it's like...
30:37Which is sort of like...
30:40Which they're sort of like...
30:41No, that's like saying the floor is lava.
30:43Right.
30:44It's like...
30:45No, you can touch the floor.
30:46It's not lava.
30:47Right.
30:48And we're like...
30:48Oh, okay.
30:49What...
30:51What is so overwhelmingly navy blue to you right now...
30:54That pisses you off the most?
30:58Um...
30:58Only because it's top of mind right now.
31:01Cuz I was just at a...
31:02At a...
31:03At a rally.
31:04Any argument...
31:05All the arguments I've heard against taxing the ultra-rich
31:10Or big corporations feel very navy blue.
31:13Mm-hmm.
31:14Cuz they're like...
31:17Uh...
31:20They're like...
31:21Well, that...
31:21That would destroy the economy and break...
31:24And it's like, well...
31:25We know something's not working right now.
31:28Yes.
31:30And we tried...
31:32Trickle Down.
31:33We gave it a...
31:34A shot.
31:35Did we ever?
31:36I'm like...
31:37We gave it many shots.
31:40Uh...
31:41And that didn't work.
31:44We gave it a fair shot.
31:45Sure.
31:46To Little Miss Trickle Down economics.
31:48Um...
31:49And so any argument I hear is just like...
31:53It's coming from people who present themselves as like very logical.
31:56Mm-hmm.
31:57People that know better.
31:59But it's like...
32:00Right...
32:01What are you hiding?
32:03And it's usually donor money, right?
32:06Always donor money in the end.
32:07It's always donor money.
32:08So the political parties are typically...
32:11You think of Republicans being red and Democrats being blue.
32:14Is that the way that you see the color variation for...
32:18Okay.
32:18I think...
32:19Yes.
32:20I think that historically, the US, both the left and the right,
32:27Democrat and Republican, has had very...
32:32Has walked down the line of navy blue.
32:34Mm-hmm.
32:34They have both, regardless of whether or not you agree with them,
32:38they have both...
32:38They both present as logical while clearly hiding something.
32:43Yes.
32:45Um...
32:48The...
32:50But I think MAGA, which advertises itself as red,
32:55it's saying, no, we are angry.
32:57You are angry, we are angry.
32:58We're different.
32:59It's actually, I think, burgundy.
33:04Because it, too, is hiding something...
33:06Yes.
33:07...in black.
33:09And...
33:10I think it's the same thing that's being hidden in navy blue.
33:13I think so, too.
33:14Yeah.
33:15That's so true.
33:17Money, they like money.
33:18They all like money.
33:19They like money.
33:20Yeah.
33:22Okay.
33:25I can't believe I'm saying all of this wearing this.
33:28It makes perfect sense to me.
33:29Okay, great.
33:30It works.
33:31Um...
33:32I just feel foolish that I don't have one on.
33:36It's okay.
33:36Next time.
33:36We'll do it in post.
33:38Yeah.
33:39One final question for you.
33:40Yes.
33:40And this has been burning me up inside.
33:42Real talk.
33:43What the f*** is up with puce?
33:47Puse?
33:48The hue of pink puce?
33:50The color.
33:51Puse.
33:52Which is like a...
33:53Like a dusty pink.
33:55I thought it was like a...
33:56Between a green and a yellow.
33:58Can anyone confirm that?
33:59Yes.
33:59Applause.
34:02Who...
34:03Who thought it was a pink?
34:04Did anyone here think it was pink?
34:06Okay.
34:07You're not alone.
34:11Okay, so you...
34:11We think it's between a...
34:12What was it?
34:13A green and a yellow?
34:14Do you like it's a...
34:15Between a green and a...
34:16What do you do for a living?
34:17I'm a math teacher.
34:18Okay, you're a teacher.
34:20Yes.
34:20But math.
34:21But math.
34:23But math.
34:24Applause.
34:30And pink...
34:31So colors was like an elective for her.
34:34Zero experience.
34:36And pink, the clapper over here.
34:39What do you...
34:39I'm an electrical engineer.
34:41Okay.
34:41A what?
34:42I'm an electrical engineer.
34:44An electrical engineer.
34:46Okay.
34:47That's pretty fab.
34:48Yeah, it is fab.
34:49It's like...
34:50Not...
34:52This is you at work.
34:56Um...
34:56That's what I think an electrical engineer does.
34:58You know what?
34:58I love that...
34:59I love that anyone in this room could Google it right now,
35:02and we could get to the bottom of this,
35:04but we're not going to.
35:05Okay, but my...
35:05Okay, I want to ask the question under the question.
35:08Yeah.
35:09Which is, you seem pretty revolted about this color.
35:12What's my favorite?
35:13If it's the color that I'm thinking of, I don't.
35:14What memory does it trigger?
35:15And...
35:16And does Susan wear it?
35:21Like...
35:23It is all...
35:25Is it pink?
35:26Wait.
35:26It is pink?
35:27It's pink.
35:28It's pink?
35:29Did someone Google it?
35:31Our showrunner says it's pink.
35:33It's pink.
35:34You're right.
35:34You are the color expert.
35:37So I was wrong.
35:38I was told...
35:38I was told you had a thing about it,
35:40and I Googled it, like, two seconds ago.
35:43Yeah.
35:43God, you cheat.
35:44Um...
35:45So what...
35:45But the name...
35:47You know, I...
35:48For me, okay, this is...
35:49This really feeds into the theme of your special,
35:52because I was putting an unfair characterization
35:55on the color,
35:57and I didn't even know enough about the color.
36:00I put all my judgment on it.
36:02I didn't even know what the color was.
36:04Puse is like, you've never talked to me.
36:06Yeah.
36:06We've never met.
36:06Yes.
36:07And then here you are on TV, dragging me.
36:10Yes.
36:11Didn't know...
36:11I didn't even educate myself about Puse
36:14before I threw judgment on it.
36:15And Puse is not thinking about you.
36:17No.
36:19Boy, is she not.
36:21Puse is like, I don't have time for this.
36:24Like, I have a full life.
36:25I'm sorry you have time to obsess about me.
36:30Wow.
36:30I feel so foolish right now.
36:33Yeah.
36:33I just want to apologize to Puse.
36:35And you know what?
36:36it.
36:36I apologize to Susan, too.
36:38We...
36:39We fixed so much.
36:40We fixed so much.
36:41In this segment.
36:42I adore you.
36:43Congratulations.
36:44This is wonderful.
36:45Congratulations and respectful.
36:47Oh, thank you.
36:48Thank you very much.
36:49I apologize for streaming now on HBO.
36:52Julio Torres!
36:53We're gonna thank you for the break.
36:55We'll be right back after that.
36:58This is the one!
37:00This is the one!
37:08That's our show for tonight.
37:10But before we go, it's National Run for Office Day.
37:13Go to thedailyshow.com slash take a seat to learn more from our friends at Headcount about
37:18running for office.
37:19We look forward to your unsolicited text asking for campaign donations.
37:24Now here it is, your Moment of Zen.
37:26From Venezuela to Cuba, and now he's going to curve down what's happened in Iraq so they
37:31can't...
37:31Iran's the size of the country of Iraq, or excuse me, of Iran.
37:35This is before the war in Iraq, the oldest synagogue, excuse me, Iran.
37:39Why do the Iraqis, or the Iranians, excuse me, concerns over the war with Iraq?
37:44And now multiple sources, excuse me, war with Iran, I want to rephrase that.
37:50Sorry.
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