- 12 minutes ago
Mock the Week 2026 S01E08
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04:14delivered yeah I'm really feeling the pinch because it throws people when you
04:20tell them you have your heating all delivered it seems like a very weird way
04:23to heat your house that a man drives a tanker full of oil up to your type it's
04:27like it's like having your electricity delivered just showed up to change the
04:31batteries in your house really huge double-a battery
04:45do you really I didn't I think you're joking I actually know we have heating
04:48well in our house yeah it's more than doubled in price yeah this is the most
04:53Irish I've ever felt that you are yeah we were burning Protestants
05:07of praise going oh that's a good one out there you get a week out of that one
05:13now how'd you get the news about the oil prices add your medium wave radio your
05:19black we have the internet brought in once a week in buckets what else might go up in
05:27price everything everything everything right yeah mortgage rates are going up
05:33on mortgages are going to go up and as a millennial can I just say ha ha ha I just
05:39think with the mortgage is going up right it's just like because you know boomers
05:42are the ones with the mortgages yeah right and if you are a boomer who's
05:45struggling to pay your mortgage just think if maybe you'd bought a few less
05:48houses and a few more posh copies you wouldn't be in this yeah we're always being criticized
05:59for being like the golden generation because we've earned more money from
06:02property now kids let me tell you there is nothing golden about having your
06:06children live with you forever it does worry me I wonder if we're going to get to the point where
06:17the only way we'll keep warm we'll be having forges smothered in deep heat
06:23and you'll just pass pass lay-bys in Norfolk and there'll be people rutting in puffin jackets
06:30but that happens anyway yeah also people on Ozempic and Manjaro they got a lot of hate for a while
06:37and now food's so expensive who's laughing now we don't need it yeah but you can there's there's ways
06:44to like you know there's money-saving ideas to get it cheaper you know like to get petrol cheaper
06:48you just got to find that garage that does it cheaper than all the other ones haven't you you
06:51know I found this one it's 10p cheaper than anywhere else and it's in Carlisle so I just
06:54drive there every time how has Keir Starmer stood up to Donald Trump by not sending ships straight
07:02away and then offering to send ships but being told that the war is already won and then not
07:08even saying anything when being asked for more ships anyway we have yeah but it was not it wasn't
07:17offensive it's defensive and it's the HMS dragon why is it called a dragon dragons are not water-based
07:23animal I think I think it's a concession to the Welsh I think it's a kind of the Welsh isn't
07:27a dragon is it
07:28technically no no it's got a different name and it's got those big legs I don't think that's a
07:33dragon either what is it then I should have listened more on QI the other day this will never come
07:43up
07:43again that's fantastic we basically you're bringing second-hand panel show information
07:55when are we doing the prize task this is a class 45 destroyer isn't it and what the thing yeah
08:02yeah
08:03yeah yeah yeah yeah if either me or Dara knew that we'd look really suspicious
08:10yeah yeah notoriously they have certain weaknesses that semtex can be jammed into
08:16I think you should send him more ships but charge a 60% tariff for each one
08:21I think that's the system the ship that's being sent isn't the one at the back it's the little white
08:30one at the front I think it's wonderful that he's just sent one battleship because even when you play
08:41the game battleships you have more than that I just love the idea of D4 hit right that's done then
08:52before we move on a big shout out to people in Cyprus because I was in Cyprus last week because
08:55I
08:55got there faster than HMS dragon I'll be there and come back like whenever did a show over there
09:01but a big shout out to the woman who posted on Twitter the day after is there going well thanks
09:05to Dara Breen who actually came unlike fake Billy Ocean so I don't know who fake Billy Ocean is but
09:11oh no
09:13you you are not welcome back in Cyprus because you you chickened out of going to Cyprus and fake
09:17Billy Ocean is somewhere in London going sounded really dangerous you know and when the going gets tough
09:23and fake Billy Ocean does not go to Cyprus so you were there yes so you're our first line of
09:29defence I was yes briefly I was briefly I was in an advanced position in the current so it's like
09:36Starmer basically said we're not sending you a warship we will send you Dara O'Brien
09:41take your mind off it moving on what's going on here this is my pornography it's a fully dressed
09:49man being kind to animals the two ugly alpacas in the background look like they're bitching about
09:56the fit one at the front I think you'll find that's why alpaca is being radicalized by someone
10:08he's disappointed he's like on hinge it said feisty redhead they're actually becoming
10:14increasingly rare in the UK Lib Dems what is a Lib Dem race do they face the same prejudice as
10:26bisexuals this is that Davey being no more Mr. Nice Guy he's saying vote Lib Dem or I will slash
10:31this animal's throat and see how much that energize the crowd this is tough guy they want to see from
10:45Ed Davey these days that thing's neck can we go back to talk about the Iran war to lighten the
10:52fucking move many viewers are upset but any of the content in tonight's show there will be a
10:59number at the bottom Mike is not that backers and then they came on the television talking about
11:04alpacas dying why did he do that why did you talk about it backers dying because sometimes they have
11:09to die they're a menace they're just for more votes yeah why was he criticized this week by the way
11:17why
11:17was there David criticized he's touching up an alpaca has been told to ditch the clown act he has
11:24yeah absolutely yeah yeah I mean it's a bit annoying I've booked him for my daughter's birthday
11:35at the end just holding up a severed head of an alpaca crying and going this is the new reality
11:42we said to ditch the clown act but that's his whole thing isn't it yeah that's it without that he's
11:48got
11:48no personality he's got the you know spirit of a mortgage advisor trapped trapped in the body of a
11:53sex tourist yeah I think it's really out of order he's just a happy guy honestly this is enjoy this
12:06this not photoshopped not fake not AI slop genuine shot of political leader and everything about it
12:13is perfect he's living the exact life of everyone in an advert for incontinence patch everything he does
12:20he's like I can still do it all thanks to tenner I can go bungee jumping paddle boarding and all
12:26wearing white trousers and then you comes in with the oh look at that what a lucky guess yes oh
12:34no
12:34all of the photographs of this every photograph you have about David is this like the go and pick
12:38up another one there we go all of them come with loads of tiny text about how do not take
12:46if you're
12:46also taking this do it again counter-indications conclude heart attack disease it must be annoying
12:52to be a lib dem donor being like are you spending the money on campaign literature and focus groups
12:57oh no he's put springs on his ass and gone to thought park again where's ed as he zonks behind
13:03people where's ed gone and he's in a giant inflatable ball he's rollerblading through legoland every day
13:08in some ways refreshing rather than seeing somebody on a sex island yeah you're seeing somebody at
13:15chesington oh he makes me genuinely feel so happy i like him and i like the fact that yeah you're
13:21right
13:21epstein would never have replied to an email from him like he wouldn't have come to the island of grown
13:33-up fun
13:33no you don't want to massage you want to go go-karting at the end of that round the points
13:43go to ed
13:43here and sarah join us after the break for more mock the week
13:57now we play a game called you think that's bad in a world where everything seems to be going wrong
14:02this is a chance for a performance to compete to outdo each other with tales of woe from their
14:06lives and i decide whose is the worst anyone care to start us off i wear the same pants as
14:13peter
14:14mandelson
14:17one small clarification right it's an arresting image uh you do need the same brand of pants
14:22it's not like you don't alternate james i'm intrigued by the fact that you've looked at the photos from the
14:27epstein file and recognized the brand of pants and felt well i don't say i'm wearing them now
14:32but when i was sort of a teenager i wore roughly the same sorts of pants i had a slight
14:37pant disaster
14:37at one point as a teenager and i had all my pants stolen and i had to go and buy
14:43more pants this is
14:44the day before i went back to school and i ended up with like 11 pairs of white pants and
14:48one pair of
14:49yellow pants that my mum thought were normal but on the front they had a logo that said beware the
14:54beast
14:57why did you have all your pants stolen i don't mean to sound like i'm victim blaming
15:01i don't know this guy but it works out it now that you're famous
15:04but what you're in school
15:07no no no except my dad was a vicar right so we lived in a
15:10no that's enough
15:15i was very common
15:17you think that's bad
15:18i don't have one nearly as bad as any of that no we think that's weird well i years ago
15:29i used
15:29to have the weirdest fetish ever i used to steal a vicar's son's pants and i thought i got away
15:36with
15:36it too if you think that's bad if your wife suggests you should introduce some toys into the bedroom
15:42she didn't mean hungry hippos and they don't like to be called that it's alan and graham from next door
15:53i asked them to come around in huge pants as well
15:57if you think that's bad i just bought an apartment in dubai
16:05if you think that's bad my um clouds got hacked and my nudes were so unsexy they got
16:10a croc to get me dressed if you think that's bad i just bought non-refundable tickets to take
16:16timothy chalamet to the ballet if he won an oscar if you think that's bad my children are so addicted
16:23to screens at the moment the only way i can get them out for a walk is to lure them
16:27out the house
16:27with the router
16:33we can only yeah we can only walk to a 50 meter radius extension extension of some sort
16:40if you think that's bad i've had so many kids now the hospital named some stirrups in my honor
16:45do you think that's bad i had to tell my wife that our skybox is broken and i was unable
16:52to record
16:52last week's episode in order to stop her from watching the derogatory comments you lot made
16:58about what was going on between me and a french exchange student
17:13the next round is called running out of heating oil
17:20this game involves sarah and scott if you could make your way to the performance area please this
17:25rounds the stand-up challenge i launched a wheel of news and wherever it chooses to stop one of our
17:29performance and step forward and talk about that subject the winner is whoever i think is the
17:33funniest okay here we go let's have our first topic please and the first topic is ambition who
17:39was with us sir uh so i've been thinking a lot recently about paula radcliffe because it's uh 20
17:47years ago this year um paula radcliffe of course uh incredible athlete exceptional woman 20 years ago she
17:54was running the london marathon and she um yeah you remember now she uh she she needed the toilet and
18:01she didn't want to lose the time that it would take to go and do it uh sort of privately
18:04you know
18:05they're they're filming it it's live television and so she she crouched down at the side of the road
18:10and she did it poo and this is the important bit she then got up and she won the london
18:18marathon
18:19i know and i'm obsessed with it i'm obsessed with it because there is nothing i want that much
18:26in terms of like your lives like your hopes and dreams like your ambitions the things you'd like
18:31to achieve is there anything where you think yeah i would do a outside in front of everyone
18:36in order to get it because i can't think of anything
18:38i can't think of anything you know like postcode lottery no driving license no i test myself with
18:44scenarios so i said like imagine the other day it's like what if the academy call me and they're like
18:48sarah this year at the oscars we will give you the best actor oscar you're not in anything it's the
18:56male category but we will read out your name all you have to do in the aisle as you're walking
19:02up to
19:02collect it and i would say no no thank you not under those circumstances and then i imagine that
19:09they're calling me back you know they're trying to persuade me they're like oh sarah no you
19:12wouldn't have to crouch down and do it in an embarrassing way you know you could just do it
19:16like a horse yeah so let's not even slow down just sort of have it drop out of your dress
19:24on the way up there and i'll still say no no thank you i don't know if my lack of
19:30ambition is holding
19:30back my career my husband wants very different things to me uh my husband he would like a threesome
19:38that's his ambition yeah he was like the other day he's like oh he's australian uh oh
19:47you know i want to be sexy if we could get some other people involved in the bedroom
19:51and i'm like no no no i could do all of it i'll just move my arms and legs quicker
19:56you know just
19:57whizz around the bed a bit you know i can put on a funny voice you won't know in the
20:01dark you know
20:01touch my tits thank you very much sarah that leaves us with scott let's see where your topic
20:12is let's spin the wheel okay the topic is aging okay i uh i'm 46 now um you're right not
20:22to applaud
20:24uh and i've reached the point now i'm going to the gym just to maintain where i am which is
20:30truly tragic i've got a i've got a personal trainer he says you're looking to get shredded
20:35you're looking to get ripped i was like no jace i'm looking to get dressed that would mean
20:40i just like to put my socks on without involving my children first
20:45i don't know what's happened to me i'm trying i'm clinging on i went to a post-punk gig recently
20:50and i got in the mosh pit which was an error because it was just everyone my own age at
20:55one
20:55point we all had our hands in the air like an act of defiance but what ruined it was a
21:00sea of apple
21:01watches warning us we're in a loud environment you're gonna smash the system but you keep it below 85
21:09decibels you're not meant to be there because that's the thing that leaves you behind my nephew's 19 he's
21:15had them holes put in his earlobes right when was that agreed it makes his face look like a camping
21:23ground
21:23sheet i don't know whether to talk to him or peg him down i mean it's like a piece of
21:35tarpaulin with
21:36opinions do you know what that's really good for it's measuring the perfect portion of spaghetti
21:45what's that going to look like when he's older i suppose he gives somewhere for a nurse to hang
21:49a drip doesn't it maybe that's the idea but i i look at my dad my dad's in his 70s
21:55he's embracing
21:56it right he stopped caring i was there the other week he was polishing his car with a pair of
22:01old
22:01underpants he said to me it's better than any cloth i said yeah but take them off
22:08i can't watch you grinding up the side of an octavia like a geriatric beyonce it's horrific
22:16doing a slow drop in the alloys mate like victoria beckham at a wedding i can't have this
22:27but i am trying i want to leave a legacy for my children i'm trying to look after myself and
22:31then
22:31something happened the other week and i thought what's the point because i was at a gig another
22:34act came up to me and said scott you look fantastic have you have you been training have you been
22:38dieting i'd have the neurovirus i've been shitting myself inside out for a month i thought i was gonna
22:46die and he looked at me and went whatever you're doing keep doing it that's the best you've ever
22:53looked your cheekbones have come back i've given up on the gym i'm licking handrails outside of walking
22:59i'm not eating in one star rated restaurants i've just ordered a tapeworm on the dark we're back
23:07basically i'm gonna ship myself into skinny jeans thank you well done point here and go to scott
23:14bernard sit down join us after the break for more mock the week
23:27the next round is called if this is the answer what is the question on the border six categories scott
23:33which category would you like uh politics please okay your topic is politics the answer is around
23:38500 000 pounds what is the question how much would i pay to have an uninterrupted poo in my own
23:44house
23:46is it how much will i win if prince andrew becomes a new host of strictly
23:53is it how much do i owe the student loans company for my degree in financial planning
24:00is it what would christmas have cost me if i've got my kids everything they asked for
24:05is it of the 10 billion donald trump is suing them for how much would bankrupt the bbc
24:12is it what's the going rate to jog a politician's memory
24:18is it how much would a million pound house be worth if peter mandelson moved in next door
24:25is it how much do vets now charge to drain a dog's anal glands
24:31it's a lot it's a lot that is a lot if only we could run our houses on the juice
24:34that comes out
24:37i'll do it for free isn't the word juice it was the word juice
24:40is it how much was the restaurant find at the end of ratatouille
24:47is it how much of my half million pound investment did i lose when i invested in hawk twa coin
24:56is it how much did my dad think leaving a light on in one room would cost per
25:00is it how much damage was done when they left my nan in charge of the thermostat at madame tussauds
25:08is it four people four nights summer holidays at center parks
25:13is it how much is a flight from abu dhabi to heathrow
25:18is it how much was bonnie blue's last dry cleaning bill
25:23is it how much could you make annually from my new cryptocurrency huge coin
25:31is it how much did i make selling a vicar's son's pants on ebay
25:36is it if a busker borrowed your hat dara how much could he bit in it
25:47massive head
25:51if you go to a money exchange in an airport and exchange one million british pounds for british
25:57pounds how much do you get okay they have the correct answer please how much does it cost to
26:02keep my daughter in a various school clubs per month dreams that are going nowhere
26:13how much has sarah pasco turned down to poo in public
26:19is it actually is it is it how much uh did peter mandelson ask for as a severance
26:24pay absolutely right thank you very much ed thank you
26:30yes the question i was looking for is what did peter mandlin request a severance payment after he
26:35was sacked as uk ambassador to the united states this is the news that information about the
26:38negotiations was included in the release of a 147 page collection of documents on
26:43manderson's appointment and subsequent removal following the emergence of more details about
26:46his friendship with jeffrey epstein peter mantle has continually denied any wrongdoing
26:51could we have written a more fucking word you ever
26:54fucking hell
26:58so what was the outcome of all this the outcome was he asked for a half a million and they
27:03gave him
27:03about 70 grand which just shows us the shit hot negotiator we lost
27:09that's what you got to do man i asked for 500 grand to do this show from tlc
27:13sure i didn't get it but i got 10 pounds an episode and an appointment with dr pimple popper
27:19you said the reason he asked for 500 000 pounds was because what he said was the actions of his
27:25majesty's government have permanently damaged his employability oh he's 72 what is he going to miss
27:33on an internship now because this i think we don't want to see like what he got we should be
27:39able to
27:39see how he asked for it you know i want to see dragons i'm asking for 500 to never work
27:47again yeah due to
27:48my links to an international super nonce alleged super not yeah no i think we know that i just want
27:56to know that he's not going to see us from beyond the grave it's a bold move i almost respect
28:04him
28:04like would i let him take my daughter on holiday no but he could get a john lewis refund
28:10he's going to make his real money in podcasts though isn't he oh yeah it's so obvious that no
28:15one's going to get any consequences and he's going to start a podcast with andrew called the rest is
28:24redacted it's like me i complained about a pizza at domino's and i was on the phone sort of back
28:28and forth for about 20 minutes and then in the end they said you want some dough balls and i
28:33just went
28:34deal and that was i knew when i've won you know yeah yeah you've got pizza express dough balls from
28:40domino's
28:40that is power well did you want to just pretend you'd been a pizza express because it might be
28:46useful as an alibi later it's where people go where people go uh this picture came out you know during
28:55all this the the honestly the yeah that's it there you go but this looks like the eye view of
29:00the
29:00terrified child who's come to collect their ball they've kicked over the fence
29:05that's quite gratifying but please like these this rich powerful cabal of men who were like
29:10secretly basically running the world the elite and they have the same chair and table you can buy from
29:17p and q for 500 quid that's what they're saying it's a display model we'll never sell it now get
29:23off it
29:25finally an image more disturbing than when i caught my mom doing reverse cowgirl
29:35is andrew vaping he looks like he's vaping is he he'll do anything to impress a team
29:40did you say vaping you said vaping yeah yeah i did say vaping he's allegedly vaping allegedly he is a
29:48vapist
29:58no no no no there's a lawyer with a pen going
30:10at the end of that round the points are going to scott reese and catherine
30:17the next round is called audience question time we throw ourselves open to the studio audience and
30:21invite them to ask us questions on any topic first up is there a nikki here by the way hey
30:26nikki how
30:26are you i'm good how are you i'm very well thanks for asking uh and what question do you have
30:30for
30:30everyone here what do you think is really overrated qi it's just facts being explained slowly i mean
30:39people can't even remember them what's the point any podcast that won't have me as a guest
30:47instantly becomes overrated in my mind surely there's no one that wouldn't have you as loads
30:51yeah off men you can go fuck itself
30:57video doorbells people say they're amazing because you can check in on them wherever you are so you can
31:01be on a beach you know watching someone burgle your house and all you can do is try and persuade
31:08them
31:08to stop you know i'm just upstairs i'm just inconvenienced at the moment please don't take
31:15my son's pants again they're holding up the stuff they're robbing like that have you got the charger
31:21for this i've got a similar thing i think it's overrated i think camera phones are overrated i think
31:28looking at pictures of yourself actually makes you feel much worse about yourself much more critical
31:32i know that younger women look at women my age and older and think oh why are you walking around
31:37you know you look terrible why don't you care about it and the reason is that like when we were
31:43growing up we had our photographs taken once a year at school twice if someone brought an owl in
31:50for me most overrated thing is like productivity gurus and like cold shower people who like wim hoffit
31:57and do all that cold shower in the morning because they always say it's got all these benefits having
31:59a cold shout ice cold shout they're like really wakes you up in the morning i'm like yeah of course
32:02it does it's pouring ice cold water on yourself that's how they wake up hostages that's a cuckoo
32:08clock in guantanamo bay i'm a free man i can do it and then they'll be like oh it reduces
32:12stress
32:13it's like oh does it you know what i find stressful breathless goosebumps and a fully retracted penis
32:16okay you really hit your targets that's because i've been waterboarding yes thank you very much
32:23icky uh okay uh for the next question there's a will somewhere in the audience hey will how are you
32:29what uh question do you have for everyone uh what news would you most like to hear at the moment
32:33uh well i would love to hear that greenland and canada have launched a successful invasion of america
32:45um i um i really want sort of things for my friends so i'd like ed to get on off
32:50menu and reese to get
32:51on qi i'd love to hear that trump has been an elaborate hoax by derren brown
32:59and i'd love that to be revealed by new mock the week host reese james
33:05i would like my teenage daughter to bring down the cups and bowls she's got in her bedroom
33:09uh yeah because at the moment we're a one bowl family um we're just passing it back and forth
33:18and uh you know i'm sick of eating my weetabix out of a wok
33:24oh you said bones i thought you said bones
33:28there could be bones up there i'll be honest with you i wouldn't be surprised
33:32it's like an archaeological dig under her bed at the moment how old is she 15.
33:37oh yeah they're pure evil they're on tiktok so much they're like instruments of the chinese
33:43government at this point but they do bring them down is he has to leave them even near the dishwasher
33:49no they're inside the door of the kitchen magical fairies will take them from there to wherever
33:53you wait till you get a husband that's the dream sarah he's out there somewhere
34:01uh my god there's a radiator and there's just cups and bowls the entire way along the radio
34:06yeah maybe unchain her from it then
34:26the next round is called between the lines it features hugh and reese so would you make your
34:31way to the press pit please reese delivers a speech in the guise of a leading figure on the world
34:35stage
34:35while hugh translates what they really mean this week reese is ed milliband
34:41he's still knocking about is he
34:46hello remember me i am the political equivalent of tennis's jamie murray
34:58i know how effective wind is as an energy source i am full of hot air
35:05i am the choice of the party to replace keir starmer hard to believe i know
35:11we must learn to say no to donald trump especially when the question is would you like a bacon sandwich
35:20i am one of the few faces in the cabinet that people recognize they think i'm wallace
35:26chuck in cheese grommet good you said that i thought you meant greg wallace
35:34people mock my ideas as crazy i won't be laughing when i'm driving my cheese powered car to my house
35:39made of wool
35:43the tories of course okay
35:49the door is okay why is your internal monologue interrupting your external monologue
35:57you will you please let me continue my dream of pretending to be ed milliband
36:04i'm all about net zero that is my current approval rating
36:10sadly it is true that there are people in other countries who really hate us
36:14my brother still isn't speaking to me
36:18oil rig workers seem very keen for me to re-explore the north sea
36:22they kept trying to throw me out of their helicopter
36:25i want to reassure you the iran conflict will not affect your energy bills
36:29i want to
36:32but i can't we are doomed sell up burn your furniture live in a tent
36:43okay
36:51now we come to scenes we like to see so if everyone can make their way over to the performance
36:56area
36:56please i'll read of this week's topics and we'll see what our panelists can come up with okay here we
37:00go the first subject is unlikely things to hear on a property show
37:05well despite looking rundown dated and a bit sad with just a bit of tlc
37:10we can get him back in his chair pressing his little buzzer
37:18well now it's time for a lick of paint and a sniff of glue
37:26a real fixer-upper but the economy's bad and i decided to move in with him anyway
37:33it has some wonderful period features the kitchen even has its own cholera outbreak
37:41now look at those wonderful exposed beams now if the roof hadn't caved in you wouldn't have seen those
37:50well they're renovating another property they've bought for a pound
37:53but have they paid too much find out in amanda and ellen's chernobyl job
38:01with its sea views excellent transport links and beautiful luxury accommodation epstein island really is
38:13okay which one of the two is your least favorite right well don't send that one
38:17to private school and you can afford this flat
38:21you can afford to buy a house
38:21today we're going to be answering the most important question when buying a house
38:25why are estate agents such twats
38:30welcome to homes under the hammer this week it's eamon and the hammer is a sledgehammer
38:38well i've pebbled dashed the wall i'm sorry about that but i do feel a lot better
38:46and this property actually has its own blue plaque i don't know much about the guy but i like the
38:50name
38:50harold and seems he was some sort of sailor or ship man
38:56welcome to grand designs and here she is well gran what have you designed
39:0521 year old callum is doing a fantastic job on this barn conversion
39:09he's got the drawings done the builders are on standby and now it's the tricky part of the project
39:13waiting for his parents to die
39:18now this one is a bit out of your price range but we've got a handy trick to knock a
39:22few grand
39:23off the asking price we've spray painted the word nonce on the garage
39:29i think they're going to love this next house it's near a school it's everything they wanted and it's
39:35in the country one problem that country is tajikistan
39:43homes under the hammer a program aimed at entrepreneurs but watched mainly by the unemployed
39:48in their underpants sitting in rented accommodation
39:54john here is looking for a new premises for his thesaurus shop and it's all about location position
40:00whereabouts
40:04now the primary bedroom does have all sweet potential if you're willing to take a
40:09shit in the wastebasket
40:13right so apparently that was a retaining wall
40:21i know people don't like estate agents but we are trustworthy now in answer to your question
40:26no this flat does not have subsidence you're going to be out
40:30they've broken through the pelvic floor and breathe new life into this old fallopian tube
40:36that's all coming up this week on changing wombs
40:41the next topic is things you don't want a relative to say oh oh sorry sorry you have to be
40:47on the
40:47step you've got to be on the step you've got to be on the step you've got to be on
40:50the step you're
40:50not to blame ed i know i'm not to blame you're not to blame dating when i say the thing
40:55and then
40:55then we then you walk in all right all right i've never done the show before
41:00things you don't want a relative to say not not you ed no in real life dara's a cunt
41:19every third generation has a tiny penis your grandfather had one
41:28hand jobs aren't incest are they
41:34you look so much like your father which is lucky because he's just got a speeding fine
41:41can i ask some advice uh how long are you supposed to wait before you say i love you
41:45for the first time because it's been 34 years dad just say it
41:51we're so excited to meet your girlfriend uh your dad's been a subscriber for months
42:00this has been in our family for generations and now i'm passing it on to you son congratulations
42:06you're going to be bold before you're 30.
42:11the family that plays together stays together who's up for naked twister
42:18okay can i open another present what's it going to be oh it's rice i hate uncle ben
42:26oh yeah no we've done the dna so we are 30 anglo-saxon 25 scandinavian and 15 sheep
42:36while you are under my roof you will examine my stool samples
42:42well i'm sorry son but in this family we support tottenham hot spur
42:50i've got bad news about your father he's robert jenrich
42:59oh i used to change your nappies fill them with heroin and take you over the border
43:07i just wish mum and dad were here to see this but uh it couldn't be arsed
43:17your uncle david died doing what he loved your auntie janet
43:24yeah it was a really difficult birth i mean he's absolutely huge the full 30 pounds completely
43:28ripped me in shreds but uh we've thought of a name dara o'brien well done darling you're finally
43:39going to be on mock the week and it's not on the bbc the bad news is it's hereditary the
43:49good news is
43:50you're adopted i'll just clean the table before you sit down your grandfather messed it up when he
43:59was railing me on it earlier
44:04jord i hate you dad you're the worst dad in the world even worse than that dad from outnumbered
44:21and that's the end of the show this week's winners are ed byrne hugh dennis and sarah pasco
44:28commiserations to catherine ryan reese james and scott bennett
44:33thanks for watching i'm daryl green good night
44:41oh
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