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00:21Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:23I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:25In the news this week.
00:28Despite leadership shakeup,
00:30Kennedy Center still booking major acts.
00:39A quick look at Americans checking their 401ks.
00:47Don Jr.'s morning regimen revealed.
00:50Fentanyl, heroin, meth, and cocaine.
00:53On Amherstine Tonight, he's a comedian.
00:55He's been on Kimmel, NPR, and Comedy Central,
00:57and he's known for hilariously calling out racism
01:00wherever he sees it.
01:02Michael, maybe you should leave now.
01:04It's Hari Kondibode.
01:09And joining team Michael,
01:12he's an award-winning journalist
01:13who has won three Edward R. Murrow Awards
01:16and hosted NPR's All Things Considered
01:18until last year,
01:20when I assume he ran out of things to consider.
01:22It's Hari Shapiro.
01:26Now for the biggest stories of the week.
01:29Amber, Hari, watch the clips.
01:32Tell me, what is the story?
01:34Okay, this is our best friend.
01:36And that is a map.
01:38Straight up our moves.
01:39The doors are closed.
01:40So I'm just gonna say
01:42this story is about
01:44how everyone hates us and they're right.
01:46Yeah.
01:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:47I agree with that.
01:48Yes, the story is
01:49Donald Trump goes to war with the world
01:51and people abroad are not fans of it.
01:54But how's it going here at home?
01:56If you could say something to President Trump
01:57and he was gonna hear you right now,
01:59what would it be?
02:01You're a worthless pile of s***.
02:05And you voted for him how many times?
02:07Three times.
02:08That was my bad.
02:10Apparently, I'm an idiot.
02:15The most honest person in America.
02:17Three times.
02:19Now as the war continues,
02:20President Trump seems perpetually surprised
02:22that Iran is actually fighting back
02:25during a war.
02:27So now Trump,
02:29a man who seems to burn bridges
02:30while he's only halfway across the bridge,
02:34has finally realized,
02:36oh dear, I need help from other countries.
02:38How's that getting help from other countries going?
02:40Yeah, apparently when you do stuff
02:41without asking people,
02:42they don't want to help you afterwards.
02:44Here's Dan Abash
02:45with how some of our allies responded.
02:47Germany, this war has nothing to do with NATO.
02:49It's not NATO's war.
02:50UK, we will not be drawn into the wider war.
02:53Italy, Italy is not part of the conflict.
02:55Australia, we will not be sending a ship
02:57to the Strait of Hormuz.
02:58Japan, we are proceeding with consideration.
03:02We are considering his Japanese for fuck you.
03:06When Trump met with the Japanese prime minister,
03:09Sanai Takeshi,
03:10what happened in the meeting?
03:12He thought it would be a great idea
03:13to make a joke
03:14about bombing Pearl Harbor.
03:17Why didn't you tell U.S. allies
03:20in Europe and Asia like Japan
03:23about the war before attacking Iran?
03:25We didn't tell anybody about it
03:26because we wanted surprise.
03:29Who knows better about surprise than Japan?
03:32OK, why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?
03:35OK, right?
03:38To be fair, he got some laughs in the room.
03:40He got like two groans.
03:42I'll take it.
03:44Also love, he did the joke,
03:46it bombed, and then he goes,
03:47right?
03:50The ladies know what I'm talking about, right?
03:52He made the attack
03:54without telling the other countries
03:55because normally in war, you go,
03:56hey, I'm going to go over there
03:57and punch them in the face,
03:58make sure you got my back.
03:59But Trump instead punched people in the face
04:02and then came back and go,
04:03hey, I just punched them in the face.
04:05Would you mind helping me fight you?
04:08Here he is hedging his bets.
04:10We have the strongest military
04:11by far in the world.
04:12We don't need them.
04:14But it's interesting.
04:16I'm almost doing it in some cases
04:17not because we need them,
04:18but because I want to find out
04:19how they react.
04:20Oh, he's going through the stages of grief.
04:22That's denying.
04:25According to Trump,
04:26it'll be, quote,
04:27very bad for the future of NATO
04:29if they don't help us.
04:31He's going to bomb NATO.
04:34He's going to bomb the hell out of NATO.
04:35Britain's former chief of the defense staff
04:37doesn't want NATO to get pulled into this war.
04:40NATO was created as a
04:41underlined four times defensive alliance.
04:44It was not an alliance that was designed
04:46for one of the allies
04:47to go on a war of choice
04:48and then oblige everybody else to follow.
04:51Is that red thing his heart rate?
04:55So now Trump's in a bit of a pickle.
04:57He started a war that no one wants to help in
04:59and there's no clear way out of that war.
05:01But Trump is a scrappy guy
05:02who's always overcome adversity
05:04and he's overcome adversity all by himself.
05:07He doesn't need people.
05:08Is Donald Trump a self-made man?
05:14The truth of the matter is that
05:15Donald Trump sees himself as self-made.
05:18In 2015, he was asked this question
05:21at an election town hall.
05:22With the exception of your family,
05:24have you ever been told no?
05:26It has not been easy for me.
05:27And, you know, I started off in Brooklyn.
05:29My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.
05:33The only thing he made himself was that color.
05:38That's great.
05:41From the very moment Donald Trump
05:43has started in business,
05:44there has always been somebody there
05:46to bail him out when he failed
05:49and he has failed a lot.
05:51In fact, Wikipedia has a whole category
05:54called businesses of Donald Trump
05:57that went bankrupt.
05:58And it has 24 separate pages.
06:03Question to the panel.
06:04What is your favorite failed Donald Trump business?
06:08I like the Trump Taj Mahal going down.
06:10That was always a big one.
06:11The casino, the Atlantic City.
06:12Yeah, because on behalf of India, fuck you.
06:17Well, of all the failed Trump businesses,
06:19there was this one.
06:21The Sharper Image is one of my favorite stores
06:24with fantastic products of all kinds.
06:27That's why I'm thrilled they agree with me.
06:30Trump's stakes are the world's greatest stakes,
06:32and I mean that in every sense of the word.
06:35How many senses of the word are there?
06:39The big question is,
06:40why are you buying a stake at an electronics store?
06:44According to the former CEO of Sharper Image,
06:48quote,
06:48we literally sold almost no stakes.
06:52In every sense of the word.
06:55So the man who failed at casinos,
06:57failed at hotels,
06:58failed at stakes,
06:58has gotten us into a war
07:00that he promised he would never start,
07:02and now he's resorting to what he always does
07:04when things aren't going his way.
07:06He blames other people.
07:07Does anyone know which one of our allies
07:10Trump threw under the bus on Wednesday night?
07:13He posted this long-truth social rant
07:15about Israel bombing an oil and gas field
07:19that was jointly owned by Qatar and Iran,
07:21and Qatar is a U.S. ally,
07:23and he said Israel will never do that again,
07:25and Qatar,
07:26we're not going to bomb any more oil and gas fields,
07:28and tsk, tsk.
07:29It's shame on you.
07:30That is correct.
07:31Points to you, Ari.
07:32It was Israel.
07:33Wednesday night on Truth Social,
07:36Trump posted, quote,
07:37Israel, out of anger for what has taken place
07:39in the Middle East,
07:40has violently lashed out
07:41at a major facility in Iran.
07:43The United States knew nothing
07:45about this particular attack.
07:48This particular...
07:49You know how bad it's got to be
07:50for Trump to distance himself from you?
07:52He's still kicking with Rudy Giuliani.
07:56So Trump is, uh, cornered.
07:58He's alienated his allies,
08:00angered his supporters,
08:01and even some of his own staff
08:03won't back him up.
08:03There's only one option.
08:05Here's the president on Wednesday.
08:07I wonder what would happen
08:08if we, quote,
08:09finished off what's left
08:10of the Iranian terror state
08:11and let the countries that use it,
08:13we don't,
08:14be responsible for the so-called strait.
08:16That would get some of our non-responsive allies
08:18in gear and fast,
08:19President DJT.
08:21He misspelled strait.
08:24Maybe it's like a Gulf of America
08:26type situation.
08:27Right, right, right.
08:28So from now on,
08:29that will be how it is spelled.
08:33Michael and Ari, watch the clip.
08:35Tell me, what is the story?
08:37Capitol Hill.
08:37Okay.
08:38Oh, that's that guy.
08:39Bruce Wayne.
08:40Mark Wayne Mullen.
08:40I'm going to go with Bruce Wayne.
08:41And then Cruella de Vil.
08:43Yes, of course.
08:45Cash Patel.
08:46Yeah.
08:46Tulsi Gabbard, Cash Patel,
08:48went to the Capitol,
08:49and like all meetings
08:51with Trump officials
08:53talking to congresspeople,
08:55it did not go well.
08:55The story is,
08:56while Trump's focus
08:57is on other countries,
08:59the Senate was focused
08:59on domestic matters
09:01this last week
09:02at the confirmation hearing
09:03for Trump's nominee
09:04to head up the Department
09:05of Homeland Security,
09:07Senator Mark Wayne Mullen.
09:09Looked like a business casual
09:10woodchuck right there.
09:13He says there's going to be
09:14three more weeks of winning.
09:14Tell you what,
09:15there's going to be
09:15three more weeks of winning.
09:16three more weeks of winning.
09:18Confirmation hearing
09:18is to hold a prospective
09:19appointee's feet to the fire.
09:21And there's nobody better
09:22to do the scrutinizing
09:24than Iowa Senator Joni Ernst.
09:26I am going to say
09:27to the president,
09:28I am really upset
09:29that he has made your nomination.
09:32Why?
09:33Because I will be losing
09:35from the Senate
09:35one of the best friends
09:37that I have here.
09:39Truly.
09:40Ooh!
09:43Siri, play End of the Road
09:45by Boyz II Men.
09:48One person really seemed to lead the charge
09:51against Senator Mullen in the hearing.
09:53Which Republican was it?
09:55Was it Rand Paul?
09:56The only senator who has his barber
09:58to make him look like the dude
09:59from The Bear.
10:00Look at that haircut.
10:01Senator Paul gave a hard no vote
10:04against Mullen,
10:05adding, quote,
10:05I think there are anger issues.
10:09You did many interviews
10:10in which you justified the violence
10:12as historically justified
10:13by precedents,
10:14such as caning and dueling.
10:16What I was simply pointing out
10:18is some of the rules
10:18that still apply to this body.
10:21For instance,
10:23dueling with two consenting adults
10:25is still there.
10:25Uh, I was pointing out
10:27what is still...
10:28It's been illegal
10:28for 170 years.
10:30There's no precedent
10:32for legal dueling.
10:34We should bring back dueling.
10:36But only between
10:37two consenting adults.
10:38I don't know.
10:39Well, question,
10:40does anyone know
10:40where Rand and Mark Wayne's
10:42conflicts began?
10:44When Rand Paul's neighbor
10:47beat the shit out of him
10:49and then Mark Wayne Mullen
10:50said to Rand Paul,
10:51you asshole,
10:52you probably deserved it.
10:53Point!
10:54Yes, indeed.
10:55Rand Paul's beef with Mark Wayne
10:57goes all the way back
10:58to 2017
10:59after Rand was assaulted
11:00by his neighbor
11:01in a property line dispute.
11:03After that,
11:04Mark Wayne repeatedly
11:04told a group of voters
11:05that he understood completely
11:07why his neighbor
11:08might want to attack
11:11Senator Paul.
11:12I don't know
11:12the details of this dispute
11:14with a neighbor,
11:14but I've lived in Washington
11:16and covered politics
11:17long enough to be able to say
11:18he is, let's just say,
11:19not one of the most
11:20beloved senators
11:21on Capitol Hill.
11:23Why?
11:23Well, I think you might
11:25want to ask his neighbor.
11:27There seems to be
11:28another element
11:29of Mark Wayne's past
11:31that is coming back
11:32to Harnham right now.
11:34What part of Mullen's
11:35backstory
11:36is still being brought
11:37into question?
11:38He was a stripper.
11:40What would be
11:41Mark Wayne Mullen's
11:42stripper name?
11:43Mark Wayne full-on?
11:46What?
11:49Mark Wayne
11:49instead of Mullen
11:50full-on,
11:51like a full-on...
11:52Like a boner?
11:53Like a boner, yeah.
11:54Oh.
11:55Okay.
11:55Earlier this month,
11:56Mark Wayne went on Fox News
11:57to defend our attacks on Iran,
11:59and he said this...
12:00War is ugly.
12:01It smells bad,
12:02and if anybody's ever
12:03been there
12:04and been able to smell
12:05the war
12:08that's happened around you
12:09and taste it
12:09and fill it
12:10in your nostrils
12:11and hear it,
12:12it's something
12:13that you'll never forget.
12:14Fact check, true.
12:16Okay.
12:17But can you taste it?
12:18Can you taste the war?
12:19I personally have never
12:19tasted it,
12:20but maybe he's been in wars
12:21that I haven't covered
12:22as a journalist,
12:22so I'm not gonna...
12:23I'm not gonna yuck his yum.
12:28After seeing Mark Wayne
12:30talk about the smell of war,
12:33New York rep
12:33and two-time Bronze Star recipient
12:36Pat Ryan shared the clip
12:38and asked,
12:38quote,
12:39Hey, Senator Mullen,
12:40what the actual fuck
12:41are you talking about?
12:42Did I miss the part
12:44of your bio
12:44where you served in combat
12:46or served in uniform at all?
12:48Call of Duty doesn't count.
12:52Bigger question.
12:53Did Rand Paul's strategy work?
12:55One of the most reliable rules
12:57of presidential nominations
12:58is if you want to get
12:59somebody confirmed,
13:00pick a senator
13:00because senators confirm their own.
13:02That's the rule.
13:03So if Senator Mark Wayne Mullen
13:05does not get confirmed
13:06as Secretary of Homeland Security
13:08because of a beef
13:09between Rand Paul
13:10and his neighbor,
13:11that is bonkers.
13:12You would need
13:13some kind of turncoat Democrat
13:14to vote for Mark Wayne Mullen
13:16for this thing to proceed
13:18and I don't think
13:18that's gonna happen.
13:22What?
13:23Mark Wayne Mullen
13:24is moving on
13:25to the fantasy suites
13:26aka the Republican Senate
13:28because the deciding vote
13:30to approve Mark Wayne Mullen
13:32came from a Democratic senator,
13:36Pennsylvania king
13:37of the drawstring,
13:39John Fetterman.
13:41Oh, no.
13:43Right.
13:44John Fetterman dressed like a daddy
13:46and got custody of his kids.
13:48He just wears sweatshirts, right?
13:50It's just a range of sweatshirts.
13:51It wasn't just Mark Wayne Mullen.
13:53Who else found themselves
13:54in the hot seat
13:55before the Senate this week?
13:57There was Tulsi
13:57and there was cash.
13:59Yes.
13:59It was Tulsi Gabbard
14:00aka the National Intelligence Director
14:02and she's like
14:03one of the mommas
14:04at a rough parent-teacher conference.
14:06Your child is a piece of shit.
14:10Now, question to the panel.
14:12Why might Tulsi be so evasive
14:14in her answers
14:16about the U.S. strikes on Iran?
14:18Because the president
14:19keeps making claims
14:22about why we went to war with Iran
14:24and everything that he's saying
14:27is contradicted by the report
14:29that our Director of National Intelligence
14:31submitted to the Congress
14:33and to the president.
14:35Here's what Tulsi Gabbard
14:36campaigned on back in 2020.
14:38He's on the brink of launching
14:39a very stupid
14:40and costly war with Iran.
14:42We have to stop President Trump
14:44from starting a war with Iran
14:45and risk direct U.S. conflict
14:47with Russia.
14:48Conflict that could easily
14:49lead to nuclear war.
14:51The U.S. must not go to war
14:53with Iran.
14:54And by not go to war
14:56she meant we should go to war.
14:58Go to war with Iran, yeah.
15:00That was 2020, Roy.
15:02Yeah.
15:02Things are different now.
15:04Tulsi's testimony was part
15:05of a hearing on global threats
15:06where we also heard
15:07from FBI Director Cash Patel
15:10looking like he's trying
15:10to get the waiter's attention
15:12but the waiter is ignoring him
15:13on purpose.
15:15On Thursday,
15:16the House Select Intelligence Committee
15:18had questions for Cash
15:19over his firing
15:20of some FBI agents.
15:23Question,
15:23why were the firing
15:24of those FBI agents
15:26so concerning?
15:27Because they would have
15:28come in handy.
15:29We're at war with Iran
15:30and they could have helped.
15:31Points!
15:32I did it!
15:36Cash fired the agents
15:37in charge of monitoring
15:38threats from Iran.
15:40These last two stories
15:42have been rough, man.
15:43Tulsi Gabbard's a Hindu,
15:44this guy's an Indian.
15:45It's like,
15:46what did I do?
15:48Did you always know
15:49his first name,
15:50full name was Cashyap?
15:51Yeah.
15:52It's like when you find out
15:53like your homeboy's name
15:54is T-Bone
15:55but his real name
15:55is like Douglas.
15:56You're like, really?
15:58Do you think
15:59his dad wanted
16:01to name him
16:01Money Talks?
16:05But instead
16:06they went with Cashyap?
16:12The big question
16:13people have
16:13for Cash Patel
16:14this week is,
16:15what are those?
16:18Oh.
16:19All week,
16:20people have been roasting
16:21the custom,
16:21one-of-a-kind
16:22Nike Dunk Lows
16:23that director Patel
16:24debuted at a seminar.
16:25Let's take a closer
16:26look at these sneakers.
16:27I don't know
16:27if there are any
16:28hypebeasts out there
16:29watching,
16:29but these are custom.
16:31The number nine
16:32is specific
16:33because Cash is
16:34the ninth FBI director.
16:36And if you look
16:36on the tongue,
16:37it has this personal
16:38K-dollar sign,
16:40H logo.
16:41The right shoe
16:42on the back there.
16:43No.
16:44That's the FBI model.
16:46And then the left shoe
16:47has the Punisher skull
16:48because he's just
16:49a giant fucking dork.
16:51Like, why?
16:51I just have to say,
16:53I don't like Cash Patel.
16:55I don't like what he does.
16:56But I like that he's
16:57having fun.
17:00Like, I'm gonna get
17:01sneakers with my name
17:02on them.
17:03He's showing up
17:04to hockey games.
17:05He's popping champagne.
17:07He's getting silly shoes made.
17:09It's a good time.
17:10This is what you would do
17:11if you were FBI director.
17:13A hundred percent.
17:14Never vote for me.
17:16Never.
17:24Welcome back.
17:25It's time for
17:26the Offender Meter.
17:27Teams have to tell us
17:28who's the offender,
17:29what they did,
17:30and who they offended.
17:31Put an offender
17:32on the screen, please.
17:33Who's that offender, team?
17:35Is that John Oliver?
17:38After, like,
17:39eight whoppers, maybe.
17:41See, I'm a radio guy.
17:42I recognize people's voices.
17:43No idea what anyone else's play.
17:44Well, this guy
17:45sounds like this.
17:46Oh, right.
17:47That is Massachusetts
17:49federal judge
17:50Brian Murphy.
17:52Who do you all
17:53suspect that
17:53Judge Brian Murphy
17:55offended?
17:56Did he talk shit
17:56about Ben Affleck?
17:57Oh!
17:58Brian Murphy
17:59offended HHS director
18:01RFK Jr.
18:02Seen here telling children
18:04that Sprite causes lupus.
18:08How did Judge Murphy
18:09offend RFK Jr.?
18:11Did he strike down
18:12a vaccine policy,
18:13saying it was not
18:14founded in science?
18:15Point!
18:18On Monday,
18:19Judge Murphy
18:19blocked RFK
18:20from policy changes
18:21that were recommended
18:22by his hand-picked
18:23advisory committee
18:24or as Greg Kelly
18:25put it...
18:25Okay, so, um,
18:27we'll have to give kids
18:2872 vaccines
18:30all over again?
18:31Is that what's
18:32going on here?
18:33What was that music?
18:37That was Indiana Jones
18:38running from the boulder music.
18:40The vaccines are coming.
18:42You've got to run.
18:46The judge said
18:47that RFK
18:47and his advisory committee
18:48on immunization practices
18:49had made, quote,
18:52arbitrary and capricious
18:54changes to the
18:55childhood vaccine schedule.
18:57And as part of his decision,
18:58Judge Murphy brought up
18:59one very specific case
19:02involving which
19:03musical fan base?
19:06Is it the K-pop people?
19:07Oh, this is domestic, baby.
19:09Is it, um, insane clown posse?
19:14Juggalos!
19:14Boys!
19:19Are you for real?
19:20I'm just throwing up shit from half court.
19:23In one part of the ruling, Murphy cited Parsons v. United States Department of Justice,
19:28which was a case where the Juggalos tried to fight their designation as a gang.
19:33At this point, I'd rather have the insane clown posse in charge of HHS and RFK Jr.,
19:39but at least we now know they have an interest in science.
19:43Water, fire, air and dirt.
19:45Fucking magnets.
19:46How do they work?
19:48You're asking all the real questions.
19:50Fucking magnets.
19:51They don't want to tell you about the magnets.
19:54It just works.
19:54You're not allowed to ask those questions.
19:56We ain't allowed.
19:57Why is it weird that RFK Jr. made a bunch of changes to the vaccine schedule?
20:02When he was being confirmed, they were like,
20:04are you going to change the vaccine schedule?
20:05He was like, nah, I'm good.
20:06And then he did it, just like Donald Trump said.
20:08I'm not going to go to war with Iran, and then he did it.
20:10During his confirmation hearings, Kennedy said he wouldn't change
20:12the existing vaccine recommendations.
20:15Senator, I support vaccines.
20:19I support the childhood schedule.
20:22I will do that.
20:23I mean, the worm might have eaten the part of his brain that remembers saying that.
20:27What if that was the worm talking?
20:31One committee member, Dr. Kirk Milhom, seen here asking what it's going to take
20:35to get you into a new Dodge Stratus.
20:40Dr. Milhom is a pediatric cardiologist who has suggested that all childhood vaccines,
20:46including shots against polio and measles, should be optional
20:49because the diseases no longer pose the dangers they once did.
20:54Oh, I wonder why they no longer pose that danger.
20:57Maybe because they were eradicated by vaccines.
21:00Kennedy and his team have been wreaking havoc on vaccines in this country since taking over,
21:05reducing the number of recommended routine immunizations children receive from 17 to 11.
21:12Which diseases does the CDC no longer recommend vaccines for?
21:18Is it gonorrhea?
21:19Yeah.
21:19Cooties?
21:20Mumps, measles.
21:22Rickets.
21:22Some of the illnesses that the CDC no longer recommends children get regularly vaccinated for
21:27are hepatitis A, hepatitis B, rotavirus, influenza, and COVID.
21:33Yes, those diseases build character.
21:36You got to catch them.
21:38A new Axios poll says that 70% of Americans have little or no trust in health information
21:46from Kennedy.
21:48I just think it's hard to take medical advice from a guy that sounds like that.
21:52Like, he sounds like he's dying.
21:54He does die.
21:55He sounds like he's actively dying.
21:59Does anyone know what other battle RFK Jr. was fighting right before Judge Murphy handed
22:04down this week's decision?
22:06Was he wrestling a shark?
22:07He very well could have been wrestling a shark.
22:10Here's a video the secretary posted last weekend.
22:13And here we go.
22:14The crowd is on their feet.
22:16What an entrance.
22:17Hustle takes on the snack.
22:19What power.
22:20A huge suplex.
22:22What a slam.
22:23This is incredible.
22:24That's got to be AI.
22:26I'm okay with him fighting Twinkies.
22:29Twinkies don't mold.
22:32That's not normal.
22:33Some of my best friends are Twinkies.
22:37Let's see your offender.
22:40Oh, these guys.
22:41Oh, yeah.
22:42They're the children of the corn.
22:45Is the corn Elon Musk?
22:48Yes.
22:48Yes, these two are Justin Fox and Nate Kavanaugh.
22:52Who did they offend?
22:55They offended you and I, my darling.
22:57Keep going, why?
22:58They dismantled DEI and they were talking about what qualifies as DEI.
23:07And their answers were basically anything that has anything to do with anyone who is not white.
23:15Any fucking thing.
23:17It was a bit of a master class.
23:21Sorry, master race class.
23:24Points.
23:26Yes, Justin and Nate offended former government employees by working for Doge and getting a lot of people fired.
23:33Now, Doge is back in the news, uh, thanks to this.
23:37Former employees of Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency in the hot seat tonight.
23:41Deposition videos from January tied to a civil lawsuit going viral online.
23:46Former Doge staffer Nathan Kavanaugh there.
23:49Look like he just got his first couple pubic hairs.
23:53It's always a special day.
23:55You remember that first two, three pubic hairs?
23:57Still waiting.
24:00This is the guy who weighed in on how the government was spending his money.
24:04He was a staffer at Doge.
24:06Uh, how did Nathan decide what was and wasn't DEI?
24:10He played roulette in whatever came up black.
24:13Nathan said he made personal judgment calls on what was and wasn't DEI.
24:18And lawyers then asked him if that even made sense.
24:22Do you think it's inappropriate in any way that someone in their 20s with no experience with grants for federal
24:30government
24:30was making personal judgment calls about what grants to counsel?
24:34Jackson.
24:35Um, no, I don't think it's inappropriate.
24:37Okay.
24:39Why not?
24:40Um, I think...
24:43A person can have enough judgment from reading books.
24:47What books would you have read that would have informed your opinion on what grants to counsel based on DEI?
24:51There were no books.
24:57But I know what DEI is.
24:59I am aware.
25:00I understand how to detect DEI.
25:02I watched two episodes of Martin and two episodes of Frasier.
25:06Frasier.
25:06White Frasier.
25:08That's like the whitest...
25:09You gotta have a control.
25:13You watch Frasier to understand the whiteness.
25:15And then you move over to Martin.
25:17Uh, it turns out, though, they weren't using books to inform their cuts over at Doge.
25:22What did they base their cuts on?
25:25I feel like they used ChatGPT.
25:28Wait!
25:29Oh, no.
25:30Survey says...
25:32Fox said he used ChatGPT to help identify and eliminate DEI programs.
25:38I don't like the word eliminate there.
25:39This meant, for example, that Doge canceled a grant for a museum's new HVAC system
25:44because ChatGPT mistakenly flagged it as DEI.
25:48E-I.
25:49Panel, do you think Kavanaugh regrets that people lost their jobs because of him?
25:55No.
25:56I think he regrets not having a top or bottom lip.
26:02No.
26:03He does not regret it.
26:04Check it out.
26:05You don't regret that people might have lost important income to...
26:10To support their lives?
26:12No.
26:12I think it was more important to reduce the federal deficit from $2 trillion to close to zero.
26:17Did you reduce the federal deficit?
26:20No, we didn't.
26:21Where's Rand Paul's neighbor when you need him?
26:25But despite not accomplishing anything, Nathan still has fans.
26:29Question.
26:30Who's still a fan of old Nate Dog out there in the world?
26:33Uh, Jake Paul.
26:35Power Boys.
26:36Kid Rock.
26:37Nick Fuentes.
26:39Frazier from Frazier.
26:41Don't put this on Kelsey Grammar.
26:43Don't you do that to Kelsey Grammar.
26:45Boy, you better Google Kelsey Grammar.
26:49Google it.
26:50No.
26:50Yes.
26:51Yeah.
26:51He's...
26:52The dog is, too.
26:53That's the crazy one.
26:55Uh, it is Elon Musk who's still a fan of Nate Kavanaugh.
26:59Elon posted a clip of Nathan and said it was, quote, legendarily based.
27:05First off, don't talk like that, Elon.
27:08Elon Musk makes me wish Mandela was meaner to the whites when he got out of prison.
27:13He was all like, truth and reconciliation.
27:16Truth and reconciliation.
27:18This is what happened.
27:20That was a friend of me, though.
27:34Welcome back.
27:35It is time for Missing Words.
27:39Here's your headline.
27:41This innovative Chinese robot can make you a blank.
27:45A star.
27:48Can make you a delicious breakfast, but then 10 minutes later, you're hungry.
27:54I'll give you that.
27:55I'll give you that.
27:55It rhymes with star, Amber.
27:57I'll give you that.
27:57It can make you a car.
27:59It can make you go far.
28:01It can open your jar.
28:03This innovative Chinese robot can make you a centaur.
28:07I'm sorry, what?
28:08Yes, a centaur.
28:10Don't act like y'all don't know about the horse.
28:11Change the bottom of my body to a horse body?
28:14The centaur.
28:15You know, you got the horse.
28:16You got the horse booty.
28:17You got the four legs.
28:18That's what I'm saying.
28:19Yeah.
28:20I'm me.
28:21The bottom is pony.
28:22Okay.
28:23Yeah.
28:23I thought you just meant the two-leg centaur.
28:25Oh, no, no, no, no.
28:27That would be ridiculous.
28:32In a new paper published by the International Journal of Robotics Research, a team of Chinese
28:37engineers say that their proposed human centaur system helps with weight distribution for
28:42people who have to carry heavy things.
28:44And let's just see it in action first.
28:52Do you need to get, like, a special centaur lock for when you park it outside, you know,
28:59and you don't want your centaur to get stolen?
29:01Yeah.
29:02First off, you're not going to take your centaur and lock it up outside.
29:06You're going to take that centaur inside because this thing takes the stairs.
29:12Oh!
29:18That's going to get you killed.
29:22Does anyone know why a San Jose robot made headlines this week?
29:26I think one of those Waymo delivery cubes ran over a duck.
29:34Okay.
29:35The robot in San Jose made headlines because he wouldn't stop dancing while he trashed a restaurant.
29:42Oh.
29:43The staff tried their best to get the employee under control.
29:58The last time I did that, I kept saying, I'm good.
30:01I'm good.
30:03Here's your headline.
30:04Judge dismisses lawsuit from diner who claimed blank.
30:08Who claimed that that hair was yours.
30:14Judge dismisses lawsuit from diner who claimed taco shop salsa was too spicy.
30:19Oh.
30:21Ah, yes.
30:22Not everybody's built to live mass.
30:26Is there any indication if the person who did the suing was white?
30:31Do I recall that that person was from, like, Switzerland or something like that?
30:34Germany.
30:35Yes.
30:35Yes.
30:36Yes.
30:36After trying the green salsa at Los Tacos No. 1, a Times Square taco spot in 2024, German
30:42tourists said he suffered, quote, severe physical symptoms.
30:48Here's the story.
30:49According to the complaint, Faisal Mons said his tongue burned and his blood pressure soared
30:54after eating the green salsa.
30:57The judge, though, dismissed the claim, saying Mons never inquired about the salsa before
31:02eating it.
31:03The restaurant argued, salsa is often spicy.
31:08We've been tourists in other countries and you be watching other people, how they do
31:12their shit, but okay, I'm a...
31:13It's Germany, it's not Mars.
31:16After the tourists told a reporter to try the dangerous salsa for himself, the reporter
31:22found, quote, the salsa was just... wasn't that spicy.
31:28Yes, probably a Latino reporter, Denise Havagnero.
31:33The salsa suit was one of three separate lawsuits the man filed against New York area businesses
31:40after his six-day visit.
31:43Mr. Mons also sued a New Jersey Walmart for discrimination.
31:47Who's the third group that he sued?
31:49Black people.
31:51No, this is an official organization that has a defined...
31:55NAACP.
31:58FDNY.
31:59He also sued the NYPD.
32:03Mr. Mons sued the NYPD for $10 million after he says he tried to report a crime and police
32:08failed to respond to his 911 call in a timely manner.
32:13Was the crime that the salsa was too spicy?
32:16I've never been pro-police brutality until this story.
32:22That's Missing Words.
32:23More after the break.
32:35Welcome back.
32:37It's time for Meet in the Middle, where we find common ground between two different people.
32:42All right.
32:43On one side, we have John Fetterman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mark Levin, and Hugh Hefner.
32:49And on the other side, there's Katie Britt, Nellie, Secretary of Veteran Affairs, Doug Collins,
32:54and Winnie the Pooh.
32:56First up, we've got Insane Brown Posse.
32:59Which two of these people worked for UPS?
33:02Team Michael.
33:03So, John Fetterman.
33:04He still looks like he works for UPS.
33:06Definitely John Fetterman.
33:09And...
33:09Katie Britt?
33:10Yep.
33:10We're going to go Fetterman and Katie Britt.
33:12Okay.
33:13Fetterman's big enough to carry multiple packages.
33:17He's like Frankenstein.
33:18He could do it.
33:20Yep.
33:21John Fetterman and Nellie both worked for UPS.
33:26John Fetterman posted this throwback pic of him driving a UPS truck back in the day.
33:31Oh, my God.
33:33What happened?
33:35Why is his body so big and his head is so small?
33:40So Fetterman worked for UPS, as did Nellie.
33:44My first job that actually paid better was UPS, and that's the one I like to say I took
33:50pride in because, you know, that was like nine bucks an hour.
33:53I thought I was the man.
33:54Yeah.
33:55That's a lot.
33:57All right.
33:58Let's do We're Here, We're Cheer, Get Used To It.
34:02Which two of these people were high school cheerleaders, Team Amber?
34:06Well, Hefner probably was.
34:09It's possible.
34:09And I would say girl lady.
34:12Yeah.
34:13Yeah, I agree with that.
34:14I want to say Doug Collins.
34:16Great.
34:16Doug Collins on the right.
34:17And I like the idea of Mark Levin in a little skirt so much that I want to go with
34:23Mark Levin.
34:24I don't need to know that.
34:26Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Katie Britt were high school cheerleaders.
34:31RPG.
34:32And according to her yearbook from James Madison High School in Brooklyn, Justice Ginsburg was
34:37a member of the twirlers.
34:40Oh.
34:41Yeah.
34:41She was in the twirlers for just a little too long, and people were like, shouldn't you
34:46stop twirling?
34:47And she was like, nah, I'm going to keep twirling.
34:49But yeah, if you quit twirling now before you die, then we could get some new younger
34:53twirlers in.
34:57Next up, we've got Holy Scrap.
34:59Which two of these people were really, really into scrapbooking?
35:04I would say squinty guy.
35:06Okay.
35:07Glasses.
35:07Glasses left.
35:08And glasses right.
35:11For some reason, I know that Hugh Hefner, in his later years, was big into scrapbooking.
35:18That was a thing that he would do with his many wives.
35:21Oh.
35:21So Doug Collins and Hugh Hefner.
35:23Hugh Hefner and Secretary of Veteran Affairs Doug Collins were both into scrapbooking.
35:29Before Collins was elected to Congress in 2012, he actually owned a scrapbooking company.
35:35And Hugh Hefner was really into scrapbooking, Michael.
35:39Here's a picture of Hef with the scrapbooks.
35:41Oh.
35:42Wow.
35:43There is some blackmail fodder there.
35:45Yeah, you know them pages stuck together, though.
35:47They can't get to blackmail.
35:48Oh.
35:49Okay.
35:50Uh, Hef had around 3,000 scrapbooks, but shockingly, that wasn't even his worst vice.
35:56Question.
35:57What addiction did Hugh Hefner share with rapper Fat Joe?
36:02Uh, Viagra.
36:04Metamucil?
36:05Hugh Hefner and Fat Joe were both addicted to Diet Pepsi.
36:10At his peak, Hugh Hefner was drinking up to 30 Diet Pepsis a day.
36:1830.
36:19And not only was Hugh Hefner drinking up to 30 a day, so was Fat Joe.
36:23I got a problem.
36:2530, 40 a day.
36:27Let me tell you something.
36:28If I went to the doctor, God forbid, and they told me, yo, you have a problem due to Diet
36:33Pepsi,
36:33I got to take the shit on the chip.
36:36I got to just be like, I knew I was just doing too much with them Diet Pepsi.
36:44I feel like if your worst vices are Diet Pepsi and scrapbooking,
36:49your life is a little more boring than I thought Hugh Hefner's life was.
36:53We didn't get to Mark Levin and Winnie the Pooh,
36:56but between the rumors about Levin and Pooh's friendship with Piglet,
36:59both of them are associated with a tiny hog.
37:02More after the break.
37:11Welcome back.
37:13It's time for Which is Higher?
37:15I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
37:18You tell me, which is higher?
37:21Now, St. Patrick's Day was this week,
37:24so it's the perfect time if you're at the house,
37:26kick back and re-watch the entire Leprechaun movie franchise.
37:31Oh.
37:32I rocked with Warwick Davis and the Leprechauns,
37:34which brings us to the question, which is higher?
37:37The number of films where Warwick Davis played the title role
37:42in the Leprechaun movie franchise,
37:43or the total number of Mission Impossible movies?
37:48I think it's Tom Cruise.
37:49I think it's Tom Cruise, and I've always thought that.
37:52Okay.
37:53So you think there's more Mission Impossible movies
37:55than Leprechaun movies with Warwick Davis?
37:57That's right.
37:58Okay.
37:58Team Michael.
37:59I feel like this is a trick question.
38:00I feel like, obviously, there's more Mission Impossible movies,
38:03which makes me think it's actually the Leprechaun.
38:05How many Mission Impossibles do you see?
38:07Like, six?
38:08Seven?
38:08There's at least eight, if not 20.
38:10Eight.
38:10I do.
38:12The number of films where Warwick Davis plays the title role
38:15in the Leprechaun movie franchise is six.
38:18Ooh.
38:18And the total number of Mission Impossible movies is eight.
38:22Ah.
38:22So the number of Mission Impossible movies is, indeed, higher.
38:26Now, if you don't know the Leprechaun movie franchise,
38:29I know there's some young'uns in here.
38:30You watch all this new stuff on TikTok.
38:32Leprechaun is a beautiful franchise
38:34about a little evil green dude, and he run around,
38:36and all he wants is his gold.
38:39LAUGHTER
38:41Question.
38:42Which of these is a real Leprechaun movie title?
38:47Is it Leprechaun Over the Rainbow,
38:49Leprechaun vs. Gnome,
38:50or Leprechaun in the Hood?
38:52Team Michael.
38:53It's got to be Leprechaun in the Hood, right?
38:55Really?
38:55I want it to be Leprechaun in the Hood.
38:56Someone would make that?
38:57Yes, they would make that.
38:59I had a long night,
39:00and I didn't know what else to watch,
39:02and...
39:02LAUGHTER
39:03The answer is Leprechaun in the Hood.
39:06LAUGHTER
39:08Yes, the real movie is Leprechaun in the Hood.
39:11Oh, my God.
39:12Question.
39:13In Leprechaun in the Hood...
39:15This is just for you, all right?
39:16Nobody...
39:16LAUGHTER
39:20Leprechaun rap.
39:23I want the answer to be yes.
39:24I'm going to say yes, yes.
39:26Damn right he does.
39:29Will you show us the rap?
39:31OK, OK, OK, OK, it's fine.
39:32Can we watch the rap?
39:33It's fine that he raps in the movie, OK?
39:35But we aren't going to be showing that.
39:37All right?
39:39All right, we don't want...
39:40No one wants to see it.
39:41Let's just skip to flip your fucking card over
39:44and read the next thing.
39:46I can't live like this.
39:48Leprechaun rapping.
39:48From the Emerald Isle to your place in the Hood
39:51I'm the man of green, come to do no good.
39:53Lep in the Hood, come to do no good.
39:55Lep in the Hood?
39:57Wow.
39:59I don't like this job or the people here.
40:05LAUGHTER
40:05That was Witch's Hire.
40:08LAUGHTER
40:11LAUGHTER
40:11Time for a game called
40:13Who's That Baby?
40:15All right, let's see that baby.
40:16Oh, the baby.
40:19First clue, they are not eligible to run for president.
40:22They played a kindergarten teacher in a movie.
40:25And they are probably the only California governor
40:27who can bitch-press 500 pounds.
40:29Wow.
40:30Gavin Newsom.
40:31LAUGHTER
40:33It's Arnold Schwarzenegger.
40:35Yes, it is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
40:38And you can...
40:38Oh, same expression.
40:40Ran out of muscle milk.
40:41Nowadays, every celebrity is selling something.
40:44They always have commercials and they're influencing us
40:46and doing endorsements.
40:48Oh, Arnold had a commercial over there,
40:49out there in, uh, Japan.
40:50I'm gonna show you a few seconds
40:52of an Arnold Schwarzenegger commercial.
40:55Yeah.
40:55And I want you all to tell me
40:56what product you think it's selling.
40:59LAUGHTER
41:05What is that ad selling?
41:08Deodorant.
41:08The pants.
41:09Ooh.
41:11Here's what the Arnold Schwarzenegger commercial
41:12was selling.
41:18The Yen was strong.
41:26That was Who's That, Baby?
41:27I want to thank our guests, Harry Kondabolu
41:29and Ari Shapiro.
41:32And, of course, thank you to our team captains,
41:35Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
41:37Here are a few more stories we're watching.
41:40Man spoils the end of Conclave.
41:44Oh.
41:45VP dazzles crowd with an invisible bass solo.
41:49LAUGHTER
41:50I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I'll see you next week
41:52for another episode of Have I Got News For You,
41:54and I'm available to be the new Bachelorette.
41:58Good night.
41:59LAUGHTER
41:59Hey, I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I love you.
42:03What the do you want?
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