- 2 weeks ago
- #video
- #australian
#video #Australian Story - Season 31 - Episode 04: Raising Richard (Deirdre Croft)
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:15This is a simply beautiful story that absolutely destroyed me the first time I watched it.
00:22For 35 years, Deirdre Croft and her intellectually disabled son Richard
00:27have had their journey documented on film,
00:31creating a record of a beautiful and loving relationship.
00:36Richard is now 45, and as Deirdre's health declines,
00:41she confronts a dilemma that many others face too.
00:44Who will look after our children when we're gone
00:46if they can't look after themselves?
00:50If we do a selfie, Richard...
00:54My son, Richard, is totally dependent on other people
01:02to help him engage with this world
01:05and to make sure he survives.
01:13Sometimes I actually feel that Richard is my therapist.
01:19He knows nothing about world politics.
01:23He has no ego.
01:25He doesn't judge me.
01:28It's quite liberating.
01:30It's hold my hand and let's play a song together.
01:35Happy birthday to you.
01:41Deirdre loves, loves and loved Richard
01:45from the minute he was born.
01:49She has given him her all.
01:52Yeah, everything.
01:54Richard?
01:57I think Deirdre is much frailer than she was.
02:01I want to thank you for all you've contributed
02:04in 45 years on planet Earth.
02:08I think she's been preparing for her death
02:11from day one with Richard.
02:14And so the pressure is now on Deirdre
02:17to work out who's going to look after Richard
02:21from this point on.
02:24My only concern is Richard's future.
02:29I feel like there's no time to be wasted.
02:47MUSIC PLAYS
02:48Deirdre, I found these photos in my storage.
02:53Oh, gosh, gosh, gosh.
02:56So you must have prepared these
02:58for the first film, I think.
03:00Yeah.
03:03Pregnancy, hospital, post-birth.
03:08Mmm...
03:09Have we got any tissues?
03:21I met Deirdre in 1989,
03:24and it was the beginning of a documentary journey
03:28that spanned nearly three decades
03:30as we made three films about her life with Richard.
03:33You all right? Yeah.
03:35OK, Deirdre, what I'd like to talk about in this interview
03:40are the positive aspects of being Richard's mother,
03:43of being mother of a kid with special needs.
03:51Are you still going? Yeah.
03:54Um...
03:57The experience of Richard has given me an opportunity
04:04to appreciate the individuality of our children
04:08and their value in their own right,
04:12irrespective of whether you can puff out your chest
04:14and boast about winning a race or topping the class.
04:18That was so wise!
04:21And still are.
04:23I thought Deirdre had a remarkable story to tell,
04:27but more importantly,
04:28I thought she would tell it with great candour and honesty.
04:32I thought she'd be brave enough to go on the journey,
04:35and that's proven to be correct.
04:36He doesn't like the band.
04:38He does.
04:40I finished school in 1970,
04:45and I went to the University of Western Australia.
04:49I had a degree in psychology,
04:52and I embarked on a career in journalism.
05:01I was going on 23 when I married Charlie.
05:07They were both very different people.
05:09Charlie had been a Vietnam vet
05:12and had had a harder childhood than Deirdre.
05:17But, of course, family for both Charlie and Deirdre were important.
05:22In those days, you were married for two years,
05:24you got the house and then you got the baby.
05:26So their life was looking idyllic.
05:31My experience of being pregnant was one of the best times of my life.
05:39I was absolutely intrigued by what felt like a miracle of life developing in my body.
05:53Deirdre was wheeled off.
05:55I was left pacing up and down,
05:57and some 15, 20 minutes later,
06:00they came out and said,
06:02my mother's fine, but the baby's not too good.
06:06They performed a caesarean operation,
06:09and I was conscious,
06:10and I could feel him pulling and yanking
06:13and trying to get him out of my body.
06:17He just had a faint heartbeat,
06:21and he was unconscious for a week,
06:25and he was having seizures for most of that time.
06:30There was birth injury, birth trauma.
06:34He'd had a brain injury of some kind.
06:38And then, all of a sudden, he regained consciousness,
06:44and I breastfed him the next day.
06:49And it seemed like he'd had a miracle recovery.
07:01Richard and my daughter, Rhianna, were only six weeks apart,
07:04and so in those early days, they seemed pretty much the same.
07:09You know, Richard was smiling when Deirdre went into him in the mornings,
07:13and he was babbling a little bit, as Rhianna was.
07:20I guess with child development,
07:22because it is an incremental process,
07:25it was only over time that it became apparent
07:32what the consequences of the brain damage were.
07:37Dog?
07:39Richard?
07:41Richard?
07:41Dog?
07:44Dog?
07:47Dog?
07:47It's not a problem.
07:50Dog?
07:50Dog.
07:52It seems like there are surprises all along the way,
07:57and you just never know what he might be capable of doing.
08:02The dreams of what might be available if he does talk.
08:05I'd really love that.
08:07You know, I'd really love that.
08:11It'd be nice, wouldn't it, Richard?
08:13Hey?
08:15You could say some things too.
08:19You imagine the story of your life,
08:22and how it might plan out,
08:24and what your dreams are.
08:25And sometimes, maybe always,
08:28those stories change.
08:32Deirdre was thrown straight into motherhood,
08:36and I think because of the stress
08:40that both she and Charlie were under,
08:42they didn't grieve for the baby that he never was.
08:50I first met Deirdre when Richard was about 10 years old,
08:55and so she had a decade of stresses and strains.
08:59I felt she was running on empty.
09:03She wanted a film made about various issues
09:07to do with disability and with caring,
09:09and that's where the project began.
09:19Don't!
09:20I said to Deirdre,
09:22this can work at its best if it's kind of warts and all.
09:26And to her absolute credit,
09:28she has run with that without hesitation for nearly three decades.
09:34I suppose for about six or seven years,
09:39Richard had some incredible resistance to car travel.
09:44We're going to go and see our new house.
09:52No, no.
09:54Richard can't talk, so all he can be in the relationship
10:02is basically what he feels.
10:08Stop it, Richard!
10:12Richard's aggression was often driven by his fear.
10:17So it wasn't like it was malicious.
10:20It's not like I hold a grudge against him for hurting me so much.
10:29But it's hard for me to remember how I endured that.
10:38It was confronting seeing her dealing with many of those things.
10:45She said to me a number of times that she really hopes
10:48that people can see Richard's humanity first and foremost.
10:52That she really hopes people can see the person in front of them
10:55and not the problem.
10:56And for me that goes to the heart of the matter.
11:04Richard's father and I sped up just before Richard turned nine.
11:09And we've come to an arrangement
11:11whereby he spends one week with his father and one week with me.
11:15The marriage didn't bust up because of Richard.
11:19Richard was just additional stresses and strains.
11:23At some point, Deirdre got together with Chris,
11:27who is a musician, a wonderful man.
11:31That's the way it is.
11:34That's the way we are.
11:37When we swim against the tide,
11:40we don't get very far.
11:43Chris's clear love of Richard was really evident.
11:48And Richard's response to Chris and to his music
11:52was a delightful thing to see.
12:00Chris and I, perhaps you could say we were soulmates.
12:07Chris never had children himself,
12:10but he seemed incredibly comfortable with Richard.
12:19He would just talk to him as if he would talk to a peer.
12:36About nine years later, when Richard turned 20,
12:40Charlie, his father was his primary caregiver
12:42and that was the main impetus for making that second documentary.
12:52He wanted to push the boundaries for Richard in all sorts of ways.
12:58Things like taking and riding on the back of a motorbike
13:01is fairly hair-raising.
13:03A lot of people think that I'm silly for doing that.
13:06There's an unnecessary risk.
13:10But that's fine, we do.
13:11We do our things.
13:12We have a good time.
13:15We have a good time.
13:18I just love him passionately, dearly.
13:21That's basically what I'm living my life for,
13:24is for caring for Richard.
13:28I don't envy the relationship between Charlie and Richard.
13:32I rejoice in it.
13:34I think it's a very beautiful thing.
13:36Right there.
13:36I really don't believe that I could physically manage his full-time care at this stage in his life and
13:45my life.
13:46I'm not strong enough.
13:49This experience has brought me to fulfil a role which I actually believe is my calling in life, if you
13:55like, and that's in advocacy.
13:58We have called our campaign Time to Care.
14:02She advocated quite a bit early on, but then it gave her that opportunity to put more energy into making
14:09other people's lives better.
14:11My son Richard was quite an aggressive young boy.
14:15I would be devastated in the privacy of my own home and open the front door with my plastic smile
14:24across my mouth.
14:26I'm fine, thank you very much, yes.
14:27Got it all handled.
14:29It's under control.
14:31Bye bye Richard.
14:32Thank you very much.
14:33You're very welcome, it's a pleasure.
14:35Okay, thanks for that.
14:37See you later.
14:40I think people want disability to be inspiring.
14:45Somehow people with disabilities and their carers are these noble, bigger than life figures.
14:51And I think that's a pity.
14:54There are moments, you know, of beautiful tenderness and softness.
14:58But there are horrendous times as well and very, very challenging times that most people never encounter in their lives.
15:09Come here, come here.
15:11Come here, Maggie.
15:13You hold that one.
15:14You just stand there.
15:15You hold that.
15:16You hold that.
15:17You hold that.
15:19This is precarious.
15:26Richard's life was very stable but all that changed two years ago and the human story has changed dramatically.
15:42Charlie had a heart attack in 2012 and that's when Rich came back to live with me.
16:00Charlie didn't last very long.
16:03Charlie didn't last very long at all so Richard's whole world was turned upside down.
16:10Charlie was able to say goodbye to all the significant people in his life but he couldn't bear to say
16:19goodbye to Richard.
16:22So it was just that his father suddenly disappeared.
16:27Charlie disappeared.
16:31It's so hard to know what sense Richard makes of death.
16:40Charlieí–ˆ Orange Turn that's ourest children dear friend.
16:42See this.
16:43Daddy?
16:44Daddy.
16:45Daddy?
16:50I believe he remembers them vividly.
16:56And why did they leave?
17:06It was devastating. It was so hard for Richard.
17:10But Deidre stepped up. She really did.
17:16Richard needs someone with him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
17:21bathing him, feeding him, putting to bed,
17:26getting up to him in the middle of the night.
17:29I was wearing out.
17:32You know, I really was exhausted.
17:36It wasn't sustainable.
17:42I'm about to make my first visit to a group home
17:46to see whether it might be suitable for Richard.
17:49On the way here, I started to feel a little bit emotional
17:52because it felt like I'm making a decision on Richard's behalf.
17:57Did you know that Richard's going to come and stay here?
18:01After Jenny moves out, Richard's going to come up
18:04and just visit during the day?
18:07When you have been absolutely committed to the care and wellbeing
18:13of someone you know is very vulnerable,
18:18to entrust that to anyone else is very challenging
18:25and potentially traumatic.
18:28You know the level of Richard's capabilities, don't you?
18:32Yeah, yeah.
18:34The other members of the house, how did they accept him?
18:37I think the boys especially, I think, would be fine.
18:40Andrew definitely. He just loves new people.
18:42So I think they'd be fine.
18:44And Richard's a nice, really nice guy.
18:46He's a nice guy.
18:48He's a nice guy.
18:48He's a nice guy.
18:49He's a nice guy.
18:52How are you feeling?
18:56It must be so overwhelming.
19:01It's just, you know, it feels like, I don't know, I can't describe it.
19:08Just momentous.
19:12The decision has to be right because you can't make mistakes with Richard.
19:18Bye.
19:21Richard settled in beyond my expectations.
19:25I was relieved and he was happy and settled.
19:31There were a few support workers that he just absolutely bonded with.
19:39Andrew, roll your boat.
19:41All right.
19:42Then I'll do Daniel, roll your boat.
19:44And then Richard, come down.
19:46Yes, you're happy, I know.
19:48I know you are.
19:49That's Richard's happy sound.
19:51And then within about a six month period,
19:54it just all went very, very wrong.
19:57He can't tell us if something has happened to him
20:01that has actually caused him to really lose the plot.
20:12He went into hospital at one stage in the making of the third film,
20:17just when Deirdre thought things were going really well.
20:21Take your hand out of your mouth.
20:23At the group home.
20:25Over three years, there were eight emergency hospitalisations.
20:31Multiple tests were performed.
20:34No physical cause identified.
20:38It just proved again how Richard's life is not a linear progression.
20:43It is waves of ups and downs that someone in Deirdre's position just has to navigate.
20:52I've brought him home quite frequently because he hasn't been sleeping well.
20:59He might really be suffering, but he can't tell us.
21:10The last period of hospitalisation coincided with Chris being diagnosed with cancer.
21:25And I don't know how I did, you know, to people in need of my support with that degree of
21:34intensity.
21:36I am absolutely exhausted now.
21:40And what I had been trying to do was to get Richard's life settled
21:49so that he wouldn't depend so much on my capacity.
21:57And I just, I don't know how to help him overcome what he's going through now.
22:11Show me how you swing.
22:14Lift your feet up.
22:16Charlie had left some financial resources for Richard
22:20and before we finished filming the third documentary,
22:25Deirdre was talking about building a house for Richard.
22:29That was a process that began about eight years ago.
22:37This was the original house.
22:41There's the slab being laid.
22:44There's Richard helping out on site.
22:49I would say it would have been 16 to 18 hours a day for months and months and months and
22:56months.
22:58And we got the handover of the keys in July 2020.
23:04So Richard is secure for the rest of his life because this is his home.
23:23I think Richard is content.
23:28He has support staff on site 24-7.
23:36Six days a week he goes out into the community with a different service provider.
23:45He leads a very healthy, regulated, ordered life.
23:53Bye-bye.
23:55Deirdre Croft for Dr Joe.
23:59I think, maybe slightly ironically, the challenge now is for Deirdre's accommodation
24:04and what she does in the next stage of her life.
24:06I've got a little list.
24:09And I have a script for blood pressure.
24:11Most of my adult life has been focused on caring for other people.
24:18And I'm not very good at caring for myself.
24:22And I feel like there is a progressive deterioration on multiple levels.
24:29This past week I've been staying up at Richard's place.
24:32It's lovely.
24:33Yeah, because he's got support staff up there.
24:37And now I feel quite vulnerable about the possibility of living alone.
24:45My beloved partner, Chris, passed away May 2021.
24:53It was a very gentle transition of gradually fading.
25:01He was very peaceful.
25:11I bought this a while ago.
25:13Richard doesn't use it, but because my back has been so bad,
25:18the reach suggested that I might benefit from trying it myself.
25:23Can you do it without your glasses?
25:24Can you see?
25:26No.
25:26My current quest is to mobilise a team for Richard that can be trained in what I do,
25:36so that if I fall asleep and don't wake up,
25:41it's just a smooth transition and business as usual.
25:47How does that feel, Deirdre?
25:49Wonderful.
25:52Our intention is to set up a legal entity called a micro-board.
25:59My hope is that because all of you have been involved in Richard's life over an extended period of time,
26:06we'll be able to contribute their knowledge, insight and care.
26:12The people who are part of the micro-board will undertake different roles in relation to Richard's life.
26:21You said 2018, didn't you?
26:22Yes.
26:23So we've started the process of establishing Richard's micro-board.
26:27It's hard to say at the moment just how long it will take before it's operational.
26:32That should be straightforward.
26:33She would like to hand it over, but she has to have a really high degree of confidence to be
26:42able to do that.
26:43And Deirdre's not there yet.
26:47Now look at this.
26:48Just a minute.
26:50I might see what that looks like.
26:55Every day I take photos.
26:58And I find it very restorative.
27:03If there's an overarching theme for me that comes through the documentaries,
27:07it's that notion that care has to be shared.
27:10And we need to care for carers as well as caring for the most vulnerable amongst us.
27:16I love capturing sunlit clouds.
27:20But I also love capturing birds in flight.
27:24I love capturing birds.
27:26Deirdre is an unheralded champion, along with lots of other people like her.
27:31I think it's roughly three million people in Australia have a caring role in one form or another.
27:39If someone like Deirdre, who has extraordinary capacity, education, ability to navigate bureaucracy,
27:46if she still finds it hard, how much harder must it be for someone who doesn't have that level of
27:53capacity?
27:54We've been a bit light on with birds lately. I don't know why.
27:59Oh, look, there's a little birdie.
28:11Hello, Richard. It's Mummy here.
28:15I had an idea that I would make you some video clips that you could watch if I'm not around
28:24to show them to you.
28:25But right now, what I'd like to say to you is how much I value your contribution to my life.
28:37I could describe you as a life coach because...
28:44Who are we to judge when a person's life is worth living or not?
28:48What is the bottom line?
28:51If not our intellectual capabilities, what is it that makes us essentially human,
28:57a worthwhile member of the human race, deserving of a life to be lived?
29:03Perhaps the real tragedy is not that there are people born who are less capable
29:09and therefore more dependent on others to care for them and to meet their needs,
29:14but that there are too many other so-called intellectually normal people
29:19who are severely handicapped in their capacity to give and care for others.
29:26The last thing I want to say to you, Richard, is that I love you with all my heart
29:34and I am so grateful that you've been a part of my life.
29:39MUSIC PLAYS
30:01Whoa! Excellent.
30:05Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Richard, happy birthday
30:19to you.
Comments