- 7 weeks ago
First broadcast 6th February 1979.
Slice-of-life look at class divisions among employees at a brokerage house.
Richard Kane - Alan
Joolia Cappleman - April
Phil Davis - Kevin (as Philip Davis)
Adam Norton - Giles
Simon Chandler - Nigel
Graham Seed - Anthony
Catherine Hall - Samantha
Felicity Dean - Caroline
Jeffry Wickham - Francis
Souad Faress - Samya
David Neville - Lord Crouchurst
Richenda Carey - Lady Crouchurst
Lavinia Bertram - Nanny
Francesca Martin - Selina
Geraldine James - Miss Hunt
Sam Kelly - Mr. Desmond Shakespeare
Angela Curran - Woman in window
Roger Hammond - Man in window
Slice-of-life look at class divisions among employees at a brokerage house.
Richard Kane - Alan
Joolia Cappleman - April
Phil Davis - Kevin (as Philip Davis)
Adam Norton - Giles
Simon Chandler - Nigel
Graham Seed - Anthony
Catherine Hall - Samantha
Felicity Dean - Caroline
Jeffry Wickham - Francis
Souad Faress - Samya
David Neville - Lord Crouchurst
Richenda Carey - Lady Crouchurst
Lavinia Bertram - Nanny
Francesca Martin - Selina
Geraldine James - Miss Hunt
Sam Kelly - Mr. Desmond Shakespeare
Angela Curran - Woman in window
Roger Hammond - Man in window
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:24This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
00:00:29this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, this other Eden, demi-paradise,
00:00:36this fortress built by nature for herself against infection and the hand of war,
00:00:42this happy breed of men, this little world, this precious stone set in the silver sea,
00:00:50which serves it in the office of a wall or as a moat defensive to a house against the envy
00:00:56of less happier lands,
00:00:57this blessed cross, this earth, this realm, this England.
00:01:17Uh...
00:01:27Did I...
00:01:41Is this mine or yours?
00:01:45It's mine.
00:01:59What's this?
00:02:00Oh, pate.
00:02:02I'll put it in the fridge for you.
00:02:04I'm gonna eat it in a tick.
00:02:06Then do hang your coat up.
00:02:08Yeah, all right.
00:02:17How many courses do you think we should have?
00:02:20Oh, I don't know.
00:02:22Let's have three.
00:02:24Fine.
00:02:25I'll be responsible for the main course.
00:02:28Is there anything you can cook?
00:02:33I could get my Ma to do an apple crumble when I go home.
00:02:36Fine.
00:02:38And then Celia can do the hors d'oeuvre.
00:02:40Yeah.
00:02:43That's Celia's butter.
00:02:45Oh, she won't mind.
00:02:47Toast burning!
00:02:48Huh?
00:02:48Oh, God!
00:02:50By the way, tomorrow's the 15th.
00:02:52Oh, yeah, the wren, they are.
00:02:53Oh, damn it.
00:03:02You could have scraped it.
00:03:04Huh?
00:03:05Well, it doesn't matter.
00:03:09Bloody good pate, this.
00:03:11You've had 512 units.
00:03:13You have?
00:03:14I've had 437.
00:03:17Guess how many Celia's had?
00:03:19I don't know.
00:03:20Twenty?
00:03:22No, six.
00:03:23Huh.
00:03:25That makes your telephone bill 18 pounds, 36 pence.
00:03:28With the month's rent at 180 pounds,
00:03:31it's a total of 198 pounds, 36 pence.
00:03:35If you'd like to give me a cheque.
00:03:37What?
00:03:38Oh, yeah.
00:03:41I'm going to pay.
00:03:43Come on, come on.
00:03:45How much?
00:03:50198 pounds, 36 pence.
00:03:55Take your shoe off the sofa, please.
00:03:59Fire.
00:04:33All of these.
00:04:34How are Martin and Hawkins looking?
00:04:37Yes, I've got 95 here.
00:04:41Are they easing at all?
00:04:43Good, that's excellent.
00:04:44I'm buying 10 at 93, good for the day, and I've got some bed and breakfasts for you.
00:04:491,000 Dristram, 3 Dunstford International, 5 Grant Faber.
00:04:54Hold on a moment, will you, Paul?
00:04:55Yes, please.
00:04:56Eason Clarke.
00:04:57AA or HH?
00:04:58Sorry, are you AA or HH?
00:05:01Hold on, Paul.
00:05:01AA.
00:05:02I'll take it.
00:05:05Alfred, good afternoon, sir.
00:05:06Can I keep you for just 20 seconds?
00:05:11There we are, Samuel.
00:05:12Two and a half track, one metal, three Baltic gas, and five Preston East if they touch 74.
00:05:20Bye.
00:05:22Alfred, how about the Skinners?
00:05:24Oh, bad luck.
00:05:47Your work is the rent you pay for the room you occupy on Earth.
00:05:54Who said that, Kevin?
00:05:56Brian Clough?
00:05:58No, Elizabeth Bowles-Lyon.
00:06:00Who's she?
00:06:02She is the Queen Mother, Kevin.
00:06:04Hmm.
00:06:07Oh, by the way, did you know that King George VI was born left-handed?
00:06:11Was he?
00:06:12Yes, he was, Kevin.
00:06:14His nanny used to strap it behind his back.
00:06:17What for?
00:06:19To make him use his right hand.
00:06:21Oh.
00:06:22Did it work?
00:06:23No, it gave him a stammer.
00:06:25Shame.
00:06:27Andy was a haemophiliac.
00:06:29Dirty old sod.
00:06:30You're talking about royalty, Kevin.
00:06:33Sorry.
00:06:37Deeply grieved when he passed away.
00:06:40She's a great lady and a very gracious person.
00:06:43It's all happening over there again.
00:06:45You are, my son.
00:06:46Get in there.
00:06:47Oh, mind your own business, Kevin.
00:06:51Well, what are your feelings about Petula Clark?
00:06:53Oh, I think she's absolutely wonderful.
00:06:55She's a very courageous person, Kevin.
00:06:59Courageous?
00:07:00What does she ever do?
00:07:02Well, she went to a foreign land.
00:07:05Mastered the language and carved out a new life for her soul.
00:07:09She had a bloke out there, didn't she?
00:07:10She's a person I very much admire, Kevin.
00:07:13Really?
00:07:15Does your wife know about this?
00:07:17Yeah, there are times, Kevin, when you think you're a very amusing person.
00:07:21Pure self-illusion.
00:07:26Hello, he's moving in for the cilder.
00:07:27Oh, get on with your work, Kevin.
00:07:29It's all happening over there.
00:07:30No, it isn't.
00:07:31It's all in your mind.
00:07:43We can keep an eye on them for the next fortnight or so and see if they come back at
00:07:48all.
00:07:49No, not that one, Kevin.
00:07:50I haven't booked it yet.
00:07:51I'll go ahead then and bed and breakfast the others.
00:07:53Right, bye.
00:07:54Love to Helen.
00:08:07Here you are, Kevin.
00:08:10Kevin.
00:08:12It really isn't all that bad, is it?
00:08:14Hmm?
00:08:15It's great.
00:08:31I assume the negotiations for your penthouse have broken down, Kevin.
00:08:36Well, they never really got underway, did they?
00:08:39You've abandoned your plans for a city location?
00:08:42I'm not looking for a city location.
00:08:45Of course, I got in when there was a boom.
00:08:47A boom?
00:08:48For buyers.
00:08:50Well, I don't want to buy it.
00:08:51No, I don't suppose you do.
00:08:54You live in a terraced house, don't you, Alan?
00:08:56Yes, I do.
00:08:58It's a very nice situation.
00:09:00Yeah, you see, I wouldn't bother to move away or two if it weren't for the travelling.
00:09:05A nice, big, detached house overlooking a golf course.
00:09:08That's your dream, is it, Kevin?
00:09:11No, it's where I live.
00:09:14You must admit, it is a funny way to carry on.
00:09:30Present for you.
00:09:32Oh, thanks for nothing.
00:09:33That's all right, I just happened to be passing, thought I'd drop them in, you know.
00:09:37Don't look at me like that.
00:09:40How's your flat hunting going?
00:09:41All right.
00:09:43Killed two this morning.
00:09:56I'll see you for a drink later.
00:09:57That'll be sharpish, because I'm going to the opera.
00:09:59Not again.
00:10:00You are a philistine, Charles Bain.
00:10:01Why, it's so boring.
00:10:03Who are you taking?
00:10:04Annabelle Kershaw-Rigg.
00:10:05Oh, I don't know.
00:10:06She used to share a flat with Priscilla.
00:10:08Oh, she's up at Oxford.
00:10:09Yeah, larking about at the Marlborough.
00:10:11Huh.
00:10:12Nice legs.
00:10:13I thought you were an ox and cow man, big boobs.
00:10:15I like big boobs and nice legs.
00:10:18Ha, ha.
00:10:18Ha, ha.
00:10:19Ha, ha.
00:10:22You've seen it as I stopped taking sugar in your tea.
00:10:24The price of scallops gone right down.
00:10:27Everyone's unloading.
00:10:28I had noticed, Kevin.
00:10:31And there's no joy in being a plantation worker anymore.
00:10:34Oh, yeah.
00:10:35Why's that?
00:10:36The whole of Africa has been infiltrated by reds, Kevin.
00:10:40Red Indians?
00:10:42Communists, Kevin.
00:10:43Communists.
00:10:44Oh, reds under the bed.
00:10:49So how's your sex life, Charles?
00:10:51Oh, fine.
00:10:52Got something lined up last night, actually.
00:10:54Good for you.
00:10:55Who is she?
00:10:56Caroline Stormont-Grande.
00:10:57Caroline Stormont-Grande?
00:10:58I know her cousin, Stephen.
00:10:59He's at the bar.
00:11:00I am.
00:11:01She's very tasty.
00:11:02She's all right.
00:11:04Sly of dog.
00:11:07What are you doing tonight, Kevin?
00:11:09Oh, nothing.
00:11:11You haven't resolved your social calendar.
00:11:14I'll probably pop down the local, see some mates.
00:11:16Oh, what it is to be young and free.
00:11:19What about you?
00:11:21Well, we tend to be open house, you know.
00:11:24I'm hoping for a quiet evening inn.
00:11:27Oh, nice.
00:11:35Hello.
00:11:36Oh, hello, Apple.
00:11:42Cold boy.
00:11:43Hungry boy.
00:11:44There's a letter, Alan.
00:11:45Yeah.
00:11:46Busy day?
00:11:47Well, always busy, April.
00:11:50There was a bear raid on Bortigas this morning.
00:11:52That tycoon was curving up this afternoon.
00:11:57This is Mummy's favourite girl.
00:12:16Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
00:12:24da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
00:12:27da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
00:12:27da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
00:12:27da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,
00:12:27da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da
00:12:47Shari, Shari.
00:12:55Cheers.
00:12:55Cheers.
00:13:02I was talking to Coral on the telephone today
00:13:05Mrs. Bailey
00:13:07Don't talk a bit about Mrs. Bailey
00:13:08I know, Alan
00:13:11Who is it?
00:13:13Yes
00:13:13Michael Caine
00:13:15No
00:13:18Mrs. T
00:13:19No
00:13:23Give us a clue
00:13:25He's a very hearty bad apple
00:13:29Russell Hearty
00:13:30No
00:13:31Dr. Christian Barnard
00:13:33I thought I'd get him while he was over here
00:13:35I didn't know he was still going
00:13:37Well, he's the top man in his field
00:13:38He doesn't have 100% success, Alan
00:13:42People still donate their hearts to him
00:13:44Looks just like a doctor's signature
00:13:45Well, he is a doctor, April
00:13:48I wouldn't give him my heart
00:13:50Don't be silly, April
00:13:56She says Concord's nose is too long
00:13:58What does Mrs. Bailey know about Concord?
00:14:00Exactly, Alan
00:14:00She's just jealous
00:14:01Because my cats are more friendly than hers
00:14:03She doesn't care about the cats, Alan
00:14:06All she cares about is the money
00:14:08If you went round there, Alan
00:14:09And you saw the way she overcrowds her cat houses
00:14:13You really would be shocked
00:14:14Why, I have only got to write a letter to the Governing Council of Cat Fancy
00:14:18And they'd be round there like a shot
00:14:20They would suspend her
00:14:22She's an evil, idle gossip
00:14:24I know, Alan
00:14:25But she's got a lot of influence in the cat world
00:14:28She's a frightened woman
00:14:30Your reputation is as pure as a driven snow
00:14:32Do you think so, Alan?
00:14:34I do
00:14:39Thank you
00:14:44You've been to the travel agent today, April
00:14:45No, Alan, I forgot
00:14:46It's about time we got all that sorted out, you know
00:14:48Oh, can't you go
00:14:49I have to go to work every day
00:14:51I'm a professional man
00:14:53Well, what about Saturdays?
00:14:55I'll go to my hairdresser's Saturday, you know that
00:14:57Not every Saturday
00:14:58Look, you're the one with the time on your hands, April
00:15:08So is it tonight?
00:15:10Lucinda Prior Palmer and Rhythmic Roberto
00:15:14What's Rhythmic Roberto?
00:15:17Rhythmic Roberto is a periodist
00:15:19Oh, that's nice
00:15:20He's just finished playing the piano for 50 days, April
00:15:23Non-stop
00:15:24For charity?
00:15:25Yes, in a public house in Haringey
00:15:33His fingers must be very tired
00:15:36He hasn't got any fingers, I think
00:15:41Why does he play the piano, then?
00:15:43With his toes
00:15:46I'm about to write back, won't I?
00:15:56You'll be careful up there, won't you, April?
00:15:58Yes, Alan
00:16:05Come back
00:16:06Come back
00:16:08Come back, come back
00:16:10I forgot to ask Coral for the name of that photographer
00:16:13Here we go again
00:16:14Oh, Alan
00:16:15It would be nice to have some pictures
00:16:17What for?
00:16:18To show people
00:16:19You show them the cats and you show them the pedigrees
00:16:21That's not the same thing
00:16:22It's a record
00:16:23A memory
00:16:24A picture is worth a thousand words
00:16:28Anyway, your mother would love a picture of the kittens
00:16:31You leave Mummo out of this
00:16:32Your mother might be interested
00:16:33But mine's got other things on her mind
00:16:35She is very fond of Greenpokes
00:16:38Get out of the way
00:16:40Get out of the way
00:17:09Giles, we haven't cleaned the ball
00:17:11It's a bloody mess
00:17:12All right, I'll do it in a minute
00:17:14Don't bother
00:17:15I'll do it myself
00:17:19Sorry
00:17:44What's this, another one?
00:17:45You love your little notes, do you?
00:17:47They're a necessary evil
00:17:49Nobody will clean up unless you remind them
00:17:59Excuse me, Samuel
00:18:01What's the matter?
00:18:03Nothing, why?
00:18:04Not smiling again
00:18:07Hi
00:18:07Hi
00:18:08And those tracks Icon, did you buy?
00:18:10No, they closed at $2.95
00:18:13I warned you about the Irish budget
00:18:15You should have bought before lunch
00:18:17Yeah, when he wanted $50
00:18:18I couldn't find them
00:18:19Cocked it up, it was some
00:18:20It was not my fault
00:18:21It was not my fault
00:18:23Samuel, have you ever stayed at a four-star hotel?
00:18:25Yes, I have
00:18:26Have you?
00:18:27Yeah
00:18:27No one got a penny
00:18:28Anthony?
00:18:30Do put your finger out
00:18:31Sorry
00:18:32What was that then?
00:18:34Yes
00:18:35Well
00:18:36Here in London
00:18:37Why don't you come away for a weekend with me?
00:18:39No, thank you
00:18:40No, I'm serious
00:18:41Come to the Cotswolds
00:18:42It's just what you need
00:18:44And no strings attached
00:18:45Oh, no, not another notice
00:18:48What's the P stand for, Samuel?
00:18:50My middle name
00:18:51Hello
00:18:51What is it?
00:18:52My true own business
00:18:53Oh, come on, tell us what it is
00:18:55No
00:18:55Go on, Samuel
00:18:56No
00:18:56Come on, out with it
00:19:00Patricia
00:19:01Oh, that's an English name
00:19:03Yes
00:19:04Hmm
00:19:06Well, what about this weekend?
00:19:08Do you mind?
00:19:08What's the matter?
00:19:09Don't you like me?
00:19:10Oh, steady on, Anthony
00:19:12I'm only trying to give you a bit of fun
00:19:19Smooth, isn't it?
00:19:25I've just been on the phone to Janey Seymour from Cavendish
00:19:27Ah, yeah
00:19:28There's plenty of drinks party on Friday
00:19:30She's off sick
00:19:31I'm surprised she's not still stuck in that lavish
00:19:34Oh, come off it, child
00:19:44Hello, Alan
00:19:44Oh, Anthony
00:19:48By the way, Lord Beveridge
00:19:51He went to Charterhouse, didn't he, Anthony?
00:19:53Yes
00:19:55Lord Liverpool
00:19:57Yes
00:19:57Lord Chief Justice Alverston
00:20:00Yeah
00:20:00Oh, Anthony
00:20:01Yeah
00:20:02Thinking of having a dinner party on Thursday
00:20:04Is that a formal invitation?
00:20:06Oh, yeah, if you can come
00:20:07Hmm, splendid
00:20:08I'm sure I can
00:20:08Will Caroline be there?
00:20:10Yeah, yeah
00:20:11Oh, good
00:20:12Well, I'm just checking the door
00:20:13I can come in
00:20:13It should be all right
00:20:14It's Thursday, I'll find
00:20:15It's only a minute
00:20:15Thank you
00:20:25Good night, Samia
00:20:32Samia, Samia
00:20:33Home, James?
00:20:34Yes
00:20:40How's Jenny?
00:20:41Flourishing as ever
00:20:44Simon and Charlotte, are they well?
00:21:00Fine
00:21:01And the Lady Madeline, is she keeping well?
00:21:04Pretty good for her age
00:21:06Having a bit of trouble with her waterworks
00:21:08Oh
00:21:09I'm very sorry to hear that
00:21:11How's April?
00:21:12Flourishing as ever
00:21:16Got a dinner party tonight, have you, Francis?
00:21:18No, I'm going to see a client
00:21:19Oh, where?
00:21:20Kensington
00:21:25Hi, girl
00:21:27Lord Crouchhurst
00:21:28Full mass
00:21:30You're going to his house, aren't you?
00:21:34See you in the morning, then
00:21:35Oh, er, yes
00:21:37Just a few days
00:21:38Oh, that's okay
00:21:42I mean, I mean, I've been driving out of now
00:21:51Where that's crazy
00:21:51During this morning, when I was third
00:21:52What?
00:21:53Is it so stupid?
00:22:01What?
00:22:05Was it serious?
00:22:05Is it so awful?
00:22:06Yeah, no, you got that
00:22:06And so he got the credit card
00:22:12What colour do you want?
00:22:14What colour do you want? Pink!
00:22:18Well, on Monday, we've got Louise and Nigel's birthday party with the twins.
00:22:23I'm joining the drinks, yeah? Yeah.
00:22:26Tuesday? Tuesday's free, isn't it?
00:22:29Free, except that I'm lunching with Atalanta.
00:22:31Are you? Yeah.
00:22:35Have you got dinner with Digby on Wednesday?
00:22:39Oh?
00:22:40Well, dinner with Digby on Wednesday.
00:22:42Goodie.
00:22:47Totally good, Nanny.
00:22:55Ah, Thursday. New market with Hugo and Jane.
00:22:58Yes. Now, are we dining with them or are they dining with us?
00:23:01Oh, I thought I'd book a table at you know where.
00:23:04Where?
00:23:05Oh, super.
00:23:08Now, Friday, I've got Philip Eve. What does that mean?
00:23:12Oh, Prince Philip. He's guesting at my club.
00:23:14Oh, yes.
00:23:16Saturday, we've got ball at the Savoy.
00:23:19Yup.
00:23:20Sunday, we've got polo at Windsor.
00:23:22Good.
00:23:23Good.
00:23:24Not a bad week.
00:23:28Hey.
00:23:29That's what's with somebody.
00:23:30Which thing, Dad?
00:23:40Hello, Nanny.
00:23:41You're keeping well, I hope.
00:23:44Good.
00:23:45I'll find my own way up, fella.
00:23:48Hello, Selina. How's my best girl?
00:23:51Frances.
00:23:52Hugh.
00:23:53Good to see you.
00:23:54Sorry to keep you. I was detained by a lady on the stairs.
00:23:56Bye, Selina.
00:24:10I'm tired, boy.
00:24:12Hello to Afro.
00:24:13Good evening, Afro.
00:24:15I'm tired, boy.
00:24:21Say hello to Afro.
00:24:22House of Commons.
00:24:25How about the West Indies?
00:24:27Oh, great success.
00:24:29How's Jenny?
00:24:30She's in pretty good form.
00:24:32Jenny gets an attack of green fingers about this time of year.
00:24:34Goes out on the balcony and does funny things to the window boxes.
00:24:37Oh, really?
00:24:38I think she misses her garden.
00:24:39Haven't you got a garden?
00:24:40Not really. In London.
00:24:42Oh, I see.
00:24:44How are the children?
00:24:46You've got a couple, haven't you?
00:24:47We had at the last count.
00:24:49They're fine.
00:24:50Good.
00:24:51The West Indies are absolutely marvelous.
00:24:53They will be living on a honeymoon.
00:24:55They didn't take your children with you, weren't they?
00:24:57Aren't they?
00:24:59Nice to get shot at them for a bit.
00:25:00Much as one loves them.
00:25:01Yeah.
00:25:02So I take it Nanny is proving a success?
00:25:04Oh, she's not quite so bad now.
00:25:06She's absolutely splendid.
00:25:08Get a winter holiday this year.
00:25:09Thanks.
00:25:12Haven't managed one for the last four years, I'm afraid.
00:25:14Oh, bad luck.
00:25:32She's turned up trumps, April.
00:25:34Mrs. T?
00:25:46She's turned up trumps, April.
00:25:48Mrs. T?
00:25:49Dear Mr. Dixon, on behalf of Mrs. Thatcher, I am writing to thank you for your letter
00:25:56of the 14th of February.
00:25:58Mrs. Thatcher was delighted to hear from you and is only too happy to send you a photograph.
00:26:07I have pleasure, therefore, in enclosing a photograph which Mrs. Thatcher has signed
00:26:15and which she has asked me to send you with her warmest good wishes.
00:26:20Yours sincerely, Nicola Halton, secretary.
00:26:26Let's have a look, Alan.
00:26:28That's a nice picture.
00:26:32I like her hairdo.
00:26:33She's a very handsome woman, I thought.
00:26:37Beautiful.
00:26:37Chinchilla kittens for sale.
00:26:40Excellent pedigree.
00:26:42Inoculated.
00:26:43Telephone 544-2071.
00:26:48Very prominent position.
00:26:50It's an exchange of mart as well.
00:26:53Pity you didn't get all night, then.
00:26:59Princess, it's about my mother.
00:27:01How is she?
00:27:01She's extremely well.
00:27:03A little low on pounds.
00:27:05A temporary embarrassment of the tables.
00:27:07Not so temporary.
00:27:08For the long term, I'm afraid.
00:27:10I'm sorry to hear that.
00:27:12Has she approached the trustees?
00:27:13No, she hasn't.
00:27:15I thought it would be best for you and I to have a little chat before she did.
00:27:19Have we any idea how much she thinks she needs?
00:27:21Not precisely.
00:27:22She's down to something like her last fifty thousand.
00:27:25That's her entry capital, of course.
00:27:26Yeah.
00:27:28Mary, please thank you, sir.
00:27:35What are you going to have your supper, darling?
00:27:37This thing.
00:27:38Oh, you have loved it.
00:27:42Frances walked me to the station tonight.
00:27:44Frances?
00:27:45The one with the ginger tom?
00:27:46No, he's the one who looks like Magnus Magnuson.
00:27:49Oh.
00:27:49He was just popping over to Lord Crouchhurst at his town flat.
00:27:53He's one of our private clients.
00:27:55He's a charming man.
00:27:56Once asked me the way to the office toilet.
00:27:59Is that the phone, Alan?
00:28:00No.
00:28:01So she may be being a shade pessimistic.
00:28:04Off the cuff I'd say seventy was nearer the mark.
00:28:06Really?
00:28:07And of course that's not her major source of income.
00:28:09Quite apart from your father's trust, there must be a substantial return from the French property investment.
00:28:14Frances, there isn't.
00:28:16Isn't what?
00:28:17The company ran out of funds.
00:28:18And the building didn't get beyond the second floor.
00:28:21Is there anything to be got back from realising the assets?
00:28:23No.
00:28:25It's a stinker, isn't it?
00:28:27Not too funny.
00:28:28She can't say I didn't warn her.
00:28:30I know.
00:28:31I know.
00:28:31So she's completely dependent on her UK sources of income?
00:28:34Yeah.
00:28:35And she won't enjoy having to live on that, will she?
00:28:38She's going to have to love it.
00:28:41Crouchhurst Earl of.
00:28:43Earl England, 1654.
00:28:47Hugh Henry Charles Lullworth, 15th Earl.
00:28:50Born March the 18th, 1947.
00:28:54Succeeded 1969.
00:28:56Educated at Eton.
00:28:591973.
00:29:00Married Clarissa Jane Dawes.
00:29:03And has issue.
00:29:04Rupert Henry Viscount.
00:29:07Born September the 6th, 1976.
00:29:11And Lady Serena Rose.
00:29:14Born June the 12th, 1974.
00:29:19Family Seat, Crouchhurst Hall, Crouchhurst Sussex.
00:29:23And the family motto.
00:29:25Prosper a virus est.
00:29:27Wealth is strength.
00:29:29So she's spending about one and a half times her income?
00:29:31Optimist.
00:29:32More like two and a half.
00:29:34Oh.
00:29:35Over the past 12 months she's been realising substantially more capital than usual.
00:29:39Can it be more precise?
00:29:41In round figures?
00:29:42Yeah.
00:29:43Getting on for 25,000.
00:29:45And her income is 16,000.
00:29:47Do you suppose she can spend the lot?
00:29:49Spend a little doubt in my mind, Francis.
00:29:52QED.
00:29:53Really, it's too boring.
00:29:55You've been to the travel agent today, April?
00:29:58No, Alan.
00:29:59I forgot.
00:30:00Well, Mum has set her heart on it.
00:30:02She'll be very disappointed.
00:30:03I don't know what to ask for, Alan.
00:30:05Look, you say, my husband and I wish to tour Balmoral, Sandringham and Windsor with my mother-in-law during
00:30:12the last week of August and the first week of September.
00:30:15Will you kindly make the appropriate hotel and coach reservations?
00:30:18I am not going on a coach, Alan.
00:30:21Well, me and Mum are going on the dratted coach.
00:30:23Have you finished?
00:30:25Yeah.
00:30:27Well, put your knife and fork together.
00:30:32How far can you persuade her to cut back?
00:30:34I really didn't know, Francis.
00:30:36If you tried very hard, could you get her down to 30,000?
00:30:39Sounds reasonable.
00:30:40We can't improve the income much beyond 20.
00:30:43It'll mean realising capital.
00:30:45Yes.
00:30:4525% limited power of advancement.
00:30:47I can't see the trustees objecting.
00:30:49That gives them 125,000 to play with.
00:30:53Switched into suitable low-coupon gilts, they could let her have 10,000 a year for at least the next
00:30:5915 years.
00:31:01The problem seems to be becoming more tractable.
00:31:04Spend it.
00:31:05Of course, if she spends any more, you'll have to stump up.
00:31:08Yes.
00:31:17By the way, Kevin, Russell Harty.
00:31:20What do you think about him?
00:31:23What do I think about Russell Harty?
00:31:26Now, what do I think about Russell Harty?
00:31:29Is there any particular reason you want to know, or just like in general?
00:31:35Take a look at that, Kevin.
00:31:49Very nice.
00:31:53He didn't write you a letter, did he?
00:31:55There was a small inscription on the reverse sign.
00:32:01You eat far too many sweets.
00:32:03Do I, Kevin?
00:32:04Yeah.
00:32:05Your teeth will rot.
00:32:07My teeth are in sparkling condition, Kevin.
00:32:10I've never been to a dentist in my life.
00:32:12I don't believe you.
00:32:13What?
00:32:14You must have done.
00:32:15I've never had any trouble with my teeth, Kevin.
00:32:17Your mum must have taken you when you were a kid.
00:32:19Oh, well, yes, yes.
00:32:20I mean, in my adult life.
00:32:21Well, you never said adult life.
00:32:22Well, I implied it, Kevin.
00:32:23You didn't imply anything.
00:32:24You made a statement.
00:32:25It was incorrect.
00:32:26So?
00:32:26No.
00:32:27I think a small apology would be in order.
00:32:35Prick.
00:32:43Come on.
00:32:44Who you heard from those two?
00:32:46No, they'll probably give us a ring tonight, Alan.
00:32:48Try the look of his friend.
00:32:50You were shy, Alan.
00:32:53It's funny that two men wanted to buy a cat.
00:32:55I think Mr. Howard would give Bianca a very nice home.
00:32:59Come on.
00:33:00I think it was Frobisher was flying the altman there.
00:33:05Oh, good girl.
00:33:07He was a strong silent type, Alan.
00:33:09Still waters run deep.
00:33:11You know, I think they'd be better off with a neutered male.
00:33:41I broke.
00:33:44I broke.
00:33:46I broke.
00:33:55I broke.
00:33:57I broke.
00:34:00Good afternoon.
00:34:02Good afternoon.
00:34:09Oh, hi, Landa.
00:34:11No back early.
00:34:12What's this, April?
00:34:13That's Mr. Shakespeare's equipment, Alan.
00:34:15He's in the garden.
00:34:17I've got a customer.
00:34:18Go back. Shoo, shoo, shoo.
00:34:21We're nearly finished.
00:34:23We're nearly finished.
00:34:25Back in a second.
00:34:27We're back early, Alan.
00:34:29My back was giving me a bit of chip.
00:34:31Oh, dear.
00:34:40Are you Mrs. Shakespeare?
00:34:43I beg your pardon?
00:34:44Are you Mrs. Shakespeare?
00:34:46No.
00:34:56Yeah, I'm all right. Don't worry about me.
00:34:58All right.
00:35:00Would you have to pack a lily back in, please?
00:35:02Yes, of course.
00:35:08Alan.
00:35:11It's Mrs. Hunt.
00:35:13Mrs. Hunt, this is my husband.
00:35:15What do you do, Mrs. Hunt?
00:35:17How do I do?
00:35:18She's come to buy her chin.
00:35:20They've run out at Harrods.
00:35:31There we are.
00:35:35There we are.
00:35:35How do you do?
00:35:38Oh, Alan.
00:35:40This is Mr. Shakespeare.
00:35:41I know everyone.
00:35:42Mr. Shakespeare's come to...
00:35:43I know why he's here.
00:35:45Would you like a cup of tea, Alan?
00:35:47Would you like a cup of tea, Alan?
00:35:47Of course I'd like a cup of tea.
00:35:49Miss Hunt?
00:35:50Tea?
00:35:51No, thank you.
00:35:52Coffee?
00:35:53No, thank you.
00:35:54Glass of orange squash.
00:35:56No, thank you.
00:35:57Put the kettle on, April.
00:36:00You'd like a cup of tea, wouldn't you, Mr. Shakespeare?
00:36:02Very nice.
00:36:03Thank you very much.
00:36:06Would you excuse me for just one moment, Miss Hunt?
00:36:12Oh!
00:36:13Oh!
00:36:13Sorry, Mr. Dickens.
00:36:15Dixon.
00:36:16Sorry?
00:36:16Dixon!
00:36:17Oh, is he?
00:36:18Sorry.
00:36:18I'm always doing that.
00:36:20It's perfectly alright.
00:36:28Here.
00:36:29Well, I must say, this all looks bloody good, Nigel.
00:36:32She might have rung.
00:36:32It's a bloody nuisance.
00:36:33Well, you know Celia.
00:36:46Not superstitious, are you?
00:36:48Yeah.
00:36:49No.
00:37:05It's a bloody dance.
00:37:06Flow the trumpet.
00:37:09Make the process.
00:37:11Sing the drum.
00:37:12Sing the drum.
00:37:13Sing the drum.
00:37:14Sing the drum.
00:37:15Sing the drum.
00:37:16Sing the drum.
00:37:17Sing the drum.
00:37:18Clean up the ears with the baby buds.
00:37:21This is very important, because it can get canker.
00:37:24Alright?
00:37:25Then, we start with the grooming.
00:37:28Now, you always comb the hair forward, like that.
00:37:31And I...
00:37:33Oh, thank you.
00:37:35Sprinkle the talcum powder on there.
00:37:38And then comb it in.
00:37:39That's a special kind of talcum powder, is it?
00:37:41Oh, no. Any talc will do.
00:37:44I just use this one because I like the smell.
00:37:46Ah, Mrs. Dixon, I'm afraid I'll have to disconnect the electric fire.
00:37:50Do you mind?
00:37:51Oh, no, that's all right, Mr. Shakespeare.
00:37:53Sorry, Miss Hunt.
00:37:58You haven't found your tea.
00:38:00I don't take milk, actually.
00:38:02Oh, um, shall I pour you another cup?
00:38:04No, it's all right.
00:38:06Sure.
00:38:06Well, here we all are.
00:38:09May I offer you a glass of sherry, Miss Hunt?
00:38:12No, thank you.
00:38:13Close the door, Alan.
00:38:18Now, all my cats are house-trained.
00:38:20Is that your camera, Mr. Shakespeare?
00:38:22No, no, no, no, this is my light.
00:38:24Where would you put your cat tray?
00:38:26My litter tray.
00:38:28Oh, in the kitchen.
00:38:30Don't be superstitious, are they?
00:38:33Well, that's all right.
00:38:34As long as the cat can get at it properly, you see.
00:38:37You see where I keep mine there, Miss Hunt?
00:38:39In the corner?
00:38:40Now, if I was to keep it here, under the drinks cabinet,
00:38:42well, that would be no use at all.
00:38:44Because the cat wouldn't be able to get at it,
00:38:46and it would probably do its jobs all over the place.
00:38:48She doesn't want to hear about all that, April.
00:38:49Alan, we are discussing business.
00:38:53Is that a cup of tea handy, April?
00:38:57Sure.
00:38:59Harrods let you down, did they, Miss Hunt?
00:39:01Yes, I'm afraid they did, rather.
00:39:03We prefer to shop locally.
00:39:07Excuse me.
00:39:08Do you go away very often?
00:39:10Every weekend.
00:39:10Where do you go to?
00:39:12The country.
00:39:13Where's that?
00:39:14Berkshire.
00:39:15Windsor?
00:39:16No, Newbury, actually.
00:39:18Oh, yes, Newbury.
00:39:20You ride, Miss Hunt?
00:39:22Yes.
00:39:23Do you hunt?
00:39:24Yes, I do.
00:39:25Have you got a horse of your own?
00:39:27Yes.
00:39:27Always had horses in the family, did you?
00:39:29Yes, we have.
00:39:30Must cost a lot of food.
00:39:31Probably.
00:39:32Miss Hunt, I've turned her over now,
00:39:35and I'm grooming her belly.
00:39:37Excuse me.
00:39:38Sorry.
00:39:39If you go away,
00:39:40you must arrange for someone
00:39:41to come in and feed the cat,
00:39:43because the cat does need two meals a day,
00:39:45and the kitten doesn't really like to be left alone.
00:39:48How long are you going to be, Mr Shakespeare?
00:39:50Oh, an hour, hour and a half, no more.
00:39:52It's just a very important engagement at seven.
00:39:55Are you going out, Alan?
00:39:56No, it's this is your life.
00:39:58So it is, Wednesday night.
00:39:59Oh, you're a fan, are you?
00:40:01Can't resist it.
00:40:03Of course, the thing about chinchillas,
00:40:04is you can't just give them
00:40:05any old cat food, Miss Hunt.
00:40:07Can you, Mr Shakespeare?
00:40:08Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:40:09They have very delicate stomachs.
00:40:11His milk's fatal.
00:40:13Oh, and liver.
00:40:13It gives them the most terrible diarrhoea.
00:40:15April.
00:40:16What on earth does one give them, then?
00:40:18Oh, I always give mine
00:40:19lamb's heart, ox heart.
00:40:22Pig's heart.
00:40:23Chicken gourmet menu.
00:40:24Uh, rabbit whiskers.
00:40:26And a little fish.
00:40:28Are you dining out tonight, Miss Hunt?
00:40:31Well, I was rather hoping to.
00:40:32A private dinner party?
00:40:35No, a restaurant, actually.
00:40:36Oh.
00:40:37Um, are you thinking of showing?
00:40:39No.
00:40:40Breeding?
00:40:41I don't think so.
00:40:42Then you'll have to have a spade.
00:40:44I beg your pardon?
00:40:45Spade.
00:40:46An operation.
00:40:47You take her to the vet,
00:40:49and he removes the uterus and the ovaries.
00:40:51Oh, excuse me.
00:40:53What are you up to?
00:40:54Just hanging my backing.
00:40:56You what?
00:40:56It's the backing for the photographs.
00:40:58Well, I hope you've taken your shoes on.
00:41:00You can give me that picture.
00:41:04Careful.
00:41:04Be careful of that.
00:41:07Your name's Shakespeare, isn't it?
00:41:08Yes, yes.
00:41:09Um, it's best to do that
00:41:11before she comes on heat for the first time.
00:41:14Now, that'll be when she's either nine or ten months old.
00:41:17Its birthday will be on the pedigree, I presume.
00:41:19You have filled in the certificate, have you, April?
00:41:21The transaction hasn't taken place yet.
00:41:24Well, perhaps we could hurry it up a bit.
00:41:26May I give you a check?
00:41:28Um, all right, thank you.
00:41:31Forty-five pounds.
00:41:32How much?
00:41:33Forty-five pounds.
00:41:35Fine.
00:41:38Have you got anything to put her in?
00:41:39No, I haven't.
00:41:41I'll give you a pack of it.
00:41:43Oh, shall I take her?
00:41:45There we are.
00:41:46Come on, then.
00:41:47Oh, she doesn't want to leave me.
00:41:48What is the date?
00:41:49It's the 23rd, Miss.
00:41:54Sorry about all this, Miss Hunt.
00:41:55Quite all right.
00:41:56Who do I make it out to?
00:41:59A. Dixon.
00:42:01Have you got far to go, Miss Hunt?
00:42:03Sloane Square.
00:42:04Oh, that's your town flat.
00:42:06Yes.
00:42:07Newbury is your country seat.
00:42:09Yes, well, it's my parents' home.
00:42:11Do you stretch very far back, Miss Hunt?
00:42:13I beg your pardon?
00:42:14The family tree.
00:42:15Oh, I see.
00:42:17Yes, we do, on my mother's side.
00:42:19What's her maiden name?
00:42:21Somerton Friars.
00:42:23Somerton Friars.
00:42:24Ah.
00:42:26Oh, Alan.
00:42:28Well, here we are, fly again.
00:42:30Oh, oh.
00:42:31What a drink.
00:42:32Could you hold it, please?
00:42:33I'll get the box open.
00:42:35Oh, and...
00:42:36There we are, Mrs. Dipsy.
00:42:37Would you leave your name and address, please?
00:42:39Because I'll have to send the pedigree for a man.
00:42:42And, um...
00:42:42Oh, she doesn't want to go.
00:42:44And, um, anyway, I like to keep in your time.
00:42:46Are you sure you want to have a sherry, Miss Hunt?
00:42:48Yes, thank you.
00:42:50What about you, Mr. Shakespeare?
00:42:51Oh, very nice.
00:42:52Thank you very much.
00:42:53I've put a spider in.
00:42:55Cheers.
00:42:58Right.
00:43:01You won't forget to play with her, will you?
00:43:04No.
00:43:05Here we are.
00:43:06She's going to miss her brothers and sisters.
00:43:10Goodbye.
00:43:11Bye-bye, Miss Hunt.
00:43:12Oh, some of the fires.
00:43:14They're all in there, are they?
00:43:15Well, of course they are.
00:43:16This is de Brecht's peerage, baronet, he's 90s and companionage.
00:43:191962.
00:43:20You will look after her, won't you?
00:43:22Oh, of course I will.
00:43:22If you need any advice, give me a ring.
00:43:24I'm always in.
00:43:26Excuse me, Mr. Shakespeare.
00:43:31Goodbye, Miss Hunt.
00:43:33Most interesting to have known you.
00:43:34Oh, thank you.
00:43:36Do drop in at any time.
00:43:37It's open house here.
00:43:39Fine.
00:43:42Bye-bye, Tiger Lily.
00:43:45Charming lady.
00:43:50Hi, so good to see you.
00:43:53It's really good to see you, too.
00:43:55Carry on in.
00:43:59No, through here.
00:44:00Right.
00:44:02Hello.
00:44:02This is Giles Bain, Samantha Cathcart Walker.
00:44:04Hello.
00:44:05Oh, you shouldn't have brought any wine.
00:44:06So for smell.
00:44:08I love your coat.
00:44:10What is it, punk?
00:44:11Where are the safety pins?
00:44:13What you'll be having, aren't I allowed to know?
00:44:16Oh, no, that's a secret.
00:44:17Oh, great.
00:44:18I love secrets.
00:44:20Good hands.
00:44:21That's pretty startling.
00:44:23I'll just hang this again.
00:44:25Right.
00:44:28Lovely place.
00:44:29Yes, yes, it's all right, isn't it?
00:44:32Samantha, would you like a drink?
00:44:34Oh, yep.
00:44:35Dry sherry, martini.
00:44:37White wine, please.
00:44:39Oh.
00:44:40Well, there's some in the fridge.
00:44:41I'll just get it.
00:44:47Newton's balls.
00:44:52Oh, yes, they're fun, aren't they?
00:44:54Yeah.
00:44:56Here I are.
00:45:00Here I are.
00:45:01Love your finny.
00:45:03Oh, yes.
00:45:04Nigel, I really think you should go and look in the mirror.
00:45:07Oh, why?
00:45:08Because your mouth is covered in leffy.
00:45:10Oh.
00:45:11Oh, God.
00:45:13Big orgy in the hall on the way here.
00:45:16Well, I'll get back to the kitchen.
00:45:18If you want a nibble, help yourself.
00:45:21Busy little bee.
00:45:22Yeah.
00:45:23Well, you are a bit early, actually.
00:45:25How unforgivable.
00:45:28Right, can you take it away now?
00:45:30Good, that's good.
00:45:32Yes, that's, um...
00:45:33What are their names?
00:45:35Oh, Mark, I am Eventide Priscilla.
00:45:38An Omar Khayyam.
00:45:40Funny Miss South Pacific.
00:45:41An Omar Khayyam?
00:45:43Yes, it's an Omar Khayyam Hottentot.
00:45:45Totty and Titty.
00:45:47Who's Omar Khayyam?
00:45:48That's a good one.
00:45:49Mmm.
00:45:50That's me.
00:45:51Who is Omar Khayyam?
00:45:52Well, it's Mrs. Blaine of Rutland, the spiritualist.
00:45:55Oh, I don't think I know.
00:45:57Can you take your hand away now?
00:45:59Take it away.
00:46:00Got it.
00:46:01Ah!
00:46:01I think.
00:46:08Door!
00:46:14Anthony.
00:46:15Sure.
00:46:15Come on in.
00:46:16What model, Clarence?
00:46:17Splendid.
00:46:18Go on through.
00:46:22How do you, old Sam?
00:46:23Hello, Anthony.
00:46:24Hi.
00:46:24Good for you to come.
00:46:25Love a well.
00:46:26It's far superior.
00:46:27You'll see what I mean.
00:46:28Another bottle of wine will all get squiffy.
00:46:30Oh, you shouldn't have brought any wine.
00:46:32Hello.
00:46:32Oh, yes.
00:46:34Samantha.
00:46:34Samantha Cutt-Walker.
00:46:36Anthony Trotter.
00:46:37How do you do?
00:46:38So.
00:46:39I'll get you a drink, Anthony.
00:46:41That'll be splendid.
00:46:42Dry sherry.
00:46:43Giles.
00:46:44Oh, sorry.
00:46:47White wine, yeah?
00:46:48Yeah.
00:46:49White wine for Samantha.
00:46:51I like your nightie.
00:46:52Don't wear it in bed.
00:46:57Thanks.
00:46:58Samantha.
00:46:59Thanks.
00:47:00So how do you know these chaps?
00:47:01Oh, she doesn't know me at all.
00:47:04We met on my father's farm in Norfolk.
00:47:07Yeah.
00:47:07Shooting.
00:47:08That's right.
00:47:09Do you shoot?
00:47:10No, I certainly do not.
00:47:11Giles, I bet you do.
00:47:13Oh, yeah.
00:47:14Have to.
00:47:15Poor old Nigel.
00:47:16He really hates it.
00:47:17No, I don't.
00:47:18You do me this.
00:47:19You don't.
00:47:20It's such a weed.
00:47:22Oh.
00:47:25Well, I better get back to the kitchen.
00:47:30Samantha, what do you do with yourself?
00:47:32I win.
00:47:34I manage a shop.
00:47:36Really?
00:47:36Yeah.
00:47:36What do you do?
00:47:37We're stockbrokers.
00:47:38Oh, is it fun?
00:47:40Yeah.
00:47:40Well, it can be when we make a lot of money.
00:47:42Yeah, absolutely.
00:47:47Nigel!
00:47:48Yeah?
00:47:58You'll have to have tin soup.
00:48:00Oh, well, I don't like avocados anyway.
00:48:02Oh, don't you?
00:48:02No.
00:48:03Where's Caroline?
00:48:04I don't know.
00:48:06And you better get back to the guests.
00:48:07What?
00:48:08Oh, yeah.
00:48:14Ah.
00:48:15How are you two?
00:48:16Having a bit of trouble with the droopy fag.
00:48:18Well, where's Caroline?
00:48:19What have you done with her?
00:48:21Oh, she'll be along.
00:48:23You look worried.
00:48:24No, no, I'm not worried.
00:48:27Just hungry.
00:48:30By the way, did you know there was a famous writer called Shakespeare?
00:48:34Yes, yes, I had heard of him.
00:48:35You suppose he was an ancestor of yours?
00:48:37No, nothing about him.
00:48:38Ah, no, I shouldn't think so.
00:48:39Well, you never know, you know.
00:48:41True, true.
00:48:42I shouldn't think there were any Shakespeare's in the London Telephone Directory.
00:48:44No, 40 there are.
00:48:46Well, which part of the country do you family come from?
00:48:49Grandma, we are photographing.
00:48:50Er, Croydon.
00:48:52Do you have any, er, literary leanings, Mr. Shanks?
00:48:54Oh, look, Alan, that's your fault.
00:48:56Just because of the bend.
00:48:58I can't even spell, Mr. Dixon.
00:49:00Oh, er, Mrs. Dixon.
00:49:01Is he grown a beard?
00:49:01Not, Alan, shut up!
00:49:02Well, I did try once, but it came out in spots.
00:49:06Mrs. Dixon, I wonder if you could just turn the tin around so that it can see more bread on
00:49:09it.
00:49:10What's your first name?
00:49:11Desmond.
00:49:11What's yours?
00:49:12Alan Dixon.
00:49:13Shut up!
00:49:14What have you done?
00:49:15Oh, April.
00:49:16Oh, come on.
00:49:16She was sitting in the middle of my house, Link.
00:49:31Hello.
00:49:32Oh, God, Charles, I'm really sorry, I'm late.
00:49:34It's not a matter at all.
00:49:36How are you?
00:49:38How are you?
00:49:40Fine, Link.
00:49:41Come on in.
00:49:42Thanks.
00:49:45It is, Caroline.
00:49:46Caroline, how lovely to see you again.
00:49:48You look marvellous.
00:49:49Caroline!
00:49:50Tell me, how are you?
00:49:52Beautiful.
00:49:55Hello, I'm Nigel Carlisle.
00:49:57Oh, yes.
00:49:57Nigel Carlisle, Caroline Stormont.
00:49:59Let me take your cable.
00:50:00Oh, God, thanks.
00:50:01Try to get Caroline a drink.
00:50:02Beautiful.
00:50:03Oh, yes.
00:50:04Why don't I come and sit down?
00:50:08Yes, great.
00:50:09Have a drink.
00:50:10Oh, yeah, that'd be lovely, thanks.
00:50:12What have you got?
00:50:13Oh, well, there's sherry, wine, martini, beer.
00:50:19Um, I'd love a martini, thanks.
00:50:21Yeah, fine, fine.
00:50:23Caroline, have you seen David?
00:50:25Yeah, I saw him a couple of times after he got back.
00:50:27How is it?
00:50:28Fine.
00:50:28Oh, great.
00:50:29How about Richard?
00:50:30No, I haven't seen Richard at all.
00:50:32How's Stephen?
00:50:33Oh, yeah, have you seen Stephen and Amanda?
00:50:35Oh, God, Stephen, yeah, he's such a charm.
00:50:38He really is.
00:50:39I really love Steve.
00:50:43Oh, bad stuff.
00:50:50Well, we were wondering where you'd got to.
00:50:52Oh, God, I'm really sorry.
00:50:54Better late than never.
00:50:55Caroline, never mind.
00:50:56It really doesn't matter.
00:50:57God, I got stuck down at home.
00:51:00How is your mother?
00:51:01Oh, she's all right.
00:51:03All right, come and sit down.
00:51:04It's ready now.
00:51:05Oh, ma.
00:51:05Fantastic.
00:51:10Samantha, if you'd like to come and sit down here.
00:51:12You're mine all right?
00:51:13Great.
00:51:14Caroline, if you'd like to sit.
00:51:15No, Giles, up, please.
00:51:16What?
00:51:17You sit there.
00:51:18Caroline.
00:51:19Broth.
00:51:20Yeah?
00:51:22Broth.
00:51:24That's bloody good.
00:51:25I'm sorry.
00:51:26Can I pop myself down here?
00:51:27No, you sit there, please, Anthony.
00:51:27No, next to Samantha.
00:51:28No, that's all right.
00:51:29Oh, no, it's wrong.
00:51:30Let's roll.
00:51:31What?
00:51:32No, because it's girl, girl, chap, chap.
00:51:33What's wrong with that?
00:51:34Oh, good point.
00:51:34I don't want to look at you.
00:51:35No, I just...
00:51:36Oh, I see.
00:51:37Now, Giles, up.
00:51:38Giles, up.
00:51:39What?
00:51:39That's right.
00:51:40Caroline, if you'd like to sit.
00:51:41If Caroline goes there, I'd like to...
00:51:42See, I've got to arrange this because I thought Celia was coming.
00:51:44Oh, yeah, Celia's not coming now, I don't think.
00:51:47Still more for us.
00:51:49Celia will be in someone's bad books tomorrow, wouldn't it?
00:51:51Yeah.
00:51:52It's a shame because I thought you'd like to meet him.
00:51:55Oh, really?
00:51:56Well, some other time.
00:51:58Let me pass around to the road.
00:51:59God, it's still wrong.
00:52:00It's chap, chap.
00:52:01Caroline.
00:52:02Oh, God, I'm sitting there, it's an idol.
00:52:03Gosh, without singing here, there's no way.
00:52:05It doesn't matter.
00:52:07Oh, is there any other way, really?
00:52:08No, right.
00:52:08Well, I hope you all like celery soup.
00:52:10Oh, yeah.
00:52:11Absolutely.
00:52:11Well, come on.
00:52:12What have you been doing since the past?
00:52:13Get the wine.
00:52:13Oh, yeah.
00:52:14It's a long time ago.
00:52:15Yeah, God.
00:52:16When was it?
00:52:17It was not fair.
00:52:19It was outside, if I'm not mistaken.
00:52:21Yes.
00:52:21Oh, God, that was part of me.
00:52:23That's right.
00:52:24But?
00:52:25Did you winter well?
00:52:26Caroline and butter.
00:52:27Here we are.
00:52:28It's plop.
00:52:28Yeah, actually, hang on a minute.
00:52:30What?
00:52:30No.
00:52:31What?
00:52:32White wine and soup.
00:52:33It's all right.
00:52:33It's all right?
00:52:34Yes, please.
00:52:36So, you winter well?
00:52:37God, plenty some more glasses here.
00:52:38Do you want?
00:52:39Well, we didn't get away with it.
00:52:40No?
00:52:41No.
00:52:41No, show glasses.
00:52:42It's a nice summer, are you?
00:52:43Oh, no.
00:52:45I'm going to stick with my old tumbler.
00:52:47Right.
00:52:48Come and sit down before you'll see.
00:52:49It's such a big job.
00:52:51Fantastic.
00:52:52Right, well, tuck in, all.
00:52:54Tuck in.
00:52:54Right.
00:52:56Tuck in, everybody.
00:52:57Oh, yeah.
00:52:58This is good.
00:52:59It's very nice to have you all here.
00:53:00It's only good to be here, Nigel.
00:53:03Thank you for having me.
00:53:04Thank you for coming.
00:53:06You walked right into that one.
00:53:10That's great.
00:53:12That's quite unintentional.
00:53:16So, darling, what have you been doing?
00:53:17Have you been skiing this year?
00:53:19No, no, we didn't go this Christmas.
00:53:20No?
00:53:21Oh, that's a shame.
00:53:22We're going next year.
00:53:23Oh, good.
00:53:23We went last.
00:53:24With the family?
00:53:25Just for my mother.
00:53:26Oh, that's nice.
00:53:27Where do you go?
00:53:28Oh, we go to Klostert in Switzerland.
00:53:30Oh, yeah.
00:53:32It's all right.
00:53:33I love the mountains.
00:53:34I love snow.
00:53:35But I did not very good at skiing.
00:53:37Yeah.
00:53:38Do you ski?
00:53:39Yeah.
00:53:44Just taking Desmond upstairs for a couple of minutes, April.
00:53:47Close the door, Alan.
00:53:49Sorry.
00:53:53Come on, Desmond.
00:53:55Won't be long.
00:54:02It's not bad for tinned.
00:54:05Is it tinned?
00:54:07Thank God.
00:54:07It's really well said, Jan.
00:54:09Put your light in it there, didn't you?
00:54:10Poor Nigel.
00:54:11Oh, God.
00:54:13Sorry.
00:54:14We wouldn't have known, Nigel.
00:54:15It's bloody good.
00:54:16See, we'd intended to have avocados.
00:54:18Uh-huh.
00:54:18And see where it's going to be.
00:54:19She didn't come.
00:54:21Poor girl.
00:54:25Who set the table?
00:54:27What?
00:54:28I did.
00:54:29Oh, look.
00:54:31What?
00:54:33Oh, God, yes.
00:54:35I got the gobbling rods confused.
00:54:37Oh, my God.
00:54:38Oh, God.
00:54:40Sorry about that.
00:54:40I'm left-handed, you see.
00:54:43These are my royal refusals, Desmond.
00:54:46Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, Clarence House.
00:54:49This has proved impracticable owing to the very large number of such inquiries.
00:54:55And Kensington Palace, Princess Margaret.
00:54:57These are only given to personal friends or for official purposes.
00:55:02I'm sorry to have to send you this disappointing reply.
00:55:05Buckingham Palace.
00:55:06Dear Mr. Dixon, I write in reply to your letter requesting a signed photograph of the Queen
00:55:12and her signature.
00:55:13I'm afraid that this would not be in accordance with her practice.
00:55:17I was down there only this morning.
00:55:19Well, I had breakfast with the Queen, did you?
00:55:21Michael Aspel.
00:55:23Michael Parkinson.
00:55:25Oh, Russell Hartick.
00:55:27I arrived only yesterday.
00:55:28This is my life, Desmond.
00:55:31Alan Dixon's tree of Great Britain.
00:55:35Gentlemen.
00:55:36The Duke of Edinburgh.
00:55:37The heir apparent.
00:55:39The sovereign's younger sons.
00:55:41The sovereign's uncle.
00:55:42Come and sit down, Desmond.
00:55:44Make yourself home.
00:55:47I'll start again.
00:55:49Gentlemen.
00:55:50The Duke of Edinburgh.
00:55:51The heir apparent.
00:55:53The sovereign's younger sons.
00:55:55The sovereign's uncle.
00:55:56The sovereign's nephew.
00:55:58The Archbishop of Canterbury.
00:56:00The Lord High Chancellor.
00:56:02I like your outfit.
00:56:04Where did you get it?
00:56:04Well, this I got from our place.
00:56:06And these I got somewhere else.
00:56:09Yes.
00:56:10Punk rock.
00:56:12Hmm?
00:56:13Pink rock.
00:56:15Yeah.
00:56:16Yeah.
00:56:18I got nothing against pine rock.
00:56:19That's very vague of you.
00:56:21Except when it's offensive.
00:56:23Well, that's the whole point of it.
00:56:25What?
00:56:25When it always is offensive.
00:56:27Really?
00:56:28Of course.
00:56:28I don't know that.
00:56:30I don't mind that.
00:56:31I mean, it's when people offend just for the sake of upsetting people.
00:56:35Well, that's the whole point.
00:56:36It's a way of letting it all go.
00:56:39What?
00:56:40Effing and blinding in the street.
00:56:41Just to create an impression.
00:56:43That might offend you.
00:56:45Yeah.
00:56:45It might offend everybody.
00:56:46Offends nationals.
00:56:46I'm sure you're very offensive to some people.
00:56:49Samantha, thank you for that.
00:56:50Anyway, if you find I'm offensive.
00:56:51No, I didn't mean it.
00:56:52I'm sure I offend people, I'm sure.
00:56:54It's all right.
00:56:55I'm sure we all offend somebody at some time.
00:56:57If I'm offensive, though, I do it under a code of behavior, Samantha.
00:57:01And I don't go around effing blinding in the street.
00:57:03You've got to have rules in life, you know.
00:57:05If there's a discipline, what happens?
00:57:07It's just chaos.
00:57:08They do it to shock, really, don't they?
00:57:10Right.
00:57:10And if it didn't shock, they probably won't.
00:57:12I'm boring.
00:57:12Quite right.
00:57:13I mean, it's hooliganism, football crowds.
00:57:16I can't see what punks got to do with football crowds.
00:57:18They're bored young people who have got nothing better to do.
00:57:23For God's sake, you've got to be able to let out your aggression somehow.
00:57:26Bring back corporal punishment.
00:57:27Oh, it's hanging now, yeah?
00:57:28I suppose you bring back hanging.
00:57:30I didn't say anything about hanging.
00:57:31Of course.
00:57:32I talked about corporal punishment.
00:57:34Oh, yeah.
00:57:37What, it needs the same thing?
00:57:39You're a very provocative young lady.
00:57:42I still think it needs the same thing.
00:57:47I think enough said on this topic.
00:57:48Samantha, I want to see you.
00:57:49What do you think of this punk business?
00:57:55Well, I don't know, really.
00:57:56No, I don't.
00:58:02What do you think of it?
00:58:03What?
00:58:04Oh.
00:58:05Well, I don't know, really.
00:58:06They all seem pretty offensive, really.
00:58:10I know.
00:58:10I think so, too.
00:58:11I think we should drop this conversation.
00:58:14We are.
00:58:14Because I haven't seen Samantha Smart for at least three minutes.
00:58:17Right, well.
00:58:18That's better.
00:58:23Dames, Grand Cross, and the Royal Victorian Order.
00:58:26Dames, Grand Cross, and the British Empire Order.
00:58:34Now, Desperate, wait till you see this.
00:58:37Now, this is what I call my brand tub of fame.
00:58:41Dip your hand in there, see what you can come out with.
00:58:43Oh, come on, don't be shy.
00:58:51Oh, yes, those are my Lord Mayors of London, 1950 to 78.
00:58:55Semprini.
00:58:56Oh, band leaders of the golden era.
00:58:59Billy Cotton.
00:59:00Wanky, wanky.
00:59:02Now, look at this one.
00:59:05Leading politicians of our time.
00:59:08William Whitelaw.
00:59:11J. Enoch Powell, MBE.
00:59:14And the Right Honourable Margaret Thatcher.
00:59:19Now, come on, have an I go.
00:59:20No, look, Alan, I'm sorry, I've got to go.
00:59:22Why?
00:59:23My wife will be expecting me.
00:59:26Oh.
00:59:28All right.
00:59:29Would you like to pass your bars up this end, please?
00:59:31All right.
00:59:33I don't think I could manage any more.
00:59:35A little stack.
00:59:38How's your glass, Caroline?
00:59:40Oh, yeah.
00:59:43We'll drink that in later.
00:59:46Shut some in there.
00:59:47Shut some in there, old Charles.
00:59:47Shut some in there.
00:59:49Oh, you seem to have got the biggest glass.
00:59:53Right, Nigel.
00:59:53Yeah.
00:59:54Fantastic.
00:59:55Are you so capable?
00:59:57It really is.
00:59:58I'm really impressed, actually.
01:00:00You are.
01:00:00Charles needs someone to look after you.
01:00:02It's incredible.
01:00:03Why?
01:00:03Right.
01:00:03Well, you've got the perfect nanny, haven't you?
01:00:05It's exactly what you need.
01:00:06Someone to keep you in all.
01:00:16Bloody Oxford, now you've got a lot of stuff.
01:00:18Can I help?
01:00:20God, you really bring out the worst in me.
01:00:24Sorry.
01:00:27Is it all right, Desmond?
01:00:29Where do you want them?
01:00:30Just put the white cap further on your knee.
01:00:34Oh.
01:00:35Now, I'm going to count up to three.
01:00:37And after two, I'll just do that.
01:00:39So you just get their attention.
01:00:42Off you go, Desmond.
01:00:43One.
01:00:46Two.
01:00:50They've done it again, Desmond.
01:00:52Shall they have, Alan?
01:00:54I can't wait.
01:00:57Oh, that.
01:00:58Oh, God, Nigel.
01:01:00That looks absolutely wild.
01:01:04Looks all right, doesn't it?
01:01:06Oh, look, it's even got its socks on.
01:01:08Yeah, what are those things for?
01:01:10They're for decoration.
01:01:11You don't eat them, Charles.
01:01:12Get some wine, please, Charles.
01:01:14Try it.
01:01:15Oh, yeah.
01:01:18Oh, God.
01:01:19Now, what's all that yucca and mucca in the middle, Nigel?
01:01:22It's the stuffing, Charles.
01:01:23Oh, yeah.
01:01:23Great.
01:01:24What's it made of?
01:01:25It's apricots and prunes.
01:01:27We shall have fun tomorrow.
01:01:30Shall we?
01:01:31They've been doing this with us.
01:01:32Oh, my goodness.
01:01:33Oh, yeah.
01:01:34That's good.
01:01:35We need it with our fingers.
01:01:36I hope it's not too overdone.
01:01:37What is in the back, Karen?
01:01:38The giant blushing is incredible.
01:01:40It looks terrible, terrible.
01:01:42I'll leave you with that.
01:01:43Okay, thank you very much.
01:01:44Oh, what a piece of meat.
01:01:45Mm-hmm.
01:01:46Okay.
01:01:48Right.
01:01:49Nigel, why don't I look after the girls for the vegetables?
01:01:51Please, thank you, Anthony.
01:01:52Yeah, help yourself to peas and carrots and stuff.
01:01:54Right.
01:01:55There you go.
01:01:56Some peas?
01:01:57Yeah.
01:01:58Peas.
01:01:58All right?
01:01:59Thanks, sir.
01:02:01Oh, hurry up, Nigel.
01:02:01I'm starving.
01:02:03Oh, all right.
01:02:10That place.
01:02:13Well, before we tuck into this magnificent spread, I'd like to propose a toast to the cook.
01:02:17Nigel, this is a marvellous effort.
01:02:19Yeah, well done.
01:02:21Very great.
01:02:21Very good, Nigel.
01:02:22Well done.
01:02:23We shall have a toast to the guests, don't you, Giles?
01:02:25Absolutely.
01:02:27Here's to you lot.
01:02:29Thank you, the guests.
01:02:33How about a toast to my ma?
01:02:35Your mother?
01:02:36An apple.
01:02:37Oh, but she's done the apple crumble.
01:02:39Oh, great.
01:02:40Well, Mrs. Bean.
01:02:41One toast for Mrs. Bean for providing the apple crumble, which we have yet to provide.
01:02:46Mrs. Bean.
01:02:47Mommy.
01:02:52Oh, will you give me your autograph before you go, Desmond?
01:02:55What?
01:02:55Sign your name on the dotted line.
01:02:57My name?
01:02:58Yes, please.
01:03:01Feel free to drop round at any time you like, Desmond.
01:03:04Bring the contacts around in a couple of days.
01:03:06Yeah.
01:03:08Come on.
01:03:11Come on.
01:03:23Come on.
01:03:34Oh, my God.
01:03:50Are you cold?
01:03:53Not in the slightest.
01:03:56We are still friends, aren't we?
01:03:58I really don't know.
01:04:04How's the crumble?
01:04:06Oh, it's just coming.
01:04:10I like your little mole.
01:04:12Careful, he bites.
01:04:17Here we are.
01:04:21How about that?
01:04:23Come on, Giles.
01:04:25Sorry.
01:04:27Oh, no, don't you move, Caroline.
01:04:36Now, the seating's all wrong.
01:04:37Never mind. It really doesn't match them.
01:04:39Serve up the crumble, Nigel.
01:04:42Don't mind me sitting next to you, Caroline.
01:04:44No, not at all.
01:04:52Samantha?
01:04:54Yeah, please.
01:04:56My ma makes the best apple crumble in the whole world.
01:04:59I'll smash the cream, please, Giles.
01:05:01Sorry.
01:05:03Come on.
01:05:05How do you manage?
01:05:07Yeah, you can go.
01:05:13I didn't take it all around, didn't I?
01:05:43You want another brandy, Caroline?
01:05:45No, thanks. I've still got some coffee.
01:06:05Everyone seems to have gone to the loo.
01:06:08Here.
01:06:11Jolly good evening.
01:06:14Here.
01:06:18Old Anthony's a hell of a laugh, isn't he?
01:06:20Should see him in the office.
01:06:22God!
01:06:22What?
01:06:30How are you getting home?
01:06:34Oh, yeah, I'd give you a lift for my car's in dock.
01:06:39Something wrong with the starter motor.
01:06:44Hello.
01:06:45Hello.
01:06:47Hello, Caroline.
01:06:49Oh, sorry, Nigel.
01:06:50Please have no luck.
01:06:51Don't mistake.
01:06:55Long live punk.
01:06:58Come on, Caroline.
01:07:00It's way past your bedtime.
01:07:04Giles?
01:07:05Yeah?
01:07:05I'll take the dishes and meet you with the plates.
01:07:10Many thanks, Nigel.
01:07:12I'll give you another one.
01:07:14Come on, girls.
01:07:18Bye, Giles.
01:07:19Bye.
01:07:20Bye.
01:07:20Bye, Nigel.
01:07:21Thank you very much.
01:07:22Have a good evening.
01:07:27That's quite all right.
01:07:30Yeah.
01:07:34Well, you'll have to cover for me if I'm late.
01:07:38I'll give you a ring.
01:07:40I'll give you a ring.
01:07:41Bye, guys.
01:07:42Bye, then.
01:07:43I'll give you another one.
01:08:00Oh, my God.
01:08:01I'm surprised to see you this morning.
01:08:03A bit wreck-ass last night, aren't I?
01:08:04Yeah, it was good fun.
01:08:05Many thanks, Captain.
01:08:06Oh, bloody good party, yeah.
01:08:07Oh, I enjoyed it. I wish I hadn't got so tight.
01:08:10She's a funny girl, Samantha, isn't she?
01:08:13She's got a lot of pluck. Give her that.
01:08:15Oh, I couldn't make her out at all.
01:08:18I must give Nigel a ring sometime.
01:08:20Yeah.
01:08:20Because it wasn't a good spread he put on, wasn't it?
01:08:23Yeah. See you at lunch.
01:08:24You bet.
01:08:34Have you ever been down to Manor Park House, huh?
01:08:37No, Kevin.
01:08:39Oh, I went down on Sunday with my sister and brother-in-law and the kid.
01:08:43It was a nice day out.
01:08:45Who is it who lives there, Kevin?
01:08:48Oh, well, no one now. It's open to the public.
01:08:50Oh, of course.
01:08:51Used to belong to Frederick Fotherington Farquhar.
01:08:55Oh, yes, yes.
01:08:56Lovely place to take a kiddie.
01:08:58Well, he was a very rich man, Kevin.
01:09:01Well, no, not really. He lost all his money, didn't he?
01:09:03Of course.
01:09:04In the slum.
01:09:06Oh, the thirties were a very bad time for everyone, Kevin.
01:09:10Oh, yeah.
01:09:11Of course, he died in 1896.
01:09:17Terrible tragedy about his wife, wasn't it?
01:09:20Yes.
01:09:21Yeah, she learned to cope.
01:09:23She was a very courageous woman, Kevin.
01:09:25Courageous?
01:09:26I don't think that's a word they would have used to describe her at the time.
01:09:31Traverse, perhaps, not courageous.
01:09:34Strange-looking woman, wasn't she?
01:09:36Oh, unusual.
01:09:39In the main drawing room, above the fireplace, is a plaque, and it says, dedicated to the memory of Judge
01:09:50Frederick Fotherington Farquhar and his great friend, Judge Frederick Fotherington Farquhar, who, on this very spot, were nicked for trying
01:10:01each other.
01:10:07You dirty tyke.
01:10:10Oop.
01:10:18Oop.
01:10:23Oop.
01:10:24Oop.
01:10:25Oop.
01:10:25Oop.
01:10:25Oop.
01:10:48Oop.
01:10:48Oop.
01:10:49Oop.
01:10:52Oop.
01:11:00Oop.
01:11:06Oop.
01:11:08Oop.
01:11:10Oop.
01:11:10Oop.
01:11:10Oop.
01:11:10Oop.
01:11:10Oop.
01:11:11Oop.
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