The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 1

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Transcript

00:01This is weird because we haven't met but I'm just gonna say out loud. I'm obsessed by you

00:08Everybody this is Chris. Say hello. Hi

00:11Chris does this extraordinary thing on social where he talks to birds who was the naughtiest bird this week spud

00:24Where does fun sleep in her avery, okay

00:31I'm so nervous. I just need me to touch people

00:38Hello, oh, I'm gonna do this with everybody

01:06We are incredibly grateful we hope you like the colorway and approve of the carpet to be honest

01:12It is too late if you loathe we have an amazing audience and it's now time to welcome our brilliant

01:19guests

01:19He is a triple threat comedian presenter author. He's got a new book called common decency. It's Tom Allen

01:38I've been nominated for 11 Grammys and she's currently in the West End production of the Devil Wears Prada. It's

01:45Vanessa Williams

01:53She is the writer and star of absolutely fabulous and national treasure and she's here to talk about her new

02:00film the magic faraway tree

02:02It's Jennifer Saunders

02:10And we have got Hollywood royalty

02:14He starred in everything from Jurassic Park to the Grand Budapest Hotel

02:18He's also a musician and has a new album out. It's the wonderful Wizard of Oz himself Jeff Goldblum

02:40Thank you so much have a seat this is I can't believe it. Thank you for coming on the first

02:47and possibly lost

02:49No, it won't be

02:50We're going to enjoy ourselves. We'll end with the conga

02:54Imagine you said you said it's the last show. I'll be cut to in a blink of an eye

02:5930 years from now the longest running show ever

03:09I'm going to start with this. How do you feel about the set? I think it's stunning

03:15I'm loving I'm like I like the height

03:18Yeah, go ahead because and I like the back being here being close to the actual back. Yes, you know,

03:24they don't have back. Oh, I'm so sorry

03:30I'm basically on a buffet

03:32Actually, or my parents used to have a buffet and then when I came out they suddenly changed it to

03:38the footstool

03:45Yeah

03:48Voyage, right? It's all all new. I would call this a hunter green possibly. Yes, correct. Very manly kind of

03:56British screen. Yes hunter. Would you call emerald green dark teal?

04:02Would you dark white teal?

04:05Would you like to meet the woman who chose the color of the sofa? Here's the scene we go to

04:11a basement

04:12It's sort of sofa workshop. Oh, yeah, we all go as a gang. We meet a woman called Trudy

04:19We couldn't decide between two colors Trudy's here Trudy

04:31You you chose this color did you not it was really shows the color amongst 70 other options

04:41and

04:41We designed and made the sofa that it goes on. Wow. Well done Trudy

04:46What would you call this color, please? I would call it a very dark

04:51teal

04:56I do think as well you guys who work in furniture shops are great

05:01It's not a furniture shop. Oh, I beg your pardon

05:06It's a

05:07It's a

05:08It's a

05:09It's a

05:09It's a Boutique. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoke

05:12You don't get this with what you've got

05:16Oh, okay

05:17Trudy I'm sorry I wish I was dead. Trudy

05:19I wish I was dead

05:21I love

05:22I mean, this is what I live for as a gay man being insulted by an upholsterer

05:30The last time I bought any furniture though I went in to buy a mattress and I walked into the

05:35shop and the woman said hi

05:36I'm Faye and I went oh my god

05:37So am I

05:40Good mattress a deep one I hope

05:42You know what buying a mattress is complicated

05:45Have you ever bought one? I bet you've not bought one. You're a Hollywood star. You don't buy furniture

05:51You have to buy a mattress for a lifetime

05:53Yeah, that's what they say always invest in a good bed or good shoes

05:56Yeah, because if you're not in one you're in the other

05:59Love that

06:00Love that

06:00You can have that

06:01And we went in then she was like and she said you gotta lie on it lie on the bed

06:06lie on it

06:06Like they put down that plastic sheet as though it's gonna be so comfortable I'm gonna immediately piss myself

06:12So I'm sliding all over the place and and then she gets on the bed next to me

06:17What?

06:18I know and then she said a cuddle

06:19Basically and then she said how do you sleep which sounds sort of accusatory

06:24Something you shout to people in court is that how do you sleep?

06:27And I said well, I don't know I'm usually asleep and she said well are you supported?

06:31I said I've got some very good friends

06:36And then before I went she said and and do you have nightstands?

06:40And I said well that is absolutely none of your business

06:47That's what I think

06:51Explain that joke to me because

06:52You sound like my audience

06:55I think it's a British

06:56It's gonna be a long night guys

06:57The double meaning of that of course it's a nightstand next to the bed the piece of furniture Trudy

07:00Yeah

07:01But is nightstand because I think it's a Britishism is the double entendre which is French for fish of the

07:06day I think

07:09Is a nightstand is that is that like a like a one-night encounter?

07:14A one-night encounter

07:15We don't say that in America

07:17No?

07:17I've never said a nightstand

07:18I thought you just meant an erection

07:20I don't I

07:22Do you know what? I thought of many things this way it was gonna go

07:26I didn't think we'd be here with three minutes

07:28Not so quickly not so quickly

07:29Not so fast

07:30But yeah

07:31Okay, you two Vanessa

07:33Jennifer

07:33You are linked by hairdresser

07:36Yes

07:36By hair

07:37Sven

07:40There's a battle tonight because Sven does both of us

07:44You booked him first

07:45Well, babes

07:46Mm-hmm

07:47He's got a lot more work to do

07:50It started this morning

07:53He's very creative

07:54I haven't known Sven that long

07:56Oh six years

07:57I got you

07:57Oh babes darling

07:58I miss those days talking about a hairdresser

08:01I miss those days

08:02Lovely

08:03Jeff, I would love to talk to you about your album

08:08Look at this

08:08Isn't that beautiful?

08:10Thank you

08:11Thank you

08:15Isn't that beautiful?

08:17Do you think so?

08:18Well, Fontana, you know

08:19Are great

08:20And my

08:21The people, my friends helped me do that

08:24The graphics of it, I do like it

08:26Night Blooms is the name of it

08:28It's a kind of a companion piece to our other

08:30Our other fourth album

08:31Yes

08:31Which was still blooming

08:32You get the connection

08:33Love it

08:34And

08:36I love this album very much

08:38It's jazz

08:39You know, we play jazz

08:40We're called Jeff Goldblum

08:41The Mildred Schnitzer Orchestra

08:42And just to name a few

08:43So you have

08:44How many in the orchestra?

08:46Five

08:47Two? Oh

08:47It was a joke

08:48I made a joke

08:49But last year

08:50The BAFTAs

08:51I had the honour of playing during the in memoriam section

08:55Oh

08:55I played on the piano with their orchestra

08:58You sung

08:59You must remember

09:00As Time Goes By

09:01Oh, I thought it was

09:02Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

09:06Don't even

09:07No, that's macabre

09:09No, it was

09:10It was

09:11You know

09:12It was As Time Goes By

09:13That beautiful song

09:14And we liked it so much

09:16That on this next album

09:17I sing a little bit of it

09:18And I play some more

09:19And there's an orchestra on this one

09:21Which brings me

09:22By the way

09:23You may

09:23You brought

09:24You triggered something else in me just now

09:25This is lovely

09:26Um

09:27Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

09:28Cynthia Erivo

09:30The great Cynthia Erivo

09:31Amazing

09:31And I

09:32On this next album

09:33With strings

09:34And a big band

09:35Do a new fangled version of

09:38If I only had a brain

09:39Oh

09:41What a beautiful

09:41Now you follow me the hour

09:43You're burning with the flowers

09:45Yeah

09:45So

09:47And many other surprises

09:48But

09:48But thank you for bringing it up

09:50I'm very crazy about this album

09:51We have a clip of you playing

09:53Not a song from this album

09:54But I believe the last one

09:56But it's fantastic

09:56Have a look

09:57OK

10:21Isn't it lovely?

10:23I like that

10:23It's so lovely

10:26You see?

10:28I tell you what

10:29I love it

10:31You were

10:32You played when you were young

10:34I love this story

10:34I don't know if it's true

10:35And you used to phone restaurants

10:37Just saying

10:37I hear you need a pianist

10:39Can you imagine

10:40When you were really

10:40Like 15?

10:41I was sorta

10:42I had some moxie

10:43Or something like that

10:44And I was full of beans

10:45And even though around 10 years old

10:47After my dad said

10:48If you find something you love to do

10:49That may be a vocational

10:51Guidepost

10:51And I'd set my heart to an acting career

10:55But around the same time

10:56I was taking

10:57And had fallen in love with jazz

10:58And the piano

10:59And I thought I was being clever

11:01And looked at the phone book

11:02And called cocktail lounges

11:04Around Pittsburgh

11:04I was 15 I think at that point

11:06And said

11:07Hey I hear you need a pianist

11:08They'd said

11:09We don't know what you're talking about

11:10Who's this?

11:11You're like never mind

11:12But a couple of people said

11:13We have a piano

11:14Come over and play it

11:15I got a couple of gigs that way

11:17And my parents would drive me to the thing

11:18And I started to play

11:19It's almost the seed of what this has become

11:22Yeah

11:22Like that

11:23You know

11:24Exactly

11:27Um

11:28I have become slightly obsessed

11:30With your wife

11:31Because she

11:32Sometimes

11:34Performs with you

11:35We have a clip

11:36She's spectacular

11:37Here we go

11:38She's spectacular

11:39This is Emily

11:40That's Emily

11:43Isn't she amazing?

11:45She's

11:45She was in the Olympics

11:48She

11:48Emily Goldblum

11:50For heaven's sakes

11:51Whom I met at the gym

11:5214 years ago

11:53She was doing something like that

11:55I went away

11:56And said

11:56What are you doing?

11:57Look at that

11:57That's at the world famous

11:58I don't think anyone's listening to you

12:00Yeah

12:02Good point

12:03That's at the Troubadour

12:04You know the Troubadour

12:04Yes

12:06We performed

12:06We did three sold out

12:07She's amazing

12:09We did three sold out shows there

12:11And Emily

12:13Who was in the Olympics

12:13Doing rhythmic gymnastics

12:15She was

12:16That year that she went to Sydney

12:17And did that

12:18She was the Pan-American champion

12:20She was the best of that

12:21In North South America

12:23She's fantastic

12:24She's still a world-class athlete

12:25As you can see

12:26She's doing that

12:27She's amazing

12:27We did that

12:28A month ago

12:29At the Troubadour

12:31Anyway

12:32That's Emily

12:32It's just like looking at me at home

12:36How do you compete with that?

12:38You know when you go home

12:39And one of you says

12:40I'll put some toast in

12:41And does four cartwheels

12:42And puts it in with her toes

12:44She does

12:45Every move is quite a picture

12:47I bet

12:49She's astounding

12:50But yes

12:50But you can also do something rather wonderful

12:53Well I do this

12:54Buckle up guys

12:54It's not an Olympic activity yet

12:56Buckle up guys

12:56I can wiggle my ears

12:58But one at a time

13:00Watch

13:01Watch

13:02This

13:02Ready?

13:05Oh my goodness

13:06That's right

13:07That's right

13:09Oh

13:11I apologise

13:12Unbelievable

13:13I apologise

13:15Jeff you've starred obviously

13:17In Oscar nominated Wicked

13:18The biggest musical film

13:20In recent memory

13:21Yes

13:22Oh yeah

13:24And

13:25This is my favourite thing

13:26I don't know whether this is true

13:28But please say it is

13:29That occasionally

13:30You would look down the lens

13:32And speak directly to the editor

13:34And say

13:35I like that take

13:36Or is that true?

13:37Yes I would do takes

13:38I was trying to do a good job

13:39And sometimes

13:40As was my want to do

13:42I think is the phrase

13:44I would after a take

13:45I would go

13:46And he would go

13:47And cut

13:48Okay

13:50Jeff says

13:51Myron Karstein

13:51That's

13:52That's

13:53I say

13:53That's a good one

13:54Just so you know

13:55Our editor is called Steve

13:56He's happy with any notes you have

13:59That's your camera

14:00Over there

14:02If you said something

14:03That you're particularly proud of

14:04Steve

14:04You just say Steve

14:05Yes

14:05I think I've been lively tonight Steve

14:08And I say

14:09Any

14:10Any genuine moment

14:11That especially

14:12I like the spontaneous ones

14:14Yes

14:14Where there's a real connection

14:16Which I've felt strongly

14:17With us

14:18So I say

14:19So far anything is

14:20Good for the show

14:21Fine

14:22Thank you

14:22Steve will take that

14:24Good Steve

14:25I trust you completely

14:27Steve

14:27We all trust Steve

14:29Um

14:30You are going on tour

14:31Yes ma'am

14:32You're going to start in Wolverhampton

14:33Oh

14:34I love the Hamptons

14:36Oh

14:37I'm starting in the Hamptons

14:38I haven't even

14:39Wikipedia

14:40You know this was all arranged

14:41You know

14:43You know

14:43For us

14:44I don't

14:45I don't know anything about

14:46How many towns are you doing

14:48We're doing a bunch

14:49They're doing a few

14:49You know we've been to Glastonbury

14:51And several

14:52You know the last several years

14:53And Ronnie Scott's

14:53We played all over the place

14:55Would you like to know more

14:56About Wolverhampton

14:57Maybe the eateries you should go to

14:59If there's a statue

15:00A small aquarium

15:02I believe Corey is here

15:03Hello

15:04Hi Corey

15:05Hello

15:06You've been to Wolverhampton

15:07I am from Wolverhampton

15:09OK

15:09So Geoff's there for a couple of days

15:11Let's give him a full schedule

15:12I'd like it laminated

15:14Where should he go?

15:15Geoff what you should do

15:17Is you should get off the train in Wolverhampton

15:19Immediately get back on

15:21And leave Wolverhampton

15:22No!

15:24No!

15:26No!

15:27No!

15:27Where is it?

15:28No!

15:28Where is it?

15:28I have no idea

15:30Yes it is

15:31Not far

15:31Couple of hours

15:32Is there somewhere delicious?

15:34No it's great

15:35Wolverhampton's absolutely great

15:36We have

15:37We have a Nando's

15:38A what?

15:39A Nando's

15:40It's a chicken restaurant

15:41It's a chicken place

15:42But being on tour

15:43There's always something to do

15:44Well yes

15:45I love going round

15:47Britain on tour

15:48Always a little museum

15:50There's a pencil museum

15:51Yes

15:52Yes

15:53Very interested in pencils

15:54What do you mean?

15:56I love pencils

15:57There's a lot of shop mannequins

15:58Dressed up

15:59What's your pencil of choice

16:01What is it?

16:02I used to

16:03Once I go to

16:04My criminal period

16:05When I was

16:07Eight or nine

16:08Fine

16:08I stole

16:09Yeah

16:10Other kids pencils

16:11We had those desks

16:12That went like that

16:12Yes

16:13You know when everybody was going out in a line

16:14I'd be the last one

16:15And I'd wait behind

16:16And I'd open up desks

16:18And I'd steal their pencils

16:19I hoarded

16:21And collected pencils

16:22Until one day somebody went

16:23Geoffrey has all our pencils

16:25And then it was very embarrassing

16:27And I'm cured

16:28I'm a very honest

16:29Honest

16:30No stealing

16:31Because the way your face lit up

16:33At the sound of a pencil museum

16:34A pencil

16:35I hope there is a pencil museum now

16:37I've said it

16:38But do you like a classic HB?

16:40Do you like ones that you can

16:41Oh

16:42No, I don't like a mechanical pencil

16:44I apologise

16:44I'm very particular with my ballpoint pen

16:47Can I throw this into the mix?

16:49Because this is going to blow your mind

16:52There is a woman here

16:53In this room

16:55Who designs

16:56Pencils

16:57No way

16:58Correct

16:59I'm getting goosebumps

17:00I'm telling you

17:01You're getting goosebumps?

17:02Yes

17:03Designed pencils

17:05So

17:05Amy

17:06Are you here?

17:07Amy, tell me what you do

17:10With pencils

17:11And

17:11Stationery all round

17:13So

17:14I develop new types

17:16Of pencils

17:16Develop new types of pencils

17:19Do you

17:20Because we don't want to upset him

17:21Because he's our very special guest

17:23Do you

17:23Do the

17:25Pencils?

17:26We have one

17:27Yes

17:27Well, I'm open-minded

17:28But I don't like them

17:32What's the best thing

17:33If that's not too much pressure

17:35That you have ever designed

17:36So

17:37Our

17:37Best pencil

17:39Is the drawing pencil

17:40Which has the

17:42Creamiest

17:43Oh, it's creamy

17:44It's the creamiest pencil

17:45And has the widest core

17:47Does that mean

17:48The lead that goes through it?

17:50Yes

17:51Is there a pencil museum?

17:53Because I'm

17:53Did I make it up?

17:54There is

17:54It's in the Lake District

17:55Lake District

17:56Are you going to the Lake District?

17:58We am now

18:01I'm going

18:01Amazing

18:02You have to

18:03You're definitely going

18:04Thank you Amy

18:05How brilliant that you're here

18:07Let's have a round of applause for Amy

18:08Oh

18:09I know

18:10Can I say

18:11You know what you reminded me of the other

18:12The touring around England in plays

18:15You all know that play I'm sure

18:17The dresser

18:19Oh yes

18:19Lovely play

18:21Great

18:21Courtney did it

18:23Yeah

18:23And then Anthony Hopkins and Ian McKellen

18:25Redid it in a remake

18:27Ian McKellen made me eggs

18:28What?

18:30Scramble

18:32Scramble

18:32Little salmon on the side

18:35Yes

18:35Toast

18:36Toast

18:37Lovely

18:39Sit down

18:40Did you get a sit

18:41No sit down

18:41Sit down

18:42Barstool or chair

18:43Barstool or chair

18:44Barstool or chair

18:44And a proper

18:45Proper dining table

18:47Just the two of you

18:48Just the two

18:49No no no it was a group of people

18:50Gosh did you do all the eggs at once

18:51Or did you do them personally

18:53Personally

18:54Personally

18:54That's very bespoke

18:56Bespoke

18:56I love that

18:57Personally

18:57I tell you

18:58That's how you get the night

18:59I had scrambled eggs and smoked salmon this morning

19:03Oh

19:04Thanks

19:05Guys

19:06About two hours ago

19:07We started talking about night blooms

19:09And I would just like to lift this up and say

19:11When is it out?

19:13June 5th

19:14There we go

19:15Wow

19:15Night blooms

19:18Brilliant

19:18Jeff

19:19No you are amazing

19:22Jennifer we have to talk about your film

19:25The Magic Far Away

19:26Well you are saying my film

19:27I'm in the film

19:28No it's your film

19:30Okay

19:30Let's have a clip

19:31It's just like you said

19:33It's enchanted and wonderful

19:35Dad and I just felt like a place like this

19:37Will bring us all back together again

19:39Grandma

19:40I will get them back to the city if it is the last thing I do

19:43Sorry guys

19:45Better start pecking

19:48You wish to cross the lands

19:49To locate a spell

19:51To save your house from your evil grandma

19:55We know all of this

19:57You know all that because we just told you it

19:59Alright no need to get shirty

20:05Jennifer

20:05Oh

20:07It's just a lovely film

20:09How much fun was it to me?

20:11Just so much fun

20:13Gone

20:13A great wig

20:14A really good wig

20:17Don't we just have a look at Frida

20:18Oh my god

20:19Look at this

20:20Look at this wig

20:20Look at this

20:21There she is

20:22That's the hair I want

20:24I love the fact that we're flapping

20:25I want that hair

20:26I mean nothing

20:28No

20:28See nothing

20:29It's so thick and it just stays in that shape

20:32I love it because now

20:34You see this is Sven

20:35Most of this is

20:36There's a

20:36Most of a sort of a nun's hair has been woven into

20:40In sort of extensions that are

20:42You know nuns sell their hair and they get made into extensions

20:45They do

20:48Do they really?

20:50Yeah

20:50Do they sell what for money?

20:51Nuns sell their hair don't they?

20:53Thank you

20:54I'm just agreeing because it's Jennifer

20:55Whatever she said

20:58But I love the accent

20:59I love everything about Frida

21:01How did she

21:02How was she created?

21:03Because I thought it was a small part

21:05I wouldn't have to do very much

21:06And but they said

21:07Will you come in for rehearsal?

21:08And I went

21:08Yeah of course

21:09And it was with Andrew Garfield and Claire Foy

21:11And the children

21:12And I thought

21:13This is great

21:15This is big time you know

21:16Because you've sort of been grappled into this big movie

21:19And I thought I better I better try hard

21:23But I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth

21:26When I first opened my mouth

21:28And I thought you know I might go a little bit Danish

21:30Because I can make

21:33Because I can make the Danish noises

21:35Do you know the tick and the duck and the bada bada

21:38It's almost fluent

21:39Yes

21:44So I put a little inflection of Danish into when I read the part

21:49And when we'd finished they went

21:51We love the German

21:51And I went

21:54No

21:54I said it was sort of more

21:56No German's good

21:57German's good

21:58I thought

21:58Damn

21:58I had to do the whole

22:00I had to learn a German accent then

22:01And do the whole thing in German

22:03But it gave me the character

22:04Yes

22:05It was lovely

22:06So lovely

22:07You guys are so good at accents

22:08The preparedness that you've been given in schools is amazing

22:13And you have to show up for

22:15You say what?

22:16I'm not training

22:17You're not training

22:19You're not training

22:19It's extraordinary

22:20I mean they can throw on an American accent immediately

22:23And like refine it so it's Midwestern

22:26There's a New York

22:26What period time period is

22:28But also do all these other ones

22:29It's really

22:30I'm very impressed

22:31I admire that

22:32Terrifically too

22:33I admire it

22:34Terrifically

22:34You're a great artist

22:34I'm a very good artist

22:36You are

22:37Can you do a London accent?

22:40Not really

22:41What's that?

22:43Wow

22:47I want to talk more about the film because the location is so beautiful

22:50Tell me you were somewhere lovely

22:53We were in a very lovely part of the countryside

22:55Yeah

22:56And near a wood

22:59Near a wood

23:00Because it is called the magic far away tree

23:01It is about a tree that's magic and very far away

23:04You don't know where it was do you?

23:06I don't know where it was

23:07I think it was in a studio but there we are

23:10Never mind

23:12Very lovely

23:14There is somebody here because I believe you also have a place in the countryside

23:18Yes

23:18There is somebody who lives I think in your neck of the woods

23:21Oh gosh

23:22Is that scary?

23:23Slightly

23:25Go on

23:26They do something rather magical

23:27Is it my hood?

23:28In my hood

23:28I believe it is in your hood

23:31Okay

23:31Anna, hello

23:33What have you done this week?

23:34So my neighbours and I have been helping toads cross the road

23:37To prevent them getting squashed by the cars as they're migrating to their pond

23:40Wow

23:41To breed

23:42And we've had

23:43I think we've helped about a thousand toads in the last few weeks

23:46Wow

23:46A thousand toads

23:47Wow

23:47A thousand toads

23:49A thousand toads

23:52Wow

23:53Are you

23:54Are you

23:56Is it like directing?

23:58Like

23:58Like signs?

23:59No signposts

24:01No signposts

24:01So I have my head torch and my gloves and a bucket

24:04And we pick them up off the road

24:06We put them in the bucket

24:07And we help them to get to the gate near the pond

24:10So they're not going to be on the road

24:12Have you thought about building

24:13I don't know

24:14A tunnel?

24:16Do they say

24:18Do they say

24:18I know this is a word question

24:19But I've committed to it

24:20Do they say thank you?

24:23No, but they have the most beautiful little chirping sound

24:26You can hear them when it's a really quiet evening

24:29You can hear them kind of chirping, chirping, chirping in the pond

24:32Oh

24:32And they're really amazing

24:33They're very sweet

24:33Very, very good

24:35Hey

24:40Do you know the end of that P.T. Anderson movie who did this year's One Battle After Another

24:44Oh

24:45Yeah, I know

24:46Yeah, of course

24:47Magnolia

24:48Magnolia

24:49Where all the toads or frogs, you know, come and fall from the sky

24:53Spoiler alert, Jeff

24:53Spoiler alert

24:54That happens right at the end

24:56Steve, Steve, if you feel cut that into

24:58Cut into this segment

25:00I love it

25:04If you could save one animal

25:07Oh

25:07What would it have been?

25:08I would save a horse

25:09Would you?

25:11Yes

25:11Well, I'd need the hair for my extensions

25:12I'd have to be chopping off

25:15Yes, I think for the hair

25:17For the hooves

25:18Yeah

25:19For the mental health

25:24What would you say, Tom?

25:26You know what?

25:27None of them

25:27I think

25:29You know, people say, oh, it's so relaxing to go and spend time in nature

25:33But you look closely, all they're doing is eating each other

25:37It's disgusting

25:38You watch those David Attenborough films

25:40Horrifying

25:41People love it, don't they?

25:43Put it on while they're having their tea

25:44A lion ripping a gazelle to shreds

25:48You know, they fall asleep while they're watching a dolphin drown a whale

25:54Horrible

25:55Why would you save any of them?

25:56I think the sooner we get rid of them

25:58The better

26:03I just think, you know

26:05Yeah, yeah

26:06It's a different view

26:07That's, and I think that's what this show is about

26:09Correct

26:11It's very, it's like question time, but for drunk celebrities

26:18Okay, Jennifer, when can we see The Magic Faraway Tree?

26:21I think it's out on March the 27th

26:24Correct

26:24Yes

26:25We can't wait, we'll all go

26:27A blue curtain

26:32Vanessa, I have to talk to you about The Devil Wears Prada

26:35I went on Friday, every seat is full and they are screaming

26:39And when you come up, the most beautiful thing, people are like

26:43I was sitting next to somebody who was like in tears, screaming, standing up, it's a thing

26:49It's like a rock concert

26:51Yeah

26:51Describe the show just for anyone who doesn't know

26:53Well, there's a young girl named Andy Sachs, who is a journalist, based on a true story

26:58And she lives in New York, she applies for a job at Runway Magazine, which is a very famous fashion

27:06magazine, aka Vogue

27:09And she has no idea who Miranda Priestly is, nor her reputation

27:13And she gets the job as the assistant

27:15And now they're doing a sequel to the movie

27:17I know

27:18So who knows what's going to happen

27:20Wow

27:20There's much excitement

27:22Let's have a clip of The Devil Wears Prada style

27:26Oh my god

27:27What if I don't want this life?

27:29Everybody wants to be us

27:32The Devil Wears Prada

27:38The Devil Wears Prada

27:41The Devil Wears Prada

27:42The Devil Wears Prada

27:47That's all

27:54What a fun role to play

27:56You must love it

27:57It's fun, I can show up and be in a bad mood and not care because I can just be

28:02miserable the whole time

28:03Yeah

28:04And it doesn't matter, it just makes the world better

28:06But, you know, I have to say, it's... I love this country and I got a chance to meet the

28:12king

28:12Like, you know, I've done things not just as a tourist and not just as a working actor

28:18But these extraordinary experiences, you know, I did the Royal Variety Show

28:22I mean, it's been... it's been heaven

28:25How much fun was it working with Elton?

28:27Oh my god

28:28I mean, not only is he a legend and, you know, growing up listening to his music and going to

28:33his house in Windsor

28:34Stop

28:35Again, another opportunity that, you know, a normal tourist would never get

28:39You know, tons of fresh...

28:42Oh, I don't know

28:45You are living the life

28:47He's so honest, that's what I love about him, he's so frank

28:50And the first time I met him, we were doing the workshop in January 2024

28:56And he had just had his first knee surgery

28:58And I walked into the rehearsal room and his sweats were down by his ankles

29:03And he was showing everybody his scar, but all I saw was his bums

29:06And I was like, yeah

29:07OK, good

29:07Yeah, we're going to be friends

29:10What about the dressing rooms?

29:12The difference between Broadway, if you like, and the West End?

29:15On Broadway, you can choose your...

29:17Well, you can choose your paint colour and...

29:19Shut up

29:20Oh, stop

29:21Yeah, yeah, yeah

29:22Dark teal

29:25Trudy

29:25It's a bit of dark teal

29:27Yes

29:27Yeah

29:28Is that coffee?

29:29Mocha?

29:30Mocha?

29:30I don't like colours being called after drinks

29:33That's the...

29:34Well, it's Trudy

29:36Trudy

29:36Hard work, isn't she?

29:38Should we get Trudy?

29:40Trudy

29:41I'm quite frightened of Trudy now

29:42It's not a good, nice cognac

29:43Well, cognac's beautiful to drink, obviously

29:45But, um...

29:47Yeah, we just had an old-fashioned before we came on

29:50Ahhhh

29:51Good job

29:53Good job

29:54Um...

29:55This is what I love, Vanessa

29:56I'm just sharing this with the group

29:58You have something rather special on your rider

29:59Oh

30:00And it is...

30:01A dog

30:02Now, I agree

30:03When you look at Vanessa

30:06Beautiful

30:06Like, sort of...

30:07Absolutely gorgeous

30:08That bone structure

30:09You think small

30:11Little...

30:11Like a powder puff of a dog

30:13On a top of a cushion

30:14Yeah?

30:15Ladies and gentlemen

30:16Meet Roscoe

30:18Yeah!

30:18Oh, wow!

30:20Wow

30:20There he is

30:21Roscoe

30:22Is that a great day?

30:24Beautiful

30:26So beautiful

30:26And he comes to...

30:29Comes every show

30:30Yeah

30:30He's got his giant bed next to my makeup table

30:33Look at him!

30:34He's amazing

30:35Yeah

30:35He's enormous

30:36He's a great Dane?

30:37He's a great Dane

30:38I had a great Dane

30:39What?

30:39Can't remember his name

30:40But, uh...

30:42No, no, no, no

30:44It's a joke

30:45It's a proper joke

30:46What's his name?

30:48Roscoe

30:48Like Roscoe Chicken and Waffles

30:50I love Roscoe Chicken and Waffles

30:51Roscoe Chicken and Waffles

30:52Roscoe Lee Brown

30:52You didn't know Roscoe Lee Brown, did you?

30:54I don't know who he was but it wasn't...

30:56What's going on?

30:57I don't know

30:58I saw Roscoe Lee Brown

30:59I don't know

30:59I saw Roscoe Lee Brown

30:59An Anford Wilson play

31:00I want my ham

31:02I want my ham

31:03Two trains running

31:05I saw Roscoe Lee Brown

31:06Anyway

31:06It does feel sometimes like I'm in a nursing home

31:20There was this talk of this Roscoe fella that nobody knew except you guys knew him very well

31:25Chicken and Waffles and the dog and the bit of the cognac

31:32I am older than I realise

31:35So, to be clear, you have Roscoe, you have Woody, you love your dog

31:39Woody

31:40We have Woody, so we have three dogs

31:41Do you have a dog?

31:42Of course I have a dog

31:44I breastfeed him

31:45And you have a dog

31:45No

31:47No

31:48I do

31:49Tom, you, I believe, you're on the fence regarding a dog

31:53I would love a dog but I worry about having a dog because I'm away a lot

31:56And they're obviously a big responsibility but I would like a dog

31:59Shall we tip the scales?

32:01Yeah, I'd like that

32:02Are you ready to meet a dog?

32:04Oh my God

32:05Please welcome Percy

32:07Oh no

32:11No way

32:12Come on Percy

32:13Come on Percy

32:17This is Heather who owns Percy

32:20Look, how can you not?

32:22I will, I will

32:23What do you think?

32:24I love him

32:25I gave him a biscuit so he's happy

32:28Oh look

32:29Percy loves you

32:30Hang on

32:31I feel like this isn't fair

32:32You've got treats for him

32:33He's never got

32:35Oh, Percy

32:36Would you like a little treat?

32:37Lively

32:37Do you like a little treat?

32:38Come on then

32:39Sit on, this is Tom

32:41No, never

32:41He's more interested in you

32:42This is the story of my life

32:43I mean, it's just yet

32:44God's time to don't

32:45Come on

32:47He's seven

32:48Look, he's taken to you

32:50Look at that

32:50He's taken to you

32:51Oh

32:53Yeah

32:54You'll go and live with me?

32:55You want to come and live with me?

32:57You can have a dog like that

32:58I don't know whether you can take this dog

33:00He's your dog

33:01He's your dog

33:02Okay, he needs to leave

33:03Thank you so much

33:04Thank you Percy

33:05Thank you Heather

33:06Nice to meet you

33:08Hi Percy

33:09You got attached to it already

33:11What do you think?

33:13I mean, I don't think he actually like me that much

33:14Don't take it on lightly

33:16Unless you can commit to a lifelong responsibility

33:19You're right

33:20And I spend a lot of money on furniture

33:22So will they

33:22I don't want them weeing up against it

33:25Thank you so much

33:26So, Vanessa

33:27Devil Wears Prada is on

33:29Until when and where please?

33:32We are at the Dominion Theatre

33:33I am going to be there until October 17th

33:36And the show will run definitely until next year

33:39Okay, good

33:40Thank you

33:47I commit right now to attend every show until you're out of it

33:51I'm going to be at every show

33:52When you're not in Wolverhampton

33:53I've been having a chicken wrap

33:56Tom, you are going to musical theatre

33:59You're about to star in Titanic

34:00Yes

34:01Indeed

34:01And I'm very

34:03There we go

34:04Yeah, that sets sail

34:06It is

34:08Tell us all about it

34:10Well, it is the most extraordinary show

34:12I saw it when it first opened over here

34:14It started in America

34:15It's like the most ridiculous retelling of the film Titanic

34:20And it's as though Celine Dion was actually on board the ship of dreams

34:24And she got drunk

34:25And this is how she remembers the story of Titanic

34:28And it's told through her songs

34:30So Celine Dion is the narrator in the show

34:34So that's kind of bonkers enough as it is

34:35And then added on to that

34:37Is you've got people like me

34:39Who play, you know, Rose, the Kate Winslet character

34:42Her mother is Ruth

34:43Yes

34:43And that's played by me

34:44So

34:46And not really in period dress at all

34:48Just I have an Alice band on with some birds attached to it

34:51Don't ask why, just enjoy it

34:52And it's just such bonkers fun

34:54We're all coming

34:55Well, I think you would all love it

34:57I think there's something about it that's just kind of out of this world

35:00It's just joy

35:00Just joy for a couple of hours

35:02You can't wait

35:03Where's it on?

35:04It's on at the Criterion Theatre

35:06And I'm in it until the 12th of April

35:08But it's booking through until June

35:11We can't wait to sit, thank you

35:12Well, I've got to thank you one person

35:15Please come on

35:18Tom, is it true that your theatre is haunted?

35:22Well, they say there's a man in the circle who sometimes walks across

35:26And I thought I saw him, but it turned out it was just the lighting man

35:30I think there are stories about him

35:32But the more you look for him, I think the less he's going to appear, right?

35:36It's like a husband, isn't it?

35:40Yeah, there's supposed to be one in the Dominion

35:42Her name is Eleanor

35:43She was like ten years old

35:45And there used to be some giant beer vat

35:48Or some kind of brewery in the bottom

35:51And there was an explosion

35:52And beer apparently flooded that whole Tottenham Court area

35:56No

35:56And this was a young girl that died in this flood of beer

36:00And she is a ten-year-old girl

36:04Drunk

36:04Absolute drunk

36:07Stumbling around

36:11The Drury Lane Theatre used to be

36:12Just the bottom half of a man sitting in a seat sometimes

36:16No

36:17Yes

36:18Would you like to chat to somebody who converses with ghosts?

36:22Yes

36:24Maxine

36:24Hello

36:25Hello

36:26What is your advice to Tom?

36:29He's going to be performing, singing

36:32He looks up to the circle

36:33Should he bow?

36:35What happens when you see?

36:36When you see them

36:37I think if you want to see this ghost

36:40You can ask

36:41I mean they they will reveal themselves to you

36:44What do you mean?

36:45Spirits

36:45When you say reveal themselves

36:47As in show

36:49As in show their spirit body

36:52Oh my goodness

36:54Should I be on my own when I ask?

36:57Or

36:57Well I don't think that matters really

36:59Doesn't the ghost of

37:00It doesn't matter

37:00I just think the cleaner is sometimes there so

37:03Great

37:04How brave are you feeling?

37:06Are you happy to see them if they appear in front of you?

37:08Well I suppose

37:09How do you know if they're if they're a malevolent spirit?

37:11Well, you know

37:13You're a good chap

37:14Aren't you?

37:14I mean, generally

37:20You're the kind of person that's not got a good energy yourself

37:24You know, you're you're kind of an evil person

37:26You're acting in

37:27No, he's very charming

37:28No, I know

37:29I know

37:30But if you were

37:31You can then attract beings that aren't so nice

37:34Well, it seems like a lot of pressure now

37:38Will you let us know, please?

37:40Well, I will

37:41But not if it's a bad spirit

37:42It will reflect terribly badly on me

37:44It will be like a parent a parent's evening

37:47Like

37:47I did my best

37:50When was the last time you spoke to a spirit?

37:53Um

37:54Yesterday

37:55I did a reading for somebody and I see them and they talk to me

37:59Wow

38:00Is there anyone here?

38:01I'm not working right now

38:03Well, I think that's the misconception

38:04Oh, I like the way you just clothed on and clothed on

38:07What is that?

38:11Let's hear it for Maxine

38:13Let's hear it for Maxine

38:14Fantastic

38:15Do you like that movie called it right?

38:17It's a union thing

38:18I get it

38:18It's a union thing

38:19It's a union thing

38:20Hey, you know in this life you've turned it to an angle

38:23You know who you look like?

38:24Go on

38:25Go on

38:26Very young handsome John Travolta

38:27Yes

38:28Correct

38:30Correct

38:30Wow

38:31Correct

38:32Until I was just sitting here a moment ago

38:34When you were talking to the spirit lady

38:36Tom

38:37Oh my goodness

38:38And I was possessed by the spirit of John Travolta

38:41Of John Travolta

38:41Since he shaved his head

38:44Tom, you have also written a very brilliant book

38:47Oh

38:48Well

38:48It's a novel

38:49Your first novel

38:50My first novel

38:51Yes

38:51Common decency

38:52Tell us all about it please

38:54Well, I've written two non-fiction books about myself

38:57And this is the first time I've created a world

38:59And some characters to inhabit it

39:02And I wanted to write about suburbia

39:04Because I think it's a sort of boring place that everybody ignores

39:07But actually I've realised that's where all drama happens

39:10But it's about the sort of secrets and lies that exist in our kind of

39:14Otherwise quite mundane life

39:15So I wanted to

39:16I just I like the idea of kind of

39:18Well, I live in suburbia now

39:19I live in Bromley

39:20Which is kind of archetypally suburban

39:21And I like

39:22And I'm on a WhatsApp group

39:23And I've come to love all those trappings of

39:26You know, people on

39:27Do you have a WhatsApp group?

39:28You know, with your neighbours

39:28Oh, where they all like

39:29You know, it's supposed to be to help your neighbours

39:31Oh

39:32But it's just, you know

39:32A load of, you know

39:33Idiots shouting nonsense into the wind

39:36And how often do you

39:37Do you ever post?

39:38No, I just like to watch

39:39The only time I like it

39:40Is when people say they're putting out furniture on their driveway

39:43Something which I like to call street tapas

39:48I love that!

39:50I like

39:50You know

39:53But I like the sort of community aspect of it

39:56I've always enjoyed that kind of thing of it all

39:58I'm loving your face, James

40:00Oh, you love to run over those toads

40:05You've put your foot down

40:08Do you do WhatsApp groups?

40:10I, I, I, WhatsApp groups are the bane of my life

40:14Really?

40:15I can't bear them

40:16Can you like, do you like a WhatsApp group?

40:18I like one of the family

40:19I like this one

40:19Just my family is enough

40:21Yes

40:22But then when they start having private conversations

40:24Within the WhatsApp group

40:25Disgusting

40:26You then get a ping

40:27And it's just a fucking emoji

40:29I just can't bear them

40:32Yeah

40:33Unless it's family

40:34Family is fine

40:35And if it's

40:36If you've got one thing

40:37Like it's a holiday

40:38Or something

40:39It's worth it

40:39And then it's got its purpose

40:40But don't mince about within it

40:43Fine

40:44Keep it strict

40:45Fine

40:45I like it

40:48There's a character in your book

40:50That I love

40:52Oh

40:53Called Miranda

40:53Oh, yes

40:54Well, I've tried to write about different generations as well

40:57Because again

40:58I like the way that people mix in the best parts of suburbia

41:02And Miranda is somebody whose true past isn't really known

41:06However, she is somebody who even though she's in her 80s wants to experience all of life

41:11She's had a bucket list and now she has a different sort of list

41:14You can say it

41:15You can say it

41:15Her fuck it list

41:16Oh

41:16And that includes things like taking acid

41:19Because I just sort of think

41:21If I make it to an old age

41:23Rather than sort of going out with a whimper

41:26Wouldn't it be great to experience acid?

41:29Or to try all those things you never thought you could try before?

41:33Why not?

41:33Dawn and I, my friend Dawn French and I

41:35Once thought we'd be really daring

41:37And we got an ecstasy tablet

41:39Oh, that's me

41:40And we thought we could take

41:42Well, I think it was something with a rabbit on it

41:44It was about that big

41:46And we thought one day

41:48I said, well, be alone

41:49It became such a matter of planning

41:52As to when we could take half

41:55An ecstasy tablet

41:57And so we kept it and kept it on Dawn's mantelpiece like that

42:01And then one day

42:02This is about six months later when we've gone

42:04Okay, right

42:05We're ready

42:05We had water

42:07We had

42:08We didn't know what to expect at all

42:10The pill had gone

42:11No

42:14But your dog was looking lively that day

42:18And it was quite a relief

42:19Yeah

42:20You were like, thank goodness

42:21Thank God we don't do that anymore

42:22Yeah

42:22No drugs for us

42:24The dog was out in the garden

42:25Jumping up and down

42:27Having sex with the dragon

42:30This brilliant book is out when, please

42:32It's out on the 21st of May

42:34And you can pre-order it right now

42:36Am I allowed to give this to Jack?

42:38I won't keep it

42:38I'm not keeping it

42:39It's not like the puppy dog

42:40Really?

42:41Here, tell me when to stop

42:42Uh, there

42:44Left or right?

42:45Left

42:46Tell me when to stop

42:47Tell me when to stop

42:48Now

42:49We all need to discuss the planning application of course

42:54Interrupted Donald

42:55I assume that's what this is all about

42:57We are going to need to take action if the rumours are true

43:00About changing the area

43:01I love it

43:02There you go

43:05There are definitely moments of exposition

43:07You have to realise

43:08You have to cover it

43:10Right

43:10That is it

43:12I just want to check

43:13Do you feel like you've covered everything?

43:15Is there anything you want to sell a bit harder?

43:19I don't want to sell anything more

43:20But I have not covered even the tip of the iceberg

43:25No

43:25Jeff, I've got to go night night

43:27I never thought I'd say that to a guest

43:29Not tonight, on another occasion

43:31No, please

43:31Because my curiosity has been inflamed

43:33This is amazing

43:34By this audience

43:35By you

43:36And by this group

43:37My god

43:38Tom

43:38Anything else?

43:40I went to buy rotisserie chicken yesterday

43:42For lunch

43:44And they sold out before lunchtime

43:46Who is having a rotisserie chicken for breakfast?

43:50Some people are perverts

43:53Well, thank you all

43:54We are so grateful

43:56We are off to eat salami

43:58Happy with that?

43:59Yeah

43:59I love salami

44:00I would like to thank my utterly brilliant guests

44:03Tom Allen

44:05Vanessa Williams

44:09Jennifer Saunders

44:11And Jeff Goldblum

44:14We are back next week

44:16And I'll be joined by Joanne

44:18Nally

44:18Gus Khan

44:19And Niall Horan

44:20Thank you so much for watching

44:22Good night

44:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:50You are ready to grant your time

44:51I'm

44:51If you look at the

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