00:04I feel so so lucky for my life for the things that I have for the privileges
00:09that I have and all of the ways that I get to express myself and like get to
00:13be free in myself I came to a place where I realized like I am not in the
00:20same pain that I used to be I actually think I probably would have been able
00:29to have a pretty moderate usage of cannabis if it hadn't been for one thing
00:34and that one thing was I went through the world's most devastating hideous awful breakup
00:40like being just in a lot of pain and being like so full of this like I don't know
00:46this desire to just not think about it and like to have something to alter my state
00:52to like make things feel different for me it started to become kind of a compulsion
00:57and an addiction really and the line there is kind of thin but I think
01:03when I realized is when I went home for Christmas and I was like oh my god I have no
01:12way of coping
01:13right now like I have nothing to like help me deal with what I'm what I'm going through at home
01:18my sleep was really poor my appetite was really poor I couldn't eat anything and my throat hurt
01:24all the time like my lungs were not like firing the way that they should have
01:29realizing that I was sabotaging myself in that way was a big moment where I was like
01:33this is this can't continue
01:37a big realization for me was like I don't want to be 80 years old and getting high all the
01:42time
01:42to be able to step back from that and to have the support that I have in my life
01:46and to have the outlets and the creativity that I have in my life
01:49I'm so lucky for that and and I feel really really grateful for that