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00:27Gracias por ver el video
00:52Gracias por ver el video
01:05Gracias por ver el video
01:11Gracias por ver el video
01:27So we love you so so much
01:31And without you guys
01:33None of this would be possible
01:35So thank you
01:47I've really struggled keeping all of this
01:59Always at the back of my mind
02:00I just always thought we'd be together forever
02:07I've never said anything
02:08I just have always like stayed quiet
02:11Because I was the one that left
02:13So I was the one that caused all of this
02:18Whoever leaves first is always like the person that gets the most shit
02:25But yeah
02:28I've never been able to say
02:34It was never actually my decision
02:35To leave first
02:37Like I actually didn't want any of this to happen
02:41This is my story
02:43Of how it went
03:13All right girlies
03:15No pressure
03:16Well we'll keep going until midnight
03:18Right
03:24Yay good girlies
03:27Oh she's smiling
03:37Oh my god
03:38Let me see
03:39Oh my god
03:42Do you want to run and pick them up
03:44And if you just bring me one at a time please
03:46Oh
03:50Oh
03:53Oh
03:54Okay poppy
03:56Okay
03:57Shhh
03:58Shhh
03:58Shhh
04:00Shhh
04:00Shhh
04:02Shhh
04:02Shhh
04:03Shhh
04:04Shhh
04:05Shhh
04:07I know poppy
04:09It's okay
04:10Oh
04:11This gives me anxiety
04:12Which is fine
04:14So they have little wriggles and moans
04:16I suppose also like because you've had something such a traumatic beginning
04:20Yeah
04:20Everything must be like oh my god what's that
04:22Literally
04:24Shhh
04:26Shhh
04:26Shhh
04:26Shhh
04:27Shhh
04:28Shhh
04:28Shhh
04:29Shhh
04:29Shhh
04:29Shhh
04:35Oh no sweetie you've had enough
04:38This life ain't for you isn't it
04:40Just like mummy
04:40Shhh
04:44Shhh
04:45Shhh
04:45Shhh
04:45How regular were photo shoots for you?
04:48Oh all the time
04:50I despised them with a passion
04:52The joke was so funny about all of us
04:54We all liked our left side
04:56Go on your dim toes
04:58Yeah
04:59So when it came to photos we would all be like this
05:02Ladies right here in front please
05:04Right here in front please
05:05And the photographer would be like
05:06Err can one of you
05:08And we'd all be like
05:09No
05:12I don't think anything will ever ever be able to prepare you for the industry
05:16And especially when you're in a girl band
05:18When I was on X Factor I was like being scrutinised for like my weight
05:22And I like was really struggling with it so I was like right how can I lose weight
05:26I know I remember when I was younger my mum used to drink Slim Foss
05:29And I was like right Peri I need to go and get Slim Foss
05:32So we were always like sneaking down the aisles
05:34Like trying to find these Slim Foss
05:35And then all of a sudden out of nowhere
05:36This guy was like
05:37He starts taking pictures
05:39And I was like
05:40Oh fucks
05:41I just remember getting Slim Foss
05:42And lobbing it to Peri
05:43And was like you hold it
05:44And this is that picture
05:47What a great friend though honestly
05:49She really took the heat for me
05:59We're in LA
06:00This is the start of a massive trip for us
06:02I'm rather excited for you
06:06All four of us
06:07We were just really silly
06:08Like we didn't really take anything too seriously
06:12And we were so, so similar but so not
06:15I had the same sense of humour
06:17And that's what really got us through like shit times
06:19We made each other laugh so much
06:21We are here for the case of Betsy and Wilma
06:27Now, I will admit
06:28I was seeing her husband
06:31Gerst
06:33They did all really get on
06:35They did
06:36And they were so funny
06:37I remember one day they'd found like a courtroom
06:40And they all pretended it was a trial
06:41But it was all like
06:43Just off the cuff
06:44Now I'm jacked
06:46I think that one of the reasons that we lasted so long
06:52Genuinely because we were actually friends
06:54Like we were real
06:56Yeah, like best mates
07:02What's wrong with you?
07:03What? It was a fly!
07:04I promote the band
07:07Casually hang out with the girls
07:10Some of them like to get drunk
07:11Some of them don't
07:14And when they do
07:15It's a party
07:21I remember sometimes feeling a little bit jealous
07:24Cause she'd call them like her sisters
07:25And I'd be like
07:26Uh, excuse me
07:26Um
07:27But they were
07:29They were like
07:29A little pack
07:30I love you girl
07:32I love you all
07:33I love you all so
07:35We got through it
07:36And all we need is each other
07:37Yeah!
07:412017, 2019 were like really like happy times
07:44I feel like it was like
07:46We were just at the peak of our career
07:48To me
07:49Everyone was just like in a good place
07:52But actually
07:54I was wrong
08:09I remember we got called in for a meeting
08:13When we called in for a meeting
08:15It's either going to be something amazing
08:16Or something really bad
08:20And I just had this gut feeling that it wasn't going to be good
08:29One of the girls
08:31Had decided that they didn't want to be in the band anymore
08:36And I just like remember
08:39Feeling like my whole world had just fell apart
08:44It was just a really sad day
08:46And me and Jade really cried
08:48Can you say which of the girls it was?
08:52I don't think that's for me to say
08:53Because they still haven't said
08:56So that's not for me to say
08:58And did you tell the person who was leaving how you felt?
09:02Yeah, and I probably didn't even handle it very well
09:06Because I was just like
09:07I was just
09:08I was devastated
09:09And I couldn't really in that moment
09:11Like maybe give her the understanding
09:15And the like support maybe that she needed in that moment
09:19And that sounds really selfish
09:21Because
09:24Obviously that person was really like feeling and going through something
09:29But at that time I just remember thinking like
09:32I need to mentally prepare myself now for a little mixed ending
09:40After that we were like
09:42Right, we now need to put in a plan
09:43Of what's now going to happen
09:47So we planned our last tour
09:50All the dates were set in for that
09:54And that was it really
09:55That was like the last thing we were going to do together as a band
10:10So
10:12That was what we were all like gearing up for
10:15And then
10:17Covid happened
10:20The Prime Minister has announced the most drastic limits to our lives
10:24That the UK has ever seen in living memory
10:28The shops are closed, the theatres are dark, the bars are shut
10:33Lockdown prolonged everything
10:36So we wasn't allowed to do the tour when we were supposed to
10:41Unfortunately that is then when everything just got messy
10:51I was quarantined with one of my best friends Charlotte
10:55Half crazy
10:58Over the love with you
11:01Yay!
11:01You like that one!
11:03First time I ever met Charlotte she was drunk when she did my eyelashes
11:06Jessie no!
11:08You were like I'm really sorry but I'm a little bit tipsy right now
11:11But I actually do eyelashes better when I'm tipsy
11:13And I was like
11:13Didn't I?
11:14And you did, you did to be fair
11:15Yeah
11:15You said to me you was like oh my god that's amazing
11:18And then that was the start of our friendship
11:19Yeah
11:20Our messy friendship
11:22Just before lockdown Jessie's schedule was crazy
11:25I remember going to her house at like 3-4 o'clock in the morning to do her eyelashes
11:29After she'd finished either rehearsing or filming the music videos
11:32There was one time we went to Australia for a day
11:35And it was just like
11:38That's not normal
11:39I was so exhausted
11:41It was non-stop
11:43Going into lockdown it was nice to see her
11:46Just let go
11:48What's going on everyone Gary here
11:50Just thought I'd do a quick post because me and my mate Steve are still working currently in lockdown
11:54That's right girl
11:56I er
11:57I come round I'm the plumber
11:58I can deal with all your pipe work
12:01Goodbye James
12:02Bye
12:05You could just see like
12:07This bright beaming light coming from Jessie that she didn't have before
12:16And I think it's something that she'd probably craved for so long
12:20Lockdown happened and I just like lived
12:25You was yourself
12:26Yeah
12:27I just felt like a kid again when I was with Charlotte
12:29Like I just felt free
12:31I can't breathe
12:32I think she kind of got some of her old happy ways back before
12:38Like X Factor
12:40Like just hanging out with your friends and doing stupid things
12:43And silly little videos and things
12:47I didn't have any cares or worries
12:49I could eat whatever the fuck I wanted and it didn't matter
12:52Because I didn't have to worry about doing a music video
12:54This is so exciting
12:56Yeah the diet's out the window today
12:57Yeah the diet's out the window today
12:57We obviously still had to do little bits and bobs
13:01Which I was happy to do because I was in the comfort of my own home
13:04Just a touchy love
13:06Just a touchy love
13:09Just a touchy love
13:10Photograph one naughty shirt on
13:15Obviously I knew the band was coming to an end
13:18Because one of the girls had made the decision to leave
13:20Hi we're Little Mix and we're about to play Buzzbeats
13:23Truth or Wine
13:26I don't know even when we'd be asked like questions in lockdown in interviews
13:30Like oh do you think Little Mix will be together forever
13:32Or like I don't know
13:33And we'd be like yeah
13:34Was there ever a time you were close to disbanding?
13:39Disbanding meaning like breaking up?
13:41Yeah
13:41Oh
13:43And breaking up then?
13:45No it wasn't was there?
13:46Well not
13:48No yeah I don't think we've ever had a conversation about
13:51No no
13:53You know what I mean like I was never actually like happy
13:56Oh I don't bloody know
13:58Drink
13:58I don't know
14:00Obviously you might I'm like we're not going to be here in a year's time
14:04I love how much they're trying
14:06I almost felt like I was just being fake the whole time
14:08Because I knew what was about to happen
14:11That was like for me when everything changed
14:14And then just got a very quick realisation that this just I wasn't happy anymore
14:20So it's just weird to think that if lockdown didn't happen
14:23And maybe even if Charlotte didn't live with me
14:26Maybe my decisions would have been different
14:28What was your kind of relationship with the girls in Covid too
14:31In terms of did you chat to each other?
14:34Yeah everyday
14:35But the funny thing was was they couldn't wait to get back to work
14:39And I was the total opposite I was dreading that phone call
14:45What was the call then?
14:47Well it was to do a music video
14:48My stylists at the time were like right so obviously the song is called Holiday
14:53So it's going to be like beachwear
14:57And I'm thinking fuck off
15:00No no this is my worst nightmare
15:03I've just stuffed my face in lockdown
15:05No twirl in a bloody bikini
15:07And I just remember thinking
15:09I need to go out of diet
15:10I need to go out of diet
15:11I remember googling
15:13Quickest way to lose a stone in five days
15:18I always worried when music videos would come up
15:21Because I know she'd go at extremes to try and lose weight
15:24She'd always be starving herself
15:26And then one time I found some injections
15:28There was obviously weight loss injections
15:30And I remember finding them and getting really upset
15:34I'm like why would you do that?
15:35Great, let's roll videos
15:37Roll cameras
15:38I just remember being on the set of that music video
15:40And I just was struggling the whole day
15:42We've got your same performance again
15:45You're doing amazing darling
15:53That was the straw that broke the camel's back doing that video
15:57It brought everything back from before we went into lockdown
16:03At this point she was broken
16:05The girls they were still very much giving a hundred to everything they were doing
16:09With Zaja Swanson
16:11Being a pop star she's probably had to hide herself
16:15Behind this persona for so long
16:17And again
16:18Because she has millions of people to keep happy
16:23And she probably felt the pressure of that
16:25And I think that's probably what took her back to work
16:28But in hindsight you could clearly see the effects that it was having on her
16:32Her mental health was suffering
16:47Here we are
16:50They look quite realistic though
16:53Do you think that's a very good one?
17:02And the winner is Jessie Nielsen
17:05Yay!
17:08Who are these girls over here?
17:11Yay!
17:12So wait you and Mum haven't even seen mine in person?
17:15I've been here before though but not seen yours
17:20We wanted to see them before they get taken down
17:23It's a massive achievement isn't it to be in Madame Tussauds
17:27Yeah
17:29As a mum it kind of shocks you how much I actually did achieve
17:32And God she feels so proud
17:34I don't think she gives herself enough credit at all
17:36And it's quite sad really
17:38Gone are the days with my nice plump boobs
17:41Now they're just saggy sacks
17:44Jessie
17:44Yeah
17:45Can I have a photo with you and...
17:47Of course you can
17:48Some of his friends at school don't believe that you're his auntie
17:51Oh really?
17:52Yeah
17:53You see young boys and girls now saying
17:55I want to grow up I want to be famous
17:56And if you could tell them what's involved in it
17:58I feel really guilty as a mum
18:01For encouraging her to even do the X Factor now
18:04If I could have that time again
18:07I wish she had never done it, never won it
18:09Never joined the girl group
18:11Only because of what came after and what came with it
18:14When you see yourself all together as a collective
18:17Where does it take you to?
18:19Er...
18:20I don't know
18:21I don't know that's really hard actually
18:23I would say
18:25Like sad and hurt
18:27But you know it's just life isn't it?
18:29No one stays in their job forever
18:31Especially if it doesn't make them happy
18:34Do you remember the last time you were with them all?
18:40Er...yes
18:41It was when we were...
18:43Oh alright baby
18:45Alright baby
18:45It was when we were doing our own TV show called The Search
18:49Yeah that was the last time I saw them
18:52And did you know on that day
18:54Did you know it would be the last time?
18:56No
18:56No
18:57No
18:58No
18:58No
18:59No
19:00No
19:01No
19:03No
19:03No
19:03No
19:03No
19:11So why did you leave Little Mix?
19:13So I've never spoken about this
19:17Just give me a minute
19:21We got given the TV show The Search
19:26We are here to find the next big thing in music
19:30Let's do this
19:34And...
19:34Crack
19:35So it begins girls
19:38So it begins
19:39Whoever the winner was then would go be the support act for us on the last tour
19:44Which obviously no one knew that it was the last tour either
19:46Now because of lockdown the tour is not going to be for another two years
19:52I just remember being like I can't do it
19:54I physically cannot do it
19:56Let's get started
19:57I know I can't last another two years like with the way I'm feeling
20:00What was the atmosphere like between the four of you in that time?
20:06Did it kind of carry on the same or had it shifted?
20:08I felt like it shifted
20:10There would be days when I would cry
20:11There would be days when I was like a really miserable bitch
20:15She just wasn't herself
20:16She was there but wasn't really there
20:18You know like sometimes when you just do something
20:20But your mind and heart just wasn't in it
20:22I don't think her heart was in it anymore
20:23I think she was just struggling
20:25The vocals were great
20:27Rapping was really good
20:28But I have to be honest
20:30There was something about that performance
20:33That was missing for me
20:34I think you could have cut the atmosphere of a knife
20:36It was...
20:36It was just horrible
20:38Jessie I don't know what you were listening to
20:40No listen I said you can't fault it
20:42But there was something missing for me
20:44Right okay
20:44Wow that was an emotional rollercoaster
20:47I'm going to be honest
20:48I don't know how you're feeling lads
20:49All them little things like eventually build up
20:52Build up and build up and build up
20:54And yeah they do get to like a boiling point at some point
20:57I can see why they did get angry at times
21:00It's hard to work with someone who's always down
21:03And you're always happy
21:04It's hard to be around that
21:05But when you have all that horrible pressure
21:07You do become...
21:08You just become a negative person
21:10And you only see the bad stuff
21:11I'd been in lockdown
21:13Felt that happiness
21:14And now I'd been like swarmed with this like rush of anxiety and insecurities
21:20Like which I didn't have when I was at home and in lockdown
21:22And I felt safe
21:24Like I started then having panic attacks again
21:27I feel like over all of the years of her being in Little Mix
21:32All this trauma had been building up inside of her
21:35If you're a good performer
21:36You can cover things up and keep carrying on
21:38But there's going to be a time when you're crack
21:41And you just can't take no more
21:44Little Mix star
21:45The lovely Jessie Nelson
21:47Had to leave a Radio One live lounge performance
21:50After suffering from a panic attack
21:53When I went back to work
21:54And then I just had this fear of performing
21:56For me to be terrified of performing
21:59Was like so abnormal
22:00Because when I was on stage
22:02That was like the place I felt the most confident
22:05I didn't like recording anymore
22:07Which actually if you now go listen back to songs
22:10I'm hardly on any of the songs
22:11Because I would just...
22:14I'd go in the studio and I was just so down
22:16I was like I don't...
22:18What's the point?
22:19I was like I don't care
22:19Just I'll go on the chorus
22:21Because I just mentally checked out
22:23It was like my body was telling me
22:25Stop
22:27Like stop it now
22:28That was the moment for me when I was like
22:29I can't do this anymore
22:33And then...
22:37Listen everyone's going to have their version of this story
22:40I can only speak my truth of how I felt in this situation
22:46And I basically just sat everyone down
22:48And I just explained how I was feeling
22:51I just felt like no one cared
22:54I felt like...
22:56Everyone was like...
22:59And I remember one of the responses being like...
23:04Are you done now?
23:05Is that it?
23:06And I was like...
23:09Okay
23:09She's like can I go now?
23:11And I just remember feeling like whoa
23:14And that just made me feel really like...
23:19Just alone and like...
23:22There's just no point to this
23:23Like no one...
23:24No one cares
23:29For a few days before she'd just been down and really down and not talking much and...
23:35I think she was seeing horrible things written about her again
23:38And she just wanted to be on her own quite a lot
23:41And I just got a gut feeling it's just something wasn't right
23:45So I kept ringing and ringing
23:47And then I wasn't getting no answer
23:49And then she eventually answered the phone
23:51But she was like talking really slurry
23:53And I could just hear the phone drop and then I didn't hear anything else
23:57I knew she'd done something
24:01Hello and welcome to the final of Little Mix The Surge
24:05Let's hear it for Little Mix!
24:09Unfortunately Jessie is unwell tonight so won't be joining us
24:12But she will be rooting for all of the bands from home
24:19Yeah that was when she was really at rock bottom
24:26It was so hard to see your friend like that
24:29An ambulance was called
24:33We went to hospital with her
24:37This whole wave of sadness come over me
24:41And I just sat there and I thought
24:45This isn't the first time that you've done this
24:48Do you recall the first thing you said to her like when she came round?
24:51I just kept cuddling her and
24:54I just can remember saying
24:55That's it now, this it, no more
24:57You've got to stop doing what's making you unhappy
25:04I just was so sad, like I was so down
25:07I like knew, like from that moment anyway
25:10Of like coming out of hospital that like I just
25:13I just, I couldn't, I mentally couldn't do it
25:17And then um, before I could even like have a discussion with the girls
25:21I needed to like figure out like where I was legally
25:24In terms of like could I even come out of it now
25:32Unfortunately the lawyer ended up letting them know that I was wanting to leave
25:37Before I could even let them know
25:39So I think they felt really hurt by that
25:42And it should never have played out like that
25:45And I feel like mad that that was like taken away from me
25:49And like I didn't get my opportunity to like explain
25:54Like why I couldn't do this anymore
25:57I was like, mentally like got myself ready and was like
26:01I want to sit down with the girls now
26:03And I want to like chat to them and tell them like why I did what I did
26:07And like how I've been feeling and just really explained to them and like
26:12Tried to make them understand how I was feeling
26:16And then um, my manager called
26:20And she was like, erm
26:24So I've spoke to the girls
26:28And they are happy to chat with you
26:32But they don't feel comfortable being in a room with you unless there's a therapist there
26:39And I just remember being like, what?
26:42I've just come out of hospital
26:45Like this is the time when I need you the most
26:49I personally believe
26:51That at Jess's
26:54Lowest
26:55Lowest of low times
26:57That the girls weren't really there for her
26:59And I think that's why she's so sad now
27:02I don't know, I just didn't feel like they were my like sisters
27:06Like it's been five years now
27:08And every time I like think about it I'm like
27:12Was it them?
27:13Or was it the management?
27:15I will never know that because we never got to have that conversation
27:21And then eventually there was a phone call
27:24And it was just really awkward
27:25And it was just so weird because it was like talking to strangers
27:29It was so, it was the most uncomfortable phone call I've ever had
27:33No one knew what to say
27:35And that was the last time I ever spoke to them as a group
27:48No, show me then, where is it?
27:50On TV, I'll show you
27:52Oh
27:55Little mix
27:57Little mix holiday
27:59Go across across, no, no, no, up
28:02There
28:09Yeah
28:10Bloody hell
28:10Is that you?
28:12Yes
28:15Yeah, so this was our last ever performance
28:17Yeah, it's really nice, I like it
28:19So high, it's like the middle of your life
28:22I loved being part of a group
28:29When you get on and it works, there's something so magical
28:34Don't you keep it out to yourself
28:37I actually really like it
28:38Do you miss what you had with them?
28:46Yeah, of course
28:48It's been so difficult for me
28:49Because for so long there's obviously been this narrative of
28:53Jessie left and never spoke to them again
28:55Like she just upped and left
28:56Like I literally just went, see ya
28:57And like never spoke to them again
29:00And I just really fucking hate that like
29:02There was such like nine and a bit beautiful years that I had with the girls
29:07And I actually like really, really didn't want to
29:10For us to be known for that like one shitty part
29:13Like it overrode every amazing thing that we ever did
29:17And like what we stood for
29:27Like we had some such beautiful times
29:29And we really, really were like genuine like sisters
29:34And I think that's what's so sad about this whole thing
29:36Can you see me glowing? That's how I feel
29:40Do you ever see yourself making up with them?
29:44I honestly don't know
29:45As the years have gone on
29:48I see both sides
29:50I see
29:52Why they would be sad and hurt
29:58They reached out to me when I was pregnant
30:00It was lovely because
30:01I'd never thought that that would happen
30:05And yeah, it made me really like emotional
30:08Just a touch of your love
30:10We're growing women now
30:11We've got kids and I just think there's so much more important things in life
30:14Love is enough to take control of my whole body
30:17It's just one of them things that needs to be put to bed now
30:20Just a touch of your love
30:24That's enough, the babies are growing
30:25Please can we stop this now
30:27Because I'm dying inside
30:31Just a touch of your love
30:39Give it up for Little Mix!
30:45It's like everything I'd ever dreamed of
30:48To be able to express who I was as a solo artist
30:53I've never seen her work so hard
30:55Did you get it?
30:57She couldn't wait for this song to be released
31:01My manager pulled me to the side
31:03He was like, it's not good
31:05Jessie!
31:06Jessie Nelson is being accused of so-called blackfishing
31:09The whole world is talking about it
31:11It doesn't finish me a lot of fishing
31:14Ready?
31:15I'm ready to start my seaside life
31:18This is the happiest I've ever seen her
31:21How nice is this?
31:23Oh my God!
31:26Thank you
31:26Being like the best partner I could ever ask for
31:29I feel exactly the same
31:32So on that note
31:34No!
31:35No!
31:36No!
31:38No!
32:05No!
32:08No!
32:08Gracias.
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