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00:07It's so funny because you're in my TV.
00:11I am in your TV!
00:12Yeah.
00:13I'm so happy about that.
00:14You're on a strapped in television that's on my chair.
00:19Thank you for strapping me in.
00:20And listen, you know I would love to come up there and hang out.
00:24I just don't have the time right now.
00:33When did you start doing, I've been trying to have like a little, so there's no, I don't
00:37know if you've noticed, there's no template for this show.
00:41Dude, do you understand?
00:42Like, I never get to hang out with you, so this is fucking lovely for me.
00:46No, yeah.
00:47It's just to get a chance to hang out.
00:49That's why I love your Tom Holman.
00:50I love your Holman.
00:51Oh, I got the best fucking song.
00:53So I'm, you know, Lauren called me Friday night.
00:55He's like, you know, come home.
00:57We'd love to have you.
00:57I'm like, oh, great.
00:58You know?
00:58What I loved about it was how much fun you seem to be having just being there and nailing
01:06it at the top.
01:06And it just made it really fun to watch.
01:09I was just having fun.
01:10I was just like, I haven't been out of the house.
01:12And this is the first time I did like a live thing since the baby.
01:16Right.
01:16I had zero fear.
01:18Usually I'm like a little nervous.
01:20I smoke like five cigarettes before and I'm just like, I suck.
01:23I was like, I'll give a fuck.
01:24Let's just, let's go get this over with so I can go home.
01:27And it was so much.
01:28That's so awesome.
01:28So much more fun.
01:30Like, did you feel that way when you were performing?
01:32Because you were at the daily show.
01:33With the kids?
01:34Oh, yeah.
01:35No, I set up at the office.
01:37I got like, at the time, I don't even know if this thing's still on, but there was a show
01:41called Blue's Clues.
01:42And there was this guy, Steve, who was always on it.
01:44Like, let's go solve it.
01:46And there was a little blue dog and they had a little, put on your, let's sit in a thinking
01:49chair.
01:50So, uh, I had all the little Blue's Clues furniture, like tiny furniture.
01:56And I set up a kind of identical space to my desk in my office for the kids.
02:03So whenever they could, they would come up during the day.
02:08And it's just a reminder, like, with all the people that you work with, like, hey, man,
02:13I really like working here and I really like you people, but I love them, like in a way
02:18that I don't even know what to do with.
02:19So if you'll excuse me for a minute, like, I'm just going to sit down and stare at them
02:24for as long as I possibly can without completely fucking up the show.
02:30But it's, it's, I mean, it's, it's a whole other level of existence that you just can't
02:36even believe it.
02:37And it's, you know, it's remarkable.
02:40Was it fun seeing Lauren?
02:42I got to tell you for Lauren, like, and I'm sure he knows this and people go like, but
02:47what he's created, what he's done, like, that will never be matched.
02:54No.
02:55Imagine starting something in 1975 that becomes iconic culturally almost immediately.
03:04Forever.
03:05And 50 years later, it's still iconic culturally.
03:12Like, there's nothing that has ever existed that has maintained.
03:16He made something that has been, like, an incredible, iconic touchstone.
03:24It still creates the most relevant moments in our culture.
03:27For sure.
03:28And it's also, like...
03:2950 years later.
03:3050.
03:30That's unheard of.
03:31And he also, like, has done a, he's, I think, the only person I know that's this powerful
03:37that still remains pretty much behind the scenes, you know?
03:42Like, you know, like, eventually every, like, CEO or creator of something starts, you know,
03:46hitting the gym, looking sexy.
03:48Whenever I see those guys, I just want to, like, go up and whisper in their ear,
03:53death is inevitable.
03:56Like, you're, you guys are billionaires.
03:58Like, what's with, like, going to Mars?
04:01Like, you're, you guys are at a point where, like, no one can enjoy the Earth in the way
04:08that, with the resources and all those things that you have.
04:11No one can have more positive influence in that.
04:15And your first instinct is, yeah, well, how about another planet?
04:19Yeah, I'm fucking bored.
04:20It's like when Mick Jagger fucked David Bowie.
04:22Like, he probably had had so many women at that point, he was just like, what else is
04:27out there?
04:28What else can we do?
04:30What are you doing later?
04:32David, come in here.
04:33Yeah, how do you think that, how did that, could you imagine me, you and Melania, just
04:38in the dressing room, and you're like, are you bored with the ladies?
04:41Yeah.
04:42I don't know.
04:43I think it would work with you and Melania.
04:44I think the height differential would make it really hard with me.
04:46You would have to watch.
04:51Unless we did, like, a master blaster thing.
04:53You're just eating Sally's of Pizzas?
04:54Right.
04:55Just sitting in the corner?
04:56Oh.
04:56You two, you kids have fun.
04:58That's my favorite thing.
05:00Sally's of Pizzas is unbelievable.
05:02Every gig I do now, it's the one thing I ask for in the dressing room, it's, hey, man,
05:05just get me the best local pizza you got.
05:08I remember my mind was blown when I had Sally's of Pizzas, and I couldn't believe it was in
05:12Connecticut.
05:13And I just want to tell the people, they're like, you know, if you took a cab down to Carmine,
05:17you can get as many slices of Joe's as you want, take a cab back, and still not lose
05:23your place in this line.
05:26Is your picture up in any pizza places?
05:31I have one.
05:32I have one good story.
05:34When I was seven years old, when my dad passed, my mom was like, what do you want to do?
05:39Like, whatever.
05:39Like, what would make you happy?
05:41I go, I want to be an actor.
05:42So I went to this acting class in Staten Island that was run by this guy named Clem Caserta.
05:48Clem Caserta was in one movie.
05:50He played this guy named Jimmy Whispers in A Bronx Tale.
05:54Jimmy Whispers!
05:55Right.
05:56And, you know, only later on did I realize it was Jimmy Whispers, so they didn't have to
06:00pay him.
06:01So he was like a glorified extra, right?
06:03But when you're seven and you know someone's in a movie from Staten Island, you're like,
06:08holy shit!
06:09You're 30th on the call sheet in A Bronx Tale?
06:12Whoa!
06:13You must have a mansion!
06:14Right?
06:15So I'm in this fucking acting class with, like, I'm the only one that's not 30 plus.
06:21And I'm fucking seven years old, and it's a bunch of Staten Island people trying to act,
06:27and, you know, Clem's there in, like, a big chair, and he's like, we're gonna do this.
06:31And I'm bouncing off the walls, doing Jim Carrey, talking with my ass, and my mom comes
06:39to pick me up, and Clem goes, can I talk to you for a second, to my mom?
06:44And she's like, hey, Peter, just, you know, wait in the car, whatever.
06:47And Clem told my mom that I don't have the stuff, I'm bouncing off the walls, he's been
06:54around forever, and he doesn't want me in the class.
06:57And my mom goes, his father just died, and it's just making him happy, like, can't
07:04we, can't we, can't you, like, work with me on this?
07:07And he's like, I'm sorry, you know, and he just says-
07:10Wait, that didn't even?
07:11No, yeah, I'm sorry, he just doesn't have it.
07:13And my mom was like, well, fuck you, you fat piece of shit.
07:16Like, I remember, she said something along those lines, like, fuck you, who are you?
07:22And, um-
07:23I'm Jimmy Whispers!
07:24Yeah.
07:29So, I put that in my cap, I fucking leave, right?
07:33I'm in rehab.
07:35This is two years ago, and I go to this restaurant, this pizza place, thick and thin, in Boca.
07:41Great pizza.
07:42And I'm just, I'm with my buddy, and he points to the wall, because he knows the Clem story.
07:47And I'm like, what?
07:48And he goes, look, it's a headshot of Clem Caserta.
07:51I go, oh.
07:53I go, that's weird.
07:54He goes, look at it.
07:55I'm like, yeah, I know, Clem Caserta, you know, I'll never make it, right?
07:58He goes, look what it says.
07:59It goes, it says, to Peter, um, good luck with everything, like, congrats.
08:06And I go, that's, I've never been in this place before, I just picked that booth, and I was like,
08:12holy shit, like, I have to, I have to take this.
08:16So, I go to the owner, and I go, I need that headshot.
08:20They're like, he comes in here, like, whatever.
08:21I go, I tell him the story.
08:22Oh, he lives down there now.
08:24Yeah, yeah.
08:24I go, I tell him the story.
08:25They're like, fuck that guy.
08:27I go, can we take a picture of me, and can I take a video of you replacing him with
08:34my headshot?
08:36But in Thick and Thin now, where he was, I am.
08:40And that's the only thing.
08:42That is a flat-out Sicilian old-school vendetta.
08:48Yeah.
08:49That is an old-school, like, I have stolen your soul.
08:53I have stolen your booth.
08:56I'm going to leave you alive so that you can witness the domination.
09:02I'm in your booth, sir.
09:05And you've never seen this dude, heard from this dude again.
09:09You never went.
09:10No, I never, I'm not like, I'm not, because I'm like, that's like a step too far, you know?
09:17And also, it's different that he wasn't like a big star that fell on hard times.
09:20He was just a guy scraping and all the things.
09:23He was just kind of a dick.
09:24Where are you, what pizza place or what restaurant are you up in?
09:27Oh, I'm up in John's.
09:29Oh, nice.
09:29On Bleeker, in between 6th and 7th Avenue.
09:33And I'm up there.
09:36It's me, so I got lucky.
09:40Bruce Springsteen was like kind of a fan of the show for a while.
09:43And I didn't know him, but obviously, like, he was always kind of my, growing up in Jersey, you know,
09:47this guy's like.
09:48He's God.
09:49Singing songs about getting in a car and getting the fuck out of Jersey.
09:51You're like, I like this guy.
09:53Yeah.
09:53There's something about him.
09:54Yeah.
09:55You know, so obviously, we're like, we'd go to the Stone Pony all the time.
09:58We'd play, you know.
10:00The band I saw, the only band I've seen probably less than Bruce is Backstreet's, the cover band for Bruce.
10:07So he brought his kid up one time to see the show because they were fans.
10:11He came back and we talked afterwards and we became friendly.
10:13And so one night he was in town and his, I think his, his oldest was back from college for
10:19a bit with a couple of his friends.
10:20And so we all went out to eat at John's Pizza and we sat in the booth and they took
10:26the picture.
10:27And so I am immortalized in John's Pizza at the table with Mr. Springsteen.
10:34That's awesome.
10:35And so it's just, it's one of those.
10:37And I'll never forget.
10:38He's your Sandler.
10:40He's my Sandler.
10:41He said to me at the dinner, you're never going to make it.
10:48Hey, John.
10:50I got news for you.
10:51He goes, I've been talking to my boy Clem.
10:53That's what he said to me.
10:56I've been talking to my boy Clem.
10:59Clem said.
11:00When did you start doing standup then?
11:03I'm trying to think.
11:0479, you're what?
11:0512?
11:06No.
11:07I'm 63, dude.
11:0879, I was, I graduated high school in 80.
11:11What?
11:12Yeah.
11:13I've never mentioned to you how old I am.
11:16You've never noticed on the gigs how hard it is sometimes for me to get up on the stage?
11:21No, you're forever like 49 to me.
11:24Oh, that's very kind.
11:25Like you, yeah.
11:26You're also one of those dudes, and I mean this in the best way, where like,
11:30you always looked 42, so now you're like hot.
11:37Because it's like Billy Bob.
11:39Like Billy Bob's always looked 70 years old.
11:41Now he actually is, and now everyone's watching Landman, and they're like, he looks amazing.
11:45Yeah, yeah.
11:46It's like, yeah.
11:46Once your biological age catches up to how like withered you always were,
11:53there's a certain synchronicity.
11:55I've heard people always, they would see me at like 45 and be like,
11:57do you sleep in a meat dehydrator?
11:59And I'd be like, what do you mean?
12:00Like, you know, you can get lotions for that shit.
12:04But now that I'm 63, I think there's an expectation.
12:07Oh, my, I think your skin at this point is supposed to look like the Bonneville Salt Flats.
12:14No, you're a daddy.
12:16Everyone that has social media.
12:18Oh, look.
12:19No, no, no.
12:20Who's the fellow in the purple shirt behind you?
12:21Oh, that's Dave.
12:22What's up, Dave?
12:23Hey, John.
12:25You know, when you said you're a daddy, Dave gave me a knowing nod, which made me feel very good.
12:31Dave agrees.
12:32That goes to you being a daddy.
12:33Oh, this is a fun quiz.
12:35I like to play with people.
12:36How old do you think Dave is?
12:38So Dave looks like the kind of dude that always looks like he's running lights for a high school theater
12:44production.
12:44So I'm going to say, and you're not sure if he, like, he works out and he's got biceps or
12:53he's just got fatty arms.
12:54You don't know if this dude, I'm looking at him right now.
12:58I'm like, okay, this dude either benches like 275 or linguine goes right to his biceps.
13:09So I'm not exactly sure, but I'm going to say perennial, perennial, older brother of high school motorhead.
13:17I'm going to put him at 23.
13:24I'm going to put him at 23.
13:26Oh, that's nice of you.
13:28Dave is 48 years old.
13:3047.
13:3047.
13:31I'm so sorry.
13:33You must, at night, they must put you in the fucking liquid that they put Boba Fett in in that
13:39Star Wars show to rejuvenate him.
13:42What really has been bothering me is, um, he'll, like, I stopped getting ID'd like two years ago.
13:49Two years ago?
13:50Yeah, and I went like, oh man, like, I guess, you know, I guess this is real now.
13:55I'm, you know, he still gets ID'd and he's, he's so proud.
13:59I, now, when I get ID'd, it's just to make sure I'm qualifying for that senior discount.
14:05Like, when I walk, I'll walk into a place and I'll be like, you know, I get to see the
14:10movie for $3.50 and they're like, not quite yet.
14:13Oh, do you, do you get pre-senior discounts at, like, Lowe's, at the theater?
14:16Oh yeah, oh yeah.
14:18No, I'm 60, the, the only, you know how, like, when you're, so when you're, and it's funny, Maggie and
14:24I were talking about this, my daughter Maggie.
14:25We were talking about Milestone, because her birthday is, um, tomorrow, she's gonna be 20, right?
14:33Whoa.
14:33And we were just talking about, like, those, there's not many Milestone, like, 17 is fucking huge.
14:38Yeah.
14:39Huge.
14:4018, if you're, like, in student UN, that's kind of big, because you get to vote.
14:45Uh, 20 is just kind of neat, because you're just not a teen anymore, you're like, it's that first foray
14:50into, like, the adult numbers.
14:52And then 21, and then fucking nothing.
14:55Everything hurts after that.
14:57Nothing until 55 and 65, where you qualify for, like, government insurance.
15:04Oh yeah, when I turned 30, I cried.
15:06Did you really?
15:07What?
15:07You're not much more, are you 31?
15:0932.
15:1032.
15:11Yeah.
15:12No, I just.
15:13Did you really, were you sad to get, to be 30?
15:15I was sad, because, like, well, it's when I first started trying to get, like, sober, but I also was
15:21just, like, um, damn, I lost that whole, like, if I make mistakes now, there's that whole, like, he was
15:26in his 20s.
15:28Right.
15:29You know?
15:29But you know what, dude, think about this.
15:33So, you also have sober birthdays.
15:35So you're, like, in a whole, like, you're actually just two.
15:39Yeah, yeah.
15:39I'm going to run with that.
15:40You're just a baby.
15:41Yeah, but it started, like, I was texting you, like, I, my hairline's starting to recede, my back just hurts.
15:49Um, if I play basketball, the next two weeks of my life are just miserable.
15:55I don't know, I've been having a lot of those moments.
15:58It never ends.
16:00A friend of mine was telling me about his dad, his dad lived to be, like, 96, and he was
16:06out to lunch with him.
16:07And they were, and his dad was, like, at that time, I guess his dad was, like, 94, 95.
16:12And he was, he was, they were eating lunch.
16:16And he saw that his dad was, like, seemingly, like, not present.
16:20And, uh, he goes, Dad, what's up?
16:23You know, what are you thinking about?
16:24And his dad looks up and he goes, Ode to be 90.
16:32And I just thought, well, that's just, that's just perfect.
16:36That's just, it doesn't matter when you, at every age you are, there was always an age when you were
16:43better.
16:44When your back hurt less.
16:46When you had more hair.
16:47There's, like, a sweet spot.
16:50I don't know when it might be.
16:51Lorne said 65 to 80 is, like, peak, like, your peak.
16:58That is peak rationalizing.
17:03There is no way that Lorne Michaels, who lived through, like, the halcyon days of SNL in 75,
17:15who was, who lived through having the rocket ship of rocket ships of shows is, like, it's better now.
17:24Like, that's the way I look at it.
17:25I'm 63.
17:26I'm, like, the way I lived my life before I got, like, straight was, I'm in injury time.
17:31Like, I'm, this is all, it's great.
17:34Right.
17:35Like, if you break your arm, it's, like, it's 18 months of healing.
17:39Here's something that's going to happen to you.
17:41And I should probably warn you.
17:42So, now you're entering the zone where you no longer have interests in entertainment.
17:49You have only the prism of your daughter.
17:52Yeah.
17:52So, I can remember when we were in the, like, the real thick of it with the kids.
17:57You know, four years old, five years old, seven years old, eight years old.
18:01And people would be, like, I saw this incredibly moving Portuguese film.
18:08About two loners and a mysterious girl as they traveled through Patagonia.
18:15And what it said about the human condition was so moving.
18:20Did you see it?
18:21And I'm, like, was that tangled?
18:23Because I saw it tangled.
18:26And they're, like, I don't think that's tangled.
18:28I'm, like, well, all I've seen is tangled.
18:31And I've seen it a hundred times.
18:36Oh, dude.
18:38Bro, you're heading into that.
18:41I don't care about it as much, for sure.
18:43I'm, like, I'm super, if I'm not tired, I'm super down to watch something.
18:48But it's, like, it's, like, a weird, where I was, like, you want to watch something?
18:54And I'm, like, yeah, but, like, nothing that, like, I have to really pay attention to.
18:58Or anything that's, like, emotional or, I was, like, I just want to watch, you know.
19:04Well, right now, you're just in the thick of, like, you're in boot camp.
19:07You guys are going, you know, when they're just little babies like that.
19:11It is, like, such an intense, this kind of induction period where, like, you guys aren't sleeping.
19:21You're just focused on, like, we got to keep this thing going.
19:25Like, it's your spinning plates.
19:27And it's so disorienting.
19:29So, like, we went through IVF, right, which is, like, it's, we had trouble.
19:34And even when you go through that process artificially, it creates the imbalance of mood and all those different things
19:50that you would create through the natural process.
19:52So, like, in IVF, you're going through this fucking up and down tornado, like, eight times in a year of,
20:00like, preparing pregnancy.
20:02Not a pregnancy, not a pregnancy.
20:03Got a pregnancy, miscarry a pregnancy.
20:05Like, so, it's all of that.
20:08It's like a decathlon.
20:10While you're also living your life, like, you're trying to.
20:14It's very disruptive.
20:15Right.
20:15Like, you're still a person.
20:18You have some sort of work or something you like to do.
20:20You have friends, you have activities, like, and you're trying to do all this while still maintaining that.
20:27You know what I love about this is you and I are talking about it, like, we have all this
20:31insight.
20:32And, like, women are going to, like, watch this and be like, oh, look, it's two apes discussing physics.
20:39Like, let me tell you something, though, about, I'm going to talk a little bit about the color scheme there.
20:44Like, when you're done with your podcast, you'll still be able to use that garage for KISS Army fan club
20:51meetings.
20:53It's dark.
20:55It's dark, black, and red.
20:57Yeah.
20:59You'll still be able to do your Dungeons and Dragons weekly game.
21:05You know what that looks like?
21:07When I was, how old was I?
21:09I must have been fucking 17 years old.
21:10I had a job with the State Department of New Jersey.
21:15And I was, you're not even going to believe this.
21:17It's the dumbest job you can ever imagine.
21:19I was tasked with, it was an encephalitis testing program, right?
21:25What's encephalitis?
21:26It's like a brain virus that's carried by mosquitoes.
21:31This is pre-West Nile?
21:34Yeah, no, this is, look, man, there was only, like, four diseases that they knew about.
21:39Polio, gonorrhea, and encephalitis.
21:42And I used to have to drive down to the Pine Barrens in New Jersey and go into the Pine
21:48Barrens in the woods and set up these traps in the woods.
21:52They looked like, like giant bells, and I would hook a car battery up to them.
21:57I swear to God, this is true.
21:58It's the dumbest thing you've ever heard.
21:59I'm laughing because I'm picturing you doing this.
22:02It was the worst.
22:03With a Bruce Springsteen A-track playing.
22:05Bruce Springsteen A-track, trying to avoid the pagan motorcycle gang meth labs that dotted the Pine Barrens at the
22:13time.
22:14And I had to collect overnight mosquito samples.
22:19And then in the morning, I would chloroform them and sort them, male-female, because only the females bite.
22:26This is true.
22:28Yeah.
22:29The male mosquitoes are just chilling?
22:31Chilling.
22:32I could spot, during that time, I could spot a male mosquito from fucking ten feet away, because the male
22:37mosquitoes have, I swear to God, this is true, hairier antennae.
22:42I'm just picturing you on a date in 1979.
22:47First of all, thank you for picturing me on a date in 1979, because I'm not sure I had one
22:51until, like, 1986, but thank you.
22:54You know, I could spot a...
22:56Yeah, I'll have a...
22:57I'll also have a beer.
22:58You know, I could spot a male mosquito from ten feet away.
23:03Oh, boy, can't you.
23:07That was my best line.
23:09That will either get you laid so much, because it's so endearing and sweet, or just never.
23:15There's no, like, middle ground.
23:16Well, let me also add some color to it.
23:18I was also, at the time, driving an off-brown AMC Gremlin.
23:24So, as you can imagine, there was very little I could say that would get me laid.
23:27Those are cool now, though.
23:29Now people are nostalgia buying those.
23:31Yeah, the things that made me a loser in 79 and 80 are cool now, but I didn't have the
23:38benefit of that.
23:39I didn't have the benefit of that.
23:40Dude, mosquito catching is huge now.
23:41But here's what I'm getting to.
23:43There was also something that we had called resting boxes.
23:47When the mosquitoes would feed, once they were filled with blood,
23:53they would go into these boxes that we had put out in the woods.
23:57They were black with red bottoms, just like your garage.
24:01Your garage is basically a mosquito resting box.
24:04It's a Louboutin.
24:06And I would have to aspirate the mosquitoes out of the box, which means I would suck them up in
24:16a straw.
24:17I would siphon them.
24:19Dude, I left that summer with 103 fever and fucking, that was the summer I nearly died.
24:27Because what it turned out is I was the experiment going to catch the mosquitoes.
24:32But I was the one wandering through the woods getting bit by mosquitoes, deer fly, ticks, chiggers.
24:38They're just trying to see if you survive.
24:40You know what it was?
24:42It was like one of those like, will Chernobyl kill people?
24:45Let's leave one guy behind.
24:50Let's see what radiation does to the testicle, the human testicle.
24:54What was your next job after that?
24:58I would love to.
24:59That's an excellent question.
25:00I used to be a mosquito catcher.
25:03Oh, then I just worked as a landscaper for like the next three summers.
25:06Okay, that's a lot.
25:07Yeah, it was a lot.
25:08It was a lot chilling.
25:09It was a lot like digging holes, mowing the lawn at malls.
25:13It was that kind of stuff.
25:15But what's the dumbest thing you've ever bought with?
25:19Oh, I don't.
25:20I'm not sure I've ever bought something.
25:23Well, I don't think I've ever.
25:25I don't think I've ever bought something particularly dumb.
25:30I was raised by depression parents.
25:32Right.
25:33I was raised by parents who were nothing if not cautionary tales.
25:38And my grandfather drove a cab in Brooklyn and my other grandfather ran a dry cleaners in Washington Heights.
25:45And we were not the kind of family that was like, you've earned your success.
25:50Splurge.
25:51Get yourself a little something.
25:52It was more like this.
25:54You never know when the world breaks.
25:59And when sadness.
26:01Do you like eating soup made only of shoelaces?
26:06Save your money.
26:09Like, that's just how we were raised, man.
26:12Like, that's.
26:13No, the whole ethos growing up, and especially after my parents split up, was we do everything we can not
26:20to lose the house.
26:22Right.
26:22That was the thing.
26:23Because we were friends with the only other divorced people at that time.
26:27This was, you know, very early 70s, 71, 72.
26:32They lost the house.
26:34They had lost the house.
26:35And they lived in this little apartment that ultimately, when I was a landscaper, I ended up doing all the
26:40landscaping for.
26:41But, this apartment complex.
26:44But, and, ironically enough, my dad ended up living there with his new family.
26:51But, that was, the ethos was always that kind of like, you protect, you never know, it all goes to
27:00shit.
27:01You know, that sort of mindset.
27:04Yeah, I come from the, the, you work hard.
27:07You're not going to live forever.
27:09Oh, it's so much better.
27:10Get Paulie Walnut's 2003 DeVille with 275,000 miles on it when you have a one-car garage that you're
27:18shooting a podcast in.
27:19Oh, so much better.
27:20I could have, believe me, I got to a point where I was making good money.
27:23I'm sure I could have done a thing where, like, I hired Keith Hernandez to have breakfast with me.
27:27But I never did any of that shit.
27:28But, like, that kind of frivolousness, like, I don't, like, enjoyment wasn't for us.
27:37Enjoyment was for other people.
27:38Like, it was, it was that kind of thing.
27:40Like, you know, are you smiling?
27:42Why?
27:43You know.
27:45Well, you deserve to smile, John.
27:48Oh, Petey!
27:49You're a good friend.
27:50I'm very lucky to have you.
27:52Thank you, baby.
27:53Oh, I love you.
27:55I love you too, bro.
27:56What?
27:56Oh, the one question.
27:57Yeah.
27:58Who did you see that made you want to get into stand-up?
28:00Was it something that you're like?
28:01Oh, you know, again, I wasn't really raised with the idea that, like, this was ever a possibility.
28:06I was only raised with, like, the feeling that something was wrong.
28:11Like, I remember getting out of school and I was working at, it was a bar in Jersey called The
28:17Bottom Half.
28:18It was a tavern underneath a liquor store on Route 1.
28:24And in the town I grew up in, it was like, I worked for the kid I went to high
28:29school with got me the job, Vinny Regolia, and his dad, Vinny Regolia.
28:34Like, that's, you know, the neighborhood we came from.
28:36So I worked there and then I ended up getting another job bartending at this punk club on Calhoun Street
28:43in Trenton called City Gardens.
28:45And every band that was coming from New York to Philly would somehow stop in this shithole warehouse club in
28:56the middle of Trenton and play.
29:00And I saw, like, I mean, some of the bills were, like, Dead Kennedys and Butthole Surfers on the same
29:05bill.
29:05Suicidal Tentances, like, all these great punk bands.
29:07Black Flag, Henry Rollins' band, when it became that.
29:12Bad Brains, the Ramones, like, just, and the vibe there, like, the town I kind of grew up in,
29:22and it was more like, yeah, so now you're out of school, and now you live here, and now you
29:27join the softball team,
29:28and you go down to bottom half every Friday night, and it's payday, and you're using it, and blah, blah,
29:32blah.
29:33And I started hanging out in this place in Trenton.
29:36And all these bands, and it was so much creativity.
29:39And I got to the point where I was like, yeah, man, what the fuck am I doing here?
29:43Like, I want this.
29:46I'm not musical, but I want something.
29:48I want to write.
29:49I want to do something.
29:50And so I sold all my shit one day, and I threw it all in a U-Haul.
29:54I was living with a couple of friends down in Trenton, and I just went to New York with a
30:02fucking six-week sublet in an apartment and no plan.
30:06And just, like, locked in.
30:10Got a bunch of odd jobs and started, like, hanging around different areas and went to the comedy cellar and
30:18just saw a night of comedy,
30:19and I was like, that's how my brain works.
30:22That's what I want.
30:24One question I've been asking everyone to wrap up.
30:27What have you learned from your own experience that wasn't, you know, told to you or passed down to you
30:34from being a dad
30:37or something that has helped you in your life that you learned just, you know, on your own?
30:43First of all, that's a fine and dandy question.
30:47I think.
30:47And it's, I wish I had something that practical.
30:56I think what I've learned is that, man, that's such an interesting, like, something that's helped me, I think, is
31:11you can be present for people,
31:15and you can be present in your own life, but you can't fix everything, and you can't control it, either
31:26in yourself or for other people.
31:30And so just being present for them can oftentimes, like, that's enough.
31:37Like, to be present for yourself and to be present for other people feels like, you know, the best version
31:49of a relationship for yourself,
31:52and that, like, as someone who's a bit of a ruminator, and Dave actually helped me with this, Chappelle, he
32:01said, you know, you got to forgive yourself.
32:04And I think it's that knowing the limits for, because the people you love, you know, they're on their own
32:13path, and that, and that, when they're hurting, just be present.
32:21Be present, be present in that moment for them, and not feel like I have to, now I'm the emergency
32:31team that comes in to fix it, because you can.
32:34Right.
32:35And who are you doing it for?
32:38Because that's not, all you can do is be present for them so that they know they're not standing on
32:43quicksand.
32:45They're standing on something solid.
32:47Right.
32:47And that's kind of it.
32:49And sometimes they just need that more than someone to come in with, like, here's what you do.
32:54Yeah.
32:55Right.
32:55Yeah, listen, and listen, you're always trying to offer advice for things when it's asked for.
33:01But I think when you take on that role of, well, you have expressed something to me, and now I
33:12will fix it so that it is no longer friction.
33:14I will create a frictionless environment.
33:17Because I'm your bestest friend.
33:18I'm your bestest friend.
33:19I'm your father.
33:21I'm your husband.
33:22I'm your son.
33:23I will create a frictionless environment, and we will all live on ice.
33:29But it doesn't, you know, it doesn't work that way.
33:32And in many ways, it's not the best thing that they're asking you for anyway.
33:38I think a lot of times people are just asking you to be present.
33:42Right.
33:43Well, thank you.
33:44That's great advice.
33:46And the first time I've heard that one, so that's good.
33:48We've had no repeats so far.
33:50I'm very wary of the day I'm going to be like, sorry, MGK.
33:54No, you know what's going to be great, though?
33:55One day you're just going to get one that's like, I think an apple a day really does.
34:02And I'm being honest here.
34:05I think it does.
34:06The doctor could be, but if you have the apple.
34:11Oh, dude, thank you for taking the time.
34:14I know you're fucking busy as fuck.
34:16And you're one of my favorite people.
34:17And I will send you the invite to the Jimmy Whisperer screening.
34:20That's what I'm talking about, baby.
34:23Love you, brother.
34:24I love you, dude.
34:25I'll text you to bed.
34:26All right.
34:27Beautiful.
34:28Take care, guys.
34:30Bye.
34:34Bye.
34:35Bye.
34:36Bye.
34:43Bye.
34:47Bye.
34:47Bye.
34:48Bye.
34:55Bye.
34:58Bye.
34:59Bye.
34:59Bye.
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