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The Office US S09E20 Paper Airplane Cut 1 H 264
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00:12Oh, hey, champions.
00:14Morning.
00:16Quarterfinals in an hour.
00:17Hope you got some sleep, because I am going to be haunting your nightmares tonight.
00:20I did.
00:21I got some really good sleep.
00:23Did you?
00:28Yesterday was the first round of a branch-wide paper airplane contest.
00:31It was being sponsored by Wirehammer Paper in an effort to get us to sell more of their
00:35new product, Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper.
00:41It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean.
00:45It's practically made of plastic.
00:47We started with 16 brave aviators.
00:50Some use skill.
00:53Others relied on showmanship.
00:56Some buckled under the pressure.
00:59Others seemed not to comprehend what a paper airplane is.
01:02And, of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster.
01:05Yeah, I left my glasses down here somewhere.
01:08Crossing through.
01:09Beep, beep.
01:10Ow!
01:10Ow!
01:12I didn't see you.
01:13You should have yelled crossing.
01:14I'm sorry.
01:18Okay, so is that my spot?
01:20Yeah.
01:20We are now down to an Elite Eight.
01:23Well, Seven and Toby.
01:47Be careful of that beaker.
01:49It contains dangerous acid.
01:50It does not say dangerous, and there's no exclamation point.
01:53Well, I'm just, I'm trying to bring some life to it.
01:57Last week I got an agent, and this week I got a movie.
02:02HRPDC Chemical Handling Protocols is going to be seen by tons of workers in the industrial
02:06chemical community.
02:07One of whom could have a cousin whose brother is Brad Pitt, and then boom, next thing you
02:13know, I'm in Moneyballs 2.
02:17Andy?
02:17Go away.
02:18We're running lines.
02:19You wanted to see the gooey eye.
02:21Oh, yeah.
02:22All right, get over here.
02:24I am so freaked out by things going in to eyes.
02:28It just, wow.
02:35Ah, I can't even.
02:36I'm so freaked out by that.
02:38Just go.
02:39Go, go, go, go, go.
02:39All right.
02:40This can't go here, so we'll just do it later.
02:42Okay.
02:44All right.
02:45Where were we?
02:46It's something full of acid.
02:48And remember, do not attempt to extinguish a chemical fire with water.
02:51It will only exacerbate the flame, the dangerous flame.
02:56That was great, man.
02:57All right, I'm out of here.
02:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
02:59Stop, stop, stop.
03:00Don't go anywhere.
03:01I just need to find more colors.
03:04Let's do it six more times.
03:08Hey.
03:09I just wanted to say that you woke up early with the kids.
03:12And let me sleep.
03:13And I really appreciate that.
03:18I appreciate that you appreciate that.
03:20So, we had couples therapy.
03:23No shame in that.
03:24Get it all out in the open.
03:25And we have homework.
03:26Yes, we are supposed to look for every chance to acknowledge and appreciate each other's sacrifices.
03:31Because I need to appreciate what Pam's been doing to run the house while I'm in Philly.
03:36And we're also supposed to speak our truths.
03:38Because if I had spoken my truth earlier about not wanting to move to Philly, then maybe we wouldn't have
03:44had this opportunity for a couple's therapy.
03:47Oh, we're supposed to call everything we don't want to do opportunities.
03:51Heads up, everyone.
03:52If you really need something for me today, let's get it done tomorrow.
03:57Carla Fern got me a gig.
03:58Hey.
03:59Yeah.
04:00Who's Carla Fern?
04:01Who is Carla Fern?
04:03Well, wow.
04:05She's my agent and my drill sergeant.
04:08And one of my best friends.
04:10Oh, and Oscar.
04:11I already figured out if I have to get emotional in the film, I'm just going to think about you
04:15getting dumped by the senator.
04:16Why don't you use your own life?
04:18I haven't just dumped you.
04:19It's a little raw.
04:21Not cool, Oscar.
04:22But you're just...
04:23Not cool.
04:23Okay.
04:25Day two.
04:26Drama in the warehouse skies.
04:28This is Robert from Weigh-A-Hammer Paper, who will be joining us to judge the final rounds.
04:34Who would have thought there would be two full days of drama here?
04:38You could have just knocked it all out in the morning as far as I'm concerned, but you're the sponsor.
04:43Who's pumped for the quarterfinals, huh?
04:45I'm pumped!
04:46Clark's a dead man.
04:47All right.
04:48Sounds like somebody wants to walk away with this.
04:50Oh, my God!
04:53Nellie, you didn't tell us we could win money.
04:55Oh, yes, I did.
04:57I told you all.
04:59It was...
05:00Because that's an awful lot of money for me to forget.
05:03Not one of us remembers you saying anything about $2,000.
05:07I forgot.
05:08I completely forgot.
05:10But at least now that large piece of cardboard that man was carrying around makes sense.
05:13Nellie, this is a competition.
05:16Please take it seriously.
05:17Oh, please.
05:19Me?
05:20Oh, I'm fine.
05:22I mean, sure, times are leaner now that I'm separated from the senator.
05:25But my new studio apartment is just fine for me and Phillip and Tinky and Krinklepuss and Bandit 2 and
05:36Pollock Baggins and Lady Aragorn and their tin kittens.
05:45I had a chance with Dwight, but I didn't take it.
05:48And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those
05:55gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer.
05:59I offered myself to Angela, and she turned me down.
06:02If she changes her mind, the next move is hers.
06:05I'm with Esther now.
06:06She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field.
06:12Let's be honest.
06:13When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent.
06:23Andy, you couldn't have done it before.
06:25I want to look good.
06:27Come on.
06:28Jeez.
06:29Oh, hey, if they interview you for the behind-the-scenes, talk about how much we laughed on set.
06:37My hands are really sweaty.
06:39I think it's because it's so hot.
06:41It's 50 degrees outside.
06:44When my hands sweat, I squeeze ice cubes.
06:46It makes them sweat less.
06:47Really?
06:48Can you go on an ice run when we get there?
06:50You do know I'm missing work for this.
06:55It's day two of a paper airplane contest.
06:57I think we're okay.
06:59Fair point.
07:04Oh, wide wings.
07:05Interesting.
07:06Hey, why don't you back off?
07:10I mean, best of luck to you in the competition.
07:23Hey, don't look.
07:25Growing up in an orphanage, you have to fight other kids for everything.
07:29Snacks.
07:30Pillows.
07:31Parents.
07:32I'm kind of worried about Pete seeing that side of me.
07:35I once ripped greedy Susan's pigtail right off her head.
07:38Just for a handful of Chris Bix.
07:41Is this the right place?
07:42This is it.
07:43You sure?
07:44This looks like a drug deal is going down.
07:48Oh, there's Carla Fern.
07:57Who's this guy?
07:59This is Daryl.
08:00He's with me.
08:00He's my friend.
08:01And he's very honored to be here.
08:03Are you in that paper documentary too?
08:06Yep.
08:07You need an agent?
08:09No.
08:10He's never acted in anything before.
08:12He's just my entourage.
08:15I was in the weirs in high school.
08:17That's the clicky-clacker.
08:19He clicks that and then the guy says action.
08:23Hey, I made him get you a chair.
08:25All my clients sit.
08:28Can I take your picture?
08:33I guess it's starting.
08:35Um, yeah.
08:36Uh, of course.
08:39Yeah, sure.
08:39Tell you what.
08:40I'll put my arm around you and then I can take it.
08:42We just need a picture of the top of your head in case we burn some of your hair off.
08:47Got it.
08:48I'm ready for my close-up, miss.
08:50What's your name?
08:51Robert Tunde.
08:59I'll just keep it down until...
09:02Okay.
09:24Okay, next up, we have two creatures, great and small, Kevin versus Angela.
09:30Yes. Hey, that is a really nice plane. You make that yourself?
09:40Uh-huh.
09:41Well, what am I thinking? Of course you made that yourself, because it's in the rules that you have to
09:47fold your own plane.
09:50Of course.
09:52Kevin, did you make that yourself?
09:56Yes, in a way, from one that I bought on Craigslist.
10:01Oh, man.
10:02I call for a refold!
10:03No.
10:05Really?
10:05You can't do that. Thank you.
10:08This is flatter.
10:09It's a piece of paper. You fold it into an airplane.
10:14Okay, that's enough. This is the end of the ring now. You have to pick one.
10:17I can't. I love them all too much. And none of them fly, so that makes it harder.
10:24You have to choose one now.
10:28Fine.
10:33Angela advances.
10:34Nice.
10:37Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadn't noticed.
10:43I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep making planes until one of them flies, like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher.
10:55An Earl Grey tea for the lady.
10:58Oh, thank you. Um, I acknowledge and appreciate that you went out of your way to get me tea.
11:04Thank you. I like being appreciated. But, to speak my truth, it wasn't out of the way, because I felt
11:10like a tea anyway. So, one trip.
11:14Well, to speak my truth, I switched to coffee in March. There's a new espresso machine. But I still acknowledge
11:24and appreciate the gesture.
11:28She was happy with tea for ten years, and then just like that. Huh.
11:39She still likes yogurt, though, right?
11:43The genius of it is, in this scenario, the actors act as co-owners. We already trademarked the name. Act
11:51-lead.
11:52Terrible idea.
11:53Act-lead.
11:54Ta-da! Meet the lab assistant.
11:58Dude, what's with the clown face?
12:00It's professional stage makeup. Keeps from washing out under the harsh lights. I learned it when I was Nakey-Poo
12:05in the Mikado.
12:06Andrew Bernard?
12:09What's on your face?
12:10A little oreo grace pint, governor. Lashes so separately.
12:15Um, I'm going to need him to take this off immediately, okay?
12:18Okay.
12:19Question. Is it too dark? Because this is Trinidad. I also have Brazilian Matador or Man of Athens.
12:27Yeah, how about no makeup at all? No makeup.
12:29No makeup. Great. I can do that. But, question. New to the area. Is there a makeup remover store nearby?
12:36Uh, you'll just use soap.
12:38Uh, I apologize, sir. We're-we're sorry.
12:40Okay.
12:40Can I just take this from you?
12:42Yes, ma'am.
12:43You got it on the coat.
12:44He'll pay for it.
12:46Those are $22.
12:53We are rolling and action.
12:56This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols.
13:01These protocols could save you from severe injury, even death.
13:05If you-
13:05Um, stop. Um, why are you smiling?
13:08I just made a character choice to be a scientist who really likes what he does
13:12and enjoys his job.
13:14Okay, well, maybe no smiling on this one.
13:17So how do you want-
13:18How should I do it?
13:19I don't know. Just like you're reporting the news or something.
13:21Yeah. Okay.
13:22Action.
13:23This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols.
13:29Okay.
13:29This is Tom Brokaw. It's a newscaster. Come on.
13:31Who is it?
13:32Tom Brokaw.
13:33Alright, save that for the blooper reel.
13:34There's no blooper reel.
13:36There's gonna be a blooper reel.
13:38No, there's not.
13:38Nope.
13:39No blooper reel.
13:39It's not even up to you guys. They just do them.
13:41Yeah.
13:41We're doing this.
13:42Alright.
13:43Okay, so how do you want me to do it?
13:44Like, it's an industrial safety video, okay?
13:47Got it.
13:48Got it.
13:48Rolling and action.
13:52This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols.
13:55You're smiling again.
13:56By the way, just so I know, which of these ladies are single?
14:00No.
14:05Come on.
14:06I'm beat by a frickin' Cyclops.
14:08Oh wait, did mine go farther?
14:09My Tef perception's all off.
14:11What's happened now?
14:12That one won.
14:14What?
14:14Him?
14:15Really?
14:16Toby?
14:17An achievement?
14:20Yes.
14:20Yes.
14:22Alright, dude.
14:24Oh, Jesus.
14:24I'm sorry.
14:25I'm sorry.
14:26Just stop touching me.
14:27Oh my God.
14:28Ah!
14:28Guys, quit palin' around.
14:30Just throw the friggin' airplane.
14:31What?
14:32What?
14:33Throw the airplane.
14:34Contest.
14:35It's a contest.
14:35No, Erin's not competitive.
14:38She's just...
14:38Let's get this cotton-picking show on the road, mother .
14:44Calm down, Phyllis.
14:46Next up, we have Clark and Erin.
14:50Make it so.
14:51Patrick Stewart.
14:52Family friend.
14:54Come on, Clark.
14:55Come on, Clark.
14:58Okay, not bad.
14:59Not bad.
15:00Yeah, I'm actually just really good at this motion.
15:02Uh, when I was ten, I spent the summer with my uncle in England.
15:06And, uh, he would take me to the pub and let me throw darts.
15:09And if I got a bull's egg, give me a sip of beer.
15:11So, I got really good at darts.
15:15But that's the summer I kind of stopped growing.
15:19Whoa!
15:20Yeah!
15:21Oh!
15:22Eat it, baby!
15:23Eat it!
15:24Oink, oink, oink, oink!
15:25We still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil.
15:28I can't hear what you said!
15:30Do you get your slap?
15:32You know what?
15:33This is completely unnecessary.
15:34You already won.
15:35Erin.
15:35Just stop.
15:36Erin.
15:37What?
15:37Relax.
15:38Next up, we have Dwight and Phyllis.
15:40Yeah!
15:41Man of the earth versus woman of girth.
15:43Hey.
15:44Oh.
15:45Oh, I'm sorry.
15:46Look, if you have an attribute that rhymes with earth, I'd be happy to use it.
15:50Um, mirth.
15:51Oh.
15:52Let's be real.
15:54You can do it, baby!
15:56No, you can't, baby!
15:58I'm gonna choke.
16:02Oh.
16:03Well, I better get back to work.
16:05We'll get him next year.
16:06What?
16:06Next year?
16:07No, we're not doing this next year, are we?
16:09We're not doing this next year.
16:11Watch and learn.
16:13Oh, wow.
16:14Woo!
16:16Dwight defeats Phyllis.
16:17Dwight, you are through to the semifinals.
16:19Yes!
16:20Woo!
16:20All right.
16:21Oh, Esther.
16:22Hey.
16:23Hey.
16:24Hey.
16:25Hey.
16:26Hey.
16:28You're here early.
16:29Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast, because I knew I was seeing you tonight.
16:32So, there might just be a little bit of feather in your nuggets or just a little bit of meat
16:36inside of your pillow.
16:37I like a little feather in my nuggets.
16:41All right, ladies and gentlemen, we are now down to the final four.
16:45Dwight, Erin, Angela, and God only knows how, but Toby.
16:50One of you will walk away with $2,000.
16:55Yeah!
16:56Okay, here you have just knocked over the beaker, the chemicals splashed in your eye.
17:01Which is insanely painful.
17:03Yeah.
17:03And I've already picked a few childhood memories to tap into to really express that pain.
17:08That's great.
17:09So, what you're going to do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just
17:13kind of flush out your eyes, you know, get the chemicals out, all right?
17:18So, I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later.
17:24What water special effect?
17:25Yeah, just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs.
17:31Just like that.
17:32I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts.
17:36I'll get nude if you want me to.
17:38I'll go fully in a denim, but I...
17:40Dude, we don't need you to go nude, okay?
17:42Absolutely not.
17:43We just do the eye wash thing, okay?
17:44That's all we're asking here.
17:49Daryl, what do I do?
17:51Hold up.
17:51I'm looking at my spit in the microscope.
17:52They want me to use real water in the eye wash scene.
17:56So?
17:56I can't squirt stuff in my eyeball.
17:59I've never even used an eyedropper.
18:00So, Andy?
18:01You saw how to use this.
18:03Step on the pedal.
18:04Water squirts in your eyes.
18:08Carla!
18:11Carla!
18:12All right, you lucky people.
18:14It is time for the semifinals.
18:17And I'm going to be perfectly honest with you.
18:19The tension could be thicker.
18:21It is time for a little T and A.
18:24I give you Toby and Angela.
18:27Here we go.
18:30I really need to win this.
18:31Yeah?
18:32I could really use the $2,000.
18:34I could buy a home gym.
18:35Okay.
18:36Okay?
18:36I know I'd use it because I'd see it every day.
18:39Toby.
18:43Oh, my God!
18:47Oh, my God!
18:48Okay, it's your turn.
18:56I have lost a lot in my life.
19:00I know what about to lose feels like.
19:03And it's awful.
19:05Well, Angela is the winner.
19:07Yes!
19:11Is there a reason that we're excited for that little woman?
19:14Yes, I pity her.
19:15She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all.
19:20And instead, she lost everything.
19:22Hmm.
19:23Is she a gambler?
19:24In a way.
19:24But not in a stand-up-and-cheer kind of way like this all.
19:28Hmm.
19:29That is sad.
19:31Look, I've got these bumper stickers.
19:32Doubt that'll make you excited, but there they are.
19:35There we go.
19:36Oh, look, now.
19:37Now we're excited.
19:38Now the bumper stickers are here.
19:39Look at that.
19:40That's all we needed.
19:41Bumper stickers.
19:43Andy, if you don't stick your eyes in that machine,
19:46I'm gonna call every production in Northeastern Pennsylvania.
19:50You won't even make an appearance on a security camera!
19:59What's the hold up here?
20:01The actor's crying.
20:03Oh, God.
20:09She's yelling at me.
20:12I can't wash my eyeball.
20:14I can't do that.
20:15I can't.
20:16Andy Bernard can't squirt water in his eye and act like it doesn't freak him out.
20:21But you know who can?
20:24Older male lab assistant number one.
20:27You believe in me.
20:30I believe.
20:32I want to go home.
20:36Yeah!
20:38Okay!
20:39Beat that!
20:51Damn it!
20:52Damn it!
20:53God!
20:54Sorry!
20:55Yeah, I'm fine.
20:56I'm fine.
20:56Okay.
20:57I got mad.
20:58Yeah.
20:58Because I don't like losing.
20:59Pete, I'm just gonna...
21:01Sorry, I'm mad.
21:02Pete, I'm mad.
21:02I'm really mad.
21:03I wanted to win.
21:03We were gonna win a lot of money.
21:04I was gonna buy you a sweater, so it's stupid.
21:06It's just the whole contest is stupid.
21:08Yeah.
21:08That's how it feels.
21:09Oh!
21:10Sorry!
21:11I'm mad!
21:11I don't like losing.
21:13I thought I was going to win.
21:14Okay.
21:15Hey, wait.
21:16Sorry.
21:17Sorry.
21:18I'm gonna go upstairs and just...
21:20Oh, I made us a date to take my mom out to dinner to thank her for all that extra
21:24babysitting.
21:25Well, you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to hang out with your mom more, so let me just
21:30put this in my calendar.
21:31I acknowledge with gratitude that you are being kind and responsible enough to include it in your calendar.
21:37Your mom is a treasure.
21:39Well, I appreciate that some opportunities can be...
21:42Hey, wait.
21:43Did Cole Hamels call back or what?
21:46Great.
21:46Good.
21:47To speak my truth, I'd appreciate if you hung that up because we were in the middle of a conversation.
21:55I appreciate the sacrifice.
21:59Okay.
22:00To speak my truth, that was a little sarcastic.
22:02I think that's a little unfair.
22:04Really?
22:05I've been putting the kids to bed by myself every night for months, and you had to miss one phone
22:10call.
22:10Is that your truth, Jim?
22:12That's really your truth?
22:13I guess I will swallow my truth.
22:16Are you guys high?
22:18Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your
22:26kind buds.
22:27We're not high.
22:29I wish we'd started this exercise six months ago.
22:32My heart just feels so... blocked up.
22:37I want to believe that talking like robots will help, but robots aren't really known for their emotional connections.
22:46Although, R2-D2 and C3PO were very attached.
22:51Is that where we're headed?
22:54Hey.
22:57The Mark 47 is ready for launch.
23:05Left.
23:06Paste.
23:11Here we go.
23:13Rolling and action.
23:22And cut.
23:24We can fix the sound in post.
23:25Yeah.
23:26I can do a better one.
23:27That's fine.
23:28We'll move on.
23:28I said I can do a better one.
23:31Daryl?
23:33Action.
23:47Kid can act.
23:51Yeah.
23:52Yeah.
23:54And then there were two.
23:57People interested in this contest.
24:00Angela and Dwight, please fold your planes.
24:03Dwight, you are so good at this.
24:05You're gonna need to dig us a bigger money hole.
24:08A lot of it has to do with luck.
24:10Well, you know, I'm really the lucky one here because I found you.
24:15Okay.
24:21I don't need this win.
24:22I've got a lucrative job, an enormous farm, and this building.
24:25Angela has nothing but a child who, while adorable, won't bring in revenue for another five or six years.
24:33Each contestant will throw two airplanes?
24:36Actually, it's best of three.
24:37Oh, no.
24:38No.
24:38Two is already twice as many as any normal person would find interesting.
24:41Right?
24:42Whosoever plane goes the longest distance is the winner.
24:44After you.
24:49Oh, God.
24:52Angela's first throw.
24:54Terrible.
24:55Dwight.
24:58Oh!
24:59Oh, man.
25:00It slipped out of my hand.
25:01What a whiff.
25:02How'd that happen?
25:03God.
25:05We want you to win.
25:06Dwight told me about your situation.
25:08It's such a pity.
25:09Just...
25:10Use the money wisely.
25:13Okay.
25:14Okay.
25:18Alright.
25:21Don't you dare tank this.
25:40And we have a winner.
25:42And it's Dwight.
25:43And it is everyone, because this is over.
25:47Two grand, huh?
25:49I know a guy can turn that into $800.
25:52And it's me.
25:54Well, I guess you needed the money more than me.
25:57Huh?
25:58Use it wisely.
26:02I was disappointed in Dwight today.
26:04He showed a weakness that was unbecoming.
26:07Even if he did do it for me.
26:10I don't need pity.
26:11And I don't need charity.
26:13I have my dignity.
26:15And that's enough.
26:16And as long as I have that, I'll be okay.
26:30You know, this was really weird.
26:32And it was really hard.
26:34But I think we're making progress.
26:38So I'm really sorry that I have to go.
26:40But let's keep at this.
26:44Okay?
26:45Okay.
27:04Let's go.
27:07Let's go.
27:20Let's go.
27:27Jim!
27:36Thanks.
27:38All right.
27:38Have a good trip.
27:39Bye.
27:39Bye.
27:43Bye.
27:43Bye.
27:51I...
28:09Love suffers long and is kind.
28:12It is not proud.
28:14Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and is not proud.
28:22It endures all things.
28:23Love never fails.
28:26Love never fails.
28:27And now these three remain.
28:29Faith, hope, and love.
28:31Love.
28:32But the greatest of these, is love.
28:43Love you.
28:51This is it.
28:53This is the one.
28:58Crossing.
28:59Ow!
29:02Oh, why?
29:07Why?
29:10Can you stay out of the way, please?
29:15And the Oscar for Best Performance in a Dramatic Safety Video
29:19goes to Sir Marlon Brandrew Bernard.
29:25Hey, Andy, you have six messages from David Wallace.
29:29Oh, fudge bottle.
29:30And one from Carla Fern.
29:33Oh, okay. I'll take that.
29:36Do you not want these?
29:39If you asked me six months ago
29:41if I thought that Andy Bernard can make it as an actor,
29:44I would have said, no way.
29:48Watch where you're going, please.
29:51What do you say?
29:52But now, I think anyone can do it.
29:57You've been Andy.
29:59Oh, okay.
30:00Oh, okay.
30:18Oh, okay.
30:22Okay, The complaining.
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