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00:25It has recently come to my attention that
00:27I may never again have power over another human being.
00:37My students who once fell over themselves to impress me
00:42now consider my teachings out of touch.
00:52My daughter, who used to worship me, now finds my entire personhood rather
00:58useless.
01:01And while it may be possible that a man might make a concession for me,
01:06I may not be the cause of the spontaneous erection ever again.
01:13As an older woman, truly what is more embarrassing,
01:17I will have lost the ability to captivate.
01:32I find this very sad.
01:35Don't you?
01:39What the fuck?
01:41What the...
01:41Sorry.
01:56We're making a harvest salad for the faculty retreat.
02:00It'll be my thirtieth year at the college.
02:04And thus will be my thirtieth faculty retreat.
02:08But...
02:10I came in utero.
02:12So...
02:13It's a real fuck you salad.
02:16The kind that makes everyone a bit embarrassed about what they brought.
02:18Yeah, just that.
02:20This one?
02:20Yeah.
02:23There you go.
02:48Today might be fun, there is a bit of a sex scandal.
02:53Liaisons between a professor and his students.
03:01And as luck would have it,
03:04the professor in question happens to be my husband.
03:11Okay.
03:12And the Title IX situation.
03:16Andre, you have an update?
03:19Okay.
03:20Without beating around the bush.
03:23The number of accusers has risen to six.
03:26Six young women.
03:28Well, they're not as young anymore.
03:29And the number of signatures on the petition demanding for John's removal is...
03:34Wow.
03:35Over one thousand with alumni support.
03:37What?
03:38When I was in college, I wanted to fuck all my professors.
03:42Old, young, male, female, but...
03:45I was too timid.
03:47As George Bernard Shaw once said,
03:50a firm ass is wasted on the young.
03:56Here we are.
03:59Did I tell you once I walked into his office ages ago,
04:03and boom, there was a girl with her bosom all over his face, like...
04:08What's that called again?
04:09Being a sexual predator?
04:11It was a different time.
04:12Was it?
04:13Sweetie, was it now?
04:14No, it was different.
04:16Guys, uh...
04:17Oh, waterboarding.
04:18No, it was not waterboarding.
04:19I think motorboarding is the correct term.
04:21What?
04:22No.
04:22It's motorboarding.
04:23I'm looking it up.
04:24Motorboarding.
04:25All one word.
04:25Folks, let's just not...
04:30Okay.
04:31Let's go in.
04:34John's suspension will remain in effect until the hearing, date TBD.
04:39There's a report being, um, assembled.
04:41Uh, but I want to congratulate David on stepping in as our chair so quickly.
04:46You're doing super.
04:48How's that offer, David?
04:49Go, David.
04:50Motorboating is the act of pushing one's face in between two ample breasts and rocking one's head side to side
04:56very rapidly while making a vigorous brrr sound.
05:01Oh.
05:02I present to you academia.
05:05Okay.
05:05There might be something in the...
05:06Oh, my friends.
05:06I'm so sorry.
05:08I had the wrong time.
05:09I can't believe it.
05:10We were just moving on.
05:11Carry on.
05:12Um, David, is there an extra chair or, uh...
05:15Hey, excuse me.
05:17See, what?
05:19I forget.
05:20Have you met?
05:21Vladimir Vladinsky?
05:23Oh.
05:24Our, our new, um, assistant professor?
05:28Uh, no.
05:29No, we have not, uh, met.
05:32Please, sit.
05:33Oh.
05:34I'm fine.
05:35Well, I need to stand for my back.
05:36Plus, seniority.
05:39Well, I'll pretend you didn't say that last part, but, uh...
05:43Okay.
05:44And moving on.
05:45I meant from an employment standpoint.
05:48Oh, I'm joking.
05:49We still need two more volunteers for the Meckleburgs.
05:53How are your groceries?
05:54Oh.
05:55This is really good.
05:55Put away.
05:57Page six.
05:57Nice.
05:58The values of our English department.
06:00Be respectful.
06:01Bad luck to leave your back on the floor.
06:05Be concise.
06:06Maintain confidentiality.
06:08Engage constructively.
06:10Maintain perspectives.
06:11Any questions?
06:13The more you say.
06:25Oh, they went crazy for my salad.
06:28Devoured it.
06:29So, uh...
06:30Ooh.
06:31David's Frito Pie.
06:34Do you want some?
06:35I'm no-go on gluten, unfortunately.
06:38Do you suffer from celiacs?
06:40My son's friend suffers from celiacs.
06:42More like body dysmorphia.
06:44Oh.
06:47Thank you again for the chair.
06:49Oh, it's my pleasure.
06:50They say sitting kills.
06:52Oh, so I've heard.
06:53Have you tried one of those standing desks?
06:56No, but I should.
06:57Shouldn't have.
06:57I don't know.
06:58Should you?
06:59Might be good for my quads.
07:00Oh.
07:03Um...
07:04How are you adjusting to life in the countryside?
07:07To be honest, I'm really struggling.
07:10Oh, my God.
07:12Oh, hey.
07:14Oh, my God.
07:15Uh...
07:16Hi, hi, hi.
07:17I'm Cynthia.
07:18Oh, you're teaching for us, too, right?
07:21You've got one class.
07:22Hi.
07:22Uh, I fucking love your novel.
07:24Truly fucking formative.
07:26I've been so excited to meet you.
07:28Oh, well, I'm a big disappointment.
07:31Fun.
07:32Me, too.
07:33Sorry, I would have been here sooner, but our daughter defecated inside of her clothing.
07:38Oh, no.
07:40I've been telling him that he has to read your book.
07:42Well, I haven't read his book yet, so we're even.
07:45Uh, it's not as good as yours.
07:46Oh.
07:47Uh, thank you.
07:48Well, why don't you come over for cocktails sometime this week, and we can swap copies.
07:53Mm-hmm.
07:53Both of you.
07:54Oh, yeah.
07:55I don't drink, but he loves to when I'm not around.
07:58Well, we don't have to drink.
08:00Oh, no, no, no.
08:00I, I very much, I want him to drink.
08:02It's, uh, it's good for him.
08:04Yeah.
08:05Oops.
08:05Oh, sorry.
08:06Sorry.
08:07May I borrow these two for one moment?
08:08Oh, yes.
08:09I'll send you an email.
08:10Okay.
08:10Yeah.
08:11Since Vladimir's full-time, uh, this'll affect him more than you.
08:14There's just some 401k paperwork.
08:17I'm so pretty.
08:18Don't you think she had a lot of trouble for him?
08:20It's really unfair.
08:21I have a terrible position to be in.
08:23I feel so sick, unconscionable that she didn't say anything about it yet.
08:28But, you know, I guess it's not surprising.
08:33I'm worried about it.
08:40Be good.
08:44Hey, I have a question.
08:48I might have an answer?
08:49Did you actually see the report?
08:53Sure did.
08:55Will you send it to me?
08:59Please?
09:01Okay.
09:03Thanks.
09:04Oh, enjoy.
09:35Scandalous.
09:44Scandalous.
09:51It's very hard for me to understand how...
09:55Did you salt these?
09:56Yes.
09:58Consensual affairs that were fun.
10:01Not despite the power dynamic, but because of the power dynamic, could be thought of as hurtful or damaging after
10:09the fact.
10:09Did you put something else on them?
10:11Human.
10:12Oh, fuck.
10:14As a fellow female, I'm a little offended.
10:19I want to tell these women that when they're sad, it's probably not because of the sex they had, and
10:25more because they spend too much time on the internet wondering what people think about them.
10:29Fresh meats.
10:32Here we go.
10:35All right?
10:42To be clear, John and I have always had an arrangement.
10:45The kids today would call it an open marriage, but without all the awful communication.
10:51Did they read my letter?
10:52It didn't come up.
10:54Do you think you could deal with the compost before next Sunday?
10:56No!
10:57Move it along, buddy!
10:59They need to read the letter.
11:00It's been ten years since I even looked at a co-ed.
11:03Are we in the 1960s?
11:05Why are you calling them co-eds?
11:07Oh, and they're setting a date for the hearing.
11:09Good.
11:10Because I never broke the rules.
11:12Technically.
11:13Exactly.
11:15Could you bring me a towel, please?
11:21You didn't answer.
11:23Can you deal with the compost before next Sunday?
11:26Maybe.
11:27Did you meet the new professors?
11:29Our replacements?
11:30They're not our replacements.
11:31Let's hope.
11:33Anyway, yes, I met them.
11:35They are young and fresh-faced and full of promise.
11:38We'll beat that at them.
11:39Vlad, the husband.
11:41He's coming over for cocktails next Sunday.
11:43I can get a better read.
11:44Well, Sid's here.
11:45Oh, damn it.
11:47Okay, I'll reschedule.
11:50When Sid comes.
11:51Mm-hmm.
11:52With this whole thing, let's not say anything to her.
11:56Look.
11:57Our daughter doesn't need to know about this whole thing.
11:59The dinner on Saturday, Salmon.
12:03Yeah, I'll do it on the grill.
12:05Mm-hmm.
12:05I'll get some fresh stuff from the farm stand.
12:07We can use my lettuce.
12:08It's almost ready to pick.
12:09Sure.
12:11And make some pasta or something.
12:13I can't eat just fish and veggies.
12:15I'll waste away.
12:15I'm considering giving up gluten.
12:19Please don't.
12:21Why not?
12:26I don't want to talk to Sid about it.
12:33I know this hasn't been easy for you.
12:36Mm-hmm.
12:36Mm-hmm.
12:37I appreciate what you're doing.
12:39That's all I'm saying.
12:40Mm-hmm.
12:42It's such sentiment.
12:43Seriously.
12:44Look, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just doing what I've always done.
12:49Get it hot.
12:52Get it hot.
12:55For years now, John and I have been a golden couple on campus.
12:59Get it hot like Papa John.
13:02Me, the poetry scholar and charismatic chair.
13:06And me, the desperately sought-after professor of creative writing
13:10and passionate instructor of the most popular class in the department.
13:18what's up bitches women in american fiction a bit broad don't you think
13:28that was a pun
13:36two cappuccinos did you get soy soy thank you perfect dairy
13:43so um we were talking before and we did want to kind of say something oh yes that's what i
13:54want
13:55please sorry you're fine am i um we just wanted to um offer that you
14:08don't have to do the whole supportive wife thing
14:15wow okay say more like like we just think you're this hot brilliant lady like like we think you're
14:26really hot yeah and um we just think you don't have to like stand by your man
14:36my dear dear friends i am so flattered by your concern
14:57this man and i once had an affair
15:00in meetings if i was wearing the right pair of pants i could make myself orgasm just by looking
15:06need his profile time can make things simpler if you know what i mean ready for action just
15:15about hey actually um i spoke to a group of students who said you met today um i just am
15:24actually concerned about them like they said they were really anxious talking to you okay
15:29just because like some like survivors are often not believed by enablers who are often older women
15:37david so i just think we need to be like really thoughtful of what we're putting the students
15:41through sorry were they anxious to speak to me or are they anxious after they spoke to me
15:46i didn't get confirmation on that when i hear anxious that's like noteworthy okay okay flo i know
15:53you're new i've been here for eight years so maybe you don't know how things work but
15:57i'm going to request that you not speak to me about this in unofficial ways for perhaps
16:01ever sorry is that okay and david do you think you could eat the snack food products that literally
16:07fell on the floor any louder hi hi ready for action we'll see where do they put you upstairs
16:16i got them in 406 oh my old office oh that's why the vibes are so good
16:33sorry i didn't mean to interrupt oh no no an interruption was exactly what we needed
16:42okay okay okay okay you have everything right okay you have everything right mom hi hi
17:04oh you smell good let me look at you oh you look so cool where's alexis she's coming tomorrow
17:12on the train she bought a car how grown up she's 35 you were 35 i was like 8 you
17:18had tenure and
17:19now you're 27 and i just turned 40 it's incredible age jokes are lame mom
17:27so alexis is starting to want to talk about having a kid
17:32oh yeah okay i mean you're awfully young i'm like the same age as you were oh but that was
17:40a different
17:40time alexis is already a geriatric pregnancy right but for you no i know in new york i'd be like
17:46a teen
17:46mom might be kind of hot a child is serious no i was joking just because your partner wants
17:52something doesn't mean it's right for you mom i like alexis i love alexis please just stop talking
17:57i just don't think you should let her steamroll she's not steamrolling me we're just talking about
18:02it why i'm still paying your student loans okay mom oh my god i'm so sorry i told you next
18:08time
18:08i'm just not going to tell you anything so that is awesome for our relationship thank you mom
18:12oh listen honey i'm sorry i'm stressed you're fine please don't tell me i'm fine
18:20you want to stop at the bakery with me just drop me off please
18:39a former student i had to fail
18:53may i get a bouche de noël we only have the 12 inch oh perfect it's my daughter's favorite
19:00she'll she didn't come to class and she didn't do the work it wasn't personal
19:11may i pay now can i box it up first please of course take your time
19:21tap your card
19:28oh i'm sorry you're fine everything aside i was like where is your self-respect
19:38it's like greek theater it's the ors diet no it's not it's a family drama
19:43where every action sets off a consequence that then has to be reckoned with
19:47what's more greek caitlin is clytemnestra chloe is electra
19:51where are the furies this is an amazing conversation imagine growing up with them
19:55i love pop culture yay pop culture but it is not a greek tragedy
20:00i mean the whole point of tragedy is taking something unwieldy and submitting it to a structure
20:05which is exactly what they're doing with the kardashians no john something that is open-ended
20:09cannot be compared to a greek tragedy they're ontologically and phenomenologically opposed
20:13don't talk dirty to me the definition of tragedy is a single complete and whole action look here's the
20:19thing your mother cannot grasp evolving forms what yeah she's never been an independent thinker never
20:23been her strength she likes stuff to be time-tested so that she doesn't have to actively evaluate it
20:28please stop she wants everything to be mr winced old lady parsons glove how scandalous stalking long
20:34for lily but she died making hats you know his name is selden why are you making fun of me
20:39she's just
20:40stuck up there in her ivory tower well at least i'm in the tower john at least i'm inside the
20:44tower unlike
20:45you who is not in the tower who is no longer allowed in the fucking tower because you took little
20:50girls into the tower hey what your father is suspended from teaching because he had sex with students and i
20:58have to deal with all of his mess people judging me talking about me students feeling anxious
21:04and you can sit there and mock me guys what do you have to deal with you just want me
21:09to hang
21:09around long enough to get my pension and get the out of your life what's happening oh that's right
21:14that's correct john i i've spent 30 years living with you and working with you and all i want on
21:19this
21:19whole blessed earth is to be alone but now you're gonna lose your pension because you got motorboated by a
21:2621 year old communications major and i'm gonna be stuck with you walking around my house with your
21:32low-slung balls hanging out of your goddamn shorts for the rest of my life stop oh my god
21:41i'm so sorry sweetie it's it's it's not that bad i i knew about it you knew about it well
21:50i mean not
21:51specifics we had an open marriage mom what the what i'm an only child ma ma there were three of
22:00us
22:00in the house and you just keep something like that for me we we talked about telling you knew he
22:06was
22:06fucking stupid hey it was it was not against the rules you know who else vaguely knew something bad
22:12was happening the freaking germans in world war ii that is not an appropriate comparison i'm leaving but
22:18i bought a bouche de noel i'll take it to go but i wanted some then keep it just leave
22:23her a slice
22:26sid sid sid honey let's talk about this did you get the cake did you leave me a piece
22:35this is unacceptable behavior this is a 48-dollar cake
22:59just get out of here this is my house too find somewhere else to sleep tonight john please i'm
23:06serious i'm done it's over no more supportive wife no more staying in the course it's over i'm done calm
23:12down get the fuck out of here get out of here
23:18it's a maniac fine
23:38do you believe the novel is still relevant in our cultural discourse i guess i often
23:44think about what vladimir volkoff said in an interview he said something like uh i don't wish
23:51to touch hearts wanted me to be an engineer so tell us what's next for you i'm teaching actually and
23:59uh yes as you said my wife is also a writer we met in iowa and yes there are huge
24:05benefits to that
24:06because we both understand the process but of course with a young child it also makes it really
24:40fucking hard
24:43If I can't have power, can I at least be free from other people's drama?
24:52Free from their behavior, free from their needs and their desires.
25:04Is that selfish?
25:07I've just come to the time in my life when I don't want to have to think about anyone else.
25:36Is this still a good time?
26:05So ceaselessly, could it be he's taken over me?
26:17I'm dancing band, but heading for a spin.
26:23Some strange music draws me in, makes me come on like some heroine.
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