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00:16The book Yoni Shakti I wrote between 2010 and 2012 and Yoni Shakti is a woman's guide
00:26to power and freedom through yoga and tantra it's about bringing people back into a respectful
00:34reconnection with the rhythms of earth and their vitality of life I was interested to see who else
00:43is connecting to these practices and that is how I found out about the school in Denmark and I was
00:51like that is interesting so I put a two-line reference almost like a footnote and I didn't
00:59think any more about it until 2020 when I was contacted by a reader and she expressed horror
01:08because she had been studying at that school and knew about the terrible things that had happened
01:15and then from that I connected with other people who'd had similar experiences so they all were
01:21saying the same kind of thing so I found their website and this little Danish yoga studio was
01:31actually part of this Atman International Federation there are members across the world and when you
01:40look on each one each one has got a different name in Romania it's called Lisa in Sweden it's also
01:48called
01:48Nata yoga so when you get to England Tara so you wouldn't know that's anything to do with it and
01:56at
01:56this point I was like oh my god it's everywhere it was my life okay this is 10 years ago
02:07for me but
02:08there are still women going through this now they claim that it was consensual and frame me as a liar
02:18I wanted to move to kind of leave from this position I was and he grabbed both my wrists and
02:23put them
02:24on the bed like be quiet this felt like I've got to get out of here I couldn't take any
02:29more at that
02:29point he is portrayed as sexually obsessed this is what we see from the files the testimony of Ashley
02:40he's the missing piece that I needed just watch them squirt it started and ended with him
03:14July 2019 when I left Paris I guess I knew that there was sexual abuse happening but I didn't at
03:23that point piece together trafficking but I was just on this kind of constant reading rampage becoming
03:31really kind of obsessed with understanding it more and more the school was still operating everything
03:38was fine and I just knew that every single day more and more women were going through those same
03:43experiences and being sent to Paris so I actually got in contact with me and basically revealed why
03:52she had left the school I was just up the fuck is going on so I confronted the main coordinators
04:02from
04:02Sweden and they're just like it's all lies I think he sort of thought he could make some change from
04:10within and that perhaps people would understand and they could break free from Bivalaru and continue all
04:15the good parts of the school and he wasn't able to recognize that Bivalaru was the school the response
04:22was our belief is so strong that we will do whatever it takes and we will support him no matter
04:28what and in
04:29that moment I just felt like this this shudder and this coldness come over me just thinking like
04:34that's the sort of indoctrination that leads people to drink kool-aid that's the Jonestown's sort of
04:40ideology of you're so aligned with this individual that you would do whatever it takes at whatever cost to
04:49protect him and I just got so scared I thought holy shit these they're gone so it was around May
05:012020 that I first spoke out hi everyone I'm Ashley and I run the cult awareness page this is the
05:07first
05:08story there was a lot of fear of being judged or misunderstood at the time there was so much fear
05:13in me and I was still trying to understand what had happened and I still wasn't sure where I sat
05:17and
05:17how I felt about it and I was kind of oscillating between being really certain that something was
05:22wrong and that I'd left a cult and then also at other times wondering if I was wrong to leave
05:28and
05:29that perhaps I'd fallen off a spiritual path but I just kind of had this need that I needed I
05:34just
05:34needed to say something ask the teachers actually ask them are you sending women to be initiated by
05:40the Guru is that happening just watch them squirm I thought that I would feel really silly if I just
05:46went to my local police station and said hey I had this experience in France can you help me I
05:52just
05:52felt really silly I didn't know where to go so when I first heard about the experience of the people
06:05in
06:05the first school in Scandinavia they put me in touch with Ashley Ashley Freckleton and what she sent me I've
06:13never forgotten it I actually got it received it here I remember it coming through on the email and it
06:17was her testimony the photo was taken the night before I was trafficked to a foreign country for
06:27want of a better of a word a cult people don't show up at yoga classes because you know they
06:32want to do
06:33bad in the world they're like looking for self-improvement to be a better human so that's why she's there
06:39and
06:39there she is in the middle of London looking like really vibrant young woman who's totally destroyed
06:44by this experience it's just wickedness to do that isn't it Uma wanted to publish my testimony anonymously
06:53in the book that was the first time I felt like she gave a voice sort of on a larger
06:59scale but then
07:00they came after her in April of 2021 I got a letter of claim a legal letter it basically says
07:10that all
07:10the allegations I've made are false defamatory severe and it's going to cause their client loss
07:16of potential students serious financial losses is their main concern initially I think I felt disbelief
07:26and then I was just terrified they want me to tell them the identity and whereabouts of all the
07:34parties who provided me with the information for you to make the defamatory allegations they want to go
07:39after the survivors that's what this is about isn't it the whole process ended up with me going to court
07:46three times and it took about two years to complete and in the end the judge decided that they had
07:56been
07:57out of time and that there were so many procedural errors that I won the call to get it thrown
08:02out of
08:03court it couldn't go any further it was a disaster financially disastrous yeah but I kept thinking you
08:11know the stress I was under was nothing compared to the deep suffering that those young women had gone
08:19through what I felt was a kind of sickening sense that these really essentially good teachings had been
08:30twisted up to serve the greed for power of the person who was in charge who was teaching them
08:53people didn't really speak about him as a human being more of a spiritual being
09:00we were really encouraged to look at him as somebody who was enlightened and elevated and whatever he
09:08taught was the truth almost as if he was Jesus
09:16I knew that the school had originated in Romania and I was told don't bother looking him up because
09:24there's this long history with Romania and religious persecution and he started teaching yoga when it was
09:32illegal and he's been persecuted and demonized by the Romanian authorities and that's all that you'll find so
09:41don't bother this is a neighborhood in the outskirts of Bucharest it's called Ferentard and this is known because the
09:59houses that are used as
10:00as ashrams by the group Misa most of them were around the streets
10:11you can see that there are no windows or very small windows very high fences many of them have very
10:18large satellite antennas and in 2004 police got information that there was much more going on inside these houses
10:29than some normal yoga classes than some normal yoga classes
10:35the police had received a lot of complaints coming from parents who told the authorities that their children were missing
10:59because they had joined this movement Misa
11:02because they had joined this movement Misa
11:04my exact împrejarea că copiilor aderaseră la o mișcare aderaseră la un cult și ajunsese să se rupă din de
11:15familia din nucleu fără o explicație foarte clară
11:21besides the fact that a lot of minors were believed to live in those ashrams the police told the media
11:28that they had information that there might be human trafficking going on that there might be organized crime activities
11:45Of course, they've been surprised because I had a few surprises since I qued host
11:50me
12:08I don't know.
12:10Let's go here.
12:11Let's go here.
12:13Let's go here.
12:14At any question I was opposed to,
12:19they were opposed to me.
12:24One of them were scared,
12:26they were angry.
12:29I felt free.
12:32I stayed, I can say,
12:35even scared.
12:40Not only in two places,
12:43at least in one place,
12:45maybe in one place...
12:46...may have already had a picture of the Seele.
12:58The camera was really angry.
13:05I grew up in Transylvania.
13:07I was born in Transylvania.
13:07I was born in a village myself.
13:08which I think is a very captivating place and magical place.
13:14Yoga entered through my mother's contacts,
13:19which is always a search for spirituality.
13:24It was a more exciting world,
13:26which we didn't have access to before,
13:29because it was communism,
13:31it was a deeper mentality,
13:34we didn't have access to such information.
13:39After the entire period of communism,
13:42people have to be able to gather,
13:45to believe,
13:47and to deposit all hope and illusion in someone else.
13:56These courses were started when I was 11-12 years old,
14:01and I said, of course, that I could participate and I was curious.
14:07It was quite captivating to discover that there is a spiritual guru
14:12that created this yoga school,
14:15that there is someone who has answers to all our questions.
14:23and that we were able to find the same in our lives.
14:24The fact that I found myself in the same place,
14:25along the master's master's master,
14:28you can't see, that something that you have to receive,
14:30that this is so intimate.
14:36The girls saw the Greek as the supreme shiva, the masculine symbol, the masculine symbol.
14:46You can see that in my vision of a child from 15 years old, I started to see myself as
14:50God.
15:00We were talking about it until we started the investigation, and this vision of what outside we want is evil,
15:14that there is a conspiracy, how spiritual we are.
15:21Right after the raids that were taking place, MISA started building up a defense and organizing protests.
15:30And then, exactly when all the heat was going on and all eyes were on MISA,
15:38Gregoriami Volaru decided to appear on this very popular TV show, Marius Tuca, just a few days after the raids
15:45had happened.
15:54Good evening.
15:55Good evening.
15:56I would like to say, from the beginning, that I am not the leader of MISA, but the mentor of
16:04these movements.
16:05What do you say, Guru?
16:07I do not say, Guru, but the press and those who are trying to criticize me.
16:14I always say that I am professor of yoga, Gregorian Vivolaru.
16:20Have you done sex with one of the sympathizers of MISA, sympathizers of MISA?
16:25So, I do not always do sex with anyone, because to do sex is something degrading.
16:30Have you done love with one of the sympathizers of MISA?
16:33So, if I have done love with one of the sympathizers of MISA, I have done.
16:37Not the degradation of sexuality, but the friendship of MISA, friendly relationships, as we all know, based on love, respect,
16:47reciproc.
16:51And my initials had place in the beginning of 2000.
16:59I was a virgin.
17:02So, I do not want to give a lot of details about my initials, but it was absolutely nothing special.
17:10I did not feel any pleasure.
17:12However, I do not remember that it was filled with blood, but it did not stop.
17:19I do not remember that at some point, I had tears.
17:28I had 15 years and almost 6 months.
17:33Yes.
17:37In manifestation, everything is in resonance.
17:42And God is the supreme creator of everything that exists.
17:47And the spirit, through the yoga practice, has to get to know it more deeply, to reach the state of
17:54enlightenment.
17:56You have gotten a lot of common charisma.
17:59So, the charisma is not so physical, because he is not a person, and he is not a person.
18:05He is not a person.
18:07He is a person.
18:08He is a person.
18:10He is a person.
18:11He is a person.
18:12He has to be constantly.
18:15I am going to make it for everyone.
18:19For everyone who are following me, for one minute.
18:21If I can create a state for those who are open, to receive créaturated, to my fraternity branch
18:30to infinite power of the planet which is in the macrocosmos, I will start now.
18:38He said that he is going to kind of transmit a state of human strength in the universe,
18:42of absolute happiness to the viewers who are open to believing in his philosophy.
19:07You would start to wonder if that man is okay from a mental point of view.
19:20I've been involved in fighting against types of movement and cults for many years.
19:28So that's how I began to be interested in MISA.
19:35I wanted to understand the motive of parody, what was going on with MISA in France.
19:42I started to read and slowly investigate.
19:46It was something very well organized and always the same.
19:52So they organized a kind of strategy where they ask women from everywhere around the world, except from France, to
20:03come in France for initiation, to improve their personal development and so on.
20:11After that, they go back to the origin country.
20:14And when you are a thousand kilometers, what can you do? Just nothing.
20:22It's difficult to accept that somebody is completely under the control of someone else.
20:28First of all, you absolutely need to have testimonies from the victims.
20:34And it was a kind of protection for Bivolari to not have compliance influence from French victims.
20:41I had reported to the Royal Charity Commission in the UK.
20:45Nothing had come of that.
20:47Like I put something on Crimestoppers International and I followed that up maybe once or twice.
20:53And it never came to fruition.
20:56No one ever got back to me.
20:57No one ever seemed to want to take my testimony.
21:02I put some alerts on my computers.
21:06Paris, Omania, Guru, Cult.
21:10And I quickly found this article in Australian newspapers.
21:17Paris, Omania, Guru, Cult.
21:20The testimony of Ashley.
21:24Hello, Ashley.
21:26Allow me to introduce myself.
21:30It actually is, yeah, it's pretty wild because from where I was sitting at that point,
21:34he was just some random guy in France.
21:37And yet, he's the missing piece that I needed to connect in with the foreign police.
21:43So I was in touch with Ashley and transmitted this testimony to the Department of Police
21:50in charge of what is going on in terms of cults in France.
22:05We knew there were difficulties with this movement.
22:08But before 2021, in reality, we wouldn't start an investigation on this movement.
22:20The first crucial step is the audit of the victims.
22:24Kaimard, which is a very specialized anti-cult unit, did reach out and said that they wanted to receive my
22:33testimony verbally.
22:34Then they asked me if I wanted to make a formal complaint.
22:37And I said yes.
23:04And I said yes.
23:22And I said yes.
23:33But then, a trial had begun and he was nowhere to be found.
23:37He didn't show up in court.
23:40And the next thing we found out was that Gregorian Bivolaru appears somewhere in Sweden.
23:47He was captured.
23:48Gregorian Bivolaru, the most famous Roman Roman, was captured in Sweden.
23:53He clearly died.
23:54There was only 15 years since the fall of the communist regime.
24:01So Misa was using this argument that was still, um, sensitive in Romania, saying that Romania is still a corrupt
24:10country.
24:11is still a country where police use force everything in order to convince the Swedish authorities to
24:19refuse extradition requests. In 2004, escape Romania to go to Sweden, so
24:40officially he was living in Sweden, but there is evidence that since at least 2007 he went in France and
24:48stay in France.
24:59Everything I did was very much connected with the school. It was my life for quite a few years.
25:08And then I started to date people outside of the school and met somebody and had a child,
25:15so my focus shifted. I was quite disappointed because there wasn't so much understanding
25:22that life with a small child requires huge amounts of dedication and energy and I felt very much left
25:31behind. I was dedicating myself wholeheartedly to motherhood and a friend of mine called me and
25:40said, look, you know, there are some things that I would like to share with you.
25:47So my friend came an evening and sat on the sofa and began to give me accounts of women having
25:54really
25:55awful experiences. For me, I went in because I wanted to, like I really, really wanted it,
26:04so I never felt that I had to do anything against my own will. It was a hundred percent my
26:11choice.
26:14But at the same time, there was a huge underlying pressure for a lot of people to do things against
26:23themselves and against their will and against their boundaries because it wasn't really that safety
26:29to say, actually, I don't want to do this.
26:40Video-chat-urile erau, a fost o afacere destul de recentă în perioada în care eu ajunsesem în nucleu.
26:50Nu am putut să, oficial nu puteam să fac așa ceva pentru că nu avea vâstra, dar cum am spus,
26:56este lucru cel mai normal să faci câteva apariții pe acolo, pe pașaportul altor fete, că era atâta timp cât
27:03erai asemănătoare, puteai să faci ce vrei. A fost în perioada aceea când am înțeles
27:09magnitudinea și când vezi 40 de așramuri, clădiri întregi cumpărate, când vezi comandamente la
27:17Costinești, când vezi hoteluri la Costinești și mi s-a confirmat că toată prosperitatea aceasta unei
27:24organizații non-profit vine din site-urile, video-chat-urile.
27:36Amea, aamă.
27:37Amea, aamă.
27:37Amea, aamă.
27:40Aamunul aamnă, aamunul aamnă, aamunul așa ceva este unul locuțiu
27:45este unul de împărțiilor, dar că ea profiție de site-urile va părgări.
28:00Aamunul aamnă, aamunul aamnă.
28:02in the school, it started and ended with Grieg.
28:09There were very many teachers in the school
28:13who were incredibly intelligent and charismatic,
28:18and all of them were just so devoted to this human being.
28:25But anybody familiar with the yin and yang symbol,
28:29we know that in each light, there's always a speck of darkness.
28:35Just like in each darkness, there's always a speck of light.
28:41I guess I made an assumption that the speck of darkness in him was really small.
28:48But from everything that's been uncovered,
28:51maybe the speck of darkness is much bigger than what we assumed.
28:59Missa and Gregorian Bivolaru have always presented Bivolaru
29:05as both a victim and a hero.
29:09That he has always been oppressed, attacked, harassed,
29:15jailed, tortured, beaten
29:18by the hands of the former secret police of Romania.
29:23It's called the Securitate.
29:31During the communist regime,
29:33we indeed lived in a closed and totalitarian society.
29:38That is true.
29:41But now, years after,
29:44we can actually look up in these files
29:47and see what really happened.
30:03The first mention of the Securitate surveilling Gregorian Bivolaru
30:11dates back from 1971.
30:17Back then, Gregorian Bivolaru was 19 years old
30:23and he was in his last high school year.
30:27They discovered that he was in contact with foreign citizens
30:33whom he was asking for pornographic materials,
30:39such as like photos, magazines.
30:42So we have one of those letters.
30:45I think it was 72.
30:49I know a lot of things about your sexual freedom in Sweden
30:54and I want to obtain pictures.
30:57Do you want to send me sexy photos and sexy slides from Sweden?
31:02Another letter, I have a great sympathy for the German people
31:07and in your sexy photos I can see the emancipated comprehension of the sexuality in Germany.
31:14Later on, he was actually convicted to prison
31:18because he owned and distributed pornographic materials.
31:23He was not jailed because he was a yoga practitioner.
31:26This is what we see from the files.
31:29In the summer of 1989,
31:31raids were organized by Securitate in several cities in Romania
31:36to dismantle groups that were practicing yoga.
31:43Yoga had been forbidden since 1982.
31:46Vivolar was leading such a group, so he was again detained.
31:51But this time, the Securitate decided that his place was not in a prison
31:56but in a psychiatric medical unit.
32:03He is basically portrayed as sexually obsessed.
32:10So, in his own words, back from 1989, he tells the Securitate agents that one day,
32:18somewhere in 1986 or 1987, I met near my house a young 12-year-old brunette girl.
32:28I think she was a gypsy.
32:32And I asked this close friend of mine to have intimate relations with the girl
32:39and afterwards to present her to me in order for me to initiate her in sexual tantrum.
32:48This shows a potential interest in very young women since so many, many years ago.
32:56And also, it goes on saying that Vivolar, over the years,
33:01has asked his women friends to recruit other women for him.
33:08He was subject to psychiatric exam,
33:13which says that he lacks the mental capacity
33:18to assess his own actions, his own deeds.
33:21And then, just a few months later,
33:24the communist regime in Romania fell.
33:28And soon after, special commission of this psychiatric unit
33:33decided to release Gregorian Vivolarum.
33:36And soon after that, in 1990, the group called MISA took birth.
33:49So, after Prague, I travelled back to the UK.
33:55And I started to realise how extremist the teachings and practices of the school were.
34:03And there was this website that was made by people who were enemies of the school.
34:10We were told that it was demonic and it was better not to look at it.
34:15So, New Year's Eve, 21, 22, at home on my own, I did look at it and it was like
34:24a mirror.
34:26It just confirmed what I was already feeling.
34:31All of those moments of doubt or incongruence now made sense.
34:36And this word, cult, that before I hadn't been willing to accept,
34:42I thought that it was a term that was used to denigrate religion and spirituality
34:47and keep people away from it.
34:50At that point, on that New Year's Eve, I realised for the first time that I had to leave.
34:55And I had to leave completely.
34:57And I had to do something about it and I had to speak out.
35:01And then, it became really clear their true colours and what they were actually capable of.
35:12So, they claimed that everything was consensual and framed me as a liar.
35:17And people who I thought were my friends were lying about me and saying, you know, how I'd fallen from
35:24the path.
35:26It made me feel sad that that whole foundation of community,
35:31which had been such an important part of me remaining in there for those years,
35:36was completely inauthentic.
35:39It wasn't a real community, those weren't real friendships.
35:42And there was no opportunity for you to truly be yourself.
35:52I got a phone call from my first relationship at the time, Paula.
35:59Initially, she wasn't prepared to discuss any of it, but she revealed everything.
36:04And it was just the final confirmation that I realised, like, this was the last straw.
36:16The fourth and last visit was in October of 2019.
36:27I wanted to move, to kind of leave from the position I was, and he grabbed both my wrists and
36:34put them on the bed.
36:35Like, be quiet. And then, eventually, a little bit more after that, he didn't keep them, but he put them,
36:42you know, and then took his hands off.
36:44And then, a few minutes afterwards, I started crying so that he would just get off me.
36:51And then he was screaming at me for, like, three hours, saying that I was never going to be invited
36:57there again.
36:58Because I didn't deserve it, because I didn't love him.
37:02Then, after I left his room and I went to the room with the girls, he came into the room,
37:06and he continued saying horrible things to me.
37:09Like, he just repeated everything he said in his room to me alone in front of the girls.
37:15At that point, I said, I'm never again coming here.
37:18Like, I had it really clear, like, this is just, this is the opposite of what I ever thought it
37:23would be, you know?
37:26Like, this is super traumatic, like, it's not enjoyable at all.
37:29Like, I'm being forced to pretend that I want to do something I don't want to, and I'm being humiliated
37:36because I don't want to, you know?
37:42That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I just, I couldn't take any more at that point.
37:47I just felt like I got to get out of here. I can't do this anymore.
37:54This investigator from France contacted me, so I did agree to give my testimony.
38:25I was contacted.
38:28I was contacted.
38:28By this special unit and through the questioning techniques and the use of language of this French unit, I could
38:36tell that they understood.
38:38I gave them my testimony.
38:41I just knew that that's what I had to do.
38:45There was no other choice for me.
38:49By the time they spoke to me, they'd already taken statements from a few others.
38:53And I really felt that, okay, this was 10 years ago for me, but there are still women going through
38:59this now.
39:01I mean, I knew that I was a victim of sex trafficking and rape, and that was clear from, like,
39:06even the therapy that I had done and some of the things that I had read until that point.
39:10But it was something about having the police actually say it back to me after hearing all of my very
39:15personal details for multiple days, having them say, yes, this is what happened.
39:20And it's a very serious crime under French law.
39:23And we will be absolutely pursuing this as far as we can.
39:29In one second.
39:30In a moment, with the authorities' officers' officers, we had created an signature operation.
39:35We had around 170 inquieters on the ground.
39:40Just before the intervention, we had still regrets.
39:44What we really had to find behind our doors?
39:50We couldn't even see one of these people.
39:52We couldn't have a look at all.
39:56175 policiers mobilisent une quarantaine d'arrestations simultanées toutes liées à un groupe sectaire de yoga
40:02il est soupçonné d'avoir abusé de dizaines de femmes
40:17le gourou habitait ce petit immeuble d'Ivry-sur-Seine près de Paris là où il a été arrêté hier
40:22il va choisir sélectionner un certain nombre de femmes provenant des quatre coins de la planète pour être initié par
40:35lui
40:35une initiation sexuelle sous prétexte de développement personnel
40:39at first I wasn't sure if it was real it was like just a lot of shock and awe and
40:45gratitude and relief
40:48come in
40:50soupçonné d'être à la tête d'une secte accusé de viol de traite d'être humain et de séquestration
40:57en bande organisée
40:58we're not there yet this is just the first step in what will be a pretty lengthy process but at
41:04least
41:04we know he can't be doing this any longer
41:08moment d'intervention les charges qu'étaient retenues contre le mouvement étaient les suivantes
41:19l'abus de faiblesse de personnes en état de sujets sont psychologiques traitent des estres humains et viol
41:32do you think he's a criminal guilty of those crimes
41:40once I took my experiences and the events that happened to me out of the context of their dogma and
41:48applied it to the context of other normal people's reactions my own feelings and experiences legal
41:56definitions then I understood that what had happened was trafficking and rape
42:05there's a yes in my system and and also the story's complicated
42:20but ultimately the responsibility lies with him
42:29to me was just like a bad experience something then and
42:32and then talking to my therapist she was like you know let's just put the name for the things that
42:37happened when you were kidnapped inside that she started to use all of these words in therapy was
42:43it was really conflicting it was like I don't want to hear that that's why that's not what happened
42:49and she was like like she really helped me to start putting names on the things that really like
42:53to really name properly the things that happened and then when I saw the charges that we were accusing him
43:01of
43:01and then it said rape and then it was an explanation of what rape means for the French law
43:09any type of sexual interaction that you had that was done through manipulation or coercion it's also called rape
43:26we don't have to talk a lot we just have to read after your declaration to check that there are
43:32no mistakes
43:33I do worry about the fact that I ultimately resisted and I ultimately did say no
43:39and I left and I wasn't initiated I didn't endure the same horrors that others did
43:46therefore is that an indication that their consent was valid because I was able to say no
43:56so this is the beginning of the shops on the Cowdy Road
44:00so you can see the sign from here you see it
44:05they're not going to say that this didn't happen
44:07they're going to say that everybody consented and therefore no crime occurred
44:15it's all the debate
44:17it's obviously that what supported the exam is that everyone was free
44:24every branch that was open when I left is still open
44:29they target students particularly
44:31so it's really upsetting to think that a young impressionable person but potentially anyone
44:36could just walk into that yoga studio and have a yoga class just like I did without knowing that it's
44:45connected to Bivalaru and Misa and that man
44:49I see, at my level, as a right
44:53and because these issues that I often treat
44:57that all these young women were under psychological suggestion
45:03at the moment where they had the effect of which they played
45:08what follows the France
45:09it's the fact that in a group
45:12and by a certain number of techniques
45:14and conditions
45:15you prive
45:16the way
45:17without a matter of your free arbitre
45:18i think
45:21that if there is an trial
45:23it takes better
45:24without a
45:26a
45:27it's a true
45:28but not a doubt
45:29without a two or three
45:32We wait.
45:34We wait in a way active.
45:37I don't know if your translator will translate it.
45:40We wait for the arms to the feet, like the military.
45:44We wait for...
45:45to act.
46:01It's been crazy, actually.
46:03I'm just still trying to make sense of it all.
46:08Just finding myself again.
46:17I miss the community. I miss the teaching.
46:20I miss being so incredibly inspired.
46:25And I've also learned that we can't just keep our gaze up to the light
46:31when we're standing in a pile of shit.
46:36The time that I've spent actually in there
46:38and working alongside the other community members,
46:42I still feel like there's a sense of accomplishment behind all of that.
46:48I have often wondered what my life would be like
46:51if I hadn't been in this organisation for seven years.
46:55Maybe I would have had children.
46:57I don't know.
46:58Like, maybe I would have been in a long-term monogamous relationship
47:01for that time.
47:02It's just really hard to know what would have happened
47:04and how life would have been.
47:10I think it's good to be curious about
47:13why we're here in this incredible planet.
47:21But life is hard.
47:24Life is painful.
47:25Life is confusing.
47:27A lot of really horrible things happen.
47:30And we don't have the explanation for why.
47:34And maybe we're not supposed to.
47:59If you lose your fear, you have the power to take their power.
48:07I'm still trying to figure out where I sit on the spiritual spectrum.
48:11Good boy, Gail.
48:13There is a sense of spirituality there,
48:15but I don't know what I believe in anymore
48:18and I'm still trying to make sense of that.
48:22Since then, I realised that I have this really deep connection
48:27with the spirituality,
48:29if we want to call it God or the universal source,
48:32that I have such a deep experience
48:34that I don't need a guru.
48:36I don't need anybody else.
48:38All of this exists within me.
49:08Well, God.
49:09I will be sweet.
49:09But I think the great happiness is healthy.
49:09If you're looking for someone else,
49:09It's a very important part of a community.
49:10So, basically, as we find the love of God.
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