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01:00Oh, Bobby, how did we miss that?
01:02Where did that happen?
01:03He's such a slight fellow, I thought there was no chance.
01:06And when I shot up into the air, I had to laugh.
01:10Bob, that's a yellow card.
01:11I'm a bit sad about it, but...
01:13Yeah.
01:14Did you ask for permission?
01:15Yeah.
01:15He got full consent.
01:16Campbell is coming out on the attack.
01:18He's a shark.
01:19OK.
01:20OK, I'm restarting the game.
01:22Oh, God.
01:24Doors.
01:26So we're underway.
01:27Sam picks up Bob, and Bob picks up the first yellow card.
01:32Now we've got a game.
01:34That's some gameplay.
01:35I think Sam Campbell is the man to beat.
01:37Let's restart the game.
01:44Can I lift you up, Sam?
01:46No.
01:47I'm all good.
01:48Thanks, man.
01:54Get involved, everyone.
01:55That was a bit of Nick.
01:57What's your favourite food?
01:59Of all time?
02:00Ever.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Can I be honest?
02:02Yeah.
02:02Easter egg.
02:04Do you think the chocolate's got worse?
02:06It's not as nice as it was.
02:07Definitely worse.
02:08I think it's better than ever.
02:09Amy, you're telling me, you're on death row.
02:11Yeah.
02:11They go, you've got one meal.
02:12Yeah.
02:12You go, can I get an Easter egg?
02:15Yeah, big as you can.
02:17I love scallops.
02:19Scallops?
02:20Yeah, and then someone told me they were mermaid's clit.
02:25What's clitty about them?
02:26It's the texture.
02:27There's a flap on each side.
02:29Also very difficult to find.
02:30Thank God.
02:30I've never been so pleased for a phone to ring.
02:32I'm getting this.
02:33I'm getting this.
02:35Hello.
02:36Hi, could I speak to Bob Mortimer?
02:39Sure.
02:40Bob!
02:41Phone!
02:42Oh.
02:43Oh.
02:44Thanks.
02:46All right.
02:47Bob, could you get David Mitchell to arm wrestle with you?
02:52And if anyone asks why, I call.
02:54Just make up a reason.
02:55Okay.
02:56Thank you very much.
02:57Love you.
02:57Bye.
03:00See how he does it.
03:11How old are your children, David?
03:14One is 10 and one's 20 months.
03:16So you're doing lifting?
03:18Yeah, yeah.
03:19I remember being very strong because of holding children.
03:24Have you got...
03:25No.
03:26No, I'm far too old to have a small child, really.
03:30My body tells me that every day.
03:31I remember when Jim was a parent and we were at a hotel one night and Liam Gallagher was there.
03:40Jim, of course, he's referring to Vic Reeves.
03:43Yes.
03:43Jim Moyer.
03:44And Liam says, Jim, you're not working class.
03:48Jim's not particularly bothered either way, as it were.
03:52Liam said, I fucking arm wrestle you.
03:55Let's see who's most working class.
03:59I would question whether winning an arm wrestle would be complete proof of being working class anyway.
04:06Quite...
04:06It is that the absolute clincher, that basically the working class are the best at arm wrestles.
04:12Can I arm wrestle?
04:14Do you like an arm wrestle?
04:15You go to see which one of us is.
04:16Yes.
04:17Let's say that the victor is very working class.
04:21It's working class, okay.
04:22Don't mind it.
04:23No, I haven't had an arm wrestle for a long time.
04:25Has David Mitchell ever had any physical combatant other than throwing a chest piece?
04:30There's going to be an arm wrestle now.
04:32Oh, wow, arm wrestle.
04:34Arm wrestle.
04:35I knew at some point, David, you were going to start an arm wrestle.
04:38Let's find out if David Mitchell is working class.
04:42Have you always wanted to be working class?
04:44I hope.
04:45No, I'm quite content to be middle class, bourgeois.
04:49If you win, it's going to be a big change in your life.
04:51But it will be interesting.
04:52If this was a movie, this was crash cut to David Mitchell drinking in a Wetherspoon.
04:57Like that?
04:58Okay.
04:59Elbows mustn't lift off the table, boys.
05:02Ready?
05:03One, two, three.
05:05Go on.
05:06Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:07Get stuck in.
05:09Come on, posh boy.
05:10We've got movement.
05:11We've got movement.
05:15He's gone red.
05:16He's gone bright red.
05:17Yes!
05:19Officially.
05:21Working class.
05:22Working class.
05:23How many people are there that can say they've beaten David Mitchell in an arm wrestle?
05:27There's a very elite little group of us.
05:29Probably me and his wife.
05:32Maybe his children.
05:34Come on, then, ladies.
05:35Mud wrestles.
05:37Who knew?
05:39Oh, God.
05:40No way.
05:41Who?
05:41What?
05:44Doors.
05:45Gather round, please.
05:46Have you laughed now?
05:47Have you laughed?
05:48I don't know, Bob.
05:49I don't even know.
05:50It's like farting these days.
05:51I don't even know if I've done it.
05:53Is it a laugh?
05:54Did someone laugh?
05:55Yeah, someone laughed.
05:56Let's have a look.
05:57We've got movement.
05:58Oh!
05:59Yes!
06:01He's gone red.
06:02He's gone bright red.
06:05Die!
06:07Die.
06:08No way.
06:10I forgot.
06:10They don't miss anything.
06:12Completely forgot.
06:14Going to rights.
06:16I thought it might have been me, because this has been going up a little bit.
06:20But, yeah, when your face...
06:22And it was a big old...
06:23Yes.
06:23You're like...
06:24Yes.
06:25You didn't give a shit.
06:28It was really sweet.
06:30I was really enjoying myself.
06:32I was so disappointed at how easily I went...
06:36I just thought that this was, like, an everyday arm wrestle at home.
06:39Just like, oh, well done.
06:42Oh.
06:43I'm going to go back in there, restart the game.
06:45Thanks, Jimmy.
06:46Well done, Jim.
06:47It's anyone's game if these two can go down.
06:52So David's loud grunting was just too much for Diane.
06:55That's a yellow card.
06:58OK, let's restart the game.
07:01Oh, Christ.
07:01Here we go again.
07:02This is relentless.
07:06Is anyone feeling a bit cold?
07:07It feels cold in here, doesn't it?
07:09Do you think it's a bit cold?
07:10It just feels a bit chilly.
07:11Diane, did you have a proper job before you started doing this, like?
07:14I've had loads of jobs, yeah.
07:16I used to pack worming tablets.
07:20Conveyor belt sort of thing.
07:22The packets would give you paper cuts, and then the glue from the packets would seep into the cocks, and
07:29your hands would swell up.
07:31Right.
07:31And you could always tell people that worked at the factory, because they'd be stood at the bus stop with
07:34massive hands.
07:38Did you ever take any homes?
07:41Massive hands?
07:42No.
07:44The, um...
07:46Worming tablet.
07:47No.
07:48I didn't have a dog at the time.
07:51I got big hands once.
07:53Yeah?
07:53Because I'm allergic to penicillin.
07:55Oh, and they puffed up?
07:56Yeah, they went really big.
07:58What did you do when you had your big hands?
08:00Did you put them to any use?
08:01No, at a hospital.
08:03You worked at a hospital?
08:05Oh, you went to a hospital?
08:06I went to a hospital, yeah.
08:07Oh, right, yeah.
08:09If one part of you was going to swell, you know, like, for the fun of it, it's only 48
08:14hours.
08:16Nose.
08:16Lips.
08:18Oh, yeah.
08:18Pay a good money for that.
08:20What would you go for?
08:21What?
08:22What would you go for?
08:33Oh, here he comes.
08:35That's how much that artwork...
08:36Did I miss anything, guys?
08:38You're warmer.
08:39No, no, I went out and had a cigarette.
08:41What are you doing?
08:42No, just to have an inhaler, you see.
08:48It's the only thing that makes me feel better, you know?
08:53What's your quirky statement?
08:55Oh, you're doing Bob all right?
08:56I don't want you to deliver a quirk now.
08:58It's like pigeon scouring.
09:02How you doing, all right?
09:04When I had a cigarette, I just wish I could give it up.
09:07Actually, I sound butcher than my normal voice.
09:12Amy!
09:12Oh, Amy's in trouble, Bob's in trouble.
09:15Reminded me a bit of school, really, you know, me coming over to chat and then everyone just walking away.
09:20Why have you got a coat on?
09:22Because there is a massive bag of helium attached to my back.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:28Happy now?
09:29Is that why you're floating three inches above the ground?
09:32Have you run out of helium?
09:33I used all the helium trying to get a laugh and everyone walked off.
09:37Isn't it very dangerous to have helium?
09:39Yeah, I've had to sign something to say if I die, it's my fault.
09:42My voice didn't really change.
09:45That was the biggest joke.
09:49OK, I think it's time for a joker.
09:50Who do you want to see?
09:52Diane Morgan.
09:53OK.
09:55Shall I get that?
09:56I'll get that.
09:57You'll get that.
10:00Good day.
10:01The penthouse suite of the Laughing Out Loud.
10:04No, it's not called Laughing Out Loud.
10:06What's this show called?
10:07Laugh Out Loud.
10:07Laughing Out Loud.
10:08Last one laughing.
10:09Last one in the laughing area.
10:12Is that...
10:12Sorry, sorry, I've got the wrong number.
10:17Crank caller.
10:18She doesn't know the name of the show she's on.
10:22I mean...
10:24I'll have another go.
10:26Who's phoning?
10:27What's happening?
10:28I don't know.
10:29Some weirdo phoning us up.
10:31It's just outrageous.
10:33Must remind you of your youth, your dating days.
10:36Last one laughing.
10:37Oh, hi.
10:38Can I get Diane Morgan, please?
10:40One second.
10:42Diane, there's a phone call for you.
10:44Good luck.
10:46Hello.
10:47Oh, hi, Diane.
10:48Could you go and prepare your joker, please?
10:50Yes, of course.
10:52Are they complaining about how miserable you are?
10:56Oh, that's...
10:57That's cruel, that.
10:58You're starting to get a bit confident, aren't you?
11:01Cocky, I'd say.
11:02Yeah, because you started off and you were, like, absolutely shitting yourself.
11:08But now you're instigating stuff.
11:09You're even taking the piss.
11:10No.
11:11Yeah?
11:11I'm not.
11:12You're getting...
11:13No way.
11:13You're getting a bit...
11:14Do you know what I mean?
11:15Oh, it's getting fizzy.
11:17It's fizzing up in there now.
11:18Does that mean we have to sit at the sofa?
11:20On the sofa.
11:21Oh, hello.
11:23Oh, here we go.
11:24Guys, is this like the young'uns, Soph?
11:26No, Mel.
11:27Can I bring the average age up?
11:28You come over here and be trendy.
11:30I love you young'uns gang.
11:32Man, you're beautiful.
11:33Yeah.
11:44This is Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas.
11:50Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.
11:54Old age should burn and rave at close of day.
11:58Rage.
11:59Rage against the dying of the light.
12:08Though wise men at their end, no dark is night.
12:12Because their words had forked no lightning day.
12:15Do not go gentle into that good night.
12:28Rage.
12:29Rage.
12:30Rage against the dying of the light.
12:37Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight
12:40and learned too late they grieved it on its way.
12:47It's that one that's got to get them.
12:50Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.
12:53Baby's eyes are watering.
12:55Grave men near death.
12:59Who see with blinding sight.
13:02Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay.
13:09Rage.
13:11Rage against the dying of the light.
13:13Rage.
13:13Sorry.
13:14Light.
13:17And you, my father, there on the sad height.
13:22I've gone.
13:23I've fully gone.
13:25Bless me now.
13:27With your fierce tears, I pray.
13:32Rage.
13:33Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.
13:37Rage.
13:39Rage.
13:40Against the dying of the light.
13:43Rage.
13:44Oh, God.
13:47I'm sorry.
13:50Rage.
13:50He's gone.
13:51Rage.
13:57Oh, my God.
13:59I'm crying.
14:01You are such a good eye.
14:03Oh, God.
14:03She was crazy.
14:11Rage.
14:12she was keeping really awkward eye contact with everyone which is a skill in itself that was such
14:19a great laugh and she survived right to the end of the poem baby that was frightening you know
14:27when you laugh so like your body thinks you're sad it started to feel painful to not be able to
14:33laugh and then the sound came out of me that was a bit demonic that was terrific that means a
14:41lot
14:41coming from you the nature the choice of farts and fart timing is immaculate thanks david that's it
14:51that's my favorite simple doors oh here we go i don't want anyone to think i'm being overly harsh
15:00but if you watch very carefully i think you'll agree just just have a look rage against the dying
15:09of the light
15:21several seconds into it before it stops looking like grief
15:25it still feels a bit sad in my soul i brought in a yellow card we were gonna bring in
15:32an exorcist
15:34what was that noise i mean i don't want to be that guy but you've got a weird laugh
15:39i just i just was holding it in for so long and i didn't even know when it came out
15:44i've not put that yellow card away no way w t f this one is a little bit more subtle
15:53although
15:54all other laughter is subtle compared to that oh my god let's have a look
15:58rage against the dying of the sorry and you my father there on the sad height
16:05oh that was a definite smile and a so that's a yellow card i felt the laugh it was there
16:13i literally
16:14felt it just it was a great move from morgan you've got to recognize game haven't you so far
16:21on yellow cards bemmy maizey diane bob i'm gonna go and restart the game wow doors
16:31you you're going for me i know you are right back at you car right back at you
16:40so as bemmy and maizey get their first yellow cards we're left wondering what did diane morgan
16:45have for lunch okay let's restart the game very brat isn't it it is very brat you across that bob
16:57brat was that wasn't there a brat summer we had a brat summer i got asked to say that for
17:03radio
17:03and i had no idea what do you want to say it now what am i saying what do you
17:08say i'm having a brat
17:10summer i'm having a brat summer that's good for you i wouldn't say i had a brat summer i had
17:16a more
17:17of like a sloppy lady hot in the heat i'm hot in the heat do you know what i mean
17:21yeah yeah i've always
17:23got wet cheeks do you know what i mean yeah no on my face on my face you nearly had
17:30him then you nearly
17:32had him i don't fancy a bit of yoga i see that's gone down well with the group i'm up
17:42for some yoga
17:43mel you up i've got a yoga mat i can do some moves i'm very very low flexibility that's why
17:48you need
17:48it though you don't have to be flex gang i'll think about it i'm nervous i don't want to be
17:53unreasonable
17:54but i don't want to stick my neck out so mel is on the front foot she's the aggressor no
18:00one saw this
18:01coming i don't trust i'm not doing no i just brought my yoga max i thought there would be
18:06times where we we could i'm not being funny but it looks like you haven't unrolled that yoga mat in
18:12a
18:13long time should we do some guys let's all get up on our feet are you the only one that
18:17gets a mat
18:17this is just going to be there for just the look of the whole thing okay so that was all
18:23pointless
18:23what's the block for we'll put one of those down there let's um let's get loose and then tilt
18:32up tilt up are you a qualified instructor mel not at all okay great i did some youtube work
18:38feel your central girdle central cradle down cradle is that where my testicles are how are your testicles
18:48hanging david lower but still it's like a race to the bottom and it's clear which one will win
18:54and by the bottom i mean the floor not my anus i can't do this do you not get penalized
19:03for
19:03dropping out now you would get fired from david lloyd let me tell you that should we still be
19:07thrusting our girdles it's a lot of pelvic stuff in this routine because it's it's all about feeling
19:13the center of your bodies i was enjoying doing the yoga but you can't watch david mitchell doing
19:20pelvis yoga i defy anyone to watch that
19:26are you a royalist david i wouldn't say i don't mind the royal family no do you know what i
19:33do do
19:34go like to um sandringham on christmas day and give princess anna crunchy and all that no oh that's
19:39nice it's really nice she loves it she recognizes me every time have you met his lordship the king
19:44of england no no have you i have yeah did you do the helium thing no i didn't i thought
19:51maybe not
19:52you know because he is the king i think he'd i think he'd find it funny yeah he laughs a
19:58lot
19:58i notice what's the laugh what does he do no it would count as a laugh even if it was
20:03yeah
20:04well he sounds actually like a leaf blower doesn't he
20:13oh the phone
20:17seven nine four three six eight could i get um mel to do her joker please yes yes thank you
20:27mel can you do your joker please go on mel
20:31good luck mel cheers gang you've got this probably have you got a favorite king or queen
20:36i'd have to go for elizabeth the first because she was redhead yeah i'd have to that's why i go
20:42for
20:42richard the third because i've got a hump were you keen on margaret thatcher for that reason
20:47was she a redhead well it was always weird with her hair wasn't it because the more she attacked
20:53the miners the more her hair looked like a miner's helmet it looked solid she was implying that she
20:59could have done the job her own hair was stick a light there and she could have gone down a
21:03mine with
21:04a canary yeah with one of those she wouldn't have got vibration white finger
21:12no where are you going how you going alan where are you going happy tea
21:21are these your cheeses you've brought from home bob no they're in the fridge how much cheese are you
21:26allowed a day i'm officially allowed a matchbox a week like wartime rations when you've had more than
21:34a matchbox should i bat your hand away you should do yeah slap me how often do you do a
21:41big shot bob
21:41a big thing a big shot
21:47who's cut that up who do you think what did you use your tongue what
21:54one of my tactics was that i could get alan out by staring at him
22:01and i asked romesh if he'd help me
22:06don't stare at me
22:12this is bullying now this is bullying oh here we go do you mind if i sit on this one
22:21oh yes please
22:24oh no shut up some of you may know this already but i started out as a street performer so
22:35i'm
22:36gonna dip into my back catalogue she's a street performer
23:00you can keep that
23:07you can ignore the guys in green you won't see them against the green screen
23:12we forgot the green screen
23:15yes wow
23:23what are we watching i don't know wind effect wow now
23:32take it off oh my gosh seamless
23:39oh it's red riding on
23:44she's really eating those croissants
23:46did she just spit that out she just regurgitated the croissant
23:56baby's gonna go
24:05where's mel
24:08who's this son
24:10uh mary anning
24:14niche
24:17hammer time
24:38that's a modern dance there
24:40come on
24:45oh
24:47no that was so cool
24:49that was deadly
24:51great eye contact
24:53that was amazing
24:56have you forgotten what to do next
25:01i love it i loved it
25:03that was amazing
25:05she's done that spin before haven't she
25:07that was yeah
25:08i think if it was last one gasping then she would have won
25:12yeah yeah
25:12how'd you man took my breath away oh i see
25:15that bit at the end where she did a spin
25:19i thought i was watching cirque de soleil honestly she was like a rotisserie chicken
25:24i think it was very good it was slick wasn't it it was good and it was funny and i
25:29feel guilty
25:30for not laughing yeah i would have so enjoyed laughing at that it deserved a big old laugh
25:36it's like lots of delicious food that we just look at and throw away that spin
25:43she could have cracked her head open yeah it was quite dangerous that bit just think of the
25:48paperwork they had to go through for that to be allowed damn it's inspiring really
25:53i can't believe we did that 360 degree flip for a menopausal lady that will bring on certain
25:59chemical reactions and i can safely say that yes it did did did you know i was outed by a
26:06ouija
26:06board we are that's how i came out you're so gay that the spirits know i was doing a ouija
26:11board
26:12with my mum and it spelt out homo oh no and then it called my mum a slut my mum
26:19said you're pushing
26:20this i said no i'm not i said i don't need the dark arts to call you a slut
26:28you sure it wasn't all just one word and you were being called a homo slut no because it stopped
26:33and
26:33then went slut okay nice name for a pub if ever you and your mom open a pub no that's
26:38too much for
26:39a pub do you fancy a quick half down the homo and slut i look like a retired bollywood director
26:46and then
26:47you put the cap on you put the cap on did you ever watch kuch kuch hotta here not yet
26:53it's so good man where will i watch that uh my mom's house okay great she's got it on dvd
27:00i'm there she loves it have you seen legan yeah i've seen legan i can't be doing with both of
27:05you
27:05good huh poor alan's getting it from all angles you should watch good control the hammer stop saying
27:11the name of that program film i'm just warning you now it's a movie film whatever movie no movie
27:17bastard no no no no stop it now enough oh look at him he's an absolute buffet for bullies they're
27:24just
27:25trying to break me watch it ganging up get it watched well done now that's great stuff
27:37was that true yeah genuinely true did you realize you were gay before that or did that give you the
27:42idea i was straight i was married with three kids right and i wish i'd never done the winter fair
27:47enough
27:47this is what the spirits say yeah give it a go i'm sure i can get into it
27:53the flute machine is now available for inspiration just pull the lever and follow
27:58the prompts he said lever lever lever all right somebody's trying to break america what's going
28:03on if i agree with that at all oh best life advice oh well i think it would be borrow
28:16your next
28:16door neighbor's ouija board and take the sexual journey it suggests yep
28:20that's good it's not who you know it's who you blow strong i've lived by that for a long but
28:26presumably the person you blow you will know at least a bit or not who told me that your mom
28:32no martin lewis the money money saving person martin lewis it's not you know it's not who you know
28:37it's who you blow a hell of a money saving tip isn't it and he popped in for a mortgage
28:41yeah money
28:41saving tip right on the lips what i do and i actually follow this myself whenever i leave my house
28:47i shout goodbye granddad before i shut the door and then people won't burgle it because they'll
28:53think that somebody is inside looking downwards like he's on the floor in trouble there's an old
28:58man which burger is going to be scared of your granddad you haven't seen him well neither have
29:02they mel gedgeworth says goodbye granddad no burgers going jesus christ you've seen her he is
29:09long dead but is hard as nails but from your eye line he would appear to be about 10 inches
29:15tall
29:15yeah because you've gone like that goodbye granddad is he buried under the floorboards
29:20why don't you shout all right killer i'm getting you some more meat
29:27i was by my my grandmother's bedside when she passed away and um
29:32just as she sort of was going she looked at me and she said i'm still disappointed
29:45do you know what i was i was once in a taxi cab and i said what was your covid
29:49like
29:49spent most of it in a k-hole was that the cab driver or you
29:55he's having to have a think about that isn't he was it him or was it the cab driver who
30:01was in the
30:02cab in the k-hole is it you or the cab driver it was the cab driver ah gather on
30:12the sofas please
30:15i've got a treat for you a treat oh hello oh no take the scenic route i was trying to
30:22do a um
30:23dukes of hazards style entry oh i hope it's not crispy cream donuts i think they're overrated
30:31what's this about they can't look away
30:36oh hey oh oh my god no way
30:43you're kidding me
30:4750 ducks bam oh it's like a robot that can
30:51shit i'm just trying to find out what you're into alan i mean this is a very strong team one
30:56two three
30:57four nipple nipple oh he's got his laptop oh yes please
31:08i smell a rat bomb and his testicles are just dangling separately to the rest of his body and
31:14then he just dips it submerges and then lifts
31:17him
31:45so
32:15We'll see you next time.
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