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00:05FIXING TRUCKS, DRIVING TRACTORS, BUILDING STUFF IN MY SHED, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I DO, BUT WHAT OTHER JOBS COULD I
00:12HAVE DONE?
00:15RIMSBY BIKE RACER GUY MARTIN IS LOOKING FOR WORK.
00:20YOU HAPPY, YEAH?
00:23I'VE GOT TO DO SOME INTERESTING JOBS, MEET THE FOLKS THAT DO THEM, SEE IF I CAN DO THEM
00:27MYSELF.
00:29THE MAN WHO LOVES TO GRAFT IS GOING TO TRY SOME OF BRITAN'S MOST CHALLENGING TRADES.
00:35YOU SEE THE SMOKE COMING OUT MY EAR, OLD MAN.
00:38COME ON GIRLS, LET'S GO FIND THE GRASS.
00:41AND LEARN FROM THE EVERYDAY HEROES WHO DO THEM.
00:44I'VE LEARNED ALONE DRIVING, WATCHING YOU.
00:46REALLY? MAGIC.
00:50BECAUSE THERE ARE JOBS, JUST LIKE THAT.
00:53AND THERE ARE GUY MARTIN'S PROPER JOBS.
00:55RIGHT ON MY STREET.
01:00ANOTHER WEEK.
01:01ANOTHER JOB.
01:02AND WE'RE OFF TO SCOTLAND.
01:22AND WE'RE OFF TO SCOTLAND.
01:35WHAT I'M A BIT MORE ABOUT.
01:36AND IT'S A CIDER FARMING THAT 96% OF BRITS BUY.
01:44WHAT COULD IT BE?
01:46I'll tell you what it could be, it's milk.
01:49So what am I going to do?
01:51I'm going to go be a dairy farmer.
01:54Go live the life for a day or two.
01:56See how we get on.
02:05You lot have found someone to take me on,
02:08but it is in the back end of nowhere, right?
02:11Let me show you.
02:13Outer Hebrides, in Hebrides.
02:15There's about a hundred islands all in all,
02:19and you lot have found a job for me on this little fella here.
02:25Ghia.
02:26Here he is, on the map.
02:32Here he is, in real life.
02:37Ghia is the Old Norse word for God's Island.
02:42About 160 people live on this little North Atlantic paradise.
02:49And visitors get there via a 20 minute ferry ride.
02:53OK.
02:53All right, boss.
02:59We've got an interesting week ahead.
03:01Learning a new trade.
03:03A trade that, yeah, I don't know a lot about.
03:07It's right on my street.
03:10Bit a bit nervous.
03:11Well, yeah, yeah.
03:12What's there to be nervous about?
03:15Orders and tastes.
03:21Guy is about to become part of an industry that provides a nation with perhaps its most important fuel.
03:29How many litres of milk does Britain consume a year?
03:3515 billion.
03:36You're right.
03:3715 billion litres of milk drunk in the UK every year.
03:43That's...
03:43Oh, no, but all them posh lattes, they have loads, don't they?
03:46Yeah, I forgot about that.
03:50Cheers, mate.
03:58The island has a massive history of dairies.
04:01There was 13 on the island of Ghia.
04:0313 of them!
04:07Obviously, I go in producing milk here, right?
04:09There is only one left now.
04:13And I'm going to go and work for the boss of the one remaining, Ghia Dairy.
04:19Right?
04:20She has been doing the job for 50 years.
04:30Hello!
04:31Made it!
04:32You must be Emma.
04:33I am, indeed.
04:34Lovely to meet you, I'm Guy.
04:35You too, dear.
04:36How are you getting on?
04:37You're some part of the world up here, mate.
04:41I've never heard of Guy Martin.
04:43Go on, what have you got prepared for me then?
04:46Mate, I will try anything I'll do else.
04:48We've got all the jobs for you.
04:50Right, good lass. Keep us busy then.
04:51Absolutely.
04:52The kids are going...
04:53What?
04:54How can you not know of a Guy Martin?
04:56Anyway, so they were showing my videos and I'm going,
04:59God, this man's mad.
05:00What's happening, big man?
05:01That's Rocco.
05:02Rocco?
05:03I think you're quite good with your hands, aren't you?
05:04I'll have a go, mate.
05:05Oh, no, I'm not saying I'm clever.
05:06I'm definitely not clever, mate.
05:07I'll have a go.
05:08You're fitting here.
05:09There's not much.
05:09I won't have a go.
05:10You're fitting here.
05:11When you live in an island, you have to learn to deliver.
05:12Yeah.
05:14You know, for cows having difficulty at night time,
05:16you have to get there and you have to get your hands in and...
05:18Do you think you'll have some calving while I'm in?
05:19I hope so.
05:20Right, okay.
05:21Yeah.
05:21Okay.
05:23Guy and Emma soon discover that they have a shared passion.
05:28I'm the worst **** for the swearing mate.
05:30I know, I know.
05:31And then now...
05:32You, mate, you're a **** right here.
05:34Honestly, go on.
05:37All right, well, we'll get on all right with that then.
05:39Well, are you coming in and see the set-up?
05:41Please, mate.
05:41Please, mate.
05:41If that's all right...
05:42Yeah, yeah.
05:43Let me leave...
05:44Right.
05:44What are we doing with this microphone in this helmet?
05:52The Wee Isle Dairy is an old-fashioned business
05:55proud to produce milk that tastes like it used to.
06:00That is mint, that.
06:02That is good stuff.
06:05Emma Dennis farms around 1,000 acres
06:08and her 60 cows are free to wander wherever they please.
06:25The Rolls Royce of a cow's life. Look at that.
06:30Oh, they've got a brilliant life here.
06:34Even this small herd produces nearly a million pints of milk a year.
06:40Here in the heart of the operation, the parlour,
06:43or buyer to give it its Scottish name,
06:46is a mix of pumps and pipes
06:47that Guy will have to learn how to operate.
06:52This works off of air.
06:54So you get vacuum in here?
06:56So you open that and the cows shoot in there.
06:59Five on that side, five on that side.
07:01Yeah.
07:02In large commercial dairies, cows might be culled at the age of six
07:07when their milk production declines.
07:09That doesn't happen here.
07:14How many years can you get milk out of them for?
07:17Well, I buried a cow at 28 years old.
07:1928?
07:20I'm crap, aren't I?
07:21Yeah, you get sentimental.
07:22Oh, do you get attached to them?
07:23Oh, God.
07:25They'll last a while here.
07:27I'm not banging the feed in them to make more milk.
07:30They're just producing what they have and it does me fine.
07:33There's no stress from you?
07:34No stress. Right, right, right, right.
07:36You're not sacking them?
07:37No.
07:37Sending them to the glue maker, right?
07:39OK.
07:39Yeah.
07:43Guy will start grafting with the cows in the morning,
07:46so the only thing left to sort out will be where he's going to stay.
07:54Before he gets his hands mucky,
07:56he's been given the keys to a very special place.
08:00The Dairy's Guest Shed.
08:08Hey, Rocker, are you staying with me tonight, big man?
08:11Are you?
08:13Come on.
08:14So you sit?
08:15You're a good boy, aren't you?
08:17Eh?
08:21Yeah.
08:22Well, this is me for the foreseeable week.
08:25There's all of this stuff here, but I'm just obsessed with that.
08:29It's got to be the best view in the UK, hasn't it?
08:30But he has no question.
08:32So, yeah, happiest man in the world.
08:37What do you think, Rocko?
08:38What's it, Rocko?
08:41I think he's been decommissioned, I think. You have?
08:44He has been decommissioned.
08:47Yeah, I think we're going to be all right.
08:49It's not a bad life, is it?
08:50But we'll all get ahead of ourselves.
08:52First shift in the morning, 7 o'clock.
08:55Plenty to learn.
08:56A lot to go wrong.
08:58So, fingers crossed.
09:10It's not a bad life.
09:11It's not a bad life.
09:11Guy Martin is in the Southern Hebrides, on the Isle of Ghia.
09:17Ready to start his new career as a dairy farmer.
09:23How are we looking?
09:25What for you?
09:27Quarter to seven in the morning.
09:29First day at work, yeah.
09:39It's just a one-minute commute down the C22, the island's only main road, to Tarbert Farm.
09:55Guy's on time, and so are the cows.
09:59They're milked twice a day, instinctively turning up at the parlour door, at seven in the morning, and seven in
10:05the evening.
10:09Dairy farmer, Emma Dennis, does the milking with her 21-year-old son, Sean.
10:14Whether they can teach the step-by-step process to a man more at home with spanners than udders, remains
10:20to be seen.
10:21Right, you ready?
10:22Because we're only doing this once.
10:24Right, so you open this, to open that gate, and that leaves them in.
10:30And then when they're coming in, you come up here and you press batch two.
10:35You ready?
10:35Uh-huh.
10:40Cattle feed called cake is released into each milking station, encouraging the cows to stand still while they are tended
10:48to.
10:49Now you give them a wee squirt of water.
10:54You do that, all the way up.
11:00And now you have to dry them.
11:02Yep.
11:03All the way down.
11:06She's pretty dirty, actually.
11:08Guy's right in the danger zone.
11:11Like a four-hoofed bomb, a cow could go off at any time.
11:14So you have to watch your step.
11:19You just got a kick in the f***ing leg.
11:25When she's not being burdened by sympathy, Emma likes to get hands on the udders every day,
11:31with a crucial process called stripping.
11:36Right, so you get the tit, right?
11:38Yeah.
11:38And you pull and squeeze.
11:41OK.
11:42You have to be gentle because there's a canal, runs right up the middle of the tit.
11:46And if you damage that canal, the milk won't get out of the bone.
11:49OK.
11:49That is your first point of call if that cow has dirty milk.
11:54Right.
11:54If she has mastitis.
11:55That is your first point of call.
11:57So that's a very important...
11:58And what are we looking for at that point, then?
12:00Just thick milk.
12:01Right.
12:02Thick, gloopy milk.
12:03Mastitis.
12:03Yeah.
12:03OK.
12:04So you've understood that?
12:05You want to do it with my finger?
12:06Pull, squeeze.
12:08Pull, squeeze.
12:09Perfect.
12:09A pain off?
12:10Absolutely.
12:11Does his wife watch this program?
12:17And it turns out the same paws that can handle scammal wheel nuts
12:22are quite good on delicate teats as well.
12:24Oh, it's actually really good at it.
12:27Yeah.
12:28A lot of people can't do that.
12:30See, it's too real, yeah.
12:33Then it's time for the main event.
12:35Probably.
12:37The vacuum clusters.
12:39And then that goes in between the legs.
12:41You know what?
12:41That's it, that's it.
12:47So what I'm trying to do here is, I don't want to kink the nipple
12:51as it goes into the sucking machine.
12:54Because if the end of the nipple kinks over, it blocks it,
12:58and then, yeah, we don't get any milk.
13:00Yeah, and that causes a load of problems.
13:03Anyway, we're away.
13:03We're away now.
13:09The cows know the routine, and only the heifers...
13:12Good girl.
13:13..the young mums who are new to all this...
13:15It's not that bad.
13:17..need a bit of extra reassurance.
13:19Otherwise, you get a kick in the swing.
13:21Go get her.
13:22Go get her.
13:24Sometimes common sense don't come into play with these things.
13:27They'll just do what they want, when they want.
13:30They're a dangerous, unpredictable piece of kit.
13:35And one that you have to dedicate your life to.
13:38Well, it's 365 days a year.
13:40You don't get many holidays.
13:41You have to be here.
13:44In all, milking 60 cows takes around an hour,
13:48and on average produces about 600 litres of milk,
13:51worth 250 quid at today's wholesale prices.
13:56You're waiting for that one, guys.
13:58Good.
13:59All right.
14:01Could I see meself being a dairy farmer?
14:04It's a fair commitment.
14:06Sort of is a way of life, isn't it?
14:08But it's a life I love.
14:10I think this is men.
14:11This is men.
14:15In a small way, they're feeding the nation.
14:17You know what I mean?
14:18And they're doing it with respect for the cows.
14:21Yeah, that's what they've got.
14:23So you've not been in a dairy farm before, guys?
14:26No.
14:27Oh, you're quite good, you're quite good.
14:34Every day at the dairy follows the same routine.
14:38After milking, comes the family breakfast.
14:42Sit anywhere, does anyone have a seat?
14:44You have a cup of tea.
14:45Love a cup of tea, thank you very much.
14:47Emma's 13-year-old, Wee Mark, is here, as well as husband Don.
14:52What else have you got, lads, there?
14:54So, Guy, this is raw milk.
14:56This is what you milked the cows with this morning.
14:58Unpasteurised.
14:59Unpasteurised straight from the udder.
15:01Although I drink raw milk every day, copiously,
15:05I wouldn't go to another farm and drink raw milk
15:07because I don't know their hygiene.
15:09Emma's a case in point, as are Sean and Mark,
15:13drinking it all their lives and they're in great shape.
15:15They're doing all right, yeah.
15:17Everybody needs a bit of bacteria, Guy.
15:19Yeah.
15:23Seeing as it's calving season,
15:25breakfast becomes an important opportunity to teach Guy
15:28how he may have to intervene up a cow's backside
15:31during a difficult birth.
15:35You're in that far.
15:36You're kissing our arse, basically.
15:38Usually if there's one leg coming, you can pull with one leg.
15:41But if it's just a head, you have to push that back in.
15:44Do you?
15:45Yeah.
15:45And to get, and then what?
15:46You have to push it back past the pelvic bone, right?
15:49Yeah.
15:49And the pelvic bone's not a nice, lovely wee soft,
15:52it's rigid like that.
15:53OK.
15:54And it's all sore in your hands.
15:57So you shove the head back in?
15:59Yeah, well, the boys lift it up with the back feet,
16:01so it sinks back in.
16:02You try and put them in the palm of your hands
16:04so you don't do any damage when you pull the legs round.
16:07And then it all comes.
16:11Way of life, this job, isn't it?
16:13Yeah.
16:13Come on.
16:13Right, I'll finish this tea then.
16:18And after breakfast, it's straight back to work.
16:22The routine on the farm is quite simple.
16:26You milk twice a day.
16:27In between that, do the general farm jobs.
16:30What are we going to do today?
16:32Well, loads of cows.
16:34What do they make?
16:34Cow muck.
16:35Plenty of it.
16:36We're going to go muck the young'uns out.
16:40Oh!
16:40Sorry, boys.
16:41Sorry, boys.
16:42Sorry, boys.
16:48It's a job that has to be done every couple of weeks.
16:52Changing all the straw bedding for the calves.
16:55This is going to be hard work, this, isn't it?
16:57Yeah.
16:58No, you don't want to do that.
16:59I don't want to put me...
17:00No, you don't want to put your foot in it.
17:01Too much.
17:02Too much, yeah.
17:03Too much.
17:05Well done.
17:06Cool, cool.
17:10It's all hands on deck.
17:12Wee Mark looks after the sweep-in,
17:14and family friend Kayleigh is over to help with the barrows.
17:19Oh, the hat's off already.
17:20That's what I thought.
17:21I'm soon going to be getting warm on this job, eh?
17:23Ha-ha, it needs breakfast.
17:25I did say I might break you before you went away, Guy.
17:28I'm slow, but I'll keep going.
17:31It is a job that absolutely reeks,
17:34because the straw is sodded with cow wee.
17:39Breathe in.
17:41Breathe out.
17:43Come on.
17:43You know, farmers don't really get a lot of gut problems,
17:46because of smelling all this all the time.
17:48It's really good for you.
17:50Ah.
17:51Nice.
17:52Oh, there's a new chair.
17:55I know what you're saying.
18:02Many hands make light work and all that,
18:04but this is smelly manual labour.
18:07An inescapable part of a dairy farmer's daily grind.
18:15Go on, so we're doing this?
18:17Do you not get bored?
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:19Not one bit?
18:20No.
18:21No, no, no.
18:21It's good workout.
18:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:23Well, this is it.
18:24You're not putting it on here, are you?
18:26You do love this.
18:27Oh, I love this, yeah.
18:28And honestly, I'm two days in now and I can see where you're coming from.
18:32This is a great life.
18:33This is a magic life.
18:34Yeah, it is.
18:35It's amazing.
18:36But you're not driven by the paper stuff?
18:38Oh, God, no.
18:39No.
18:40It's not about the money.
18:41No.
18:42No, no.
18:42You wouldn't be in it if it was for a bit.
18:43Is it right?
18:44Yeah, yeah.
18:45No.
18:46No, you do it for the love of these things, standing for feet.
18:51Hey, Sean, how are you getting on?
18:53See you again?
18:54You were born on the farm.
18:55Yeah.
18:56Right.
18:56Well, you go to Glasgow and a night's out.
18:59Yeah.
19:00Wild nights out, by the sounds of it.
19:02Right.
19:03Do you not get out there and think,
19:05I want a bit more of this?
19:07I mean, it's good to get away, but you've got to get back home to your animals.
19:14Fair play.
19:15Fair play.
19:18Our guy is fitting into Ireland farming a treat.
19:22And with Sean in particular, he's found a bit of a soul mate.
19:28Go on, what are you thinking?
19:29You're going to drop the oil out of it and then...
19:31I'm going to put it here.
19:32I'm going to put it here.
19:32Yeah.
19:34I'll drop the oil on it tonight.
19:35Big Mike's going to hopefully come over the motor.
19:37Who's Big Mike?
19:39Mechanic.
19:39He works in the rigs.
19:40Cracking mechanic.
19:41Good lad.
19:42He's top notch.
19:43He's been doing it for 60 years or something.
19:44Yeah.
19:46Not good with electrics.
19:47He's colour blind.
19:49It's a legal requirement for traceability to tag new calves.
19:54Well, I suppose you better get something done then.
19:56In a procedure that's a bit like getting your ears pissed.
20:00Who do you want to do first?
20:02Let's do a boy.
20:02Guy's a big one.
20:03I'll try.
20:05Guy is on hand to help wrangle the beasts.
20:08You can do this, Guy.
20:10Hey, hey, hey.
20:10Good lad.
20:11Good lad.
20:11You aren't taking part to the wall.
20:13Good lad.
20:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
20:16Good lad.
20:18Come on.
20:18Good lad.
20:19Stop laughing.
20:20Good boy.
20:21Good boy.
20:22Right, Sean, show him first of all and then he'll know.
20:24OK.
20:25We're going to pin him against the wall.
20:26Oh, you've got this.
20:27You've got this.
20:27And then he can't go back on you.
20:29Yeah.
20:30So you just, you hold him.
20:31Yeah.
20:32Mum needs to tag his ears.
20:34Come on.
20:35Come on.
20:35Goodbye.
20:38Goodbye.
20:40Guy's cuddling technique is considered unorthodox.
20:42You all right like that?
20:44That is, I mean that is just wonderful.
20:49Isn't it?
20:50I can't do that.
20:51Go ahead.
20:52Good boy.
20:55Goodbye.
20:59Goodbye.
21:02Goodbye.
21:05Goodbye.
21:07Goodbye.
21:07Good boy.
21:09Good boy.
21:10That's you, that's you.
21:11No, no, no, he's a ball.
21:12Good boy.
21:25Am I more of a hindrance than a health?
21:28No, absolutely not, guys.
21:29What do I need to be doing?
21:30Very impressive.
21:31In what way?
21:32Just the way you get in and up, you know, you're not scared of them.
21:35Oh, I don't want to.
21:36Some people are like, oh, you know, big cow.
21:39But no, you're, you're, you're going for it.
21:42Oh, yeah, yeah, I am.
21:43Yeah, yeah, I'm not afraid of the job.
21:45No, that's good.
21:45No, no, cool.
21:46Right, sounds.
21:47Right, on with the jobs, on with the jobs.
21:58Guy's time on the island of Ghia coincides with carving season.
22:03He and his crew could get a call at any time that a cow's about to give birth.
22:09Jack of all trades, master of none, better than a master of one.
22:15That's what I think, that applies.
22:16You know what I mean?
22:17It's just...
22:18Cow's carving.
22:18Cow's carving, no.
22:20Go, go, go.
22:21Up there?
22:21Straight, straight, yeah.
22:23Cows are carving.
22:24Let's go, let's go.
22:25It's still rolling.
22:26Tripod.
22:27Watch out, Matt.
22:28Come on, mate, you can get in the back.
22:29I need a battery, please.
22:31There is, there's a rucksack in here, mate.
22:32There you go.
22:34Yeah, anyway, as we were doing that bit of an interview, Emma's just rang.
22:37There's a bit of carving going off, so we're gonna come and film a bit of carving.
22:40Film a bit of carving.
22:41Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.
22:45Go away.
22:46Grab it.
22:48Oh, you better hurry.
22:49We're moving up.
22:50It's alright, mate.
22:51Hurry up.
22:56Oh, bloody hell.
23:03Bloody hell.
23:06Did you get it?
23:08You got it?
23:08You got it dropping out?
23:10Fair play.
23:11Fair play to you, mate.
23:13So you're just gonna leave that?
23:14You're not gonna intervene at all?
23:16That's it.
23:17No, thanks for the phone call, Ed.
23:19Mint.
23:21Oh, she was quick, alright.
23:23Came out like a rocket.
23:26That's mint, innit?
23:28How mint is that?
23:30We're not beating that, are we?
23:31Not really.
23:33Yeah.
23:36She's a good mum.
23:39Just to be, she's, you know, she's getting a good lick, getting a good ruckle, as we say.
23:43A ruckle?
23:44A ruckle?
23:44A good ruckle.
23:45She's getting a good ruckle.
23:46Get them all blivened up.
23:49This is ideal.
23:50It's a good strong calf.
23:52It's trying to get up.
23:52It's only just boring.
23:53It's trying to get up on its feet.
23:59What's hanging out of the arse?
24:00That's after birth, hanging out of the arse.
24:02The mum's gonna eat that, full of nutrients.
24:04It's good for them.
24:06He's trying.
24:07The little boy's trying, innit?
24:13Oh.
24:14There you go, big man.
24:16You're up, big man.
24:17That's you.
24:19Well, you want me to get emotional about that?
24:21Yeah.
24:21It's just interesting to watch, innit?
24:22I'm not gonna get emotional about it.
24:26Right.
24:28Back to work, folks.
24:29Come on.
24:29Right, okay.
24:31Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:31Less of the gawping.
24:33Come on.
24:33Fine.
24:34Come on.
24:35Get things to do.
24:36So you're gonna get oil out of the tractor tonight, you think?
24:39Yep.
24:41Back at the farm, it's time for one of the most important jobs at the dairy.
24:52Hi, guys.
24:53Hands washed.
24:54I know what you like.
24:55Yeah.
25:00While most of their milk is sold wholesale,
25:03some is kept back to be bottled and sold in local shops on the mainland.
25:08But you've been doing this for nearly ten years now.
25:11It's getting there.
25:12Yeah, getting there.
25:13Must be near a million bottles we've bottled.
25:16People don't know we bottle it by hand.
25:17They think it's a machine.
25:20Milk is the perfect breeding ground for bacteria,
25:23and so every drop they sell is pasteurised.
25:28Louis Pasteur, French scientist, came up with the idea in the 1860s
25:32about giving beer and wine a longer shelf life,
25:36heating it up for a set amount of time.
25:37That would kill off all the bugs and nasty stuff,
25:40and that same process was moved across to milk,
25:43and it's still used to this day.
25:46To preserve its taste, the milk is gently warmed for 30 minutes,
25:51just like 50 years ago,
25:53rather than the modern method of blasting with heat.
25:56Glass bottles are also used,
25:59despite a packaging levy that makes them more costly.
26:05Go on, why are we putting them in glass bottles and not plastic bottles?
26:09Surely it would be cheaper?
26:10Yeah, it would have been a lot cheaper.
26:14But plastic...
26:15There's enough plastic, I think, in the world, so...
26:18OK.
26:18Just go back to the old milk bottle.
26:22Was that your doorstep?
26:24Yes, yes.
26:25You know, in the 60s and 70s.
26:29At what temperature are we in the fridge?
26:31About two or three.
26:32Oh, right, OK.
26:33After three hours on the production line,
26:36300 bottles are done.
26:38Push them into the air, it's lovely.
26:44I can see you now!
26:54The work rarely stops round here.
26:57Once the milk's been bottled,
26:59it has to be delivered.
27:11Guy makes a delivery to Ghia's only shop,
27:14which sells petrol,
27:16locally-made skincare products
27:19and milk.
27:23How are you getting on, lass?
27:24Good.
27:25I've got some milk for you.
27:26Thank you very much.
27:27Don't worry, love.
27:32Ghia is far from being a bleak outpost
27:34on the edge of the Atlantic.
27:38There's a wind farm built out of second-hand turbines
27:42and essential infrastructure,
27:44like a school, a doctor's surgery,
27:48a fire station and a chippy.
27:55A truck mechanic by trade,
27:58Guy can make himself even more useful round here
28:00by working on some of the farm's machinery.
28:03The telescopic handler's tyres are nearly bald,
28:06so he helps Sean fit new ones,
28:09which cost about 500 quid each.
28:11What are you showing here?
28:12We've got to knock the inside bead off.
28:14Yeah.
28:14Then we'll get some soap round them.
28:15Get in the bead,
28:17buy old it and you bray it.
28:19Mate, you might go all right.
28:21You might not.
28:23Oh, look at that, eh?
28:26Down job, mate.
28:28Elite flight, no?
28:29Yeah.
28:30That's what I was thinking.
28:31Island life often means not having the right tools.
28:35Go on.
28:36And so things have to be improvised,
28:38like bursting the seal with the forklift.
28:43Get a bit of snot round that first.
28:45The levers are lubricated with washing up liquid.
28:48Then Guy has another bright idea.
28:51You've got a sledgehammer?
28:53What's your biggest hammer, boys?
28:55Go on.
29:02Yeah.
29:07The brand new tyre is a tight fit
29:10and has to be gradually squeezed onto the wheel.
29:13That's going, isn't it?
29:14Yep, that's going.
29:15You being the optimist again.
29:17Watch out toes.
29:18Oh!
29:21Working like a couple of old colleagues,
29:24Guy and Sean make fast work of the other three tyres.
29:27Go on.
29:29Go on, I doddle.
29:30That's what we're saying.
29:31Wow.
29:33Right, time to jump off.
29:36My f***ing knees.
29:38Yeah, you f***ing.
29:42Bonding over some of their favourite tyre pressures.
29:45My pranks are probably 32, 34.
29:48Yeah, right.
29:49From road work, I put a bar in them,
29:51which is about 14.
29:52Wow.
29:53Yeah.
29:55Ninety minutes after starting,
29:57two grand's worth of tyres are fitted
29:58and they've got the dirty paws to prove it.
30:02Same dog washed.
30:03He's had that for six weeks.
30:04Yeah, yeah.
30:09But it's not always work, work, work on gear.
30:15We know how to have fun up here, I must admit.
30:17We never take ourselves seriously.
30:19You just...
30:20Life's too short.
30:21Have fun.
30:22You're too long dead, as my father would say.
30:25LAUGHTER
30:26And so, as a wee honour to Guy,
30:29Emma arranges a barbecue for various nieces, nephews and friends
30:33over at the guest shed.
30:35There it is.
30:37Can you imagine?
30:39Perfect driving, what?
30:41Perfect driving.
30:42And he's got an arm brake on it.
30:43Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
30:46Dual clutch.
30:47Oh, those tractors are all dual clutch.
30:48It's a close-knit, multi-generational family network.
30:52But like most house parties,
30:54the troublemakers go missing,
30:57hide out in the spare room
30:58and look at niche material on the internet.
31:02Ah, look, I put my finger up inside here.
31:04Yeah, but I mean...
31:06Drain the hydraulic oil.
31:07We're trying to sort your tractor out and chat GPT,
31:09and I think...
31:10We're learning quite a bit.
31:11It's pointed in the right direction, aren't it?
31:12Yeah.
31:13You've never heard of this?
31:14No.
31:15But you're impressed?
31:16Yeah.
31:16You are.
31:17I think it's great.
31:18You can just keep asking questions
31:20and it just keeps coming back at you.
31:22With a lot of solutions,
31:24not just like three words.
31:26It's quite in-depth.
31:28You're into this.
31:29And that's what we want.
31:30Mum won't see me.
31:31I'll be...
31:31She'll go, where are you?
31:32I'm just a tract GPT.
31:36Looking good, Andy?
31:38I hope you're hungry.
31:39Oh, we're all right.
31:39No milking.
31:40We're all right.
31:42See, Emma, you've got him well trained.
31:45Yeah, we are.
31:52I thought you could joke to that.
31:54There is an old tradition of social gatherings turning into country dances.
31:59The so-called Kayleigh.
32:01Aye.
32:01And if Emma says it's party time, gear parties.
32:05Mine down there.
32:06Loose it up here.
32:07Part it up here.
32:08Part it up here.
32:08Strip the willow.
32:10Aiden!
32:11Hit it!
32:14Ready?
32:19This is a 400-year-old dance called Strip the willow, with rather boisterous choreography designed
32:26to ensure nobody gets left out.
32:29Go on, where do I go now?
32:30Go on.
32:31Go on.
32:32Go on.
32:34Oh, so it's the girls go down.
32:38What?
32:39Where do I go now?
32:40You go to the girls.
32:41Yeah.
32:41And then you can park me in the middle.
32:45Jesus Christ.
32:46I'm dizzy.
32:48And what are we doing now?
32:49Can I go to the girls?
32:50All right, you keep going.
32:51Oh, right.
32:52I can sort of see now what's happening.
32:54Sorry.
32:55Keep going.
32:55You're fine.
32:56That's me and you.
32:58And that's it?
32:59That's it.
33:00In the Highlands and Islands, this is what work-life balance looks like.
33:05Jesus Christ.
33:06Does the gear Kayleigh vary to the normal Kayleigh?
33:10I think we're rougher.
33:12Well done.
33:13That's good.
33:13Fair play.
33:14That was an education there.
33:16Thank you very much.
33:18Well done, Clifford.
33:20I don't know.
33:21Mate, mate, mate.
33:22That was...
33:23Yeah.
33:25Me.
33:26Fair play.
33:26I think we should have to hear truth or something.
33:29Well done, Edie.
33:30Right, right, right.
33:39With the end of Guy's trip approaching, it's time to cool off and take stock on one of
33:45Ghia's spectacular hidden beaches.
33:52The Queen used to come here.
33:54She used to dock a yacht just out there and come and muck about on the beach.
33:59Never have thought, would you?
34:00Never have thought.
34:01Anyway, I'm just sort of getting my eye in.
34:03Big day tomorrow.
34:05I'm going to try and tackle the milking job by myself.
34:14That's a huge thing.
34:15Nobody milks my cows.
34:18Nobody.
34:20Well, it's my babies in there.
34:24Yeah, so I'm nervous.
34:25Yeah.
34:41Guy's dairy cows are queuing up, ready for Guy's final mission.
34:46The beasts are ready for milking.
34:48But it's our hero.
34:54Guy's earned enough trust while he's been here to be allowed to work the dairy alone.
35:00He starts by hosing the buyer like a pro, so it's easier to clean later.
35:08Then it's time to let his colleagues in and hope they're in a helpful mood.
35:18Good boy.
35:20Go cows.
35:21Come on.
35:22Go cows.
35:23Go cows.
35:23Come on.
35:27Go cows.
35:27Once the milking starts, the cows will just keep on coming.
35:30So will the truck mechanic remember every step of the process required to milk a herd?
35:38Right.
35:39Give it a go.
35:42Yeah.
35:43Yeah, yeah.
35:45See how we get on.
35:46See how we get on.
35:54It would be fair to say that our man is bricking it.
36:07Because what Guy milks will end up in the national food supply,
36:12the family aren't far away.
36:14Just keeping their north eye on things.
36:19Oh, the tongue's hanging out.
36:22That's concentration.
36:24That's serious face.
36:26Oh, he's stripping them.
36:28Oh, he's got the technique.
36:29He's got the technique.
36:35We were watching one of his races.
36:37We were like, come on.
36:39You can do this, Guy.
36:41You can do this.
36:42Come on, Guy.
36:43Come on.
36:48Oh, that's a freshman hog.
36:50Oh, look at him.
36:50He's got the thing.
36:54Oh, Gareth.
36:56The suckers are on and the milk is flowing.
36:59But will he remember to empty the jokes?
37:10What a lad.
37:11Come on.
37:12No, come on.
37:15Now, will he leave them out?
37:16I know.
37:17Will he let them out or will he wait out?
37:18He should leave them out.
37:22Press the button.
37:23Go for it.
37:24Go for it.
37:27The first batch of ten cows is done.
37:30Oh, they're coming.
37:34You can do this, Guy.
37:35Go on.
37:36Go on.
37:39So, I'm going to open a gate.
37:42And I'm going to go batch two.
37:48Guy's got his hands full here, outnumbered and covered in dung.
37:53Go on.
37:58Don't mention the boat with this, man.
38:00This must be the face if you don't see under that helmet.
38:10Jay, flick us them buttons up.
38:12No, these two.
38:12These two here.
38:14Yep.
38:15That's it.
38:16I don't have enough vacuum to get me nipples on.
38:23Oh, get a bit.
38:24He sussed it.
38:24He sussed it.
38:26He even conquers the most difficult cow of all.
38:30Oh, look, he even milked the heifer.
38:31He milked the heifer.
38:32Oh, my God.
38:35She's just a young one.
38:36You have to hold her because she'll catch.
38:38And he's managed to milk her.
38:40Well done.
38:41In this trade, once you can handle a heifer, there's nothing left to prove.
38:47Milk mission accomplished.
38:50How's it going, guy?
38:51Slow.
38:52You're getting there.
38:53Slow, mate, yeah.
38:54You milked the heifer.
38:57You milked the heifer.
38:58She's always in at the end, and I hate to hold her, but you've milked her.
39:02She, the one, she, there was no, the one that watched milk out of her.
39:06Oh, it doesn't matter.
39:06Right.
39:07You still milked it.
39:08Right, right, right.
39:09She was all right, I just thought there's not a lot of milk in there.
39:14Yeah.
39:16Did you enjoy that, guy, on your own?
39:18A bit pressure.
39:19A wee bit pressure.
39:20Yeah, but...
39:21It's a big undertaking.
39:22I wasn't trying to rush, and I thought, if I tried to rush,
39:26I was going to panic and I was going to miss something,
39:27so I just went at my slow pace.
39:29That's the basic...
39:29Did it in an order.
39:30No, it was getting done fast, but it was getting done,
39:32and it should have, hopefully, it was getting done all right.
39:34It was fine, guy, you did really, really well.
39:36If you ever want a job of relief milking...
39:38100%.
39:39Come to me, and I'll get a night off.
39:42Right, honestly, right, OK.
39:43Right.
39:44OK.
39:44Thank you very much.
39:45Good man.
39:45Good lass.
39:46No, you did really well.
39:48Yeah, not a lot of hope would take that on.
39:50Well, thank you very much for having the trust, mate.
39:51Not at all.
39:52It was great.
39:53Right, I'll go with Sean Hammond this year.
39:54Go to the beast now.
39:55Yeah, that's what I'll do.
39:56Right, are you boys done?
39:58I'll see you in a bit.
40:07That's not quite the end of the story, though.
40:10There's time for one last bit of gear magic.
40:15Emma thinks the cows now have enough of a bond with Guy...
40:19So, shall we just go now?
40:21...to let him lead them to fresh pasture.
40:23Go on, girls!
40:25Go on, girls!
40:27Go on, girls!
40:28Let's go find the grass!
40:29Down here!
40:36Come on, girls!
40:38Come on, girls!
40:44Let's go find the grass!
40:46Come on!
40:46Come on, girls!
40:49Oh, girls!
40:51In the field!
40:51Come on!
40:52Oh, girls!
40:53Go find the grass!
40:54Go find the grass!
40:54Come on, girls!
40:56Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
40:58Ha-ho-ho-ho-ho!
41:00Ha-ho-ho-ho!
41:01We're like like girls, are we?
41:03Eh?
41:04A bit of fresh grass!
41:05Come on!
41:08Come on!
41:09Come on!
41:11Come on!
41:12Come on!
41:13All present and correct!
41:31everybody couldn't believe that guy martin was on gear well he was lovely such a down-to-earth
41:38guy he came down with those no cameras here because he wanted to milk the cows i think
41:43he actually really enjoyed it to be honest i haven't really given cows a second thought
41:49until we've come to this i love animals i'm a big dog man turns out i'm a big cow man
41:55as well
41:55i love them i love them i could do the job i could do the job good guess you're all
42:03watching this
42:03thinking oh dear dairy farming grindstone every day of the year twice a day oh i couldn't do that
42:11well if you're happy in your job like these are you don't need a day off it's just the way
42:16it's just
42:17what you do it's what you do look out but all good things must come to an end it's time
42:28to say bye
42:32bye yeah thanks a million for having us yeah
42:36what i do what i do i've got your number yeah i'll send you a text you're welcome back to
42:41a little bit of tractor driving week's work
42:47right mate crack on
42:49you take care you take care thank you very much cheers right
42:53cheers cheers thanks very much see you mate
42:59cheers take care thanks very much
43:08so who's who's keeping the moon here then
43:11cheers
43:22cheers
43:24cheers
43:24cheers
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