00:00PEGI 18
00:30E'a really moved in
00:31It's a new beginning for us
00:33Things are finally going to be good
00:35Do you really think it will be better for...
00:38...him?
00:41They won't look for him here
00:42We just need to make sure he doesn't attract any attention
00:46Come on, let's see how he's doing
00:50Sweetie?
00:51Hon, y'all dressed?
00:57Hey champ!
00:58How do you like your new room?
01:01I know it's a big change for all of us, but...
01:03...son...
01:04...do you...
01:06...remember...
01:06...why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?
01:11He doesn't remember
01:12He doesn't remember at all
01:13That's good, that's good he doesn't remember
01:14Uh, sweetie?
01:16We want you to have lots of fun here
01:18Why don't you go out and make some friends?
01:21Right, get outside and play, son
01:23Like...
01:24...like normal kids
01:25We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter, sweetie
01:28Just...
01:29...be back before it gets dark
01:33Yeah, we love you too
01:53Come on, son, get out there, make friends
02:24You shall die by my war hammer, drow elf
02:26Hey, no fair, that's cheating
02:27I'm gonna tell my mom
02:30Thanks, kid
02:31I didn't realize he had a health potion
02:33My name is Butters the Merciful
02:35I'm a paladin
02:36I live right next door to you
02:37We should be friends
02:45Now that we're friends, you should speak with the wizard king
02:47He's been talking about your arrival
02:49The wizard lives this way
02:50In the greenhouse
02:51Over there
02:53Hey, where are you from?
02:56Where'd you live before moving here?
03:00Did I Colorado?
03:07All hail the Grand Wizard!
03:11So you are the new kid
03:12Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker
03:15I am the wizard king
03:17But the time for talk is not now
03:19Let me show you my kingdom
03:23Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?
03:26Shut up, mom
03:26Not now
03:32Welcome to the kingdom of Koopa Keep
03:40Our weapon shop here is tended by Clyde, a level 14 warrior
03:45Here you can see our massive stables
03:47Overseen by the level 9 ranger, Scott Malkinson
03:49Who has the power of diabetes
03:53And here, of course, is the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kinney
03:56The fairest maiden in all the kingdom
03:59Don't ask why Kinney wanted to be a chick
04:00It's just how he seems to be rolling right now
04:08You have been sought out new kid
04:09Because humans everywhere are in great danger
04:11I need something from you
04:13And in return
04:13I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom
04:15I know you are very excited
04:17It's time for your first quest
04:19But first
04:20Please tell us thy name
04:26You entered douchebag
04:27Is that correct?
04:30Are you sure you want to keep the name douchebag?
04:33Very well, douchebag
04:34You will now choose a class
04:36Fighter, mage, thief, or Jew
04:39A mage is like a wizard, only not as cool
04:41A white thief?
04:43Never heard of one, but interesting
04:45Jew, huh?
04:46So I guess we'll never really be friends
04:50Welcome to the KKK douchebag the Jew
04:52Who probably can also handle our finances
04:55Hooray!
04:55Now please, go and visit the weapon shop
04:58Procure yourself a weapon and we shall teach you to fat
05:03Would you like to see my wares weary traveler?
05:06Perhaps you would like to hear tips and rumors for two dollars?
05:15Ah, a lovely purchase
05:22Ah, you have procured a weapon, nurse
05:24It's now time to teach you how to fight
05:27I want you to take your new weapon and, with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde
05:32What? Kick Clyde's ass, new kid
05:33What'd I do?
05:34I'm the king, Clyde
05:35And the king wishes to be amused
05:36Go on, new kid, kick his ass
05:40I'm gonna kick your ass
05:42Clyde, you have to wait your turn
05:44That's lame
05:45No, Clyde, it's like olden times
05:46You have to wait your turn
05:48Like in the middle ages, Clyde
05:49I know it's lame, Clyde
05:50But that's how we're fucking doing it
05:52Alright, douchebag, bash Clyde's face in
05:53Don't be shocked
06:02Ah!
06:04Oh, hell yeah, Clyde's your bitch
06:06Alright, Clyde's wearing armor
06:07In order to hurt him, I want you to hit Clyde as hard as you can
06:13Oh!
06:14Oh shit, dude, I think I see blood
06:16Fucking nice, brah
06:17It's exactly what you do to guys with armor like that
06:19Okay, listen up
06:20The key to surviving in battle is not to get hit in the bobs
06:23Clyde, it's your turn to attack
06:24Douchebag, protect your bobs
06:26Prepare yourself
06:30No, no, I said protect
06:31Protect your bobs
06:37Yes, that's what I'm talking about
06:39Dude, you're already way better than Clyde
06:42Alright, it's time to use your heroic powers
06:44Using your ability takes power points
06:46Or PP for short
06:49If you have a fucking better name for them then fucking say it Clyde
06:52Fucking asshole
06:53I'm the king and I say it's PP
06:56Douchebag, use your Jew ability to make Clyde pay for insulting the king
07:06Ah!
07:07Way to wipe that smile off his stupid face, douchebag
07:10Now do it one more time, finish him
07:11What? I was going easy
07:13Take this
07:27BLEaahhhh
07:31Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
07:32Ha ha ha ha ha ha, dude that was awesome
07:33You were all like
07:35Okay, okay, you've proved yourself worthy, Douchebag
07:39Now come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic
07:42Grazie a tutti.
08:12Grazie a tutti.
09:06Grazie a tutti.
09:35Grazie a tutti.
09:58Grazie a tutti.
10:08Grazie a tutti.
10:13You got this, douchebag.
10:15You're mine now.
10:21What are you waiting for, douchebag?
10:22That guy's just standing there.
10:23Go kick his ass.
10:29Ah, man, he was totally waiting for you, dude.
10:31You can't just hit him like that.
10:33You need to try a different tactic to damage him.
10:35Look at that archer hiding behind his friend like a wood.
10:37Switch to your arrows, douchebag.
10:39Snipe that little bitch.
10:43Sweet, now you can hit the guy in the back.
10:45Go for the pink mist.
10:48Yeah, bitch, that's what you get for fucking with the wizard gang.
10:54Careful, douchebag.
10:55That guy's ready for your arrows now.
10:56You gotta try something else.
11:08Oh, great job, douchebag.
11:13Oh, great job, douchebag.
11:24Let's do this, douchebag.
11:32Okay, that guy has a shield.
11:34Shields are super weak.
11:35Just hit them with your simplest hit over and over to wear them down quickly.
11:42Hell yeah, that's how you do it.
11:44The other elf let his guard down.
11:45Now's your chance.
11:46Power attack his armor.
11:52That's it, now finish him.
12:07Drow elves, fall back.
12:08Fall back, I say.
12:11Yes, awesome, dude.
12:13Take that, you asshole elves.
12:14Better luck next time.
12:16Na, na, na, na, na, na.
12:17We still control the universe.
12:19Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
12:20It's gone.
12:22What?
12:23The stick of truth.
12:24The elves got it.
12:27That was your one goddamn job, Clyde!
12:30To guard the stick of fucking truth!
12:35Clyde, you are hereby banished from space and time!
12:39What?
12:39No, you can't do that.
12:41Yeah, I can.
12:42You're banished and lost in time and space.
12:44Yeah, go home, Clyde.
12:46You fought bravely on the battlefield, douchebag.
12:48Yeah, the duke may be a douchebag, but you sure can fight.
12:51Shut up, Scott.
12:51Nobody cares what you think.
12:53Anyways, we have a bigger problem now.
12:55The stick of truth has been stolen, and we must assemble our entire army in order to get it back.
12:59But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty, my king.
13:02Our newest member can take care of that.
13:04Douchebag, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors.
13:07Token, Tweak, and Craig.
13:08I'm texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now.
13:12But beware.
13:13The lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters, and sixth graders.
13:17Be sure you're well equipped.
13:18Now go, and send my warriors here.
13:21Now go, and send my warriors here.
13:24I'm going out.
13:24Now go, and go.
13:25Check out your 니raum.
13:26Grazie.
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