- 9 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:06I can't believe Tammy did me dirty.
00:09Thought she was my good friend and she helped me stab me in the back.
00:12I know you recorded the video that got me fired.
00:14I trusted you.
00:15And you betrayed me.
00:17Too bad, so sad.
00:18Now I'm gonna get what's mine.
00:19The championship at Daytona.
00:21But Tammy will not beat me at Daytona.
00:24She can't.
00:25She won't.
00:26She mustn't.
00:27And I am gonna crush Tammy like a bug.
00:33But again, this is not about Tammy.
00:36This is for the kids.
00:42Why am I the only one in here sweating, huh?
00:46Unroll the mats.
00:47To be fair, I actually am sweating, but it's just because I have an overactive gland.
00:51Unroll the mat!
00:53Okay.
00:56She's been like this for a week.
01:00I've never been more frightened in my entire life.
01:02Yeah.
01:03And I spent all of fifth grade in a well.
01:05I'm so scared I can't even sleep.
01:06And I'm like literally always tired.
01:08Courtney just like, boom, became a completely different person.
01:11This is like a Dr. Jekyll Hannah Montana situation.
01:13I mean, who is this woman?
01:15Well, that's Lorraine.
01:17That's Coach's alter ego who comes out when things get really bad.
01:19Met her my third freshman year when she had a stalker who stole her favorite pair of boots.
01:22Listen, that was a dark time.
01:25If you get on the business end of Lorraine, she will make you her bitch.
01:31Ooh, I love me some Lorraine.
01:35Okay, let's go.
01:37Okay, okay.
01:38Let's go.
01:39Five, six, seven, eight.
01:41Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
01:42Y'all, pick up the pace.
01:44I'm not making you do anything I didn't already do while you were sleeping.
01:47Inner monster?
01:48No.
01:49Lorraine is just my inner name, okay?
01:52I may be a bit of a hard-ass right now because I'm trying to get us to Daytona.
01:58Lord, take a knee.
02:00This is why we don't go out drinking on a cheer night.
02:03And until we get to Daytona, every night is cheer night.
02:06Wait, you guys been out drinking last night?
02:08Why wasn't I invited?
02:09I don't know, man.
02:10Maybe because you live 80 miles away and you're like, what, 50 years old?
02:13Uh, no, first of all, I live 90 miles away.
02:15Uh, and I'm 36 years old.
02:17And 23 months.
02:18Listen up.
02:18We got a big day tomorrow, so y'all come rested and ready.
02:21Come one minute late to practice.
02:23You're off this team.
02:25A monster is more like Godzilla or Dracula or my former junior college cheer coach, Marge
02:31Hargeberg.
02:37Marge was driven to win, but she was also an emotional wrecking ball who every practice
02:43made it her personal mission to break your soul and leave you in tears.
02:47But in any case, I have never been a monster.
02:50And if you don't believe me, you can just ask the people who know me best.
02:54Courtney is not a monster.
02:56She is a legend.
02:57I know Courtney better than anyone.
03:00I know every routine she's ever done.
03:04And I have all her clippings.
03:08It's one of my favorites.
03:13Look, I know my team is boo-boo, but winning Daytona isn't about having the hardest routine.
03:19It's about maximizing points.
03:20That is why I've hired a choreographer who specializes in just that.
03:25Was he expensive?
03:26Yeah.
03:27Did Boone and I agree to dip into our nest egg to make that happen?
03:30Yes.
03:32Am I going to share the details of how that conversation went?
03:34No.
03:35I have a hard time saying no to Lorraine.
03:37Uh, especially when we're playing insurance salesman and sexy farm girl.
03:44And she plays a very convincing insurance salesman.
03:49This is my very own room.
03:52And my very own roommate.
03:53My just-for-kicks orthopedic boot.
03:56The first 1,000 people who order get a signed crystal crutch pad.
04:01Hey!
04:02Hey, roomie.
04:03You're more than a roommate.
04:04We're going to be like sisters.
04:06Oh.
04:07Hey, sis.
04:07How would you like to help me by signing some of my crutch pads?
04:10Yeah, totally.
04:11How many?
04:12Just a thousand in my name.
04:15It's what my sister would do.
04:20Well, then sign me up, sis.
04:26We're about to up our game in a big way.
04:28I've hired the best choreographer in the world of cheer.
04:33I have paid for his services out of my own pocket.
04:36So let's focus up and welcome Charleston Sergeant, a.k.a. the Captain.
04:48All right.
04:50For the next four hours, the captain will be your general.
04:54I've spent countless minutes studying tape of you.
04:57I know your strengths, which are none.
05:00And I know your weaknesses, which are many.
05:03But when life gives you poo, you make shampoo.
05:07In a perfect world, we'd have him all the way up to Daytona.
05:10But at his rate, I can only afford four hours and not a minute longer.
05:13So every second counts.
05:15These next four hours will be the most important of your life.
05:21Excuse me, everyone.
05:23Due to a reported issue, we must complete a mandatory HR training right now.
05:28This can't wait three hours and 59 minutes?
05:30It cannot.
05:31We got an anonymous tip.
05:32Someone on your team engaged in an inappropriate romantic relationship.
05:36So the school paralegal said we have to do it immediately.
05:39All right, which one of y'all couldn't keep it in your pants, huh?
05:41You'll have to be more specific.
05:42It was you, Courtney Potter.
05:49Courtney Potter, will you make me the happiest cheerleader in the world and marry me?
05:52This is highly inappropriate.
05:54No, no, no, no, no, no, it's not.
05:55I'll tell you why.
05:56I already talked to HR about it.
05:58Bless it, Stephen.
06:01Come on, it could have been anyone.
06:08All right, folks, let's give a warm welcome to our HR trainer, who's going to teach us
06:12how to behave better.
06:14Beatrice Shrip.
06:15How y'all doing?
06:17I can't hear you.
06:19How y'all doing?
06:21Great, let's move.
06:23I'm sorry.
06:24We're just in a little bit of a rush.
06:26And that reported romance was just a misunderstanding.
06:28And it did not happen and won't happen again.
06:30Unfortunately, the calls that came into our HR hotline were rather explicit.
06:34Causes, mm-hmm.
06:38Hello, this is Stephen Vaughn making an anonymous tip.
06:41Coach Courtney just professed her love for me.
06:42So I guess we've begun a pre-sexual relationship.
06:45So if I had to speculate, it'll probably begin in one of our cars with a make-out sesh before
06:50transitioning to the backseat for the main event.
06:53Hello, Stephen Vaughn.
06:54I'd like to report a post-sexual relationship with myself.
06:59This training has a quick video.
07:01Let's just plug this in and we can begin.
07:10I'll get an extension cord.
07:12Great idea.
07:16Ta-da!
07:17There she is.
07:18All right, let's shake a leg.
07:19We're doing it.
07:20Thank you so much, Miss Dot.
07:21And thank you in advance for hurrying.
07:23Yep.
07:29Oh, shoot.
07:31I got another one at home somewhere.
07:33Just move the dang TV closer to the wall and we'll scooch.
07:37Yes.
07:39Scooch!
07:42The truth is, Prince Philip has a hopping problem.
07:45So we're no strangers to long HR meetings.
07:50Praise him.
07:51Look at God.
07:52There it is.
07:55Oh.
07:57Oh.
07:58Oh.
07:59Beatrice the battery dropper.
08:02Here comes a new nickname.
08:07My old nickname was Quee B, because back in high school, I f***ed everyone.
08:24Oh, what the devil?
08:26Just forget the f***ing tape, battery dropper.
08:29Salty language and name calling is not going to make this go any faster.
08:32I'm sorry.
08:33Please, VCR, will you accept this tape in the name of the saints?
08:46Oh, Beatrice, you put the battery in upside down.
08:49Here comes a new nickname.
08:50She's in the name of the saints.
08:51Let me do it.
08:54Great.
08:54There you go.
08:55Oh, thank you.
09:01You know what?
09:02Forget the tape.
09:03It's not really important.
09:09We know things get physical on a cheer team, and we want to make sure there's no confusion
09:14and that everyone feels comfortable.
09:18Yes?
09:18If I'm not attracted to any of these people, can I be excused?
09:22Really?
09:23Not even him?
09:25Crystal, set your broken butt down.
09:26Beatrice is about to wrap this up, aren't you?
09:28Right.
09:28After we've done a little role-playing to show you the right and wrong way to interact with
09:33the opposite sex.
09:34Now, can I have some volunteers?
09:36Madonna, DeMarcus, get up there.
09:38Wait, why us?
09:39You're closest.
09:40Go on.
09:41Are your ears for decoration?
09:42Go on.
09:43Oh my God.
09:44Oh my God.
09:48Hey, Mary Lou.
09:49Did I ever tell you you're the prettiest broad in the freshman class?
10:00Yes, Henry, um, but you know I'm spoken for.
10:04You might destroy the human race in a nuclear war, so we might as well enjoy some free love
10:10like the hippies do.
10:11You sure are being persistent.
10:13Let's go to bed.
10:15And sing.
10:19I'm having a hard time getting into character, because people don't talk like this.
10:23You know, that's a good note.
10:24Why don't you tell us how you would ask this gal out in your own words?
10:35Just stay in the moment, DeMarcus.
10:37Stay in the moment.
10:38Okay.
10:42I have fun with you in practice, and even though you can be mean sometimes, I'd like
10:49to hang out.
10:51Well, maybe I'm mean, because I think you have potential, and I know you can be better.
10:57You think I have potential?
11:03Huh?
11:04Um, sorry, I'm done.
11:05Yeah, me too.
11:06Perfect, because even if you like a fella, it's good to play hard to get, because boys
11:11don't marry tramps, or girls that wear glasses.
11:23Oh, no, ma'am.
11:27Let's, uh, let's all give it up for our He Adelston players.
11:31Come on down, come on down, come on down, come on down.
11:34One last thing I'll leave you with.
11:36I have found nothing keeps up morale, like notes of affirmation.
11:40For example, I would write a note thanking Miss Dot for insisting that I come in today,
11:47even though I said it would work much better with my schedule if I came in next week.
11:52Thank you, everyone.
11:58Let's talk about consensual behavior.
12:01But don't listen to me.
12:02Here's America's dad, Bill Cosby.
12:05Oh.
12:05Oh, no.
12:06Sorry about that.
12:08Okay.
12:09Charleston, the floor is yours.
12:11All right, y'all get set.
12:12Prepare for greatness.
12:14Let's go, let's go.
12:15Let's do this.
12:18That's our time.
12:20What?
12:20Good luck.
12:24Yeah.
12:25Oh.
12:25Fabulous.
12:27What?
12:37Look at you, mattering the cat in the bath.
12:40Hope it wasn't something I said.
12:41I gotta figure out.
12:42The bulletproof routine for this squad or we're dead in the water.
12:46Baby, why don't you just do one of your routines from your early days at SDSJC?
12:49I mean, those teams were bad, but you still won championships with them.
12:52Babe, you think I would have spent half our nest egg on a choreographer and his dog if I
12:57had access to those old routines?
12:58They're on the SDSJC server, and Timmy has the password.
13:03I was just messing with her.
13:05I've been with two women in my life, Courtney and Lorraine.
13:08And I love Courtney, but man, oh man, is it good to see Lorraine again.
13:12And this is the longest she's ever been here.
13:16This next product feels like you should need a prescription.
13:20Christelle's Botox.
13:21They look just like the ones your mom's use, but the needles are candy.
13:25So order through the link in my bio.
13:28Hey, Sims!
13:29Hey!
13:30I just have a quick question.
13:31Are there more crutch pads I need to sign because my hand is stuck like a claw?
13:35No, we're done with those.
13:36But I do need you to be a dear and go to Mexico to ship these edible syringes.
13:41The country?
13:42It's what my sister would do.
13:44Ah!
13:49What's up?
13:50We're practicing a new routine to surprise Lorraine, so she won't want to throw us into traffic.
13:54Okay.
13:54Let me just grab my stuff.
13:58So, you know I only said you had potential because my brain was fried from not sleeping.
14:02Right?
14:04Okay.
14:05I was just in character when I asked you out, so...
14:08Then I don't know why you're bringing it up.
14:11You brought it up!
14:12What is her problem?
14:14He's obsessed with me.
14:18All right, y'all.
14:20And five, six, seven...
14:22Hey, hey, hey!
14:22What's going on here?
14:23We know you were disappointed that it didn't work out with the choreographer, so we came
14:28up with our own routine.
14:31Don't be mad at us.
14:32Okay.
14:34Let's see it.
14:35Okay.
14:35Look alive.
14:36Five, six, seven, eight.
14:38Love is sweet in here.
14:41There must be somebody's got to do some cheer.
14:45Here we go.
14:46Red, yellow, green, blue.
14:48Go down.
14:49Red, yellow, green, blue.
14:52Red, yellow, green, blue.
14:54Oh, come on.
15:07Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
15:10Yeah, ha, ha.
15:13Ha!
15:26Yeah.
15:28Buttons!
15:36Well?
15:39I love it.
15:40Oh, my God.
15:41Thank God.
15:42Almost as much as what I saw in the room.
15:47Oh, that's where it's from.
15:51We watched this movie together last night,
15:53and that's probably why we thought of it.
15:56Last night was the first time we truly bonded.
15:58We went from being a teen to a family.
16:02You guys had a movie night last night?
16:05I wish you would've told me I would've offered to host it at my motel.
16:09I've colored TV and HBO.
16:10Hey, why don't y'all talk about your favorite parts of the movie?
16:14While you're doing 300 crunches.
16:16Let me see them!
16:17Oh, no, no, see, every time you talk, bro.
16:18Wait, what?
16:18Go!
16:18Every time you talk.
16:21Can I talk to you about something?
16:25Uh, yeah.
16:26Sal, what is it?
16:27Uh, it's actually Crystal.
16:29Um, she's a great roommate,
16:31and I'm totally lucky to be living with her,
16:33but she's just a little bit bossy,
16:34and I don't know how to say no.
16:35You're just gonna have to figure out a way to deal with this yourself.
16:37Okay?
16:39I'm not your mama.
16:44Uh...
16:46I know.
16:48Sorry.
16:55Oh.
16:59Damn you, Lorraine.
17:05Uh-oh.
17:06I accidentally washed my red shirt in with your whites.
17:10I hope this doesn't mean you have to find justice
17:13by turning my white bum red.
17:15But if that's the decision of the court of Lorraine,
17:18I'd like to make a plea deal.
17:20Lorraine left, baby.
17:21Dang it!
17:23Well, that's a waste of good sheets.
17:25What the heck happened?
17:26I crossed the line.
17:27Something I never done before.
17:29Booney.
17:30I don't think I ever felt this bad in my whole life.
17:33Baby, there's nobody harder on you than you.
17:35I'm sure it's fine.
17:37I made Sally cry.
17:39What?
17:40I am so sorry, Sally.
17:42I danced with the devil.
17:44And we all got burnt.
17:46I was just so on fire to beat Tammy.
17:49I let Lorraine take over.
17:51Baby, I've seen fire and I've seen Lorraine.
17:54And this was neither.
17:56You know what this was?
17:57I hate to say it.
17:59This was March.
18:04Booney, I hate it when you're right.
18:07That means it was so obvious.
18:09Oh, come here, girl.
18:10Come here.
18:10Come here, baby.
18:11Oh, no.
18:12Mm-hmm.
18:12Mm-hmm.
18:14There's a time and a place for Lorraine.
18:17She has helped me win multiple championships,
18:19but sometimes these kids need more than that.
18:24They need to feel accepted.
18:26Oh, dude, DeMarcus is gonna be so pumped.
18:29Ah!
18:30Oh!
18:31Incoming!
18:32They need space to be vulnerable.
18:44I'm a little obsessed with it.
18:50Sometimes they just need to know their voice matters.
18:57All right.
18:57Oh, wait.
19:01That's just a little reminder.
19:08I just want so bad for my team to experience Daytona.
19:12You know, get a win.
19:14I'd just give anything if I could remember those old routines.
19:17I know someone who has all your choreography memorized
19:20and the outfits you were wearing when you did them.
19:23Seth.
19:24Seth.
19:24No way.
19:25Yes!
19:26No, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen.
19:27I know it's weird to call your stalker,
19:29but he's got a restraining order and the guy's harmless.
19:32Well, I don't know if he's even interested in me anymore, Boone.
19:35And I don't think I could take the rejection if he's not.
19:37Coach, you just gotta ask yourself how bad you wanna win.
19:41Ugh.
19:42Fine.
19:48He's not even picking up. He used to pick up on the first ring.
19:57Hey, Queen.
20:01All right, y'all. Before we begin, I just wanna say
20:03that winning Daytona is important,
20:05but it cannot come at the expense of providing a safe space for my team.
20:09Yeah.
20:11With that in mind,
20:12I'd like to introduce you to our new choreographer,
20:14Seth Marigold.
20:16I just wanna say,
20:18I am obsessed with getting us to Daytona.
20:2150 feet, Seth.
20:22Behind the red line.
20:24There you go.
20:24Right.
20:25Okay.
20:26All right, buttons.
20:29Let's bring it on.
20:30Yeah!
20:31Woo!
20:32Woo!
20:33Woo!
20:35Woo!
20:35Woo!
20:36Woo!
20:38Oh, hey, Sue.
20:40I don't want to be your sister.
20:41I just want to be your roommate,
20:44and if that's not good enough, then I will move out.
20:46Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
20:48I don't want you to leave.
20:50Really?
20:51Okay, good.
20:52Because I was so afraid to say something.
20:55Well, I'm glad you did.
20:57You can tell me anything.
20:58We're roommates.
20:59Whew.
21:01Hey, Rumi?
21:03Yeah?
21:03Will you take this Votox to Mexico tonight?
21:08No.
21:11I will do it manana.
21:14Ah!
21:17Hm.
21:29Mama, look!
21:31Mama, look!
Comments