- 19 hours ago
The Claudia Winkleman Show S01E02 (2026)
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00:00Now you two, are you on a first date?
00:03Yeah, we are.
00:04We are.
00:05We are.
00:10No one else didn't want to spend it with.
00:11I don't know about you guys, I now have 18 questions.
00:14Where did you meet?
00:16We met at Gaines Run Club, which is essentially 200 gay men
00:21running down the Thames on a Saturday morning.
00:23Hot.
00:23Yeah, and I was like really sweaty and beetroot faced.
00:28Yeah.
00:28And he asked me out.
00:31And here you are.
00:32Here we are.
00:33I feel good about this.
00:34Yeah, I got a good feeling about it.
00:35If you do get married, are we all invited?
00:38You're officiating it.
00:40Fine.
00:41I really hope this is your last date.
00:43Um.
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02:10Um.
02:40Um.
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03:30Um.
03:30Just going around London, just going we're from Ireland.
03:33Um.
03:34Um.
03:34Um.
03:34Um.
03:34And we love being Irish so we're happy to celebrate any day to be honest but Bruce Paddy's day is
03:39another excuse isn't it?
03:40Um.
03:40It's definitely grown legs worldwide.
03:42We're kind of the favorite we're the favorite you're the same people. Yeah, and you know
03:46I know that because I did a bit of digging and the passport the Irish passport is the most expensive
03:52passport on the dark web
03:57Guess how much it's worth go on 200 grand
04:01Now you can sell yours when you run out of money
04:05Once I figure out how to get on that
04:07I'm gonna sell mine and drive around in a Lamborghini made of lobster bound while some Russian gangster guys going
04:13through American
04:14Immigration without a bother on it
04:17Might not look like her. Yeah, I am her. Yeah, you just get the bangs big shoulder pads. You'd be
04:23grand. Yeah done
04:24Do you have do you love Ireland? I mean, I love it, but I don't 200 grand love it
04:29Yeah
04:30Do you like it? Yeah
04:34So Rachel your best friend is yes your biggest fan
04:39Yeah, which I'm sure you get this a lot when I was growing up and One Direction was getting very
04:44popular
04:44I was getting into Les Miserables, so I wasn't really just me to
04:49I've seen it multiple times. Yes, of course and my best friend when I was a kid
04:53I've known her since I was one. Oh, her name is Carly and she had a cardboard cut out of
04:58you in her bedroom
05:00So when we had sleepovers, do you know who watched me sleep?
05:14Hello to her. Hi Carly
05:23Niall, we need to talk about the new album. Oh, yes
05:33It's called dinner party. We have a visual here
05:40There she is
05:43Guys, I'm not anti it, but is this gonna happen all night?
05:47Yes
05:47Um, yeah, okay and the the singles dinner party it's out I believe now and it was written about a
05:55very special dinner party wasn't it?
05:58Yeah, I I wrote this song. It's the lyric kind of does it's like Ronsell. It does exactly what it
06:03says in the tin
06:04It tells you exactly what happened from from the night. I met my girlfriend
06:10She was a late screaming
06:14She yeah, she was like a late addition to a party that was that and
06:19Yeah, I just got chatting to her offered her a drink. We got chatting
06:24She says that we didn't kiss that night. I disagree. I think we did and
06:29It's one of those things that you don't expect
06:32To be to be writing about like a big once-in-a-lifetime moment and it kind of happened to
06:36me, which is pretty cool
06:37So I got to write about it
06:38Can I also just say the energy since you mentioned your incredible partner has changed?
06:45Before it was all like
06:48As soon as you bought off Niall don't mention it. I wasn't gonna bring it up course. I wasn't gonna
06:53bring it up. It's going very well in here
06:57By the way, I just met her she's this is gonna make it worse divine
07:08Do you like to dinner? I'm nervous of a dinner party. I don't want a napkin in the shape of
07:14a swan
07:15Yeah, or place that I just worried that I'm gonna do something wrong. Do you love a dinner party?
07:20It's something that I've definitely gotten into the older I've gotten it's one of those things
07:24It's a it's a it's a coming-of-age thing isn't it having a dinner party. It's like I mean,
07:28I just sat down for dinner and
07:30Going up to throw a pizza in the oven or something generally, but now that I'm older I have dinner
07:35parties obviously
07:39You too, where do we stand on dinner parties? I can't
07:43I can't cook shit
07:46Why would I remove jobs from the hard-working people at Nando's there's no need
07:52I receive my food. It's a wonderful transaction and there's no there's no dinner parties in my house. I got
07:58five kids man
08:00I
08:01I'll attend I won't host I use my air fire to help my key you bring food. Will you like
08:07Potluck no, okay, I'll arrive when the food has been done and just in the party is beginning right
08:13I'm the same as you delivery. This is highly embarrassing, but obviously we're in it now
08:19Contacted me and asked me if I'd like a business account because they thought I was a company
08:24I swear to God
08:25My problem with delivery is I'll do an order you know you're in trouble when they deliver it with like
08:31four sets of chopsticks
08:32and I
08:33Leave the noodles with my hands. Thanks for coming now. We have got a clip of the song
08:44One kiss on your neck. It was so concrete
08:48I'm done looking for somebody
08:54Closed doors
08:57Things I've never felt before
08:59Crushing eyes when you first saw me
09:04Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
09:08Share the leaves
09:11Throwing a coffee
09:13Yeah, I met you at a dinner party
09:26Please tell us the details of the single the name and when it's out
09:31And then we can go who the single is the dinner party. It's out today and the album is coming
09:35very soon
09:45Niall I found out some other information about you which I'm obsessed information about me for Vogue you went through
09:51your beauty
09:52routine
09:57All right, and by the way it would not fit on these cards. Not even a small font. I
10:06There are 22 steps wait one you light a candle to set the tone
10:14Explain give me a minute. Go on. I'll give her half an hour
10:19For there's a cold water splash pardon
10:22At number nine is you play with big silver balls
10:28There are so many tell me what you actually do I do quite a few of them to be fair
10:32I'm quite I'm quite a big into the skincare do the ice water in the morning three or four dunks
10:43A couple of moisturizers and like
10:47Serum a moisturizer as to have a spray. Well, it's like a cold plunge for your face. Yeah, it's fucking
10:53he's actually 72 years old
10:59I'm so impressed. I'm used to dealing with lads who cleaned their face at the scrub daddy
11:02I need to move up in the world
11:10Yeah
11:12Um guys, what are you doing in the morning?
11:14Look, by the way, look how I'm acting at that skin
11:16I know
11:16You know, but like I wash my face
11:21Sometimes, you know, sometimes some mornings is hard my wife puts that. Um, is it like a blackhead?
11:27What is that blackheads? I don't know what it is, but every time is every time she puts it on
11:33She insists that she's the one to take it off
11:36And when she peels it she does the same thing every time she peels it looks at it says disgusting
11:43So, you know
11:44Yeah, I'm very satisfying though. Does she rip it off hot like quick?
11:49It depends on the mood
11:50Got it. Got it. I think what I'm my plan is to
11:55Two-step skincare and then just eventually got a gorgeous Korean facelift. Yeah
11:59Wow
12:01We can all be doing it
12:03I want it. They just yank you up. Yeah, they yank you up. Yeah, yank you right. All right. The
12:08problem is where did the folds go?
12:09Who cares about the folds? Okay, it goes into the back of your ears, right?
12:13I want my eyes on my head. I want to so much plastic surgery when they cremate me I won't
12:16burn. I'll just
12:19Just melt down
12:20Just melt down
12:21It just melts down
12:23Yeah, I can't wait
12:25It's good, it's good
12:27I just shrink amazing
12:29Remember those crisp packets in the 90s you used to put in the oven they just shrink
12:32Yeah
12:32That would be me. Fingers crossed. That's my goal
12:35Yeah
12:36It's a good goal. I like it
12:37Thank you
12:38I want my eyes on the top of my head
12:39Yeah, yeah
12:40That was brilliant
12:41I want my ass on my back. That's what I want
12:44I'm following you
12:45Yeah, of course
12:47Rachel, you're back in the UK
12:49Back in the Palladium
12:51Yeah
12:51And you're here for a very special week of concerts
12:54Yeah, I'm doing a week of concerts of the 25th anniversary of the musical The Last Five Years
12:59With my good friend Ben Platt
13:01There we are
13:02There's our faces
13:03Oh yeah
13:04And it's so, so special
13:06Because it's directed by the writer and composer Jason Robert Brown
13:10Who will also be on stage conducting, playing piano, all those things
13:14And I've just been dying at the opportunity to work with my good friend Ben
13:17I'm so excited
13:18So good
13:19What I love is when I came to see you earlier you were like, I was watching Ben sing today
13:22He was amazing
13:23It's just, it's actually disgusting
13:25Like, Ben's, I'm mad about it
13:28Yeah, you get it
13:29It's like, it's one of those things where you watch your friends be talented
13:33And you're just, it's revolting
13:36I want to push him down the stairs
13:39Let's not do that
13:39But he'll feel the same way about you
13:41He will
13:42Maybe
13:43He really will
13:44I don't
13:46Please tell me when we can come and see the concert
13:49Tuesday, March 24th through March 29th at the London Palladium
13:54It's so exciting, I can't wait, I cannot wait
13:56Can I come?
13:57Yeah, you can come
14:05You at the Palladium, we have to talk about Avita, you've just been nominated for an Olivier Award, congratulations
14:11Thank you
14:16Thank you
14:17Um, yeah, there she is
14:19This is when you came out to the balcony
14:21Yeah
14:22And you sang
14:22When they first told you that idea were you like, don't be ridiculous guys
14:26Oh no, I was like, whatever we need to do, let's make it happen
14:29It was beyond my wildest dreams I never could have imagined
14:31There were more people on closing night outside than there were sat inside
14:35Wow
14:36Unbelievable
14:37Wow
14:37There were like 3,000 people I think outside for the final night
14:40It went all the way down to the IKEA
14:42On
14:44You guys
14:45Yeah
14:46Yeah
14:47Yeah
14:47And it was unbelievable
14:48There's 2,200 seats in the Palladium roughly
14:50Wow
14:51So it was amazing
14:52And were there some nights that really stuck with you?
14:55Pride
14:55Yeah
14:56It was amazing
14:56Because everyone was so hammered
15:00That they were singing along incorrectly
15:04I had a, we could see the building across from me on Argyle Street
15:08Which was, it's a building with restaurants, there's offices I'm sure
15:11Um, and there was somebody who stood in the stairwell
15:14And just kind of mimicked my every move
15:17In my direct eye line
15:19It was hysterical
15:20I have to give kudos
15:20I don't know who they are
15:22Kudos to that man
15:23Thank you
15:24You saw Rachel didn't you?
15:26I did
15:26It's crazy
15:27Yeah
15:27Why would you do that?
15:28It was the holistic in town
15:29I had to pull a lot of strings
15:32To get in
15:33To get in
15:33It was phenomenal
15:34If it makes you feel any better
15:35I am also disgusted by you
15:37Oh cool
15:37Yeah
15:38A lot of people are
15:39I was like the lungs
15:41And now you're funny as well
15:43I'm going to have to have you put down Rachel
15:44That's all right
15:46Everyone say goodbye to Rachel
15:48Hi
15:49Now, we have somebody here
15:50I believe
15:51Who is about to play Evita at the Swan
15:54Where are you?
15:55In Worcester
15:55Rosie, are you here?
15:57Rosie! Hello!
15:58Hi darling
15:59Rosie, number one good luck
16:01When does it start?
16:0221st of April
16:03So soon
16:04Yeah
16:05Oh my god, are you excited?
16:06Yeah
16:06It's the time of your life
16:07Yeah
16:08This is the most exciting part
16:10Do you get enough water breaks?
16:11Um
16:13Yeah, I know
16:15Baby, I know
16:16Because I had this really fun thing
16:18Where I didn't have any costume changes
16:20Where usually, as Eva Perrone
16:22I'm sure you have a lot of costume changes
16:23Drink during those
16:25Yes
16:25Because I didn't have any of those
16:27And I had to beg for water breaks to be choreographed in
16:30Olivier nominee Fabian Eloise
16:31Should win just because he choreographed water breaks into my choreography
16:35And I bet those who saw it didn't even notice
16:39Right
16:39So
16:41But it's the time of your life
16:43Just take it with you
16:44It's so much fun
16:44You'll remember it for a lifetime
16:46Good luck
16:47Good luck, Rick and I
16:47Thank you
16:49Good luck
16:49Rick and I
16:50So fun
16:53Your Evita broke records
16:55It was the longest standing ovation ever in the West End
17:00How long did it go?
17:00Over ten minutes?
17:01Over ten minutes on closing night for sure
17:03But it was one of those moments where I was used to doing
17:07I did Shakespeare in New York
17:08Like you don't get a standing o for everything
17:10But in New York it's very much a part of the culture
17:13After the show is done everybody stands
17:14And I was told many times before the run started like
17:19Well just you know it doesn't mean they don't like it
17:21If they don't stand it doesn't mean that
17:22Because London audiences are a lot more reserved
17:24Which I for one really love
17:26And we got a standing ovation every night
17:28And it was bizarre to everybody in the company
17:31That that was what was going on
17:32And the closing night was I think it was like twelve minutes
17:35It went over the record which was ten
17:39How do you what face do you pull?
17:42There are many videos of me turning to James Olivas
17:45Who plays Peron where I go I don't know what to do
17:48I don't know what to do
17:50And also like I said didn't really have any time off stage
17:54I had to pee so bad
17:56That I would always be like Alan wrap it up
17:59Because we were waiting for
18:00A reprise of money kept rolling in to come in
18:02So that we could dance off the stage
18:03And it just never came
18:05And so there are also videos of me being like
18:07I have to pee
18:10Because you had water breaks
18:12I've got
18:12You've had water breaks and you're not wearing a nappy
18:15I had exactly
18:16I had very rare water breaks
18:18So when I could drink water you best believe I was chugging
18:21Yeah
18:21So it was one of those where I had to pee so bad
18:24It's a three hour musical
18:26And I did not leave the stage once
18:28The only time I left the stage was to go get ready to go do the balcony
18:30And then I came right back onto the stage
18:32So I didn't have any time to pee during the show
18:34Rachel you need a shiwi
18:35Are you using a glass to breathe?
18:38Not that I use it
18:40Very effective
18:42Yeah
18:43Now guys we need to converse about Bait
18:47It's a brand new show for Prime Video
18:50That's correct
18:51This is a creation of Riz Ahmed
18:53I've known Riz for quite some time
18:56I knew him before I even stumbled into this
18:57And he's been really honest
18:59It's a real honest story of what it's like for a guy from a working class family in Wembley
19:05To have done all the stuff he's done
19:07But every time that big role comes
19:09That big opportunity comes
19:10Something goes wrong
19:11Or it doesn't quite happen
19:13And it was wicked to work on it with him
19:16Because it's so honest
19:17It's a lot of his real life and his real story
19:19So yeah
19:19It's got a lot of humour
19:20It's completely crazy
19:22That's how Riz likes to do his stuff
19:24And I think it's very unique
19:25Something that people won't have seen before for sure
19:27This is about Riz going for Bond, right?
19:30He has an audition
19:31And his light
19:33It's four days
19:33That's the story of Bait, isn't it?
19:36Can I tell you the truth?
19:37Yeah
19:37I'm not really sure
19:42Because I'm a truthful person, OK?
19:44It's a month of Ramadan
19:45I've got to tell the truth, OK?
19:46Yep
19:47I'll be reading my words
19:49And then I'll go to sleep
19:50That's all I do
19:54My line
19:55Other person, other person
19:57My line
19:57Other person, other person
19:58My line
19:59My line
20:00Can I just tell you that the PR for the show
20:02I just heard her back there bang her head against the thing
20:06It's really good though
20:07I can tell you that
20:08It's really good
20:09Should we have a clip?
20:10If you want?
20:10Yeah, why not?
20:12Calm down, it's just an audition, yeah?
20:14Call me if you need a body double for sex scenes
20:17Can you tell her to call me as soon as she comes back in?
20:21Yes
20:21Can I tell her?
20:23Can I tell her?
20:24Don't tell her
20:24I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing
20:27I've just got to sort this out
20:28And work it out
20:30Cause
20:30Yo, yo
20:31Look at me
20:32I'm proud of you
20:34Yeah?
20:35F*****
20:36James
20:36Come on my guy
20:37Come on
20:38Let's see what happens
20:38Of course, inshallah
20:39But do they know about the height?
20:41What do you mean?
20:42Are they going to give you special shoes?
20:44Like James Bond's a big, innit?
20:50I'm just saying it
20:51For you
20:52For you
20:53Yes!
20:55Come on!
20:55Come on!
20:57Come on!
20:58Come on!
21:00Tell us not
21:01I have to say it
21:02Are you sure?
21:04Are you sure, Iris?
21:06So, you know
21:07There's certain criteria that I believe you have to hit
21:09To be James Bond
21:10And they killed him at number one
21:12He can't even help that
21:13It's not his fault he didn't get the right level of protein
21:15When he was a kid
21:15You can't make these kind of judgments on somebody
21:17Bless Riz Ahmed
21:18Can I say that we should have a short James Bond?
21:20Because how are you going to be so tall and sneak it around like a secret agent?
21:24I don't see it
21:25I've been saying that for years
21:27LAUGHTER
21:30Where did you first meet him?
21:32Where did I first meet Riz Ahmed?
21:34For legal purposes I've been asked to frame this story
21:38We have to go back like 20 years
21:41Could be a little bit more
21:42And I'm from Coventry
21:44I still live there
21:45And I, before I did this, had different vocations
21:49One of my vocations was
21:54Selling tulips
21:55Let's go with that
21:57Let's go with that
21:58What beautiful tulips they were
22:00Right?
22:00I was a florist
22:01People really like the flowers
22:02Every time they get in there
22:03Brother this flower is the best flower
22:05I ever smell in my whole life
22:07OK?
22:09I was in an alleyway
22:10With my still best friend till this day
22:13And a gentleman comes running into the alleyway
22:15And when you're selling tulips late at night
22:16Everyone's on edge
22:17Yeah?
22:18LAUGHTER
22:20Go with it guys
22:21I looked down the alleyway
22:23And there's Riz Ahmed
22:25But I didn't know it was Riz Ahmed
22:27And Riz Ahmed was a little bit nervous
22:29About the activity of floristry
22:30In this particular alleyway
22:31LAUGHTER
22:32But to his credit
22:34Riz decided to venture down there
22:35To me and my friend
22:36And said
22:37My brothers
22:38I'm about to spit some bars
22:40In the students' union
22:41Would you like to join me?
22:43And I looked at my friend and said
22:44Probably not, man
22:45These tulips ain't gonna sell themselves, brother
22:47You better just
22:47LAUGHTER
22:49My friend who's a good person
22:51He's a good geezer
22:52He said
22:52No, we should support this guy
22:53He looks kind of stressed
22:54So we accompanied him
22:56To the students' union
22:57This is Oscar winning Riz Ahmed
22:5920 years ago
22:59And he performed
23:01Quite
23:02OKish rap music
23:05To a group of six people
23:06In Coventry Students' Union
23:09And ten years later
23:10When I started doing like comedy
23:12And silly stuff like that
23:13He messaged me
23:14And he goes
23:15But can I ask you a question?
23:17I said
23:18Yeah
23:18He said
23:19Did you use to sell tulips?
23:22LAUGHTER
23:23In an alleyway in Coventry
23:25And I said
23:26Who are you?
23:26The police go away!
23:28LAUGHTER
23:29And that's the story of how me and Riz Ahmed
23:31I mean
23:32APPLAUSE
23:35Crazy luck, right?
23:37He invites me to Eid every year
23:38He does
23:39He does
23:40He's a good lad
23:40I can't
23:40I'm gonna miss it this year
23:41Because I'm here
23:42But Riz invites me to
23:44Like they do Eid in New York
23:45Yes
23:46They do an Eid banquet
23:46And I'm missing it this year
23:47And I'm very sad
23:48But he's so
23:49He's salt to the earth
23:50He's a good dude
23:51He's gonna have great flowers
23:52Yeah
23:52On the table
23:53Great tulips that eat
23:54Loads of tulips
23:56And you've worked with another one of your best friends
24:00Who's that?
24:00On this
24:01Lumbu
24:02Because there's this show that I find very difficult to say
24:05So I'm gonna go very slowly
24:06Gus Kahn's Custom Cars
24:08Quite tricky to say
24:09Well done
24:10And you do it with Lumbu
24:12And it is really funny
24:15Look at that
24:15I know nothing about cars
24:17Tell me about this show
24:18Well this show came about because I do like cars
24:22Always have
24:23When we were younger
24:24Uh
24:25Just growing up in a working class family and car
24:27The idea of owning a car
24:29That was more than 750 pounds
24:31Was a bit of a dream
24:32Okay
24:32And now you get to a stage in your career
24:34Where you can say to people
24:36Um
24:36Cars
24:37Can we make a television show about it?
24:39Please somebody
24:39And they were
24:40I was lucky enough for someone to say yeah
24:41But in my head
24:42I always wanted my best friend
24:44To come along on this journey with me
24:45My best friend is Lumbu
24:46To describe Lumbu
24:47He is a human sunflower
24:50Are we talking real flowers this time?
24:51Yeah
24:51Yeah
24:52Yeah
24:52Yeah
24:52Yeah
24:52Yeah
24:53Yeah
24:53Yeah
24:55Yeah
24:55Yeah
25:01But you know
25:02You realise
25:03When you bring your friends to make television
25:05They don't really respect the rules
25:08Tell me more
25:09So like
25:10If a call time is at 8.30 in the morning
25:12Uh oh
25:13Um
25:13And your friend turns up at 2.30 in the afternoon
25:16Right
25:17That probably isn't good
25:19Good for the rules
25:20Right?
25:20Yeah
25:21And it looks bad on you
25:22It looks terrible on me
25:23Sort of loving for it
25:24What was he doing?
25:25What was he doing until 2.30?
25:27Yeah
25:27Sleeping
25:28Oh wow
25:29Just he was tired
25:30That's it
25:31I respect it
25:32I gotta respect it
25:32Yeah
25:33But it's an amazing thing to go on
25:34Like we've been messing around since we were kids
25:35Uh and then we went on this journey to create this incredible custom car
25:39I'd never done that before
25:40But we did realise by the end of the show
25:42That he had created a car that based on his 6 foot 4 length
25:48And my 18 stone weight
25:51We couldn't fit in
25:53Now there's a custom car somewhere in the streets of Coventry rotting in a car park
25:57If anybody wants it go and take it
25:59It was a fun journey, really fun journey
26:01I cannot recommend it enough
26:02It's real
26:03I don't know anything about cars
26:04But I was howling
26:05By the way you two talk to each other
26:07By the way you're talking
26:08There was something about an exhaust pipe
26:10Didn't know what I was
26:11I was in
26:11Yeah
26:12I was in
26:13Where can people watch
26:15I don't know what channel it's on
26:16But you'll find it
26:18It's on Discovery Plus
26:19Is it?
26:20Yeah
26:21And Bait
26:22Amazon for sure
26:23Correct
26:24Prime Video for Bait
26:26And you can witness Riz Ahmed
26:28I assume go on to win an Emmy
26:30Because he's incredible in it
26:32Support the show
26:32It's got proper British flavour
26:35It's got proper energy and humour
26:37Just enjoy it
26:38OK
26:39Thank you
26:39Thank you very much
26:43Before you got into comedy
26:45And before all of this
26:48You were a teacher
26:48I was a teacher
26:50What kind of a teacher were you?
26:53A shit one
26:54I don't believe that
26:58I just don't believe that
26:59I believe that
27:01I believe that
27:01I'm a salesman really
27:02I'm a salesman really
27:03You can see it
27:04That tracks
27:05Yeah sure
27:05What did you teach?
27:07Well here's the thing
27:09So when you do your PGCE
27:11Yeah
27:12Specialise in teaching
27:13You do that
27:15You do that in a specific subject
27:16Or set of subjects
27:17I never got round to teaching those specific sets of subjects
27:21Nice
27:22So like I was basically like a really good big brother forward slash that fun uncle
27:28Yeah
27:29Around school
27:29And I would like to hope
27:30To think maybe that I had contributed in a positive way to the children of Grace Academy in Coventry
27:35If I didn't and you failed your GCSEs I apologise
27:39That is the plot to school of rock without the music
27:41Yeah
27:42Can I tell you something?
27:44Yeah
27:44Your students loved you
27:45Did they love me?
27:46They loved you
27:47Would you like to say hello to them?
27:48No stop it
27:49I'm gonna cry
27:50Shut the front door
27:51I'm gonna cry
27:51Sin man
27:53What?
27:56Hey Mr. Khan
27:57Hello
27:58Yes
28:00Give me another one
28:01Yes
28:01Come here you lot
28:04Come here
28:04Come here
28:07Come here
28:09Come here
28:10Come here
28:11Come here
28:11You're 25 now
28:14Yeah
28:15Come here
28:18Come here
28:19Come here
28:20Come here
28:22Come here
28:23Come here
28:24You bought all the brown ones
28:26What?
28:29Left all the poor white kids at home in Coventry
28:31I love you too
28:32Have a seat on the sofa
28:33Have a seat
28:33Oh that's brilliant
28:35Oh my goodness
28:36Hi
28:37How are you?
28:38Hello
28:38Come here
28:40Come here
28:40Come here
28:42I've loved having a laugh with you
28:44But to hear their stories about how brilliant you were
28:47I don't want to embarrass you
28:48We've gone a bit
28:50Weird
28:51But
28:52But
28:53You were much better
28:55Than your saying
28:57Because Simran what did he do for you?
28:59You know what?
29:01You know what?
29:01As you see Mr Khan
29:02Yeah?
29:03In TV was just like how he was in school
29:05Yeah?
29:06I remember the first time I had him in a class
29:08Yeah?
29:09He goes
29:10Oi Simran
29:11Come here
29:12And I was like
29:13I thought I was in trouble
29:14Right?
29:15And he was like
29:16I can't be asked to do the presentation slide next button
29:19You sit there and you do it for me
29:20Yeah
29:22I was like safe
29:24Right?
29:24But then
29:25The thing is
29:26I was quite shy
29:27Up until
29:28I had Mr Khan as my teacher
29:29And again
29:30He was that fun uncle
29:32Vibes
29:32Right?
29:33Where he made me feel comfortable
29:34And I started to gain a bit of confidence from that
29:36But even after he left
29:38Knowing what he pursued
29:40Was enough to inspire myself to pursue something different
29:45You know?
29:46When you come from Coventry
29:47And you come from a South Asian background
29:49You're not always pushed to do something creative
29:51So now you know
29:52I went to uni
29:53I passed
29:54Yeah
29:55I got you
29:56Yeah
29:56I got an art degree
29:58I got an art degree
29:59I got art degree
30:00And
30:01And
30:01And
30:02Yeah it was like
30:04You contributed more than you think
30:05Oh
30:06You sit
30:09Come on
30:12Come on
30:13How was the family?
30:14Are you okay?
30:16Nafis
30:16Tell us about Mr Khan
30:17Nafis why are you sweating so much?
30:21I don't know what I'm allowed to say
30:22I'm not allowed to say in it
30:25Brother got tulips in his inside pocket
30:27I don't know what
30:29Now you know what it is?
30:31This guy
30:32He made us all feel like you can go out and do anything that you want
30:34Yeah
30:35Coventry's
30:37Coventry's going for tulips
30:38So
30:40Everyone
30:42Well done
30:42Everyone there is some sort of florist
30:44No one really thinks of Coventry and thinks
30:49Oh yeah
30:50Like someone's going to come out of there
30:51So to see somebody go out and do it
30:52Like
30:53I'll be the first one to say it
30:54And everyone in Coventry has guzzers back in
30:56Like we're super proud of what you've done
30:58Come on
31:05Thank you so much Simran Nafis
31:08Thank you
31:09Come on
31:22Oh
31:23That was so nice I never marked a book in my life
31:30It was so lovely. Thank you so much for coming
31:33Joanne tell me your tour you keep adding more dates. You are playing huge arenas
31:40Pinot file there. It is
31:44File
31:46Pino, it's a fun pun. It has my gun press a little difficult. So I'm delighted to be here Claudia.
31:51Thank you
31:53Not every BBC show would take me with a name like that
31:57We're doing huge venues fun or ever since like this great crack. Yeah, sometimes I think it gets a reputation
32:03for being this kind of feral
32:10It's a predominantly female audience
32:11Okay, but a man messaged me and he was like is it safe for me to come? Oh my god
32:17They obviously think I'm running some sort of cannibalistic
32:21Like we're putting men in cauldrons and boiling them and then drinking their bone broth or something which I would
32:25do for an effort special
32:26But no, it's great. I love it like I love getting I love traveling around living out of a suitcase
32:32Yeah, we should say you broke records for the longest ever standing ovation at the Palladium you broke a different
32:38record
32:39Well, Rachel I to play the London Palladium and broker records
32:44Mm-hmm. It was for wine cells
32:55So maybe they want to stand for me to Rachel, but they couldn't because they were too pissed
33:01I love your fans. Isn't it true that every venue like I just not in a bad way
33:06I just want to warn you that like have you got white wine if you got percent and they're like
33:10yeah, we've got enough and you're like
33:11We're similar women the women coming a little bit. You know, we like
33:16Yeah
33:19ADHD like it. There's a vibe. Yeah, thank you feral physically groomed, you know
33:23Maybe we might eat out of a being on a weekend. That's the vibe of the shop
33:36You know you're talking about wee bricks we're gonna need one after this
33:40Pena file I'm on sale now
33:50You're doing one of these shows and you also would like to adopt a dog. I bought a house finally
33:56on the ladder
33:57I have a garden lovely. I was like I'll obviously I'll rescue a dog cuz that's what you do. Are
34:01you adopt?
34:01Also, I'm adopted myself, so I feel it's only fair to pay it for it
34:14Yeah, I know
34:17So I would always rescue I would never buy it
34:21Shame on you having your own children
34:29It is so hard and now I'll probably get rinsed for saying this
34:34But like I was like a blah blah blah
34:35I want to adopt a little and they were like yeah, did you have a car and I was like
34:39no I said I have access to an e-scooter
34:43If you don't have a car and I was like they're like you can't adopt a dog. I was like
34:47when we're driving it to its piano lessons
34:50If you because I couldn't if you don't have a garden they don't
34:54Yeah, fine then you can have a whole litter hive. I don't know
35:01So you have these lovely fans what is the wildest thing your fans have ever done and one time in
35:08the in the Apollo
35:09I could sense there was like a kerfuffle
35:13In one of the balconies
35:15It's kind of distracting you're like what's going on you don't stop the show
35:18Well, you're dying to know the tea of what's up. Yeah, yes, I know there was a woman taken out
35:23again
35:24I'm not really selling the show here. I'm worse than you
35:28There was a woman taken out by her arms and her legs I carried I yeah
35:33Yeah, I was like I'm rage and I miss that now
35:36I thought would have been worth stopping the show for I think her bag fell over the balcony and she
35:40was trying to get us and I
35:41They were worried she'd fall and I don't know anyway. Look, it's fine
35:46Same space we put seatbelts in the balconies there. They're strapped in
35:53Now Joanne your fans are a bit like a cult they love you
35:57Would you be up for joining one because I definitely would I have a cult vibe for I'm suggestible
36:03I'd be easily like I'm I think I'm involved in it aloe vera pyramid already, which is kind of
36:10Cult vibes. I like I like the sense of camaraderie. Yeah, do you? Yeah, you don't you die alone? You
36:16die in a gang?
36:17And everyone drinks the poison, but I'm such a boozer. I'll probably just completely survive
36:21I'll never be dead. I'll pop a sobbed in and get out of my day. I I do my agent
36:27won't book hotels near
36:28Scientia Scientology centers because he's like you go in. Yeah
36:32I don't like cults. Yeah, don't want to be part of them don't like reading about them don't know watching
36:36Netflix documentaries about them. They're scary
36:38You've got a cult vibe me. Yeah
36:41I would I would join. Oh, you as the leader? Yes, your leader vibes. Yes. Yeah, I'm very follower vibes.
36:48Yeah, you're leader
36:50I
36:50Come on
36:54Guys, here's the thing tell us about when you went on holiday
36:59The first time we live me to America if work I've never been to America in my life. I always
37:04thought I'd struggle to get in so like
37:12I
37:13Know I
37:14Know I
37:16Tried to get into America as Nile I would be in Guantanamo Bay for the rest
37:22I
37:22You might not
37:24Yeah, I was in one direction
37:27Yeah
37:29I
37:30Laugh but he's not wrong
37:33I live there
37:35Where were you going to Los Angeles? Okay. Yeah, and so I said to my wife and the kids are
37:40like this is gonna be an incredible trip
37:41Let's do it. They're like of course. Let's do it mate
37:43And I'm like yo, this is exciting. Let me book somewhere incredible in the Hollywood Hills
37:49I love my wife and my children and then I saw how much it cost to book somewhere in the
37:54Hollywood Hills
37:55I don't love them that much so I went on the
37:58Airbnb list and I found somewhere that looks sick and it had an exciting name. It was called Topanga
38:04Topanga Canyon
38:05Topanga Canyon
38:05Is that what yes? Okay, so Topanga Canyon. Now it sounds exciting. Yeah, I went on a list and it
38:11had no ratings but it looked sick and it was cheap
38:12No ratings
38:13Yeah, I know I'm an idiot. You've met me now. You've been sitting next to me. You know how this
38:17stuff goes
38:17He's terrible on a call
38:20So I booked it and we got to the airport and there's a wonderful driver that was there to pick
38:25us up
38:25And he said so brother where you going and I was like oh here Topanga he went oh
38:30I
38:30I said why you say ooh for like that. He said brother man. I'm saying brother like me and you
38:36We don't be in Topanga
38:39Immediate worrying sign but I thought anyway, it's cheap two of the kids are asleep one's vomiting in the back.
38:45Let's just get to Topanga
38:45Okay, so we're heading up to Topanga and it's very it's very like um uphilly
38:51Yeah, there's a lot of altitude and we're traveling there and he's telling me all these terrible stories about man
38:55shit man ain't nothing around here
39:03We should be here. Anyway, I'm listening to this geezer bang on and we get to the house pitch black
39:07little noises of crickets and
39:11I don't know what was going on
39:13All kind of animal I never heard in my life, okay, I thought there's people in the butcher going
39:20It's pitch black and the instructions to get in this property are a bit weird. Yeah, you've got to go
39:25around the back and there's no lights
39:26But there were like security cameras all over this house, right? So
39:32We're walking around and then my kids did wherever they're walking this camera's going
39:37Yeah, definitely
39:37Oh
39:38Sketch as hell
39:39Right, so my son's like oh dad the camera's following me. I said shut up man. You don't know what's
39:42going on
39:45So we managed
39:47We managed to get in the house and my middle son Lispy he's called that because he's got a lisp
39:51so Lispy's in the house
39:54You're making that up?
39:55No, so Lispy's in the house and Lispy's like yeah, we love him but you know he's got a lispy
40:00so we're in the house
40:02Brother Scarlett
40:04So Lispy's in his house and Lispy's like his dad Lispy gets feelings. Lispy's like dad's man, dad's
40:10This place is weird dad's and I'm like shut up son man your mom's already angry at me there's no
40:14electricity in the house
40:15It's just dark in here. Anyway, so we found a couple lights all the mood light in but like Lispy's
40:19there touching the walls
40:20Dad's all the walls hollow
40:22I said sometimes walls be like that son
40:26So he's in the house
40:28Everyone's like trying to settle in to this good vibe, okay?
40:32I've got the feeling my wife's looking like why your eyes so wide? I'm like Lispy says there's something weird
40:36in the house
40:37I don't know what's going on
40:39So Lispy's run up the stairs he's touching all the walls upstairs and he come back down he goes dad
40:44Dad I want to show you something dad
40:48So I'm going upstairs with Lispy and my wife is like shit I should have never married you and then
40:57I don't know who it is a room and he's managed to get it open so it was locked but
41:02Lispy is very resourceful
41:06He's managed to get it open and in this in I swear to God in the center of the room
41:11was a cabinet a very ornate
41:14Cabinet no, and I was like Lispy find it because I don't know it's in a room
41:23I don't know what's inside dad. He's opened it double-handed
41:33He's gone dad, dad, what's all that red stuff?
41:37No
41:37No
41:37And in this cupboard in the middle of this already creepy Airbnb there are vials of blood
41:46Lined up all across there
41:48He said dad that don't look good
41:52I said that is not good
41:54We left the house immediately I called the driver and the driver said brother I told you man
42:00We're supposed to be right here
42:02Oh my God
42:03Never went back together
42:05Bloody hell
42:07We're lucky to be alive
42:09Right?
42:10The weird thing is like days later like the Airbnb listing was gone
42:15So big up Lispy
42:18He's the new love of my life
42:20Yeah, genuinely
42:21Right, so we have almost come to the end
42:25But before we close this is quite a lot of pressure, but I just need to ask the first date
42:30I think it's been good, yeah
42:31Yeah, we didn't ruin it then, no
42:33No, not at all
42:34I don't know what we're gonna do for the next date like
42:37Graham?
42:43I can sort that out for you
42:46But maybe next time I don't know a dough ball and a drink
42:51If you're still together at the end of the year, you can come and watch my show even if you
42:54like it or not
42:56Do you want to come see a musical about divorce?
42:58I would love it, yeah
43:01Awesome, great
43:02I was gonna say
43:03Do you want to be carried out in all fours?
43:07From a balcony at the hammers with Apollo? I can do that
43:09Do you want to come to the south of Tudis?
43:21That is it, we are off to play swing ball and talk more about tulips
43:26I would like to thank my wonderful guests, Joanne McNally
43:32Gus Conn
43:34Rachel Zegler
43:35And Niall Warren
43:39We are back next week when I'll be joined by Jimmy Carr, Chase Infinity and Lisa Kudrow
43:45Thank you for watching, good night