- 2 days ago
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00:09Did I say something wrong? Kate, Kate, where are you going?
00:17Kate, what's going on?
00:20Nothing, just need a minute.
00:23Kate, it's me, Lindy Darwin-Paul from Wake Up Australia!
00:28In the flesh!
00:28No, no, no.
00:30Well, not in the flesh, exactly, but hey, you'll remember this.
00:33Hello, exercise, bye-bye, thunder thighs.
00:36Remember?
00:36Oh, babe, no, you can't walk through stuff.
00:38That's a dead person thing.
00:48Good news is, she can see us.
00:50Bad news is, she didn't recognise me.
00:53How is that bad news?
00:54How is that news?
00:55Splendid.
00:55Now we shall simply parlay with this woman on who lives where, as in we stay and she goes.
01:00Where?
01:00To one of her other properties.
01:02As an arrest, she'll have several.
01:03Guys, why are we so obsessed with making her leave?
01:05Now we can finally find out all the important stuff that's happened since we died.
01:09Like, did Freddie Mercury ever settle down with a nice girl?
01:12And is Princess Diana the Queen we all knew she would be?
01:15Are Kylie and Jason still together?
01:17Oh my god, did the Cold War ever get hot?
01:18Was Y2K a thing?
01:20Did literally everybody do the locomotion?
01:22Or just some people?
01:23Yeah.
01:24Be ashamed to burn her out now, boss.
01:26Says the heartless brute who kicked her into a coma.
01:29Under the instruction of a complete mottling head.
01:31Guys, I'm happy to be our official ghost-to-breather liaison.
01:36What gives you the authority?
01:37You're not in the clergy.
01:39Or an admiral.
01:40Or the emperor of Australia.
01:41Okay, learning moment.
01:43Um, guys, people these days respect celebrities.
01:46What's a celebrity?
01:47Someone who's been on telly.
01:48Or the internet.
01:49What's a telly?
01:50Or the internet.
01:50What's a someone who's been on?
01:53Ghosts.
01:53Like, like actual ghosts?
01:55Yep.
01:55Let's go lie down in your bed at the hospital.
01:57I'm sure it's just the drugs coming out of my system.
01:58Or like concussion.
01:59But they say it's best to stay awake, so.
02:01Oh, hey, don't worry.
02:02I totally forgive you.
02:03I mean, it must be super weird seeing a ghost.
02:06Especially a famous one.
02:07You're intimidated, right?
02:09I was intimidated when I met Ralph Harris.
02:11But then he was like, wobble wobble.
02:12And I was like, ah!
02:13He's harmless.
02:14This is a nightmare.
02:15We need to be ruthless.
02:16So red is Chuck and green is Keith.
02:18Do you mind just starting over there?
02:19I can imagine it brings up all kinds of feelings.
02:21You know, fear, gratitude, arousal.
02:25Hey Kate, you sure you're all good?
02:26Stop worrying.
02:27I just need you to help me with this.
02:28Let's focus on the task at hand.
02:30Hey Kate, I lost a gold nugget somewhere in the house.
02:34So small favour, could you pull up all the floorboards?
02:37This is June.
02:38He's a miner.
02:39Oh, the digging kind.
02:40Not like a ghost kid.
02:41That would be sad.
02:42But not as sad as like a kid down the mines.
02:43Thank God those child labour days are over, right?
02:46Hey, where do they make clothes now?
02:47Kate, are you okay?
02:49Cause, disc away, you know?
02:50No, I'm totes fine.
02:51We just need to not get distracted by anyone.
02:54As in by you?
02:56Yes.
02:57Yes, because there's no one else here, obviously.
02:58Ah, well, I'm here and June's here and we're all gonna be best friends.
03:02Hey, should we make a blood pact?
03:03Best friends, brother!
03:09Oh, good.
03:10A corpse bride.
03:11I beg your pardon.
03:12My name is Miranda Persephone Bathsheba Munchen.
03:15But I will also respond to Miranda.
03:17You are not real.
03:18I am hallucinating.
03:19Oh, yes.
03:20One of my old servants used to talk to herself.
03:23Idiocy, they called it.
03:25Actually, she had your hair.
03:26It's just internalised racism.
03:28I'm a writer, you see.
03:29I'm like Miles Franklin, except without all that tiresome feminism.
03:33Internalised misogyny.
03:34And you will have the honour of scribbing my debut novel.
03:38Very exciting.
03:39I'll dictate a new type.
03:41Yes?
03:44You are literate, aren't you?
03:47Oi!
03:48Hey, no, hey, come back.
03:49Listen, listen.
03:50Just wanna talk to you, alright?
03:51Hey, you can't hear ya.
03:52Me and the boys soundproofed the place back in the 90s.
03:54Just so the neighbours couldn't hear the screaming.
03:56From the game nights.
03:59Karaoke, Yahtzee, murder mystery parties.
04:01Oh.
04:02And the murders.
04:04Hey, listen, listen, alright?
04:06I don't need an apology or nothing,
04:08but you overreacting and going to the hospital,
04:10that was a bit much.
04:11Get out of the way.
04:12I'm trying to tell ya.
04:13I'm not gonna hurt ya.
04:15I'm barely even here.
04:16I'm made up of, like, dead air and that.
04:18You could walk straight through me and you wouldn't even feel it.
04:21I walked straight into that one.
04:25Alright, we're even now, yeah?
04:30Now, you.
04:31It's Kate.
04:31Kate.
04:32Kate.
04:32Kate.
04:33Kate, you must understand that we mean you no harm.
04:35We simply wanted you to leave and never come back.
04:37Now, as leader...
04:38And who are you supposed to be?
04:39Captain Cook?
04:40Cook?
04:41James Cook?
04:41The only thing he cooked was his resume.
04:43Man couldn't navigate his way out of a puddle.
04:45Now, in regards to that little bump on your head,
04:48as leader of the ghosts,
04:49it is my responsibility to ensure that Satan takes full responsibility.
04:53Satan.
04:54The Prince of Darkness.
04:56No, my leather-bound first mate with the underbite in the skin of a pirate.
05:00Although his real name is Brian, but I don't believe in changing names willy-nilly.
05:04Not in my New Holland.
05:07Dismissed.
05:09Dismissed.
05:09Am I, like, too tough?
05:11Okay.
05:11I'm too tough, hey?
05:12So she didn't recognise me.
05:13That's fine.
05:14I mean, she's only one woman, unemployed, on the verge of a mental breakdown, just at
05:18my exact target market.
05:20I mean, I could tell from her elbows that she hadn't done my workouts, but like, what about
05:23my cookbook?
05:24And my Christmas cookbook?
05:26And my after Christmas diet cookbook?
05:27Lynch, mate, she won't even ball when you kicked the bucket.
05:29Dying really derailed my career, huh?
05:31But at least I reached my goal weight, I'm zero kilos.
05:36Wait, that's the tape of my show!
05:38Tape?
05:39Who tapes Bricky TV?
05:41Um, two million people tuned in to Wake Up Australia every morning.
05:44Many because of my segments, like Smoke Your Way to Skinny.
05:46We helped so many new mums.
05:48Oh, I'd murder a dud.
05:52Oh, Kate needs to see this tape.
05:54It proves my icon status.
05:56You take, you take it to, you take it to Kate, sir.
05:59Yes, let's go.
06:00Let's, let's take it to Kate.
06:01Off we go.
06:02We are taking it to Kate, aren't we?
06:13Don't worry, it's not blood.
06:15It's after birth.
06:17I pushed a baby out right there.
06:19Me tent there was, so little bugger practically walked out.
06:23You'll be wanting at least seven if you're staff in a hotel.
06:26Twelve if they finally put in that railroad.
06:30Oh yes, I can see you're scared.
06:33Mothering is hard.
06:35But after a few, it just gets harder.
06:42Let's say a little prayer now, shall we?
06:45Holy Father above, let's Kate and her eejit of a husband
06:48with a pitter-patter of little tratters,
06:51sow her womb with the seeds of life.
07:02Hey.
07:03Oh, no, absolutely not.
07:05Out.
07:05Huh?
07:05Kate, your husband took something very important to me
07:07and threw it away.
07:08We're not married.
07:09Did I ask?
07:10Kate, mirrors don't work for us anymore.
07:12Am I still Chinese?
07:13What do I look like?
07:14You're very handsome.
07:15Uh, thank you.
07:16Now about my novel.
07:18Any other room.
07:18My bedroom.
07:19Go.
07:19Look, I don't know what Tasha's told you about me,
07:21but, uh, my divorce isn't final yet.
07:23What?
07:24Great, you met Lewis.
07:25Wait, is there a Lewis that you can see too?
07:28He's hooking up the NBN.
07:30Oh.
07:31Oh, hi.
07:32Hi Lewis.
07:33Hi.
07:33Hi.
07:34I'm so sorry, I haven't slept very well,
07:36so I'm a little bit frazzled.
07:37Yeah, nah, it's alright.
07:38Look, your two changes are all the same.
07:40You move to the country with dreams of growing your own food
07:42and making your own clothes,
07:43and then you get bored.
07:44And then one night, you drink too much
07:46and one of you say,
07:47maybe we should open things up.
07:48Ooh.
07:49No, no, no, no.
07:50Not what I meant.
07:50Nah, I get it.
07:51You all have fantasies about the hot NBN guy.
07:53God, what's happening?
07:54I don't know.
07:55You threw out my tape!
07:55He complimented me on my pyjamas.
07:57I assumed that he was a-
07:58A man of taste.
07:59Yeah, I am.
08:00Because I'm an interior designer.
08:02Oh.
08:02And I'm a plumber.
08:04Oh.
08:04And a chippy and a sparky
08:05and a landscaper and a roofer.
08:07Which you would know
08:08if you'd ask one single question about me
08:10before trying to get into my tool bag.
08:13Ah.
08:15But no, thank you.
08:16Um.
08:17Well, that's what you get for throwing out my tape.
08:19Because the highest rate of data
08:21is within a hundred kilometers.
08:23Lewis.
08:23What is happening right now?
08:24This mirror is crazy.
08:26It's not a mirror, you Luddite.
08:28It's a time machine.
08:29Like the time machine from the novel.
08:30The time machine.
08:31They're all back to the future.
08:32You can't go back to the future.
08:34Why not?
08:34Maybe if you don't understand the genre,
08:36you shouldn't participate in the conversation, yeah?
08:38Mate, you're not smiling at me
08:39because you read a book.
08:39It's called a novel.
08:40Kate, I understand if you have to ignore me
08:42in front of the general public,
08:43my last boyfriend did the same.
08:44But now the general public is gone,
08:46so I wondered if we could be best friends already.
08:48Coffee?
08:49Take me back to hospital.
08:50Good plan.
08:51Everyone wants a famous friend, don't they?
08:52Stop touching the time machine.
08:53Don't you?
08:54Kate?
08:57We'll talk to a doctor.
08:59I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
09:01What, people are just suddenly hounded by needy ghosts?
09:03What if the doctor fixes her brain
09:05and then she can't see us anymore?
09:06Well, then we'll unfix her brain.
09:08How?
09:09I'll get Satan to push her over
09:10as many times as necessary.
09:12Aren't you guys excited to, like,
09:14meet somebody new?
09:15That girline isn't gonna be your friend.
09:18She's young and alive.
09:19You're old and dead.
09:21Now the key would be to run at her to the scheme.
09:22I mean, I never get to have any female friends
09:24because they're always so jealous of me
09:25because of the way that I...
09:26What are you doing?
09:27I'm going back to the past to tell my past self
09:29not to lose my gold.
09:29But why are you walking backwards?
09:31Because I go back to the past.
09:34No, you go back to the future.
09:36Ah, Satan!
09:36We have been over this.
09:37Just concentrate.
09:38I got two callbacks for young talent time.
09:40I was nominated for best new talent.
09:43Please calm yourself.
09:44I'm pregnant, how's my candlelight?
09:46Lindy, here I go.
09:47Need electricity!
09:48Back to the goldmine.
09:49Bye everyone!
09:50I'm on the cover of TV Weeks magazine!
09:52Careful!
09:53Now look what you've done.
09:55June could be lost in the past forever.
09:57I'm sorry.
09:58June!
09:59You in the past, mate?
10:01I'm in some kind of teacup bowl cave.
10:04Yeah, I'm 90% sure he's in the kitchen.
10:11I'm sure it's just concussion or maybe the stress of living with my boyfriend for the first time or sudden
10:16home ownership.
10:17But I'm seeing people from different time periods and they want things from me all the time, all day.
10:23Now, there's no need to get hysterical.
10:26Excuse me?
10:27It seems the accident brought you so close to death that you gained the ability to see dead people.
10:32Oh!
10:33So that's like an actual diagnosable, like a medical condition.
10:35No, not exactly.
10:36Listen sweetheart, like I told my wife, you need to calm down and listen while a man is talking.
10:47Sorry to keep you. I'm Dr. Green.
10:49Don't worry. She's good. For a woman.
10:52So, what seems to be the problem?
10:56In terms of your CT scan, everything looks fine.
10:59Sorry, you did.
11:03Move! Move! Move those boxes!
11:05Hit it from the pelvis, just like Elvis!
11:07Come on big boy! You can do it!
11:10Fire tape!
11:11Why do you want this tape so bad?
11:12Because if I wasn't famous, then who am I?
11:16I just feel like I don't have any friends in the house.
11:20You know, Mum and I were so close, we shared everything.
11:24Dreams, clothes, men.
11:26What?
11:27With Eileen there's a generation gap, I mean there's like ten gaps.
11:30And with Miranda, she has...
11:31How do I say this?
11:32Stick up her arse.
11:33No, that's mean!
11:35Although maybe that would be helpful, but she has terrible posture.
11:38I don't know.
11:39Maybe I'm just not...
11:40best friend material.
11:43What are you talking about?
11:45You're fit.
11:46Pretty hot.
11:47Yeah.
11:48And those are really important best friend qualities.
11:51But I just feel like maybe I wasn't important to anyone.
11:55You know, I wasn't a third commander like Gideon or a wife or a mum.
12:00Yet.
12:03You weren't a mum yet.
12:06Satan, with the amount of Chardonnay I had for breakfast, I was never going to be a mum.
12:09Drunk people have kids all the time.
12:10Look at Eileen, she's got like 30 of them.
12:13I just mean like I feel like I don't have a best friend that I can talk to in the
12:16house.
12:17And forever feels like a really long time to not have a best friend.
12:25Um...
12:32I mean, you can talk to me, Lindy. We're mates.
12:35Satan.
12:37Everyone knows that men and women can't be friends.
12:39Someone always falls in love eventually.
12:41Yeah, yeah.
12:42Yeah, eventually.
12:46It's a universal fact.
12:47Like how women can't drive and men shouldn't be left alone with children.
12:53I don't know.
12:54That's a bit harsh, don't you think?
12:56Some women can drive.
12:58Yeah, legally.
13:00Yeah.
13:01Yeah.
13:10Oh, hey.
13:11How'd you go?
13:12You cured?
13:15I'm pregnant!
13:18Ah!
13:19Ah!
13:19Ah!
13:19Ah!
13:19Ah!
13:22Can we get out of here?
13:23Yeah.
13:24Yeah.
13:25Come on.
13:25Let's go.
13:27Hey.
13:28What happened?
13:29Here.
13:37More pills!
13:38Do you have any pills?
13:40I know!
13:40Stop!
13:41Ah!
13:42Ah!
13:52Okay, so dead people everywhere.
13:55Yep.
13:56With horrific injuries.
13:58What, Kate?
13:59That's awful.
14:00Are they, like, evil?
14:03Well, one of the ones in there is literally Captain Cook's frenemy, so...
14:06Oh.
14:07Is there any mob?
14:08Like, can you see any ancestors?
14:10No.
14:11No.
14:11I can't.
14:12Oh!
14:12What?
14:13What?
14:13It's the hot Chinese minor.
14:15Okay, you didn't mention he was hot.
14:16Yeah, well, he's also a pantless.
14:18What?
14:19And he's...
14:19Ooh!
14:20Yep, he's right up in my face.
14:21Can you come fix the time machine?
14:23I just ended up in the kitchen.
14:25Um...
14:25Can't they just walk through windows?
14:27Yeah, I don't know why I did that.
14:30Sean, what are we gonna do?
14:32Okay.
14:33You know what?
14:34We just...
14:34We just leave the house, yeah?
14:35And we'll deal with all that horrible loan stuff later.
14:43No.
14:44This is my house, Sean.
14:46I'm not leaving.
14:47So they have to.
14:49Yeah.
14:50Yeah.
14:51Yeah.
14:51Oh, you know what?
14:52Why don't we call your mum and we can do like a smoking ceremony like she did for Uncle Tony
14:56last year and she can just smoke out the bad spirits and now that I'm looking at you maybe
15:01not.
15:02No.
15:03No.
15:04I don't want to get mum involved, Sean.
15:06Also, I'm not from here so it's really not our place.
15:08It's a valuable teaching moment.
15:11But they don't know that.
15:17Okay, I am giving you one hour to vacate the premises or I'm smoking you out.
15:20Mob rules.
15:25Why are you laughing?
15:26Surely that isn't how it works.
15:29Mother said ladies who smoke in public are strumpets.
15:31Are you kidding?
15:31Smoking looks cool.
15:33It burns calories.
15:34It helps you breathe shorter.
15:35It's like the only thing in life without a downside.
15:37I'm not smoking ciggies.
15:38I'm gonna smoke you out of here.
15:39I wish you would stop talking about smoking.
15:44That was awesome.
15:45If it was that easy, I would have been sucked off after the fire of 1895.
15:50Wait, sucked off?
15:51Did the pantless guy say that?
15:53It's the process of ascending from this mortal realm to whatever lies above or below.
15:57Egypt.
15:58That's going down.
16:00Going down.
16:01Was this place a brothel?
16:03No.
16:03Aye, for a short time it was.
16:05Yes.
16:05I am so in the dark.
16:07Bit of ghost logic, Kate.
16:08You stay where you die.
16:09And how you die.
16:11Oh yes, I can see that.
16:12It was a misunderstanding.
16:13Hang on.
16:13So you are all stuck here?
16:15Do you think I would go have a date with these people otherwise?
16:18Stuck is a negative term.
16:20I'm honored to stand guard over my land.
16:22Always was.
16:23Always will be.
16:25That's why you'll always be a human kebab.
16:27Oh, I'd murder a kebab.
16:29Sorry!
16:30The electricity fritzes whenever I get upset.
16:32Or excited.
16:33Or horny.
16:34That still happens.
16:35Yeah, I still get stiffies.
16:36Everyone's standing at half-mast right now.
16:38Speak for yourselves.
16:39My curtains are practically canvas.
16:42They repel all water.
16:43What?
16:43Like a dry as a bone?
16:44Aye, as a bone.
16:46Dry.
16:47As a bone.
16:50What's happening?
16:50Is it working?
16:52No.
16:53Fixing the fuse box is a little tricky.
16:56The key is actually just remembering the order, which is easy because I've made it a dance.
16:59Okay, so it's yellow knob, red knob, wiggle wiggle, boom, boom, turn around, underground, lights it down.
17:06Oh, that's nonsense.
17:09Oh, they're just convicts.
17:12Spiders.
17:13For some reason they prefer it down here.
17:15Don't ask.
17:16Why not?
17:16Oh, because I don't know.
17:18Sorry.
17:18I thought that was obvious.
17:19The dark reminds us of the shit.
17:20Such a magical time.
17:22Oh, yeah.
17:22I thought the conditions were awful.
17:23You've been talking to Gideon.
17:25He was third fleet.
17:26He would say that.
17:27Fake games!
17:28First fleet rules!
17:30Third fleet rules!
17:31First fleet rules!
17:33Third fleet rules!
17:34Hurry up.
17:35Hurry up.
17:35The spiders are sensing my fear.
17:37Okay.
17:37So, follow me.
17:38So, I'm gonna go.
17:40Yellow knob, red knob.
17:42Yellow knob, red knob.
17:44And then wiggle, wiggle.
17:46Is that necessary?
17:47Well, your uncle once sat in the dark for a month because he didn't wiggle.
17:51Okay.
17:52Um, wiggle.
17:55Boom, boom.
17:56Boom, boom.
17:57Turn around.
17:58Turn around.
17:59That one.
18:00Yes.
18:02Underground.
18:04That's it.
18:05Underground.
18:05And there you have it.
18:06Lights out!
18:08Turn it off!
18:11Turn it off!
18:12Turn it off!
18:12Turn it off!
18:12Turn it off!
18:12How'd you do that?
18:14It's Lindy, right?
18:16Yes.
18:18But you can just call me, this is my new best friend, Lindy.
18:22What?
18:23Mm.
18:24Mm.
18:25Mm.
18:25Are you alright?
18:26Mm.
18:27Yes.
18:27Good.
18:28I just, I felt so happy that I could die.
18:31Mm.
18:33Again.
18:33Problem was he wasn't going fast enough.
18:35That's what I said.
18:36That's why he ended up in the kitchen, not the past.
18:37Ooh.
18:37Don't listen to me.
18:3888 miles an hour.
18:39Alright.
18:40Who wants to watch a bit of Wake Up Australia?
18:43Where's your telly?
18:43What do you think that is?
18:44Well, it's certainly not your time machine.
18:46I told you that.
18:46Time machines look like cars.
18:48Oh.
18:49Sit down.
18:50Okay.
18:50Hey.
18:52Welcome to Pump and Dump Mummies.
18:54Just because you're stuck in the house doesn't mean you can't work out.
18:57It's my day.
18:57Oh my god, it's actually you.
19:00Whoa.
19:00You look great.
19:02You're welcome.
19:02Grab anything heavy.
19:04Your man's tinnies will do just fine.
19:06Oh.
19:06Oh, I know her.
19:07My mum had all her videos.
19:08I used to watch them all the time when my parents went to bed.
19:10Oh my god, she's in the room, isn't she?
19:13There you go.
19:14And indeed you were famous.
19:15The self polluting young man.
19:17I know.
19:17And it's all I ever wanted.
19:19Until now.
19:20Now I want friendship as well.
19:21Hey babe, can you tell her I was joking?
19:23I was joking.
19:24I was joking, obviously.
19:25It's so fine.
19:27Don't worry, you just made her afterlife.
19:28We both did.
19:30Get that beer out of the esky.
19:32Yes.
19:33And pass it to your bloke.
19:34Okay.
19:35And remember, if you're hungry, no you're not.
19:39I actually thought it would get her sucked off.
19:42But no.
19:43I will need an explanation for that at some point.
19:46We'll go ahead.
19:46We're marching.
19:47Like we're in the army.
19:49Just kidding.
19:50We're girls.
19:51We can't join.
19:52Pick up your knees, Cherie.
19:53I saw you have that cheesecake at lunch.
20:00And what happened?
20:04Uncle Alfred taped over you, sorry.
20:06No, please.
20:06That's all right, Linz.
20:07We'll watch a family movie instead, yeah?
20:09Something like Scarface.
20:10Wait, wait, wait, wait.
20:11I want to see what happens.
20:12My goodness.
20:14That looks exactly like Daddy's Prize Marino.
20:16Prince William Bunty McDaniel.
20:19No, no, no.
20:20Change it.
20:20Is there anything on colonisation?
20:22What's that say?
20:24Colonoscopy.
20:24Oh, that'll be right up your alley.
20:25This is nice, isn't it?
20:37What?
20:40Sorry.
20:42Stage fright.
20:43No, they're not here.
20:45We're alone.
20:46Promise?
20:50Yeah.
20:51Almost.
20:57Hey, so Kate, I want to know all about your first patch.
21:00Mine was with my cousin Leslie.
21:02That's gross.
21:02Can you please get out?
21:03No, it wasn't as bad as you think.
21:05We'd known each other our whole lives, so.
21:06Out.
21:07At least my flatmates had boundaries.
21:09I have boundaries.
21:09I just want to know how flexible Kate is.
21:11Out.
21:11Hey, I can't go.
21:12It's our first sleepover.
21:14Sleepover Club.
21:17Sleepover Club.
21:45I have boundaries.
21:46Have a breadboard.
22:10Suitover Club.
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