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00:13I don't think Dakota being anywhere is a good idea.
00:27I don't think he should be at anything that we're at.
00:29I feel like this is just how all of Taylor and Dakota's fights go.
00:33They both don't have any self-control and they just can't help it.
00:36I knew we were doomed from the moment Dakota walked in the door.
00:39I've been waiting around for someone that is not there.
00:42You don't exist.
00:43He doesn't exist.
00:44Not in you.
00:45He's not you.
00:47It's just going to be someone else.
00:49And it fucking sucks.
00:51You're always cutting me down.
00:52You're always saying how much I fucking suck and how awful the man I am.
00:56Over the course of everything in our relationship, Taylor, that is all I've ever heard.
00:59And that's what's like so hard for me.
01:01It's so tough on me.
01:02Like that's all I ever hear.
01:04And so I know what I did.
01:05I know I fucked up.
01:06I know I broke you.
01:07I know I screwed up.
01:08I'm not stupid.
01:08I know what I did.
01:10So me and Jace head out there to mediate the conversation, make sure anything doesn't escalate more than Arnie has.
01:17And then I just feel like a sad, disappointed mother who is watching her child just like make all the
01:23wrong decisions in life and ruin her life.
01:25I think it's the part that's so hard is that's also all I've ever heard from you is like, fuck
01:29you.
01:30You're a piece of shit.
01:31I hate you every single day for the last three years.
01:34But you know where it's coming from?
01:35It's coming from just hard.
01:36I'm just hard.
01:37I'm hard.
01:37I'm just kidding.
01:38And I'm not.
01:38You know what?
01:39I deserve everything I fucking did.
01:41I deserve to hear too.
01:42I deserve to hear it when it's coming because it's going to come.
01:46And so I'm sitting here with you because this is what we think we deserve.
01:50This is as good as we get for us.
01:54I'm trying to move forward and it's hard.
01:58I want out of this toxic cycle.
02:01But like for me, I still to this day in therapy have trouble admitting that I deserve better.
02:08Do I think holding on to Dakota is like this wound I'm trying to heal with my biological dad?
02:17Maybe.
02:18I think we both struggle with like just like feeling like, yeah, we like deserve better.
02:31So I don't want to see you hurting.
02:34I want you to be happy.
02:36I want to see you like thrive.
02:37And I am and will always be here for you.
02:44I feel sad for both of you because I want you both to be happy.
02:48Yeah.
02:49But I think unfortunately, and I think you guys both know too, that it's not, it's not meant to be.
02:54It's not.
02:56Yeah.
02:59Obviously, where it ends is like breaking the cycle and like letting it go because to be honest,
03:05the only person I'm torturing is like myself, I just, yeah, I want to let it go.
03:10Like I pray like every day, like just let it go.
03:16I just like more than anything, I think at this point, like we just, we owe it to our son
03:20to like really try to work together on moving forward and just kind of being on the same team for
03:29him.
03:30Because that's all we can do.
03:31Because that's all we can do and we have to do it.
03:32Like we're in each other's lives now forever.
03:36Yeah.
03:38I would much rather make it a little bit better than it'd be awful forever.
03:45Yeah, I agree.
03:46In our situation, if Taylor's not going to be the one that stops, like I'm going to have to do
03:52it.
03:52And I think that's just been really hard for me to do if I'm being honest.
03:55But I just want to be able to like co-parent with her and be there for our son together
04:00and just make sure he comes first.
04:03And that's hopefully the goal.
04:05I just, obviously everything's so fresh.
04:07It's harder to say than done, but I agree.
04:09I want that too.
04:11I cannot be talking about this over and over again.
04:14It's keeping me stuck.
04:15Going out to the bachelorette, I think honestly, in some mysterious way it was meant to be because it is
04:19going to break me from that cycle.
04:20It's a long time.
04:21That's going to be the longest stretch I've had probably without Dakota.
04:24I need to do what's best for me, you know?
05:06I need to do what's best for me.
05:43I honestly feel like this opportunity being on Dancing with the Stars, it's definitely been a lot on me mentally
05:49and physically.
05:50But I want to show my kids it's important to go after their dreams and goals.
05:55You know, if I can do it, you can do it too.
05:59Hey girl.
05:59Hey.
06:01Oh, I miss you.
06:02How are you feeling?
06:03I like love watching you every week.
06:06I just get better and better.
06:07I'm dying right now.
06:08Like I had like five mental breakdowns yesterday.
06:10Like I think everything's starting to catch up to me, especially being away from like Zach and the kids all
06:17day.
06:17Like I think for Zach, I think what's hard for him is he's living for like the Jen show.
06:22Like it's, I'm just, you know, Jen's husband.
06:26And I know that Jacob feels similarly with that.
06:28Jacob's always very supportive, but obviously in LA we kind of had a little bit of a disagreement here and
06:33there about how things should work and business and all of that.
06:36Since then, I think he's been nothing but supportive with not only my career, but also like me emotionally.
06:41And like when I tell him I feel emotional or burnt out, like he is the first one there to
06:44help me and ask me what I need.
06:46As long as he feels appreciated by you, this is like your moment and he needs to understand that.
06:52Like you need that space, you know?
06:54Yeah.
06:55Tell me how it's going for you, like with the book tour and like New York and.
07:00It's so good.
07:01It's just like exhausting.
07:02I'll be back in Utah for, um, yeah, for your event in Salt Lake City.
07:07Love that.
07:08I have my book tour event in Salt Lake next week.
07:10It's been like 10 years of compiling material and writing it down and getting it in a book.
07:15And it's finally here and I couldn't be more excited and proud of myself.
07:18So I did the Tamron Hall show and then I did a virtual podcast and I'm just tired, but it's
07:23worth it.
07:24Like I want to get the most promotion for the book because I can't.
07:27So it's like I know I need to grind, so.
07:30Well, is that hard too?
07:31Like having to like retell all those stories from your book?
07:35Certain interviews are lighter, but some of them like dig a little bit more.
07:38And it's like, oh yeah, it makes me emotional.
07:42I had cried in another one the other day.
07:43I'm like, damn, just hitting.
07:46That's the hardest thing for me to get over with the hurdle of, you know, the recovering
07:51from the abuse is that, um, I blame myself for a lot of it.
07:54It is painful to revisit all these memories.
07:57I am glad to do so if I can help just one other person.
08:00And so that's what I'm really hoping this book will do.
08:03Macy, you're the best.
08:04I freaking love you.
08:06Like, honestly, I miss you.
08:07I love you too.
08:08It's going to be worth it.
08:10Once I win that mirror ball, baby.
08:29How was rehearsal, babe?
08:31It was so good.
08:32I feel like today was the first day where I'm like, specifically for the Samba, I'm like,
08:36ooh, like, I'm feeling it a little bit.
08:39Should we see?
08:40Can we see a little Samba?
08:40Yeah, of course.
08:42I think.
08:43Ooh.
08:45Whoa.
08:48I like the end.
08:51Dance has always been a part of my life.
08:53When I'm dancing, I feel most like myself.
08:56And so being able to be in this experience, I feel like I've re-found something in myself
09:07that was missing, like something reignited and like a light went off.
09:16Hello, love.
09:17I don't mean to call you on a Saturday, but we had to tell you.
09:21Christmas match has officially been greenlit.
09:24I have the offer in hand.
09:26You will star and you will be the executive producer.
09:30Oh, my God.
09:33Oh, my God.
09:36Holy shit.
09:37I've always envisioned this, Whitney.
09:40I've always had this dream of being an actress in big feature films.
09:44This is a movie that is made for TV, so it's a big deal.
09:47Not only will I be an executive producer on this, I am playing the lead role in this feature.
09:52I don't see L.A. looked good on you.
09:54I feel overjoyed, but also overwhelmed.
09:58I've never seen anyone who puts their mind to something go out and achieve it with such strength.
10:05I knew you were going to do this.
10:06I'm not surprised.
10:09I'm crying.
10:12I'm feeling like all my dreams are coming true.
10:14I've never experienced this before.
10:15It's like all these exciting things are happening, but I feel like I already can't catch up.
10:20I'm just, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now.
10:23It's just like, it's very rewarding because it's like, okay, like the blood, sweat and tears, it's paying off.
10:28Like for something like that, I don't know what I'm going to do with MomTalk.
10:33I think L.A. might be our new home base.
10:36I think we need to consider it.
10:37Okay.
10:39I'm experiencing this fork in the road.
10:42It's showing up for MomTalk in Utah while also pursuing this dream.
10:47The truth is, is I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for MomTalk because that's where it all started.
10:52And I don't really know how to navigate that right now.
10:55Your mom is going to be a movie star.
10:57Here we go again and again.
11:03I can feel my heart breaking.
11:07Do you hear just what you're saying?
11:10Told you don't humiliate me.
11:13Here we go again and again.
11:19Where's Mom?
11:21She's already in.
11:23My slip-up with Dakota in California was a big wake-up call, but it's no secret that my mom
11:29is judgmental.
11:30So I'm nervous to tell her.
11:32Like I start sweating before the convo starts because I'm just like, here it comes.
11:35I thought it was going to be cold today.
11:36I know, this is like me.
11:37I'm like dying of heat.
11:39Take that off.
11:40No, it's a tank top.
11:41You're not allowed to wear tank tops because you're Mormon?
11:44She hasn't worn her garments in years.
11:46So why can't you be in a tank top?
11:48You do not wear your garments regularly.
11:51So when did you guys get back from L.A.?
11:53Who all went?
11:54All the girls, their husbands, and then Mason came and Dakota.
11:59Chase was supposed to come, but he got sick.
12:01Why did Dakota go?
12:03I don't know, because he's a power to dad talk.
12:05So I'm not, I don't call those shots.
12:08My hope for Taylor on The Bachelorette is for her to find somebody that she absolutely loves and that is
12:14going to be the best partner for her and her kids.
12:18And then that she can truly forget about Dakota.
12:21So what's, what went on in L.A.?
12:24Nothing really, just hung out.
12:27I mean, I mean, Dakota bitch per usual.
12:30He tells everyone that he wants to be with me still.
12:32And it's like my decision that I don't want to be with him.
12:36So this is like my choice and like true.
12:38But at the same time, like it's my decision because of his decision.
12:42Yeah, totally.
12:43He's to blame.
12:44Yeah.
12:44But it's still your decision to either be with him and live in a miserable life and go through all
12:49this trauma all the time and always be crying or.
12:52Yeah.
12:52Yeah.
12:53So did you sleep with him in L.A.?
12:55No.
12:56No.
12:56Why?
12:57I'm just wondering because he was there.
12:58No.
13:00Why are you laughing?
13:01Why would I ever, even if I did, I'm just saying I would never admit anything to you because of
13:05your reaction.
13:05Just so you know.
13:06I already, I immediately saw it in your face.
13:08Like it was disgust.
13:09Like, did you sleep with him?
13:11Why in the hell am I going to tell you anything if I'm getting that?
13:15She means, well, she means, well, but that being said, there's some judgment there.
13:20Do you think by now the approach would be a little bit different if she's wanting me to confide in
13:25her?
13:26Your reaction, your approach, I would never tell you.
13:29Okay, Dakota Jr. then you're being like Dakota if you're saying that.
13:32Not really.
13:32You're saying exactly what.
13:33You're my mother.
13:34I know, but you're not a fuck boy.
13:38You're my mother.
13:39That's the difference.
13:40You're supposed to be my safe place.
13:41I understand that, but we, I am trying to help me.
13:45Maybe I, I, like you said, I don't come across that way, but I do try to help.
13:49Not telling you shit because I don't want to hear it.
13:50I don't want to hear your approach.
13:52I don't want to hear you yell at me, say I'm trash.
13:54I'm stupid.
13:54I'm dumb.
13:55When I need help, I'm not calling you because this is how you treat me.
13:58You don't call me?
14:00Taylor, what is wrong with you?
14:02You.
14:02What the F is going on?
14:04What do I do?
14:05What do I do?
14:06Your approach to everything.
14:08Taylor, at this point, is just trying to dodge what she has done.
14:13She's just lashing out.
14:14You're my mom.
14:15I know, but you should treat me with respect.
14:17I agree.
14:18In the Ten Commandments, does it say honor your kids?
14:21No.
14:21One of the commandments is to honor your mother and father.
14:24Okay.
14:24And you're the worst at it.
14:26I think it would be nice to, like, have my mom not, like, talk about the prayer, Bible,
14:30this and that.
14:31Kind of just be, like, human with me.
14:32Like, everyone makes mistakes, like, regardless of, like, religion.
14:34Don't you think this is something she acts like that way, maybe because of how it's been
14:39in the past?
14:40But I did sleep with Dakota, so we'll just get that out of the way now, then.
14:43See, that's so dumb.
14:45Go ahead.
14:45Go ahead.
14:45Go off on your...
14:46That's so stupid.
14:47Go on.
14:48That is so stupid.
14:49But that's what she...
14:50It is.
14:50It is stupid.
14:51Why isn't it stupid?
14:53Go ahead.
14:53Why isn't it stupid?
14:54I think it's stupid.
14:55Why do you think I get mad?
14:56Because I don't want you to have fun.
14:58I don't want you to have sex.
14:59Any of those things?
15:00No, it's to prevent you from all the shit that you go through.
15:06I've cried it for the last freaking three years.
15:09But you're not in my shoes.
15:11I know, but I've been in your shoes with your biological dad.
15:15When did you get divorced?
15:16When did you have two miscarriages?
15:18When did you have another baby daddy that went after your friend?
15:21Did you experience all of that?
15:23I think sometimes Taylor doesn't realize everything that I went through with her biological dad.
15:28You have not been in my shoes.
15:31I've gotten pregnant from a guy that was in an attic.
15:33Okay.
15:34Like Dakota.
15:35Worse.
15:36Probably even worse.
15:37Okay.
15:38Okay?
15:38Because he...
15:39Yeah.
15:40Okay.
15:41But I think that going back to church and having that foundation, it helped me get back on track.
15:48I feel like Taylor would be more grounded if she was going to church and doing the things that she
15:55has been taught.
15:56You'll sleep with him and then you'll be like, oh, he's a disgusting, disgusting person.
16:01So why do you sleep with him?
16:02It's called a cycle.
16:03Why do you keep doing it?
16:04You're addicted.
16:05It's a cycle.
16:05Then why don't you get help to not be addicted to that?
16:09The brain is not...
16:10I need to rewire it.
16:11It's not okay in that.
16:11I think that anyone in this world can fucking say Taylor's brain is not okay.
16:14No fucking shit.
16:15Well, it needs to start getting okay because you're going on a freaking bachelorette pretty soon.
16:20You think the guys that are going on this show are going to want somebody that's like that?
16:24They might be like that.
16:25I hope not.
16:26I know that I fucked up again.
16:28Right now, I think I just want her as a mom and to have some grace.
16:31Like, it's already done, so you can either help me through this or just, like, judge me again and see
16:36how far that gets us.
16:37So you're going on the bachelorette.
16:38How do you want to portray yourself?
16:40Like, this wild pineapple girl on there?
16:43I'm a pineapple girl.
16:44What does that mean?
16:44You know what I mean?
16:45What?
16:45Or something like...
16:46Say it then, swinger?
16:47You make your own life.
16:48That's why I'm changing it.
16:49Well, you better start changing that then.
16:52It's like...
16:53You're being contradicting.
16:55No, today I was actually just being straight up.
16:57No, you were being a complete bitch.
16:59Oh.
17:01See?
17:01Oh, there's another one.
17:02There it is.
17:03Dude, look at you as a mother.
17:04You have no respect.
17:05You just call me a bitch.
17:06I don't give a fuck.
17:07I'm not the fucking parent.
17:09Stop talking like that.
17:10I am not the motherfucking parent.
17:12You just call me a bitch.
17:12Don't tell me about respect.
17:14Calling you a bitch is nothing compared to the way you treat me.
17:18Nothing.
17:20I think we all have some things we need to work on.
17:23Yeah, but Taylor doesn't have to work on anything because she's fucking perfect.
17:27I do think she has worked on a whole bunch, so I don't want to discredit that.
17:32Okay.
17:33In the Mormon culture, it's hard to accept the children's mistakes because we're known as, like, this picture-perfect family.
17:39My child messed up, so now that's an image based on me as a parent.
17:42But for my mom and I, it's very, like, mirroring.
17:44Like, I'm seeing something in myself that I don't want to talk about or acknowledge.
17:48It's a reoccurring pattern for both of us.
17:50And nothing changes.
17:51Nothing changes.
18:01Break it down.
18:02Break it, break it down now.
18:03Break it down.
18:04Break it, break it down now.
18:05Bada, bada, bada, boom.
18:06Hi, again.
18:08How are you?
18:08Good, how are you?
18:09Good.
18:10Since I've had Lottie, my skin has kind of flipped 180 and kind of went through a flare again.
18:16And I was recommended to one of the leading stem cell doctors.
18:19So I'm staying longer in L.A. to get this stem cell treatment done.
18:24Hello.
18:25Oh, hello.
18:26How are you?
18:27Oh, good.
18:28How are you?
18:29So good.
18:30I invited Winnie to come with me to do my stem cell treatment.
18:33It definitely means a lot to me, especially because when I am doing any treatments for my health, I feel
18:40like it's very vulnerable.
18:41Whitney and Jace are in a very similar place, having to deal with what happened to me and Connor and
18:46the implications that it's brought into our marriage.
18:48So I feel like we have that shared experience.
18:54Hi.
18:54Am I in your seat?
18:56Yeah.
18:56Okay.
18:58Do you want me to do it for you?
18:59I don't know.
19:00She's still earning back my trust, so I don't know about that quite yet.
19:05I don't know if I would trust her to inject that in me.
19:07I had this brand deal in Utah.
19:09I was so worried that I wasn't going to make it to Michaela's appointment, but I was able to catch
19:13an early flight because I really wanted her to know how important it was for me to be here.
19:18What do you want me to do?
19:19Do you want to watch something funny?
19:20Do you want me to tell you something funny?
19:22No, it's fine.
19:23Okay.
19:23I'm good with the needles now.
19:25Okay.
19:26This isn't your first rodeo.
19:28Yeah.
19:28I'm trying to do it all right now.
19:31I'm trying to get this movie going, Dancing with the Stars rehearsals, brand deals, and all of these relationships that
19:38I've worked so hard rebuilding.
19:39I feel like I'm being spread very thin.
19:43How are you and Jace?
19:45Good.
19:45I love that man.
19:46They're still like, I know, he's so great.
19:49He's so great.
19:50It's like, it's still the therapy stuff.
19:53I'm like, ugh, there's just so much going on.
19:56So Jace and I haven't made really any progress as far as our intimacy and our sex life goes.
20:02He wants me to work through my trauma, so we're able to fix that.
20:05When you attempted sexual intercourse, how often was it satisfactory for you?
20:13It hurts really bad.
20:15I'm just going to say never.
20:16All the health stuff that's happening to me right now is kind of out of my control.
20:20I feel like I have to give that top priority because it's hard to focus on anything else and be
20:25motivated to fix anything else while I'm in this state.
20:29So you started going to therapy again with Jace?
20:32I did like one or two.
20:34Okay.
20:34Yeah.
20:35And I told them basically, I'm like, I just can't work on a really-
20:38Talk for a second.
20:39Sorry.
20:39Shut up.
20:41I didn't say that.
20:43I'm like, it's okay.
20:46We've said words to each other.
20:46Yeah, we have.
20:47It's nice to have Whitney here and just to have support.
20:51I think it's hard being around Jace right now.
20:54Internally, I'm feeling a lot of pressure just because I know that these are issues that
20:57are like weighing on me and weighing on Jace in our marriage.
21:00And it's like, I know I have to fix him at some point.
21:03And if I don't fix him, then our marriage could be over.
21:07Oh, so Mickey.
21:09It's the worst.
21:11I'm so sorry.
21:13This is what you want and you can just run, oh run, unlock that door and just run, don't
21:27look back no more.
21:30This is what you want.
21:32Taylor.
21:33Hello.
21:34Where are you?
21:35My room, just straight chilling.
21:37Hi.
21:38You have like that huge toy room she can play in.
21:41Do you want to go play with toys?
21:43Oh, okay.
21:44We'll go play with some toys.
21:45Macy was really upset when I told her I was going to do Unwell instead of her book event.
21:49Even though Unwell is a cool opportunity and I was really excited about it, at the end of
21:53the day, events like this will come and go, but my friendship with Macy means so much to
21:57me and I would never want to let her down.
21:58Okay, wait, what's going on with the book show here?
22:00Do I need to know anything?
22:01I actually got a lot of messages after you posted it.
22:03People like, I bought my ticket to fly out.
22:05Okay, good.
22:06So people from out of state, which I think it's because this format, I originally was
22:09not a meet and greet.
22:10Oh, I think they're changing the format.
22:13It'll be a smaller venue now than it was before so that they can meet me as well.
22:16And now the tickets are selling because of that.
22:18Good.
22:19Yeah.
22:20My book tour event is tomorrow.
22:22I was really stressed about ticket sales and it all came together.
22:25Jessie is hosting.
22:27Whitney and Jen are also flying in for it.
22:29So I'm really excited to have MomTalk support.
22:32You were going to tell me something.
22:34What was it?
22:34Oh, yeah.
22:35What was that?
22:36I mean, it's nothing goodness.
22:37It's just, I told my mom like about sleeping with?
22:41Wait, about?
22:42Oh, just Dakota.
22:43And it was a shit show.
22:44She was asking, she's like, you didn't like sleep with Dakota?
22:46And I was like, no.
22:48And I was like, you know, and then I just like her judge.
22:50I saw her face.
22:51I was like, you know what?
22:51Actually, I did.
22:52I slept with them.
22:53And I was like, I just like told her I don't need to hear it.
22:56Like, I know I regretted it instantly.
22:57I was like, it's a setback.
22:58She doesn't like she's like, I just don't get it.
23:00And I'm like, it's OK.
23:01No one gets it.
23:02I don't get it.
23:02So I get it.
23:03It's the approach with that.
23:04I was like, as a mother, I just want her to know that I'm scared to tell you like kids
23:09rebel more when you can't tell your parents things.
23:12Yeah.
23:12And we're way past that because we're older now.
23:14But I'm like, I just want to change that for my daughter.
23:16And then she's like, oh, so like you think like you're I'm a horrible mom and you're
23:19best mom.
23:20And I'm like, that's ego talking.
23:21She took it to another level.
23:23I get her hurt and frustration.
23:25I get that.
23:25But it's like, well, no wonder I am scared to tell you like the approach.
23:29Just try to approach it differently.
23:31I feel like that's probably pretty similar for like all of our parents.
23:34Like, I don't know about you, but like I think I had a similar situation.
23:37Like I got pregnant.
23:37Right.
23:38Like my parents thought I was a virgin because I didn't feel comfortable confiding in them
23:41because I was like, well, I don't know how they're going to react.
23:44And like, I think, you know, like just the culture of the church and stuff.
23:47I was like, they're going to freak out.
23:49And so I didn't tell them like that I was being abused or anything.
23:51So I just didn't know what was going to happen, you know?
23:53And I think my parents, I'm really close to them.
23:55They did an amazing job raising me.
23:56So it's not even to discredit them.
23:57I think it's just the way they're raised.
23:59And it's like, so it's like it's kind of just like changing it over time.
24:02I've never really thought about it from Macy's perspective of generational trauma,
24:06especially regarding church and how we were raised in a culture.
24:10I maybe need to look more into that.
24:13That way I can maybe be the one to like stop it and break the cycle.
24:17I think you're so used to chaos that it is your comfort zone now.
24:19Someone was saying like, I like do these mistakes and I must enjoy it.
24:23I must enjoy the pain of it.
24:25I think you do a little.
24:26That's what I'm saying.
24:26Like we need to fix that.
24:27It's almost as if I don't want it to fix because it's like makes me feel like, wow.
24:31This shows me that there is a problem and she's aware of it.
24:34This is a great first step.
24:35Unfortunately, time will tell.
24:37I need to.
24:38You're good.
24:39I know.
24:39I'm sorry.
24:40The boobies are hurting.
24:41I could talk about this all day.
24:42Well, thanks for letting us come over.
24:44I hope that helped you a little bit and didn't overwhelm you more.
24:54You're the biggest boy in the world.
24:56And now we cinch it.
24:58So get in, Billy.
24:59You guys ready for a pumpkin patch?
25:01Oh, baby chicken.
25:03Oh my gosh.
25:03There's goats in here too.
25:05Try to not step in the poo though.
25:07Billy's like, what the?
25:08Oh, he's got your hair.
25:11Connor and I had planned this day to take the kids to the pumpkin patch and I'm feeling overwhelmed.
25:15I was able to catch an early flight and show up for Michaela's appointments.
25:19The last few days rehearsals have been very stressful.
25:22So it's like I'm playing a game of tug of war right now.
25:24So I'm feeling that mom guilt.
25:27I feel like we haven't been able to do stuff like this in a while.
25:30It's fun to get the kids out and do something like for the family.
25:33I know.
25:34It is.
25:35How are you doing?
25:36I'm not being so old.
25:38Oh, babe.
25:48You know, I haven't done anything for Billy.
25:51I've done nothing.
25:54I'm feeling like the worst mom.
25:56I'm trying to do it all right now and I feel defeated.
26:01I just don't feel like I've been as present and have been showing up for my kids like how I
26:04would like to.
26:05You don't need to worry about that.
26:07I have that covered.
26:09I promise.
26:12But I feel like that's just one small thing to a much bigger picture.
26:16What's going on?
26:17I'm just overwhelmed.
26:21And I just feel like a bad mom.
26:29I don't even feel like I have the energy to go hop on a plane in and out to go
26:35to Macy's book tour.
26:36You are doing so much.
26:38And with everything on your plate, I imagine it's very scary.
26:43I don't want to do it all.
26:44The truth is, though, you have a lot on your plate and it's stressing you out.
26:49And I don't want you to hit a breaking point.
26:51Like, of course, like, it's Macy's event.
26:55So then I just I feel this other pressure where I'm like, no, like, I have to make it work.
26:59I have to be there.
27:00It's OK for you to say this is too much for me.
27:03I can't fly to Utah, be there for an hour to two hours and then immediately fly back to L
27:09.A.
27:10I think a good friend would understand.
27:12Well, she didn't understand the first time.
27:14So and you know what?
27:15I hope things have changed.
27:17I am feeling a little bit triggered because of what happened with baby mama when I didn't show up to
27:22that event.
27:22Whitney, do you still not regret not going to Macy's baby mama launch?
27:27Yes or no?
27:28No.
27:28I'm saying no, because I'm saying if I didn't make the mistake, I wouldn't have known how to make it
27:32right.
27:33I just feel like I would say I regret it, but wish I handled it differently.
27:37I get that.
27:38I understand you have this pressure to feel perfect.
27:40And I think that's one reason why you're choosing everything except for yourself.
27:53I don't want to go back to that feeling I was in dark space.
28:00I count my blessings every day that I was troubled.
28:04After speaking with Macy, I don't want things to be this bad with my mom.
28:08So I'm trying to heal myself on two fronts right now.
28:11First, I hired a genealogist to, you know, maybe get more answers about my biological dad.
28:17And this is one of you reached out to me regarding your search for your biological father.
28:22Honestly, I don't know too much, but what I have is his name.
28:28He is deceased now.
28:30So with my biological dad, there's been really no relationship at all.
28:35I met him one time when I was four.
28:37I think because he was never in the picture, there's been a lot of issues with relationships
28:42and like trouble with men.
28:43And so I do think it's important to work on that wound.
28:53And then my mom and I decided to finally see a specialist.
28:56What I hope to get from it is maybe just a better understanding of each other.
29:01That way we can compromise and maybe get along better.
29:03Great.
29:04I'll put you and your mom there.
29:06Come in.
29:08Hi.
29:10Welcome in, mom.
29:12Oh, gosh.
29:14So exciting.
29:15It's long overdue, isn't it?
29:16Yes, it is.
29:18I'm Hillary and I specialize in the mother-daughter relationship.
29:21Did you have expectations or hopes about it?
29:24I do have a question for you.
29:25How does a parent parent their adult kid
29:33and they end up doing the same thing over and over and over,
29:37but then be like, poor me, I need to go to the hospital
29:40or I need to do this or I need to do that
29:42or I'm feeling miserable or I'm crying or...
29:45And that sympathy has dwindled.
29:49Do I say that to you or are you making it up?
29:51Can you let me explain it to her first
29:54and then you can talk to me about it?
29:57Let me do my part and then you can...
29:58Well, I'm wondering where that's coming from.
30:00So everything I've ever told her has happened.
30:03Like exactly how I said it was going to happen,
30:06this is what's going to happen.
30:07It has happened.
30:08But here's what I've learned is that daughters need to feel heard first.
30:11You worry about them and you carry that with you.
30:14And I think that sometimes you express your worry
30:16and it comes across, tell me if I'm wrong, Taylor,
30:21as you feel like you're not trusted to make your own decisions
30:24and make solid decisions about your life.
30:28Yeah, I just feel like there's like a sense of control there.
30:31And like, I don't want to be controlled.
30:33I do feel like the more I'm controlled,
30:34the more I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to prove.
30:37You're not going to control me.
30:38I'm curious if you've thought about,
30:40what would it look like if your mom did support you?
30:43I think we'd probably just be a lot closer.
30:44I'd be a lot more open
30:45and know that I could go talk to someone
30:47and they would just be like, I'm so sorry.
30:49Like, I hear you.
30:50That's got to be horrible that you're going through that.
30:52Like, what can we do?
30:54I couldn't think of anybody at the time
30:55that I could do that with.
30:56So I just suffered a little through all of it.
30:59And I knew I had a support system I always have.
31:02But at the end of the day, I knew the reaction.
31:03So I didn't tell anybody.
31:05And I'm not blaming, like,
31:06obviously my relationship all along freaking Dakota,
31:09but it's like, it's miserable.
31:15And at the end of the day,
31:16I just want someone to choose me.
31:20And I know it's like, it looks dumb
31:22and you feel bad, like you're dumb,
31:24but it's like, you just also,
31:27I think you haven't, you've had your situations,
31:29but you've never had this exact one.
31:31So I don't expect anyone to freaking get it.
31:33Thank you for sharing.
31:34Sorry.
31:35Sorry.
31:35No, don't apologize.
31:37It needed to come out.
31:38I don't know how to express
31:45like that empathy.
31:47I am hard on Taylor because I love her
31:50and I can see some of the traits
31:53that I had when I was young.
31:55I struggle with that.
31:56And I don't want her to go through
31:59everything that I went through.
32:01And I just want her to be happy.
32:03I loved my first boyfriend,
32:06her biological father.
32:07He asked me to marry him.
32:08I could have married him.
32:10But he just had like an addiction,
32:12like, and I always put her life.
32:14Like, I always thought, you know,
32:15like he's not,
32:16he's not the person for us
32:19because I don't see us happy.
32:22You don't have to have the answers.
32:24You don't have to fix it.
32:26You just need to be there for her.
32:29I love my kids more than anything in this world.
32:33I would give up everything for them.
32:35Like, I have lived my life for them.
32:39Hearing my mom say the sacrifices she made for me
32:42gives me a little bit more perspective
32:44on the way she reacts to certain situations.
32:46And I think understanding what happened
32:47in her past with my dad
32:49is even more important
32:50to help me understand as a whole.
32:52You're a great mom.
32:53I can see how much you care.
33:09Today is the Salt Lake City Book Tour event.
33:11It just feels like a dream that's coming true.
33:14I just feel so incredibly grateful
33:15that I had this opportunity to share my story.
33:18And MomTalk plans a little brunch
33:19to get together before the event begins.
33:21And I'm really excited to kind of hang out
33:23with the girls before the tour starts.
33:24And it means so much that they're supporting me.
33:27Are you the only one here?
33:29You freaking biatches.
33:30Can anyone show up on time ever?
33:32Hi.
33:33Are you literally the only one?
33:35Yes.
33:35I've been here.
33:36Wait, where's our?
33:39Hey.
33:40Hello.
33:40Wait, that's our mom.
33:41Oh, you look freaking hot.
33:46Hi, baby.
33:47How do I even get around here?
33:48I'm like, how do I...
33:49I'm just getting over.
33:50You guys, I have an announcement.
33:51This is the official mom talk.
33:53Everyone else is out.
33:53Yeah.
33:54Actually, yeah.
33:55Can we just vote people out?
33:56Tell her about freaking Whitney.
33:57Hey, wait.
33:58Yeah.
33:58Oh, yeah.
33:58Whitney's not coming.
34:00Yeah.
34:00Whitney called me last night.
34:01She was like crying to me.
34:02She said, I just am so exhausted.
34:04I'm so good.
34:05But two things can be true.
34:05She can be exhausted and over well,
34:07but also still be a good friend.
34:08Also, production paid for her flight.
34:10They had someone at the airport waiting to pick her up.
34:12She just never told them she wasn't coming.
34:13So she just ghosted her job.
34:15I'm so grateful that Whitney has been showing up for me recently,
34:19but I don't think it shocks people when Whitney's like,
34:21I'm not going to show up to things just because she does have that pattern.
34:24It doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt.
34:26Like, I know it still hurts Macy that she's not showing up for these things.
34:29And then Jen's not coming either.
34:31And then Jen's sick.
34:32Yeah.
34:33Part of me is like, not to be rude, but like, is Jen sick?
34:35Or does she know I hate sicknesses?
34:37So she's like...
34:37Shocker.
34:38No, she knows.
34:39She knows that she hates sicknesses.
34:40Part of me is like, is Jen really sick?
34:42I'm not going to say she's faking it, but like...
34:44I feel like we've all been being very, very, very supportive of the girls on Days of Charge.
34:49Yes.
34:49Granted.
34:49Yes.
34:50But I post for them every Tuesday.
34:52Like, I over the top, like, supporting them.
34:54And the fact that they can't even show up for you right now is really fucked up, honestly.
34:58I think it's really important that all of us girls support Macy.
35:01This is literally her dream come true, writing her memoir on her life.
35:04I just feel like this is like something that's really, really major for Macy
35:07that is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
35:09And I feel like missing this is just, it's not okay.
35:13We can't speak on, like, how exhausting the experience must be.
35:16Like, we don't know.
35:17But, like, this isn't just, like, some normal event.
35:19Like...
35:19Yeah.
35:20And they literally say we're going.
35:22Yeah, I know.
35:22So that's the part that's, like, weird.
35:23And that's what made me feel so bad.
35:25It was like they did that on purpose after you all talked about me not going.
35:28And made a point of saying...
35:29I see why you're frustrated, yeah.
35:31I said, like, I got ridiculed for, like, almost not coming because of unwell.
35:35And I chose to stay because this is more important.
35:37And once you told me how you felt, I was like, nothing matters, you know?
35:40I think Whitney pointing out that I wasn't going to be coming to Macy's book event to host
35:44and being critical about it was so that she could jump in and save the day.
35:48How do you actually feel about Jessie not going?
35:51I'm not upset.
35:52I'm just more like, oh, that sucks.
35:54But can I tell you something?
35:55You already committed to that.
35:57That's the problem I have.
35:59Yeah.
35:59Do you need a host?
36:00Yeah, I mean, I'm still, like, I...
36:03I'll volunteer as true.
36:04Would you want to?
36:05Absolutely.
36:06So it's just kind of funny that roles ended up being reversed.
36:09And I'm here to support Macy and she's not.
36:15Hi.
36:15How are you?
36:17You're welcome.
36:17Congrats.
36:19How are you?
36:20Good.
36:21Yeah?
36:21Everyone's just talking because Whitney...
36:23You'll find out.
36:23Whitney and Jen are coming.
36:25I'm pissed about it.
36:25I don't really know how that's acceptable at all.
36:28That's what we're saying.
36:29I'm pissed.
36:29She's like, I just don't like having to ask for support either, you know?
36:32That's not my personality.
36:33A real friend would show up for their friend.
36:35No, I agree.
36:37I have to go, though.
36:38I have to go run over there because I have to go.
36:39Wait, go where?
36:40I have to sign books before it starts.
36:42Oh, okay.
36:42I have to go sign books.
36:43So I'll see you guys over there, okay?
36:44I will see you there.
36:45I'm just, like, bugged.
36:46I'm bugged.
36:47I am, too.
36:48I do think two things can be true.
36:49I think that Whitney's here for the opportunities, but I think she did miss those real friendships,
36:53too.
36:53Like, obviously, she came back and said, I'm here for Dancing with the Stars.
36:56So I'm like, it's not shocking.
36:58I feel like Whitney, it's not a great look that she came back to Home Talk for Dancing
37:02with the Stars.
37:03However, people just kept making sure that I knew that I only came back for clout, which
37:09is wrong.
37:09It was for money.
37:10So they use this as a fucking stuffing stone, and then they talk in peace.
37:13Exactly.
37:13That's what I'm saying.
37:14It's not okay.
37:17Let's get that straight.
37:18We wouldn't have all of these awesome experiences, like Dancing with the Stars, and Bubba Wallace
37:23keeps going if it wasn't for this friend group, and I feel like you can't just be like, fuck
37:26you.
37:26I'm on Dancing with the Stars.
37:27I don't care about you.
37:28Yeah.
37:29Dancing with the Stars has taken her to Hollywood.
37:31So happy for her, but she's clearly over this, and that means that she's also over the
37:35friendship.
37:45She's clearly over this, and that means that she's also over the friendship.
37:49Like, it sucks, though, because I feel like I started to build, like, a friendship for
37:51her again, and then she just does things like this, and I'm like, I start second-guessing
37:54again.
37:55I'm like, do you even care?
37:56Yeah.
37:57Right.
37:57As an ambitious career woman myself, I totally understand why Whitney's taking all the opportunities
38:02and wanting to advance her career.
38:04I think it just hurts that she doesn't care about the actual friendships, but she got
38:08what she wanted, so I wouldn't be surprised if she never came back to MomTalk.
38:12I think we should check on Jen.
38:14On Jen?
38:15Should we call her if she answers?
38:17Hi!
38:18Hey.
38:18How are you feeling?
38:20I'm all the things, bro.
38:22I woke up, like, with a fever last night, and I don't know what's going on.
38:26I think I caught something.
38:27I'm sad I can't be there.
38:28It makes me a big squeeze for me.
38:31I will.
38:32Okay, well, let's let her rest.
38:33Okay, I love you.
38:35Can we talk about the fact, though, that everyone's pissed at Jen right there?
38:38Now everyone's like, we're like, oh, Jen's really sick.
38:41I'll give her that.
38:42I'm shocked she picked that up.
38:43Yeah, me too.
38:44She's like, hurry, Zach, get the fake IV.
38:46I'm sorry.
38:54I'm sorry.
38:58Macy, you're doing amazing.
39:00I'm going to go let everyone in.
39:01Should I do something funny or crunchy?
39:03No, I want you to get a video that I'm, like, I'm taking a video.
39:06Say, I'm taking a video for Macy.
39:07I want you to go in the line and have a scream and cheer.
39:10You guys ready?
39:12Ready?
39:19How proud do you feel with Macy?
39:23I'm so proud of Macy that she accomplished this huge task of telling her story and getting
39:29it out there in this book.
39:31Just knowing the struggles that she's been through, I just can't be more proud of her.
39:35I'm beyond excited for her and just so happy that she's able to be here in this moment because
39:40it's been a long road.
39:43Do they have energy drinks here, you think?
39:44Oh, I'm sure.
39:45Somewhere.
39:46This is so cool.
39:47Oh, my gosh.
39:48This is, like, legit, like a huge auditorium.
39:50Oh, yeah.
39:51I don't know.
39:52Do you know that?
39:52No.
39:53When do I ever know anything?
39:54I just show up.
39:55Hey, Macy, will you come over by the mirror?
39:56We'll take a picture.
39:57Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:58All right, guys.
39:59You ready?
40:03Taylor.
40:04Thank you so much.
40:05Love you guys.
40:05Hi, everyone.
40:07Oh.
40:08You think you'd be here last year?
40:10Yeah, it's crazy.
40:11Love you.
40:12Yeah.
40:13And now I'm telling my story to a bunch of people, and it's absolutely so crazy.
40:18And then also to see all my girls in the front row supporting me, it just means the absolute
40:23world to me.
40:23It sounds cheesy, but that's what MomTalk is all about, is to cheer each other on.
40:27It's real.
40:28It's raw.
40:28It's vulnerable.
40:29It's funny.
40:29It's everything you want in a book, and I'm so proud of her.
40:32So if you'll help me, welcome to the stage the one and only Macy Neely.
40:46You can always create your own future.
40:48Your mistakes do not define you, and you can do whatever you want to do.
40:51Like, there are no limits.
40:53You mentioned that you wanted to name your book one day.
40:56Yeah.
40:57How do you know that you're in that one day, and what is your next one day?
41:01Oh, that's a good question.
41:02I think for me, it was like once I met my husband, and that was kind of like felt like
41:07my happily ever after.
41:08Obviously, the story is still just beginning with that, but I think once I met him, I was
41:12like, this is it.
41:13Like, this is my one day, you know?
41:15Stop it.
41:20When I was 20 years old, living at my parents' house, single and alone and pregnant, I never
41:25would have thought I was going to start my journey of writing a book.
41:29So I feel like it's a very full circle, pinch me moment.
41:31Honestly, it just doesn't feel real that it's all happening now.
41:34And then obviously, even the book, like, this is so full circle for me, right?
41:37So I think, like, this is it too.
41:39Like, I think we're always going to have those moments where, like, this is like what I've
41:41been waiting for, and it's here.
41:43And as far as what's next, I think we'll just have to wait and see, because I don't
41:46even know.
41:46I'm just trying to soak in this moment and enjoy it, because this has been a dream of
41:50mine for 10 years, and I'm excited that it's here.
42:10Hi.
42:11Nice to meet you.
42:12Nice to meet you.
42:13I'm Taylor.
42:14I'm Luana.
42:15Nice to meet you.
42:15I know we spoke on the phone, but it's good to put a face to a voice.
42:20Today, I'm meeting with a genealogist, and I feel very nervous.
42:25That's the word I can, you know, excitement for sure.
42:28It's like, ooh, what's out there?
42:30But also, it could be a little unsettling, because it's like something you've always wondered
42:33or had questions about.
42:34So it could be a lot to process if there is information there.
42:37Are you ready to get started?
42:39Yeah, I am.
42:39All right.
42:40All right.
42:41All right.
42:41All right.
42:41So I took the information you gave me, and I created a family tree.
42:46We found your father right here.
42:50Okay.
42:51Brian Scott Wilkinson, and there's your mother.
42:55And then I found his brother, and we were able to contact two of the people on this tree
43:02that are on this side, the one side you're looking for, your birth father's side.
43:07We're going to go ahead and look at your family tree just a little bit here.
43:12Let's see if I can pull that out.
43:14Oh, my gosh.
43:17So I have two others.
43:19You have two half-siblings.
43:22That's crazy.
43:24Holy shit.
43:24I have two other siblings out there.
43:26I have four siblings.
43:28Wild.
43:28I have a lot of questions about my biological dad.
43:31Like, did he ever ask about me?
43:32Did he ever talk about me?
43:33Did he ever mention he had a child or multiple children, for that matter?
43:36What happened after the fact?
43:38Like, where was he involved in those children's lives?
43:40If he was, his parents, like, what does his mom think about all of it?
43:43Did she ever want a relationship?
43:44Why didn't you try the sister, the brother?
43:45There's so many questions I have.
43:48That is wild.
43:55Welcome to the first annual Mom Talk, First Dad Talk Pickleball Championship.
44:03Dakota and her did DM.
44:05No one knows, though.
44:06This is why I can't trust people.
44:09This is too much.
44:10It'd be so easy if I were single.
44:12You want a divorce?
44:13I have news.
44:14Oh, man.
44:14I'd like to go out there and maybe get some answers.
44:16It could bring lots of emotions up.
44:19I think there's just this really bad timing.
44:21Let the first of them not yell.
44:23Stop talking and listen.
44:24Sometimes I wish I could have gave you up for adoption and maybe you would have had a better
44:27life.
44:44I think there's just this really bad timing.
44:53I don't know.
44:55I don't know.
44:56I don't know.
44:57I don't know.
44:58I don't know.
44:58I don't know.
44:58I don't know.
44:59I don't know.
44:59I don't know.
45:01I don't know.
45:02I don't know.
45:03I don't know.
45:04I don't know.
45:05I don't know.
45:06I don't know.
45:06I don't know.
45:07I don't know.
45:07I don't know.
45:09You
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