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00:11Let's get started.
00:43I'm Richard Maidley.
00:46You're fucking kidding me.
00:49Some of you may recognise me.
00:51I was named the TV Times TV Interview of the Year, 2013.
00:57It's not true. He's made that up.
01:00I was just kind of passing through the area and Jimmy said if I was,
01:03I was to come in and practice my interviewing techniques on you.
01:07You OK with that? Yeah. Great. Love it.
01:10That was unexpected.
01:12He's like the most unintentionally funny human being in the world,
01:16probably, I think.
01:17OK, we'll get started then.
01:19Um, who should we get first?
01:21David.
01:23Up you come.
01:25Have a seat. Sit down.
01:26Thank you very much.
01:28OK, David, we'll get straight to it.
01:29First question. Do you like crisps?
01:32They're all right, yes.
01:34Ready, salted only.
01:35Yeah. Any particular flavour?
01:36I said ready, salted only.
01:38OK. Obviously, it's a competitive market.
01:40OK. So, could you suggest a new flavour of crisps?
01:44Sam Campbell will have no idea who he is.
01:47Who's this guy?
01:49Is this a...
01:50And why has he got so much lemon juice in his hair?
01:52This is going to be Richard Madeley.
01:55OK, I mean, I have to...
01:56He's married to Judy Finnegan.
01:58Yeah, but I'm looking for a new minute.
01:59You have to listen to the...
02:00Ned used to do a show called Richard and Judy.
02:03Do you want to hear my idea for a new flavour?
02:05Yes, please.
02:06Tuna fish casserole.
02:08Oh.
02:08Yeah.
02:09Complex flavours.
02:10David, it's been wonderful talking to you.
02:11You may return to your seats.
02:12Thank you very much.
02:13Thank you very much indeed.
02:14Wow.
02:16Sam Campbell.
02:17Would you please step up to the podium.
02:19Go on, Sam.
02:20Go on, Sam.
02:22Ah, Sam, you're Australian, right?
02:23Yeah.
02:24OK, do you even know who I am?
02:29Let's cut to the chase, Sam.
02:30What was the last thing you asked ChatGPT?
02:33I didn't really use it.
02:34Good for you.
02:34OK.
02:35It's talking to a soulless robot, isn't it?
02:37I don't feel like that at all.
02:38You're a great guy.
02:44Alan?
02:44Alan?
02:45By the way, you make me wish I had six nostrils.
02:47Your scent is lighting it up, dude.
02:49Sam, you've been great.
02:50You can return from when she came.
02:52Oh, thanks so much.
02:52It's an honour to meet you.
02:53Seriously, yeah.
02:54Great to talk to you.
02:55That was wonderful.
02:56Yeah.
02:56Off you go.
02:57That means you could...
02:58No, I really appreciate it.
02:59I enjoyed being interviewed by Richard Maidley.
03:02He's not someone that I sort of know.
03:03I've definitely seen a poster of him or a picture, or maybe even on a bookmark, honestly.
03:09Like, he has...
03:10I have seen a picture of him.
03:13Bemi, would you come up, please, and have a chat?
03:15Go on, Bemi.
03:19I'm such a fan.
03:20Good to see you.
03:21I'll have to sit with that hand, I'm afraid.
03:22Yeah.
03:22Yeah.
03:23Bit of a repetitive strain and injury in that one.
03:25Whatever you do in your bedroom, it's your business.
03:27Yes, well, quite.
03:29You've won two BAFTAs, haven't you?
03:31Two, yes.
03:31Two BAFTAs.
03:32That's amazing.
03:32Congratulations.
03:35You want to have a guess how many BAFTAs I've won?
03:38Yeah, that's right.
03:40Absolutely zero.
03:42Zero BAFTAs for the Maidly.
03:44The Maidly?
03:45He just called himself the Maidly.
03:47What's he doing?
03:48Having not won one.
03:50Yeah.
03:50Or even held one.
03:51Yeah.
03:52If you had to compare the weight of your BAFTA to something,
03:55what would it be like?
03:56Maybe a small owl?
04:02Maybe.
04:03Oh, OK.
04:04Yeah.
04:04Your eyes are amazing.
04:06I've been getting lost in them.
04:08Jimmy, he's not not fit.
04:12Romesh, would you please step up?
04:16Nice to see you.
04:17Hi, nice to see you.
04:18We last met on Red Nose there, I think.
04:19We did, yeah, it was good.
04:20You've got three children, haven't you?
04:22Yeah.
04:23Any tips for conceiving?
04:25Let your wife spend a lot of time with her personal trainer.
04:32Reason I ask is that when Judy and I were trying to conceive
04:35a few years ago, I used to douse my balls in icy water beforehand.
04:43Right.
04:44Apparently it ups the sperm count.
04:45Right.
04:46Yeah.
04:46Oh, it's agonising, but...
04:48So, hold on, are you dropping that into a cup,
04:50or what, how are you doing?
04:51Oh, you're up in a bucket.
04:52Put several, you know, tray loads of ice in.
04:55In.
04:56Count to 50.
04:57Yep.
04:58Out.
04:59Go.
05:00So, what, are you squatting over a...
05:02into a bucket of icy water?
05:03You're squatting...
05:03Well, you're...
05:04You're dropping.
05:06Does that not give Judy the ick a little bit?
05:08Uh, well, I did that in the bathroom,
05:10and then I...
05:10And then you come out.
05:11...came out.
05:12Yeah.
05:12Nicely chilled,
05:13with fast-swing sperm.
05:15So, I just thought I'd pass it on if you wanted to.
05:16No, thanks.
05:17I don't want any more children, actually.
05:18But thankfully, I can just let the marriage take its natural course.
05:21All right, Romish, well, thank you very much for your time,
05:23and good luck with your marital sex life.
05:24It's been very good.
05:25Thank you very much.
05:26Thank you for your time.
05:27I mean, Richard made the, you know, broadcasting legend.
05:29The thing that I didn't want was the image of him squatting
05:32to lower his testicles into a bucket of ice water,
05:35and his testicles are just dangling separately
05:37to the rest of his body,
05:38and then he just dips it, submerges,
05:40and then lifts, and then submerges.
05:42I'm thinking of it now.
05:44Alan Carr.
05:45Oh.
05:46Fellow master interviewer.
05:48Hello.
05:49Do you come up?
05:50Oh, wonderful.
05:50Great to see you again.
05:52Alan, I want to play a game of word association.
05:55Fantastic.
05:55With you, go.
05:56Chips.
05:57Onion.
05:59Beetroot.
06:00Hair.
06:02Weave.
06:03Banana.
06:04Loom.
06:05Onion.
06:06Taj Mahal.
06:07India.
06:10Milton Keynes.
06:12Banana again.
06:14Roller skate.
06:15Pork sausage.
06:18Knife.
06:19Innuendo.
06:21Cheeky.
06:21Thrust.
06:24Open.
06:25Went.
06:26Right.
06:27Yes.
06:27Up.
06:28Over.
06:28My.
06:29Your.
06:30Arse.
06:30Yes.
06:35I think they're going to kiss.
06:36David.
06:38Thank you very much.
06:42That is tough.
06:44That is really tough.
06:45Guys, it's been great seeing you all.
06:47I've only paid for 15 minutes barking, so I've got to go before I get a ticket.
06:51Thank you very much indeed.
06:52Take care.
06:52Richard Maidley.
06:54Legend.
06:55Maidley.
06:58The smell.
07:00He was doing some dangerous stuff.
07:02The smell on Maidley.
07:03I want to see if he's lingered.
07:08Guys, I've got his chair with the smell in.
07:12Wow, Mel.
07:14If anyone wants to smell.
07:15Let's see if I can smell.
07:17Not there.
07:20We're in the third hour.
07:21Still no red cards.
07:22Unprecedented.
07:24He did smell incredible.
07:25Yeah.
07:26Oh.
07:26I think.
07:27I think all over.
07:28Do you think?
07:29Really?
07:30You think in the morning he goes.
07:33Yeah.
07:34Oh, you think he's doing the.
07:35One, two, three, four.
07:36Nipple, nipple.
07:37Is that what we do?
07:38Front door.
07:39One, two, three, four.
07:41Nipple, nipple.
07:42Front door.
07:43Front door.
07:43Yeah.
07:44He's front dooring definitely.
07:45I just go.
07:48That's it really.
07:49He got squirty cream.
07:57If you could summon up, Sam.
08:00You had the power.
08:01Summon up 50 ducks.
08:0350?
08:04Ducks.
08:05Okay, yes.
08:06When would you.
08:07But you can only.
08:07When would you use it.
08:09You can only use it once.
08:11Oh, I really like that.
08:13Okay, so when would I summon up 50 ducks.
08:1650 ducks.
08:17Um, to propose to someone.
08:19As part of that.
08:20Nice.
08:20Yeah.
08:21So it's a will you marry me.
08:22Yeah.
08:23Well, is that unfair?
08:25To be like.
08:26Is she marrying me for me or me for me ducks?
08:29Me for my 50 ducks.
08:30Doesn't work she says no.
08:32Yeah.
08:32You've used your duck.
08:35Oh God, I wasted my ducks.
08:36I'm in.
08:38What about you Amy?
08:40Uh, Christmas shopping.
08:41Where it's all busy.
08:43I'd go 50 ducks.
08:45Bam.
08:45Oh.
08:46The aisle's clear.
08:47I mean, it's full of ducks.
08:49So maybe that don't work.
08:51When would you use the ducks, Bob?
08:54Maybe.
08:56At the dentist.
09:00Just before the needle.
09:0250 ducks.
09:04Don't you need this guy to concentrate?
09:08You're right.
09:09Yeah.
09:10But it would be a moment.
09:11That's like almost like you said, when's the worst time you should do it?
09:14And the, you're right.
09:15I think dentists.
09:16How do you do it?
09:16How do you summon them, by the way?
09:18Oh, yeah.
09:20Ducks.
09:22Oh, ducks.
09:25I don't know.
09:27Something like that.
09:30Wide to the side.
09:32Ducks.
09:33It's just, that's how you do it.
09:35It's the duck summoner.
09:36Amy Gledhill is the duck summoner.
09:39Coming this far.
09:40Sam Campbell as 50 ducks.
09:42As 50 ducks.
09:43I play the 50 ducks.
09:44Yeah.
09:45I'd love to see that.
09:47Yeah, I'll come in as all the ducks.
09:49Mm-hmm.
09:53I think the quack, Sam.
10:03Sam Campbell looks like he has spiritually locked his face.
10:06I think Sam Campbell has actually got the screensaver on his face.
10:11Hey, do you find it amusing when that company, a proprietary brand of famous chicken outlets.
10:19The one with the kernel.
10:20Exactly.
10:21They used to have all of their chicken in the UK delivered by one delivery firm.
10:26And then some idiot in the management of the company decided to put it out to tender.
10:32And some other firm said, no, we can undercut them for the delivery of the chicken.
10:37And they said, great, we'll go for that.
10:39And within two days of them changing firms, half the branches in the country had had to
10:45close due to lack of chicken.
10:47And it just makes me laugh so much at the thought about this other firm that have agreed
10:52this contract, they're taking this money.
10:54And then they just can't believe how many chickens they have to get to different places.
10:58That's what you get from trying to cut costs.
11:02And the first firm, they knew what they were doing.
11:04It's difficult.
11:04Imagine it, getting to thousands of chickens.
11:07Another thousand chickens, another 700 chickens in Nottingham.
11:12This is classic Mitchell.
11:14600 chickens in Loughborough.
11:16Only got 50 ducks over here.
11:18Fucking hell.
11:19300 chickens in Kent.
11:20Quick, now, more chickens.
11:22They're eating the chicken.
11:22Chicken.
11:23Get the chicken there now.
11:24Chicken, chicken, chicken.
11:25And this firm's thinking, what, another fucking chicken?
11:29He's going to have a heart attack one day, you know, surely.
11:33Not another chicken, another 700 chickens immediately.
11:40Doesn't bear thinking about, does it?
11:45I'm sorry to have put it in your mind.
11:55Do you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie?
11:58Definitely.
11:59Theme parks, roller coasters, fast cars.
12:01Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.
12:02Monster trucks?
12:03Not really monster trucks.
12:05You've seen them, though?
12:07Yeah.
12:07I like a float, you know, when you just stand on the back of a lorry.
12:10Oh, yeah.
12:16The fruit machine is once again available for inspiration.
12:20Please pull the lever.
12:27Worst pet peeve.
12:30Pet peeve?
12:31Is these, like, bad habits?
12:32Yeah, or things that just annoy you generally.
12:34My doctor's surgery has put a really annoying song on their caller waiting.
12:42What is it?
12:43I can't remember, but it's annoying.
12:44That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:46Yeah.
12:50That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:53Can you not do, like, an approximate sort of...
12:56Yeah, yeah.
12:56It's a bit like this.
12:58Yeah.
12:58I don't want to, you know...
13:00Well, my pet peeve is when people set up an anecdote and don't finish it.
13:07I don't like those people in the street asking you for money.
13:10I know you're not meant to say that, but, you know, when they lie,
13:12hello, cheeky chops, want to talk about leprosy?
13:15Al, do you live in 1932?
13:18Yes.
13:19Who are these people?
13:20Sorry.
13:20The people who want you to sign up for a charity.
13:22Chuggers.
13:23Oh, right, right.
13:24They're called chuggers, charity muggers, but I call them chunts.
13:30You're right.
13:31Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
13:32Ah.
13:40Do you like pickleball?
13:41Are you sporty?
13:44You clearly don't know who I am.
13:46You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
13:50I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
13:53That's a laugh.
13:54Yeah, you're right.
14:01I'm just about to insult you two.
14:04We're getting strict at this stage because they're all doing incredibly well,
14:07but that was definitely a laugh.
14:09Doors.
14:09If so.
14:10Good on you.
14:11Hi, everyone.
14:12Ah.
14:12We've, uh, we've had a laugh.
14:14Do you want to see?
14:15It's me.
14:16It's me.
14:17It's me.
14:18Are you sporty?
14:19You clearly don't know who I am.
14:21You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
14:26I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
14:28That's very funny.
14:29I'm just trying to find out what you're doing here.
14:34Oh, Ames.
14:35Oh, no.
14:37Alan, he's so cheeky.
14:40It's the twinkle in the eyes that gets you.
14:42We're getting strict now.
14:43You're all playing brilliantly, but we're getting quite strict.
14:45That yellow totally deserved, and I'm surprised I lasted that long.
14:48I'm going to go and restart the game.
14:49Okay.
14:50Doors.
14:52So, Alan tries to tip Sam over the edge, but Amy gets caught in the crossfire.
14:57It's a yellow for Gledhill.
14:59We've got five yellow cards.
15:01This is good.
15:03Let's restart the game.
15:05Oh, hello.
15:05Here we go.
15:06Right.
15:11Where do you stand on quad bikes?
15:19Do you remember MTV Cribs?
15:21I love that.
15:22Yeah, well, I did MTV Cribs with Derek Okora.
15:27And we were in Cribs, as in, like, a place under a church where they keep the dead bodies.
15:30So, it was a pun on MTV Cribs.
15:33Yeah.
15:33The thing is, he was struggling with the autocue, which was,
15:36Hi, I'm Derek Okora.
15:37Welcome to MTV Cribs.
15:38But then he would go,
15:41You're all right, darling.
15:42Don't worry.
15:43Don't worry.
15:44We're filming a show.
15:44It's all right.
15:45She's crying over there.
15:46She's a Victorian woman.
15:48He struggled with the,
15:49Hi, I'm Derek Okora bit, but he was having a conversation.
15:53Alan Carr was the one that I feared most.
15:56There's a vibe or something that just makes me want to laugh.
15:59Did you do the Cribs thing, Alan, because you believe in that sort of stuff?
16:02No, yeah, I'm interested in things like that.
16:04But, yeah, it was interesting.
16:06Did you find any of it genuine?
16:07No.
16:08Nothing at all?
16:09He's a charlatan, isn't he?
16:10Just a term.
16:11Well, you saw him when the spirit guy spoke to Tutankhamun and he had a Scouse accent.
16:15Hello, I'm Tutankhamun.
16:17I died all those years ago.
16:19You do the math.
16:20Does that sound like Tutankhamun to you?
16:23Does it?
16:25Great.
16:25I like Derek.
16:26I'm here when it's easy.
16:29I smell a rat, Bob.
16:33Poor Alan.
16:33I think lots of people were avoiding him, because they knew they'd laugh if they spoke to him.
16:50Bob's got the laptop.
16:51That means he's got some songs for some people.
16:53Oh, yes, please.
16:55I thought it was a sandwich.
16:56Oh, no.
16:57Oh, he's got his laptop.
16:59Oh, no.
17:01Bob, don't do it.
17:04Anyone want a song?
17:05No.
17:05No.
17:07I'll have a song.
17:08Will you have a song, darling?
17:09Yeah, I'd love a song.
17:11No.
17:15Oh, I already wish I hadn't said yes.
17:18I mean, I did ask for the songs.
17:21I don't know why I did that.
17:22I just felt like, because I'm a big fan, I just wanted the songs.
17:26Diane's on a yellow.
17:28Here we go.
17:29Don, would you like a song about dental nurses?
17:32I used to be a dental nurse.
17:34Hmm.
17:35I wasn't trained, I just learnt on the job.
17:38You could back then.
17:39They only got me because I fit the uniform.
17:49Dental nurses will never be the boss.
17:52They sterilise the needles and teach you how to floss.
17:57Dental nurses hand over the tools, top up the mouthwash and mix the fucking glues.
18:04Luncheon meat is lovely, but it's full of fucking fat.
18:08Kale is much more healthy, but it tastes of underpants.
18:12Tindock dog's a good value, but the nutrients are low.
18:16On Sunday, I will kill again, this time in Middlesbrough.
18:20Yes.
18:25That was great, that was lovely.
18:27Do you want another one?
18:28Yeah, go on, do another.
18:32Oh, God, this is...
18:34This is going to be worse, isn't it?
18:36You can tell.
18:40You ready?
18:42You're a nutjob, you're in bin bags.
18:46You've got a cobbler's head in a hole beneath your shed.
18:51I don't know how many times, Dan, I've caught you hiding onion rings
18:55under me horses, painting zips on me pigs.
19:00And I've seen you outside Costco when I wouldn't let you in,
19:04because how much you stank.
19:06You're a chin strap, you're a mouse hat.
19:09You once went to Leeds and drank a pint of beers.
19:13You're a bog roll, you're a wingnut.
19:17You once threw a snake at Paloma Faith's face.
19:21You're a pork chop, you're a job lot.
19:24You once slaughtered an eel on Alan Shearer's Fields.
19:31Thank you for receiving those songs.
19:34Well done, Bob.
19:37Oh, God, he's so good.
19:41That was hard.
19:42Yeah, that was hard.
19:43The first song, I thought, I can cope with this.
19:46And then the second one, I had to move away from him.
19:52What did you say about Paloma Faith's face?
19:54Something about her face.
19:55You once threw a snake at Paloma Faith's face.
19:59Is it based on a true story?
20:01No, it's not.
20:03It was a pigeon.
20:06Mm, apparently.
20:08I'm going to get another joker.
20:09Ooh!
20:10I'm thinking Alan.
20:12Yes, please.
20:14I know.
20:15Oh, shall I get it?
20:17Shall I?
20:17Go on.
20:18Yeah, you go on.
20:21Hello, last one laughing.
20:22Oh, hi, could I get Alan Carr to do his joker, please?
20:25Sure thing.
20:27Bye-bye.
20:27Love you, bye.
20:30Al, could you please do your joker?
20:32Oh, no.
20:34OK.
20:35Go, Al.
20:38So we've got five comics on a yellow card, and Alan's joker.
20:42Oh, hang on.
20:44Here goes Alan.
20:46Here we go.
20:47I'm looking forward to this.
20:48This is going to be good, isn't it?
20:50All right, let's see what he's brought.
20:51Come on, Alan.
20:53Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's game show time.
20:58So please welcome Mr. Game Show himself, Alan Carr.
21:05Holy shit.
21:07Hello, and welcome to my brand new game show, Concentration, or Constipation.
21:16Cue the music.
21:22Concentration, or constipation, it's up to you.
21:25To find the clue, is Alan's poo long overdue?
21:30Or is it concentration?
21:33Concentration, or is it concentration?
21:39And the rules of constipation or concentration could not be simpler.
21:43I'll be presenting to you a series of scenarios.
21:46You've got to see, am I constipated, or am I concentrating?
21:51Okay?
21:52Yeah.
21:53Please welcome my glamorous assistant, Pat.
21:56Pat Noodle.
21:57Please come out.
21:58She'll be passing out your paddles now.
22:01Oh, wow.
22:03Look at lovely Pat.
22:04It's a play on pot noodle, but obviously you won't want to pour boiling water over Pat.
22:08She's already tasty as it is.
22:11Wow.
22:12Thanks, Pat Noodle.
22:13You might have seen her from the 1990s reboot of The Price is Right.
22:18Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
22:23Well, I suppose you want to know what you're playing for.
22:27Yes, Alan.
22:30Sausage.
22:32The winner, and this is an Alan Carr promise, I will make whatever sausage you want.
22:39Cipollata, Cumberland.
22:40The ring ones.
22:41I can do that, but you've got to win though, okay?
22:44So remember, concentration or constipation.
22:48What am I doing?
22:49This is the first scenario, okay?
22:53Concentration or constipation.
22:57Okay.
23:11Concentration or constipation.
23:14Constipation, constipation.
23:16Bob, concentration.
23:18It's actually concentration.
23:21Wow, well done, Bob.
23:22Oh, I was opening up a pack of laundry tablets, and we've all been there, haven't we?
23:30Oh, yeah.
23:30Right.
23:31Next scenario.
23:33Am I constipated or am I concentrating?
23:38He's forgotten how to pronounce constipated.
23:59So am I concentrating or constipating?
24:03What am I doing?
24:05Okay, constipation, concentration, David.
24:07Concentration, Bob again.
24:09Well, let me reveal the scenario.
24:11It was constipation.
24:13Oh, constipation.
24:15Wow.
24:16Yes, I had gone to Alan Titchmarsh's summer party where he serves hardboard eggs done six
24:23ways, and we all got bunged up, and I had to manually evacuate Claire Balding with one
24:30of his trowels.
24:34It's a good game, isn't it?
24:36We're trying to get some of the Only Connect audience, you know, they would love this.
24:40Yeah.
24:42Okay.
24:43Concentration or constipation?
24:54I think he's coming.
25:03What do you reckon?
25:04A few concentrations.
25:08Concentration, concentration, constipation.
25:10Right.
25:11Well, you're all sort of right, because it's a trick question.
25:14I was constipated and concentrating.
25:18I was on the toilet doing a word search, but I'd eaten some unripe bananas wrapped in processed
25:24meat and washed it down with an Imodium smoothie.
25:28Ah.
25:31And can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
25:34I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
25:40So, who is the winner, you ask?
25:43I think, actually, it's Ramesh.
25:46Ramesh, well done.
25:46Come over here.
25:48Come on then, Pat, my love.
25:50You're going to help me.
25:50What kind of sausage?
25:53What kind of sausage would you like?
25:54You are a vegan, so you don't touch the meat.
25:57What kind of sausage?
25:58It's like a stroke.
25:59Wow.
26:11It's a lot of sausage.
26:13Alan's going to make himself go.
26:17That was really nice.
26:18It's like a robot that can shit.
26:21Yeah.
26:24Would you like this sausage?
26:28Romesh, take the sausage.
26:30Take the sausage, please.
26:31Oh, there you go.
26:33That's you.
26:34That's safe.
26:34You're leaving with that sausage.
26:36Can I just say thank you, everyone, for watching Concentration or Constipation?
26:41Thank you so much.
26:44Pat Noodle.
26:45Please, Pat, give it.
26:48Just stay there, Pat.
26:49Just stay there, Pat.
26:51Just stay there, Pat.
26:53You OK, boss?
26:56You good?
26:58Yeah.
26:59I think so.
27:02I think you are, yeah.
27:06Yeah.
27:12I mean, the thing is, I have hosted shows like that for real.
27:20So, I mean, it was a bit weird for me, because I have actually done...
27:23That was strong.
27:24Also, can I just say...
27:26Oh, hello.
27:28Hello.
27:29What?
27:29Was it me with the machine when it came out?
27:33Get them, Jimmy.
27:34This makes a lovely cheese board for us all to keep.
27:36I'm going to put mine...
27:37Yeah, thanks for the gifts, Sam.
27:38And it's good, because it reminds you, doesn't it, of what cheese can do?
27:42Yeah.
27:42Doors.
27:43Oh, here he is.
27:44Doors.
27:45Hello.
27:46Such a purposeful walk, isn't it?
27:48OK.
27:49Stand by your beds.
27:51Amazon have asked me to say that that is their format now.
27:54Great.
27:54OK.
27:55Yeah.
27:55Can Pat Noodle come too?
27:57Oh, yeah.
27:57Pat Noodle's...
27:58Actually, they want to do it without you and just her.
28:00She was extraordinary.
28:03What was the show she did with Jimmy Tarbuck?
28:05Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
28:11OK.
28:12We've had an incident.
28:13We've had some laughter in the room.
28:15Oh.
28:16And, well, I'll show you.
28:18Can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
28:21I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
28:23Here we go.
28:29Oh, yeah!
28:31Oh, yeah!
28:32Oh!
28:33Oh, wow!
28:33The set is so nice.
28:34You're powerful, but nothing's tougher than that.
28:37I mean...
28:37That was hard.
28:38You did very, very well.
28:39As soon as it opened and I just saw the set, I thought, I'm in trouble here.
28:44Alan could have come on in the jacket and just gone, Schaffernacher, and I probably would
28:48have laughed.
28:49Shit.
28:51While I've got you, there's another one.
28:59Say it ain't so.
29:05Okie dokie.
29:06Oh!
29:10If he had two straight eyes, he'd be driving a taxi.
29:18What is this house?
29:20I used to fancy the jack of clubs in the pack of cards.
29:23So I've got to give you a red card.
29:25Really?
29:25Ok, that's one for you.
29:26Hello.
29:27One for you.
29:28You'll come with me.
29:31We've all bitten down on a shoe when trying to curl one out.
29:45Nice.
29:55You.
29:57No.
30:00Fine.
30:01Let's get right.
30:01Bye.
30:01Bye.
30:02Bye.
30:02Nice, car.
30:02Come on!
30:03Bye-bye!
30:04Bye!
30:04Bye-bye!
30:04Bye-bye!
30:33We'll see you next time.
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