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The Chief S02E03 (2026) [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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00:30Well, maybe for all future diversity drives
00:33we should make our definition of diversity more diverse.
00:36Personally, I don't care where they come from.
00:38As long as they can binge press 220
00:40and chase after the wee bam that dipped your purse.
00:43It's all about budget.
00:44We can't go to the moon on a two-bar rocket.
00:46Don't worry.
00:47Justice will understand.
00:50Targets, they're an ideal objective.
00:52If there's one thing the Scottish government knows about,
00:54it's missing targets.
01:00Bir kaba reshuffle. Nadim'in dışında.
01:10Oh, bu.
01:13Helen.
01:14Bu.
01:15Bir sonraki.
01:17Bir sonraki.
01:17Oh, evet.
01:18Bir sonraki.
01:19Bir sonraki.
01:26Bir sonraki.
01:27Hey, didn't see you there.
01:29Just in here.
01:30Thank you so much.
01:32Helen.
01:32Helen, thank you.
01:35Hail to the big fish.
01:40I know they just got used to you in justice and now here you are in your watery grave.
01:46That is your largemouth bass, Chief.
01:49Freshwater, re-friend, part of the sunfish family.
01:52Well, I am impressed.
01:54I'm a quick study, Chief.
01:55Or take a saw on halwa.
01:58We're not celebrating this, are we?
02:00Why not?
02:01Look on the bright side.
02:02Fisheries is the only department I haven't run yet.
02:05Well, I mean, I had it as part of farming and ferries, but never solo.
02:09Anyway, enough about fish.
02:10Unless you want to pop down to the Balmoral and roll down a few old up-low smokies.
02:14Oh, I would love to.
02:16But I've got to go and meet your replacement.
02:18What's he like?
02:19McGuck.
02:20Young.
02:22Ambitious.
02:23Ruthless.
02:24Any tips?
02:26Aye.
02:26Be straight, white, privileged and powerful.
02:30I'll do my best.
02:34That's your 11 o'clock call.
02:37Gudmundur Gudmundsdottir, my Icelandic counterpart.
02:40Pickled herring import quarters, that's my life now.
02:43Let's try and enjoy it.
02:44Enjoy yours.
02:44I shall.
02:49Gooden.
02:50Gooden Dagen.
02:52Goodmundur.
02:54Christy.
03:01Ah, Chief.
03:02Come in.
03:03I'm just finishing a tanky power walk.
03:06Well, delighted to meet you, Xander.
03:08Minister.
03:10And I prefer stand-up meetings.
03:11Oh, well.
03:13As do I.
03:14Minister.
03:15Big fitness man myself.
03:17Particularly off the national game.
03:19The golf.
03:20Maybe we could hit the links sometime.
03:21Don't golf.
03:22I'm a squash guy.
03:23Ah, love squash.
03:25I'll book us a pitch.
03:26Room.
03:26Square.
03:27Court.
03:27Chief.
03:28Let's park the BS, yeah?
03:31Chief.
03:33Does your police force want a bigger budget?
03:36Bigger?
03:38What?
03:39Bigger as in?
03:41More.
03:44What?
03:44More than before?
03:47Well, obviously we would very much welcome-
03:50Sorry, just to clarify.
03:52By more, do you mean more?
03:56More money?
03:57More funds.
03:58Look, we want to back the bobbies and the bee, okay?
04:02To protect the Scottish people.
04:03But, we've got to work to a zero-sum budget.
04:07Well, yes, of course.
04:08That goes without saying.
04:10Remind me, a zero-sum budget is-
04:13Well, we strip out the fat.
04:14Build up the muscle.
04:15Get lean.
04:17Justify every penny of spend.
04:20Just a word of warning as regards the budget.
04:23There are a lot of code words in there.
04:26You know, for security reasons.
04:28I mean, pastries, for example.
04:29Pastries doesn't actually refer to pastry.
04:32Together, we'll ditch anything unnecessary.
04:35I mean, why hug a hoodie?
04:37When that hoodie should be huggled.
04:39Yeah?
04:39This...
04:40This is Project Proper Policing.
04:45Yeah.
04:45And this project gets a proper police endorsement.
04:50Right.
04:53What?
04:54Yes, I will book the squash table.
04:56Pitch.
04:57Room.
04:57Square.
04:58Court.
05:02Minister!
05:07You recently came top in a nationwide survey of public funded bodies.
05:12Do you feel valued at work?
05:14Every penny I spend goes towards nabbing the wee fud that pissed through your letterbox and set fire to your
05:19bins.
05:20I do greatly value your work.
05:22Both of you.
05:23But we...
05:24We have to find trims somewhere.
05:27If we're going to justify our bigger budget, we need to pinpoint where we might find unjustified spend.
05:33Your lunch from the seafood shed.
05:36Ah!
05:37Sorry, it's late.
05:38And they apologise, but the hand-dived scallops are fond.
05:41Ah!
05:42I'll slum it.
05:48Well, team, carry on.
05:50Cuts.
05:51Cuts, cuts.
05:52Justify.
05:53Justify.
05:53Justify.
05:57So, with a new broom in the cabinet, is it time then to tackle the unnecessary use of police funds?
06:03Unnecessary is a pretty strong word, Connie.
06:06We channel every public penny towards vital police initiatives.
06:11Really?
06:12Okay.
06:12I've got a direct quote here from your new justice minister who says,
06:16Chief Commissioner Mickelson agrees with me that there is a lot of waste in the police budget
06:20and shares my desire to slash unnecessary spending.
06:24Did...
06:25Did he say that?
06:26Did...
06:26Did he say that I said that?
06:28Did you say that he said that I said that?
06:30He said it 20 minutes ago in a TV interview.
06:33Well, I welcome your question about what I said, Connie.
06:39And when it comes to what I said, I would never actually say that I never actually said that.
06:46Saying that sort of thing is exactly the sort of thing I would say if I were saying something like
06:55that.
06:55So you did say what he said you said?
06:58What I will say is this.
07:00The justice minister and I are committed to saying a whole raft of things in the future.
07:07Prioritising keeping all spending non-profligated.
07:16Come on, Chief.
07:18I thought you were a squash pad.
07:21Jesus.
07:27Good shot.
07:29Minister, you're set.
07:31Yeah.
07:31That was some proper squashing.
07:33Ergy and Connie show.
07:35You were getting your arse handed to you there as well.
07:37She did serve me a pretty curvy curveball, you know.
07:40I didn't actually say what you said I said.
07:44What does it matter?
07:45If I say you said it, then you said it.
07:48I didn't actually say it, you know.
07:51There are such things as fact.
07:53There's no such things as fact.
07:55Right?
07:55The truth is fluid.
07:57Right?
07:57Just get our message out there.
07:59Yeah, well, next time just warn me what messaging you want out where and when.
08:03Yeah.
08:04Project proper policing.
08:06Backed by project proper budget.
08:10Yeah.
08:11F.
08:12F.
08:14You step up and trim the fat.
08:17Where you at with that?
08:21I am the Ozempic of budgetary planning.
08:25Transforming us into a lean, mean crime-fighting machine.
08:28Oh, yeah?
08:29Tell me deets.
08:30Deets.
08:31Oh, details.
08:32Well, the police shinty team won't be getting that new minibus.
08:37Pennies.
08:38Peanuts.
08:39Come on.
08:40Where are the big fat wads?
08:43Ditch whole departments.
08:45Whole departments?
08:46Well, we're a tightly integrated unit.
08:49We're a family.
08:50A family?
08:52You're the police force.
08:54We agreed.
08:55Blood and thunder.
08:56Boots on the ground.
08:57None of this wishy-washy, touchy-feely, hand-holding pish.
09:03I've never seen diversity, equity or inclusion arrest anyone.
09:07Hmm?
09:09Okay.
09:10Well, we'll look for trims in all departments.
09:13Yeah.
09:14Get on it.
09:15We need this done by the next finance round.
09:17Right?
09:17I'm a big fan of Momentum, Chief.
09:19Now serve.
09:21I'm a big fan of Momentum too, minister!
09:23Oh!
09:25Sorry.
09:28Ah!
09:29Ah!
09:30Ah!
09:31Now you're team.
09:33Ah!
09:33Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:37Shift up.
09:38You okay, Dad?
09:40Yep!
09:40Ah!
09:41Oh!
09:42Oof!
09:43Heard you on the radio.
09:44When are you gonna find these cuts?
09:46Your salary?
09:48Well, you know, if it came to that, I'd certainly consider considering it.
09:51I know where you could save money by making cuts.
09:54Right.
09:55I'm open to suggestions.
09:57The police.
09:58Well, no bad ideas in a brainstorm, but we're thinking of first looking at the police choir.
10:04They'll come for DEI.
10:06They always do.
10:07Not on my watch.
10:08I am a fierce protector of progressive modernity.
10:12So, ladies, women, people, who's tonight's author?
10:18Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
10:20Ah!
10:20Yes.
10:21Yes.
10:21Personal favourite of mine.
10:23Love her work.
10:24Proceed.
10:26Is Chimamanda writing from a historical Marxist feminist worldview?
10:32Or do we bracket her in a more modern, intersectional, eco-feminist?
10:39Dad?
10:44Bit of both.
10:48Look at that, Paul.
10:50That's how much it costs to neuter all the dogs in the police force.
10:54It's counterproductive.
10:55Just let them breed, we'll get free dogs.
10:59What's the matter, Paul?
11:00Justice Department have been in touch.
11:02List five ways to justify your job.
11:04Ah!
11:05Figurehead, law enforcer, justice dispenser, hero and icon.
11:10Not just you.
11:11It landed in everybody's inbox at 6am.
11:14Okay.
11:15Okay.
11:16We've all got the email.
11:17It's just five things per staff member.
11:20We can cover that off, can't we?
11:22Forcing people to justify their existence is just plain wrong.
11:26It should be voluntary.
11:27I've already done 50.
11:2850?
11:29When?
11:30Battered them out on the exercise bike.
11:31And I'm about to batter out 50 more.
11:34Well done, Muldoon.
11:37Sorry.
11:3850?
11:39Lindsay.
11:41You've got more than five too.
11:42Just list them.
11:44Play the game.
11:46No.
11:47I'm taking a principled stand.
11:49It might be to your benefit.
11:53And your departments.
11:54So they're coming for me.
11:56For us.
11:56No, no, no, no, no.
11:58No, no, I haven't heard that.
11:59No.
11:59No, there's been no indication of that whatsoever in any way at all.
12:03But if they did, you'd defend me.
12:06Lindsay.
12:06It's me.
12:08The people's chief.
12:10Your chief.
12:12Your department.
12:13It's vital.
12:14Life without you would be like a police car without its Nino.
12:17Five positive measures?
12:18What even is that?
12:19What even is this?
12:19What even am I?
12:20Why am I?
12:21Where is the what of the why?
12:21Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.
12:23Listen.
12:24You do any number of positive things around here, okay?
12:27You answer the phone for your teeth.
12:29Dad, wait.
12:30I'll type that out before I forget.
12:32Okay.
12:32See what I've done.
12:34Look at him.
12:35Oh.
12:35Sorry.
12:36I forgot.
12:37That's why I came in.
12:38Nadeem is on the line.
12:39Nadeem?
12:41What does the cod father want now?
12:45Fisheries minister.
12:47He's coming now.
12:48Thank you.
12:49I owe you some monkfish at the Balmoral for this.
12:52Everyone.
12:53Listen up.
12:54McGuck's on his way.
12:55All hands on deck.
13:07I don't want any excuses.
13:11It's not required.
13:12It's not justified.
13:14Oh.
13:15Minister.
13:16Hello.
13:16I wasn't expecting you.
13:17Ah.
13:18Ah.
13:19Ah.
13:20Vocal arm, chief.
13:24Some eejit put these posters up in your HQ.
13:27Muldoon, get those right in the bin.
13:30Now, since I'm here, any chance you could show me how you're spending Scotland's money?
13:36I'd be delighted.
13:39After the water cannon, we can look at the riot boys' kettling.
13:43They tend to practise on their lunch hour.
13:45Ah.
13:46Oh.
13:47Oh.
13:48I'm sorry.
13:48I'm not wearing my hat.
13:50I...
13:51Apologies.
13:52Back to my office, everyone.
13:53Do we need it, sir?
13:54Well, of course I need my hat.
13:56Muldoon, this is the justice minister, not the photocopier salesman.
13:59He deserves to be treated with respect and...
14:01It's fine, chief.
14:02Let's kick on.
14:03Right.
14:03Are you sure about that?
14:04Because it is actually quicker, I think, Muldoon, isn't it?
14:06If we go back to...
14:08Oh.
14:08What's that?
14:09This is...
14:09Oh!
14:10This, I think, is an awards ceremony for bravery.
14:15One of our heroes recently punched a devil dog.
14:23Wow!
14:24Well done!
14:28So what's this, then?
14:30Oh, thank you for your interest.
14:31This is a team building workshop.
14:34Right.
14:35So you're in charge.
14:36Yes.
14:37Lindsay MacLeod, head of...
14:38Many things.
14:39Many, many things.
14:41Diversity, equity and inclusion.
14:44Including those three things.
14:46Although we do refer to it these days as the Department of Danger, Energy and Instinct,
14:50which more clearly represents the work of the department.
14:53And these are serving police officers.
14:55Yes, they are.
14:56So while one partner is blindfolded, the other provides instructions.
15:01The challenge is to get through the obstacle course and then pick up all these wee ping pong balls and
15:05pop them in the buckets.
15:07Trust.
15:08Yes, the more that the police trust in each other, the more the public trusts the police.
15:14Yes.
15:14So, the water cannon.
15:16And what are these?
15:19Oh, no, these are for our empathy sessions.
15:21Our officers develop their emotional intelligence facts.
15:24How it spares money.
15:26Going on what?
15:27Messing about with ping pong balls and teddy bears.
15:30Er...
15:31No, that's not correct.
15:33No?
15:33No.
15:34Some of them are bunnies.
15:37Chief!
15:38Chief!
15:39Look at me.
15:41I really want to support the police with a bigger budget.
15:44Mm-hmm.
15:45But for that to happen...
15:48Heads must roll.
15:49Yeah.
15:50I mean, heads are already rolling, Minister.
15:53We've already let Big Tam go.
15:55What's in the canteen?
15:56He was so slow putting the tatties scones in the rolls.
15:59Get out of here.
16:00Chief!
16:02It is crystal clear what this organisation doesn't need.
16:06You are a police force.
16:08Not a therapy service.
16:12You know what you need to do, Chief.
16:22You said you would support me.
16:24And I did.
16:25Until, well, certain circumstances arose that somewhat forced my hand.
16:29I...
16:30Well, you're about to find out what life is like without your Nino.
16:35Look, you've done all that you can here.
16:37We're sorted now.
16:39Brand new!
16:41Look, it's temporary.
16:43Look, McGurk...
16:44Look, McGurk.
16:45McGurk won't be here forever.
16:47Remember when the Justice Minister was from the Green Party and we all had to cycle to work and only
16:53eat kale burgers, hmm?
16:55We're going to have a memorable farewell bash for you.
16:57One for the ages, eh?
17:01What can I do?
17:03It's McGurk. He's the boss.
17:05And he's gone tonto.
17:07Chief, if I could just correct you one last time.
17:11I don't think you can say that.
17:19Our priority is protecting the Scottish people.
17:23Our zero-sum budget, identified savings in DEI, and we are no alternative but to take action.
17:29So, Chief Commissioner, shuttering the police force departments of diversity, equity and inclusion, is that a necessary step to protect
17:36the Scottish people?
17:37Why'd you say that?
17:39Because you did.
17:40No, I didn't.
17:41We've just played the clip.
17:43No, you haven't.
17:44But we did.
17:45Well, I didn't hear it.
17:46And I'm sure your listeners didn't either.
17:48This is typical legacy media manipulation.
17:52Take something that doesn't exist, play it, claim that it does exist, and then blame me when I point out
17:58that it doesn't.
17:58Well, I'm not playing along.
18:00Chief Commissioner, the Scottish people deserve not to be lied to.
18:03I'll tell you what the Scottish people deserve. They deserve safer, crime-free streets. And that is what I intend
18:10to deliver.
18:11Perhaps you should concentrate on that, Connie, rather than semantics.
18:17Pass me away, Ellen. I've put the oven timer on for your mini-Kievs.
18:21Keeve.
18:22Sorry, mini-Keeve.
18:23Where are you going?
18:24Oh, I'm just popping to Lindsay's leaving-do.
18:28You've sacked your head of diversity.
18:31Well, no, no. She's...
18:32She's diversified into...
18:35non-employment.
18:36Rickle hard enough, and you can justify anything.
18:40So, ladies. Women. People.
18:43Who's tonight's author? Is it another Chimamanda?
18:46The legend of Faust. A mortal man with noble intentions.
18:50Who sells his soul to Mephistopheles for earthly pleasures and selfish short-term gain.
18:57That finds only guilt, torment and misery.
19:01You should try Ken Follett.
19:12Fellow officers and support staff, we're here to say goodbye to Lindsay McLeod,
19:19a loyal and indec...
19:23loyal servant of the Scottish Police Force.
19:25But, well, it's on to pastures new for Lindsay,
19:27and I just know that she will thrive wherever she goes.
19:31And now someone else will get the benefits of her awareness seminars for the Gaelic language.
19:38So, I just wanted to say...
19:41Uh...
19:42Uh...
19:42Uh...
19:47But we're not just here to bid a fond farewell to Lindsay.
19:52No, we are here to celebrate her many achievements.
19:55Only last month.
19:56I know a lot of us benefited from her menopositive and perimenopositive workshops.
20:04I personally am now very perimenopositive.
20:06For a man, that is an inclusive and supportive thing.
20:10To be.
20:11It's not your concern any longer, though.
20:13You don't have any skin in the game.
20:15Can I...
20:16Can I say that?
20:18Sounds a bit slave-y, doesn't it?
20:20It's not.
20:21I'm sure.
20:22I think it's probably from golf.
20:23Or is it...
20:24Is it...
20:24Oh, it's basketball, is it?
20:25But either way, it wouldn't do, would it?
20:27It wouldn't do to be a bit slave-y.
20:30At the...
20:31At the leaving do for the head of my diversity, equity and inclusion.
20:37Um...
20:38Um...
20:38You're not gonna help me.
20:39And that's...
20:40And that's fine, Lindsay.
20:41That's fine.
20:41I...
20:42I...
20:42I respect that.
20:44You know?
20:44Ha-ha.
20:45Sell me down the river.
20:46Oh no, that one is a bit slave-y.
20:48Ha-ha.
20:48Ha-ha.
20:49Ha-ha.
20:49Yes.
20:49Look, enough of me.
20:51Let's hear from the main man herself.
20:53The woman.
20:54Person.
20:56Lindsay MacLeod.
20:57To everyone.
20:58Thank you.
21:04Thank you to everyone who has supported me here and has been a friend to me.
21:09This song says everything I want to say.
21:13Oh, okay.
21:18Of all the comrades at head I've had, they are sorry for my glory.
21:26She'll be fine.
21:28She'll thrive.
21:29More than thrive.
21:31And we've got our bigger budget.
21:34Sign-off is imminent.
21:35And that's good for the police.
21:37We are pure muscle.
21:39No fat.
21:40You know when you see two dogs shagging down by the canal.
21:45And the back dog's legs are shaking.
21:48And he's straining.
21:50And his thighs are pure, smooth muscle.
21:53That's us.
21:56We won't change our logo to that quite yet, but...
22:00And the back dog's a lovely call.
22:02Goodnight and jolly way.
22:12And this next song is for everybody else.
22:17This is Suck My Fury by Hate Pusher.
22:21Pull.
22:24Ah!
22:26Stop my fury!
22:29Stop my fury!
22:32Stop my fury!
22:51...
23:02İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
23:25İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
23:52İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
24:22A proper alpha, a stag, a bull, not a feeble beater cuck
24:28Ah, shut up and serve my guk
24:30It's Minister!
24:42Oh my god
24:50Ambulance, ambulance, ambulance
24:54No, Paul
24:58Paul, what time is the budget signed off in committee?
25:01Any minute, Chief, it should be on the website soon
25:03Okay, Paul, let me know, I'll hold
25:05Okay
25:08We've actually booked this course
25:09Sorry, just one minute with one final rally
25:14We're almost there
25:19One minute
25:21Anything, Paul?
25:23Still nothing
25:24Nope
25:24Won't be long
25:26Hell of a rally
25:28Oh wait, that's it confirmed
25:31Okay
25:32The budget's increased
25:33Yes
25:34More money
25:35Thank you, Paul
25:35Yes
25:38Oh, I get an ambulance here as soon as possible
25:40Oh, Alex
25:41Way later
25:42We'll do
25:44Oh no
25:44Oh no, he's collapsed
25:46Help
25:52How's it hanging?
25:54You can't say that, Chief
25:57McGurk looks so fit
25:59But then not all the vulnerabilities are visible
26:01I heard about McGurk, R.I.P. and that
26:03But at least the turbo tasers have arrived
26:07Power to the police
26:12Good to see you're back
26:13I'm hosting a seminar this afternoon
26:16Empathy in the workplace, you interested?
26:20Aye
26:21Sign me up
26:22I'll be there
26:38There he is
26:40Back where he belongs
26:45Terrible news about McGurk
26:46Terrible
26:47All thoughts at this time
26:48And the nation is grateful to you for providing continuity
26:52And accepting your old job back
26:54A little welcome home gift
26:58So, are we going for lunch?
27:00Monkfish was mentioned
27:02My treat
27:03I'll put it on expenses
27:05There's plenty in the budget
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