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00:03Okay, rolling. Quiet, please. And action.
00:08See the world differently. See it from behind and above the Ford Bronco.
00:14Because horses of a feather like to stick together with each other and fly around looking at the world.
00:21How's that?
00:23That's me, Daniel Stax, number one fan of John Bronco.
00:26It's hotter than half of Georgia out here. You think maybe I can get like an agua with some bubbles
00:30in it, you know, like something like a Topo Chico?
00:33And that's legendary Ford Motor Company pitchman, John Bronco.
00:36I'll get it, John.
00:37And you're probably wondering, how the heck did we get here? Well, I'll tell you.
00:49By day, I'm the archivist for the Ford Motor Company. And by night, I'm the host of The Broncast.
00:54Welcome to The Broncast, Broncoteers.
00:57At home, I have my own archive, and I host a series from my apartment dedicated to all things John
01:01Bronco, the greatest pitchman of all time.
01:04So, here are John's top tags from the 70s, as voted on by you, the viewers.
01:09This truck's tougher than your mama's daddy. So, hit the road.
01:15It's got my name on it. So, you know it plays dirty.
01:20This baby, it's meaner than a wet panther you forgot to invite to your birthday party.
01:29That's Ford. Built Texas tough.
01:32But did you know that despite starring in over 80 commercials, many of which he wrote and directed himself,
01:37Throw some bikes up on the roof.
01:39This man does not have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?
01:43Well, that's all about to change. I've got the application right here.
01:47I've already filled out all the easy parts, so off we go.
01:50In what mediums did the artist work?
01:53Television. Check.
01:55Film. Check.
01:58Books and radio. Check. And check.
02:00Comedy.
02:01Well, there were his Vegas years.
02:03So I say to the guy, I don't know what the Pope was driving.
02:10Thank you very much, everybody, for coming out.
02:13Children's programming?
02:15Hmm, well, who can forget John's breakfast cereal from the early 80s?
02:19Who's ready for breakfast?
02:21Get fucked with super flavors.
02:23This bucket bronco's gonna kick you out of bed.
02:26With an oat crunch and a hint of sharp cheddar and pineapple cherry flavored gummy horseshoes.
02:32Get fucked with super flavors.
02:35Get ready to shred the roof of your mouth.
02:38Get fucked with super flavors.
02:41Get fucked.
02:42The FDA found emulsifiers in Broncos and pulled it from the shelves.
02:46Any regrets?
02:47Regrets?
02:48No, sir.
02:49Turns out a muscle fire is very effective in dispersing oil spills.
02:53We rebranded and sold huge quantities to the Coast Guard.
02:57Made a fortune.
02:58Besides, nobody was hurt.
03:00Some people had mild irritation on the roof of their mouths.
03:04Which, to be fair, we mentioned in the jingle.
03:07Get ready to shred the roof of your mouth.
03:10We don't have to mention that part in the application.
03:16But interestingly, that commercial was such a hit that it led to the Saturday morning cartoon John Bronco Mysteries, a
03:22show that unpacked government conspiracies in a way that kids could enjoy.
03:27I don't think we're authorized to be here, John.
03:29Oh, yeah.
03:30Well, tell it to that guy.
03:33Many cartoons of that era used what's called a laugh track.
03:37There was obviously no audience, so it was up to John to determine where the laughs should be.
03:42My Bronco computer showing that we would be unlikely to prevail in a fight with that alien.
03:47Or certainly not one so well armed.
03:50Sorry.
03:51No time for great jokes.
03:52Grr.
03:53Tigray no like extraterrestrials.
03:55Yeah, me neither, Tigray.
03:56Hey, I prefer plain old terrestrials.
03:59Say, boys, why don't we get the UFO out of here?
04:06Hey, where's my laughs?
04:08John wrote every episode himself.
04:10And not sure if he could tell he voiced all the characters.
04:14Except for his girlfriend, Bo Derek, who left him immediately after this episode was recorded.
04:19Oh, the best part was always the lesson at the end.
04:23Listen up, ninos.
04:24Aliens are no laughing matter.
04:27Now, if you see one, stand your ground.
04:30Do not run.
04:32Back away slowly and maintain eye contact as long as you possibly can.
04:38Now, if that don't work, you just punch him in the nose.
04:41Just boom!
04:43But make sure you got gloves on because you never know what the skin's made out of.
04:48Until next time, I'm John Bronco.
04:52Next criteria, civic participation and contribution to the community.
04:55Well, John played a part in a children's literacy program at the 1968 Global Fair in San Antonio.
05:02Ford hired Canadian sibling puppeteers Irv and Tony Crabb to create a kids' show featuring John Bronco to be held
05:08inside Ford Pavilion.
05:09Come on, Michael.
05:10Mr. Boondock is just down the road.
05:12I drive.
05:13D-R-I-V-E drive.
05:18Let's go.
05:19Well, it was 120 degrees that day.
05:21John was severely dehydrated from all the queso he had been eating.
05:25And while never actually being diagnosed as claustrophobic, he tended to become very disoriented when placed in tight spaces.
05:34Where am I?
05:35Where am I?
05:35I can't get it off.
05:36I can't breathe.
05:38Help me get this thing off.
05:39I can't breathe in here, man.
05:40Hey, Michael!
05:41Rock off!
05:43Michael.
05:44Go ahead.
05:46On top of all that, the epoxy resin they used to build the suit only became stronger in the heat.
05:53The heat was hot, the glue was strong, and for some reason, he blamed it all on little Michael.
05:59Come here.
05:59Where are you?
06:00It was a perfect storm.
06:02Come here.
06:02Come here.
06:03Get this thing off.
06:04Get high.
06:05Get it.
06:05Hey, come here.
06:06Where are you, boy?
06:07Uh-huh.
06:08Uh-huh.
06:09Get off me.
06:09Don't touch me now.
06:11It was actually safer to just let the glue wear off than to try to get it off.
06:14They cut him out of the costume.
06:15So they just let him go.
06:17I mean, this was the 60s.
06:19Michael!
06:20Funny bit of trivia, actually.
06:22Michael turned out to be legendary actor Michael Chiklis.
06:25He talked about the whole experience in a recent interview.
06:29Look.
06:31Um...
06:33If I ever have to do, like, a scene where I cry, all I have to do is think of
06:40John Bronco
06:42and that pup...
06:45Gina, I thought we weren't supposed to talk about the f***ing puppet.
06:50Candidate must have longevity in his field spanning five-plus decades.
06:54So we got the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, but then he disappeared.
06:59We need something in present day, which means we need to find John.
07:10Ah, Bronco John.
07:12John Bronco was a very popular name in the early 70s due to his fame for both boys and girls.
07:18This might take a while.
07:19Hi, I'm calling, uh, trying to reach John Bronco.
07:24Yep, sorry, ma'am.
07:27Female John Bronco.
07:28Uh, hi, I'm trying to reach John Bronco.
07:32Yep.
07:32Sorry, Your Honor, Judge John Bronco.
07:34I guess they just pour cement around, uh, the star, and then it's in the sidewalk.
07:42That was my mom.
07:45Sorry to bother you, sir.
07:47I...
07:47Wait.
07:50Can you say, I'm tougher than your mama's daddy?
07:53I'm tougher than your mama's daddy.
07:54No, I don't know who it is.
07:55It's you.
07:56No, no, no, no, no, no, don't hang up, don't.
08:04Holy s***.
08:06That was totally him.
08:10So I've been calling that number and leaving messages, but then I came home and I found a
08:14message on my machine.
08:19I'm gonna make this real simple, friend.
08:21John Bronco is gone.
08:23Bye-bye.
08:24Sayonara.
08:25Banish like a fart in the wind.
08:26A tumbleweed.
08:27Disappeared in a puff of smoke.
08:29Now mark my words.
08:30You will never find him.
08:31Oh, shoot.
08:32That's, that's my line.
08:33Hold on.
08:33How do I get this?
08:34Hello?
08:34Is this Postmates again?
08:36I've been waiting for my fajitas for dang near two hours.
08:38I can't keep explaining where I live to you guys.
08:42Off I-87, exit 6.
08:44Go up to the end of Barboa Place.
08:46Then up the fire road, pass the old mill.
08:49Count seven telephone poles.
08:50Then left at the tall Douglas fir.
08:52I'm in New York just below there.
08:54If I ain't there, just scream my name, John Bronco.
08:57I'll be there in a jiff.
08:58I get the dang fajitas here, plus some extra chips.
09:01Heck, you could have stopped at every house in Rio Rancho, New Mexico by now.
09:05We found John Bronco.
09:12By the way, it's a pretty long drive.
09:15So I'm just going to suggest that we listen to a John Bronco audio book.
09:19You know, back in the 70s, John recorded a series of audio books.
09:23Well, he didn't read them, per se.
09:25More just recounted them from memory.
09:28Oh, here we go.
09:29Moby Dick, a classic.
09:31I think you'll agree.
09:32So it was this big, white whale.
09:35He was real big, like crazy big, see?
09:37Most whales are black.
09:38But this whale, now, well, he was all white.
09:41He was like an albino whale.
09:42And then there was this guy Ahab.
09:44And Ahab knew, man, straight away.
09:46He said, I got to kill this guy.
09:48So he's out there.
09:49He's on the deck.
09:50He got his telescope out.
09:51He's searching around, looking around.
09:53And he's getting real mad.
09:54He's like, hey, man, this ocean's so big.
09:56How the hell am I supposed to find one stupid whale?
09:58You try to do it.
09:59And then these teenagers, they was out on this raft, just splashing around.
10:03Had feet and hands in the water.
10:04And then Moby Dick comes around.
10:06He's just going, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
10:09At some point, John started mixing in a movie that he had recently seen.
10:13Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
10:16And then Ahab's like, hey, you got to close these beaches.
10:19Mayor Queepig's like, what?
10:20I can't close these beaches, man.
10:22It's Fourth of July weekend.
10:23So then all of a sudden, Moby Dick's got this big oxygen tank lodged right in his mouth.
10:28So Ahab just points his gun at Moby Dick's face and he says, smile, you son of a bitch.
10:33Boom!
10:34There's a huge explosion.
10:35Then whale parts just start raining all over the place.
10:37All over Roy Schneider and Ahab.
10:40And, well, that was the end of Moby Dick.
10:42And I think that's the end of our story.
10:45Is that six telephone poles or what?
10:52Hey, man, you got my pahootie?
10:56I think that's him.
11:01Well, hi, I'm Daniel Stacks.
11:04I'm the archivist for the Ford Motor.
11:10And all the people said,
11:13is this not the son of David?
11:16Yeah, it's the new Bronco in the flesh.
11:22I thought when I skipped town, man,
11:24then maybe they'd just cancel the whole thing, you know?
11:26Oh, no.
11:27The launch was quite successful.
11:29They do a commercial?
11:31Well, yeah.
11:33Are you serious, man?
11:34Really?
11:35Yeah, it's a new car.
11:36Oh, you got it with you?
11:38Oh, come on, man.
11:39Let's see it.
11:39Bring it up.
11:40Yeah, of course.
11:45You got to put in your passcode, man.
11:47Sorry.
11:48One, one, one, one.
11:49One.
11:53Something that acts like it's been out here before.
11:57Okay.
11:57All right, that's it.
11:58I sent him to the...
11:58Pretty cool, huh?
11:59Yes.
12:00It's real cool.
12:03God damn, man.
12:04What was I thinking?
12:05I just thought driving off into the sunset was a cool move, you know?
12:09It was like the cowboy move, just so cinematic,
12:13I could just hear the soundtrack playing in my head right now, man.
12:17God, God!
12:20What, you got cameras here?
12:23What, you making a, like a documentary film or something?
12:26You some kind of stalker?
12:26Uh, no.
12:28I'm a historian.
12:29I've got all your props and wardrobe from your old commercials from the archives.
12:42Oh, God.
12:43Hey, man.
12:44What kind of lens you got on this frame, huh?
12:46You know what?
12:46It don't matter.
12:47Just, uh, let me walk into a wide frame and then cut to my close-up once I hit my
12:52mark,
12:52okay?
12:53All right?
12:53Oh, ah!
12:55Yeah!
12:57Ha, ha!
12:57Yes!
12:58Come on!
12:59All right, let's go!
13:00We're going to make a commercial!
13:02Oh, God!
13:04Yes!
13:05This will work for the Walk of Fame.
13:07Oh!
13:09Ah!
13:10Hey!
13:12Damn, I forgot what I was going to say.
13:14Introducing the all-new Ford Bronco.
13:15Yes, that's it.
13:17Introducing the all-new Ford Fiesta.
13:19Bronco.
13:20How's this look?
13:21I look sexy?
13:22Introducing the all-new Ford...
13:24Shoot, mine.
13:26Bronco.
13:27Right, yeah, got it.
13:28Okay, cut.
13:29Back to one.
13:29What about this, man?
13:31It's a little unnatural, John.
13:33Introducing the new Ford...
13:42Oh, hold on.
13:43I forgot something in there.
13:49Man, I think I got a cramp.
13:51Do you need anything?
13:52You want a water or a banana?
13:54Ah!
14:09What?
14:11Just checking on you, John.
14:13I mean, there's definitely some pieces in there, you know?
14:16Maybe just, like, cut it up a little bit, you know?
14:19Put a little music in it.
14:20Something like that.
14:22I don't think I got it anymore, man.
14:25I think this golden goose has been cooked, man.
14:27No, John.
14:28What?
14:29Look, why don't we start you off pitching something smaller?
14:31Work our way up to the Bronco.
14:32Damn, come on, man.
14:33I mean, I'm John Bronco.
14:35You know, I pitch Broncos, man.
14:37What else am I going to pitch around here, huh?
14:39Rocks?
14:40Sky, man.
14:41Come on, Daniel.
14:42Trust me.
14:43We can start with some mom-and-pop shops, you know?
14:45People that can really use someone like you.
14:47Trust me.
14:48I'll find them on the gram.
14:50What's that?
14:51It's a social media app.
14:53It's, uh, you people post pictures and their business.
14:57You know what?
14:58I'll take care of it.
14:59I'll find it.
14:59Okay?
15:00Why don't you hang tight or, um, I...
15:02Okay, yeah.
15:05All right, yeah, let's...
15:06So let's give John five.
15:07Let's give John five.
15:12Camp's Pizza.
15:14Quality pizza from the birthplace of pizza.
15:18Powder Springs, Georgia.
15:20Turn to the next card.
15:22I can't read it.
15:24Adventures by Kelly.
15:25Find us on Facebook.
15:29What's Facebook?
15:31Leonie is called the Italian Ice King in California for a reason.
15:35He murdered the last Italian Ice King and took the throne.
15:39No, I'm just kidding.
15:41He makes the best Italian ices in California.
15:44Panhandle Polar Air H-back Company is the best polar company in all of Florida.
15:50In Sneeds, Florida, anyway.
15:51Calliope Candle Works has the best scent around.
15:54They're working on a John Bronco candle right now.
15:57You know what it's going to smell like?
15:58Chicken mole enchiladas.
16:00Pacific Dream Seafood.
16:02You know, I had a...
16:03I had a dream myself last night.
16:06Woolly Beast Natural Lumberjack Beard Oil.
16:09Damn, this smells good, Dan.
16:11I'm like, for real, man.
16:12Here, you want some of this?
16:14Ooh!
16:15That was just red-headed, like mermaid, man.
16:17She was just kind of hanging out.
16:18And there was this crab, man.
16:20This Jamaican crab.
16:20V-Miller Meats believes in whole animal butchery.
16:23Now, what does that mean?
16:25It means they'll give you any part of the animal.
16:28Even the lips.
16:29Yeah, that's right.
16:30Just sitting there, getting these little clam shells.
16:33Just like bongos, man.
16:34So come on down to V-Miller Meats Whole Animal Butchery and get whatever you want, including the lips.
16:42Located at 1696 Thousand Oaks Boulevard, Thousand Oaks, California.
16:47Maverick Hotel, Eugene, Oregon.
16:49Consider Bardwell Farms in Parlett, Vermont.
16:52Candler Park.
16:53That's all rude.
16:54Kansas City.
16:55Albany.
16:56And Honolulu!
17:02I'm back!
17:03Who has my hat?
17:05I do.
17:07Let's do this.
17:09Where's that Bronco?
17:15You know, I've often said, there is nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a
17:23Bronco.
17:25And cut!
17:26Oh, man!
17:27Wow!
17:29Unbelievable!
17:30That was great!
17:31Wow, it was, wasn't it?
17:32That's the stuff.
17:33That's the stuff, man.
17:34It is the stuff.
17:35Unbelievable, man.
17:36Hey, Sabrina, you were amazing.
17:38Paul, you were amazing.
17:39Sound guy, thank you for getting all that sound and on down.
17:43I'm just going to get me some of these chips and some of these chili cheese puffs.
17:47A couple of mommas here.
17:48And I'll leave that water for y'all.
17:49And, uh, hey, look, I'm not good at saying goodbyes, uh, in English, so I'm just going to say adios.
17:57Wait.
17:58John, that was just one shot.
17:59We still have the rest of the script.
18:07That was my car.
18:11John Bronco just stole my Bronco.
18:15Sabrina, I'm going to need a ride home.
18:26I lost my car.
18:28I lost John.
18:30And now I'd never be able to complete the Walk of Fame application.
18:34All that history and nothing to show for it.
18:39Wait a sec.
18:43Come on, let's go!
18:46Come on, let's go!
18:59Let's go!
19:02Go Bronco, go!
19:11It's going to be insane.
19:15We're going on to the rain.
19:19Now ride in your four-by-four.
19:22We're going to take off all the doors.
19:26There's plenty of pieces that children enjoy.
19:32It's going to buckle up there, cowboy.
19:37It's a great video.
19:38A buddy of mine sent me that.
19:39Oh, thanks.
19:40It's a commercial I made with John Bronco.
19:42John Bronco's the man.
19:43I love him.
19:44Went viral.
19:45Of course it went viral.
19:46He's the greatest pitch man of all time.
19:48Are you submitting him for the Walk of Fame?
19:50Yeah.
19:51Yeah?
19:51Yeah.
19:52Because he's more than a pitch man, you know?
19:54Number 80.
19:55He even has his own cookbook.
19:56I have his cookbook.
19:57Dude, that queso recipe, the best.
20:00He's a shoo-in for this.
20:02I've been here like five times.
20:04And I honestly, I don't think they know, they even know who I am, which is crazy.
20:09I mean, you know who I am.
20:13Yeah.
20:15You're, uh, Jonathan Taylor Thompson.
20:19Number 81.
20:21That's me.
20:21Got to go.
20:22Good luck.
20:23Likewise.
20:24Right this way, sir.
20:25I know.
20:26I've been here before.
20:31Dan, it's John Bronco.
20:33I just wanted you to know how grateful I was to be back in the saddle again.
20:37You know, I got to say something.
20:39Now, the only stars that matter are the ones up in the sky, brother.
20:42A sidewalk of fame, boy.
20:45There ain't no sidewalks where we're going, friend.
20:47No such thing as fame, neither.
20:49Now, you got to get those boots dirty.
20:52Experience the world for yourself.
20:54Sometimes you got to get lost to get found.
20:57Know what I mean?
20:58Say it.
20:59That's a good one.
21:00I'll go write that one down.
21:03Until next time, my friend.
21:06JB.
21:09Number 82.
21:21Where's the John Bronco guy?
21:28In the end, he was right.
21:32Awards and accolades are only temporary.
21:35But the spirit of John Bronco is forever.
21:40All right, now.
21:41Here we go.
21:42Get lost, you get found.
21:44Woo!
21:45Don't need no mounts.
21:48Don't need no signs.
21:49Just gonna follow.
21:52They've got a lot, cause you know.
21:53And then the horse looks at the bartender,
21:57and he says, buddy, you read my mind.
22:01Don't need no money.
22:03If they don't have Broncos in heaven,
22:05then you can send me straight to.
22:07Now, you know we like to have a good time on this show,
22:10but peanut allergies taking the helium out of a balloon.
22:14Velociraptors hitting somebody with a chain is no laughing matter.
22:20Hey, can I get a Topo Chico or something?
22:24Tap water?
22:25I don't know.
22:26Just a few thousand people with severe face welling.
22:30That's all.
22:31I'm thinking maybe if I dropped the Austin
22:33and I just did Brian Green,
22:35I had a better chance.
22:36Press your instincts.
22:37It was traumatizing.
22:39The music.
22:41I puppet.
22:42I still have nightmares about it, you know.
22:44Just eat my tacos and some taco sauce,
22:48so you know I'm a man on the open road.
22:58Go, go Bronco mode.
23:04It's gonna be insane.
23:09We're going all to rain.
23:14Grab your four-by-four
23:20We're gonna take off all the doors
23:25There's plenty of features you'll enjoy
23:29So buckle up there, cowboy
23:34Go, go Bronco mode
23:41Go, go Bronco mode
23:45Bronco mode
23:52Go, go Bronco mode
24:02It's gonna be insane
24:09We're going all to rain
24:12We're going all to rain
24:14We're going all to rain
24:15Grab your four-by-four
24:20We're gonna take off all the doors
24:25There's plenty of features you'll enjoy
24:29There's plenty of features you'll enjoy
24:30So buckle up there, cowboy
24:36Go, go Bronco mode
24:41Go, go Bronco mode
24:45Go, go Bronco mode
24:46Bronco mode
24:48Go, go Bronco mode
24:49Go, go Bronco mode
25:14Go, go Bronco mode
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