Today on Unfiltered Stories, we share the powerful journey of Mayra Downs. Abused by her stepdad and half-brother while her mother did nothing, Mayra faced immense challenges. Despite the lack of support and protection from her own family, she navigated through the trauma and emerged stronger. Join us to hear her harrowing yet inspiring story of resilience, survival, and healing.
#survivorstories #trauma #dysfunctionalfamily
Follow Mayra here:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/mayra1o1
TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@mayra.downs
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
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#survivorstories #trauma #dysfunctionalfamily
Follow Mayra here:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/mayra1o1
TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@mayra.downs
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
Tiktok âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat âž® https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
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NewsTranscript
00:00I am Myra Downs. I grew up in the city of Logan, Utah, and today I'm going to be talking
00:07about how I kind of grew up and the struggles I went through and how I was able to finally,
00:15at the age of 15, come out of that and do better and be better.
00:20I grew up with a very traditional Hispanic family. My mother was a little bit Catholic, but really she practiced
00:28paganism for other siblings, and they were all male.
00:32My brothers all have a different dad than me, but we all grew up with their dad being our father.
00:38My mother had an affair and had me as a result. That was never really an issue growing up because
00:46I viewed my brother's dad as my dad.
00:48My mom started to have abusive tendencies at a really, really young age. As far back as I can remember,
00:56I think the fact that I was a result of her affair caused so many marital issues, so in a
01:02way blamed me because I was the result of it.
01:05And so she took her anger out on me a lot. My mother, at one point, got very violent with
01:12my mother or with my father.
01:14I just know I was between the ages of five and seven when my mother first or one of the
01:20times that she went to jail.
01:21She went to jail for a domestic dispute and was gone for quite a while. I can't exactly remember how
01:30long.
01:30While she was gone is when my life really started to change for the worse.
01:37While my mother was gone, my father was gone. And while she was gone, he got sick one night and
01:45I was sleeping.
01:46I decided to sleep in his bed with him because I always did that when my mom was home.
01:50I remember waking up one morning to him pulling down my pants and I could just smell in his breath
01:59and on his sweat and like his skin.
02:01He just reeked.
02:03I remember kind of like jolting up really quick and feeling weird about it.
02:09So when he went into the bathroom, I just ran out of the room really quick and I didn't think
02:14anything of it.
02:15I just felt kind of weird about it, but I didn't think much of it.
02:18I was really young until the next night he came in my room again and the details get a little
02:24blurry because I think I've blocked out a lot of this trauma.
02:28It wasn't very long until my father did end up coming into my room and assaulting me again.
02:34But this this was one of the worst nights he had ever.
02:37It had been a lot of touching up until this night.
02:40This night, I can't remember exactly the details.
02:43I just do remember him forcing things in me and just touching me and doing everything he could.
02:51And I remember waking up that morning because I went to sleep after I woke up and it hurt to
02:57walk.
02:58It hurt to get up and walk to the bathroom.
03:00That was really like the first time that I felt so much betrayal and disappointment.
03:07Every time my father would assault me, I would close my eyes super, super tight and pretend as if I
03:14was asleep.
03:14So that way he didn't know that I was awake because I was just afraid to open them.
03:19For some reason, I thought opening my eyes would make the situation worse.
03:24The next mornings were just like any other day, like that night before just never happened.
03:29And of course, I was a child, so I never brought it up.
03:33I was super confused and things just got worse until my mother finally came out of jail and he finally
03:41stopped.
03:42I know I was either six or seven the first time.
03:44So as soon as my mom got home or got home from jail, it stopped.
03:48It stopped completely.
03:49There was a few times where I was afraid that he would do it again, given the chance, but he
03:55never really did.
03:56When my mom got out of jail, I didn't even think to tell her.
04:00I think at a really young age, I kind of always knew that my mother's reaction wasn't going to be
04:06a normal mother's reaction to this.
04:08I knew that my mother wasn't going to comfort me.
04:10I think a part of me knew that she would make it about herself.
04:14As I got older, the abuse towards me started to really start happening and my mother's like hatred towards me
04:23or like jealousy.
04:24I'm not really sure exactly what it was or why she was just so, so resentful over me.
04:29Again, I do think a huge part of it is the fact that I'm not my father's daughter, but there
04:35was another time where I was being assaulted by one of my older siblings and my mother had walked in
04:42on us and I remember her reaction.
04:46She was just like shocked.
04:47I think she just didn't really know how to handle the situation, but she didn't really do much.
04:51When my dad got home from work, she forced me to tell him all the details after, you know, he
04:58had him, he himself had assaulted me.
05:01So he didn't really care.
05:03He didn't react.
05:04He was just like, oh, that happened.
05:06Okay.
05:07My mother would always accuse me of sleeping with all my, my, my guy friends.
05:11Like I would, I would go to the skate park and I would come home and she'd be like, oh,
05:16are you done sleeping with all those boys?
05:18And then as I got older, I was about 11.
05:20Then maybe younger, I think I had just turned 11.
05:23I think my birthday was like literally just right around the corner and another one of my siblings assaulted me.
05:30This time, my mom didn't know about it to this day.
05:32I don't think she knows about it, but of course she was like the least person I thought about to
05:37tell.
05:38Like I just wasn't going to tell my mother.
05:40She wasn't going to do anything about it.
05:42So what was the point?
05:43So then by the time that happened, a year after my second brother assaulted me, I finally, finally, it was,
05:52it was just one day.
05:53I don't really know what triggered me, but I know that my father had got me super upset.
05:58So I finally had the courage to tell my mother that my dad did assault me.
06:03Went into my room, which was a closet and I sat on my bed and I was thinking and trying
06:08to encourage myself to, to finally tell her that this was the time.
06:13And if it's not right now, then I probably should never tell her because if I can't do it right
06:18now, then there's no point.
06:20I get out of my room and I walk into the room that she's in with my siblings and they're
06:24all watching TV and I'm crying and my mom goes, what's wrong with you?
06:28I just blame out, just say it.
06:30I'm just like, dad raped me.
06:32And she just sits there.
06:33She's just sitting there and she goes, what?
06:36And I'm like, dad raped me.
06:37And my father comes in because he hears it from the other room and he comes in and he's like,
06:43what are you talking about?
06:44And he's, he's very, very obviously nervous.
06:47Like he is like, he's skipping over his words.
06:50He's like jittery.
06:52Like he's very clearly guilty, but he's like, what are you talking about?
06:57Why are you saying that?
06:58And my mother goes, what do you mean?
07:00And I'm like, he, he touched me.
07:02Like he's touched me before.
07:03My oldest brother was the only one who was paying attention to this.
07:06And he goes, why are you lying?
07:09I just completely ignore him.
07:11And I look at my mother and I tell her again, he touched me.
07:15And so she takes me into the bathroom and she goes, where did he touch you?
07:20And I didn't want to relive that trauma.
07:22So I just said, he touched me.
07:25I didn't give her any details.
07:27I didn't give her any of it.
07:28And she just didn't do anything.
07:30She just, we, we went into her room and I was sitting on the bed and I was sobbing at
07:35this point.
07:36And she was sitting next to me and my father comes in and he starts crying and he goes, can
07:42you forgive me?
07:43And admits in front of my mother that he did in fact rape me.
07:49And he was on his knees and he was begging me to forgive him, but I was just sobbing.
07:54So I, nothing came out.
07:55I couldn't even say yes.
07:57I couldn't say no.
07:57And before I could even say anything, he was like, it's okay.
08:01If you don't forgive me, God will.
08:03And then that was another time that I was just so disappointed in God because I was like, what do
08:08you mean?
08:08Like he, he can forgive you, but he couldn't stop you that night.
08:11Just that one night that I asked for some peace and sleep.
08:15Like that's, that's insane.
08:17And then I think about a couple of years later, cause the next day, my mom, nothing happened.
08:22And the next day she slept with him that same night and we went to, I think we went to
08:27the thrift store the next day.
08:29My dad bought me everything I wanted almost in a way to almost like undo what he did as if
08:34that was going to make a difference.
08:36We just went about our lives.
08:37Nothing ever came of it, but my parents were still very abusive towards each other.
08:42And then I think the abuse towards me really started to kick in gear from my mother.
08:48Whenever they would argue and fight, she would be like, remember what you did to the girl?
08:52She would always throw it in his face and she would force me to go into the room with them
08:56and talk about the abuse.
08:58I would sit there and I'd cry, but she started to get really, really abusive.
09:02And my mother was always abusive.
09:04I can't remember how old I was, but one of the earliest memories I have of my mother is her
09:09throwing a remote at my face and breaking my tooth in half.
09:14Because I was laughing and running around with my little brother and she wanted me to shut up.
09:19So she threw the remote at my face.
09:21Another time I didn't grab a hairband fast enough for her to do my hair.
09:26So she smacked me in the back of the head as hard as she could with the brush.
09:30There was another time where she was kicking me out of her home and I said, okay, like I'll pack
09:36my stuff and I'll leave because I had a place to stay.
09:39So I packed all my things and I was about to get ready to leave.
09:43And my mother stopped me and she was like, what are you doing?
09:47And I looked at her and I said, I'm leaving.
09:49And she was like, no, you're not.
09:51And she, I was sitting down when this was happening and she just starts beating me senseless.
09:56Like she's hitting me in the face.
09:58She's beating me in the stomach, my arms, my legs.
10:01She's just punching me everywhere that she could just land a punch.
10:05And she got me really good.
10:06But I did end up going to school the next day with bruises all over my face.
10:09I found out that my brother's dad wasn't my real father when I was like in third grade, I want
10:17to say.
10:17And it didn't really come as a shock to me.
10:20I really didn't care.
10:21At this point, he had already assaulted me.
10:24So a few of my feelings for him as a father died just a while back.
10:29And so when my mother was finally like, hey, like so-and-so isn't your real father, your father.
10:35I found your real father and he wants to get to know you.
10:38I was like, okay, cool.
10:41I don't really care.
10:42I don't really care to get to know my biological father either.
10:45The abuse just kept getting worse.
10:47Not ever at one point did it get better.
10:49There was never a moment where things were okay.
10:52Things just like as the years went by, things were just worse and worse.
10:56Like she was just more comfortable with putting her hands on me.
10:58She was more comfortable belittling me, abusing me verbally and mentally.
11:03So after I had the courage to tell my mother that he assaulted me, a year or two later, she
11:10finally divorced him.
11:11But it wasn't because he was abusive.
11:14It wasn't because he assaulted me.
11:16It was because she found another man that she wanted to marry.
11:19And so she found this boyfriend and she then really became neglectful.
11:24We were living on our own.
11:26It was just my mother and my siblings.
11:28And she started seeing this guy.
11:30And she would send my brothers to their dad's house for months on end.
11:35I remember she sent them over there for the whole summer one time.
11:40And because I wasn't his, I wasn't sent over there.
11:43Not because he assaulted me, but because I wasn't his biological daughter.
11:47And while my brothers were with their dad and I was with my mom, she would be gone for days.
11:53And at this point, I was like 13, 14.
11:55And she'd be gone for days sleeping over at her new boyfriend's house.
11:59And I had nothing to eat.
12:01I had no curfew.
12:03So I was coming home at like seven in the morning.
12:05I'd leave at like five and come home at seven in the morning.
12:09And at this point, I started dating.
12:11I was dating guys and they were significantly older than me.
12:16I was dating the 16 year old when I was about 12, 13.
12:20And I would go see him when my mom would be gone for days because there was no one to
12:25tell me no.
12:27I would come home with hickeys on my neck and my mother would get upset.
12:30But then she'd be like, oh, whatever.
12:32It's fine.
12:33Like, I'm doing the same thing you are.
12:35She was neglectful, but she was also very inappropriate.
12:39And because I was out here dating guys that were so much older than me, using me for sex.
12:45And I was just a child.
12:47I wasn't even fully a teenager yet.
12:49After this, we move in with her boyfriend and we move to Lewiston.
12:54It's pretty far from Logan.
12:56It's about an hour drive and it's in the middle of nowhere.
12:59There's no convenience store.
13:01There's no mall.
13:03And at this point, I was in my freshman year.
13:07I was 14 and I was so depressed.
13:11I starved myself every day.
13:13I would go three days without eating sometimes.
13:16And then when I would eat a meal, I would throw it all up because my body just couldn't handle
13:21having a meal with so much calories.
13:23And because I was just so depressed, I couldn't eat.
13:25I would go to school once, maybe twice a week.
13:29I made it a habit to cross the street when I would get to school to not look both ways,
13:34hoping I would get hit by a car.
13:36But one day I had just turned 15 and I was walking to school and I was thinking about how
13:43much I wanted to end my life.
13:45Then something in my head just clicked and I was like, but there's other ways.
13:50I don't have to live like this.
13:52Like, I'm right.
13:52I don't have to live like this, but I don't have to die.
13:55I remember thinking about every possibility.
13:59I was like, okay, so what can I do to get out of this?
14:01I finally, somehow, I don't know, the universe was just really on my side this day, but I convinced my
14:09mother to take me to therapy.
14:10In therapy, of course, my therapist asks if I've ever been assaulted or abused in any shape, way or form.
14:18And I, it was on a piece of paper and I remember marking yes for every single form of abuse.
14:24And he was a mandated reporter.
14:26I didn't know that at the time.
14:27And he said he had to report this and I remember thinking, oh my God, my mother's going to beat
14:32the living out of me as soon as she finds out.
14:36But I'm ready for it.
14:38I'm ready to take the blows.
14:40Like, she had beat me up before.
14:42Like, it wasn't anything new.
14:43I kind of expected it.
14:44So I was like, I'm ready for whatever, for whatever comes.
14:47I have nothing to lose.
14:48And so then they reported it.
14:50The Child Justice System Center in Logan called my mother a few days later.
14:56And said, hey, your daughter is saying that she's been sexually abused.
15:02Do you know about this?
15:03My mother said yes.
15:05She admitted to knowing about it.
15:06And they were like, well, don't you want to report it?
15:09And she was like, yeah, sure.
15:11I can report it.
15:12The night before this meeting, my mother goes, she gets really upset with me over something really small.
15:17I didn't close her door the way she wanted me to close it.
15:21So she comes into my room and she's screaming her head off.
15:25She's yelling at me.
15:26She's like, you don't do anything.
15:27You just, you don't help me with the kids, which was a lie.
15:30I always helped her with the kids.
15:32And she's just like belittling me.
15:34And she goes, tomorrow when we go talk to the investigator, I want you to tell them you want a
15:39different family.
15:40And if you decide that you don't want a different family and you stay with me, I'm going to make
15:44your life a living hell.
15:45And I just remember thinking, it's already hell.
15:48Like, what do you mean?
15:49I'm already miserable.
15:51I hate my life.
15:53I hate waking up to you.
15:54I hate waking up in this room that was a boiler room attached to her house.
16:00It was a shed.
16:01So I was like, okay, I'm doing it.
16:04And so the next day we go and we're there again for the sexual abuse by my father.
16:10And they go, well, since there's no proof because it happened so long ago, are you willing to make a
16:16phone call and have him admit to the abuse that he did to you?
16:20And I remember thinking, hell no.
16:22I haven't spoken to this man in three years.
16:24And they go, okay, like, it's fine.
16:26Like, that is up to you.
16:27And then I was like, well, do you guys know anything about the foster system?
16:32Because I'm really looking forward to getting into that because I need to get out of my situation now.
16:38I just was like, because my mom is also abusing me.
16:42Like, I didn't just get abused by my father.
16:44My mother was also abusing me.
16:45And she still currently abuses me.
16:47She had asked if I had any proof of bruises or anything.
16:51And I said, no, I didn't.
16:53Because I didn't think to take pictures of the abuse.
16:57And unfortunately, she was like, then I can't remove you.
17:01There's no proof.
17:03So we can't do anything about it.
17:05The caseworker, luckily, again, the universe was on my side during this moment of my life because she took me
17:12serious from the very beginning.
17:14She just saw something in me and knew that I wasn't lying.
17:18And she did everything in her power to make sure I did not go home that night.
17:24And sure enough, I didn't.
17:25I never went back.
17:27So I end up in DT because they didn't have a foster home that was available at the time.
17:33And I stayed there for almost a whole month.
17:38I was actually looking forward to what the next day was going to bring.
17:42It was super scary.
17:44It was very scary for weeks.
17:45I think I even developed IBS because of it all.
17:49Like, I was just so nervous all the time.
17:51They were like, okay, well, this is what it's going to look like.
17:55You're going to have to be here for a while until we can find you a home.
17:58But unfortunately, I wasn't a ward of the state just yet because my mother, they couldn't take her rights away
18:05since, again, there was no proof of the abuse.
18:09So she still had half her rights over me.
18:13Then one day, my caseworker shows up and she goes, your mother didn't give up half her rights.
18:21And even though I wanted to be away from my mom and even though she was just this horrible human
18:27being, I've never experienced so much heartbreak before.
18:31Because she was my mom and I knew she was horrible, but like, she was my mother.
18:38And what kind of mom gives up on her children?
18:41She just willingly handed over her rights and she didn't even fight for them.
18:45She was just like, no problem.
18:47Here you go.
18:48But at the same time, I was so relieved.
18:50So it was a really weird and confusing feeling.
18:53I was happy, but I was so devastated.
18:56But I knew it was for the better.
18:58I finally, after a month of being in DT, I hear back from my permanent caseworker that they found a
19:06home out in Lewiston.
19:08And I had specifically asked them.
19:10I did not want to be placed in the same town that my mother was going to be in, in
19:14case I ever ran into her.
19:15But it was the only home they could find.
19:17So I gave in because the family seemed like they were a really nice family.
19:24And so I go with them.
19:25I don't know how they passed a background check, but my foster dad was a predator.
19:31I don't know if he served jail time for this, but he got suspended from his teaching job at a
19:36high school
19:36because he was caught sleeping with a prior student from the year before in his classroom.
19:42It wasn't until a year into living with them that they officially finally did get a divorce.
19:46But within that year that they were still together, my foster dad ended up grooming me
19:52and was also trying to see how far he could get with me.
19:56He would come into my room at night and he would place his hand on my thigh.
20:00And every single night it would get like a little higher up, a little higher up.
20:04Or he knew that I had really bad PTSD to the point where I would just jolt whenever somebody would
20:09even brush up next to me.
20:10And he would purposely come up from behind me and grab my shoulder or grab my lower back or grab
20:17my arm,
20:18knowing that it startled me really bad.
20:20But I think it was his way of seeing how far he could get with me.
20:24I think he finally realized that he wouldn't have been able to get very far because he ended up stopping
20:29those behaviors.
20:30He just groomed me until they brought in another foster girl who was exactly my age.
20:37And he ended up taking things further with her and spent time in jail, but for only seven days.
20:42They officially got a divorce.
20:44The wife moved out and I went with her and her biological daughter.
20:48And she just ends up, oh my gosh, just being the exact same way my mother was.
20:54She was just very manipulative, just pathetic of a woman.
20:57It was just insane.
21:00I stayed with her for about another year after a failed adoption.
21:03She wanted to adopt me, but she was too stingy with her money.
21:08And so she was like, I can't keep you.
21:10Which was fine because I wasn't very fond of her after that whole situation to begin with.
21:14I just knew I needed to stay there because I could potentially go somewhere worse.
21:18So I'll just stay put with where I'm at because it's still better than what I was leaving.
21:23Finally, I moved homes again and I'm with a new lady.
21:27And this time we moved out of Lewiston and we were basically back in Logan.
21:32I wouldn't really necessarily say things were okay for a while because almost right off the bat,
21:36she expected me to be part of the family.
21:39She expected me to treat her like she was my mother.
21:41She expected me to like view them as my family, her kids as my siblings.
21:46And I just was like, I cannot.
21:48I already have a family and I'm not with them for a reason.
21:52And like, I already have a mother.
21:54You're not my, you're not going to ever be my mother.
21:56And she was also very controlling and very manipulative.
22:00Like we did have our moments where things were okay.
22:03And I really, really enjoyed our conversations and the advice she would give me.
22:07But also part of me felt like she expected me to get on my hands and knees and kiss her
22:13feet for saving my life.
22:14I think she just had her own issues that she needed to deal with.
22:19And I just don't think she was the best fit for a foster mom.
22:22So then again, I ended up moving foster homes again.
22:25And I meet these new parents and right off the bat, I'm like, hey, listen, I don't want to get
22:32attached.
22:32I'm not going to get attached.
22:34I'm not looking to get adopted.
22:35I'm almost 18 at this point.
22:36And I just, I want to get out of the situation, but I legally can't.
22:41So I just need a place to stay.
22:43During this time, I was also dating my long-term ex-boyfriend.
22:47He was finally my age.
22:49He was finally someone closer to my age.
22:51And it was a very abusive, toxic situation.
22:55I was with him for almost four years.
22:57It was very, very abusive.
22:59And after just a few months, they were the most sweetest people I have ever met.
23:07They were so caring and so patient.
23:11They didn't really know how to handle me.
23:13I was one of their very first foster kids, if not their very first foster kid.
23:17And I was 17, so I was older.
23:20And I had my own car.
23:22I had my own phone.
23:23I had a job.
23:24I was very responsible.
23:25I was super independent.
23:26And I almost instantly kind of fell in love with them.
23:31I was just like, oh my gosh, you guys are, I think, exactly what I need.
23:35You guys are so, so patient with me.
23:37I think I do want to be adopted.
23:39But I'm almost 18.
23:42And I prefer to age out of the system.
23:44And then you can adopt me as an adult.
23:46And so that's what we agreed on.
23:48And they adopted me.
23:50That's really when things took a huge turn for me and made me really open up to her.
23:56As my mother.
23:57Like, she is who I view as my mom today.
23:59That's when I was like, okay, I need to do better.
24:02Like, I got myself out of a situation.
24:04I can do it again.
24:06So I finally did.
24:07I went to rehab.
24:08I sobered up.
24:09And I finally left that toxic relationship.
24:12Broke me down so much as a person.
24:14But I finally broke up with him.
24:16And then went to rehab.
24:17I just start working on myself.
24:19I realize that it all starts within me.
24:22It starts with my attitude.
24:23It starts with my mindset.
24:25And that I need to love who I am.
24:28I started going to therapy.
24:30I started getting on meds.
24:31I was doing so much self-love and self-healing and inner child healing.
24:37A year later, I'm on Bumble.
24:39And I'm scrolling on this dating app.
24:42And I come across somebody's profile.
24:45And we start seeing each other.
24:49And after two years, he proposes.
24:52And I become his wife.
24:54A year after proposing, we decide that we do want to be parents.
24:58He is just a two-month-old baby today.
25:01I'm sharing my story because when I was growing up, the things that mostly saved me were hearing stories like
25:10mine.
25:10Hearing that I wasn't alone.
25:12And I think it starts with people like us, like who talk, who have gone through these things and are
25:17now saying,
25:18yeah, this is how I feel.
25:20And this is how it's affecting how I am as a mother.
25:22And I think everybody should be able to acknowledge it because it only makes you better.
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