How I Overcame My Child Abuse: Jessie May's Story

Unfiltered Stories

Welcome back to Unfiltered Stories! Today's guest is Jessie May, who will tell us about her unfortunate story. Jessie and her brother were abused as children from an early age and then placed in several foster homes where they experienced lots of abuse problems. Listen to how she overcame her abuse!   #UnfilteredStories #TrueStory #Inspiring   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.  Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.    🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00My name is Jessie May and I'm a survivor of child abuse and the foster care system.

00:04My parents separated when I was very young. When my mother had somebody come into the home to start

00:11helping, she trusted her brother to be the one to care for us kids. Unfortunately, that brother

00:17had problems. He had undiagnosed medical conditions. He was just adamant. You had to do

00:23certain things. We had to lay in the position on the bed, arms by our sides, legs straight, looking

00:29up, not making any noises. And that was our punishment. Mike would start to spank us. And I

00:35remember hearing my little brother crying. I stood outside the door and I could hear him being hit

00:43over and over and over again. I remember going to our father's house that night. My little brother

00:49was fidgeting in his seat. I remember my dad who was very like proper and like you sit at the

00:54table

00:55and you behave properly and have manners. And then I broke in and I said, dad, there's a reason. I

01:00looked at my brother in the face and I said, John, go and show him. I remember him getting on

01:04the phone

01:04right away. So he called the ministry December 20th, 1993. When we first went into care, I remember

01:12being so confused. We're with strangers. We were not allowed to see either one of our parents. We had

01:19to change schools. We had to change so many different things in a very short period of time.

01:24So the first foster family, I was just feeling like I was abandoned and I took it out on them.

01:30I was moved with my little brother. Now the second home, there were more problems. The daughter

01:36actually had a bladder problem and I had to share the room with her. Her mother would come in and

01:41verbally abuse her every single morning. She was always yelling. There was always something. We were

01:47always doing something wrong. That was the very first time I ran away. They moved us again. We

01:52went into the third home. Now this third home is where the most damage was done. And I stopped

01:59talking. This foster parent, single mom with two boys. I idolized her and I was grasping. I was hoping

02:07for love. I opened up my heart to this family. In a very short period of time, her eldest son

02:14started to

02:14molest me. He had such a very commanding presence. He was a bigger boy. It was when we were all

02:22supposed

02:22to be sleeping at night. I remember that even though I was a girl and they were boys, we were

02:28still

02:28allowed to sleep together. So I remember waking up and him having his hands on me. And I remember

02:36freezing, not knowing what to do. I was feeling like I was a different person. At the beginning,

02:43I remember feeling like I was not worth it. I was a little girl and I was just like, I

02:49knew that it

02:50wasn't right. And I remember just feeling like this is, this is going to be my life. I'd always try

02:56to

02:57pretend like I was sleeping because I didn't know how to confront him. As things progressed and time went

03:05on, he would do it when I was awake. And this is when I verbally would tell him, no, don't

03:11touch me.

03:11I don't want to be touched. Leave me alone. I would no longer sleep with everybody else. I would sleep

03:18in my own room. I wouldn't participate in any of the kids stuff. He would still find me. One time

03:25I

03:26woke up and I was in my room and he was right beside my bed. That was upstairs across the

03:33hall from my

03:33foster parents' room. I had told my foster mother what had happened. And she told me in that living

03:41room that it is natural and kids are curious and just say no. He was doing this in front of

03:47other

03:48people. I remember Alexa, my foster mother's niece, she had come to visit that day and they went running

03:55upstairs and like complained to them. My foster parents, they never came downstairs. And again,

04:00there was never any reports made to MCFD. I just stopped talking entirely. We were having a sleep

04:08over. I woke up in pain. I went to the bathroom and there was blood on the paper and I

04:16hadn't had my

04:17period yet. I was between 11 and 12 years old. And I remember thinking that I had been raped.

04:25And that sat with me for many years. I tried to talk to everybody that I felt were the people

04:31to

04:31talk to. You know, my foster parent who I actually did look at like a second mother. I had that

04:38Stockholm Syndrome kind of thing going on where I was loving the person that was hurting me. I felt so

04:46confused and manipulated and used that I tried so hard to just be okay with everything and just put on

04:54a

04:54face and pretend like everything was fine. Inside I was dying. What really started the end to me being

05:03in that foster home was the allegation that was made. There was another little boy who lived in the home,

05:10who was my foster father's son. He was younger than my brother. I remember his mother, who was a social

05:18worker, going to the cops and saying, hey, something's happening to my kid. I remember getting a phone call

05:24from my social worker, Zoe Ayer. And I remember her asking me on the phone if anything had happened to

05:31me.

05:31There was somebody listening on the other line, which was Heidi. MCFD had given her permission to review and be

05:38on the phone for any

05:39call that ever went into the house. So here Zoe is on the other phone saying, hey, did Heidi's son

05:47ever

05:47hurt you? Did he ever touch you? Did any of this stuff ever happened? I remember denying it, saying, nope,

05:54nope, nothing, nothing, nothing, everything's fine. And then I heard the click on the phone. She hung up.

05:59The policy and procedure is if there is any allegation, a child is supposed to be removed from the home

06:04until

06:05the allegations are figured to be of merit or not. Right? That never happened. We were driven by

06:12the foster mother to RCMP station to make our statement. During that drive to the police station,

06:20we were guilt tripped. We had to be very careful about what we said because everybody is getting

06:25separated and, you know, the family is getting broken up and, you know, that we can figure out a

06:32way to make it all work. Just please don't break up my family. So I remember going into the police

06:38station and sitting down to make my statement and just saying, no, nothing ever happened. Nothing

06:44ever happened. Now, I remember saying, though, in that statement that the kid wouldn't lie. I couldn't

06:51say anything for myself, but for Chase, I said he would have no reason to lie. Within the short period

06:58of

06:58time is when my social worker asked me to be a part of the question panel. It was for 52

07:06lawyers and

07:07judges from all across the province who wanted to come and discuss being a foster child and the

07:13different dynamics and how it affected us. They basically more or less wanted to understand if we

07:18were mature enough at our ages to make a proper rational decision on where we wanted to live. If we

07:25were in a custodial battle against the MCFD, we went through this panel and at the end of everything,

07:32they changed the law. Okay. They changed it from 16 years old to 13, the new year. There's some serious

07:40conflict in the house. My foster mother, her son has assaulted so many other kids. My foster father's son

07:48is the one who made the allegation. And me and my brother, who was also assaulted, were in the middle.

07:55I remember going upstairs and having a conversation with my foster father. And I remember him sitting

08:03in there. He was just distraught. He's just like, I just don't know what to do. He was so

08:09confused. And I remember still not being able to tell him, but I remember telling him that your son

08:16wouldn't lie. And that's all I could tell to him. I couldn't go into anything more. I remember crying.

08:24I remember feeling like I was letting Chase down. I felt like I was letting my brother down and myself

08:32because I couldn't talk about it. I was in that frozen state all over again. I remember packing my bag

08:41and jumping out my window. That's exactly how I ran away. I never went back to that home. I

08:49instinctually wanted to go back home to my mother. She has no idea about what had actually happened in

08:54the home. Okay. So she was just like, okay, I want to protect my daughter and we're got to go

09:00through

09:00this the right way. Finally, Zoe got a hold of my mother again. And Zoe said, well, your daughter

09:07helped change the law. She's going to be 13 in six weeks. There's no point in coming to get her

09:12because she can make the decision to move in with you in six weeks time. So we're just going to

09:18let

09:18her stay with you. The ministry never gave my mom my child support until she had full custody. So my

09:26mother survived with me being home for the first four months on whatever income she had. April 21st

09:34was a very monumental day for me. The night before I had opened up to my sister about what happened

09:41to

09:41me in foster care was the day I found my voice again. And I was able to tell my sister

09:48what

09:48happened to me. It was the first time I felt I had the courage to share the story. My sister

09:53went to my

09:54mom right away. And my mother, I just remember the look on her face and it was just, this isn't

10:00going

10:00down. And she got on the phone and called RCMP right away and nothing. My mother kept calling

10:08them like, hey, we need to get my daughter to make a statement here. What's going on? My mother

10:14remembered a police officer actually hanging up on her and saying, you're putting these words in your

10:21daughter's mouth. We don't believe you. Zoe said the same thing to my mother. You're putting the words

10:27in her mouth. This never happened. We talked and she said nothing ever happened. My mother

10:34was denied, denied, denied, denied, insulted, told that she was breaking the law by creating this story

10:45for me to be sharing. She called the local MLA. She called Sue Hamill and shared her story. And Sue

10:53Hamill, believe me, she said, you know what, this isn't right. If there is ever an allegation,

11:01it has to be checked out. They have to take a statement. That's not the police officer who's taking

11:08your statement who decides whether it's true or not. It's a judge and a jury, okay? The RCMP finally did

11:14in fact take my statement. April 21st, that was the official start to my file. In September of 1999,

11:23he was charged and convicted of sexual assault to myself and of the other minor child who had made

11:32the original allegation. I am 14 years old. I had a subpoena to be a witness and I had to

11:40go up on stand

11:41and I had to go through every single detail in front of a room filled with strangers, in front of

11:48my foster parents, in front of the defendant, the boy that assaulted me multiple times by himself and

11:57with friends. I had to stand there and tell the truth about what happened to me in front of my

12:04social

12:04worker who was supposed to be on my side and was sitting on theirs. I had the ultimate betrayal of

12:11trust. Authority figures constantly telling me that I'm making things up and I'm creating falsehoods and

12:19I'm destroying people's lives when nobody asked about how mine was being destroyed. Nobody asked me

12:25what I was going through. After I stood on stand and answered all these questions and basically was

12:33put to question if I had enticed this kind of behavior and I had created all of these things

12:39as a small child. I was nine when it started, remind you, okay? Nine years old. I'm a little girl.

12:45To have

12:45this defense lawyer come at me with these questions, it was one of the hardest things I've ever been

12:52through in my life. At the very end of everything, I sat in the front pew on my side and

12:58I looked up at

12:59this judge and he was making his judgment, his sentencing. And I remember him saying very clearly,

13:06there were so many things going on that he was really unsure. And then he said, but when Miss

13:13Mickey got up on stand and she shared what happened to her, he said he knew without a doubt that

13:21it had

13:21happened. And he gave me that justice. And he said, enough is enough. But he was the first person of

13:30some sort of authority that believed me. He was sentenced to a year and a half of open house custody

13:37that he was not allowed to be with minors under a certain age. He wasn't allowed to go to parks.

13:46And because he was a minor, as long as he did not reoffend, it would stay basically sealed. Where is

13:53he going

13:53to be living with Heidi, his groomer, his helper, his person that helped facilitate all of this to

14:01happen? A child who was involved that I believe, you know, through many years of my own personal

14:06counseling and such, I feel like maybe something happened to him. There's a reason why this little

14:12young person is doing these things to the same sex as well, not just girls, but boys. And boys were

14:20like

14:20the predominance. That's what he did more of. We went through the courts, stamp on the thing,

14:25you were convicted. Nothing else was done after that. For my family, for myself, for my brother.

14:33I made my statement in April. He stayed in that home until July of that year, months after the

14:40allegation. There's no help for my family. There was no help for me. There was like, hey, do you need

14:45counseling? Do you need somebody who's not involved to get involved? Like, please, what do you need?

14:52How can we help you? There was none of that. Victims Compensation Act, you have to have a conviction

14:57to be entitled to these benefits, okay? I charge and convict and there was no victim compensation for me.

15:05There was no help. We're failed. We got a systematic fail here, okay? Many other things happened to me

15:12before I started to get better. I was on the streets. I ran away from my mom because she tried

15:21so much

15:22to love me that it was overbearing. I felt like, how could she love me? I didn't understand that love

15:30of a mother is unconditional. I don't want this attention. Like, I feel unworthy of it. I felt angry

15:37and resentful. And I took it out on everybody. And again, these are tools that should have been

15:44taught, that should have been shared for the interpersonal relationships that I had,

15:50how to have healthy boundaries, how to have proper foundations. None of this was ever taught. I never

15:56had a sex education talk. I never had somebody telling me what's the appropriate behaviors to have

16:03between the sexes. I just felt like a target. I felt like I was just one of those people that

16:10was just going to keep having things happen to them. 2002, I am in a horrific car accident.

16:17I died and was brought back with CPR. I woke up from a coma. I was in life support for

16:24four days.

16:24I have a brain injury. My body's broken. And I don't know who the hell I am. Up until that

16:31point,

16:31I had always questioned God because I thought, how could he love me if I go through all this?

16:37And I woke up from this accident and I knew that God loved me. I knew that God was with

16:43me. There

16:43is no words to describe what I went through in that hospital bed. Okay. There, there isn't. It's just

16:51the feeling, that feeling of unconditional love, the warmth that I felt and the knowledge that I had to

16:59get up and I had to get better, that I had to find my strength and that there was more

17:04to my story.

17:05I just remember one step in front of the next. Just keep going. Just keep trying. I had the

17:13unconditional love from my family who kept trying regardless of me fighting them and pushing them

17:19away. My family kept coming. Slowly as time went on, I just started to build as a person. On the

17:27seventh

17:27year, I was asked to be a part of Miss Universe Canada. And this is after I had, you know,

17:35gone

17:35through, I traveled the world. I'd been involved in lots of different things. And I was just like

17:41flying by the seat of my pants. I had no coaching. I had no manager. I had no help. I

17:47was just like,

17:48sure. You want to do it? Let's go. Let's go get it done. So 2009, I was accepted for the

17:53pageantry. My mom

17:54was battling cancer at the time. And there was just too much emotional upheaval that I just said,

18:00you know what, I need to take a break on this. I did soul searching. I saw that Eat, Pray,

18:05Love movie with Julia Roberts. And I literally did that. I went to Thailand. I went to Bali. I went

18:13to

18:13St. Lucia and Cuba and like all these different countries. And I was soul searching, trying to

18:19identify who I am, what I want, what's my path. 2011, I remember contacting our Canadian director.

18:28And I asked him, I said, Dennis, I said, it's been two years since we last talked. But I said,

18:35I'm ready

18:35now. And I remember him saying, where do we meet? There were so many beautiful things that happened

18:41within that course of running for the pageant that taught me what I was supposed to be doing.

18:48It was to reach out. This is exactly why I've gone through everything in my life that I have.

18:56And I'm able to share it like a story because the past is over and the future is what we

19:03make it,

19:03right? We were taken to a high school and then we're going to choose a special person tomorrow.

19:07And we'll let you know. So think about this, what you want to talk to them about.

19:12I remember going into the audience, like we go in, we're all standing there, all of us delegates.

19:18And Andrew's like, oh, and then everybody's done. And thank you so much for that. But we have one

19:22special guest speaker and she's coming from New Westminster. Please welcome Jessie Mae Broadhurst.

19:29My heart stopped holding the mic and talking to these kids. I just went for it. Talking to them about

19:36being their age and being in a school just like theirs, but being a foster kid and having nobody

19:45really pay attention to me or feel like I was part of the it crowd. I felt like I was

19:51bullied a lot.

19:52I felt like I was, you know, the black sheep. I remember all these kids eyes just start to come

19:59and look at me. And I remember telling them at the end of everything, like talk to your parents,

20:05talk to your teachers, talk to anybody that will listen. If there's a problem in the end,

20:11you only have yourself to count on. Nobody can help you get through life, but yourself.

20:16That was God allowing me to just share what was in my heart. That's always been one of my proudest

20:21moments. So when I ran for Miss Universe Canada, I ran from my home province of New Westminster,

20:29British Columbia, and I walked that stage with pride. I had both of my parents in the audience

20:36and I finished that knowing that I completed something for the first time in my life.

20:41I feel that sharing my story is important because awareness is key. Me sharing about what happened to me

20:49is not for anything other than to help somebody else find their way. There are too many children

20:57from yesteryears who are now adults who are continuing the cycle, who are creating hardships

21:05for other people because they haven't healed themselves. I became a mom of a little girl

21:10and it changed everything for me. The things that happened to me would never happen to my kid.

21:16My advice for anybody that has gone through the things that I have lightly talked about is to

21:23find your peace. Find what gives you the calmness in your heart, that gives you that feeling of

21:35justice. You don't have to go through court. You don't have to go through all those extenuating

21:40circumstances, but you have to find it within yourself because if you don't find it within yourself,

21:46your life is just going to be filled with trauma. You're going to consistently have things keep

21:52happening because you are vulnerable and you are in a victim standpoint still. So until you actually deal

22:01with it and handle it and own it, you're always going to stay in that state and you can write

22:07it off with

22:10all and lifestyle and, you know, always jet setting and always being a part of the party.

22:17But you know what? It's all going to slow down one day. And at that day, if you're prepared,

22:23you're going to be able to handle it or you're not. This is the best advice I can ever give

22:28you is stop

22:30running, find yourself, whatever way that is, because those are going to be your first steps of life.

22:36For you who's watching this story, I just want you to know in your heart that you're special,

22:44that anything that's ever happened to you, there is good too. And there's more to come. And you have

22:52to believe in yourself because that's the start to a beautiful future. It's you. It's got to be you.

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