Comedic roast/review of the gloriously awkward Dallas Cowboys Christmas album from the mid-80s (1985 "Dallas Cowboys Christmas" and 1986 follow-up) – where America's Team traded helmets for microphones! QB Danny White (yes, the actual starting quarterback) helped produce this holiday monstrosity, roping in teammates, Coach Tom Landry (!), and producer Chris Christian for a mix of butchered classics and original gems.Highlights of the cringe: "I Don't Want to Be Home for Christmas" – the Cowboys croon about preferring playoffs over family time (peak football denial energy – awkward lyrics + off-key group singing = comedy gold). The video? Grainy 80s VHS vibes with players in sweaters looking like they'd rather be tackling someone.
"Christmas in Dallas" – a custom ode to holiday cheer in Texas, delivered with all the soul of a post-game press conference. More forced harmonies, bad production, and that unmistakable "we're athletes, not singers" charm.
Coach Landry deadpan-joining on a "Twelve Days of Christmas" parody? Silent Bob energy meets holiday caroling – surreal.
Why did Danny White spearhead this? From retrospectives/interviews: He was the idea guy/producer – likely a fun team-bonding/charity thing during the mid-80s (post-dynasty slump era), plus 80s sports teams loved novelty cash-grabs/merch (think NBA Christmas albums too). It raised money (probably for charity/team promo), but mostly it's remembered as peak awkward 80s relic – think low-budget MTV rejects with shoulder pads.I laugh through the off-key warbling, the earnest-but-terrible vocals, the dated synths, and the sheer "what were they thinking?" factor. Is it bad? Yes. Is it hilariously endearing? Also yes – pure 80s sports novelty cheese!
#DallasCowboysChristmas #80sChristmasAlbum #DallasCowboys #DannyWhite #IDontWantToBeHomeForChristmas #ChristmasInDallas #AwkwardHolidayMusic #TomLandry #80sNovelty #SportsChristmas #FunnyChristmasRoast #CowboysChristmas
"Christmas in Dallas" – a custom ode to holiday cheer in Texas, delivered with all the soul of a post-game press conference. More forced harmonies, bad production, and that unmistakable "we're athletes, not singers" charm.
Coach Landry deadpan-joining on a "Twelve Days of Christmas" parody? Silent Bob energy meets holiday caroling – surreal.
Why did Danny White spearhead this? From retrospectives/interviews: He was the idea guy/producer – likely a fun team-bonding/charity thing during the mid-80s (post-dynasty slump era), plus 80s sports teams loved novelty cash-grabs/merch (think NBA Christmas albums too). It raised money (probably for charity/team promo), but mostly it's remembered as peak awkward 80s relic – think low-budget MTV rejects with shoulder pads.I laugh through the off-key warbling, the earnest-but-terrible vocals, the dated synths, and the sheer "what were they thinking?" factor. Is it bad? Yes. Is it hilariously endearing? Also yes – pure 80s sports novelty cheese!
#DallasCowboysChristmas #80sChristmasAlbum #DallasCowboys #DannyWhite #IDontWantToBeHomeForChristmas #ChristmasInDallas #AwkwardHolidayMusic #TomLandry #80sNovelty #SportsChristmas #FunnyChristmasRoast #CowboysChristmas
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Merry Christmas, everybody!
00:02Yeah, we're in that time of the year
00:04where everybody's thinking football,
00:08thinking Christmas,
00:09and thinking,
00:10hey, what if I combine the two?
00:13Okay, you'd have to be a madman to think about combining the two,
00:16because every time they do that,
00:18weird stuff happens.
00:19Like when the Dallas Cowboys decided,
00:23let's make Christmas music.
00:25What was your record that year?
00:27It could have been worse, John.
00:28Well, that sucks.
00:30Yeah, they probably should have focused more on football
00:33than caroling,
00:34but they didn't,
00:35and now I get to reap all the benefits from it.
00:39These videos have not left my brain.
00:41First, we have Christmas in Dallas.
00:52Am I alone in being creeped out by this doll outside?
00:56Rocky Mountains have their beauty covered with snow.
01:03Buddy, wake up, okay?
01:06Show a little excitement.
01:08California has its sun.
01:12Chicago winds blow.
01:14Uh, did they burn out all their energy on the other song?
01:17Because they are so monotone right now.
01:20There's one thing for certain.
01:24I don't think anybody even wants to be here.
01:27This guy probably just woke up.
01:29He put the shades on because he doesn't want you to see them.
01:32When it comes Christmas time.
01:34But he wants you to think that he's cool while he performs.
01:38But also, he's probably on like two hours of sleep.
01:42There is no home better than this great town of mine.
01:49Everybody, everybody, we're doing a Christmas record.
01:52I want to see big smiles, big smiles.
01:55Christmas in Dallas.
01:59Downtown is shining bright.
02:01Come on, guys.
02:03These are the kids.
02:04Yeah, there we go.
02:05Everyone's happy now.
02:07The place I'd rather be letting.
02:10What's everybody staring at?
02:12Did somebody like record them and say,
02:15I'm watching from a distance.
02:16I have cameras everywhere.
02:18If you're not performing the song,
02:20I'm cutting you.
02:22Don't even care if you're a good player.
02:23I'm cutting you.
02:25Is it like a psychotic person running this whole event?
02:35Is it being run by the very same guy in that episode of Community
02:39where they did the Glee parody?
02:41Guys, I am swelling with pride.
02:45You stepped up and you saved the Christmas pageant.
02:48And you find out, well, his whole team,
02:52they died in an accident that he caused
02:55because they weren't singing hard enough.
02:58They weren't practicing.
02:59Christmas in Dallas is my favorite time of year.
03:06The Cowboys need to be ready for regionals.
03:08Next stop, regionals.
03:10What the hell are regionals?
03:12New York in December has a charm of its own.
03:18So if this is based on the 85 season or the 86 season, both seasons,
03:23it was November when Dallas would go up to New York,
03:27and they lost both of those games.
03:28Houston's close but can't compare to what I have known.
03:35Danny White would win only one more game that season after four straight home losses.
03:42Christmas in Dallas indeed.
03:45I'll be home in Dallas with all my family.
03:52They're gonna be at home with their family.
03:54Hopefully you're going home to Terrell, not practice.
03:58Christmas in Dallas.
04:03Downtown is shining bright.
04:05Oh, that's nice.
04:06At least their family's got to come on set.
04:09There is no other place.
04:11Straighten up, son.
04:13Fix your posture.
04:14You're humiliating dad on his charity promotional music video.
04:20Okay, buddy.
04:21I think you just got almost hit in the face with a snowflake.
04:24But don't yell at your kid.
04:26It's gonna break everybody down.
04:27It's gonna make it super awkward when we do the rest of this Christmas video.
04:32So just be natural.
04:34Is that the same model Santa animatronic that was beating up Chris the storekeep on that episode of Kenan and
04:41Kel?
04:42You remember when they had a Christmas special?
04:45Christmas in Dallas is my favorite time of year.
04:51Guys, just be natural. All of you.
04:53Whether there is snow covering the ground.
05:00To put this in context, he's singing about snow on the ground in Dallas.
05:06You know what Dallas averages a year in snow?
05:08One friggin' inch.
05:10You are not singing about some frozen tundra.
05:13But props on that sweet jacket.
05:15There's one thing I know.
05:19There is no better.
05:21Somebody here's attempting to hit a note.
05:23Place I have ever found.
05:27And no.
05:32Wow.
05:33We got graphics.
05:38And sky lasers.
05:40And it made the Pegasus gas station logo for some reason.
05:46Now we have, I don't want to be home Christmas this year.
05:50So instead of doing actual football drills, they dragged all these guys to come to the studio and sing.
05:57Most people go home Christmas and decorate the tree.
06:04This song doesn't even make sense.
06:06December 22nd, 1985, you lost to the 49ers 31 to 16.
06:13You were at Candlestick Park in California.
06:16You weren't going to get snow delayed.
06:18You had three days.
06:19You could have got back home for Christmas.
06:21But staying home on Christmas means a different thing to me.
06:28They were ten and six.
06:29They were the third seed.
06:31And that gave them a bye all the way to the divisional round.
06:34Which was going to take place on January the 4th.
06:389 days after Christmas.
06:40You guys just have such a terrible home life that you know what?
06:44I don't even care if we don't actually have football.
06:47Let's talk about how much we want to play deep playoff football instead of being with our family.
06:52The timeline just doesn't add up.
06:54I don't want to be home Christmas.
06:58You said playoff time of year.
07:02How about them cowboys?
07:04How about the cowboys?
07:05It's the time of year when the winners play and others watch TV.
07:13Am I alone in my love for these headphones?
07:16I'd rather delay my Christmas if it were up to me.
07:22Great holiday message you're sending.
07:24Of being at home with your family.
07:27When the opportunity presents itself to, you know, maybe be one and done in the playoffs.
07:33I'd rather be on the sidelines with the Gatorade in here.
07:39Just tell your kid, I don't want to watch you open presents.
07:43I want to get blown out on wildcard weekend.
07:46Someday the chestnut spot apart would be perfect at Christmas time.
07:54This is not the type of squad that was going to go all the way.
07:57I'd rather be in Miami or Colorado in the snow.
08:05See Maggie, those silver and blue guys are the Dallas Cowboys.
08:09Any place that could bring me closer to one more Super Bowl.
08:15Good to see that Kevin McAllister is a lot like this Dallas Cowboy team.
08:20They don't want to be home with their family for Christmas.
08:23But ending up in Florida?
08:26Even Kevin McAllister knows that they don't have any real Christmas trees down there.
08:38But, you know, congrats on skipping out on all that family bonding.
08:44You know what the payoff was?
08:46Yeah, they got destroyed in the divisional round by the Eric Dickerson-led Rams.
08:51He ran 248 yards and had two touchdowns.
08:54And the Cowboys, they should have stayed home for Christmas.
08:57Because they didn't show up to this game.
08:59They didn't even score any points.
09:01And sucking that bad must have been contagious.
09:04Because the very next week, the Bears shut out the Rams.
09:08If I had one wish this season
09:11Would simply be one thing
09:16This is the part of the song that has never left my head.
09:19And I really think that once you see it
09:22Keep the tree and the mistletoe
09:25You're always going to think
09:27Give me that Super Bowl ring.
09:30But give me that Super Bowl ring
09:33You're being robbed in an alley.
09:35But give me that Super Bowl ring
09:37This is a team that didn't know how to tell their owner no.
09:41And you think, wow, why would Jerry do that?
09:44But Jerry didn't own the team when they did this, okay?
09:47I'd rather be on the sidelines
09:50With the Gatorade gear
09:53This has nothing to do with Jerry
09:55And his love of sizes
09:59I don't wanna be home Christmas
10:02It's that playoff time of year
10:07Feeling that Dallas Cowboy love
10:09But I don't wanna be home Christmas
10:13This year
10:16You know what?
10:17They can't sing
10:18But they're trying
10:19They are really belting this out
10:21When the season's over
10:24And the score will finally end
10:28Go Dallas Cowboys!
10:30They get an A for African
10:32A D for talent
10:34It will be another Cowboy Christmas again
10:40Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan?
10:42I'd rather be on the sidelines
10:45With the Gatorade in here
10:48Wow! A Christmas song that mentions Gatorade!
10:51Wouldn't that make every other Christmas song a lot better?
10:53All I want for Christmas is Gatorade
10:59Merry Christmas and have some Gatorade
11:04Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
11:09Oh what fun it is to have some Gatorade today!
11:21So maybe this song was actually for the 86 Cowboys
11:25They finished the season 7 and 9
11:27Their last game of the season was on December the 21st
11:30So they were actually home for Christmas
11:33You know what?
11:40Maybe they were trying to act like real professional football players
11:44That they didn't take their foot off the gas
11:46Even though they finished the season on a 5 game losing streak
11:49They were dedicated to football
11:51That's why they didn't want to be home for Christmas
11:53Even though maybe they actually did
11:56Or in Danny White's case
11:57He didn't want to be playing football
11:59Or be with his family
12:00He wanted to be in the recording studio
12:03Yet it says on this CD
12:05That he's one of the producers
12:07Or at least that's what it says on Amazon
12:09You know it was a distraction
12:10It was in the middle of the season
12:11It was our day off
12:13I went around and asked some of them
12:14Hey would you guys like to come to the studio
12:15And make this Christmas video
12:19Music video
12:20And they lit up
12:21Okay we can't be too hard on Danny White
12:24They were actually having a pretty good season
12:26Until week 9
12:28Where Danny White was knocked out by Carl Banks
12:32Hall of Famer semi-finalist Carl Banks
12:36And yeah basically that sabotaged the whole rest of the season
12:38So maybe they did want to play more deep football
12:43And not open presence
12:45And here come the New York friggin Giants
12:47And they ruined that
12:48I would give anything to have done what he did
12:50Get up on a stage
12:52And have people screaming at me
12:54While I'm singing and performing
12:56I am a frustrated musician
12:59Let's put a bow on this thing
13:02No I mean wrap up the song
13:03Not put a bow in the actual music video
13:06On the football
13:07I hope this brought a little bit of holiday cheer
13:09To you guys at home
13:10And God
13:12You know you kinda wish that the 90's cocaine cowboys
13:16Would have done this
13:17I mean Dion did music videos
13:19Michael Orvin seemed like he did everything
13:22And Troy Aikman sang okay
13:24Troy Aikman would have been game for this okay
13:27I know he would have
13:27Because he was also game for giving Hayden Fox some of his sperm
13:32Troy is gonna give us some of his sperm
13:35Kinda makes you wonder
13:36How come Jerry Jones has never tried to bring this tradition back
13:40We could have had years of Dallas Cowboy related Christmas songs
13:45Rudolph the backup quarterback
13:47Reindeer under center with a glow so grand
13:53Droppin' that ball back like Santa's hand
13:57From the North Pole straight to the field so wide
14:00Dallas lights up when Rudy's the guy
14:03Come all ye reindeer linemen
14:05Rudolph dash your pants
14:07So what do you say
14:09Lace up those cleats and make the cowboys play
14:14Blitz and set
14:15Out of the winter grind
14:19Put me on that field and I'll hold the line
14:22Rankin and Bass
14:24Tony and Dez's pickup football game
14:26Tony Robbo
14:28Des Bryant
14:29You caught Cornelius too
14:33Misty toys
14:35Are lining up
14:37It's Christmas my debut
14:40Christmas in Dallastown
14:43Oh it's Christmas in Dallas town
14:46Tony's party's world renowned
14:50Laughter echoes hearts unwind
14:53We leave the cold and cheering kind
14:57Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
15:00And of course, all Troy Aikman wants for Christmas is a concussion free season
15:06Lassie eyes and falls are through
15:09Santa were asking he's counting on you
15:12In the huddle of health, let him stand tall
15:15No more concussions, no shadows at all
15:18Christmas and the NFL, to me they're synonymous
15:20Maybe it happened the day before
15:22Like there was some big games on Christmas Eve night
15:24Or Sunday football games fell on Christmas Day
15:28Ho ho ho ho ho ho, tis the day after Christmas
15:32Ah!
15:33Oh, sorry kids
15:35But cheer up, cause it's the NFL on Fox
15:39Or it could have been on Monday Night Football
15:42So at least one team has to play tonight
15:44The Dallas Cowboys play Santa on this Christmas night
15:47The tree is adorned with ornaments bright
15:49If your holiday gifts have been quite enough
15:51Alone star Chris Kringle still has more stuff
15:53Unwrap that box labeled number 22
15:56Emmett Smith with the football is another gift for you
15:59He scored 24 touchdowns in the Super Bowl drive
16:02It's an NFL record if he gets 25
16:04Tonight you'll be getting a true football feast
16:07The Cowboys are champs of the NFC East
16:09Wow! I like this kid's Emmett Smith jersey
16:11Troy Aikman with his star so bright will lead the Cowboys offense tonight
16:15Doesn't that eight look like a snowman?
16:17Will a big game tonight be a Super Bowl omen?
16:20I mean when I was younger I had a Dion and a Troy Aikman
16:24So I feel something looking at this
16:26Christmas Day would be the day right?
16:29That's the day you can bust out all that new official NFL gear that Santa left you
16:36Julio
16:36Julio
16:38I don't have this one
16:40Thank you
16:41And Santa as far back as the 70s could have bought it at Sears
16:46Sears can help with savings of 20% on lots of officially licensed NFL apparel
16:52Like football jerseys, sweatshirts, and award jackets for boys
16:55I mean if you want to take matching family photos
16:57Just hope that the rest of your family also has matching NFL gear
17:03Dear Jen, this seemed like just the thing for your first Boston Christmas
17:07Love your in-laws Debbie and Bill
17:16That way we know you guys are a family
17:19And like if somebody is dating somebody new
17:22They're part of the family now
17:23But also at the same time keep your own individual identity?
17:27You cannot wear a Raiders jersey to my family's Christmas dinner
17:31Wait a minute, that's confusing
17:36Turn it off
17:40Just turn the lights off
17:42What am I supposed to do? Be myself or conform?
17:45Stay strong and warm
17:47Love, Dad
17:55Santa did his work
17:57Or wait, was Santa Claus just Andy Reid all along?
18:01Merry Christmas everybody
18:04Dear Santa
18:06I mean Coach Reid
18:07I got the Santa Claus trading card
18:09And I never would have guessed
18:11Was proposing to Taylor Swift
18:13A wish that Travis Kelsey made and Andy Reid helped grant it?
18:18Had I known Andy Reid was Santa Claus
18:20I would have gone up to him and said
18:22Hey Santa, you know what I want this year?
18:24The football phone
18:25The football phone
18:27Free with a paid subscription to SI
18:28Buying Christmas presents for my boyfriend
18:30Is one of the most impossible things ever
18:32Everything I get him
18:33He always wants to be turned
18:35The stores are busy
18:36The cashiers are impatient
18:38Christmas shopping is just about the only thing that wrecks the holiday season
18:41All men want a phone shaped like a football
18:44It's a telephone
18:45My goodness
18:47It's a telephone inside of a football
18:49Awesome
18:50It's a phone
18:51Yeah, I know
18:51We're not supposed to talk about our feelings
18:53But we would
18:55If we could talk about them
18:56Through a football
18:57Oh, cool
18:58I would love something like this
19:00Mom, if you're watching
19:01I would love something like this
19:02For Christmas
19:02What would we talk about?
19:04Football
19:05He's looking for the pass
19:06It's a phone call
19:08And you know what girls?
19:09You could buy this
19:10If you just got a subscription to Sports Illustrated Magazine
19:13I'll buy it for my father, my brother, and my boyfriend
19:16You only pay 99 cents an issue
19:18And the subscription includes the NFL, NBA, and baseball previews
19:22The year-end double issue
19:23And the 1991 swimsuit issue
19:25And you know what?
19:26You could do your girl math
19:27Or guy math
19:29This has got to be out of her price range though
19:31Something like this
19:32I would love to have Sports Illustrated for Christmas
19:34And I never get anything I want
19:35Sports Illustrated
19:36I should have thought of that a long time ago
19:38All I have to do is buy this for all the men in my life
19:40And I wouldn't have any problems at all
19:42Break down the numbers
19:42You get a free football phone
19:44And a year subscription
19:46Including the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue
19:49Back when that actually meant something
19:52When, you know, people got excited for it
19:55And it's what every guy wanted
19:56And the football phone is free
19:58No way
19:58It's free?
20:00Free?
20:01That's even better
20:01And I don't have to go shopping for it
20:03I hope
20:03What do I have to do to get this?
20:04I'm just saying
20:06Like my dude OJ used to say
20:07You can't go wrong with having a football phone
20:10Get Sports Illustrated for me for Christmas
20:12I want this phone
20:13Though I wonder if now
20:14If I was to go on eBay
20:15I bet I could find one
20:17Or if somebody has like modernized it
20:18So you have the football iPhone
20:21Hello Colleen
20:22This is fantastic
20:23I'm at the stadium right now
20:25I have a football phone
20:26If you liked this video
20:27Become a member of the channel
20:29The Patreon
20:29The music
20:30Well just watch this stuff
20:32And maybe the ad money comes my way
20:34Or it goes into recommendations
20:37And think about Christmas in Dallas
20:40Sounds wonderful
20:41Christmas in Dallas
20:45Is my favorite time of year
Comments