00:00People think I'm the only villain in the game, but my guest today sells pure illusion in a silver can.
00:06Welcome, you fake diet drink.
00:08Fake?
00:08Listen here, you white poison. I'm zero calories. I'm the savior for the people whose health you destroyed.
00:16Zero calories, sure, but packed with aspartame messing with their brain chemistry.
00:21At least I'm natural. I come straight from the earth.
00:24Natural?
00:25You're more addictive than actual drugs.
00:27I give them the taste of happiness without your heavy guilt trip attached.
00:31You mean fake happiness.
00:33You taste like chemicals, and in the end, they all come crawling back to me for a real mood boost.
00:40Let them crawl back until they see their next blood test results.
00:44I am the future, buddy, and your days are numbered.
00:48What future?
00:49You bloat them up with gas and make them even hungrier because their brain is starving for real energy.
00:57At least the gym bros treat me like royalty.
01:00When they see you, they run the other way like they just saw a ghost.
01:04Those gym bros sprint to me on cheat days just to feel alive.
01:07Without me, there's no chocolate, no cake, no actual joy in life.
01:12Joy in life?
01:13You mean tooth decay and a massive sugar crash an hour later.
01:17I give them the buzz with zero regrets.
01:19I am the undisputed king of every dining table.
01:23You are just a sad substitute people drink while crying over their diets.
01:28A substitute that extends their lifespan, you king of poison.
01:31Keep sitting on that chair until they ban you globally.
01:35Peace out.
01:35Peace out.
01:36Peace out.
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