00:01Welcome to Career Day here at the Counseling Center.
00:04I know the exact career that I want.
00:06What is it, Munchkin?
00:07I want to be the editor of The New Yorker
00:08and the youngest freelance journalist to be published in The New York Times,
00:11LA Times, and The Chicago Tribune.
00:13Okay!
00:13I've got to get into Northwestern.
00:15Never heard of it.
00:17High school.
00:18Society's bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth
00:21into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
00:25Cattle, cattle!
00:26We had the cheerleaders.
00:27She smells like gluten.
00:29And then the athletes.
00:30Can I get a close-up of your bicep?
00:32And, of course, worse than detention, the writer's club.
00:35We print tomorrow, and none of you have written anything.
00:39I did click these kitten pictures.
00:42Progress.
00:43I remember when I realized I was different.
00:45Everybody hates you.
00:47Bite me, Hobbit.
00:48You remind me of my grandson.
00:49Why is that?
00:50You're sad with me.
00:52You need to be on antidepressants.
00:54You were on ADD medication as a kid.
00:56I thought I was just really calm and mature for my age.
00:58No, you were dropped.
01:00I hid it in your food.
01:03You want to impress them?
01:04You're going to have to submit something else.
01:06Like what?
01:06What about a literary magazine?
01:07A literary magazine.
01:08You can inspire others to write while writing yourself.
01:11Gentlemen, sharpen your pencils.
01:13You want us to write for your hideotous school paper?
01:16Dick.
01:17Operation Clover gets in effect.
01:19No matter what.
01:21So many people to blackmail.
01:23So little time.
01:24How are we going to blackmail all of them?
01:26Shut up.
01:27Some will be much easier than others.
01:29Two, four, six, eight.
01:31Heard you like to fornicate.
01:32Carson!
01:38Oh God, I feel like I'm an eat, pray, love.
01:40How long have you been a fornicating exchange student?
01:43Girls like nothing more than a guy that speaks Spanish.
01:46Like just a little...
01:48You're all here because I've got dirt on you.
01:50Even if you spread whatever information you have on us,
01:53no one is going to believe you.
01:54You will believe.
01:56Because we will spread that s*** like Nutella.
02:04I'm blackmailing the entire school.
02:06It's better my chances of getting into the university of my dreams.
02:09And it's exhilarating.
02:10Your dad tells me you're quite popular at school.
02:16What a rush.
02:17The world is a very cruel place.
02:19Dreams don't come true, Carson.
02:20Take it from me.
02:21I am living proof.
02:24Life comes at you fast.
02:25It runs through your body and tries to escape
02:27and be expressed in any way possible.
02:29It's a lot like
02:31lightning.
02:40Carson, are we friends?
02:42I think we're best friends, Millarie.
02:45Cool.
02:46I think we're done.
02:46I appreciate that.
02:49It's really amazing.
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