00:01I'm going to tell you a story, and it's true.
00:03I always have to tell people that,
00:04because inevitably someone will come up to me
00:06and they'll be like, is that true?
00:08And I'll be like, yeah.
00:10And they'll be like, was it?
00:13I don't know how to respond to that.
00:14Like, I guess I could say it louder, you know?
00:16Like, yeah!
00:17And they'll be like, it's probably true, say it louder.
00:20And now the big comedian, Matt Pandepiglio.
00:25Hey, y'all ready to lip sync?
00:28I can't hear you.
00:30That's my lip sync joke.
00:33So here's what happened.
00:35My girlfriend Abby and I moved in together.
00:37She's great.
00:38And my sister Janet got engaged.
00:40You're next.
00:40Coming your way, but it'd be better.
00:42And everyone started talking about marriage.
00:44How long have you and Abby been together?
00:47Eight years.
00:48I don't remember being so long.
00:51That's ridiculous.
00:52And that night, I started walking in my sleep.
00:55This is Jack all in the room.
00:56Come back to bed.
00:57How long has this sleepwalking been going on?
00:59I don't think it's that serious.
01:01As things with my girlfriend got more tense, my sleepwalking got more dangerous.
01:07You did it, Matt.
01:08First place.
01:12Thank you!
01:14This is the first time I remember thinking, maybe I should see a doctor.
01:17And then I thought, maybe I'll eat dinner.
01:24I'm alone with dinner.
01:26I've decided I'm not going to get married until I'm sure that nothing else good can happen in my life.
01:31You should say that on stage.
01:33One day I asked my girlfriend, what do you fear most?
01:36And she said, I fear you'll meet someone else and you'll leave me and I'll be all alone.
01:39And she said, what do you fear most?
01:41And I said, bears.
01:45Guys, your girlfriend heard the jokes?
01:47No.
01:47You should probably mention it.
01:48You say you're going to go see the doctor, you don't.
01:50You say you want to be a comedian, you're a bartender.
01:53I mean, pick a damn plan and stick with it.
01:55He's kidding, but he's not as funny as you.
01:59My parents have been together 40 years, which is, yeah, no, but it's too long.
02:04If you're ever in a relationship that's moving towards marriage and you're not ready,
02:09don't go to my sister Janet's wedding.
02:18Nice shirt, loser.
02:20Sorry.
02:21No, I like it.
02:22It's nice.
02:25No, I like it.
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