00:00Listen up everybody, the clock is ticking. Let's get those items into those boxes. I say quality, you say control.
00:07Can we go now?
00:12You're not a leader, people don't listen when you talk, you're too timid, you don't motivate people, you lack confidence,
00:18you don't command respect, you don't whistle while you work and you're an inspiration to absolutely no one.
00:24Thank you.
00:27Excuse me sir, what kind of listeria precautions do you take with your rutabagas?
00:32All of them?
00:33Could I get my undiptynicole?
00:34Ew.
00:38I'm Xavier.
00:41With an X.
00:42Gotta go.
00:44Xavier with an X, and I blew it.
00:46Look, he's not your dream guy, he's just some stranger you've projected all your soft horror, erotic, romantic, novel fantasies
00:52onto.
00:52You're right, I mean, if he shows up on my doorstep, fine. But in the meantime, I'm just gonna, you
00:56know, live my life, do my thing.
00:59Yeah, maybe don't say my thing anymore.
01:01Mm-mm.
01:06Holy smokes, Xavier with an X.
01:09I mean, how many Xavier's can there be in this neighborhood?
01:11Look, sis, just meet this guy already, okay, and deliver the thing, but you get out of there if any
01:15alarm bells go off for you.
01:16You okay there?
01:17Not really.
01:23Hey.
01:24Hi.
01:25I have for you this.
01:27They brought it to my house, but it should've been your house, which is fair it is now, because of
01:30me bringing it.
01:31I'm Evie, by the way.
01:33I think we've, um, seen each other around the neighborhood, actually.
01:35Really?
01:38You must have a pretty good job.
01:40Oh, no, no, actually, I don't work, so I gotta live life while I can.
01:43What does that mean?
01:44God, that's not really an easy way to say this.
01:46What? What is it?
01:47Humankind only has eight months and twelve days left on Earth.
01:52You're serious?
01:53Yeah.
01:54Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
02:02I believe, based on atmospheric expansion due to global warming, that there's gonna be an asteroid impact.
02:07I think they would tell us if an asteroid was gonna hit us.
02:09Would they?
02:10Yes.
02:10Would they?
02:10Yes.
02:11Unless they're scared everyone's gonna start freaking out.
02:14So, we're all doomed.
02:16No.
02:17We've been liberated.
02:18Great, I'm living life exactly on my own terms.
02:22We have to stop doing all the things that we feel obligated to do and start doing the things that
02:26we want to do.
02:26Aren't there things you wish you never had to do again?
02:29Yeah.
02:30I would stop waxing, definitely.
02:32Eyebrows, vagina, mustache.
02:35Sure.
02:36This is my apocalypse.
02:37Every last thing I want to do before things go kaput.
02:40Run with the bulls.
02:41Try psychedelics.
02:42Touch the North Pole.
02:43So, what do you say?
02:44You in?
02:47He's nuts, right?
02:49Totally nuts.
02:50An asteroid's not gonna destroy the world.
02:52The Russians are.
02:54Say again?
02:54I spent the last four years hoarding office snacks.
02:57To survive the fallout.
02:58That's your plan?
02:58I also got a jar of pickles in the filing cabinet.
03:02Tonight we're gonna do something off your list.
03:03I wanna have a list.
03:04You've got eight months to live.
03:05What do you do?
03:06First thing that comes to me to care.
03:07Don't think.
03:07Sing in public.
03:08Yes.
03:08No.
03:09Woo-hoo!
03:16You can do it, Evie!
03:24Evie, I'm gonna keep on stripping until you start singing for real.
03:27Which is gonna be very embarrassing for...
03:30Well...
03:31Mainly me.
03:50What the frickin' heck did you do?
03:52She made me clear out your desk.
03:53I hereby resigned from this hellhole.
03:55No, no, no.
03:55I didn't write this.
03:57I wrote it for you.
03:57You did what?
03:58We needed a nudge.
03:59It's too short to waste in a place like that, Evie.
04:01What the hell is wrong with you?
04:05Thank you, Hank.
04:06You know you really are out of your mind.
04:17Listen, I don't care if an asteroid's gonna kill us all.
04:20No, of course I would care if it's true.
04:22But my point is, maybe you helped me learn to seize a day,
04:24but I'll be seizing it at my own pace.
04:26Thank you very much.
04:27Okay.
04:33Can we go again?
04:38Here's to conquering your fears.
04:48I need to get the savory thing out of my system.
04:50Oh, he's already been in your system?
04:52Oh!
04:53Don't be!
04:54Don't be!
04:55Ah!
04:55Ah!
04:55Ah!
04:56Ah!
04:56Ah.
04:57Ah!
04:59Grazie a tutti.
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