- 19 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Music
00:24Dog, do you really have to stop and sniff at every flaming lamppost?
00:28It's only another dog's wee, what's the big deal?
00:31Come on. So what do you reckon?
00:34Yeah, I reckon you two will be very happy together.
00:38How much did it cost you?
00:39Do you really want to know? Actually, no, I don't.
00:42Morning. Good morning.
00:44Hope you're going to clean up after him today if he does anything again.
00:47You don't have to worry about that, I put a cork in it.
00:50I'm being serious.
00:51Come on, why are you the turd police?
00:53Well, it's just not very nice, is it? Dog muck everywhere.
00:56Yeah, okay, I get it. I'll clean up after him, of course I will.
00:59Glad to see you at it. Have a nice day.
01:02Bye.
01:04Yeah, and then post it through your letterbox, you muppets.
01:15You all right?
01:17Not really, no.
01:18What's up?
01:20Not sure. I don't feel too well.
01:22Describe your symptoms. I'll hook it up, see if it's anything fatal.
01:27I feel really nauseous.
01:29Stomach pain.
01:30That sort of thing.
01:32I won't bore yourself.
01:34It'll probably show itself up.
01:38Then again.
01:40Oh, Sam.
01:42Are you all right?
01:45Happy birthday to you.
01:48Happy birthday to you.
01:51Oh, come on.
01:51Happy birthday, dear Theo.
01:54Happy birthday to you.
01:57Oh, crikey, you sound like a pair of cats being strangled.
02:02Sorry, Adele was busy.
02:04Oh, no, I'm only joking. I'm really grateful to both of you.
02:07Thanks ever so much.
02:08You didn't need to go to all this trouble.
02:09Yes, we did.
02:10Well, and anyway, it's nice to have something to celebrate for once.
02:14So, go on, then. Open your presents.
02:15This one's from me.
02:16Oh, certainly you didn't have to.
02:18Thanks ever so much.
02:21Oh, Adele.
02:22Look at this, Taddington, eh?
02:23I'll be the belle of the ball.
02:25Oh, my champion, hmm?
02:27Well, I got the wrong size, didn't I?
02:29Didn't happen for him.
02:30No, no, it's fine.
02:32I love it.
02:33No, it's too small.
02:35No, no, no, it's perfect.
02:36Anyway, listen, it'll show off my muscles, won't it, eh?
02:38They're all guns.
02:39Right.
02:40I know it's not much, but it's just a way to say thank you.
02:43Honestly, I...
02:44I don't know what I would have done recently without you and Tad.
02:48Oh, sorry.
02:54And, erm, this one is from me.
02:56Hey, oh, the start of the show.
02:59Right.
02:59I hope it's OK.
03:04Ah, look at that.
03:06It's, er...
03:07It's a food blender.
03:09Yeah, that's, er...
03:11That's really thoughtful of you.
03:12I just thought it'd come in handy, you know,
03:14especially for doing this whole fitness thing.
03:16Yeah.
03:17Yeah.
03:18Do you like it, then?
03:19Of course I like it.
03:21Of course I do.
03:22Because it's from you, eh?
03:24Oh.
03:25Oh, thank you.
03:29Well, looks like that's the lot, then.
03:33Yeah, I'm...
03:33I'm sorry you didn't get anything from Miles and Millie.
03:37No, me too.
03:38That didn't get now at Christmas, did I?
03:40So...
03:41Can't say I'm surprised.
03:43Card would have been nice, but...
03:46Anyway.
03:47I must get to work.
03:48What...
03:49What do you mean?
03:50You're not going to work today.
03:51No!
03:52I'm not, but I'm...
03:53I'm going to fix that cupboard door in the kitchen, aren't I?
03:55And we both know you're not going to do it.
03:57Well, don't go mad, anyway.
03:59I'll be in the bistro later.
04:01Yeah, oh!
04:02Yeah, look forward to my birth meal.
04:03Todd!
04:04Todd, sorry, sorry.
04:04Don't forget to bring your wallet.
04:10Got a toastie.
04:11I'm making David one before he goes to the hospital.
04:13Nah, you're okay, thanks.
04:15Suit yourself.
04:16Well, where did you last see it?
04:17Well, I don't know.
04:18Do I?
04:19I'm lost, am I?
04:20Yeah, the will to live.
04:21This one's lost the peeing kit.
04:23I walked in my drawer and it's not there.
04:25Oh.
04:26You haven't washed it, have you?
04:27Again.
04:28Oh, I do not believe this.
04:30Look, look, I'm so sorry, love, okay?
04:32Just with everything that's been going on with Harper,
04:33my head's been all over the place.
04:34Listen, it's in the washing basket.
04:36Wait there, I'll go and get it for you.
04:39They're not doing it on purpose, you know.
04:41I'm neglecting you.
04:42But it feels like it.
04:44No, things are just a bit mad at the minute, aren't they?
04:47But they'll get easier.
04:49And meanwhile, you and me, we'll stick together, won't we?
04:53Because we're a team.
04:54Yeah.
04:55Right.
04:56If you're worried about that box.
04:58Okay.
04:59I'm not gonna tell anyone.
05:00You can trust me.
05:02We always did.
05:07Yeah, he'll be there in five minutes.
05:09I know I said that ten minutes ago, but he's definitely on his way.
05:13Yeah, I promise, I promise.
05:15Okay, bye.
05:16You having problems with that fella again?
05:18Unbelievable.
05:18How can you get lost with a sat-nav in the place where you've lived all your life?
05:22Can you have a word with him when he gets back, please?
05:24Why me?
05:25Well, because you're more intimidating than I am.
05:28Am I?
05:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:30Do that face you do.
05:32See?
05:32Really scary.
05:33Well, it's a shame it doesn't work on, you know.
05:35Oh, hello, love.
05:37Hiya.
05:37You all right?
05:37I was just passing by and I thought I'd bring you a little treat.
05:41Ooh, doughnuts.
05:42Look at that.
05:42Get in.
05:43Oh, no thanks.
05:44Oh, are you on a diet, Steve?
05:46Well, that's good.
05:47Probably not before time.
05:48No, I'm not on a diet.
05:50If you must know, I don't eat food with holes in.
05:53Why not?
05:54Well, I had a friend who worked in a doughnut factory.
05:57He said he'd never eat one ever again.
05:59I think you can draw your own conclusions.
06:02Oh, thanks for that.
06:03Oh, do you know what?
06:04I don't know why I bother.
06:05Mm.
06:05Right, I'm going to the shops.
06:07I'll see you later.
06:08Yeah.
06:08Anyway, thanks, love.
06:11Are you going to answer that?
06:14Cathy.
06:15Are you avoiding her?
06:17Yeah, a bit.
06:18Is that because she's not decided what you're going to say
06:20when she finally gets round to popping the question?
06:23I love it, you know.
06:24It's just...
06:25I don't think now's the right time.
06:28What, is that because your dad popping his clogs?
06:30Will you stop saying popping?
06:31Oh, sorry.
06:33Yes.
06:34Um, because you know my track record.
06:36Well, she's persistent, that's for sure.
06:38Oh.
06:41Must be Dad's ex.
06:44Hi.
06:46Yeah, speaking.
06:51Thursday.
06:53Right, OK.
06:54Well, thanks for letting me know.
06:57A eulogy?
06:59So I've got you down for an appointment at 2pm next Tuesday.
07:02Pardon?
07:04Wednesday.
07:05You're absolutely right.
07:06My mistake.
07:06Yeah, we'll see you then.
07:08And, erm, we're very sorry for your loss.
07:12Bye-bye.
07:14Is that a booking?
07:16Yeah, but first one today.
07:17It's been quiet all morning.
07:19No prizes for guessing why.
07:23Hey.
07:24Still.
07:26Better than nothing, I suppose.
07:31Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you look awful.
07:34Yeah.
07:35I know I do.
07:38Can't remember the last time I had an hangover like this.
07:41Feels like a donkey's kicked me in the head and my tongue's wearing a sock.
07:46Do you know what, I'm just gonna nip out and get some painkillers.
07:48I think that might help.
07:50All right, can you hurry up though?
07:51I'm supposed to be meeting Theo and I'm late already.
07:53Yeah, it's all right.
07:54Won't be a tick.
08:08Hey.
08:09Hey.
08:09Er, do you want a taste for a pour?
08:11Oh, no, no, no.
08:11I'm sure it's fine.
08:12That is the most expensive one though, eh?
08:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
08:16Er...
08:16Special occasion?
08:17Well, it's...
08:18It's my birthday, so I thought I'd push the bow out a little bit.
08:21Oh, well.
08:21Happy birthday.
08:22Oh, thanks, Todd.
08:24Er, you kept that quiet, didn't you?
08:26Well, you know, when you get to my age, cock, you don't wanna be shouting it from the rooftops,
08:30do you?
08:30Speak for yourself.
08:31Yeah, you're hardly ready for a mobility scooter, are you?
08:33Well, no, although Todd did get me a food blend.
08:36Well, that is nothing.
08:37This one got me an iron for Christmas.
08:39Yeah, and I got you some other stuff as well, babe.
08:41Come on.
08:41Yeah, but still an iron?
08:43You sat here on your own?
08:44Oh, no, no, no.
08:45I'm, er...
08:45I'm waiting for Todd.
08:46Although he's a...
08:47He's a bit late.
08:49Erm...
08:49I'll tell you what.
08:50Why don't you join me while I wait for him?
08:52Oh, I don't wanna intrude.
08:53No, don't be daft.
08:54Come on.
08:55The more the merrier.
08:55Take a seat.
08:57Have some of me Chateauneuf de Poche.
08:59Don't normally have read, but...
09:00Yeah?
09:01Well, maybe you're the one here.
09:02No!
09:08Right, there's a bucket there if you need to be sick again.
09:10Are you sure you're gonna be all right on your own?
09:12What about Miss Walsh?
09:14Isn't she gonna be back soon?
09:15Well, no, she'll be at school all day.
09:17And then I think she said she was gonna meet Daniel later.
09:19But if you're worried, I can always phone your dad.
09:20No, it's fine.
09:22I'll be all right.
09:23I'm feeling better already.
09:25Right, okay.
09:25Well, just drink plenty of water and call me if you need anything, okay?
09:28See you later.
09:29See ya.
09:45Hey, er, ready to order?
09:47Ooh.
09:47Actually, I'm still waiting on me date.
09:49Yeah, can we get, like, two minutes, please?
09:51Sorry, I can't make up my mind.
09:52No, no problem.
09:53Not like you, babe.
09:55Well, I like to put a bit of thought into what I'm getting, unlike some people.
09:59Is this still about the iron, by any chance?
10:02If you'll excuse me, I'll, er, I'll just be back in a sec.
10:04Hey.
10:05I've got you some stuff, isn't it?
10:07I'll be the guy.
10:08You just gotta miss me.
10:09I'll be the guy.
10:12You just gotta miss me.
10:14You said the...
10:14Millie.
10:15No, no, no, no, no.
10:16Don't hang up, darling.
10:18It's me.
10:19I just, er...
10:20I just wanna talk.
10:22About what?
10:23What?
10:24Well, look, I know me and your mum aren't together anymore.
10:27What are you saying?
10:28What are you saying?
10:28Well, you know, you stole my daughter and stole my birthday and...
10:33Yeah.
10:34Yeah, yeah, it's today.
10:35I know you and Miles must have forgot, but...
10:38Darling, I'm...
10:39Hang on.
10:40I'm not having a go.
10:41I'm just...
10:43Sweetheart, please.
10:44No, I'm not...
10:45Darling.
10:46Millie.
10:47Millie.
10:48Sorry I'm late.
10:50George popped out for five minutes and ended up being half an hour.
10:52I don't want your excuses, Todd.
10:55Alright?
10:55Luckily for you, Gary and Maria have been keeping me company.
10:58I'm really sorry.
11:00So you should be.
11:01It's my birthday.
11:14It's this civil court thing.
11:15It's really got to him.
11:16I mean, he's always liked to drink, all three, but...
11:19I mean, you got completely battered and then...
11:21This morning, he was in a right state.
11:23Yeah, it's a shame, isn't it?
11:24He's a good bloke, is George.
11:26What do you think's gonna happen?
11:27I haven't got a clue.
11:29I know he's innocent, but it's not up to me, is it?
11:31Hey, can I get you anything else?
11:32Coffee, dessert, wine?
11:34No, mate, I'm good.
11:35I'll end up dozing off on the sofa.
11:37Yeah, and I've got a load of ironing to get back to us.
11:39Can we drop it now?
11:42Do you know what, actually?
11:44Yeah, I'll have a coffee.
11:45I'll bring it over.
11:47Anyway, you haven't said how your food was.
11:49How was it?
11:49All right?
11:50I'm trying to get a job here and all.
11:53Yeah, it was fine.
11:55Everything was fine.
12:00Hey.
12:01You doing all right?
12:03No, not really.
12:04I've been with Sam most of the morning.
12:06Oh, what's wrong?
12:06Well, don't panic, but he threw up on his way to school.
12:10Something you ate?
12:11Er, I don't know.
12:12Maybe.
12:12I mean, he seems fine now, but I thought it'd be best to keep him off, you know, just
12:15to be on the safe side.
12:16Yeah, well, thanks for that.
12:17Truth is, I wanted to speak to you anyway.
12:21Something's not right.
12:22He's not been himself lately.
12:23Yeah, I know.
12:24I was thinking the same.
12:26Problem is, he won't tell me what he eats.
12:29All right.
12:31There you go, mate.
12:32On the house.
12:33Oh, you don't have to do that.
12:34Ah, don't be daft.
12:35It's only a pint.
12:35I know you're going through a hard time at the minute.
12:39I've had better weeks, to be honest with you.
12:40So are you going to go to the funeral, then?
12:43Only, I know you and your dad weren't close, especially towards the end.
12:47Yeah, well, that's putting it mildly.
12:49I wasn't going to go, but yeah, I'll be there.
12:52They want me to do a eulogy, which I'm not looking forward to,
12:55but you only get one dead, right?
12:56Yeah, that's true.
13:02Who died?
13:06What?
13:06If only you had a mute button.
13:10Grab a drink.
13:11I won't be a minute.
13:12Better not be.
13:14Hiya.
13:17You look very, um, makey of it.
13:21Thanks.
13:22I think.
13:23Going into town, I thought I'd make a bit of an effort.
13:25Ah.
13:27With Ollie?
13:28Yeah.
13:30I see.
13:32Here we go.
13:34Okay, so we're going on our first proper date, and we're just going to see how things go and take
13:39it easy.
13:40Happy now?
13:41Well, I haven't got that far.
13:43I'm only joking.
13:44I think you'll make a lovely couple.
13:46Have fun.
13:47Just not too much.
13:48Shit.
13:54I says, why have you no yeller left?
13:55He says, we've not.
13:56So I've got a pink one.
13:57I'm going up in the service elevator.
13:58I'd rather...
13:59I'm telling you, HQ Manchester.
14:00I'm going straight up.
14:01I get the...
14:02Oh, hey.
14:03Just in time.
14:04Wow, what have I missed?
14:04Oh.
14:05The bill.
14:07I hope you don't mind.
14:08I said we'd take care of Gary and Maria as well, you know.
14:10Would it be my birthday?
14:12Yeah.
14:12Of course.
14:13I mean, I'm happy to split it, you know.
14:15We didn't come for a free meal.
14:17Ah, no, mate.
14:18Come on.
14:19Don't be daft.
14:19Put your money away.
14:20It's on us.
14:22Are you sure?
14:22That is so kind.
14:24Don't mention it.
14:25I'll go and settle up now.
14:26Aw, thanks, Todd.
14:27Cheers, mate.
14:28Really appreciate it, yeah?
14:31Hi, Nick.
14:32I was just wondering if I could ask a favour.
14:34Uh, yeah, sure.
14:35What is it?
14:35I'm supposed to be, um, paying for the whole table, but, um...
14:39I've got a bit of a problem with my card.
14:41Long story.
14:42And, um, cash-wise, I've only got 80 quid on me.
14:44Good night, Al.
14:45I mean, you're quite a bit short, aren't you?
14:47I know.
14:47I was thinking maybe I could pay the rest in a day or two.
14:50Oh, right.
14:51Like an IOU.
14:52Kind of, yeah.
14:55Hey!
14:56Everything all right?
14:57I, um, haven't got enough to pay the bill.
15:01Oh.
15:02Well, why don't you stick it on your card?
15:04Bit of a problem there, too.
15:07Oh.
15:08All right.
15:09No problem.
15:09Just do it.
15:11Whack it on that, Nick.
15:12All right.
15:13Sure.
15:15What's that?
15:16What would he be without me, eh?
15:18Take me out for my birthday dinner, he says.
15:20Treat you, he says.
15:21Oh, dear.
15:22Blame it useless, he is.
15:26Thanks for meeting us, anyway.
15:28I'm sorry about that donut thing with Steve.
15:30Oh, I'd rather not talk about it, please, for various reasons.
15:34All right, fair enough.
15:35Is he all right, though, Steve?
15:37Was he a little bit fed up when I came in?
15:38Well, his dad's ex called him a date for the funeral.
15:41Oh.
15:42Well, I suppose he was his father.
15:43Oh, yeah.
15:44I don't think there'll be many people shedding tears over Jim MacDonald.
15:47Oh.
15:49Well, this means Steve drew the short straw when he comes to dance, didn't we?
15:53Ben, this barrel needs changing.
15:54Do you know why I spend more time down in that cellar than I do behind this bar?
15:58I should tape a torch to my head and be done with it.
16:00Ooh.
16:02I sent in the email, so it's all fine.
16:04Oh, great.
16:05What are you having?
16:07I'll get it, since you're not having one anyway.
16:09Well, since you've just bought a new car, I think I'll let you.
16:12I'll have a pint of lager, please.
16:14Yeah, no worries.
16:15I'll bring it over for you.
16:17She didn't waste much time moving in on him, though.
16:20I'll give her that.
16:21No flies on our Amy.
16:27You're for real.
16:29What are you doing?
16:31Oh, my God, Amy, I'm so sorry.
16:33I didn't mean it.
16:33Let me get your cloth.
16:34Don't even bother.
16:35I've got to go home and get changed.
16:37I'll be as quick as I can.
16:39All right, chill out.
16:40Just an accident.
16:41You sure about that?
16:43What are you on about?
16:44You don't like the fact I'm seeing her, do you?
16:46Just admit it.
16:47Oh, God.
16:48Don't flatter yourself, yeah?
16:49I don't care who you see.
16:50So what's your problem?
16:54Crude but effective.
16:56A word of advice, though.
16:58You're going to have to box a bit more clever if you want to win them back.
17:02But I told you it was a bad accident.
17:03Besides, I didn't think he'd like me hanging around with him anyway.
17:06Whatever gave you that idea?
17:16Some birthday this has turned her to be.
17:18I've said I'm sorry.
17:20I didn't mean to...
17:21To what?
17:22What, Todd, what?
17:23Turn up late, leave me to sort out the bill?
17:26Huh?
17:27Sort out your mess because you couldn't even manage to take me for a birthday meal without screwing it up,
17:30you pathetic.
17:32Useless waste of space.
17:33Look, that's not fair, all right?
17:34I didn't know he was going to have to pay for Gary and Maria as well.
17:37So that's my fault now, is it?
17:39No, I didn't mean it.
17:40Is that how did you mean it?
17:42Well, I don't want to fight, all right?
17:44I'm tired.
17:45You're tired.
17:47Well, so am I.
17:49So am I, Todd.
17:50I'm tired of this.
17:51I'm tired of you.
18:00Hey, honey.
18:01Hello.
18:01Oh.
18:02Oh, you got it working then?
18:04Yeah, I think so.
18:06And I sorted that breathing monitor out, you know, for her room.
18:10I know it's going to be a while before she's home and everything, but I just wanted to get things
18:13sorted, you know.
18:14Oh, I think that's dead sweet.
18:16Yeah.
18:20Am I losing pot or can I hear a baby crying?
18:23Oh, no, no, it's Carla's.
18:26Carla?
18:26When did she have a sprog?
18:28I don't know.
18:29I was talking to her earlier.
18:30I think she's, like, borrowing it or something for a bit.
18:33Borrowing it?
18:33Whose is it?
18:34You know what it bor...
18:35No, I don't know whose it is.
18:37Why don't you ask her if you're that bothered?
18:39I'm not.
18:40It's just a bit weird, isn't it?
18:41Borrowing a kid.
18:43Well, you better get used to it, because when Harper's home, it's going to be baby central around here.
18:48Oh, no.
18:49It's going to be a house full.
18:50Mm.
18:50You know, I was thinking the other day, there's going to be seven of us living here, including Mutt.
18:53Yeah, well, Jodie ain't going to be here forever, is she?
18:55I mean, she's only here until she gets back on her feet.
18:58Yeah, I suppose.
18:59Not that I'm complaining.
19:00You know, she's been a big help, actually.
19:03It's just...
19:03It would be nice to have the place to ourselves again.
19:06Mm, yeah, you know what?
19:07That could not come soon enough.
19:10So, that's not interrupting, am I?
19:11No, no.
19:12Not at all.
19:13Just checking.
19:14Yeah.
19:15Mm, yeah.
19:38Yeah, I'm fine.
19:40Yeah, I'm fine.
19:43That's fine.
19:43You can't even know the
19:45Come on, I haven't got any money.
19:49And please don't drink any more, all right?
19:53You're obviously in a really bad mood,
19:55and when you drink when you're like this,
19:57it doesn't agree with you.
20:01You're right, yeah.
20:03I am in a really bad mood.
20:09Well, can you blame me?
20:11After having such a rubbish birthday.
20:14I mean, you got me a lousy present.
20:18Kept me waiting, humiliated me in front of our friends.
20:23I had to pay the bill.
20:25And even my own kids didn't know it was my birthday.
20:28They forgot, how do you know that?
20:29Because I phoned Millie and she told me
20:32right before she hung up on me.
20:34I'm sorry.
20:36And I want a drink.
20:38Why don't I make us a coffee?
20:41You make coffee.
20:42Probably screw it up as well.
20:44Why are you being like this?
20:46Sorry, is it hurting your feelings?
20:48Oh, look, I'm sorry.
20:50All right, all right.
20:52Fine.
20:53Let's have the coffee.
20:55Tell you what.
20:56Here, I'll help you.
20:57What are you doing?
20:59You're going to need some coffee as well.
21:01Leto, what?
21:02Stop it.
21:02How about some sugar?
21:03You always need sugar, don't you?
21:04Ooh.
21:05We'll need some mugs.
21:06There you go.
21:06Mug.
21:09What?
21:10You're going to need some spoons, aren't we?
21:13Enough.
21:13Get off.
21:14Get off.
21:15Get off.
21:16Get off.
21:17Get off!
21:21And what are you going to do with that?
21:25Don't push me.
21:25Why?
21:26You're going to stab me?
21:27Are you?
21:28Yeah, well, go on then.
21:29Do it, all right?
21:29Do you think I care anymore?
21:31Do you think I want to carry on like this?
21:33Go on.
21:33Do it.
21:34Do it.
21:34Just put me out of my misery.
21:36Do it!
21:43Do it.
Comments