- 4 minutes ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Here's where Dionne lives.
00:02She's my friend because we both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us.
00:07Girlfriend.
00:08And I must give her snaps for her courageous fashion efforts.
00:12Hey, Cher.
00:13Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials.
00:19Fine.
00:20Amber?
00:21Miss Stoger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
00:27Well, there goes your social life.
00:30Hey, James Bond.
00:31In America, we drive on the right side of the road.
00:34I am.
00:35You try driving in platforms.
00:36Look, I gotta get back to school.
00:39Wanna practice parking?
00:40What's the point?
00:41Everywhere you go has valet.
00:44You're not letting her go out like that, are you?
00:46Cher, get in here.
00:47What's up, Daddy?
00:48What the hell is that?
00:50A dress.
00:51Says who?
00:52Calvin Klein.
00:53It looks like underwear.
00:54Go upstairs and put something over it.
00:56Yeah, I was just going to.
01:00I don't know why Dionne's going out with a high school boy.
01:03They're like dogs.
01:05You have to clean them and feed them.
01:06They're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you.
01:11Ew!
01:11Get off of me!
01:13Ugh!
01:14As if!
01:15We got another notice from the fire department saying we have to clear out the bush.
01:18You said you were going to get Jose to do it.
01:20He's your gardener.
01:21Why you don't come in?
01:23Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
01:25I'm not a Mexican!
01:27Great!
01:28What was that all about?
01:29Lucy's from El Salvador.
01:31So?
01:32It's an entirely different country.
01:34What does that matter?
01:35You get upset if someone thinks you live below sunset.
01:39Are you going to take me somewhere to make left hand turns?
01:42We're going back to the DMV.
01:43It's over?
01:45It's over.
01:46Well, how did I do?
01:47How'd you do?
01:49Well, let's see, shall we?
01:52You can't park.
01:53You can't switch lanes.
01:55You can't make right hand turns.
01:57You've damaged private property and you almost killed someone.
02:00Offhand, I'd say you failed.
02:02Failed?
02:04Well, can't we just start over?
02:06I mean, I'm kind of having a personal problem.
02:08My mind was somewhere else.
02:09I mean, you saw how that biker came out of nowhere, right?
02:13I swear I'll concentrate.
02:15I drive really good usually.
02:17Isn't there somebody else I can talk to?
02:19A supervisor or something?
02:20I mean, it can't be the absolute and final word in driver's licenses.
02:25Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I'm the messiah of the DMV.
02:30Thanks.
02:30Ty, this is Josh.
02:32Nice to meet you.
02:33Hey!
02:34You know about this stuff.
02:36I want to do something good for humanity.
02:38How about sterilization?
02:45What do you think?
02:45I'm amazed.
02:47That I am devoting myself so generously to someone else?
02:50No.
02:51That you found someone even more clueless than you are to worship you.
02:54I am rescuing her from teenage hell.
02:57Do you know the wounds of adolescence can take years to heal?
02:59Yeah.
03:00And you've never had a mother, so you're acting out on that poor girl like she was your Barbie doll.
03:04Freshman psych rears its ugly head.
03:06Hey, I am not taking psych.
03:08Whatever.
03:09I am going to take that lost soul in there and make her well-dressed and popular.
03:13Her life will be better because of me.
03:15How many girls can say that about you?
03:17Could all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America?
03:23Amber will take the composition.
03:25Cher will be pro.
03:27Cher, two minutes.
03:29So, okay.
03:31Like right now, for example, the Hadeans need to come to America.
03:36But some people are all, what about the strain on our resources?
03:40But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right?
03:44I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner.
03:47But people came that like did not RSVP.
03:50So I was like totally buggin'.
03:52I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings.
03:57But by the end of the day, it was like the more the merrier.
04:00And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things,
04:05we could certainly party with the Hadeans.
04:07And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.
04:16Thank you very much.
04:24Amber, reply?
04:26Mr. Hall, how can I answer that?
04:28The topic is Haiti and she's talking about some little party.
04:32Hello, it was his 50th birthday.
04:36Whatever.
04:37If she doesn't do the assignment, I can't do mine.
04:41I don't get it.
04:43Did my hair get flat?
04:45Did I stumble into some bad lighting?
04:48What's wrong with me?
04:50Nothing.
04:50Maybe he really was tired.
04:52I suppose it wasn't meant to be.
04:54I mean, he does dress better than I do.
04:56What would I bring to the relationship?
04:59Alright, now, uh, get down on the ground.
05:02Face down.
05:04Come on!
05:04Oh no.
05:05You don't understand.
05:06This isn't a liar.
05:08And a what-a?
05:10It's like a totally important designer.
05:13And I will totally shoot you in the head.
05:16Get out!
05:19Good.
05:20Good, yeah.
05:21Alright, um, count to a hundred.
05:25It's time for your aural.
05:27Excuse me?
05:28Cher, get in here!
05:30Yes, Daddy?
05:32Will you tell me what the hell this is?
05:34Um, a second notice for three outstanding tickets.
05:38I don't remember getting a first notice.
05:41The ticket is the first notice.
05:42I didn't even know you can get tickets without a license.
05:45Oh, sure you can.
05:46You can get tickets anytime.
05:47Oh, is that so?
05:48Well, not around here you can't.
05:49From this moment on, you will not drive, sit,
05:52do anything in that Jeep without a supervised driver present.
05:56And no cruising around with Dion, alright?
05:58Two permits do not equal a license.
06:00Do I make myself clear?
06:02Yes, Daddy.
06:03Cher, I expect you to become a good driver.
06:05I want to see you apply yourself.
06:07I will.
06:08I'm gonna practice real hard.
06:09Okay.
06:12Let's do a makeover.
06:15No.
06:16No.
06:17Oh, come on, let us.
06:18Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover, okay?
06:21It gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.
06:24Please?
06:26Sure.
06:27Why not?
06:29Shit, you guys, I've never had straight friends before.
06:42Cher, what's this all about?
06:44My report card?
06:45The same semester?
06:47Uh-huh.
06:48What'd you do, turn in some extra credit reports?
06:50No.
06:51Did you take the midterms over?
06:53Uh-uh.
06:55You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C plus to an A minus?
07:01Totally based on my powers of persuasion.
07:04You proud?
07:04Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.
07:08I can't see the next one and my wife ever did this.
07:09I'm sorry.
07:10Correct, yeah.
07:10Right.