There's a Hole in Your Dustbin Delilah. (1968)

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 30th September 1968.  A skiving bin gang are on high alert when their new Inspector takes an interest.  Frank Windsor - Trevelyan 'Bloody Delilah' Sinclair Jack MacGowran - Cheese & Egg [C.E.Petty] Harold Innocent - Heavy Breathing Graham Haberfield - Winston Henry Livings - Eric Marjie Lawrence - Mrs. Pride of Jutland Priscilla Morgan - 6 Shakespeare Street Angela Crow - 21 Chaucer Street John Barrett - Smellie Ibbotson Pitt Wilkinson - Matthew Pride of Jutland William Maxwell - Coalman Maggie Jones - 4 Shakespeare Street Louise Jervis - 2 Shakespeare Street Irlin Hall - 19 Chaucer Street James Beck - Police Sergeant Peter Mackriel - Milkman Judy Evans - Helpless Woman Sheila Irwin - Nurse Kate Brown - Melanie Don Estelle - Short Football Hooligan

Transcript

00:00:18But I don't want to go to the other side.

00:00:19What is this?

00:00:20I'll just put a break down then.

00:00:21Well, I'll just put a break down then.

00:01:54Cheese and egg.

00:01:55Cheese and egg.

00:01:56My name, C.E. Petty.

00:01:59C.E.

00:02:01Cheese and egg.

00:02:03Well, George of England would be a bit of a liberty, wouldn't it?

00:02:10C.E. Petty.

00:02:12Right.

00:02:14Quick learner.

00:02:16Lead to number three, gang.

00:02:18Right, again.

00:02:19Number three, gang!

00:02:28Listen, mate.

00:02:29Seeing this in New York, I'll give you a tip.

00:02:31The gang don't like being balled at.

00:02:33And one for you.

00:02:35Seeing I'm new.

00:02:37If I want a ball, laddie, ball I shall.

00:02:41I see.

00:02:42Good.

00:02:43One of them?

00:02:45The biggest of them all.

00:02:47You're not kidding.

00:02:49I never do.

00:03:08Good morning, Eric.

00:03:09It's all long afternoon.

00:03:11I see.

00:03:12Well, how's have you been in this morning?

00:03:13What kind of a mood is he in?

00:03:15Had a nice weekend, then?

00:03:17How'd you get much?

00:03:19Satisfied.

00:03:19Ah.

00:03:20I see.

00:03:22You've all met bloody Delilah, then, eh?

00:03:23Who?

00:03:24His name's not Delilah, is he?

00:03:27Bloody Delilah.

00:03:28Bloody Delilah, then.

00:03:29From the Bible.

00:03:31Look, have you read anything other than bog walls?

00:03:33You know what I...

00:03:34Ah.

00:03:35Delilah.

00:03:36She was another blackhead.

00:03:37Beauty.

00:03:47Hang on, we're one late.

00:03:48What about Winston?

00:03:49He's not going to be much good to us this week.

00:03:51Why?

00:03:52All the way up.

00:03:55Oh, well, I forgot they lost on Saturday, didn't they?

00:03:57Three noughts at West Ham.

00:03:58It wasn't the cop, was it?

00:04:00Oh, it was.

00:04:01He won't do a stroke all week.

00:04:03That'll next season, mate.

00:04:05I'm surprised he's here at all.

00:04:07He's had all Sunday to hang himself.

00:04:10Aye, Winston.

00:04:11You bothering?

00:04:22There's always next year.

00:04:24Aye.

00:04:24What's Saturday behind you?

00:04:26Well...

00:04:30Good luck.

00:04:31Get stooped!

00:04:36It was Samson.

00:04:40What was?

00:04:41With all the add of air.

00:04:46She looked more like a bloody Delilah to me.

00:04:59What's she shouting?

00:05:00No, no, no, no.

00:05:01She's concerned.

00:05:06Petty?

00:05:07Uh, Mr. Petty, our cheese and egg.

00:05:09One or other, choice of menu.

00:05:11Uh, Petty.

00:05:12Today and every Monday henceforth, I don't want your gang to finish working until the stipulated

00:05:17hour.

00:05:17Half past four.

00:05:18I know that hitherto you've dashed around to break in your vertebride to finish by dinner

00:05:22time, not henceforth.

00:05:24But we always finish at dinner time.

00:05:28Not henceforth.

00:05:29Well, it was all right in there too, but not henceforth.

00:05:33Because I say so.

00:05:34One day a week, working to rule.

00:05:39But why?

00:05:41What for?

00:05:42What the hell for?

00:05:51Twenty to eight.

00:05:53Here, can I do Colonel Bogey?

00:05:57Right.

00:05:58Waggons ho.

00:06:00Working slow, but steady.

00:06:02To rule.

00:06:12My, my, my, Delilah Why, why, why, Delilah Just before they come to break

00:06:31down.

00:06:32Give me a hand with that, witch.

00:06:34Don't move.

00:06:34Bug off.

00:06:36Just couldn't take any more.

00:06:40Forgive me, Delilah Just couldn't take any more.

00:06:46Taking it bad, isn't he?

00:06:48Grieving.

00:06:58Winston, will you forget city once a book?

00:07:03Oh, sorry, lad.

00:07:05Realise I'm not overly up yet.

00:07:06One day, though.

00:07:07In time, it's nature's cure is that.

00:07:11After only come to our life somehow has to go on.

00:07:14What do you say, Winston?

00:07:17You've tied your shoelace.

00:07:21Well?

00:07:22You've always tied your bloody shoelace.

00:07:25What you had to make of them for?

00:07:27You know we've suffered a bereavement.

00:07:33I've never tied me shoelace in me life.

00:07:36I was worn gum boots before.

00:07:41Chelsea boots on Saturday, of course.

00:07:43Compassion is a thing of beauty.

00:07:49You think you'd give her pleasure, though, wouldn't you?

00:07:52Fulfilling our norm by dinner time instead of half past four.

00:07:55Who are we talking about now?

00:07:58A gaffer who wants us to go slow instead of fast.

00:08:02Makes a right mockery of his credibility gap, doesn't it?

00:08:08Perhaps she wants to put the block on our afternoon foreigners.

00:08:11It's our beer money, though.

00:08:13Me at the slaughterhouse in the afternoon.

00:08:15You and your window cleaning round.

00:08:17Wincing on his petrol pump.

00:08:18And me at the palace.

00:08:21I'm commissioner at the palace now.

00:08:24Three afternoons a week.

00:08:26Does Prince Philip know?

00:08:28The palace bingo hall.

00:08:31I've tassels on me epilets.

00:08:35I don't mean, I mean, we know what you mean.

00:08:39Well, we've had a for the future.

00:08:41No more afternoon jobs.

00:08:44Britain's gross national protocol is right up the caribou.

00:08:47And our beer money.

00:09:02How do you manage to feel runny at eight o'clock in the morning?

00:09:05Willpower.

00:09:06Help!

00:09:08Help!

00:09:14Help!

00:09:15You're starting, you.

00:09:16You're starting, aren't you?

00:09:18You're trying to upset me.

00:09:19Well, it's not working.

00:09:21No.

00:09:22I only asked him a civil question.

00:09:24No, Emily.

00:09:25Did he go to the match?

00:09:26Oh, I see.

00:09:28Oh, like an animal he went.

00:09:29A vampire.

00:09:30Six.

00:09:31Six things you can't meet a week in here, dustbin.

00:09:33It's mine's going.

00:09:35A jab.

00:09:35You've even got a cat.

00:09:36Just a very thin husband.

00:09:39Here, get on.

00:09:40We're behind hands.

00:09:41Yes, son.

00:09:41All about where I tell you.

00:09:42Oh, a match.

00:09:44Thought we was going slow.

00:09:46We're going as fast as usual, only faster.

00:10:14We've warned you before, beloved, every rotten Monday morning for five rotten years.

00:10:18Do you want a priest?

00:10:19Not in summer.

00:10:20I'll smash his face in.

00:10:22Every right.

00:10:25Raise his road license.

00:10:28I'm going to burn.

00:10:30Can we just conduct this debate now on a diplomatic manner?

00:10:33Appropriate to our heritage as bastards as the members of parliament.

00:10:37Put your sack down.

00:10:38He'll...

00:10:39He'll smash his face in.

00:10:42Are you a West Ham United supporter?

00:10:44Excuse me, sleaze.

00:10:46Oh, well, he won't touch you then.

00:10:48Now then, it's to the advantage of both parties to get as near this entry as possible, right?

00:10:53How, how, how, how, how?

00:10:55In as much, then, as we've both got bloody great laws to hump around, right?

00:11:00They would have gold without buyers, wouldn't they?

00:11:04And there'd be no one to put rubbish in the bins, then.

00:11:09Not rubbish, refuse.

00:11:11And how, how, how, how, how?

00:11:14Oh, well, there's no argument about that. We agree there.

00:11:18Good.

00:11:19Aye.

00:11:20First to come, first to go.

00:11:23So, scram.

00:11:25I thought you were being diplomatic.

00:11:28I tell lies.

00:11:31Ta-da.

00:11:42Oh.

00:11:45You know that's illegal, I hope.

00:11:47And get your face washed.

00:12:08Hey.

00:12:09You're for last week.

00:12:10Yes, I know. I'm sorry.

00:12:17I'm sorry.

00:12:18Sorry.

00:12:43Ah, just happen to be passing, eh?

00:12:46Snoopy.

00:12:47I love you too and all, darling.

00:12:49Nice and steady, eh?

00:12:51No rushing.

00:12:52I can put both feet down one trouser leg.

00:12:54That'll slow me down a bit.

00:12:56Slow, steady.

00:12:58Nice and relaxed.

00:12:59Two men, one bin.

00:13:01Lovely.

00:13:12Plenty of time.

00:13:14Good boys.

00:13:15Your inspector's pleased with good boys.

00:13:30All right, lad, you heard what she said.

00:13:32Nice and easy.

00:13:33Talking about me, you cheeky Arab.

00:13:36Oh, hello, love.

00:13:38Sorry I'm late.

00:13:39How long?

00:13:40You can take the morning off.

00:13:42We don't need you for work in slow motion.

00:13:44Meet you after dinner.

00:13:45I don't need all morning.

00:13:48Cheeky Arab.

00:13:54He only gets a bacon sandwich, you know.

00:13:57Aye, before or after.

00:14:10I thought you was only interested in football.

00:14:13She's got a bloody leg on her like Eusebio.

00:14:34Winston.

00:14:37Hello.

00:14:38Why are you so late?

00:14:39Smelly.

00:14:40What?

00:14:41Why are you so small it?

00:14:44You've got four gears, you know.

00:14:46Far more than you've got teeth, then, ain't it?

00:14:56I wouldn't give them water at 18, I'd give them potassium, bloody cyanide.

00:15:28Honestly,

00:15:30Peele's Bueloo had a wake in the den and a pox from his lair in the morning.

00:15:34I thought you were the pigging bailiffs.

00:15:35Again?

00:15:36Sorry, love. Were you asleep?

00:15:38Eleven o'clock in the morning, cheeky arrow.

00:15:40Well, what are you doing near bed?

00:15:42There's more than one way of making a bacon sandwich, you know.

00:15:47Oh.

00:15:49Ta-ra. Leave me two, I'll pay you tomorrow.

00:15:52Oh, hang on.

00:15:54You what, sweetness?

00:15:56Oh.

00:15:58Sorry, make it three.

00:16:00Your dustman friend won't like you carrying on like this.

00:16:04I don't know.

00:16:05Or your husband.

00:16:07Oh, you do have a vulgar turn of phrase.

00:16:19Cheese and egg.

00:16:21Eric, me flower.

00:16:23I can't afford to lose my afternoon jobs.

00:16:26Or who can?

00:16:28Something's got to go.

00:16:31Either I get no ale, or my mum gets no colour television.

00:16:37Your mum?

00:16:38Yes.

00:16:40Colour television?

00:16:41Yes.

00:16:42Your mum?

00:16:42She's a British rotten subject.

00:16:45She's colour blind.

00:16:48She's colour blind.

00:16:48She's a piece of furniture as well.

00:16:51Maybe her rabbit died on her as a child.

00:16:56Who's?

00:16:58Bloody Delilah's.

00:17:00Now that might account for the psychological facet.

00:17:03Er.

00:17:03Hmm.

00:17:04On the other hand, my many years as a size man to Chad Street Congregational,

00:17:09has taught me one thing about people what appear to be bastards.

00:17:13Yes.

00:17:14They are bastards.

00:17:21See you next Monday then.

00:17:23Aye.

00:17:24I like you working to rule.

00:17:27Aye.

00:17:35Nine weeks I've been getting that new dustbin.

00:17:38I'll have a word with the office about it.

00:17:40Do.

00:17:41Or I might.

00:17:43About you.

00:17:45Oh.

00:17:45Right.

00:17:474 Shakespeare Street, aren't you?

00:17:49That's right.

00:17:50Hey!

00:17:51Good morning.

00:17:52Good morning.

00:17:57Would you like a clogged up grid?

00:18:00Two weeks I've been clogged up.

00:18:0219 Chaucer Street.

00:18:03You said you'd notify sanitation.

00:18:05I will.

00:18:06Quick as I can.

00:18:07Aye.

00:18:08Quicker at some things than others, aren't you?

00:18:22Two.

00:18:23Shakespeare Street.

00:18:26Yes, sweetheart.

00:18:28Some plate.

00:18:29My new bin.

00:18:30It's got a hole in the bottom.

00:18:33You've been bawling your washing in it again, haven't you?

00:18:36Not in public.

00:18:38If you follow my meaning.

00:18:40Leave it with me.

00:18:45Aye, watch it.

00:18:46It's not due till next Sunday.

00:18:48Hello, love.

00:18:48You've not to blame me for, have you?

00:18:50No, love.

00:18:51I think one or two have got their suspicions.

00:18:58I should never have left the Navy.

00:19:01I was happy in the Navy.

00:19:08Hey.

00:19:09Not for me, I hope.

00:19:10Not on duty.

00:19:11Oh.

00:19:12How's it been, then?

00:19:13Oh.

00:19:15Just knocked on the back door.

00:19:16Aye, it's better than sliding down a chimney.

00:19:18Time for another.

00:19:19I'm on duty.

00:19:22Hey, let's have me doing soon.

00:19:26Oh, sorry.

00:19:30Sit up.

00:19:38Right.

00:19:40Be good, eh?

00:19:41See you tonight.

00:19:44About midnight.

00:20:12We're?

00:20:14Come on.

00:20:15Come on.

00:20:15Come over.

00:20:15It's our chosen profession.

00:20:17It's not our party, it's a pub.

00:20:19It might not be three o'clock after all, we know.

00:20:22We never have a way.

00:20:24Never!

00:20:25We just emptied a bin.

00:20:27Let me turn right round again.

00:20:28Looking down to left or right.

00:20:30Right, carry on.

00:20:32Another minute, I'd have had you for the great train robbery.

00:20:38Oi!

00:20:49Kill it.

00:20:51Fuck!

00:21:17Here we are, lads.

00:21:18Sorry, lads.

00:21:49Oh, er, each pen for your own.

00:21:52What do you like?

00:21:53No, take it all out of that.

00:21:54We're standing around each.

00:21:56Ah, that's all right, then.

00:21:59It's just like the old days, isn't it?

00:22:04Selling 16 pints of bitter after 3 o'clock puts us spring in my step, does that?

00:22:08Surrender for the Olympic high jump on you to walk in.

00:22:11Eh?

00:22:12It'll be here every Monday, 4 o'clock.

00:22:15Oh, ah, ah, it's just like the old days.

00:22:18And I'll tell you something else.

00:22:19Gets me out of going shopping with the missus.

00:22:27Well, you smile for once.

00:22:29Look, you're finished.

00:22:30I'd have cooked.

00:22:32If you want to kick somebody's teeth in, try bloody Delilah's, who was robbed.

00:22:36What was it like, the match?

00:22:38I didn't see it.

00:22:39I thought you got a lift to London, in a horse box, with a horse.

00:22:44I did.

00:22:45Well?

00:22:45Well, no ticket.

00:22:47I stood outside the ground till it was over.

00:22:49For 90 minutes.

00:22:51Listening to the crowd.

00:22:52Peter's second goal sounded offside to me.

00:22:55Sounded offside?

00:22:57Eh, smile.

00:23:00We didn't want the lousy cup anyway.

00:23:03There's only a bit of tin.

00:23:10Afternoon.

00:23:13It goes nowhere these days, money.

00:23:15In our case, darling, it doesn't come from anywhere.

00:23:18No.

00:23:20Here.

00:23:21You might as well get rid of my germs for me.

00:23:28I've had a shocker.

00:23:45I've had a shocker.

00:23:46Let's go.

00:23:53I was just into the world.

00:23:56I've had a shocker.

00:23:57I've had a shocker.

00:23:57But it is really good.

00:23:57It's a shocker.

00:23:58I did not.

00:23:58I was dead on the road.

00:23:58Still to the light.

00:23:59Still to the light.

00:24:00I was scared.

00:24:00In the background.

00:24:00This room was close.

00:24:00I was scared to the animals.

00:24:00No.

00:24:02I was scared.

00:24:04I was scared.

00:24:05Yeah, I was scared.

00:24:18Oh

00:24:33She's an egg

00:24:38Did you?

00:24:40You know

00:24:41In the night

00:24:43You said you would

00:24:45Oh, well, I reckon he did

00:24:48You'll be an old man before Christmas, mate

00:24:50You wouldn't think he was only 15, would you?

00:24:54No, I mean you

00:24:56That

00:24:57You said you'd give it some thought in the night

00:25:01I saw it as me duty, lad

00:25:03Well, did you?

00:25:05Think

00:25:06Eric, me flower

00:25:08I thought

00:25:09Well, what then?

00:25:10Oops

00:25:11You're not on the terraces now

00:25:15I thought as follows

00:25:16Viz, a fella's got a watch, correct?

00:25:19Correct

00:25:19The only watch that gives an impersonation of Henry Hall's guest's night

00:25:23Even when sober, correct?

00:25:25Correct

00:25:26The public in the Pride of Jutland is a holy matrimonial wife, correct?

00:25:30Correct

00:25:31She lobs a pile of rubbish from her handbag

00:25:33Into the Corporation Cleansing Department's refuse receptacle

00:25:37Correct

00:25:41Sorry

00:25:44Our watch was lurking in that pile of refuse

00:25:48Bloody Delilah's watch

00:25:50Henry Hall's actual guest's night

00:25:54They must have been with each other then

00:25:57During the afternoon

00:25:59Wasn't they?

00:26:01That's what I thought

00:26:03In the night

00:26:07Perhaps bloody Delilah's not such a daisy as she looks

00:26:10What do you reckon they were doing together?

00:26:14Speaking as a former size man of Chancery Congregation

00:26:18I know what they weren't doing

00:26:20Dancing the bloody polka

00:26:28Corporation Cleansing Department

00:26:30At your service

00:26:30Good morning

00:26:33Oh, good morning, love

00:26:34And to what do I will be?

00:26:38Threw it in the dustbin?

00:26:40Flippin' all

00:26:40Father, what were you?

00:26:42Oh, I just don't

00:26:44You knew you could always listen to it when you were with me

00:26:47No grown woman wants to listen to a watch under the bedclothes

00:26:51What if you're us, but

00:26:53Yes, yes

00:26:54Right away

00:26:56Mind you, if it is with yesterday's refuse

00:26:57It's probably flaming fertilizer by now

00:27:08On the other hand

00:27:09What?

00:27:10There could be another school of contention

00:27:13Namely

00:27:13Two watches

00:27:14Both playing the same composition

00:27:16It's possible

00:27:17Never

00:27:18That's what they said about growing a black tulip

00:27:24And they were right

00:27:26Oh

00:27:28I may have got the colour on

00:27:31You'll never get two watches like this

00:27:33Not of the civilised world as we know it

00:27:35Anything's possible

00:27:36Not playing the same rendering

00:27:39Or the march of the sugarplum do there

00:27:41Aye, the pirates of Penzance

00:27:42But you'll never get two polkas

00:27:44That just isn't the demand

00:27:47Well

00:27:48Let's put it to the fore then

00:27:50All those in favour of taking this back to bloody Delilah

00:27:53Telling him we know what he's up to

00:27:55And demanding the unconditional return of our Monday afternoons

00:28:06Against

00:28:14Abstaining

00:28:20Right

00:28:21We take it home as proposed

00:28:22How the hell do you work that out?

00:28:24I have the casting vault

00:28:25Oh

00:28:44Here you are then

00:28:45What?

00:28:46Chance to make a name for yourself

00:28:47What?

00:28:48Take this to bloody Delilah

00:28:50Shove her under his hairy nostril

00:28:51And ask him what he was doing in a married lady's mitten

00:28:54Why me?

00:28:55I like your eyes

00:28:56Well, why not one of them two?

00:28:58Why not you?

00:28:59Well, I support Real Madrid

00:29:01As opposed to 11 one-legged

00:29:02Just watch what you say about my team friend

00:29:05Move

00:29:26Just watch what you say about my team

00:29:42Why aren't you?

00:29:43Why aren't you out on the wagon collecting refuse?

00:29:44Well, no, I'm not

00:29:44Because I'm standing here

00:29:45What's your story?

00:29:47Hey

00:29:47What?

00:29:50Just, uh, hey for the moment

00:29:51I think you've got my gist

00:29:52Well, someone else of yours, I know

00:29:54I don't think so

00:30:03You can't be a nuclear scientist, can you?

00:30:05You didn't pass your 11 plus

00:30:07You what?

00:30:08I was, uh, just wondering what you could turn your hand to

00:30:10After I've, uh, given you your card

00:30:12You what?

00:30:13After I've had a word with the police

00:30:16Look, you

00:30:16Look, I didn't make it

00:30:18You know we sell toilet rolls outside football grounds

00:30:22I think you're the aptitude

00:30:23No, look, I found, I found this in a dustbin

00:30:26Exactly

00:30:28Scavenging

00:30:30We've a word for nasty little boys to scavenge

00:30:34Scavengers!

00:30:36Good lad, Winston

00:30:38It's got him groggy

00:30:41Thank you, laddie

00:30:46This is yours, isn't it?

00:30:48I think that has already been established

00:30:49Without fear, no favour

00:30:53That is the root cause of our present discussion

00:30:55Well, how did it get in Mrs. Pryder Jutland's handbag, then?

00:31:01Mental bloody telegraphy

00:31:07I think they're falling in love

00:31:12A very old and, uh, dear friend of mine

00:31:15In the dark days of Monte Cassino

00:31:17Is a certain Walter Corbishly

00:31:19You what?

00:31:20And, uh, Walter Corbishly, as you may or may not know

00:31:24I'm not interested

00:31:25Flogs high-quality pork at his premises on Ribblegate Road

00:31:28Just opposite the electricity board showroom

00:31:30I'm not interested

00:31:31As luck would have it

00:31:32A regular customer of Walter Corbishly's is, uh, Mrs. Ashton

00:31:37And Mrs. Ashton is the wife of Mr. Ashton

00:31:40Look, this ain't getting my dustbins emptied

00:31:42And Mr. Ashton

00:31:44Is a groundsman at City Football Club

00:31:48He has also been known to have the odd cup final ticket

00:31:52Stuck up his gansey

00:31:58Abide with me

00:32:02Fast falls the eventide

00:32:06The team's been knocked out, though

00:32:08Give me two teams to boo, then, won't it?

00:32:13The darkness deepens

00:32:17Flood with me above

00:32:31This isn't getting your dustbins emptied, is it?

00:32:34You'll, uh, you'll have a word with this, uh, butcher fella, Dan

00:32:38In his left ear, laddie

00:32:39He's a bit deaf in the right

00:33:00You what?

00:33:02You what?

00:33:03What did you say, Spillface?

00:33:05They just want his watch

00:33:07Not his was, his was in his pocket all the time

00:33:11There must be two watches the same

00:33:13It's a coincidence, that, really

00:33:21You're trying to work a flanker, aren't you, darling?

00:33:24Oh, no, I wouldn't do that

00:33:26I mean, you're my mates

00:33:28They never stopped me

00:33:29Ha, I never stopped him

00:33:30Ha, ha, ha, ha

00:33:32Ha, ha, yeah

00:33:34Look at them

00:33:35The cream of bloody Europe

00:33:36No, it's just, um, just, just coincidence

00:33:41Funny, ain't it?

00:33:43Aye, just a shade stranger than friction, eh?

00:33:47Well, let's have it, then

00:33:48Aye?

00:33:49The watch

00:33:50The watch, the one we found on dustbin

00:33:52We'll give it back to Mrs. Pride of Duckland

00:33:54The watch

00:33:56The watch

00:33:56The watch, Winston

00:34:00I've lost it

00:34:01No, in the, in the tip

00:34:03In, in, in the yard

00:34:04No, in, in the excitement

00:34:08Winston

00:34:09You never went into festering tip

00:34:11No, I did

00:34:12No, I, I, I, I dropped it

00:34:14I dropped it, see

00:34:15Um, in about ten tons of tea leaves

00:34:22In my many years as sizeman

00:34:24The chancery congregational

00:34:26I heard many an uplifting sermon

00:34:28About Judas Iscariot

00:34:30I never thought I'd be rolling

00:34:31His bloody fangs

00:34:55Would it be more convenient

00:34:57If there eight layers brought their dustbins to you?

00:34:59Ah, well, just go in

00:35:00It's hardly fortunate you don't do the Gladstone Terrace round

00:35:03You get my dustbin on your head

00:35:05And from an exceeding great what?

00:35:09Hide

00:35:10Move

00:35:33Come on, Micah

00:35:38What was it?

00:35:40What's he killed this time?

00:35:42Now then

00:35:44Gladstone Terrace, she said she lived

00:35:45That smelly ever since round

00:35:48What time is it?

00:35:50Ten past eight

00:35:51Then on

00:36:04Would

00:36:05Would

00:36:07Would somebody be kind enough

00:36:09To put me out of my misery?

00:36:11With pleasure

00:36:13No, I don't mean

00:36:15I mean

00:36:17What's he gone galloping in there for?

00:36:19He's having a trial for West Bloodyham United

00:36:23Just about a pig in level and all

00:36:26Three now, they'll beat your locks

00:36:27The referee

00:36:28The refer-bloody-ree

00:36:33I'll never get to know what anybody's up to, me

00:36:36Shut up and be grateful

00:36:41What exactly is he up to every Monday morning with number six Shakespeare Street?

00:36:47I go in search of beauty

00:36:49Oh?

00:36:50In what respect?

00:36:52Beauty is a thing of beauty

00:36:55I thought that was compassion

00:36:57And beauty

00:36:59Oh

00:37:02What is it that's a joy forever?

00:37:05Me ma'am

00:37:05When she gets her colour television

00:37:09Cool, eh?

00:37:11Cool as charity

00:37:12And that's damn chilly

00:37:13But not so cool as our poor Willie

00:37:16He's dead, poor sod

00:37:17Directory inquiries

00:37:19Howdy do

00:37:20Ah, could you find out for me the number of a telephone kiosk in Gladstone Terrace

00:37:25All this from me grandma

00:37:27It's the nearest one she can get to with her athlete's foot

00:37:29Aye

00:37:30Tower

00:37:33Double three, seven, one

00:37:35Ah, that's a good girl

00:37:42Ah, that's a good girl

00:37:43Ah, that's a good girl

00:37:47Ah, that's a good girl

00:37:57Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:00Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:01Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:02Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:03Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:05Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:06Ah, that's a good girl

00:38:16Hello? Yes?

00:38:18It is Smelly Everton. How did it?

00:38:25Is it Candy Camry?

00:38:27No, she's an egg.

00:38:29Listen Smelly, you know I owe you ten bob.

00:38:32I bloody do.

00:38:33Who? When Clare knocked out Liston three pig a year ago.

00:38:38As long as that is it.

00:38:42Well Smelly, at dinner time the ten bob is yours.

00:38:46Only I want you to do me a bit of a favour.

00:38:50Who? Bloody Delilah?

00:38:52Yes. Number 8 Gladstone Terrace.

00:38:55Why?

00:38:57Look in his dustbin.

00:39:00What for?

00:39:02Just to see what's inside.

00:39:05Righto.

00:39:10Oh er...

00:39:11It weren't ten bob what you owed me. It were a quid.

00:39:19Well?

00:39:20Three empty tins of baked beans.

00:39:22Go on.

00:39:23Broken light bulb.

00:39:25150 watts.

00:39:26Go on.

00:39:27Cornflake packet.

00:39:29Half a piece of crane.

00:39:31Get on.

00:39:31Cheers of pillings.

00:39:32Cheers of pillings.

00:39:34Cheers of pillings.

00:39:34Tea leaves.

00:39:35Bottle aftershave.

00:39:37Aftershave?

00:39:38Go on.

00:39:39Hundreds of little pins.

00:39:41New ones?

00:39:41All shiny, aye.

00:39:43How else?

00:39:44Oh, just a bit of cardboard and a cellophane wrapping for underpants.

00:39:48Ah, passion killers or little ones do they say?

00:39:51Breece it said.

00:39:52You're on a bloody moe.

00:39:54Lads, come here.

00:39:59Hey, what about my quid?

00:40:03I haven't tapped in a hat, look.

00:40:07We've got a bloody Delilah right by the jockstrap.

00:40:10Hey, a quid.

00:40:12Oh, well, it's the lender's a quid.

00:40:13What for?

00:40:14Lend us a quid.

00:40:18Car.

00:40:19Now, I owe you a quid.

00:40:21I'll never get it back, though.

00:40:22Well, he did.

00:40:23Yes.

00:40:26Now, what does an ugly pig like bloody Delilah want with aftershave?

00:40:30A new drawers, a new shirt.

00:40:32How do you know she's got a new shirt?

00:40:33Under the new pins in his mitten.

00:40:36Moral, he's definitely doing a bit with Mr. Sprider's gut lab.

00:40:38Shall I novel him this time?

00:40:40Well, he's not.

00:40:41Nobody does.

00:40:43Next Monday, we follow his fancy mid.

00:40:45When we catch the matter, in corpus delecti, we ish our ultimatum.

00:40:49Either we get them Monday afternoons back, or we split on them to our ultimate, right?

00:40:52Right, right.

00:40:54Okay, go and get your abbot.

00:41:02There's a hole in your dust blim de-lilah, de-lilah.

00:41:05There's a hole in your dust blim de-lilah, de-lilah.

00:41:22Oh, that pom-pom on your hat.

00:41:25You could drive a girl to oriental frenzy.

00:41:29Tiptoe this way by bars of tulips in the landing.

00:41:31Hello there, ta-rah.

00:41:33Do you mean ta-rah, exactly?

00:41:35I have to get on the job.

00:41:37Hey, spare a maiden's plushies.

00:41:40Cheeky Arab.

00:41:44Cheese and eggs instructions.

00:41:45Go, go, go.

00:41:46Special assignment.

00:41:48Six days shalt thou labour and do all thy bins.

00:41:51On the seventh, you rest and refresh.

00:41:53In your case, Monday.

00:41:54I'll rest and refresh next Monday.

00:41:56Promise?

00:41:57Next Monday.

00:41:59A certain definite?

00:42:00If you like.

00:42:02Me?

00:42:03You just won't.

00:42:05I know for an answer.

00:42:08With your little woolly pom-pom.

00:42:18Switchboard.

00:42:19Mr Sinclair here.

00:42:21Just to acquaint you that I'm off on my Monday afternoon inspection now.

00:42:24I must keep the red bears happy.

00:42:26Oh, yes.

00:42:27Ours not the reason why.

00:42:29Take any messages, would you?

00:42:31I thank you.

00:42:52What are we going down here for?

00:42:54We did down here this morning.

00:42:58Short cut to the pride of Jutland.

00:43:00What exactly stopped you from going to university, Evie?

00:43:04What's she doing here?

00:43:05Who?

00:43:0521 Chaucer Street.

00:43:09Oh, where?

00:43:19Hello there.

00:43:20Having a protest meeting, love?

00:43:22I was resting on my way to the bus.

00:43:24Aw, can we give you a lift?

00:43:24Oh, God bless you.

00:43:33Where to, Beckel?

00:43:35St Mary's, please.

00:43:36What?

00:43:37Maternity.

00:43:39What?

00:43:40Hospital.

00:43:41I've started.

00:43:56Oh, Matthew.

00:43:59I see the binmen haven't graced us with her presence yet, then.

00:44:02No, not yet, love.

00:44:04Enjoy your shopping.

00:44:07Oh, I shall.

00:44:14No danger.

00:44:15No danger.

00:44:29You know she's waiting, just anticipating.

00:44:33Dating.

00:44:34Da-da-da-dee.

00:44:36Da-da-da-dee.

00:44:37Da-da-da-da.

00:44:39Da-da-da-da.

00:44:40Da.

00:44:40Try a little tenderness.

00:44:45Oh, my God.

00:45:23Once, when I was young, I tried growing daffodils in the backyard, you know, dug up a flagstone, never come

00:45:30up, no green, nothing, and tadpoles.

00:45:34The frog spawn grew into tadpoles, but they wouldn't go into frogs.

00:45:39My dad said they got rickets.

00:45:42Nothing was a success, really. Baking, knitting. I never had the patience. You know, the knack.

00:45:49So many, not long. Would you like to have a lie down in the back?

00:45:55And I've made a fella. A real live one. Well, he will be a fella in time. Just a little

00:46:01lad at first.

00:46:02And I don't care if he never becomes Prime Minister. None of you did. And I bet your mams are

00:46:06proud of you.

00:46:08I would be, just being fellas.

00:46:10Would you like to have a lie down in the back?

00:46:14Aren't you proud of yourselves?

00:46:16We're a bit donger up.

00:46:17I'd be proud of you.

00:46:19Bit of a difference between dustmen and Prime Ministers.

00:46:23You're beautiful. All of you.

00:46:28Oh!

00:46:30What?

00:46:31Oh!

00:46:32I've started.

00:46:34Well, you said that before, when you got in.

00:46:36That was starting to start.

00:46:38This is starting.

00:46:47What?

00:46:50What?

00:46:56Oh!

00:47:16I've found some

00:48:17Oh, both doing well.

00:48:20We'll christen her to Elias.

00:48:23Too late to follow Mrs. Pride of Jutland now.

00:48:26No chance.

00:48:42I'm all off.

00:48:49Ready?

00:48:51Who gets it?

00:48:54Make it two.

00:49:02Oh

00:49:24Mom

00:49:29Look, I can't have time to eat up all my porridge, ma'am.

00:49:33I've already got hairs on my chest, ma'am.

00:49:36Cheese and egg wants us in by seven o'clock, he says.

00:49:40Working like the clap, as he says.

00:49:43Geronimo, he says.

00:49:45Geronimo, bloody mo, to be exact.

00:49:48Sit down, ma'am.

00:49:54Ma'am, switch the television off.

00:49:57There's nothing on at quarter to seven in the morning.

00:50:02The elections aren't for nearly three years yet.

00:50:06And whoever wins, I'm too old for family allowances, ma'am.

00:50:11Honest.

00:50:13Sit down then.

00:50:14Yes.

00:50:15Promise not to lift anything heavy.

00:50:18Sit down then.

00:50:19As cheese and egg would say.

00:50:21Beth.

00:50:23As cheese and egg.

00:50:31As cheese and egg would say, best get me skates on.

00:50:49Morning.

00:50:50Morning.

00:51:01Morning.

00:51:16Come on.

00:51:17Where are we going?

00:51:18To prevent bloodshed.

00:51:31The 93 doesn't go to the depot.

00:51:33No.

00:51:34It's the central station.

00:51:35Yes.

00:51:37Is there going to be bloodshed at British Railways?

00:51:39There'll be bloodshed at the 93 bus stop if you don't glue up your gob.

00:51:44There'll be bloodshed at the bottom and push that below.

00:51:48There'll be bloodshed at the bottom of the pumpkin.

00:52:00And its THE CROWD

00:52:02Is there going to be bloodshed at the bottom?

00:52:11It's the coffin.

00:52:12I have to leave.

00:52:12It's the screaming.

00:52:19the train now leaving platform 12 is the football special to glasgow

00:52:27back to the depot beloved into some decent garments if you suck for a minute i'll tell

00:52:32cheese and egg right right winston boggle would all passengers evicted from the train to the glasgow

00:52:41friendly match who wish to reclaim offensive weapons confiscated by the railway police kindly

00:52:48form an orderly queue at the day i've never seen an out so early of a monday morning

00:53:07never been known in the annals of dustbin history perhaps they're on extra bonus

00:53:12potstown halls to the firework up the bloomers makes me dizzy just watching do you think

00:53:21not normal that lot do you remember that little one they had with them last christmas

00:53:30they stuck him in mrs flowerite's midland jammed the lid on poor soul she goes to shove her ashes in

00:53:37and

00:53:38there's this fella with no teeth in have you ever noticed when she's got a couple of gins inside

00:53:45her she cries a lot that's why

00:53:50morning okay lads we're finished three minutes flat always in a world of it all now

00:54:02was that the rattle of dustbins by any chance aye and it's the only rattle you'll be garing this

00:54:08morning i know i'm a i'm a householder i'm entitled to proper service

00:54:15and if i wore your size of panty girdle i wouldn't hang it on the washing line

00:54:22perhaps i should have popped into six shakespeare street for a minute just to explain like

00:54:27our time i wouldn't want to be in my shoes next monday when she gets me

00:54:31you don't always wear your shoes do you you cheeky yellow

00:54:36only eight o'clock and i'm worn out for a purpose isn't it remember what was won on the plague

00:54:42fields of

00:54:43uh what was that old city uh two nil in chiltern in the uh 14th and correct me if i'm

00:54:50wrong the

00:54:5161st minute one penalty before a crowd of seventeen thousand uh four hundred and uh

00:55:00no we're doing a day's work of three hours then we lie in wait for mrs pride of ducklin

00:55:05all afternoon if necessary this week we cast them geronimo you know what i dreamt last night

00:55:13shall i tell you do you see any pregnant women ignore them

00:55:20all organized from these days not in it i think i'll get myself a black eye patch

00:55:27what did you dream about last night shall i tell you it's about your bloody football team

00:55:33i'm going to break your legs what is it i forgot

00:55:39so

00:56:41I thought, sir.

00:56:41He did, sir.

00:56:43Did you four go to church yesterday?

00:56:45I mean, you've not been blessed with holy water or something of that nature.

00:56:48Just come to terms with life, sir, that's all.

00:56:50Decided to follow your instructions in future without let or hindrance, correct?

00:56:53Correct.

00:56:54Slow, steady, two men, one bin to rule.

00:56:58Finishing off at the Pride of Jutland at about half past three.

00:57:03I'm very pleased with you, cheese and egg.

00:57:05I'm fairly pleased with myself, sir.

00:57:08Good.

00:57:14Good.

00:57:19Right.

00:57:20Let's get this wagon to the bloody sound barrier.

00:57:22Marsh!

00:57:24Marsh!

00:57:26Marsh!

00:57:28Marsh!

00:57:37Marsh!

00:57:39Marsh!

00:57:41Marsh!

00:57:43Marsh!

00:57:52Marsh!

00:57:53Marsh!

00:57:57Marsh!

00:58:59I know you all think I'm a bit numb.

00:59:00We don't think you're numb, Eric.

00:59:03We never said you was numb, Eric.

00:59:05Why should we think you're numb, Eric?

00:59:07I know you all think I'm a bit numb,

00:59:09but I still don't follow what...

00:59:12I mean, why have we been running round on casters

00:59:16if all we're going to do is play cards all afternoon?

00:59:20Oh, we're not playing cards.

00:59:22Oh.

00:59:23We're keeping a strict watch on Mrs. Bride of Jutland.

00:59:26Are we?

00:59:27We are.

00:59:28It's streets away.

00:59:30Oh, not in spirit.

00:59:31What if we miss her again?

00:59:34We won't.

00:59:36Who's shy?

00:59:38I'm sorry.

00:59:39I'm sorry.

00:59:40I'm sorry.

01:00:01I'm sorry.

01:00:12I'm sorry.

01:00:18I'm sorry.

01:00:35Right, lads. Zero hour.

01:00:50Zero hour.

01:01:21Zero hour.

01:01:50Zero hour.

01:02:22Zero hour.

01:02:24Zero hour.

01:02:26Zero hour.

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01:02:31Zero hour.

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01:02:35Zero hour.

01:02:37Zero hour.

01:02:38Zero hour.

01:03:09Zero hour.

01:03:11Zero hour.

01:03:12Zero hour.

01:04:09Lovely.

01:04:11Zero hour.

01:04:13Zero hour.

01:04:18Zero hour.

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01:08:01Zero hour.

01:08:30zero hour.

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